- Sorry for the delay! Final chapter + epilogue will be posted this Sunday :) -

Chapter Nineteen

The loud din of music led Rose in the proper direction of the Great Hall, her satin pink heels clicking in the stone corridor. She felt like a failure of a teaching assistant for not being able to navigate Hogwarts' vast corridors and halls. But, on the other hand, she knew the Dungeons better than most professors. So at least she had gained that knowledge.

It was a much different scene in the Great Hall from when she had left. Some of the floating candles had been extinguished, replaced with sparkling glass orbs that bobbed about, lightly resting on partygoers' heads before flitting off. Light filtered into the room through the enormous stained-glass windows. The room had a much more relaxed feel, now dimly lit and completely enveloped in noise.

Rose startled as her drink refilled with a different type of punch, this one appearing more citrusy, a small pink paper umbrella unfolding and resting on the edge of her glass. She laughed to herself.

Dumbledore certainly has a good sense of humor.

Everyone was now grouped around the platform at the far end of the room. Though typically the platform was where Dumbledore's lectern was and where the professors' table was, the platform had been cleared for this occasion and appeared taller. The band played from this platform, now playing a breezy, summery tune.

Professors, teaching assistants, and their guests either danced around in front of the band or stood with a drink in hand, bobbing their heads along to the music. Still, some professors stood further back and chatted in the noisy ambiance.

It was easy to find Ximena, Ella, Damon, Oisin, and Katie; they were the group having the most fun dancing closest to the stage. She shimmied her way over to them, stepping in beside Ximena and Ella.

"Well, look who it is!" Ella yelled.

"Where did you go?" Ximena asked worriedly.

"Sev – Professor Snape needed me to help him with something."

Ximena nodded, but Ella smirked. "Yeah, I'm sure he did." Ximena smacked Ella's arm lightly.

Rose glanced around nervously, but either no one was paying attention, or no one could hear them. Still, she didn't feel she was ready to let on anything, even though Severus seemed so confident that nothing bad would happen.

"It's a solstice secret," Rose responded playfully, winking.

This seemed enough to pacify Ella; she threw her head back, cackling madly.

"Get in here!" Ella yelled, throwing an arm around Rose and pulling her in between Ximena and her to sway and dance.

-o-o-o-

The Winter Werewolves played a long set. Everything was beginning to become dark and blurry when they announced they were playing their last song for the evening.

Rose couldn't remember the lyrics or names of any of the songs. She didn't remember most of the evening, really; it blended together in a slurry of frenetic dancing. Somehow, she felt that this was the way the solstice was meant to be celebrated, maybe in a way that their magical ancestors had done. She had a vision of a group of witches dancing around a bonfire in a dim forest, chanting as the sun grew lower, lower, then disappeared.

She was surprised at how much the professors enjoyed the celebration. Most of them stayed the entire evening. At the end of the evening, Rose glanced around for Severus, but couldn't find him. He had stayed for a few songs early on, sitting on one of the large wooden tables, swirling his glass idly. When he caught her staring at him, he inclined his head, raising his glass to her. She had looked away quickly.

Ella invited the group to her flat after the performance since the entire group was still very drunk, though it was only ten p.m.

Everyone agreed to go, including Rose. She wanted to put off seeing Severus, getting a feeling of nervous butterflies whenever she thought about seeing him. Besides: he deserved to wait, after the shite he had put her through this summer.

The six of them stumbled around the corridors, getting turned around and tricked by at least two moving staircases. Ximena led Rose by the hand since Rose kept stumbling on the stone floors, her heels getting stuck in cracks and grooves.

Finally, they arrived at Ella's flat, the bunch of them a little too raucous for the quiet living quarters corridor. Their laughter and chattering echoed across the corridor, encasing them. Rose felt relieved as they all pushed into the flat, the warm décor and colorful plants greeting them.

Everyone had brought their glasses, since, as it happened, they continued to magically refill.

