Look—I'm still here! Am I working on my WIPs? Does looking at them count? How about having the ideas in my head? Well, until then, enjoy my first-ever filled square in Winterhawk Bingo—Round 5!
Square I2 - Sign Language
The lights in Clint's room started flashing lavender, so he knew it wasn't a call to assemble. He rolled over and lifted his head from the pillow, staring at his phone display. "Wonder what Laura wants?" He mumbled as he reached over and grabbed his hearing aids. Once they were in and powered, he answered. "What's up? What? How long? I'll be there as soon as I can." Clint tossed the phone on the bed, swung his legs over the bed, and put his head in his hands. "Shit, big brother, you don't do anything halfway, do you?" Clint lifted his head and saw his hands were beginning to shake.
"Agent Barton?" Friday spoke. "Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes have just returned from their mission. I took the liberty of suggesting the debrief be postponed."
"Thanks," Clint mumbled, not moving from his position. "Come on, Barn, hold on. I'll be there as soon as I can."
Clint stayed still as the door to their suite slammed open. Bucky began tossing off his work attire as soon as he entered, so by the time he entered the bedroom, he was down to a black T-shirt and his tac pants. When he saw Clint, he rushed over and knelt by him. "Clint? What happened? Talk to me, babe." Bucky put his hands on Clint's knees. What can I do? Are you hurt?"
Clint vehemently shook his head and sniffed several times before finally getting out one word. "Barney."
Bucky held back a growl. He knew it wouldn't do Clint any good to hear that. Clint had dropped hints of the convoluted history of the relationship between the brothers. One of the things he loved about Clint (though they haven't used the L word yet) was his unwavering loyalty to those he cared about, no matter the actions they'd taken in their past. He thought about his first introduction to Clint. He was one of the first people Bucky met after Steve, Natasha, and Sam had dragged his sorry ass out of Budapest and showed up to the tower with him. The archer looked up from inhaling a bowl of cereal and made a wisecrack about how he'd now have a worthy opponent on the shooting range. The comment shocked Bucky out of his stupor, and he murmured a wisecrack in response, causing Sam to snort, Clint to inhale milk, and Steve to roll his eyes and shake his head. Looking back, Bucky realized that was the point at which he might have found a kindred spirit in Hawkeye. From there, the relationship grew from acquaintances to co-workers, to friends to friends with benefits, to where they are today. "What's going on?" What Bucky wanted to say was 'How the hell does he want to screw up your life now?'" He shook his head, remembering Clint had told him Barney was trying to clean up his act and be a kinder, gentler version of himself (translation, less of an asshole and more of the way a big brother should be).
Clint composed himself before answering. "Laura called. Coop and Lila found him unconscious on the kitchen floor when they got home from school. Laura was picking Nate up from a friend's house." He took a deep breath and then continued. "She said he had a stroke. He's in surgery to break up blood clots, prognosis unknown."
"They still in Iowa?" Bucky was trying to formulate a plan.
Clint nodded. "Til the kids are done with school."
"Friday? Does Tony have any of his planes here?"
"The Gulfstream is in the hangar," the AI answered. "Shall I have the staff ensure it's ready?"
"Please."
"I'll also notify the Waterloo airport and arrange for a rental car."
"Thanks, Friday."
"Of course, Sargent Barnes."
Bucky pulled out his phone. "I'll let Stark know." Before Clint could protest, Bucky was already talking. "I'll keep you posted," Clint heard Bucky say before the call ended. "He's already offered to have Banner meet us there even though I reminded him for the 3,000th time he's not that kind of doctor." Clint didn't respond. He continued to stare straight ahead. "Hey, doll?" Clint looked up at Bucky. "Let's get dressed and head out." Clint was still glued to the bed, so Bucky stepped back and held out his hand. "Come on, Clint. The quicker you get dressed, the quicker we'll get there." Still no response, so he grabbed Clint's hand and pulled him to a standing position. With gentle tugs, he guided Clint to their closet. "I'll go update Steve and meet you in the kitchen." Bucky took a couple of steps and leaned in to kiss Clint's forehead.
Clint said softly, "Thanks," then began rifling through clothes.
When Bucky got downstairs, he found Steve at the counter pouring coffee into three mugs. "Clint okay?" Steve handed Bucky one of the steaming cups.
Bucky took the mug with his metal hand & ran his other hand through his hair. "It's Barney. Laura called. He had a stroke and is in surgery. We're headed to Iowa."
Steve inhaled his coffee. "We taking the jet?"
"Who's this we?"
"You, me, and Clint. Should probably let Nat know, too."
