Welcome to my new story!

I'll be open and honest with Ya'll. This has been the hardest story I've ever written. I started it, put it down, picked it up, put it down again, and wrote another story as I struggled with where I wanted it to go and stressed about details that no one else would probably care about. After getting a third wave of inspiration, I made some headway with it and still debated on posting it, but I really wanted to share it with all of you. I'm not sure I'll ever write a cannon-type story again, so I pushed myself to finish it instead of walking away to work on another idea.

Some things to note about this story before you dive in.

1. As usual, I have remixed the race/ethnicity from some of the characters in the book because I like the stories I tell to have more people who look like me.

2. I've changed up some of the traditional relationships as I have in other stories because I get tired of the same character relationships and arcs, and I had some new concepts I wanted to play with that wouldn't work unless I changed things up.

3. The choosing age for this story is 18.

4. Don't look for this to be a Four/Tris fluff romance, because their relationship won't be the focus of the entire story.

5. When I first started this, I planned to break it into different books, then I scrapped that idea and decided to write it as one big story. I'm still finishing the ending so I'm not sure how long it will be just yet.

I hope you will enjoy this ride and I'll see you again next Sunday!


17 Years Ago

Natalie stands in the bedroom, she knows she's not supposed to be looking in the mirror, she'd been Abnegation for five years and it was still odd for her to not look at herself. She turned to the side; her stomach was still flat as she ran her hand over the lower part of it.

She had no idea how much longer she could hold her secret of the baby now growing inside her. It had already been almost three months since the midwife confirmed that was the source of her constant nausea. Her body was already changing even though she knew her husband wasn't paying close enough attention to see it. Her breasts were already larger, her curly hair had grown more in the past month. Her only friend Evelyn, wife of Andrew's fellow councilman Marcus, commented on how her skin was glowing.

She smiled for a minute wondering if the child was a boy or a girl, wondering if they would have her golden-brown skin and long coiled thick black hair.

In the 5 years since she transferred to Abnegation from Dauntless and married Andrew Prior, she had so many regrets. He had been so sweet and attentive in school, such a contrast from the Dauntless who were always looking to outdo each other to prove they were brave. His promises of a life where they could start over together in a new faction convinced her to choose Abnegation.

The first year had been wonderful, but as soon as the Abnegation council members started grooming Andrew for a leadership position he changed. He became obsessed with making sure they appeared to be the perfect Abnegation couple. Every time she let her Dauntless show, Andrew became more forceful with his retaliation.

After several years of not being able to produce any children, he had been constantly on edge. He was starting to blame Natalie for their infertility problems. The factionless baby that they had taken in to show how selfless they were had only added to Andrew's frustration with her that they weren't able to conceive any children of their own.

She would have to come clean about her infidelity, knowing that her belly would betray her soon. She had been Dauntless, she shouldn't fear him, but her reality was clear, she had nowhere to go other than becoming factionless.

Just then the baby wails from the nursery drawing her out of her thoughts.

"I'm coming Caleb," Natalie says as she grabs her dress to put on for the day.

Once she's dressed, she makes her way to the nursery to pick up the baby from his crib.

"Hello, there sweet boy. What's the matter? Are you hungry?" She coos as she soothes him.

She had thought about taking her chances being factionless but adopting Caleb had changed everything. She wouldn't leave him. He was the sweetest baby and she felt so bonded with him. It hadn't been hard for her to agree to take him in. In the three months since he had come home with them, he had grown so much, and Natalie quickly realized how much she enjoyed motherhood. She found him alone, screaming his lungs out wrapped in a blanket on the outskirts of Abnegation. Andrew had been hesitant but then praised her for how selfless it was for them. She didn't say anything, letting him soak up all the attention from the other council members when they praised him for taking in the child.

For the first two weeks, she sat with him in the small Abnegation hospital as the Erudite doctors monitored him. She sang to him and held him, and she felt so much love the first time he smiled and laughed at her. She was his mother, and nothing was going to change that.

The question now was could she convince Andrew that the child she was carrying was his?


Present Day

Tris sighs as she steps out of the shower. She makes her way quickly to her room with a slight chill in the air. Another day in Abnegation. At 16 years old, Tris knew she didn't fit into the faction she was born in. She was reminded every morning as she got ready for the day.