"The house elves must have had to make quite a lot of punch," Damon remarked, taking a long drink.

Ella had the idea of a darts tournament, and Oisin hurriedly stepped off to his flat to grab his darts board. When he returned with it, only him, Damon, and Ella seemed to want to play. They threw a few rounds until they all kept missing the board so much that they decided it best to call it a three-way-tie.

It was assumed that any game they attempted to play right now would devolve back into chatting, anyway. Ella put on a Rolling Gnomes record, all of them getting up to jump and dance around wildly. Ximena turned off the lights, leaving only string lights and a few table lamps to be their light. Katie was fitting in with the group just fine, and seemed to have forgotten that Rose and Oisin had ever been interested in one another at all.

Rose felt so happy she thought she might explode. She had missed having such a close friend group, something that seemed to be unique to being at Hogwarts and perhaps being stuck in one place with your friends. She shut her eyes tightly, imagining Olivia to be there with them, wanting to treasure this memory regardless of where each of their paths might take them — away from, or back to, Hogwarts.

Once the group had tired of dancing, they all slumped around the sitting area in one form or another. Oisin and Katie sat on the couch, Katie on his lap, while Damon sat on the other end. Ella had pulled a wooden kitchen chair over and sat on it backwards, straddling the back of the chair. Ximena and Rose sat in the remaining armchairs.

Rose wasn't sure how long they had been chatting, when a rap came at the window. Everyone looked around at one another, startled.

"Did you hear that?" Ximena asked.

"What was that?" Oisin said.

Ella stood to investigate. Rose folded her hands together, trying her best not wring them. She had a feeling she knew.

Ella opened her kitchen window to reveal Onyx waiting at the window, a folded piece of parchment in his bill. He looked at Ella, waiting politely. She took the note, laughing when she saw the name.

"Ro-oooose! I think we've got a love letter for you!"

Rose tried her best to keep a calm expression as she got up to take the note, but her stomach was beginning to hurt. The group, stirred by this new novelty, got up to gather around Rose to read the note.

Ximena protested. "Guys! Give her some privacy, come on!"

No one was listening. Ella watched bemusedly, looking at Rose as if to say, Well, what did you think would happen?

Rose shrugged. What else could she do? She opened the note.

Thankfully, drunk Severus still had some tact. It was addressed briefly.

R,

I think I've been patient enough. Come here?

X

After skimming it, Rose handed the note to Ella to do a dramatic reading aloud. The group let out a chorus of whoops and "oohs". Ella was laughing loudly, Rose joining in, too. Tears pooled in her eyes, and Ella and Rose were stuck in a laughing loop, mainly just laughing at one another's reactions.

When everyone had settled, Damon finally asked. "Well, Rose, who is 'X,' anyway?"

Ximena cast him a fearsome look. Rose wondered if she was beginning to take some pointers from Professor McGonagall.

Suddenly it was silent, and everyone was looking at Rose. She cleared her throat. "Well, um, he's my … something? I don't really know yet, I guess." She added quickly, "I met him in Hogsmeade. He works at one of the shops."

"What's his name?" Katie asked. "I reckon I know him."

"Oh!" This hadn't occurred to Rose. She chided herself for such an obvious thing to miss. "I'm sure you do! Maybe if something actually is solid between us, I'll tell you. But I don't want to, er, jinx it."

Oisin laughed. "You're a witch. I don't think you need to worry about jinxes unless you're casting 'em."

"Alright, alright," Ella announced, shooing the group back to the couches. "If she doesn't want to talk about it, that's her right. I have a feeling we'll find the bloke very familiar, anyway." She waggled her eyebrows at Rose.

Oisin was offended. "What! You're saying you know? And we don't?"

Ella winked. "Best friend things."

Rose still stood near the window holding the note. Onyx blinked at her expectantly.

She quickly scrawled a response:

On my way. Leave the door unlocked.

