Dropping the bomb

A.N. I ripped the medical terminology from an actual nephrology article (sad, I know). If by some miracle the authors read this then I apologise for my plagiarism. Cameron reveals a bit of jealousy and paranoia in the series after she marries Chase and reckons he's having an affair, and it's already popped up in this story with Cuddy. I'm reproducing a taster of that here. Just thinking of the Chase/Cameron relationship arc from seasons 4-6 makes me shudder.


The diagnosticians were stood around House's computer Friday morning examining the conference schedule, which he'd pulled up on the screen. "It looks like we're top billing for the Saturday. Dammit, just before the dinner, too. No way am I gonna sit through that fielding questions from morons".

"It's almost like the organisers have planned it so you can answer questions", muttered Foreman over his shoulder.

"Yeah, well", said House, "I'm not doing what the white man says. Reckon I'll take a leaf out of your book and fight the power. Are you with me, homie? As long as we stay united we can't be beaten".

"You can do what you like, but I plan on networking". Foreman took control of the mouse and scrolled through the contributors. "Look, there's a pretty good crowd in attendance: Weiss from Penn, Yuell from Jefferson…".

Chase glanced through the list. "Huh, your best buddy is going as well. What was his name again? The guy who popped up when we treated the jazz trumpeter a couple of years back".

The other threw his colleague an arch look. "You know his name, otherwise you wouldn't have recognised it".

"Marty Hamilton. Ugh, that guy was insufferable…kept calling me Greg". House's gaze swept over his fellows, who were all staring at him. "What?".

"You think he was insufferable? Interesting…", Cameron wondered out loud, tapping the envelope she'd been in the middle of opening to her lips.

House snorted. "Stick to the filing, sweetheart; let us men do the doctoring".

"It's a good thing we're together", she grinned, "else I could have you done for sexism. And then where would you be, eh? You old dinosaur".

"You can do me any time, doll", he retorted in his patented Alabama drawl, folding his arms and leaning so far back in the chair that her face was upside down as he met her twinkling eyes.

But before Cameron could reply, Foreman interjected: "what did I say about keeping it professional while Chase and I are around? We don't wanna hear that". The former's expression, which had been jovial at the mention of Marty Hamilton, suddenly darkened, though none of his colleagues were in a position to see it. It didn't feel good to be constantly reminded that the woman he desired was with another man. Not good at all.

"Fine. How are you getting on with your papers? Cameron's doing Sjögren's syndrome". House picked up the oversized tennis ball and started tossing it from hand to hand.

"We're collaborating. Porphyria", muttered Chase, still trying to restore his good mood.

"Sweet. Looks like it's gonna be guys vs. girl then. My money's on Cameron. She's had that paper up her sleeve for months".

"It'll be decent, don't worry. What're you presenting on?", asked Foreman.

The other two fellows looked down at their boss in the chair, curious for his answer. Diagnostics was necessarily collaborative so they rarely got the opportunity to witness House flying solo. Unencumbered by his staff, there was no telling what his genius intellect would spit out. Depending on how much effort he wanted to expend, his paper would fall somewhere between merely outstanding and ground-breaking. The man didn't do mediocre.

"Euthanasia".

"Can you give us a sneak peek?", asked Cameron, who had long intended to take a tour of House's place and examine his study and writing desk, to try and glean clues regarding the working of his mind. As she had already confessed to him, it was his brain that most turned her on. But, for better or for worse, the opportunity to scratch this itch hadn't yet arisen. She silently promised herself that, one of these days, she was not going to stampede straight to his bed but rather, if he was OK with it, take time to explore her partner's inner sanctum.

"I could. But I won't", smirked House, turning to face her properly now, repeating a phrase whose significance only Cameron knew. She smiled back, momentarily losing herself in his eyes. The day those blues stop enchanting me is the day I die. This thought came on suddenly, and she had to clear her throat, pretending to stifle a cough.

"Will we at least get to read it?", asked Chase, pleased to shift the conversation to work again.

