Chapter 62: Loss and Anger
They already know.
Fenn should have guessed as much, a transmission had come to Survivor Base mere minutes after IT had happened, multiple transmissions from the Affon system, or rather, it's one inhabited planet. Strangely enough, the communications officer had not had a chance to answer, a pre-recorded message had been set up to play if any calls came in from Bantoon…
Fenn had frowned when he heard that, unsure what to make of it.
Then…after the call, he had found his message, waiting in his master's officer…
…his…his late master.
The events of the last few hours played over and over in his head.
He still couldn't believe it.
No.
NO!
It could not be true, but it was.
He had felt it…knew it to be true.
The Survivors had won the battle, but…
He feared they had lost the war.
IOI
They had only just made it back, the flight from Kraaz had been a mad dash, the Survivors had been running for their lives. The Zakuul attack ships had breached the atmosphere just seconds after the Survivors and Avy's people had taken to the sky. Colonel Capistan had ordered that escape was their first priority, they didn't waste time engaging the shuttles or the Skytroopers that were dropping from the enemy ships.
Fenn had done nothing, he had just stood beside Krys in shock, they all had been in shock.
What he had felt…Fenn had sensed his master's end.
It had left him numb he only had enough presence of mind to move, to make it to the ship.
Only two of the Zakuul ships had pursued them, the rest had made for the surface, and paid for it. Avy had been in the power station when word had come that the enemy were approaching. The power station's reactor overloaded even as the Zakuul ships had started to touch down, the geothermal plant melted down.
Fenn had not seen the end, but he had felt it in the Force. The Zakuul knights had had no time to flee as their ships were consumed in the conflagration.
The remaining Zakuul transports had fired up them, breeching their shields, and melting their armor, but the Republic troop transports were tough, and those modified by the Survivors had been tougher still.
The enemy had been unable to stop them.
The Survivors had managed to achieve orbit, but had not been out of danger, the Eternal Fleet ships had begun to move in. Having no way around, the Survivors had gone through the enemy blockade. The warships fired upon them, but had not managed to destroy them.
Even Fenn, still lost in shock and pain, had been surprised to hear that they had lost no ships slipping the blockade.
It was amazing that the Survivors had not been destroyed as they flew between those ships, the auto-guns of the eternal fleet were deadly, but the Force had been with them. Perhaps the ships were too small for the Eternal fleet to target successfully. Whatever the reason, they made it through, battered with more than a few panels sparking. They managed to break out, and escape into hyperspace. Two hours later they had linked up at the rendezvous point and headed back to Survivor Base.
At the rendezvous, he had spoken with Avy, heard what had happened.
Master Jas had been killed battling a duplicate of her former master. The double had brought the roof of the facility crashing down on both of them.
He had died as she had approached him, she had been unable to help.
She handed him his master's lightsaber. She informed him that there had been no body to bring back, that he had vanished into the Force upon his death.
Again, the word hit him like a capital ship.
Dead.
Jas Dar Bynn was dead!
He…he still couldn't believe it, or rather…didn't WANT to believe it. Jas Dar Bynn had been his hero for over a decade, a man who had walked into fire and death hundreds of times, and emerged, maybe not unscathed, but always had managed to make it home.
Not this time, though…
No.
Not this time.
IOI
The calls had been waiting when they arrived. Asking to speak with him…by name.
Fenn knew who it was, how could it be anyone else.
THEY had felt it too.
Fenn could guess what they wanted, and…knew what he had to tell them.
He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He made for Master Jas' office. He had nearly knocked as he had done a hundred times before.
A knock that was no longer needed, and would never be needed again.
The thought nearly put him on his knees.
Cursing himself for a fool, he entered the room, sealed it, and activated the hyper-comm.
He sat down at his master's desk, feeling unworthy of it, yet, it was here that the signals had been routed, it was here that he needed to speak to THEM.
He could not contain the sense of shame he felt.
I should have been there, he thought, I could have helped.
Yet, Master Jas had waived him off.
Why had he done it, Fenn wondered.
WHY?
Loss started to turn to anger, but he pushed it down.
Anger would not serve, not here, and not now.
Now, he had to focus on those that were calling. He needed to be there for them, it is what his master would have wanted.
He took another deep breath.
It was never good to be a bearer of bad or tragic news.