She handed the note to Onyx, who nipped her hand lightly before retrieving the note and taking off silently into the night. She shut the window behind him.

She stood idly there for a moment, before turning to the group. The conversation had shifted to something about the Hogsmeade staff turnover and staffing shortages, led by Katie.

Rose walked to the door, pausing. "I'm off. Thank you all for a lovely solstice. I … really, I missed having such great friends. I …" Rose paused. Her eyes were a little teary.

The group let out a few playful groans and jeers.

"We love you too, you sap!" Ella called, her eyes twinkling. "One more toast?"

Rose agreed, running back over to them, and raising her glass to clink with the others. Rose downed the entire glass of punch, setting her glass down with finality and rushing out into the corridor. She shut the door behind her carefully.

She didn't think her friends would really notice which direction she had gone, but just in case, she slipped off her heels, dangling them from one of her hands. With a last glance at the door, she crept off towards Severus' flat.

-o-o-o-

He had left the door unlocked as she had requested. She shut it quietly behind her, locking it.

Severus was at the kitchen table reading, an empty bottle of red wine before him. He had taken off his dress robe coat and had rolled up the sleeves of his blouse. He had been combing his hand through his hair as he read, something she noticed he did while preoccupied.

He looked up, his face melting into a warm smile. Clearly, he had been drinking, maybe almost as much as she had.

She was filled with so much giddiness from spending time with her friends and from drinking so much punch, she thought she might burst with it. "Severus," she breathed.

He straightened, holding out his arms to her. She dropped her heels with a clatter, rushing to him. She took his face in her hands, kissing him slowly, deliciously. He held her waist tightly to him.

Then he pulled away from her, kissing her neck, whispering into it, "My Rose," kissing from her throat to her chest. She closed her eyes in ecstasy. He paused, resting his cheek against her chest.

"What took you so long?" He spoke in a gravelly, quiet tone.

She kissed the top of his head, leaning her cheek against it.

"I was having such a fun time with my friends. It's been so long since I've had such good friends. Maybe it's Hogwarts that does it."

"Hm." Was all he said, running a hand along her back.

They remained like that in silence for a while, until he said, "What did they think of my note?" She felt him smile against her bare skin.

Rose rolled her eyes, exhaling a laugh. "Ella did a dramatic reading of it. They asked about you, but I think I handled it … well? Ella and Ximena know about you, either way. You were right."

Severus nodded against her chest. He lifted his head, facing her once more. "I need you, badly."

Rose held his face, stroking his cheeks. "You can't tell me you're still drunk?"

"Of course I am. Why else would I send that note?" He smirked devilishly. He narrowed his eyes. "Are you?"

"Duh," Rose laughed. "I barely got here. The stairwells kept playing tricks on us."

He nodded, his eyes glassy. "They tend to do that."

Rose considered that toying with Severus might be more fun than she'd thought. "And why do you need me?"

She thought she might have cracked his happy drunken demeanor and saw his expression falter for a moment. She dropped her hands from his face, placing them on his broad shoulders, steadying herself. He considered this.

"Because I am, first and foremost, supremely horny."

Rose was unimpressed. "That's not …"

"And," he added, pulling her closer to him and holding her waist tighter. "You are the only person who can satisfy me."

Rose let go of his shoulders, losing her balance at this sudden shifting of her weight. Severus steadied her.

"You might be worse off than me," he told her.

Rose ignored him. "Prove it to me."

"I think you proved it already."

"Not that!" She rolled her eyes.

He smirked, as if to say, told you.

He stood suddenly, guiding her into the chair he was seated in. He strode to the kitchen, where a large wooden cabinet with a glass door took up an entire corner of the room. He rifled through it, potion vials and bottles clinking and clattering in his haste.

When he returned, he pulled up another dining table chair, moving it close to Rose's. He sat, then leaned forward, reading the labels before opening the cork on one, taking a sip, and handing it to Rose.

She took the vial, frowning at the label. "Liquid Truth?"

