Carrot and stick
A.N. Thanks for the very kind words from recent (and regular) reviewers. I won't embarrass you by name, but they made me feel all warm and toasty. Looks like we're carrying on, then!
It was suggested that it may be an idea to initiate a sequel, but I think I'm just going to keep adding to this one for two reasons. The first reason is that it's simply more convenient for me (and you) to manage one entry. The second reason is that there's still a lot more I'd like to write under this title. Consequently, this story is going to get even longer and probably scare off a lot of readers. Sorry not sorry. Seriously though, I am extremely grateful to those who have popped in and/or invested in this fanfic. At last count we had over 30k views! Humbling.
Big picture, everything has been going swimmingly for House and Cameron. But I've spent more time than I'd care to admit on figuring out a slightly more fraught path to eventual happiness. I hope that when the time comes to mix things up you won't all run screaming to the hills.
Enough chat. On we go…
The following Monday House returned from lunch with Wilson to see Cuddy sitting in his chair playing with his balls. The Dean glanced up and smiled. "I never got why you keep these things here".
"Saves me carrying them around in a wheelbarrow. Move", said House. Cuddy only raised an eyebrow, so he added: "…boss?", which did finally cause her to switch to the chair facing the desk. The diagnostician sat down and spent some time carefully replacing the balls until they were exactly right. "What can I do for you, Lisa?", he asked cheerily, suitably satisfied with their position.
"Since when have you called me Lisa, Greg?".
"Since I met with Oscar on Friday. Guess we're all best buddies now, eh?". House took a sip of the coffee he had brought back from the cafeteria and levelled his gaze at the other. Foreman had expressed his distrust of the Townsends on Friday, and the man was right to be cautious. Millionaires were not nice guys. Especially those who acted like nice guys. This was a fact of life, like death and taxes. At least Vogler had the decency to wear his hostility on his sleeve.
Cuddy shrugged. "Just because you're completely oblivious to the workings of the hospital outside of these four walls, it doesn't mean that I have that luxury. And we've spent a lot of time looking into Townsend. Just give him a chance".
House sat still for a few moments while he considered this response. At length, he also shrugged. "Fine. I'll hold judgement. But I can already tell I won't like him. Or his daughter".
"Because they were nice to you?".
"Because they were nice to everyone. A friend to all is a friend to none".
"And who said that? Aristotle?", she snorted.
He had been slouching with a satisfied smugness, but upon her answer he couldn't stop himself sitting up suddenly in surprise.
Cuddy laughed. "It is Aristotle. Huh, what're the chances I'd get that right?".
"You want me to answer that…?", he mused.
"Look, I didn't come here to chew the fat-".
"-euphemism?".
The woman looked at him pointedly before carrying on as if he hadn't spoken. "We've got the flights and hotel rooms booked for your conference in a couple of weeks, so there's no backing out now. I want you and your team to present your papers, network, and spread the word for the good work we do here. Is that clear, House?".
"It's so sweet that you think I'm going to do any of that", he smiled back. The British Museum and Lord's cricket ground were not likely to see themselves.
"I figured you'd say that. Which is why I'm willing to offer you a two-week skip of clinic duty the moment you return…as long as you at least try and network. I think it's a fair deal".
"And if I refuse this deal? Horse's head in my bed?".
"Nothing like that. But you may find the hospital's cable subscription lapses inexplicably. Technology is a fickle thing, isn't it?".
The man's face went white momentarily, but he soon recovered. "Fine. I'll try. But I'm holding you to our bargain. Two weeks".
"I've enlisted Cameron to ensure you keep your word. Speaking of Cameron, to save money you guys are sharing a room. Please don't do anything stupid while you're in London. I'm absolutely fine you two being involved, but I do expect adult behaviour. So no spending the entire thing holed up having sex".
He folded his arms with a smirk. "Well, I wasn't gonna, but now that you've suggested it…".
"I mean it, House. This is a valuable opportunity for PPTH, and a great way to kickstart our new partnership with Townsend. Please don't screw it up for me". Cuddy had already revealed to both House and Wilson the effort she had expended trying to get the hospital back on track after the twin disaster of Vogler and the shooting, and she hoped that an appeal to his better nature would be more likely to secure his co-operation.
"Don't get your panties in a twist. I'll behave. But only because you need a boost now that I'm sexually unavailable to you".
"Whatever gets you on that plane, House", she replied, before rising to her feet and making a move for the door. "Also, I'm having a little gathering at my place the week you get back, just the department heads, so we can introduce ourselves to the Townsends informally once they've had a chance to look around between now and then. I'd like you to come".