She had the hardest time getting dressed in the morning. With no mirrors to help she struggled to tame her curly hair off touch. She never really knew what to do with it other than wet it. Traditional Abnegation hairstyles were simple, with the women usually pulling their hair back in a bun. Usually, hers was a bit messier because of her hair texture. It was mornings like this when she wished her mother was alive to help her figure out what to do with her hair.

When she was younger there was an elderly Abnegation woman, Ms. Johnson, a few houses down that would do her hair every Saturday. With Andrew being a widower with two small children and the Abnegation always putting selflessness first, there always seemed to be someone to step in just enough to help them. When Mrs. Johnson passed away three years ago; Tris struggled to figure out how to manage her hair herself. Tris was punished by Andrew who would get upset when Tris asked more and more questions about finding someone to help her or would sneak to the mirror to try and figure out how to get it to look the way it had when Ms. Johnson did it. She would always add a few braids that made it easier to put in a bun.

One day Andrew got fed up and cut Tris' hair, saying she was being vain as she started to ask more questions about what to do with it. Tris cried as he took the sheers and chopped off her curls. It was botched and all over the place. The Candor, Dauntless, and Erudite at school all pointed and laughed when she appeared the next morning in class.

Defiantly, she made a headband of cloth that she wore to school and removed it before Andrew could see her each day. Fearing that her father would try to chop it off again, she'd been making do as best she could, wetting it and then using a brush quickly each morning to make it look tame.

Tris had been scolded one too many times after asking why her father and her brother Caleb didn't have hair like hers, so she eventually stopped asking but it didn't stop her from wondering why she was different. Not just her hair, but her complexion too. She had a tawny skin tone that was darker than the fawn color of her brother and father. The most she ever got out of her father was that she took after her mother Natalie, who died suddenly not long after giving birth to her.

It was strange, she had never known her mother, but she missed her. The Abnegation thought pictures were vanity, so she didn't know what she looked like, but Tris imagined she looked like her. The quiet moments when she attempted to tame her hair were when she thought about herself the most.

She takes one final moment to smooth it down. She wishes she could look in the mirror to fix it, but Abnegation rules were Abnegation rules. She threw her brush into her bag, she would fix it at school in the bathroom with the mirror, even though the other Abnegation girls would frown at her.

She looks at her upper arm, the last bruise she received from her father the week before was still sore. Tris was always one for rebellions which usually got her in trouble. At 16 she was becoming increasingly outspoken, and her father wasn't above physical punishment to keep up the appearance that she and Caleb were the perfect Abnegation children.

"Good morning, Father," Tris says politely as she makes her way down for breakfast.

"Beatrice" Andrew replies in an even tone.

She hated her real name, especially the way her father said it. When she was 10 years old her best friend Tobias Eaton decided that as a rebellion, he would call her Tris instead of Beatrice. The Abnegation despised nicknames, it was something that made her, and Tobias feel free from the restrictions when they were alone. Tobias was the son of Marcus Eaton, who was the leader of their faction and oversaw the council. Marcus was a strict disciplinarian like Andrew. The Abnegation weren't big on socializing but because their fathers were both widowers and worked long hours on the council, it left Tobias, Caleb, and Tris alone together growing up. Caleb pulled away as they got older, fearing punishment but Tris and Tobias were always drawn to each other, trusting the other with their secrets and desires.

"Marcus and his son will be joining us for dinner this evening, please start dinner as soon as you get home from school. It would be selfish to keep our guests waiting"

"Yes, Father" Tris tries to keep her smile concealed until she clears his breakfast dishes and goes back into the kitchen.

On days like today when Caleb made breakfast, she did the morning dishes and was responsible for cooking dinner and he would clean up.

On the walk to school, Beatrice smiles when she sees Tobias waiting at the corner of her street. He only lived two streets over and waited for Tris and Caleb every morning so they could walk to school together.

"I heard you get to come over for dinner tonight"

"Why are you so excited?" He teases as they watch Caleb walk with Susan and Robert Black who lived two houses down from the Priors. Beatrice suspected that Susan and Caleb would start courting as soon as they were able to, not missing the looks between the two.