Yet, it fell to him, he was Jas' student, he had trained at the man's feet for almost ten years. They had remained friends and Jedi brothers even after that training had been completed.
I should have done something, he thought.
I COULD have done something.
The transmission connected, and the three signals shimmered into existence.
He looked up at the three holograms, life-size representations of the people who shared his loss and his grief.
What could he tell them?
How could he admit that he had failed?
The first was a young woman about ten years his senior. Tall and slender, her long blonde hair was styled in intricate braids. She was dressed in robes befitting someone of high rank, and likely would have fit in perfectly on the floor of the Galactic Senate.
Every bit the queen in the making, he thought, a proper heir for her mother's throne.
The young man, a few years older than him was dressed just as richly, but somehow, more conservatively, his suit vest and silken shirt all in gray and black. His hair was long, a much darker honey blond, and slightly curly, coming down to his shoulders, a small well-tailored goatee graced his slender jaw.
The Dandy lord of the underworld of Bantoon, Fenn knew, known as Underlord Go on the moons of Bantoon. Few could believe that he was the son of a queen and a Jedi Master, but he was.
The last holo was the person he was most familiar with, the youngest of the three, they were of the same age, and had met many times over the years. She wore a blue and green military style uniform her blonde hair up in an intense bun. Unlike her siblings, even over the hologram, he could see the redness of her eyes the puffiness around them.
She had been crying, and he didn't blame her.
Part of him wished that he could cry too.
She was the one closest to him, the one he knew best.
Had she been here, he might have hugged her, told her things would be okay…
…even though he knew that they would not be.
All three…so different, but one thing they all shared, the thing that cut him deeper than a knife.
They all had grey eyes, their father's eyes…
…his master's eyes…and they all stared at him accusingly.
You failed, Fenn Shadowstone, those eyes said.
You…failed!
The eldest girl was the first to speak after his brief introduction, after he told them what Avy had told him. After he had explained what had happened. The words came in a flood, but stopped as soon as they were out, stopped by pain and loss. He had wanted to say more, but words failed him. As the holograms appeared, as he faced them…he…he had no words.
All that would come out was two words...
"I'm…sorry."
"We…um…we received father's transmission," the older girl said, "We…we all hoped it was some mistake, even after…even after I…we felt…"
The young man looked over at her, he seemed calm and composed, in pain, yes, but in control…
"This is not the floor of the matriarchy, Miri," he said to her, "You don't have to speak eloquently right now. There are no holo-cams here, and no reporters."
He managed a sad smile.
"You don't have to wrestle with words right now. Fenn knows how you feel…
…he understands."
The woman, Mirax "Miri" Istillo nodded, and wiped at her eyes, there were no tears there, bad she still made sure they would not fall."
"I…I am rarely at a loss for words, Gabe," she said, "This…this is still…so unreal."
Gabrielle Orys Dar Bynn, Jas's son, nodded, even over the holo, Fenn could feel the young man reaching out with the Force, touching his sister's mind and heart. He was not strong in the Force as Miri was, but that didn't mean he could not feel it, or use it to comfort, or seek comfort.
Fenn lowered his head.
He…he wished he could offer comfort, but he felt so alone…numb.
He still wanted to deny it, that sense of emptiness, but he could not.
Jas Dar Bynn…their leader, his master…was gone.
He was not sure what happened next.
The younger girl looked down upon him.
"It was in battle, yes?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Yes, Bayla," he replied, "Master Jas…your father died fighting."
She nodded.
"He always knew that would happen," she said, "He dreamed of it many times. Confessed that he had had those dreams to each of us, as we came of age."
Fenn nodded again. He was amazed his master would have done such a thing, but, perhaps, he should not have been.
Jas Dar Bynn was…had been a Jedi first and foremost.
A Jedi didn't fear death, it was simply another part of life.
Fenn tried to remember that, focus on that, but…in this moment…it was hard…
…too hard.
"Were your losses grave?" Mirax asked him, "How are the Survivors?"
"We were successful," Fenn informed her, "Only injuries on our side, except for…"
He fell silent.
Only one loss, it should have made this attack worthy to celebrate, but it wasn't.
Master Jas was gone.
Fenn had not saved him.
Princess Mirax sniffled, and wiped at her face again.
"Father would have been pleased, then, knowing that his sacrifice saved so many.
