Into the Light
Summary: The talk between Anakin and Obi-Wan after the Council's decision not to make Anakin a master goes a little differently. Anakin is more open to talking to Obi-Wan about his worries, and Obi-Wan's reaction is unexpected. Things change from there. For both of them. And probably for the Galaxy, too.
Chapter 1
"What kind of nonsense is this? Put me on the Council and not make me a master," Anakin grumbled as he and Obi-Wan made their way down the steps. "It's never been done in the history of the Jedi. It's insulting."
"Oh, calm down, Anakin," Obi-Wan tried to reign in his former padawan's temper. "You have been given a great honor. To be on the Council at your age... It's never happened before." While that was true, Obi-Wan wished there was no hidden agenda behind the decision. But, alas, it wasn't so. Lately, everybody seemed to have some ulterior motives for their actions. There were so many secrets going around. "The fact of the matter is you are too close to the Chancellor. The Council doesn't like it when he interferes in Jedi affairs."
"I swear to you, I didn't ask to be put on the Council."
"But it's what you wanted," he pointed out. For some unknown reasons, Anakin, who previously had shown no interest whatsoever in rising in the ranks of the Jedi, just being happy doing his job as best as he could, suddenly couldn't wait to be promoted before his time. Those secrets again... "Your friendship with Chancellor Palpatine seems to have paid off," he concluded with a bitter taste in his mouth.
"That has nothing to do with this."
Oh, but it did.
"The only reason the Council has approved your appointment is because the Chancellor trusts you."
"And?"
"Anakin, I am on your side." He felt dirty for rolling on his back again for the Council and letting Anakin pay the price for their short-sightedness. It was like the Hardeen incident all over again. "I didn't want to put you in this situation."
"What situation?"
"The Council wants you to report on all the Chancellor's dealings. They want to know what he is up to."
"They want me to spy on the Chancellor?" Anakin asked incredulously as they walked up to one of the large windows overlooking Coruscant. "But that's treason."
"We are at war, Anakin." That was a poor excuse for many things they had been forced to do lately, Obi-Wan knew it.
"Why didn't the Council give me this assignment when we were in session?"
"The assignment is not to be on the record."
"The Chancellor is not a bad man, Obi-Wan. He befriended me. He's watched out for me ever since I arrived here."
"That is why you must help us. Anakin, our allegiance is to the Senate, not to its leader, who has managed to stay in office long after his term has expired."
"The Senate demanded that he stay longer."
"Yes, but use your feelings, Anakin. Something is out of place."
"You are asking me to do something against the Jedi Code, against the Republic, against a mentor and a friend." he accused him. "That's what is out of place here. Why do you want me to do this?"
And that was it; something finally broke in Obi-Wan, and he cried out in frustration. "Damn it to the seven hells, I do not want you to do this, Anakin. I do what the Council is asking of me, no matter what. No matter the personal costs."
A beat of stunt silence followed his outburst.
"Master?" Anakin finally asked.
"I am so sorry, Anakin." Obi-Wan shook his head then pressed his hand against his tired eyes before looking at his young friend. "I can see that something is wrong..." He started in a low, worried voice. "That something had been bothering you for a very long time. And I want to help you. I really do. But it seems that I am either completely unable to do so or that whatever I do, I just push you further away. I don't want to lose you, Anakin. I hope you know that."
Anakin nodded, somewhat stunned by the turn of the conversation. Well, Obi-Wan was also surprised at his own outburst. But maybe it had been quite overdue for some time.
"I can see that something has been deeply troubling you ever since we returned to Coruscant. Even before that."
And he wasn't wrong if Anakin's expression was anything to go by. For a short while, he seemed to be deciding whether to talk and finally, he made up his mind. Obi-Wan waited with bated breath.
"I feel torn between what I think is right and what is expected of me as a Jedi. And now everybody is talking against each other, and I don't know what to think. How to feel."
"And that is something we should obviously address very soon, but it is not all, is it, Anakin? There is something more." There was a long silence after that again. "Talk to me, Anakin," Obi-Wan prodded gently, cupping his cheek as he used to. Slowly, the boy lifted his eyes. "All I ever want is to help you, dear one."
His endearment put a small smile on Anakin's face, but it faded quickly.
"You'll be disappointed in me," he said in a small voice. "Again."
"I know you, Anakin. I may disapprove of your decisions or be exasperated, but I've never been disappointed in you. Let me help you."