"Let Nat know what?" The friends turned and looked as Natasha came into the room. She'd already changed out of her Black Widow outfit into a plushy sweater and jeans and was wringing her wet hair out with a towel. Bucky filled her in about Clint's brother. She had the same reaction, except that her growl was audible. She'd always done her best to protect Clint from Barney, as much as her best friend would let her, anyway. She agreed with Clint that Laura was a positive influence on Barney, helping keep him on the straight and narrow. "How are the kids?"
"Didn't think to ask and Clint didn't say, so guess they're doing as well as can be expected."
Natasha pulled out her phone. "Lila? It's Auntie Nat." A quick conversation ensued. When it was over, Natasha put her phone back in her pocket. "They're all at the hospital. Laura followed the ambulance to Waverly Health Center. They're expecting us."
"The rest of the gang tagging along?" The trio turned to look at Clint, who had entered the kitchen. "Anyone call Thor?" Natasha, who knew Clint better than anyone, knew he was using his attitude to mask his hurt. She spoke up. "Lines are down to Asgard, so you're stuck with us." Clint nodded. She looked around. "Let's move."
The group walked out to the hangar and boarded the jet. Before Clint could enter the cockpit, Steve blocked the doorway. "Nat and I got this one." He clasped Clint's shoulder. "I know you think it'll help you get your mind off things, but trust me, it won't. Go have a seat and let us handle it. You can fly us back." Clint opened his mouth to sarcastically sputter a retort, but Steve pulled out his 'dad look.' Clint knew when he was beaten, so he spun around and stormed toward the cabin. As he approached Bucky, Clint collapsed into the seat next to him. Bucky knew there was nothing he could say to Clint that would be effective, so he lifted his arm and placed it around Clint's shoulders Clint deeply sighed and laid his head on Bucky's shoulder. The two stayed that way until the plane touched down and taxied down the runway.
To no one's surprise, a rental car waited for them at the counter. Clint thanked the lady behind the counter after getting the keys from her. He wasn't surprised to see the contract didn't have a return date. 'There are some advantages to knowing Tony Stark,' he thought. He pocketed the keys and led the group silently to the parking lot. Once everyone had climbed into the spacious SUV, Clint started the vehicle and pulled out of the airport complex. From that point on, Clint's mind was on autopilot. How many times had he been to Waverly General (when did they change the name, anyway)? Though, to bese times he was the patient being driven to the most of those times hospital, doing his best not to scream out in pain every time the ambulance hit one of the thousands of potholes the country roads developed over the years. Hell, if there would've been speed dial back then, the number would've been programmed into the phone. Scratch that, because there's no way in hell his asshole of a father would've taken him or Barney to get medical attention. "Just suck it up and get over it, you good-for-nothing brat. Can't do anything without thinking you're hurt. Back in my day, we had to be dead before anyone called the doctor." He can still hear his dad's voice screaming at him. After railing against him, the bastard would then usually punch him several more times just for the hell of it. How many times had he and his brother heard that speech, and how many times had they both wished they or their father would've died so the pain would just end? Before he got himself worked up any further, he felt a gentle tap on his knee. He turned his head and saw Bucky focused on him with a concerned look. Once Bucky knew he had his attention, he discreetly pointed to the steering wheel. Clint looked and saw his hand, knuckles turned white and fingers gripping the steering wheel as if that was all that was keeping him grounded and in the vehicle. Clint exhaled and relaxed his grip. He hoped he didn't do any damage to the leather steering wheel cover. OK? Bucky mouthed. Clint signed back, 'brings back memories.' Bucky nodded and kept his hand on Clint's knee, gently squeezing it every so often – his way of keeping Clint in the present and reminding him he wasn't alone in this.
Clint parked and they got out of the vehicle. They entered the hospital, passing by the information desk, figuring Clint knew the layout better than they did. When they got to the surgery waiting room, Clint cleared his throat. Immediately, the kids ran to him. "Uncle Clint!" Nate yelled as the two older kids went over to Steve and Natasha. Clint tightly hugged his youngest nephew and then handed him off to Bucky, who quickly enveloped him in his arms.
"How is he?" Clint asked after hugging Laura.
"Just got out of surgery and is in recovery. They think they got all the clots." She sniffed and unashamedly wiped her nose on Clint's jacket. "He'll be in recovery for a couple of hours. The doctor should be out to talk to us soon."
"Good." Clint patted her on the back. "You holding up okay?"
"Trying to keep it together for them," Laura replied in a shaky voice as she nodded her head toward the kids.
"Come on," Clint put his arm around his sister-in-law and took her down a hallway to another smaller waiting room. They sat down, and he leaned in his head toward Laura. "Talk to me."