"Because it makes dinner less horrible when you are there, even if we don't get to talk," Tris shrugs and Tobias nods knowing what she meant. Both dreaded spending any time at home. Tobias was an only child. His mother, Evelyn, died when he was eight in childbirth just like Tris' mother.

Tris would never forget the first day they met, it was his mother's funeral. Tris saw Marcus scold him in the corner for crying.

"You will not appear weak, get it together or you will answer for this later"

Tobias nodded his head and sniffled as Marcus went back to the guests in the living room.

Tris walked up to him and grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"I won't tell anyone if you want to cry. I don't have a Mommy because mine died too, and it makes me sad sometimes"

That day, Tobias and Tris forged a tight friendship, confiding in each other all their secrets and trusting each other when they trusted no one else. Just being in each other's presence made things better. Tobias's father believed in the same types of punishment that Andrew did. Helping each other through the pain made their friendship stronger.

"Hey, didn't someone use to live in that house?" Tobias asks, drawing Tris out of her memory.

They walked past a house at the end of the street that was being cleaned and painted by a few members as it was customary for Abnegation to clean and prepare a new house for someone to move into.

"Yeah, I think he worked unpacking shipments from Amity. His name was Josiah, I think. That's strange, I wonder what could have happened to him, he wasn't old" Tris wonders.

Usually, when there was a death, the entire community gathered to support the family, and a church service was held.

Tris and Tobias shrug it off and continue to make their way toward the bus for school.

That evening Tris gets up to clear the dishes from the table while Marcus and Andrew move to the living room to discuss council business.

"May I help you wash the dishes?" Tobias asks.

"You are our guest; Beatrice and I can handle the dishes" Caleb starts in a typical Abnegation response.

"Tobias, Andrew, and I have some things to discuss, it would be appropriate for you to help Caleb and Beatrice with cleaning the kitchen."

Tobias, Caleb, and Tris bow their heads and begin to clear the dishes away from the table, and head into the kitchen. They work quietly with Tris and Tobias whispering to each other about their faction history test.

"Andrew, we can't let this get out! " Marcus says loudly enough for the three of them to hear as they work together washing the dishes.

"Don't you think I know that!" Andrew bellows back.

Tris and Tobias look at each other while Caleb keeps his head down. They both wondered what their fathers could be hiding.


On Saturday Morning, Tris stretches as she looks out the window. The weather was turning cold, and she wanted to spend the day in bed but today she would be volunteering in the factionless section. Out of all the things the Abnegation did, this one was the one she and Tobias liked the most. The oppressive eyes of the Abnegation weren't always on them, and they could explore. It was when Tris felt like she could just breathe.

She pulls out her grey coat and boots to head downstairs. Thankfully, it was Caleb's turn to fix breakfast that morning so she could do the dishes quickly before they left.

"Good morning, Caleb," she says as she takes her place at the table after putting her coat on the chair by the door.

"Beatrice" Tris tries not to roll her eyes, Caleb was only 9 months older than her but sometimes she felt like he really thought he had the responsibility of being her father the way he tried to keep her in line. She missed the times when they were younger and got along better but she knew he loved her.

"Father, are you joining us today?" She asks and fights a groan as Caleb shoots her a glare.

She bites her lip preparing to be scolded for asking questions but surprisingly the scolding doesn't come as Andrew seemed distracted as he looked over the papers in front of him.

"No actually, there is a matter that the council needs to attend to. I'll most likely be gone until dinner. Please be careful, you know the dangers of the Factionless section. I might be back before dinner but I'm not sure how long this will take. Remember to stay in the areas of the Dauntless patrols"

"Yes, sir" Caleb and Tris both respond.


"Hey, where are you going?" Caleb asks as he pulls out a few blankets from a box to take to the line of factionless that was forming.

"This way, to see if there are people who are too sick to stand in line" Tris rattles off with a wave of her hand as she shakes her head. She grabbed a large bag and filled it with a few blankets, and pre-packed bags of food supplies from the line.

She couldn't take the mundane work today. Normally Tobias would go with her as they explored and handed out supplies. When Tobias didn't show up this morning, she knew he must have had a bad night with Marcus. She was going to find a way to circle back without being seen to check on him.