"It's about Padmé," he admitted finally, and Obi-Wan's hand fell from his cheek.
"Go on," he prompted gently, crossing his arms on his chest and giving his full attention to Anakin.
"I... We..." Anakin started his eyes once again straying from his.
"You love her," Obi-Wan finished for him, and Anakin's gaze flew back to his; his eyes were wide with surprise. Obi-Wan smiled. "Anakin, I am not an idiot. Nor am I blind."
"We are married," Anakin blurted out.
"Yes, go on." That boy should really start giving him some credit.
"She is pregnant."
"Oh, now that is unexpected." Obi-Wan ran his hand over his beard. "Is that what's bothering you?"
"I'm having dreams... about her dying in childbirth."
"Anakin..."
"I know, master," he cut him off petulantly. "Dreams are just dreams. But it's just like my mother all over again. You said that those dreams were just dreams, too, then. I can't lose her."
"So, that was why it was so important suddenly to get on the Council. You want access to the Archives." Anakin nodded. "I don't think you will find answers there." Obi-Wan shook his head, contemplating his options. "And maybe there are easier ways. Maybe our healers could take a look at her. Maybe they could find some..."
"No," Anakin objected vehemently.
"All right," Obi-Wan tried to pacify him. "But you do know that it is extremely rare for a woman to die in childbirth."
"I don't know what's happening," he cried frustratedly. "She may be perfectly fine now, but I know something is happening. Something's..."
"Out of place," Obi-Wan finished for Anakin, who just nodded. A silent understanding passed between them as Obi-Wan contemplated what to do. Then, he finally spoke up after checking the time. "Come with me."
Anakin followed Obi-Wan in silent resignation through the corridors of the Temple. They were walking in the corridor of the residential quarters when Anakin actually started to pay attention to his whereabouts. Soon, he realized that they were not going to Obi-Wan's quarters or his. They came to a stop by an unfamiliar door. He looked around, trying to orient himself so he could, at least, guess where they had been going. Obi-Wan had already punched in the access code when Anakin realized that they were at Master Ti's place.
Obi-Wan walked into the room as if he had owned the place. Anakin followed at a slower pace, somewhat unsure of entering without invitation.
"Obi-Wan," Master Ti greeted his former master, sitting on her meditation mat with closed eyes, sounding not at all surprised at the unannounced intrusion. "And I see you brought a guest," she added with a serene smile as she opened her eyes to look at Anakin.
"I hope you don't mind, my dear," Obi-Wan said as he walked up to the woman and helped her up. Anakin noticed that she was dressed more casually than her usual Jedi attire.
"Of course not," she looked at Anakin from behind Obi-Wan. "Welcome, Anakin. You are always welcome here."
"Thank you, Master Ti." Anakin nodded gratefully. However, he suspected that his confusion was evident on his face.
"Dinner is ready," Master Ti announced promptly, and the two masters moved towards a table set for two.
"Dinner?" Anakin murmured as he followed the others, not quite sure what was happening. "Oh," he looked at the table. "You were having dinner. Just the two of you."
"Do not worry," Master Ti called from the kitchen, where she was rummaging through the small cabinets. "There is always enough food around," she announced as she emerged with a third setting for the table. Obi-Wan actually laughed out at that just as he carefully discarded his robe on the couch.
"People tend to forget that Togrutas have two stomachs," she smiled. "We need our nourishment."
"Oh, don't I know that?" Anakin laughed with a fond expression, remembering Ahsoka's ferocious appetite.
They sat down after Anakin folded up his robe as well, and he found that he was indeed welcome. The conversation was pleasant, and he felt involved without it being forced. He had worked with Master Ti on occasions, and he knew that she was a good listener, always genuinely interested in what the other was saying. She was also an entertaining conversationalist, not in a boisterous way but in a quiet, witty way. Obi-Wan was hanging on her every word with a strange sort of fascination. Seeing Obi-Wan's transformation in the presence of the other master and watching their interaction, verbal and physical alike, Anakin quickly came to a startling realization. "You were having a date," he blurted out without thinking, then looked up wide-eyed. Obi-Wan and Shaak Ti froze, and it would have been comical if it hadn't been for the visible pain in their eyes. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to overstep."
"That is quite all right," Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "We do not have dates, as you put it. You may disregard the rules, but we are not allowed to form romantic attachments. Much less to act on them."
"We do appreciate each other's company, though," Master Ti added with a warm smile.
Well, they might not have a date, but Anakin didn't miss the fact that neither of them outright denied their apparent affection for the other.