She nodded at Fenn.
"You did well."
Fenn's eyes narrowed.
I did well, he thought.
I DID WELL?!
YOUR FATHER DIED, MIRI!" he snarled, " I COULDN'T SAVE HIM, AND HE DIED!"
He rose from the chair almost flipping the table over in his anger.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY I DID WELL?!"
Fenn waited for the explosion. These three were the children of his master, they had every right to be furious with him. In that moment, he welcomed their rage, expected it.
What he got…was not that.
They looked at him, their eyes widened by his anger, and his reaction to a simple compliment.
In that moment, it was not them, that he saw, but their father. Jas' eyes widened at his rage.
Anger was replaced by shame. He bowed his head pathetically.
"I'm…I'm sorry…forgive…forgive the outburst. I'm…I'm okay…I'll…be alright.
The three glanced each other.
"Fenn," Bayla said, concern in her gray eyes, "It is not alright, you…you are not alright."
He took a deep breath. She was right, but…
…he didn't like it.
I'm fine, he wanted to snarl.
I'm fine!
Gabe turned back to him.
"How would you have done it?" he asked.
"What?" Fenn replied.
"How would you have saved, father?"
Fenn shook his head.
"Had I been there. I could have…might have…"
Miri frowned.
"Do you blame Dad for what happened?" she asked.
"What? NO!"
"He trusted you with getting the others to safety. You accomplished that mission. He took the same chance all soldiers take. As all Jedi have taken."
Miri sighed and shook her head.
"One life, for many," she said, "Dad would have called that a fair trade."
Fenn's hands curled into fists.
"How can you be so calm about this? He was your father?"
"He is STILL my father, but I was raised in the Jedi way, just as you were," she answered, "I…we feel sorrow, and we will mourn his passing. That loss…it is an emptiness in me."
"In all of us," Gabe added.
Bayla nodded, wiping at her face.
Miri, Princess Mirax Istillo, heir to the throne of Bantoon, stood straighter.
"I loved, my father, but I will not disgrace his memory by forgetting what he lived for, what HE believed in. He taught us the code, just as he did you, I suspect. There is no death…"
"There is the Force," Bayla and her brother repeated.
Again, Fenn felt his anger rise.
"Do you think that I'm disgracing his memory?"
'I think you are too close to this pain, and that it is too raw."
She gave him a sympathetic look.
"I think…you need time."
Fenn didn't respond.
She was not wrong.
Gabe gave him a sad smile.
"How are the other Survivors doing. This…this can't be easy, for any of you?"
Fenn took another deep breath.
Condescending, he thought.
Arrogant!
Yet, he held his temper in check, for their sake, and the memory of their father, his master.
He chose to be honest.
"Morale is very low," he admitted, "Krys is trying to keep things going, but…"
Fenn shook his head.
"I was Jas' padawan. It falls to me to keep things on track. I…I can't falter, not now."
Bayla gave him a worried look.
"Do you have anyone there that you can talk to? You…you shouldn't deal with this alone?"
"I'm not alone," he said quickly.
Yes, he needed to talk with someone, he realized.
No, more than talk.
He needed Avy.
Wanted her.
She would make him feel better.
Being with her would BE better.
"So," Bayla added quickly, "You're not alone."
"Good."
Fenn blushed slightly.
Of all his master's children he knew Bayla the best. After Coruscant, and Ambria, he had spent a few months on Bantoon with his master. He had lived in the palace, and in the royal apartments.
It had been very different from the temple.
He had been twelve, and still dealing with the fallout of the sacking of Coruscant. Bayla had been the same age, and a balm when things got too serious or his anger flared.
She had been a sweet girl, and a kind listening ear.
They had had fun together, whenever Master Jas had decided to return home.
Fenn had enjoyed those visits. They had been…a release of sorts, and always, Bayla had been there.
Things had changed during their last visit.
He had been sixteen, it had been during that long period that Avy had cut herself off from him, he had found himself on Bantoon again.
What happened, he…he had never told Master Jas.
Bayla had come to his quarters one night. Came to him, kissed him, and asked to be with him.
It was coming time for her to think of the future of their house, she had told him. They had been friends for years, and she thought that they should be more.
She had wanted to lay with him, offered herself. She had asked him to serve as her lord consort and, if he was willing, one day, her husband.