"Things have been going so well lately. He's been going to all his meetings, and his attitude has improved so much." She turned her head toward Clint. "Did he tell you he heard from Maria? Clint shook his head. "She called and wants to interview him, thanks to you. He's made such a turnaround, Clint. He's not the same man I married."
'Or the same one I knew growing up,' Clint thought. "That's good to hear." He forced himself to keep his voice calm, to be the rock he knew Laura needed in that moment, so he did what he'd done for his entire life; he pushed down his feelings to let Future Clint deal with them.
They heard a knocking and looked up to see Cooper standing in the doorway. "Doc's here."
"Thanks, Cooper. We're on our way." Clint stood and held out a hand. "Come on." Laura grabbed Clint's hand, stood, and they went back to the main waiting room.
Clint squeezed Laura's hand as they entered the waiting room. "Mrs. Barton?" Laura nodded. "I'm Doctor Anderson. Please, have a seat." He motioned with his hand toward some empty chairs next to Cooper and Lila. Laura and Clint sat down. Clint noticed the rest of the group had moved to the other side of the room to allow Barney's family a sense of privacy and where they were able to keep an eye on Nate, who appeared to be in a serious conversation with Bucky and Natasha about something. Once the two had sat down, the doctor sat across from them and leaned forward, speaking to them in a quiet and soothing tone. "As you know, your husband had a stroke and was rushed into surgery once we discovered blood clots. The good news is it appears we were able to break them apart." Laura breathed a sigh of relief. "The next 48 hours will be crucial. He's still out and will probably remain that way during this time. Once he wakes up, we'll know more about how the stroke affected him."
"How long before he wakes up?" Laura asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"It's hard to tell. We'll be monitoring him the entire time, of course. This gives his body the opportunity to rest and heal. I believe in being honest and not sugarcoating information. Your husband has a good chance of recovering from this. He's relatively young and healthy, both of which work in his favor. I'll come by every day and check on him. Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time with any questions." The doctor paused shortly before continuing. "Do you have any questions for me?"
"When can we see him?"
"He's being moved to the ICU. You can go to the waiting room on the third floor. The staff there will let you know when he's ready for visitors."
"Thank you, Doctor Anderson."
He stood up. "I'm glad we were able to get him into surgery so quickly." He shook their hands. "Try to stay positive and remember this rest is helping him recover." The doctor turned and left the waiting room.
Clint turned to Laura. "They'll probably limit his visitors to a couple at a time."
Laura nodded. "I'll take the kids, and we'll go on up. That'll give you time to update the team." She leaned in and hugged him. "I'm glad you're here."
Clint returned the hug. "Wouldn't be anywhere else." The two had a brief conversation. He released Laura, hugged his niece and nephews after exchanging a few words with each of them, and then watched them until they got on the elevator and the doors slid shut. He turned, walked over to the team, and updated them. As he finished, he collapsed into a chair between Bucky and Natasha. He stretched his legs out and bent his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Laura and the kids are going up there now."
"You're not going?" Steve asked.
"Nah, I'll go up there later today or tomorrow. Give the kids time to see their dad. She said we can stay at the house as long as we need to."
"Is there enough room?" Bucky asked.
Clint turned his head to look at Bucky. "Oh, that's right. You weren't here for Ultron. Yeah, Laura's always said the house has stretchy walls." Clint put his hand in his pocket and jingled the keys. "I told Laura we'd have dinner ready for them." Without saying another word, Clint spun around and left the waiting room, the team on his heels.
The drive to the Barton farm was quiet, leaving Clint to his own thoughts. The only sign Clint was upset was his continual drumming of his fingers on the steering wheel. He took them down a gravel road and turned onto another gravel road. About half a mile later, they arrived at the farmhouse. There was a red barn off to the side. Behind it was a fenced area with some cows and horses grazing. Once the car stopped, the doors opened, and Clint popped the trunk. As soon as the trunk closed, the front door slammed against the house and a golden retriever came flying down the stairs. "Incoming," Steve said, preparing himself by kneeling. He braced himself to keep from being knocked over by the overly affectionate dog. Hey, Lucky." Steve ruffled the dog's head, causing Lucky to immediately roll over and beg for more. "Yeah, we've missed you, too, big guy."
"Lucky?" Bucky asked. "The dog has one eye. How would that be lucky?"
Clint replied. "He was rescued from a gang who was beating him up. I found him and took him to the vet. Figured the dog would be good for the kids." Clint walked over and knelt next to Steve. "Been a good boy, pizza dog?"
