1-28-2024

Yeah so a year later I realized just how messed up that chapter got when I tried to publish it from my phone. Thought it was fixed when I redid the jumbled spacing and nope...it was a HOT MESS, I have no idea how whole sentences were missing and words truncated. But if you are rereading or reading for the first time, it's fixed now!


17 Years Ago

Natalie walks quietly behind Andrew and the other council leaders as they make their way to the Hub. She had been surprised when Andrew suddenly calmed down from his rage that morning to ask her to accompany him to his full council meeting. She was used to how he would fly into rages when things were exactly as he wanted them.

It was odd to her how much things changed after that first year they transferred to Abnegation and were married. Marcus Eaton had welcomed them both with open arms when they completed their initiation. His wife had transferred the year before and she and Natalie confided in each other about areas where they struggled to keep up with their new way of life. Marcus had put in a good word with Josiah, the leader of Abnegation, to take Andrew on as a second clerk in the council office. When Josiah passed away two years later, Marcus was elected to take his place, his charisma and leadership won over not only the Abnegation but the other faction leaders as well. The first year wasn't too bad. She learned quickly to always have everything in its place and clean, and always have dinner done when he returned home in the evenings.

Soon the power and need for control showed up. Natalie slowly became restricted to her weekly volunteer trips to the factionless section, church services, and assisting Evelyn when she became pregnant.

Andrew's assistant was sick that day, so he asked her to take notes for him. She was shocked but it was a chance for her to get out of the house. Things had been so tense with her and Andrew. Now that Marcus had a son, Andrew felt pressured to do the same. Every month that passed and Natalie wasn't pregnant, the tension between them became thicker and thicker. She thought with all the praise he was getting from the council things would get better, but they weren't. She felt more disconnected from him than ever.

Natalie pulls her bag high on her shoulder as they walk into the large meeting room where the full council meets. The other clerks and assistants who supported the faction leaders filled the room and took their places, the room looking similar to a Choosing Day, segregated by colors. The council members from each faction usually sat in sections with their faction and the leaders took the seats in the front with Marcus, Andrew, and the three other Abnegation members at the front.

As Andrew goes to join the other Abnegation council members in their designated seats, Natalies stops dead in her tracks at the Dauntless man setting his bag down in a chair as she is about to pass by.

"Max…" Natalie whispers as she walks slowly toward him.

"Nat…" Max echoes his heart pounding as she walks slowly toward him.

"It's good to see you," Natalie tells him shyly. She had been so angry and hurt when they were 17, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Seeing him standing there in front of her, made her realize how much she missed him.

Max felt like he was in a trance. He hadn't seen Natalie in 5 years. It was odd seeing her in gray. It didn't suit her. The long plain gray dress was baggy on her figure, hiding the curves that he knew well under the fabric. But even with all the lengths that the Abnegation took to hide themselves, and not stand out, she was stunning, more beautiful than he remembered.

"It's good to see you too," he tells her.

"Hana gave me your letter, Thank you, Max. You have no idea how much it meant to me. I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry for how so many things about what happened then"

Max could tell she wanted to say more but was trying to be the polite Abnegation member she should be.

Andrew's eyes follow his wife, watching her as she talks to the young Dauntless leader, his blood starts to boil. Marcus bangs the gavel asking everyone to take their seats, breaking the moment between Max and Natalie and they take their seats with their respective factions. Andrew breathes deep through his nose and refocuses on the task at hand. He wasn't going to make a scene, but he didn't like what he saw.

Throughout the entire meeting, Natalie tried to keep her eyes on her notepad as she listened to the business of the council, but she could feel Max's eyes on her.

That night Max tosses and turns in his bed. He couldn't get Natalie out of his mind. Pushing her away was the worst thing he had ever done; he would never forgive himself. The way she smiled at him, she didn't belong in Abnegation, she needed to shine bright. He rolled over onto his side and adjusted his pillow. He had to see her again.


Present Day

Tris winces as Natalie parts her hair. She had been giddy all week waiting for Saturday to come. She was up before the sun came up that morning, making breakfast and then gathering her supplies she was supposed to hand out to the Factionless as soon as Andrew was out the door.

"How often are you combing your hair sweetheart?"

"I never really learned how…There was this elderly lady, Ms. Johnson who would do it every Saturday. She died when I was 13 and there was no one else who knew what to do with it"

Natalie takes a deep breath, she missed so much that she should have been there for.

"I remember her, she was sweet, and she helped me do my hair when I was pregnant with you. What happened after she died? Your hair is all uneven, and it's broken off."