Tris wanders down the street, she finds a few people to give blankets and food. She takes a few turns and realizes she's in an area that isn't as populated. The Dauntless patrolled areas were marked with painted red circles, and she hadn't seen one on the last few buildings she had passed. She was starting to notice she was out of the Dauntless patrol areas. She sees someone dart behind the corner of a building, and it makes her stop.

She walks a few more steps and peers into a doorway that she thinks the woman darted into. Sure, enough there she was. The woman had a scarf around her head but from the glimpse, Tris felt like she looked familiar. She had this feeling in her gut that she should talk to her.

"Please I won't hurt you…I have food and some blankets" Tris calls out.

Tris eases slowly toward the doorway she saw the woman duck in. She can see the woman shielding her face with a scarf as she stays toward the back of the room.

"I'll just leave these here" She pulls out a blanket and a bag of food and sets them in the door.

"Do I know you?" Tris asks as she looks at the woman who stops keeping the scarf up to keep her face hidden.

She keeps looking and she realizes that she's seen this woman before, always with a scarf hiding her face, peering from around a corner when she ventured off alone or with Tobias deep in the factionless section.

The woman turns around and lets the scarf fall, Tris could see the tears in her eyes. Tris looks curiously at her golden-brown skin, her high cheekbones, and her coiled hair. She was beautiful and thin - but that wasn't uncommon with the factionless.

If you asked most Abnegation, they weren't sure of their own features as they only used a mirror as little as possible, unlike Tris. Her father even shaved without using a mirror. But Tris had studied herself all those mornings in the mirror at school fixing her hair, she knew her features, and she felt like she was looking at herself in 20 years. It was as if all the daydreams she'd had about what her mother would look like were being projected in front of her.

"Beatrice, that's your name, right?" The woman asks softly but not coming any closer.

"How do you know that?" Tris asks as she takes a small shaky step forward and she feels her heart race.

Suddenly a gruff voice breaks the moment, and the woman runs off deeper into the abandoned building.

"Wait, What's your name?" Tris calls after her. She needed to know more about this woman that she felt drawn to, that she looked like.

"You aren't supposed to be this far into this section, you need to come with me back to the safe zone," A Dauntless soldier tells her.

Tris groans in frustration and rolls her eyes.

"I know, I know" She pulls her bag higher over her shoulder.

The soldier glanced at her curiously.

"Never seen an Abnegation this bold and sassy before"

"Well, there's a first time for everything" Tris quips as she follows him down the alley.

She takes a quick look over her shoulder, the woman was nowhere in sight, but Tris had so many questions. As soon as she could come back to look for this woman, she would.


When Tris and Caleb arrive home from the day of volunteering, they find that Andrew still isn't home, and Tris goes to head back out of the door.

"Beatrice, where are you going?" Caleb sighs.

"I'll be back"

"You have to cook dinner; you know what will happen if you're late. Don't make him angry…. Please Beatrice"

Tris saw the momentary fear in Caleb's eyes. Even though he fits into the Abnegation lifestyle better than her, he cowered in the corner every time she was punished. Caleb couldn't handle the punishment as she could. He was rarely punished anymore, making an effort to be the perfect Abnegation son but there were times when she stepped in and took the blame for him.

"I'll be back, I promise, I need to make sure Tobias is okay, he didn't show up today. You know what that means"

Caleb sighs and nods his head. Tris knew he would go ahead and start dinner for her. That was always the one thing they could agree upon now even though Caleb always frowned upon her and Tobias pushing the envelope with Marcus and Andrew.

"Here take these" Caleb quickly grabs some bread and cheese from the kitchen, Marcus and Andrew were fans of starvation as a form of punishment after a beating.

Tris walks quickly the two streets over to the Eaton house. She glanced at her watch -she should have at least an hour. Usually, on Saturdays, they ate dinner at 6:30 so that they could reflect before church services on Sunday morning. Chances are Marcus wasn't home since her father wasn't either, but she still goes around the back of the house to climb the piping to Tobias's window. She'd been doing it since she was 10 years old, and it was second nature.

"Oh, Tobias" she whispers when she crawls through the window.