"Of course, master." Anakin bowed his head.
"Now," Shaak Ti continued as she put down her utensils and looked at his former master. "As for the reason of your pulling poor boy here, care to elaborate?"
"Well, we find ourselves in a predicament, and I think you are the one who can help."
"Of course."
"So, as you know, Anakin is married to Senator Amidala." Anakin groaned. Was there anybody who was not privy to that information? "And as it turns out, they are having a baby."
"That is a predicament indeed. But congratulations nonetheless." Anakin nodded stiffly.
"Unfortunately, that is not the predicament at the moment."
"I am having nightmares about Padmé dying in childbirth."
"I see. And what do you need me to do?"
"I need you to teach Anakin how to use the Force to heal."
"You can do that?" Anakin's head perked up, hopefully. Was that even a thing?
"I have some rudimentary training, yes, and I'd be happy to teach what I know, but it is not only about Anakin's nightmares, is it?"
"No," Obi-Wan shook his head. "I came to know my limits." He turned to Anakin. "And now I am not the suitable master to help you. And not just because I find myself conflicted as well. However, Master Ti can help you learn how to use the Force to heal. But at the very least, she can help you calm your mind and see more clearly. That is if you accept her help."
"I would be most grateful, Master Ti," Anakin turned to the woman, just the prospect making him feel a little bit lighter.
Shaak Ti bowed her head in acknowledgment when Anakin's com beeped. He looked down to check it.
"It's the Chancellor. He wants me to meet him."
"Just go," Obi-Wan told him, even though he didn't seem at all happy that the Chancellor had interrupted their evening. For once, Anakin wasn't that eager to meet him, either. He was having a good time.
"And what about..."
"Don't worry about the Council," Obi-Wan told him, which earned him a questioning look from Mater Ti, although she remained silent. "We'll figure something out."
Anakin nodded. "Thank you," he looked at both of them, then, grabbing his robe, started to leave. However, just before reaching the door, he turned. "With all due respect," Anakin began when he had the couple's attention. "You are being idiots," he stated simply. "I mean, you are clearly in love. What difference does it make if you are together or not? Are your feelings not there anyway? Why deny something to yourselves when doing so obviously makes no sense? Just think about it." And with that, he left.
After Anakin left, there was silence in the room for quite a while.
"And now," Shaak cleared her throat, feeling put on the spot. "Regarding your predicament," she looked at Obi-Wan. "What is troubling your mind, my love?"
"Nothing," he gave the automatic reply, but Shaak gave him a look. "Everything," he amended finally. "I told Anakin what the Council expects him to do but in the end, I just couldn't find in myself to agree with the Council's methods. I know that something is not right concerning the Chancellor. I've never really liked the attention he paid to Anakin. But is this really the way? Have we lost sight of everything that matters just for the sake of reaching our goals? What happened to us? No wonder that Anakin is conflicted. I am conflicted." Slowly, Shaak rose and walked behind the rambling man, bringing her arms around his shoulders, embracing him from behind, and pressing her face into his hair. "He is right, you know," he observed regarding Anakin's last comment, and Shaak hummed against him in agreement. "Of course, you know," Obi-Wan added with an affectionate smile.
"You wanted to do this the right way." She remembered the conversation they had shortly after Anakin had arrived at the Temple. She could recall every single argument Obi-Wan had made about why they could not be together. She could still refute every single one of them. She never did. "And it was the right way. But maybe not the only way. And, of course, we did not factor in Anakin's penchant for going after his heart. You were so worried for him when he went and married the Senator that you completely disregarded your own needs. Just when I hoped to have a chance again... It was infuriating, but I loved you even more for that."
"Your patience astonishes me," he smiled, his voice filled with all the love he felt for her.
"I love you. I'd do anything for you," she said, pulling him closer. "And I'd never want to change you, you wonderful man."
"I love you so much."
"You are good for each other," she continued. "You and Anakin. He can teach you how to experience your feelings again. And you can teach him how to balance those feelings. You need each other."
"You may be right," Obi-Wan hummed.
"I am right," Shaak smiled. "So, what do you say? Do we keep being idiots just on principle or..."
"Don't be mean," Obi-Wan groaned as he reached behind to pull her into his lap. She went willingly. They locked eyes, and her hand went to caress his face. "I say kriff the principles. They are rather skewed these days anyway."
"On that, we can agree," she smiled before their lips met for the first time in about thirteen years.
TBC