"I couldn't figure out what to do without a mirror, one day Father got tired of me asking for help and cut it off"

Natalie gasps. She never thought Andrew would be that cruel, despite how much the Abnegation frowned upon vanity.

"I looked awful. All the Dauntless, Candor, and Erudite teased me for weeks at school so I started going to the bathroom at school and wetting it so I could do something to it."

"We need to cut some of your ends and even it out on the left side but I'm giving you this cream you need to put on it every few days. I can make more. Stop wetting it every day, your hair texture needs oil, and the water dries it out"

Tris rolls some of the cream on her fingers feeling the texture.

"You make this yourself?"

"Yes, my sister and I used to make it growing up with our mother"

"What's in it? How do you make it now?" Tris asks and Natalie chuckles at how curious she is.

"I use any nuts I get, ground them up, and add to any creams or moisturizing things we get in care packages. Heat it up over a fire and mix it all together. It would probably do your skin good too since it needs more oils and it's different from Andrew and Caleb's skin"

Natalie knew she needed to tell Tris the truth about who her father was, but she wanted to ease her into it. They fall into a comfortable silence, with Natalie feeling a small bit of peace sharing this moment with her daughter.

"You had a sister?" Tris asks, as Natalie hums while continuing to work, braiding her hair down into a style with two large braids that she knew would be acceptable in Abnegation and she could teach Tris to do herself.

Natalie smiles as she remembers and her heartaches for the family she left behind.

"Yes, her name is Hana. I miss her so much. Andrew stopped me from going to Visiting Day, so I hadn't seen her for a few years before you were born"

It doesn't take Natalie too much longer to finish. While she works, Tris tells her about her best friend Tobias who transferred to Dauntless, and how much she misses him.

"I'm glad you and Tobias have each other," Natalie tells her as she squeezes her daughter's shoulder.

"Yeah, I hope you can meet him one day. He's quiet but thoughtful"

"Sounds like you two are more than just friends"

Natalie chuckles as Tris bites her lip and her cheeks get warm.

"No, I…well he's my best friend" Tris stammers. Sure, they shared a kiss the night before his Choosing Ceremony, but did she feel more for Tobias?

Tris looks at herself in a small mirror in the bathroom that was distorted. Natalie lets her practice braiding her hair a few times, and Tris feels confident she can do it herself at home.

"Thanks, Mom" Tris whispers as she hugs her mother.

Natalie watches Tris as she heads back toward Abnegation. She doesn't turn around when she hears footsteps behind her.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Nat"

"Just because you don't want to see your son, doesn't mean I don't want to see my children" Natalie snaps.

"She's going to Dauntless, isn't she?"

"Of course…It's where she belongs. Tobias is there too"

"He doesn't need to know I'm alive…"

Natalie turns to look at her friend.

"With them out from under Marcus and Andrew, you still won't see him?"

Evelyn sighs. She had been crying alone in the corner of an abandoned building the day Marcus had thrown her out. She wasn't sure what to do and how she was going to survive. She'd thought she was seeing a ghost when Natalie found her a week later, gave her a place to stay, and showed her how to survive in the Factionless section. Evelyn and Natalie had been a support for each other in Abnegation and they leaned on each other over the years.

"We're still Factionless, Nat, it's not like they can associate with us, not yet anyway. You're wrong to give her hope that you can be in her life"

"And you won't even take the chance?" Natalie ached for her children. Evelyn though, it was as if a switch went off one day. She never wanted to look in on Tobias or seek him out. Natalie could see how close her daughter and Tobias were when she observed them from a distance.

"Nat, one day you are going to have to let go of the life that was. We don't need to lose focus now; we have work to do" Evelyn says firmly and then turns walking back further into the alley.

Natalie pauses for a moment as she looks in the direction Tris ran off in. Part of her knew Evelyn was right but now that she had her daughter back, she wasn't willing to let go.


Tris pulled her bag high on her shoulder, as she walked down the now-familiar alley of the Factionless section. She notices the group of Dauntless soldiers walking by, so she stops to give out a few packages not wanting them to follow her to her mother's place. Once she hears them move on she keeps walking and she breaks out into a smile when she sees her mother waiting for her.

It was getting cooler as the summer was passing. She only had one more week until she could see Tobias for Visiting Day and she couldn't wait to tell him everything. She hadn't shared with Caleb about meeting their mother yet. He was spending more time with Andrew and Marcus now, as Andrew decided that it would be good for Caleb to learn how to be a proper assistant. Knowing that her father had lied her entire life, she wasn't sure Caleb was ready to hear the truth yet.