He had been…surprised to say the least.
I can't do it; he had thought at the time.
What would Master Jas say if I said yes?
What would he say if I chose to lay with his daughter?!
It had felt like a betrayal, a betrayal that Fenn would not risk.
He had turned her down, gently, and they had remained friends, but…
The "what if" from that moment still haunted him from time to time.
When those thought came up, he reminded himself of what he wanted:
He had wanted to be a Jedi. He was a Jedi.
He couldn't be what Bay wanted him to be.
Is that why you did it, his conscience whispered, or was it because he still wanted to be with Avy, even then he had known that they would meet.
A few months later, that had happened.
"Perhaps you should get out of the fight for a bit, Fenn," Mirax suggested, drawing him out of his memories, and back to the present, "You and the Survivors would be welcomed on Bantoon. You could rest, recover from your recent losses."
He shook his head.
"Tempting, my lady," he said, "But Master Jas would not have wanted me to risk bringing the Zakuul down on your home world."
The heir to the throne sniffed at that.
"Our defenses are strong, Fenn."
"Never the less, we can't risk it. Your father's orders."
The woman nodded, and didn't push further. Fenn was grateful.
Master Jas had been clear on one point, and made sure his apprentice understood.
Avy could NEVER set foot on Bantoon.
The Sith had tried twice to take control of Bantoon. It was a jewel of the mid-rim. It was a world of wealth and scientific capabilities a fruit that few Sith could resist. Darth Revan had conquered it during his war, only to lose it when he had lost his throne to Darth Malak. Then only a few short decades ago, a Sith Lord had infiltrated the Bann nobles, and nearly took the world for himself. Jas, Queen Vessaria, and her protector Char Valenthyne had defeated the Sith, and drove him off.
Yet, the stain of that fight remained, the Bann didn't like the Sith or trust them, not that anyone could blame them.
Avy, despite his feelings for her, was still a Sith, and had a Sith's ambitions.
His master had decided not to take the chance.
Master Jas feared what might happen if Avy found her way onto his home world, or perhaps feared how his people would react if they found out a Sith had entered on his word. Regardless, he thought it wiser not to risk it. Avy, and her Sith, would never touch Bantoon soil.
He had made Fenn promise.
It was a promise that he would keep, no matter the cost.
"The offer still stands, Fenn," Bayla said, "It…it would be good to see you again."
He nodded, gratefully.
Mirax turned to her brother.
"You should come home, brother. Mom will need us now, all of us."
He managed a sheepish grin.
"I can't imagine that I will be very welcome. The Underlord Go walking the halls of the palace."
"Mother understands why you do what you do," she reminded him, "Besides, she needs you right now."
"How is she doing," he asked, "How is she handling it?"
"It has only been a few hours," Miri answered, "she is heartbroken, but has thrown herself into her work. She is already arranging a state funeral. Word is already being sent to the matriarchs."
Bayla nodded knowingly.
"Mom always preferred to work when she was troubled, but it would be good for all of us to be in the palace, for her."
Fenn said nothing, but he was pleased to hear it.
Vessaria was a good queen, and whatever comfort she could find in this time, the better.
Besides, Jas deserved to be honored, he had come to love the people of Bantoon, and…they had come to care for him, despite his distance from the world in the last decade.
His hand drifted to the lightsaber on his belt, his master's saber.
It would need to go back to Bantoon as well, it was all that was left of Master Jas.
His family deserved to have it.
"What of Char Valenthyne," he asked, "Has anyone told her what has happened?"
"Val is off world for the moment," Miri informed him, "She is helping Tara's uncle deal with some problems on Alderaan. Of course, she may already know something has happened. Val has been connected with Dad almost as long as she has been connected to mother."
Fenn considered that.
Char Valenthyne had been one of his master's best friends for almost five decades. Once, they had even been lovers, or so he had heard. Perhaps even, Master Jas' first.
Their bond was as close as family, maybe even closer than the one he shared with Captain Cooper, a man he saw as a brother.
Fenn feared what the woman might say when she heard, or what this might do to her. She was tough, and still strong despite her many years, but those had been very long years, Val was in her seventies now, by human standards. Though her genetic enhancements allowed her to function as a woman twenty or thirty years younger.
He hoped that she would be able to handle the loss both for Queen Vessaria, and her children's sakes.
