Sirius's Perspective - Chapter Nine, Second Day of Christmas Holidays, Evening
Harry was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Sirius had, of course, felt this way when the boy was born, when James and Lily had asked him to be his godfather. He had been the sweetest, happiest little baby, and Sirius had cherished every moment spent with him.
If baby Harry was a joy to be around, though, it was nothing compared to spending time with his teenage godson. Harry was polite and kind when he needed to be, but also funny, inquisitive, and intelligent. He reminded Sirius so much of James, especially when he channeled his father's sarcastic sense of humor; yet, that morning, when Harry had insisted Lily and James would have wanted him to stay there, in Grimmauld Place, he reminded Sirius strikingly of Lily. She had such a knack of knowing exactly what Sirius needed to hear and saying it to him boldly, unapologetically. As Harry had looked defiantly up at him with Lily's green eyes, Sirius knew without a doubt that his godson was right; he needed to stay.
And thank Merlin he had; otherwise, Harry would have been back at Hogwarts with his friends, and Sirius would have been stuck in this house, drowning his sorrows in firewhiskey.
Not that cleaning dark artifacts out of his evil family's bedrooms was that much better than drinking himself to oblivion, but at least this way he could spend time with Harry too.
Sirius had agreed Harry could help him sort the items to toss out, but only after he had checked them thoroughly for curses. They had spent the morning and most of the afternoon tackling the guest room, which would become Remus's bedroom once he was relieved for the Christmas holidays
By the time evening had rolled around, they were both exhausted. Harry plopped into a chair at the kitchen table and groaned. "A full day's work and we only got through one bedroom."
Sirius flicked his wand towards the fridge to start dinner, running a tired hand through his short hair as he did so. "I say we leave the rest of the rooms alone once we get the living room in order. No need to kill ourselves cleaning this place up when we won't be living here anyway."
"Do we have to do the living room?" Harry groaned, eyeing him wearily.
Sirius smiled at him and shrugged. "I guess not… I just figured we would want a bit more room to stretch out on Christmas."
Harry seemed to light up at the mention of Christmas. He beamed at him. "I almost forgot what day it was! Are you gonna get a tree? Can we decorate?"
Sirius flicked his wand, putting the finishing touches on the roast before levitating it over to the table. "I had hoped we could go get one together, but I'm not supposed to leave here until the Ministry says I'm innocent."
"They still haven't said anything?" Harry asked, looking crestfallen.
Sirius shook his head, giving his godson a weak smile. "Nothing in this morning's paper, but maybe tomorrow… though I suspect someone will contact me directly. Anyway, if I can't go, maybe Moony and you can go get one and bring it back. He'll be here tomorrow evening and should be good to stay with us through Christmas Day."
"Why couldn't he come tonight?" Harry asked, knitting his brow.
"It's the full moon." Remus had the Wolfsbane now and could stay safely in his office, but part of Sirius wished, for old times sake, he could join him as Padfoot on a walk through the Forbidden Forest grounds. Perhaps next month, once Harry was back at school, he would ask him…
"Oh." Harry picked up his fork and stabbed a couple of his potatoes with it. "Will… will he be okay?"
"Yeah, he'll be fine. There's been lots of advancements in recent years for werewolves. He takes a potion regularly now that makes the transformation pretty bearable, from what he's told me."
Harry nodded and took another bite. They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, the only sound the clinking of their cutlery against the plates. Then, Sirius summoned a glass of firewhiskey to the table. He swirled it, then took a long sip.
Harry eyed his godfather. "What are you drinking?"
"Firewhiskey… I've always had a taste for it and I found a bottle of my father's in the pantry last night."
"Are you sure it's not poisoned?" Harry asked, looking between the glass and Sirius warily, as if Sirius might sprout tentacles at any given moment.
Sirius barked a laugh. "I tested it beforehand, but my father did love his alcohol… I doubted he would tarnish good whiskey just for the hell of it."