Bucky shook his head. "Now I know the dog was meant to be a Barton." Bucky stood next to Clint, and Lucky jumped up to greet him.
"Lucky Pizza Dog Barton, meet my fella, Bucky Barnes."
"Nice to meet ya, Lucky." He petted Lucky, allowing the dog to lick his face, which hid his blush at being introduced (even if was to a dog) as Clint's fella.
"Ahem." The guys turned toward Natasha. "Anyone want to help carry the luggage, or do I have to do everything?"
"On it, boss," Steve responded.
"That's more like it," Natasha smirked as she turned and made her way toward the house. The men followed behind her as Lucky jumped around them.
"Usual rooms?" Steve asked.
"Yep," Clint said. "We'll take the suite."
"The suite?" Bucky asked, startled, wondering if he'd slipped into a Twilight Show episode or maybe another dimension.
"Don't act so surprised, Barnes. These hands are good for lots of things." Clint wiggled his eyebrows at Bucky.
"Don't I know it," Bucky mumbled as he rolled his eyes. He knew Clint was using humor to cover up his real feelings, but Bucky still picked up their bags and followed Clint up the stairs, then up a second set of stairs. Clint put his hand on the biometric scanner and the door opened. The suite was at the back of the house, with windows on each side, and its own large bathroom and smaller kitchen. "Welcome to Casa Clint." Clint waved his arm across the room as Bucky took it all in.
Bucky set the bags down, walked around, and inspected the various rooms. After he'd inspected everything, he returned to Clint. "Guessing this wasn't part of the original floor plan?"
"Hell, no." Clint flung himself onto a well-worn couch, which appeared to have been a shade of purple but was now closer to gray. "It was a huge unused space in the attic. Once Barney and I 'inherited' the house (Clint using air quotes), I immediately claimed the area."
Bucky made himself comfortable next to Clint on the couch. "Let me guess, because it was the highest place in the house?"
Clint bit his lip and thought about his response. "That was part of it. It was mainly because this part of the house didn't hold any memories for me. Barney added it after he and the family moved in. He thought Laura might use it for an office, or the kids might turn it into a play area. So, since I wasn't attached to it in any way, figured I'd make it my own space." Bucky nodded. He'd tried to get Clint to talk more about his childhood, but he was always reticent to, so Bucky figured he'd fill him in when he was ready to. "The kids did come up here when they wanted to get away or if they thought they were in trouble." Clint looked around. "Guess the spot is good for that." His voice softened. "Everywhere else feels like the walls could reach out and grab me or start talking to me, reminding me of all the shit that happened here." He turned to look at Bucky, who could see Clint's blue eyes getting misty. "Now's as good a time as any to talk to you about it, I guess."
"Clint." Bucky laid his hand on Clint's shoulder.
Clint shook his head. "You've been patient with me, waited this long to hear about it. Nat's the only one who knows the whole story. The others are like you, only hearing bits and pieces." He took a deep breath and began to share with Bucky about growing up in the house. He talked about how Barney and he were inseparable, how his big brother protected him from their dad's abuse until his dad, while drunk (as usual) was driving drunk, crashed, and killed himself and their mother. He filled Bucky in on the number of foster homes they were shuffled through (mainly ran like the household they grew up in, abuse and all), how they couldn't catch a break until Barney decided they should join the traveling circus that came through town. "Not that it was any kind of life for a kid, but it is where I learned archery, where I learned I was good at something, having been called good-for-nothing most of my life up to that point." He finished the story with the brothers leaving the circus, then Barney leaving Clint, thinking they'd have a better shot at a better life apart than together. The more Clint talked, the smaller he made himself until he was curled up with his knees bent to his chin and his arms wrapped around them. "I don't want him to die, Bucky. If he dies, I've got no immediate family left. No one to say whether any memories I have are true or if I just made them up. I'll be the only blood Barton left."
Bucky could hear the loneliness in Clint's voice. He thought he could see little Clint Barton at that moment, afraid there was no one who could help him, who was on his side, who could rescue him from his loneliness. He did the only thing he could think of - he reached over and pulled Clint toward him. Without saying anything, Clint put his head on Bucky's shoulder and started softly crying. Bucky just held him and rubbed his back in a circular motion, hoping Clint could feel his presence. After a long crying jag, Clint mumbled something. "What?" Bucky asked, the words too muffled for even his supersoldier hearing to pick up.
"Sorry."
"For what?"
Clint sniffed. "For dumping everything on you and drenching your shirt."
Bucky shook his head, pulled Clint away from him, and looked him directly in the eyes. "Don't, just don't. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me."