Another loss right now would be a hard blow to the family.
Bayla shook her head.
"It is a shame that we couldn't bring a body back. Our father deserved to lay on the world he fought so long and hard for. He deserved to rest in a place of honor."
"You need not worry about that," Fenn reminded her, " He is a part of the Force now, went into it completely. He is a part of not just Bantoon, but the galaxy as a whole.
Saying those words, surprisingly, brought Fenn a bit of comfort. It soothed the rage within him, somewhat.
He welcomed that now.
He needed that now.
"When you have the chance. We would still like you to visit," Mirax repeated, " Our mother would be grateful to see you. She misses the boy you were, and would be happy to see the man you have become. Plus it will put her at ease. Some of the messages from father, they…they were worrying."
His brow furrowed at her admission.
Jas was worried about me?
Why?
I have things under control.
"Don't worry about me," he replied, "I'm fine."
After saying their goodbyes, and the holograms faded. Fenn remained in the office and watched the final, message left by his master. It had been addressed to him, and left in the hyper-comm for his eyes only.
Fenn sat back and listened to it. Unsure of what he might hear.
He watched as the hologram appeared and began to speak.
When it was done, he felt…different, a mix of emotions he could not entirely pin down…
…or like.
It seemed that Jas Dar Bynn had sensed that his end was near. For months he had remained on base, determined to make the best of remaining time. Fenn's master had been…if not ill, then weakening these past few months. Through the Force he had sensed that his days were growing shorter, and he had used his power to try to remain in the few remaining moments he had left.
Fenn had been angered at hearing that.
He could have told me, he thought.
He should have told me!
The message ended with Jas asking that Fenn remember his training, and the promises he had made. His master had been worried about Fenn's relationship to Avaryss. Yet, he had seen the value in it. He had seen it as a chance to bridge two worlds, but still suggested caution.
"Your love and compassion for this girl does you credit, lad," Jas had said, "But, at the same time, those feelings could be used to serve a great evil. I agree with you that there is still good in her, but is it enough? Is there enough left of Keera Lylos to save Darth Avaryss? You must do what you must to bring that good out, or be strong enough to deal with the darkness if that is all that is left. You must be ready my padawan, be mindful of what is to come."
His master had sighed then, and shook his head.
"I will always be with you, kid. I have loved you like a son, don't doubt that. Be strong, and wise, and remember that you are not alone."
The holo of Jas bowed to his student one last time.
"May the Force be with you, Fenn, always."
The message ended.
Fenn sat there, thinking…
…alone.
Despite what his master said, that is what it felt like.
The only time that he didn't feel alone was with Avy…or Taya…
Yet, he would do his duty.
What came next would be on him.
He needed to do the right thing.
They had all five of the keys that Avaryss had sought. Dangerous weapons all, and they could not fall into either Sith or Zakuul hands.
They needed to be removed, disposed of…quickly.
He needed to contact Tru. Jas had already briefed her. She would see these Sith artifacts safely to their new home, at least until they could be safely destroyed.
He also needed to contact Captain Cooper, inform him of Jas' death, again, it was not a call he was looking forward too.
He had another call to make too, though he was surprised that she had not contact him.
He was surprised that he had not heard from Vey Ilo, yet, she had been Jas' master, surely, she felt what had happened.
Though, she might have a reason for her silence, she had been training a new apprentice, Shyra had told him as much, a human boy with very strong Force talent.
Perhaps that was why she was not here, perhaps she was distracted.
Or maybe she didn't care.
The thought came unbidden, but he pushed it aside, just as easily.
The Survivors needed him to be strong now.
He needed to be there for them. For Krys, Gilly, and Temmin.
He needed to be there for Avy as well, her and Taya. and the rest.
He sighed.
It was a huge task, and his master had left him to carry the load, thought him ready.
I'll prove him right, Fenn thought.
He was strong, stronger than most realized.
He raised his hand, tried to summon the golden lightning of Force judgment.
It…didn't come.
Crackles of blue-violet energy leapt from his fingers, sparking hungrily.
Fenn frowned, and lowered his hand. In the shadows of his new office, his golden Sith eyes glowed brightly.
Damn, he thought.
Things were not going well, but he knew what he had to do.
He couldn't stop, and for the sake of his master's memory, he would not.
I can do this, he thought.
I'm fine.