Harry's expression changed from skepticism to interest. "Could I try a sip? My friend Ron has mentioned it before… he said he's always wanted to try some."
Sirius raised his eyebrow, grinning at his godson. "It's a bit stronger than butterbeer, mate."
"Just a sip!" Harry insisted. "I just wanna know what it tastes like…"
Sirius passed the glass over. Harry scrutinized it, swirled it like Sirius had just done, then brought a small sip to his lips. He immediately began to cough, his eyes watering, as the fiery liquid torched his tongue. He passed the glass back to Sirius unceremoniously, and it took everything in Sirius not to laugh out loud. "I told you you wouldn't like it…"
"That stuff's awful," Harry choked, wiping his streaming eyes. "Are you sure it's not poisoned?"
This time, Sirius really did laugh aloud. "Now why would I try to poison you?"
"Oh, I don't know," Harry deadpanned. "Aren't you supposed to be Voldemort's right hand man and a known muggle killer-"
Sirius interrupted Harry's quip with a well-aimed toss of a potato; it hit the left side of his glasses perfectly, leaving a large smudge in the middle. Harry looked at him in total surprise for a moment. Sirius raised an eyebrow in challenge, a grin plastered to his face. "My fork slipped, sorry about that. What were you saying?"
A beat passed. Then they both erupted into laughter.
Sirius had sent Harry off for bed a few hours after dinner and had gone up to his parent's bedroom to figure out what to do with the wardrobe. He highly doubted Harry would go anywhere near the thing again, but nonetheless, he would feel better knowing it couldn't accidentally trap one of them.
He had tried to shrink it, as well as slice it into smaller parts, but neither had worked. He was debating blasting the entire wretched thing apart, when he heard a soft cry coming from outside the room.
Sirius knitted his brow and stepped out onto the landing, glancing around to see if it had just been Kreacher walking by; he had spent the better part of the last two days bemoaning Sirius's removal of his mistress's things.
"Lumos," he whispered, glancing down the dark hallway. There was no sign of the house elf.
Sirius heard another whimper, and realized it was coming from the next room over. He hesitated; Harry and him had spent the day joking around with one another, getting along as if they had known each other for years. Yet, Harry had neatly avoided every opportunity to discuss the Dursleys and he froze any time Sirius got remotely close to him. He clearly wasn't ready for any sort of deep conversation, and he didn't seem to enjoy physical affection, at least not yet… so how the hell was Sirius supposed to help him through… whatever, this was?
Sirius turned back towards his bedroom, feeling dejected, but determined not to ruin the momentum the two of them had together, when Harry shouted out again, louder than the first time.
He turned on his heel and marched back toward his old bedroom, embarrassment be damned. In the least, he would wake Harry up from the nightmare, even if he insisted he leave immediately.
He pushed open the door to his room, relieved to find Harry had left it unlocked. He sought the boy in the darkness, finding him under a pile of bedcovers. He was moving slightly underneath, murmuring something under his breath; he sounded distressed, afraid.
Just wake him quickly, don't make a big deal out of it, Sirius told himself, stepping closer to the bed. He cleared his throat and reached out to shake Harry's shoulder. "Harry, mate, you okay?"
Harry's eyes shot open and he recoiled from Sirius's hand with a harsh gasp. Moments later, awareness seeped into his gaze. Sirius could see, from the dim light of his wand, Harry's face had gone from the palest white to red.
"Er… sorry, did I wake you?" Harry asked tentatively, not quite meeting Sirius's eyes.
Sirius studied him a moment, noting his damp bangs, his clammy complexion. "I was still awake… doing a couple of chores," he mumbled with a casual wave of his hand. "Just wanted to check on you… everything okay?"
Harry hesitated, then nodded. "I'm fine, Sirius, sorry. Just a… a bad dream."
Sirius frowned. He grabbed the glass of water from Harry's bedside table and passed it to him. "Here. I'm next door if you need me, alright?"
