Seth couldn't put his finger on it but ever since Jessica returned from New York, she hasn't been the same. It was more of a feeling he had. She cleaned up her garden as she usually did when she returned from away. After being stuffed up in the city, she loved working with her hands in her yard. She went to the city fundraiser and the library meeting, greeting friends and neighbors but the smile didn't reach her eyes and appeared forced at times.
No one else seemed to notice anything wrong but Seth was particularly alert when it came to Jessica. He knew her quite well. She was a little quieter than usual too if you cared to look deeper.
Jessica went about straightening up the meeting room after the committee dispersed. Seth would arrive in a few minutes to drive her home and she knew she would have to be in top form. Seth was observant to a fault and hiding anything from him was difficult if he was paying attention. She could usually distract him for a time when he allowed it or if he was waiting on her to bring up the matter but she knew he was winding down his patience.
He was waiting out front for her when she walked out of the library. He got out of the car and opened her door for her before walking around to the driver's side and getting in.
"Good meeting?" he asked, putting the car into gear.
"Jasper Franklin insists that the puppet show is too rowdy and wants it eliminated." She huffed quietly. "Really Seth, it's thirty minutes once a month. He only goes to the library once a week and if they change the day of the puppet show then he changes the day he goes to the library to match it."
Seth didn't comment. Jasper has always been ornery. "I was thinking about hiking up at Spooner's Mill next week. Care to come? We can picnic."
"I'll have to see. I might be in New York next week," she said quietly.
"New York! You usually go in September to see your publisher, Jess," growled Seth. He couldn't believe his ears.
This time Jessica didn't care to comment. The mood shifted noticeably in the car but fortunately he was pulling up to her house.
"Care for coffee, Seth?" She asked, turning to look at him. She knew he was trying to limit his complaining about her travels.
Seth looked at her carefully. He knew she didn't want him to come inside. For that reason alone, he was going to accept her invitation. What was she hiding?
She turned on the light in her kitchen and set about making coffee while Seth took a seat at the table.
"Do you have anything to nibble on?" he asked.
Jessica turned to her cookie jar and put a few cookies on a plate. Setting it in front of him she silently asked if it was acceptable.
"Perfect," he assured her.
She poured two mugs of coffee and sat at the table with him. The silence wasn't as comfortable as usual and Seth stared at her, waiting.
"Can I help?" he asked, softly.
She didn't try to pretend she didn't understand but she tried to deflect. "I need a break. I can't continue burning the candle at both ends."
"Ayuh," he agreed, waiting.
She shifted in her seat. Seth wasn't changing the subject or even speaking again. He was waiting for her to explain and she knew it. She picked up a cookie and broke pieces off of it. It didn't take her long to finish her coffee.
She stood and cleared the table. Seth hastily grabbed the last cookie on the plate.
"How long will you be in New York?" he asked.
"I'm not sure," she replied.
"What do you mean, you aren't sure?" he questioned. "A few days? A week?"
"Really Seth, I can handle my own calendar." She turned away from his scrutiny.
She was surprised when he stood and stopped beside her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently. She turned and pressed her face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and they stood there in the kitchen. It was rare for her to seek comfort and he felt a frisson of fear before chasing it away.
"Jess?" He kissed the top of her head. He began rubbing her back.
She didn't want to look at him so she began speaking while keeping her head pressed against his chest. "My gynecologist, Dr. Abram, thinks I should have a hysterectomy."
Seth paused his rubbing and looked down on her. Jessica went to her gynecologist for any female related matters which kept things comfortable between them. "Are you having problems?"
Jessica shook her head. "I think she just feels like I should have it done before major problems start. I got a second opinion when I was in New York and she agreed with the first opinion."
"You don't have to have one if you aren't having any issues. A lot of women wait and some never have one."
Jessica sighed. "It's just…I already felt like less of a woman…not being able to have children…and if I don't even have a womb, I'll feel like I'm even less than before."
Seth stepped back to see if she was serious. "It doesn't make you less of a woman."
Jessica's eyes flashed. It was always a touchy subject for her. "You don't understand. I didn't say it made me less of a woman. I said it made me FEEL like I'm less than a woman."
"Having a uterus or not having one shouldn't make you feel that way."
"You can't be this obtuse, Seth. If your penis stopped working, would you feel like less of a man?" She turned away from him. "Forget it. I can't discuss this with you."
"No, wait. We can discuss this, Jess."
"Not if you're going to tell me how I should feel," she insisted.
"You're right, Jess. I'm sorry for telling you how to feel." He touched her shoulder lightly. "You know I've been wanting to take you away for your birthday. What say we go up to Watchman's Bay and get in a little fishing?"
