Grumpy
Cuddy was in her office the following morning nursing a screaming hangover. What was originally meant to be a glass of wine and a friendly chat with Cameron had turned into many glasses of wine, two measures of whiskey, a shot of Sambuca and one more of tequila, followed by a large bag of fries picked up on the way home. Since she had left her car at the hospital overnight, it had been necessary to take a cab to work. This was what she got for trying to keep up with the younger woman. To make matters worse, it was a Tuesday, and it simply wasn't possible to cocoon herself away while the effects abated—there were meetings with their prospective sponsor scheduled, on top of the usual beginning-of-the-week administrative tasks that had spilt over from the previous day. She shuddered and took a swig of water, followed by a gulp of coffee.
Suddenly the door to her office swung open and Cuddy jumped in surprise.
"Good morning, Cuddles!", exclaimed House loudly, scanning the darkened room and raising an eyebrow in the direction of the woman flinching at the desk. "It looks like a mosh pit in here. I approve".
"What do you want, House? As you can see, I'm…very…busy". The words emerged at little over a whisper.
"Sorry?! I didn't catch that". House had moved to the desk and looked down at his boss with an amused air.
She gritted her teeth. "I said-".
"-relax, I know what you said". He sat on the corner before continuing. "I'm not going to lie; you look in pretty poor shape. Would you like me to get you some painkillers? If you ask nicely, I can source you the good stuff from my supplier".
"No, thank you, I'm already dosed up to the eyeballs as it is". Cuddy squinted up at the other who was doing nothing except gazing back at her with an idiotic grin on his face. "Are you…intentionally trying to make me punch you?", she muttered.
"What was your first clue?".
"Was there something you wanted? If not, you can leave". Cuddy took another sip of water as she glanced at her screen.
"Actually, there is something that I need your authorisation for. But after I saw Cameron this morning, I knew I had to come see you regardless".
Cuddy perked up a little. "Is she suffering, too?".
House stroked his chin thoughtfully. "She's looked better, no denying that. I knew something was up when she didn't react to Chase's hopeful flirtation before the differential. Normally she at least says something. But this morning? Barely a rise".
"Yeah, well, I'm not drinking on a Monday night ever again".
House recoiled as if stung by a bee. "Whoa, hey. Don't say things like that to me. Know your audience".
Cuddy exhaled softly. "What about you and Wilson last night? You look pretty chipper".
"It was a good bar session, true enough", House nodded sagely.
"So, I do actually have stuff to do—if you tell me what you need, we can move on with our lives as quickly as possible".
House got up from his seat on the desk corner. "My patient has either a heart or a lung problem-".
"-sarcoidosis?", Cuddy interrupted.
House looked at his boss pointedly before carrying on as if she hadn't spoken. "The problem is, I don't know which of those two organs sucks".
"Have you tried an EKG?".
"OK, I know you think you're a doctor, and I really do think it's precious, but let's just assume that you're not a doctor. Let's assume that you are an average hospital administrator almost passed child-bearing age, and I am an expert medical practitioner with years of experience".
Cuddy sighed but she felt too grim to argue. "What are you asking?".
"This woman can't breathe outside the hospital, but she can inside the hospital. This is because we're helping her, and our help is screwing with the test results. I'm suggesting we withdraw the help".
"So…?".
"So, I wanna put a little pressure on her, to see which organ throws in the towel first".
Cuddy folded her arms. "Let me get this straight. You want to give your patient a heart attack?".
"I know, right? If only we were in a hospital with the equipment and people to deal with such things…". He brought a finger to his lips, as if thinking deeply.
Again, Cuddy sighed. It was her job to curb House's wacky ideas, and this would ordinarily be one of them. But she had other things to worry about, and he was rarely wrong. "What are the chances your patient will keel over if I allow this?".
"Pretty small, I'd say".
"And it's diagnostically necessary?".
House gave her a hurt look. "I should think so. I'm not usually one for inducing catastrophic system failure simply for kicks. Although, now that you mention it-".
"-fine! But if that patient dies, you'll be dying as well. Now buzz off and close the door on the way out".
House threw a salute and moved to leave. "Thanks, Cuddles. You're the bestest boss ever. Would you like me to grab you a greasy egg and bacon sandwich from the cafeteria? Maybe with some extra mushrooms? They've got some real toadstools on offer today—you can practically see the slime".
But Cuddy had already leapt up from her seat and stampeded into her private bathroom.
House left the office to the sound of his superior's violent retching.
Cameron and Foreman were in the control room, observing through the glass as Chase affixed the nodes used to measure heart stress to the patient, a middle-aged woman originally from South Carolina but now in New Jersey, she had told them, to live closer to her son, who worked at Princeton University. Normally, the immunologist would have volunteered herself (or been volunteered by the others) to look after the patient—as House had once told her, she looked kinder than Foreman, and more professional than Chase; for that reason, she was often the public face of Diagnostics. In this situation, however, the darkened control room was a sanctuary, and she had no intention of subjecting herself to more bright lights or patient conversation than strictly necessary.
Both doctors watched on as Chase carefully attached each wire. "Come on, Chase. We haven't got all day", she snapped through the microphone.
Chase glared back but nevertheless sped up a little.