Harry took a swig of the water, then nodded. "Alright, thanks."
Sirius recognized the dismissal. He gave Harry a fleeting smile, then walked out of the room and closed the door swiftly behind him.
Lupin's Perspective - Third Day of Christmas Holidays, Mid-Afternoon
Remus shook the soot out of his graying hair as he stepped into the now-familiar kitchen of Grimmauld Place. He felt exhausted and sore from his transformation the night before, and he was looking forward to a good dinner with Sirius and Harry, followed by an early evening.
He looked up at the kitchen table and spotted Sirius sitting at the head with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in front of him. He bounded toward Lupin when he saw him, a warm smile on his features, his dark eyes lighting up with excitement.
"Hey Moony, how're you feeling?"
A flood of emotions passed through Remus at hearing Sirius's voice, at seeing him there in front of him, looking more and more like his old self by the day. His eyes, which two days ago had haunted Remus, looked somehow different… brighter, in a way; they were still an unnatural gray, but something about them reminded Remus of a perfectly sunny day with bright blue skies.
"I'm great," Remus answered sincerely, grasping Sirius's shoulder. "The wolfsbane makes it all much more bearable."
"No cuts?" Sirius asked, scanning the exposed lower-half of Remus's arms.
Remus smiled at him, lifting his hands upward to prove it. "No cuts. I just curled up and tried to sleep through it as best as I could." He looked away from Sirius's concerned eyes and glanced around the kitchen. "Where's Harry?"
"I think he's taking a shower," Sirius said, glancing up at the ceiling. "He's been helping me some. I've, of course, been doing all of the curse breaking, but he's been sorting things and helping me move them out of the main rooms. Our three bedrooms, the kitchen, and the living room should be safe for us to use for the holidays now."
Remus nodded, then lowered his voice. "How are things going?"
"They're going well," Sirius said enthusiastically, but he did not quite meet Remus's eye.
Remus smiled at him knowingly. "What is it now?"
"Nothing," Sirius said with a wave of his hand. He moved back toward the table and fell unceremoniously into a chair. Remus watched with fondness as he tilted the front legs of it backwards and glanced at the ceiling, mimicking the old I'm too cool to care attitude he had carried at Hogwarts. When they were in their fifth year, this demeanor had fooled Remus; Sirius seemed unflappable, unstoppable. When James had discovered Sirius's awful home life a mere year later, though, he became much easier to read.
Sirius may have looked as if he didn't care, but it was only because he was trying to put on a brave face.
"If it was really nothing," Remus said gently, taking a seat across from Sirius, "you would have told me all about what a wonderful time Harry and you were having together when I asked how things were going. When you're in a good mood, you're a man of many words, Padfoot, face it. So what's bothering you?"
Sirius tried to shoot a glare at Remus, but he sighed after a moment and looked back up at the ceiling. "It shouldn't bother me, is the thing."
Remus knitted his brow as he reached for the hot chocolate Sirius had prepared for him. "I don't follow."
"Harry flinches everytime I go near him. I can't tell if it's because he's still worried I might hurt him or if it has something to do with the Dursleys… or…"
"Ah," Remus mumbled, taking another sip of the warm drink. "Well, you know… just because James and Lily were touchy people doesn't mean their son is…"
"Yeah I know," Sirius muttered, deep in thought. "It's just… he had a nightmare last night, and when I put my hand on his shoulder to wake him up, he practically jumped out of his skin. I know he won't trust me right away, and I can respect that… I'm just worried that he's still scared of me."
Remus knitted his brow. "I… I don't think that's it, Padfoot, honestly. If he thought there was a chance you'd hurt him, don't you think he would've come with me to Hogwarts yesterday?"
Sirius stared ahead for a moment, then nodded. "Right… you're right. I guess I'm being impatient… trying to force a relationship when he's not ready. We've barely had two days together." Remus watched Sirius closely; he still looked preoccupied. "Did Dumbledore give you any updates on the Pettigrew-trial situation?"