Jessica turned and looked at him searchingly. "It would be relaxing. Okay Seth, let's go. Is Archie's cabin available or are we just going up for the day?"
"Let's make a weekend of it. We'll drive up Friday morning and return Sunday evening," decided Seth.
"That gives me two days to find another set of lures," announced Jessica. "Thanks Seth." She kissed his cheek quickly and turned toward the refrigerator.
Seth smiled, relieved. Being on the water always cheered her up.
It was a glorious summer morning when Seth picked her up in his car. He stored her small suitcase in his trunk and they were off. Seth was happy that Jessica seemed so cheery and vowed to keep that smile on her face all weekend.
Archie had a small rowboat chained on the side of the cabin and Seth made quick work of pulling it to the lake. He didn't make the mistake of trying to assist Jessica inside but he did stow all the fishing equipment and a cooler full of food and drink.
Jessica wore practical shoes along with jeans and a t-shirt. Seth was wearing his hip waders in case he had to get in the water. It wasn't very deep except in the center of the lake.
He got his daily dose of exercise rowing away from the shore but it wasn't long before their poles were baited and in the water. The sun rose high in the sky but there was a breeze and Seth had his lucky fishing cap on while Jessica wore a large straw hat.
"Let's keep it interesting, Jess."
Jessica looked up at Seth. "Whoever catches the least fish has to row us back."
"You're on, Seth. Is there a time limit?"
"Three hours…starting now!"
They were fishing in earnest now. Seth pulled his rod in and replaced his lure with a bit of turkey from his sandwich. Jessica smirked at him and replaced her lure with a dab of peanut butter. After two hours they each had four fish.
Seth caught his fifth but was having trouble reeling it in. Jessica grabbed the net and tried to help but Seth shooed her away. He didn't want her claiming any credit in grabbing his catch. Jessica laughed merrily and tried to snag it anyway.
Seth blocked her maneuvering and Jessica stumbled. Seth grabbed her arm as she was about to tumble out of the boat but only succeeded in going into the water after her.
Jessica popped up quickly and wiped water from her face. "Really Seth!"
Seth was having a harder time of it since water had entered his waders. He had to remove them before climbing into the boat. Jessica had already climbed aboard and he couldn't help staring.
As a physician, the human body wasn't unfamiliar to Seth and it wasn't like Jessica was standing naked before him. He simply stared and dared to dream.
Jessica was about to fuss but Seth wasn't normally this quiet. She looked at him and noticed he was staring. She looked down but didn't notice anything. She was soaking wet though. The water had chilled her. She looked at Seth again. He was still staring. She took a closer look at herself. Sure, her t-shirt was clinging to her but it wasn't see-through.
"Seth, can we head back?" She took a seat and tried to pull her jeans away from her thighs. "Seth?"
"Oh, er…sorry Jess," he mumbled. "Just admiring the view." He said it softly but she heard him and gaped.
"What?" Did she hear him correctly?
Seth put the oars in the water and began rowing, ignoring her question.
It didn't take long to reach the edge of the lake and while Seth busied himself with putting the boat away, She hurried into the cabin. The plumbing in the cabin was pretty primitive. A cistern collected rainwater and a simple filter processed the water as it flowed from the pipes. Unfortunately the water was usually cool if not cold. She had to get the lake water off her skin so she put up with the cold water.
She was clean and dry by the time Seth entered. He had removed everything except his pants. He stopped on the threshold and waited. She was probably going to give him what for and plenty of it.
He hung his head. "Go ahead and tell me off."
"Oh Seth," she said warmly before standing in front of him. She wasn't going to hug him, not without him wearing a shirt. "You've seen so many people in your career, in various stages of nudity, I'm sure.
"I'm sorry I stared. I was just surprised." Seth looked into her eyes. "I always knew you were in good shape. I was just surprised at how well."
Jessica let out a laugh. "I'm not offended, not by you." Throwing caution to the wind, she threw her arms around him. "It was flattering."
"If you ever feel like less of a woman, remember my gobsmacked face as I realize how much of a woman you actually are." He pulled away and smiled at her. "I better get into dry clothes."
Jessica took a seat on the couch. She mused over Seth's reaction. He really liked what he saw. Although it wasn't much, a few curves he probably never realized she had. She shook her head and smiled. Being a woman wasn't a collection of body parts or lack of parts. She was a woman. Maybe it was time to embrace what she has denied for years.
Seth left the bathroom and watched Jessica humming as she prepared the fish. She didn't appear any worse for wear and seemed to be in a good mood. Water always cheered her up.