The archer wiped his eyes. "Damn it, Bucky. Here I am talking about memories and my issues are nowhere near yours."
Bucky put a hand over Clint's mouth. "Stop. We're not here to compare traumas. Besides, Stevie fills me in on things that I might forget."
Clint sniffed again. "I've got to be strong for Laura and the kids." 'I've got to be the rock that Barney and I never had,' Clint thought. He knew they deserved so much more than a couple of ex-carnies for relatives, but Laura went into the marriage to Barney knowing what she was getting into. She'd grown up in Waverly, where everyone knew about the Barton boys – Barney the smart mouth and Clint the one who always seemed to be hurt, never able to quite keep up with the other kids his age. Barney had told her that, finally, some smart-ass social worker had decided to have Clint tested, and his hearing loss was discovered. The specialist's sister was deaf, so he was able to give Clint and Barney a basic introduction before they ran away. lint had adapted by reading lips and filling in the blanks in conversations by learning to read people. Clint did his best to hide his perceived weakness from others; he didn't want to be seen as different but just wanted to blend in, to be like other kids. He knew that, at heart, Barney wanted his kids to have everything he and Clint didn't have while growing up, so he fought his past and tried to give Laura and the kids a better life.
"And I'm being strong for you, doll," Bucky murmured. "You're going through a tough time, it's okay to lean on someone."
Before Clint could respond, someone knocked on the door. "Uncle Clint? Auntie Nat said it's time for you two to come down. Otherwise, she'll have to come up here and get you."
Clint cleared his throat. "Be right down, Lila." He turned toward Bucky. "Whatever Auntie Nat wants, Auntie Nat gets."
Bucky chuckled as he used his thumbs to gently wipe away a few stray tears from Clint's cheekbones. "That she does. She's always been stubborn as hell. That's something that I remember." He stood up and held out his hand. "Come on, doll. Let's get down there before Stevie eats all the food." Clint nodded, allowed Bucky to pull him up from the couch, took a deep breath, and the two went downstairs.
After dinner, Laura was chased out of the kitchen and ordered to stay away while Steve, Bucky, and Natasha cleaned up, leaving Clint and Laura in the living room, the kids having disappeared, (probably upstairs to do homework). He spent the time getting caught up on the kids' schooling. Cooper was doing well in math (Clint assuming that was Laura's influence; he knew math wasn't Barney's strong suit), Nate was going on about wanting to be a veterinarian (thanks, Lucky), and Lila had her first crush on a boy in her class (Clint would be sure to have Friday thoroughly check him out – only the best for his niece). "I'm glad you're here, Clint," Laura said after filling him in on the various details.
"Nowhere else I'd rather be."
"That's a lie and you know it, but I'll go along with it for now." She turned and looked toward the trio in the kitchen. "What's going on with Nat and Steve?"
Clint shook his head. "Unfortunately, nothing as far as I know. I keep threatening to lock the two of them in a room until they deal with the sexual tension. I think Steve's terrified of Nat, and Nat doesn't think she deserves someone like Steve."
Laura harrumphed. "She really does sound like your sister from another mister. That right there is a Barton trait. None of you think you're good enough for anything. I try to convince your brother of that every day."
"Join the crowd," Bucky said as he leaped over the back of the couch and plopped down next to Clint. I spend half my time convincing this one he deserves the best, and the other half saving his ass."
Clint elbowed Bucky in the ribs. "Can it, Bucko." He turned back to Laura. "How are you doing with everything?"
Laura fell back in the chair and sighed. As well as I can be, I guess. My mind flies all over the place, from thinking he's going to be okay and recover, to wondering how we'll make it without him." Clint nodded. He was going through a range of emotions but chose to deal with that he could focus on helping Laura and the kids.
As Bucky sat next to Clint, he ran his hand lightly up and down Clint's upper arm. He hoped Clint would do more to let him show his support, but he knew Clint had probably already put up his walls, so he reassured Clint he was there for him the best he knew how.
Steve and Natasha interrupted the trio. "Cleanup's taken care of," Steve announced as he sat down on the loveseat, leaving just enough room for Natasha to perch next to him. "Did anyone want any coffee? And, before you answer, Clint, I know you do. I think you mainline the stuff."
"No matter how much you try to convince me otherwise, Steve, coffee is good for you." Steve rolled his eyes. "Believe me, the world is a better place when I've had coffee."
Natasha softly sighed and rolled her eyes. "Trust me, Steve. Just get him his coffee, and we'll all be better for it."
"Don't argue, Stevie," Bucky added, "just get the man his coffee." Before Steve could stand, Laura's phone buzzed.