Remus grimaced at the change of subject. "He thinks it will be Friday. We should know by sometime tomorrow… er, you realize what you'll have to do, right? What this trial actually is?"
Sirius shrugged; Remus could tell his mind was still on Harry. "I'll show up to the ministry with Dumbledore, they'll lock me in a holding cell, I'll have to testify-"
"With dementors above you," Remus interrupted, realizing with a jolt that Dumbledore hadn't shared any of his concerns with Sirius regarding the trial. "I'm almost sure of it. It's how they did all of the trials, twelve years ago…"
Sirius met Remus's concerned gaze, a look of panic crossing his preoccupied features. "Their last order was to give me the kiss…"
"Dumbledore won't let that happen," Remus insisted. "But… I felt like I needed to warn you that it was a possibility, so you could prepare your testimony. It… er, Sirius, it sort of seems like this is going to be your trial too."
Sirius's demeanor transformed from thoughtful and a bit worried to cold and angry; he stood up quickly and began pacing the length of the kitchen, clearly agitated. Remus watched him sadly. When Dumbledore had told him all of this yesterday at Hogwarts, he had felt certain he was relaying the same information over here, to the man who would actually be standing the trial.
"So I'm sort of freed, but not really, and Dumbledore throws me in this fucking house for safe keeping until I have to go to the trial I never got and-" Sirius aimed a kick at his chair; it toppled over, the back leg cracking off as it hit the tile floor, "let the dementors feast their eyes on me until they decide if I'm really innocent? Can Dumbledore not do anything about it? He kept Severus fucking Snape out of Azkaban all this time, and you're telling me he can't keep them from treating me like a cold-blooded killer when I didn't actually do anything?"
Remus opened his mouth to retort, when he heard footsteps pounding down the stairs. He held up a hand and shot Sirius a warning look; they had both agreed, for better or worse, to keep the trial details from Harry until after it was all over. Dumbledore wouldn't allow Sirius to go back to prison, no matter what happened, but all the same… it was best not to put Harry through any more stress if they could help it.
They both turned towards Harry as he entered the room. Remus tried to smile at him, but Harry had eyes only for his godfather, who Remus knew, was still reeling with anger.
"What happened?" Harry asked worriedly, glancing between Remus and Sirius.
"Nothing," Sirius said, clearing his throat and forcing his hands deep in his pockets. "Here, I made Moony and you some hot chocolate."
Harry was watching Sirius with alarm, and Remus could tell it was taking every bit of self-control Sirius possessed to stop himself from raging about what he had just heard.
And Harry, Remus noticed a moment later, seemed to be having a bit of an internal battle himself. He kept looking between the broken chair on the floor and the hot chocolate. Finally, after seconds of tense silence, he glanced at Remus again. Remus tilted his head ever so slightly toward the drinks; Harry seemed to get the message. He shot one more anxious look at Sirius, then took a seat at the table and gripped his hot chocolate.
"How are you, Harry?" Remus said with a smile, hoping to buy Sirius a bit of extra time to calm down.
"Alright," Harry murmured, swirling the hot chocolate around in his mug.
"Tired?" Sirius asked him; he sounded casual, but there was still an edge to his voice.
"No," Harry said quickly. "No, I'm not."
Sirius took a deep breath; with a casual flick of his wand, he repaired the chair he had broken, then sat back down in it. "I can't say the same. We worked hard today, Moony, you'll never believe all the sh- er, stuff, we've found."
"Found any treasures?" Remus asked Harry brightly. "Anything we can use for Defense class? I'm afraid the wardrobe will be a bit too big to transport to Hogwarts."
Harry grinned sheepishly. "I wouldn't want to demonstrate it, anyway. I don't think we've seen anything else that's been too awful, though… there was a box with wart cap powder… and a spider looking object that tried to puncture my arm, but Sirius smashed that one already…"
Sirius remained silent as Harry reviewed their day; he still looked preoccupied. Harry quickly noticed his lack of participation; tense quiet fell among them as he glanced up at his godfather again, then took another sip of his hot chocolate.