"Trust me. It only lasts for fifteen minutes."

Rose shrugged, taking a sip. It tasted sour and fizzed as soon as it entered her mouth. She swallowed with difficulty, smacking her lips unhappily. "It's really old."

Severus shrugged one shoulder. "It will work." He corked the vial, placing it on the table, and then uncorked the second one. He smelled it for a moment, before handing it to Rose.

"Tell me what you smell."

Rose sniffed the potion, instantly recognizing its identity. It had been years since she had brewed or even smelled Amortentia, however.

When she had brewed it while she was a student, it had smelled differently to her. Maybe it changed with her age and maturity … or maybe just with who she was attracted to.

The tug of Severus' question nagged her, and though she was able to ignore it for a moment, it became all-consuming, filling her mind completely.

She didn't recognize she was speaking when she replied, "It smells to me of iron cauldrons and bergamot."

She didn't meet Severus' eye as she handed the vial back to him. They both fully knew his cologne had a hint of bergamot in it. "And for you?"

He wafted the potion before corking it and setting it on the table. She thought she could see his hands shaking as he did so, but maybe it was her imagination or his current unsteadiness.

Severus had paused, clearly attempting to not respond. After a few minutes, however, the effects of the potion overwhelmed him, and he answered. "Roses. All I smell are roses."

It became clear to Rose that the moment had become far more intimate than Severus could have predicted, and it was obvious that he regretted it.

He refused to meet her eye, instead turning the vials in slow circles on the table, the glass making a scuttling noise on the wood. He fidgeted with his sleeves, rolling them up further, then unbuttoned his waistcoat.

As he opened his waistcoat, a minute glass vial, only the length of a quill tip and the width of half a wand, fell from the inside pocket of his waistcoat, pinging loudly against the hardwood floor.

It rolled for a moment before resting against one of the legs of the wooden kitchen table. Severus slowly stooped to pick it up, returning it to his waistcoat pocket.

"What was that? Maybe another fun activity?" Rose asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Severus froze, avoiding her eyes. "Just another solstice experiment."

Rose cheered at the thought of restoring Severus' drunken ease. "A secret one? What potion is it?"

Severus set his shoulders back, crossing his arms across his chest. "Yes, a secret one."

Fifteen minutes hasn't passed. That was the truth.

Rose's smile fell. She spoke slowly, attempting to keep her voice steady. "Severus, what is it? Tell me what kind of potion it is."

Severus crossed his right ankle over his left leg, bobbing his foot anxiously. "It's a memory potion," he said finally.

Rose inhaled a shaky breath. "What … kind of memory potion?" She whispered.

Rose blinked rapidly. "Who was it for? What is it and who is it for!" Rose hadn't mean to raise her voice, but she was shouting now. She stood, her palms on the table.

Severus wouldn't make eye contact with her. He stared fixedly out the kitchen window, gazing at the forest beyond the castle grounds. He swallowed hard.

"It's a partial memory removal potion. For you."

Rose's felt her stomach drop. The room began to spin. She tried to sit down, but landed on the floor instead.

Severus stood to help her. Rose removed her wand quickly from a concealed pocket in her gown, holding it to Severus' throat as he stooped. "Don't you dare touch me," she warned, her voice low.

Severus straightened slowly, backing away from her. "Rose," he tried. "Please. Listen to me."

Rose pushed to her feet, approaching Severus and backing him against a wall, her wand still poised at him. "All I've given you are chances. One after the other. I'm always kind to you. This is what I get? I'm not even entitled to my own memories?" Tears began to well in her eyes, and she dropped her wand to her side. "What, you're so sick of me the only way to get rid of me is to make me forget you?"

Severus reached out to her, but she pointed her wand at him once more. "No, Severus. You're not the only one to have had bad things happen to you. You're not allowed to treat me like shite because of them."

Tears began to fall from her eyes. She turned, rushing to the door. Before she could unlatch it, Severus called to her once more. "It was to protect you, Rose."