"Hmm, maybe", mused House, spinning back to the screen. "Tell you what: if you people fulfil my clinic quota next week, I'll send you a section. Best I can do".

"Fine. But it can't be just the bibliography".

"Would I do that to you? Gregory House always fights fair. Well, nearly always". He clasped his hands behind his head.

The door to the office opened and Cuddy walked in, trailed by a tall, thin, middle-aged man in a suit and tie and prematurely grey hair, and a youngish woman, whose vivid red locks were at odds with the severe cut of her business suit. "And these", the administrator announced, gesturing towards the four doctors who were still gathered around the computer screen, "are our diagnosticians".

"Oh God", said House, jolting forwards and moving the mouse hurriedly. "I know this looks compromising, but it's not what you think. We were just watching porn-".

"-anyway", interjected the Dean quickly with a warning glare at her employee, "here we have Doctors Eric Foreman, Robert Chase and Allison Cameron, and the wit in the chair is Gregory House. He runs the department, somehow".

"The secret is to shred all the paperwork that comes your way and then sell it to wedding vendors as confetti-", began House, before once again being interrupted by his boss.

"-yes, so, everyone, this is Oscar Townsend and his assistant Fiona. Oscar's kindly agreed to partner the hospital for the next few months with a potential for further co-operation down the line if we think the relationship's working", finished Cuddy.

Townsend at once ambled forwards and shook the fellows' hands. When he reached House, he looked down and smiled, moving to do the same. "Ah, Dr. House. Absolute pleasure to meet you. I've heard your name around, that's for sure".

For a split second it seemed as if the Head of Diagnostics would leave the other hanging, but House caught sight of Cuddy's expression and decided to play along. The pair shook hands firmly. "Most people have", remarked the nephrologist, "it's also a noun".

The new sponsor guffawed so heartily it took everyone by surprise that this slight and distinguished-looking individual could possess such a booming laugh. "A sense of humour is precious; really helps defuse awkwardness, don't you think? It's one of the first things I look for in new colleagues".

"So you're Vogler 2.0", said House, finally getting up from the desk. "You're a lot thinner than he was".

"Yes. Heart scare a couple of years back-".

"-he lost fifty pounds!", exclaimed Fiona proudly, who had remained standing next to Cuddy.

Townsend looked a little sheepish. "Yep. It's all grilled food and standing desks now. Nightmare. Sorry, this is Fiona. As Dr. Cuddy mentioned, she's my assistant. And my daughter".

The red-haired woman stepped forward and finally shook hands. "Hi. Yep, thirty-five years old and still working for my father. It's not the best look, I know, but what can you do?". When she reached House, Fiona's clasp lingered slightly longer than necessary, and she flashed him a radiant smile. "We're big fans. I read your paper on diuretic resistance in cardio-nephrology and was completely blown away. How did you overcome the pathophysiological mechanisms of fluid and sodium retention?".

Cameron, who had been observing behind House's right shoulder, folded her arms tightly across her chest and tried not to glare at the other woman.

House tilted his head. "I kept a close eye on the sodium and chloride depletions in each subject and accounted for the bias".

"Fiona has an interest in medicine", explained Townsend with a wink. "But I managed to convince her that her future lay at the company. That took some work, let me tell you. Anyway, you're probably very busy, and we have a tour to finish. Where are we off to next?", he asked of Cuddy.

The Dean, who had been watching the exchange with a mixture of interest and apprehension, visibly relaxed. "Let's see…radiology, I think".

"Excellent. Thanks for your time, doctors. Lisa's already told me you do brilliant work, and it's good to put faces to names. You're unlikely to see much of me, though if our paths do cross, feel free to say hello. We're very friendly people, aren't we, Fi?".

"We sure are, especially to first rate professionals such as yourselves". Although she addressed the room, her gaze was fixed firmly on the department head. The trio moved to the door, but not before Fiona had turned back, flicking her hair airily: "Dr. House? If you're working on anything else at the moment, I'd love to hear about it sometime over coffee, or maybe read an advance copy ahead of publication. Just if you're able. Thanks!". With a final wave, the Townsends left the room, followed by a slightly nonplussed Dean, who gave an apologetic shrug as the door clanged shut.