"I hope you can stay a little while today, I have some things I want to tell you," Natalie says as she gives Tris a hug. After three weeks of seeing her daughter, it felt wrong not to tell her the entire truth. She didn't want to hide anything else from her.

"Yeah, Caleb is with Father today at the council meeting, as long as I leave to have dinner ready no one will miss me"

"Can I ask you something?" Tris asks as she pulls out the frozen chicken and potatoes she brought for Natalie onto the counter.

"You can always ask me anything Sweetheart" Natalie reassures her as she heats up hot water.

"You said that you and Father decided to transfer to Abnegation after you met at school? What faction were you born into?"

"You want to change factions? To be with Tobias?" Natalie probes as she moves to put more wood on the makeshift stove, she had created in the fireplace years ago.

"Well yeah, that's the plan. Tobias and I knew we would have to leave Abnegation. To get away from Andrew and Marcus. Dauntless just seemed like the best place for us. I've never felt like I fit in with Abnegation, I can't wait to feel like I'm free"

"Oh, my girl, I'm so happy for you, the life you should have had would have been so different if I hadn't messed it up," Natalie tells her full of emotion and feeling tears in her eyes. Tris should have been Dauntless born.

"You were Dauntless born?" Tris asks. Finally, things in her life were making sense. She always felt drawn to Dauntless. All the days she watched them jump trains coming to school, how they climbed and felt free. It was in her.

Natalie nods wiping the tears in her eyes.

"Tris you should have been Dauntless born. I'm sorry I took that away from you with the choices I made"

"Wait, how could I have been Dauntless born…oh…. Is that how my father...well your husband knew you had an affair?"

"Your father, your real father, and I were best friends growing up, much like you and Tobias. Andrew and I were having a hard time conceiving and one day handing out blankets in the winter in the Factionless section, we found a baby crying abandoned in the cold. I would have taken him no matter what faction we were in, but I was going to raise him as our own."

"Caleb's not your son?" Tris asks curiously, still reeling with the fact that everything she felt like she knew was a lie now.

"No, but I love him just as much as I love you."

Tris lets her mother talk, seeing the love in her eyes. She feels sad for Caleb now too, missing out on all the love Natalie had to give them.

"Andrew had been praised so much for being an upstanding member and taking in a child that wasn't our own. Marcus decided to make him his right-hand man and got him elected to the council. Ever since then, he has been focused on power. Power became more important to him than anything."

Tris grabs her mother's hand and squeezes it, seeing that the memories are still upsetting to her. It was hard for her to see Andrew as kind and loving despite everything her mother had told her about when they were first married.

"With Andrew's new position, I accompanied him to a council meeting, and that's where I saw your father, he was a leader in training at Dauntless and attending the same meeting. It had been 5 years since our choosing day, and it was like a day hadn't passed. He started showing up with the Dauntless patrols when we worked in the factionless section. Ms. Johnson would watch Caleb while I volunteered every week, and we rekindled our romance. I knew it was wrong and dangerous, but I was so unhappy with Andrew, it was what I needed. One week your father was asked to go to Amity for a council visit…."

Natalie smiles as she doesn't finish her sentence, remembering the passionate night she shared with Max that resulted in Tris being conceived. She never even got the opportunity to tell him she was pregnant.

"And you never saw him, even after you were factionless?" Tris asks, feeling her heartbreak that her parents were in love and the possibility of the life she never had.

"No, everyone thinks I'm dead, it needs to stay that way…"

"Did you ever think about coming to get me and Caleb?" Tris knows she can't change the past but as she lay in bed thinking, she couldn't help but wonder. She knew factionless life was hard but right after only knowing her mother for a few weeks it seemed much better than the life she lived with her father.

"All the time Baby, I just couldn't risk it., Marcus and the council are much more dangerous than people give them credit for. I watched from afar as best I could without being seen but being factionless wasn't the life for you, you needed food on the table, clothes on your back, and a roof over your head. I couldn't give that to you factionless"

"My whole entire life was a lie," Tris says after a moment, taking in all the information.

"No, it wasn't sweetheart" Natalie urges hearing the hurt in her daughter's voice.

"Yes, it was, the man I grew up with hated me, he isn't even my father, my mother is supposed to be dead but here you are...I just" Tris tells her flustered. "I need some space"

"Tris…" Natalie begs as Tris gets up to gather her things.

"Please, just leave me alone" Tris begs as she walks out the door unsure of where the rage inside her suddenly came from.

Tris walks away heading back towards Abnegation. She wanders through the empty streets for a while, not sure where she is going.