This did not completely dispel Rose's fire, though it distracted her. "What did you say?" She hissed, turning.

"It was to protect you. From me."

Still, Rose wouldn't let this calm her. "Don't be so melodramatic. That's bullshit."

Severus strode to the kitchen table, grabbing the vial of Liquid Truth, drinking its entirety. He shook his head at the fizziness, but swallowed.

He walked calmly to the sofa, sitting slowly and then crossed his right ankle over his left leg. He rested his hands on his thighs.

"It's your choice. Do you want to hear the story?"

Rose hesitated at the door for a moment before curiosity overwhelmed her.

At the very least I'll get some closure out of this, she thought.

She sat cautiously, perching on an armchair across from him. He gazed at her for a moment before shaking his head, then pressing his face into his hands. He remained like this for a while before finally straightening, taking a deep breath, and meeting Rose's eyes.

"I'll miss what you thought of me before you knew this. How I wish it could not be my reality."

He shut his eyes for a moment then, before opening them again and staring at the coffee table.

"As you may have guessed, I did not grow up with a happy home life. This, I suppose, was the root of my troubles, though I never blame my parents for what I've done in my life. Not anymore."

He paused. "My mother was a witch, though she never seemed to have much time to be a mother. My father was a muggle who drank to cope with his own demons. When he wasn't gambling away what little money we had, he was at home, ready to take his rage out on anyone who dared to glance at him."

Severus inhaled sharply through his nose, but continued. "Most of my time was spent alone, trying to avoid my father. One summer, a new family moved into the neighborhood closest to Spinner's End. They had two daughters around my age. One of the daughters, the youngest, I watched one summer afternoon turn a blade of grass into a caterpillar. Her name was Lily." Severus smiled, a faraway look masking his face.

"Imagine her surprise when I told her she was a witch. She became my only true respite from the hell of living at home. And … my first true friend."

"When I learned we would be attending Hogwarts together and be in the same year, I was thrilled. I felt invincible with her. She was fiery and protective of me, funny and clever. She was the only person in my life to show me what it looked like to truly care for someone else."

"I was met with a shock when I discovered that students in the same year were sorted into different houses. I was sorted into Slytherin, and she, Gryffindor."

He paused again. "This, naturally, was when everything changed between us. Though we were still good friends, I began to become jealous when in her fifth year she began seeing someone romantically. This someone bullied me relentlessly; I despised him. I fell into a different crowd, and that was the end of our friendship."

Severus looked up at Rose hesitantly to gauge her reaction.

She was watching him with a worrying expression. "You loved her," she stated.

Severus nodded.

"Keep going," Rose said.

Severus ran a hand through his hair. "This different crowd happened to be much more than troublemakers, and I fell quickly into the sense of belonging that occurred with their mission. Plus, I was supportive of their mission at the time."

Rose felt her body begin to melt into the chair she was sitting in. Maybe she could disapparate out of here if she could think quickly enough. But she couldn't, she was too far into this, she needed to know the answer. She needed to know the truth.

"What mission, Severus?" Rose asked, her voice low.

Severus inhaled deeply through his nose. Some silence passed. Severus retrieved his wand from inside his waistcoat, quickly waving it and murmuring an incantation under his breath. All the windows in the flat suddenly appeared as if they had been boarded up, and when any noise sounded, it was as if they were in a contained box.

"For privacy," he explained, then rolled his left blouse sleeve up to his elbow.

"I'll show you," he said.

He pressed his wand harshly into his skin, and the color of it began to shift. Black bands began to run across his forearm like veins, sloping and intersecting to finally form a clear marking: a skull with a snake swirling out of its mouth.

I'm in love with a Death Eater. Great. Was all Rose thought, her body suddenly feeling both cold and numb, a loud rushing sound flooding her ears.

She had no idea what incantation he had used to protect the flat and had no idea of how to counteract it. She froze, not comprehending what to do next.