Tobias was there asleep lying across his bed on his stomach, his back raw. She could tell that some of the lashes on his back were still bleeding. It was an odd scene. He looked peaceful sleeping, his full lips parted, but she knew he was in pain.

Tris goes to the door and cracks it open hearing the silence in the house, goes to the bathroom and grabs the first aid kit and some clean washcloths.

"Tobias, can you wake up for me?" Tris gently nudges him as she kneels next to his bed.

"Tris, what are you doing here?" he asked groggily but he smiled faintly.

Tris was his rock. She was always going to make sure he was okay. Some days she was the only thing that kept him going. Their shared scars made their bond stronger.

He hisses as Tris starts to clean his wounds. Caleb was always there to help Tris, but Tobias had gotten an infection a few times when his wounds weren't able to be cleaned properly.

"I got worried when you didn't show up for volunteering today"

"What time is it?" Tobias winces again as Tris moves to the next cut.

"Just after 4…. What was it this time?" she asks as she continues to work on the deep gash.

"Dinner wasn't done when he got home last night. Even though he was 30 minutes early. He was in a mood from something."

Tris sighs. Andrew only came after Tris or Caleb when they did something wrong whereas Marcus took his frustrations out on Tobias.

"It won't be much longer for you," Tris says quietly.

"I can't leave you Tris" Tobias hisses again as Tris moves on to the next gash and the antiseptic burns.

"Yes, you are going to leave me, it's the only way for us to be safe and be free to be us. All I want is to leave, you know that. Besides, it won't be forever." She reminds him.

Tris and Tobias were both waiting until their Choosing Day to get away from Marcus and Andrew. Sure, they wouldn't be dependents anymore if they stayed but both of them knew their fathers would still try to control them.

"I don't like the thought of leaving you alone"

"I'll have Caleb, he can be okay sometimes and I can make it knowing you'll be waiting for me"

Tobias sighs, she was right. They had this conversation every week for the last two years as Tobias' Choosing Day grew closer and closer.


Tobias opens the oven and sees the bread perfectly browned. He grabs a potholder and pulls it out to sit on the counter. He had been cooking since he was ten. He'd suffered many beatings until he figured out what he was doing. Marcus just woke up one morning and didn't care that he didn't know how to cook, he only cared that Tobias obeyed him.

Over the years Tobias found that he liked to cook. It was soothing. Abnegation food was plain and basic, but baking bread, and working with what he had comforted him. Marcus never commented on any of the things he cooked, only when things weren't done on time. Tris and Caleb always noticed how good the food was when they dined at his house. It made him feel good that someone noticed and enjoyed what he created.

Tobias looked at the clock, he still had some time to make sure everything was clean and in its place. His back was still healing from his last beating, he wasn't going to tempt fate so soon.

Tobias is thankful that he has everything in order when Marcus shows up at 6:15 instead of 6:30.

"Two of the other council members will be dining with us this evening for dinner. You will go to your room" Marcus barks.

"Would you like for me to prepare more for dinner Father?" Tobias asks as he sets the table.

"No there's no time, set the food out and go to your room"

Tobias does as he's told. This wasn't his first time with no dinner, he would have to hold out until breakfast.

Tobias hears the hustle and bustle downstairs as the other councilmen come into their home. He eases the door to his room open and sits by the door on the floor to see if he can hear the conversation. For Tobias to be banished to his room, there was something going on. He hadn't forgotten dinner with the Priors the week before and now he recognizes the voices of Andrew Prior and Jacob Eversley.

"Andrew, you were supposed to keep Jeanine Matthews happy. What happened?"

"She's getting greedy, wanting more and more. I feel that she's going to look for more allies"

"Would she really be willing to risk exposing herself? She has just as much to lose"

When he hears the chairs scraping against the floor. Tobias closes the door again and steps carefully to lie on his bed.

What could his father and the other councilmen be involved in? He knew his father and Andrew went to great lengths to conceal the abuse of their children, but this sounded so much deeper than that.

Tobias carefully closes the door and tiptoes back to his bed.

Jeanine Matthews…. It dawns on Tobias where he's heard that name. Jeanine Matthews was the leader of Erudite. They were definitely hiding something.