Merlin, these two, Remus thought exasperatedly. It would take years for them to grow closer with this poor communication, and according to Dumbledore, they only had a fortnight.
A flash of white in Harry's shirt pocket caught Remus's eye. He knitted his brow; Harry wouldn't take anything dangerous from the house, would he? "What've you got in your pocket, Harry?"
Harry looked down, surprised. Then, his eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! I found this yesterday morning, Sirius."
He passed what looked like a small wizarding photograph to his godfather. Sirius reached for it and smiled weakly, then passed it to Remus so he could take a look. In the photo, Sirius was laid back on the couch and stroking baby Harry's hair as he took a nap on his chest.
Remus smiled too; he couldn't remember if he had been there that day. It depressed him sometimes, to think of all the memories that seemed to disappear the night James and Lily died.
"We used to do that a lot." Sirius murmured as Remus returned the photo to him. "I'd tucker you out as Padfoot, then we'd both take a nap. It was a great babysitting strategy, really."
Harry smiled, but he was still watching Sirius uncertainly. "Do you want the photo back?"
Sirius held up his wand and gently tapped the photo; with a slight pop, it split into two perfect copies. "There we go, one for you and one for me."
Harry smiled tentatively at Sirius, but it quickly faded as Sirius pocketed his photo and looked away without another word, brooding again. Finally, Harry seemed unable to take it any longer. "Did I do something?"
That seemed to pull Sirius entirely out of his bad mood; he turned towards Harry, looking surprised. "What? No… I just… Moony just brought me some bad news, that's all…"
Harry watched Sirius closely, his eyes conveying hurt. Remus could tell he wanted an explanation for why everyone was acting so strange. He wished he could tell Harry, and Sirius for that matter, that it would all be okay… but with Sirius's fate in the hands of the ministry that had failed each of them, even he was unsure.
When Sirius didn't say anything else, Harry nodded and looked away. "Okay. Well, actually, I am feeling a bit tired, so I might… get a nap before dinner if that's alright?"
Harry stood abruptly, his rapidly cooling hot chocolate forgotten on the table, and walked away.
Remus eyed Sirius as Harry's footsteps faded above them; he looked, if it was possible, even more miserable than he had a few minutes ago.
Sirius groaned and put his face in his hands as Harry's door slammed. "I'm royally fucking this up, aren't I?"
Remus chuckled darkly, shaking his head. "I think it's obvious to both of you that you're keeping secrets from each other."
"I just don't want to worry him about this stupid trial," Sirius muttered. "I didn't want him to think there was a chance I'd go back to jail after we uprooted him here… but now I really don't want to tell him because it's starting to sound like they are trying me for murder."
"Dumbledore won't let anything happen to you," Remus said solemnly. "No matter what, I know he'll get you back here."
"That's just it, though." Sirius groaned. "What if it goes wrong? What if I lose the trial, or am found guilty for something else, and I have to make an escape? Is Dumbledore going to make me live here for the rest of my life?"
Remus eyed Sirius warily, knowing they were thinking the same thing. "I guess that depends how much you want to keep Harry with you… you could go on the run, but…"
They shared a worried look as silence fell between them. Remus had to admit things were beginning to look grim. Dumbledore had assured Sirius that the ministry was on their side, that they were working to free Sirius and make up for what they had done… but of course, it couldn't be that simple. Sirius's innocence revealed corruption, obstruction of justice, and a myriad of other problems rife in their political system. The Ministry wasn't focused on ensuring Sirius's freedom; they were focused on maintaining the public's trust and protecting their image.
And if something did go wrong… could Dumbledore get Sirius out of there safely? Would Sirius be willing to stay in hiding in the house that had tormented him as a child? And if he wasn't willing, if he chose to flee, would Harry ever be able to forgive him for abandoning him again?