"You're a murderer," was all Rose could get out. "I thought you were just a lonely, off-putting professor … but you're evil. You're a terrible person. How could you …" Rose's voice had grown uncharacteristically high-pitched. "How could you lie to me like this?"

Severus studied his right forearm, looking at it as if it were an unsightly piece of trash found on a sidewalk.

He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Rose," was all he said.

"I'm sorry? I'm sorry? Is that what you said after you killed innocent people for something they couldn't control? Or helped your friends do it? Oops, sorry?"

Rose was standing now, and yelling. She felt her eyes might start emitting flames with her fury. She wanted to rip his flat apart and burn everything in it.

Severus stood hurriedly, waving his wand. Rose broke out of her trance. She had actually set fire to the curtains and the kitchen table and chairs. When Severus had extinguished everything, he sat down again, this time gingerly.

Severus still wouldn't meet her eyes. "Perhaps this should be it. I don't want to distress you any further."

"No," Rose answered quickly. "You owe this to me."

Some silence passed. Severus sat with his hands folded, his head bent.

"Why, Severus?" She asked. He glanced up, this time making eye contact. "I'm muggle-born. Why even involve me?" She pleaded.

Severus shook his head. "I'm not pureblood, either. I can't tell you why. I wanted to belong, somewhere, anywhere. I don't know."

A few tears fell from Rose's eyes, but she wiped them away hurriedly, swallowing thickly. "Keep going. Finish the story."

Severus nodded. "While Voldemort was still around, I overheard a prophecy. This was told to Albus by Sybill Trelawney at the Hog's Head Inn whilst he was interviewing her to work at Hogwarts. She prophesied a child would be born at the end of July that would be the downfall of him. There were two children who could have been the subject of this prophecy. I informed him of this." Severus swallowed, then exhaled. "I was unaware that Lily's son, Harry Potter, was the chosen subject of this prophecy."

He paused again, his eyes teary. "I begged Voldemort to spare Lily. He agreed, but I couldn't trust him. I found Albus and asked him to protect Lily and her family; in exchange, I would act as a double-agent."

Severus began rubbing his palms across his knees repeatedly.

"But he found them," Rose prompted.

"Yes," Severus whispered, his eyes damp. "Yes, he found them."

Rose fell back into the armchair heavily. They sat in silence for a few minutes, a complete quiet consuming them. Severus cleared his throat.

"I remain here to protect the boy. To attest for my mistakes. And for Lily."

Rose clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. "He'll be back, won't he?"

Severus finally met her eye. "Yes, Rose. He'll be back."

Severus retrieved the small vial from his waistcoat once more.

"Take this. I'll leave it up to you to do what you think is best. It only works for you, anyway." He paused, hesitating. "I need you to make a vow … to keep you safe. No one is aware of this information, aside from Albus. Do you agree?" He looked at her beseechingly.

Rose hesitated, but nodded.

Making deals with a Death Eater. How did I get here? She wondered.

Severus unbuttoned his blouse lower, taking his wand and making a small 'x' over his chest: where he had held the wand, thin scrapes in the shape of an 'x' illuminated gold. He handed his wand out to her, and Rose did the same, wincing.

Both of their markings glowed gold before disappearing into their skin without a trace. She handed his wand back to him.

"If you are forced to tell someone, I'll know you're in danger."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Don't act like this serves any other purpose except to protect you."

Severus flinched, but nodded. He held out the vial to her. She took it, rolling it gingerly in between her fingers before throwing it onto the hardwood floor, the vial shattering, liquid pooling in the cracks between wood planks.

Severus stared at where it landed, and Rose knew Severus had hoped she would drink it anyway.

"Fuck you," she hissed. "I will never forget the monster you are."

Rose waved her wand once, dispelling the protections Severus had created. The door unlatched and swung open, and she rushed out, hurrying quickly to her flat. She wouldn't let him see her cry, never again.