You can do this, Winchester... It's only been three years. He can't hate you for leaving, you didn't have a choice, not really.

Dean hesitated on the porch steps to their house, worry cloying at his chest like a scared animal. He wondered if his husband was even home.

He hadn't tried calling or, hell, even texting when his plane touched down on familiar ground a few hours ago.

Dean had just hopped into the first taxi he could flag down and gave them his address. He considered texting Benny or Charlie, even Sam as he sat down on the top step, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

He wasn't entirely sure he was even ready to see Cas yet. He hadn't written to Dean in over six months, what if he moved on and didn't know how to tell Dean.

He opened his phone and clicked on Contacts, scrolling through the list before deciding to text his husband. He typed a quick message.

'Sitting outside the house, don't even know if you're home or working... Call me if you get this.'

Re-reading the short message, he hit backspace and watched as the text disappeared from the screen.

'Just touched down a couple hours ago, text me, please.'

He hit send and flicked away the message app back to his Contacts list and clicked on Benny's name, opening a new message thread.

'Hey man, I'm back... Wanna grab a drink?' he hit send and stared at the screen until the chat bubble popped up, indicating Benny was texting back.

'Heybrother, I would love a drink. Meet at the Road House?' Benny replied. Dean smiled softly at the screen, quickly typing back. 'Yeah, be there soon.'

He exited the message app and dialed for a cab. He would be at the Road House in twenty minutes, grateful the place wasn't far. Maybe a few fingers of whiskey would set him straight before facing Cas.

-_-_-_

"Dean, you old sonuva bitch, c'mere." Benny threw his thick arms around Dean, pulling him into a near rib-crushing hug. Dean slung his arms around the Cajun's back and returned the welcoming hug.

"Fuck, it is good to see you again, brother." Benny chuckled when they broke apart without putting space between them.

"Yeah, you too man. How's, shit, how've you been?" Dean mentally shook himself, remembering Benny had broken off his engagement with Andrea last year.

Benny had written him a letter, detailing how he'd found out she was cheating on him with an old ex of hers and she had given back his great grandmother's ring before walking out the door. It had been hell on the man, and Dean was half way 'round the world, unable to comfort his best friend.

"I'm good, Dean. How the hell are you? Have you seen Cas yet?" Benny responded giving Dean a look that reminded him the Cajun could see right through any of his lies. Dean knew better than to lie to his face.

"No, I went by the house but I don't think he was home... I did text him, in case he was still at work." Dean answered truthfully as the two of them took up a couple of empty stools at the end of the bar.

Dean glanced up, noticing a new girl at the other end of the bar serving a couple of women.

"Where's Ellen?" Dean inclined his head towards the girl, looking over at Benny, his brow furrowed. "She's around, hired some help. This place has been busy since you've been gone, cher." Benny patted Dean on the shoulder, causing Dean to flinch.

"Shit, I forgot... Fuck." Benny gave Dean a sympathetic smile. "It's cool, the damn thing just acts up now and then. Kind'a got used to it." Dean shrugged.

The girl approached him and Benny, Dean couldn't help but notice how her black tank top clung to her thin frame, the deep V-neck accentuating her breast's. Got good tips he figured.

"Two whiskeys, darlin'." Benny smirked at the girl, Dean assumed couldn't have been a day over twenty-four and sighed, remembering what it was like to be that young.

The girl stepped to the side, pulling out two glasses and a bottle of whiskey from some unseen space behind the bar before placing the now full glasses in front of Dean and Benny. Benny lifted his glass and silently raised it towards Dean.

"To having you back in one piece, and keeping you that way." Benny tapped his glass against Dean's, the two of them tipping their drinks back and downing them.

Dean grunted, the burn of the alcohol catching him off guard as he set his now empty glass down on the bar. "Jesus." he coughed, shaking his head. Benny simply laughed at him.

"I take it you haven't drank in a while." the Cajun laughed, clapping Dean on his good shoulder. "You could say that." Dean laughed. Just then, Dean felt his phone buzz in his pocket, alerting him he'd received a text.

"'scuse me, Benny." Dean slid off his stool and made his way towards the bathrooms, digging his phone out of his pocket as he went.

He clicked it on and stared at the text notification, his eyes going blury at Cas' name in the header. He tapped open the message.

'Stuck at work, will be home late. There's a spare key under the front mat, let yourself in.'

Shit, Cas was probably swamped at work.Great. Dean wouldn't see him for who knows how long.

He didn't bother replying, just shoved his phone back into his pocket and returned to Benny, who had ordered another round while he'd been gone.

-_-_-_

Dean stumbled up the front steps, bracing a hand against the door to keep himself from falling face first into it as he retrieved the spare house key Cas had told him was hidden under the mat.

It only took him three tries before he got the door unlocked and stumbled inside, dropping the key on a table by the door. He managed to shut and lock the door before making his way into the kitchen.

He snatched a glass from a cabinet and pulled himself over to the sink, filling it with water and chugging half of it down. Fuck, he would feel like shit in the morning.

He wandered back into the entryway, crossing into the living room and collapsing onto the sofa. Dean groaned, tossing his arm over his eyes as thoughts of Cas flashed through his mind.The hell are you even going to say to him?

Hey babe, I'm sorry I left for three years but I couldn't ignore my duty. Serving my country was more important.

God, he felt miserable. He had witnessed so much fucked up shit during his deployment, dealt with so much fucked up shit and what did he get? A fucked up shoulder and horrible nightmares he couldn't talk to anyone about.

He prayed Cas would understand, prayed he wouldn't be mad at him. Prayed their relationship wasn't doomed, that he hadn't doomed it when he left three years ago.

The sound of a key in the door tore Dean out of his thoughts, springing to his feet as fast as his broken body would allow and rushed silently to the door. He hesitated, unsure what he was even doing when the door swung open to reveal Castiel dressed in his surgical scrubs.

"Dean?" Castiel whispered, like the man would vanish if he said his name too loud. Dean remained quiet, unsure what to say. Castiel rushed forward, throwing his arms around Dean's neck, holding onto him tightly.

Dean tensed, holding his breath as his husband clung to him. He shook himself and quickly wrapped his arms around Castiel, holding onto him like it would kill him if he suddenly let go.

They held onto each other for a long time, neither saying a word. After another moment, Castiel slowly pulled away but not before he saw the hurt look on Dean's face.

"Fuck, I missed you..." Castiel felt tears well up in his eyes, cupping Dean's face. Dean let out a shuddering sob, dragging Castiel back into his arms. "I'm sorry, baby." he managed through broken breaths. Castiel leaned his head back to take in Dean's face.

"You have nothing to apologize for." he stroked his hands soothingly up and down Dean's back, pressing kisses to his husband's forehead. "I left you, God, how could I ever leave you..." Dean hiccuped. "Shh, it's okay sweetheart." Castiel reassured.