No one said anything for a few moments, until Chase piped up: "they were…interesting. Not really what I was expecting after Vogler".

"Yeah. But there's something going on there—no way can you be that nice and that successful at business. What do you think, House?", asked Foreman.

"I think that they're bureaucrats. And bureaucrats are all the same. I also think you guys need to buzz off and let me watch Prescription Passion. Brock's about to find out that the twins aren't his. My bet's on Julio. I always knew Marie was a skank". When no one moved, he added: "go. Don't you guys have papers to write?".


House called 'come in' without looking away from the monitor. "I thought I told you that knocking wasn't required".

Cameron walked over to sit in the facing chair and she laced her hands together on the desk. "Forgive my error, Dr. House", she commented shortly.

He glanced in the woman's direction, noting the tone, before continuing his typing. "Rounds go OK?".

"Yes". Cameron looked into her lap then ran a hand through her hair, as if on the point of adding more, before deciding against it.

"You alright?".

"Yes", she repeated.

House finally finished his task and turned to face the other, giving her his full attention. "What's going on?", he asked.

"Well, Foreman and I got delayed helping Roberts out in paediatrics, so we didn't manage to complete all the clinic-".

"-not what I meant", he interrupted, the flicker of a smile on his lips.

Cameron's eyes darted to the side and then down to her hands which still rested on the glass. It was unlike her not to meet his gaze. Even before they got together, the one thing he could count on was that she would never look away. "Nothing's going on; I'm fine".

"You have many talents, Cameron, but lying isn't one of them. You came here for a reason. Don't make me regurgitate what you told me in this office just three nights ago regarding truth-telling. It goes both ways".

"It's…it's awkward for me to confess this to you".

House leant forwards in his chair, the movement almost forcing her to make eye contact. "There is no awkwardness. It's you and me; no one else is here. Now speak. Something's on your mind and I want to know what it is".

"That…that woman, Fiona, was flirting with you earlier…", she sighed, "…I didn't like it". The man let a breath out through his noise and when she glanced up she could see him smiling, which provoked a heated reaction: "this isn't funny, House. I'm not messing around".

House composed his features. "Maybe she was just interested in the medicine?".

"No, she was flirting with you, and I was right there".

"In fairness, there was no way she could know we were together. And let's face it, I'm a prime slab of rump steak".

His apparent levity caused Cameron's anger to rise, and she got to her feet suddenly. "Why are you defending her? And why are you making this is into a big joke?". House had convinced her to open up, but rather than take her concerns seriously, he was reducing them to comedy material.

"And why are you turning this into an issue when it's not?", he replied calmly.

"It is an issue to me, House", she retorted, his composure serving only to increase her agitation. Though they had joked about his attraction to other people, especially recent patients, it had always been tongue-in-cheek, and she'd not once felt uncomfortable or threatened. It had always been abstract. But now that somebody had actually broadcast their interest in him, it caused her insecurity to bubble up again.

"Why?".

"Are you being intentionally dense? Do I have to spell it out?".

"That would be helpful, yes". Still there was a trace of a smile as he sat back.

Cameron's voice was loud now. "Because she likes you, House. And I'm afraid that she'll…that she'll, I don't know, make a move or something. The way she just swans in here talking about nephrology hoping to sweep you off your feet, telling you what a big fan she is. Ugh. I don't like it!". Her hands were clenched into fists at her side and she could feel the heat in her cheeks. She hated that she felt jealous; she hated even more that House seemed not to understand. For just the second time since they had become an item she was genuinely angry with him.

House got up from his chair and ambled round to sit on the corner of the desk. "Well, you don't need to worry. Nothing's gonna happen". The grin which had been threatening for the last ten minutes finally materialised.

Cameron exploded. "Will you stop fucking smiling?! It's not funny, and I know how women think. She'll drop little hints, pop in for chats, and before you know it-".

"-nothing's going to happen, Cameron, because I'm in love with you", interjected House softly.