"Well, that sounds spectacularly awful. I think you'll find I'm busy that day—colonoscopy".
"You're coming. Maybe you can bring Cameron as your date or something to take the edge off. That would probably make it clear to Fiona as well, actually".
"Yeah, she did seem pretty keen on me". House didn't reveal to Cuddy (just as he hadn't to Wilson at lunch), the development in he and Cameron's relationship. There would be time to share the news but both had decided to keep it under wraps for now.
Cuddy nodded, thinking back to Friday. "Mmm. Not sure why, to be honest. Most people avoid you as much as possible".
"I think it was my supernaturally special medical ability combined with my rapier-like wit".
"Perhaps. Anyway, I'm off. Aren't you due in the clinic now?", she asked, glancing at her wristwatch from the door.
"Nah. The ducklings are doing it for me this week. It's all above board, don't panic", he added, catching sight of her disapproving look. Nevertheless, she walked out without another word, leaving House alone.
For a few moments he considered returning to his conference presentation. Wilson and he had enjoyed a productive lunch actually discussing medicine, and the former had weighed in on the euthanasia topic. Surprisingly, there had been broad agreement between both doctors. House firmly believed that the right to die was exactly that—a right. Some Europeans were far ahead of America on this issue, which was chiefly why he had decided to broach the subject in London. Wilson, for his part, saw euthanasia as a viable last resort for those patients whose suffering was truly horrific and beyond the reach of modern medicine. Many things, some controversial, some common sense, remained to be said on the topic.
And yet, something Cuddy had mentioned stuck in his mind. House glanced at the clock, noting that there was still thirty minutes until Real Hospitals of Los Angeles. Time enough to check something.
House leant against the counter at the nurses' station observing the scene before him. He had always enjoyed watching the world, seeing how people behaved when they thought no one was looking. It helped that he already possessed a reputation for weirdness—fellow doctors, when they weren't too busy going about their business, didn't think twice that he was just standing there apparently doing nothing at all; and patients thought he was one of them. House's eyes tracked around until they alighted on Cameron, who was engaged in conversation with an elderly man and a young boy, presumably a grandson.
He had always loved the way she moved. Despite the unflattering doctor's coat, flats, and tied back hair, Cameron managed to retain hints of femininity, whether in the delicate scent she wore or in the subtle sway of her hips. House watched as she finished her conversation and moved to talk to a nurse, just across from him. Only when she had issued instructions and the nurse had departed did she turn back to the paper on the counter, smiling a little to herself. Having made a quick note, she selected another file from the stack, glancing over by chance. As soon as she saw her boyfriend, her face lit up and she beamed. "Hey! I was just thinking about you".
"A likely story. I needed a break from writing my paper. How's it going down here?".
Cameron walked around the counter to stand before him, still with the blue folder in hand. "It's fine. We've made a serious dent in your weekly clinic allocation. I think Foreman and Chase are here somewhere, if you wanted a team meeting…?", she said, trailing off as she looked around.
"Nope. I just came to see, and run something by, you".
"Of course, but I've got a patient waiting in exam room three. Can it wait?".
"No, it's really important. Let's head over there. Come". House led the way, not caring that they must have presented a strange sight: white-coated young doctor holding hands with a scruffy looking man in jeans and sneakers. He opened the door to see a college-age guy sitting on the bed. "Hey, dude. I'm Dr. House and this is Dr. Cameron. What's the problem?".
"I think someone at school has hexed me with black magic and I'd like a scan to ensure my heart's still beating the way it should", replied the guy, scratching a bird tattoo on his arm absentmindedly, as if what he'd just said was the most normal thing in the world.
Both diagnosticians stared at him. House recovered first. "Ah, yes. You need to see Dr. Chase, our voodoo specialist, in exam room four. It's just", he pointed through the window to the other side of the clinic, "through there. He'll have you exorcised in no time".
"OK, great. Thanks. I was afraid people wouldn't take my condition seriously, but if you've already got an expert in place…that's very reassuring. Is this Dr. Chase a true shaman, then?".
"Oh yes", said House breezily. "Chase is a real master of his craft, initiated by tribal elders in the Australian outback".
The man gave a solemn nod of thanks and left the room.
"So, what's up?", asked Cameron, not even bothering to discuss what they had just witnessed.
"First things first…". House closed the blinds, locked the door, and pulled her into a kiss, stroking a cheek with his thumb. "Hi", he murmured.