Foreman glanced sidelong at his colleague, who had been unusually quiet in the differential. "You, er, have a big night?", he asked, somewhat tentatively. He thought she looked very similar to the morning after getting high, when she had slept with Chase.
"What was your first clue?". Although she had no way of knowing it, this was an exact echo of House's words to Cuddy earlier in the day.
"Your moody silences, constant sighing, and general grumpiness".
"Wow, you're so observant. Have you considered being a detective, Sherlock?".
Foreman didn't reply for a moment or two. "Either you have a rocking hangover, or…", he paused, "…it's your time of the-".
"-if you finish that sentence, Foreman, I will end you". Cameron had turned her head to stare belligerently into his eyes. "I have brothers. I know exactly where to aim".
Foreman held his hands up, a smile dancing on his lips. "Alright. Where did you go, then?".
They were interrupted by Chase. "Can you double-check the readings on nodes A through C? They look a little off over here".
The neurologist pressed a few buttons, glanced at the bank of screens, and replied through the microphone. "They are. Try realigning them".
Chase rolled his eyes but nevertheless did as instructed.
"I had a few drinks with Cuddy". Cameron didn't particularly favour getting into a lengthy conversation, but the downside of the wonderfully cool and dark room was that it was a confined space, and there was nowhere to hide.
Foreman raised his eyebrows. "Huh. I didn't know you guys hung out".
"Well, I didn't have anyone to discuss nail varnish and tampons with, so I figured I'd try and make a new friend. It went pretty well, all things considered", she retorted, hoping that her tone would stave off further questions.
But Foreman was stubborn. "Y'know, I'm not gonna stop. In fact, your snappiness is pretty funny".
Cameron shook her head, though not without a little amusement. It was entirely to be expected that he would give her a hard time. When he had first learnt that she liked House, he had been sympathetic, understanding…and pretty annoying. She supposed that Foreman saw himself as the elder brother of the trio. This wasn't a problem for Cameron since she was used to men trying to get under her skin.
"Actually, Cuddy asked me yesterday, and I thought 'why not?'. It can get tiresome in here with all the testosterone hanging about. Looking good, Chase". She gave a thumbs up through the window, and he began helping the patient onto the treadmill.
"Fair enough. What's she like outside the hospital? She strikes me as the kind of person who hasn't got many friends". Foreman had half an eye on the data streams.
"Well, I haven't got many friends". Cameron felt oddly defensive on the other woman's behalf. She had come to appreciate Cuddy's strength in the face of an oppressively male-dominated environment. The Dean had mentioned last night that a full three-quarters of her doctors were men, and that rose to ninety percent when it came to heads of department. Attitudes were changing slowly, but even with a woman at the helm, PPTH lacked female staff in positions other than nursing and secretarial. Whatever could be said about Lisa Cuddy, she was driven, and that was something to admire because it was something Cameron admired in herself. Maybe this was why House liked them both.
Foreman shrugged, but his next words were disconcertingly accurate regarding her train of thought. "I'm just wondering what you spoke about is all. I can't imagine you have much in common except House".
"That's a pretty big topic of conversation right there".
"True". Foreman looked at his colleague carefully for a few moments.
"What are you looking at?".
"Nothing. Just as long as he makes you happy".
"Cuddy isn't a man, Eric".
"I wasn't talking about Cuddy. I was talking about House. As long as you're happy, then I really hope it works out".
Cameron sighed, suddenly tired of this back and forth. There was no point denying it anymore. "Well, I'm happy. It's still early days, and I'm just taking it one step at a time".
Foreman nodded and turned back to the monitors. "Good".
Cameron shot him a surprised glance. "Is that it? No interrogation?".
"I always knew you liked him; I just didn't think he liked you. But I guess my question has been answered. Just tell me one thing—when did it happen?". Foreman decided not to mention that House had asked about Cameron during their so-called 'assessment' a few weeks back. Since that day, he had known it to be a matter of time until they both got together.
The woman grinned, her hangover momentarily forgotten as a weight lifted off her shoulders. "Remember the Sjögren's syndrome patient a few weeks ago? We were in the locker room and you asked if I was OK, then you and Chase left for Turkish food? After that".
Foreman sat back. "No way. You did pretty well to keep it under wraps for that long. I mean, I obviously suspected for ages…".
"I thought you did, to be honest". The two lapsed into silence, keeping a close eye on the patient who was still undergoing the stress test with Chase watching from the side of the room. "And Chase?", she asked, fearing the answer.
The other exhaled, considering his response for a few seconds. "Chase suspected, like me. He also likes you, Cameron, and you should speak to him before any sort of grand reveal. I'm friends with both of you, though, and I'd really appreciate not being caught in the middle".
"Huh. I didn't know we were friends. See, I distinctly recall you saying that we were co-workers only". Cameron was referring to the time last year when Foreman had published the article she had intended to submit herself. When she had angrily confronted him, he had responded with the statement she had just referenced.
"That was before you saved my life. Thanks for that, pal". He extended his fist and she bumped it, willing to accept the olive branch he offered. The two sat in silence, observing through the window. "But you do need to tell Chase, and sooner rather than later", he added eventually.
Cameron sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I know I do. And I will. But not today".
Foreman inclined his head in acknowledgement and the pair fell silent once more, each lost in their own thoughts.