"Hi back", Cameron whispered into his mouth, tossing the medical file onto the cabinet before forcing him to backpedal until he was sitting on the examination bed, with her standing between his legs. "That little stunt you pulled has bought us a few minutes before I need to return. Now, what can we do in that time, hmm?".
House's hand found its way inside her lab coat and he replied between kisses. "You wanna talk about Star Wars?".
"Absolutely not", came the instant response. The nephrologist was a tall man by any measure, but his position on the bed meant that for once Cameron had the height advantage and she used it to pull his lips away for a moment. "This is a Star Wars free zone, I'm afraid".
"Fine", House grinned. With a final peck on the mouth, he carried on: "couple of things: firstly, I saw Cuddy just now and the conference and flights are all booked".
"Great!", she exclaimed, and the look of pure excitement on her face softened his heart. "But you didn't have to come all the way down here to tell me".
"Well, quite. Cuddy mentioned she's enlisted you to ensure that I do my doctorly duty and actually talk to those clowns over there".
"That's right", she smiled. "We had a talk about it just before she came up to Diagnostics. This event is a big deal for her and she asked for my help keeping you in line. Whether you like it or not, you are the best diagnostician in America and a big draw for people".
"Uhuh. Blowing smoke up my ass, while fantastic, won't cut the mustard. How do you envisage carrying out your plan? I've already said that I have things to do once we arrive, and whether you like it or not, I'll be doing them, irrespective of Cuddy's threats".
She tilted his chin up. "I've looked at the schedule and we'll have plenty of spare time, House. The last thing I want to do is stifle you. I've said this before, but you're your own man and it's one of the things that most attracts me. But I promised Cuddy and I'm a woman of my word".
"My question remains how you plan on enforcing your will". House folded his arms with a belligerence that wasn't entirely feigned. He had always responded poorly to figures of authority telling him what to do, even if he stood to gain time off from clinic duty. If he were one for self-analysis, he would cite daddy issues. If.
"Easy", she replied softly. "I'm thinking carrot…", Cameron pulled him into a breathless kiss, both hands on his face, letting his tongue enter her mouth and his hands dive under her blouse, before breaking contact suddenly, "…and stick", she finished, taking an extra step backwards for good measure while flashing him a wicked grin.
"That…could work", he admitted. "But the carrot element would have to really blow my mind for you to have any chance of success".
The other nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks for the suggestion. I'll take it under advisement. What was the second thing you wanted to discuss?".
"Accommodation. The hospital has stuck us in a shared room, which means that we'll be, ah, living together for a few days. How'd you feel about that?".
Cameron's green eyes saw through his dissimulation. "It sounds like I should be asking you that question".
"Thing is, though, I asked you first. And you know I hate it when people answer a question with the same".
The immunologist sat down on the bed next to her boss and placed a hand on his knee. "House, I've been clear from the start that I'm comfortable with whatever makes you comfortable. If you say to me that you don't want to share a room, that you need your space, then it's absolutely fine; if you say that you don't want me to accompany you to the London sights, it's absolutely fine; if you say that you do or don't want to spend every waking moment in my company then, again, it's absolutely fine".
"Really?".
"Really", she affirmed, taking his hand and kissing it gently, before adding in a deliberately casual tone: "the fact is, and we're talking between doctors now, you're completely screwed anyway, since you've already admitted you love me".
"May have been an oversight on my part, alas. OK, what if I said that I was comfortable with threesomes…?".
The question trailed off more in hope than expectation, and Cameron's impassive expression was not encouraging.
"Did I say threesomes? I meant I was comfortable with a backdoor bonanza. Isn't that what the kids call it nowadays?".
Again, nothing.
"Jokes. I actually meant only 'sex on the hotel balcony'. Yes, that's it", he added, observing her expression softening a touch at the final suggestion.
"I don't think our hotel has balconies", she answered, though not without amusement at his antics.
"But if it did?", House asked hopefully.
Cameron sighed exaggeratedly. "I could be persuaded. But you'd need to do something for me, and it isn't sexual".
"Name it".
"I want to read the full draft of your conference paper. And I also want to look around your apartment at my own pace, with no room off-limits".
He rolled his eyes but nevertheless inclined his head in assent. "Fine. I can manage that as long as you don't tamper with my porn collection and as long as we're at least entertaining the possibility of sex on the balcony".
"Deal". Cameron hopped down from the bed and stifled a smile. House had seemingly forgotten something during the course of his giddy bargaining: London November nights were generally pretty chilly. If he wanted to venture outside in nothing but his birthday suit, he was more than welcome to do so.
