Chapter 4
Answers
Finding a new psychiatrist wasn't actually that difficult. There was an office just under an hour away, and even at a familiar town headed out towards Bright Harbor. Clark's Hill, the same college town Bea had taken her to for that party Jackie was hosting. Her memories there aren't the best, but the end of that night was something Mae won't ever forget. Now, she's riding shotgun with the Red Winder out her window, recalling the night by this river as she approaches her first appointment. Scheduling it was quick and easy, surprisingly. This practice had just expanded and taken on a few new psychologists fresh out of school. They had plenty of slots to fill and were eager to take her to fill one.
The office isn't too far from the river or the party venue, actually. It's up three flights of stairs, but once in there it's comfortable. Soft warm colors, plush couches and chairs to wait on, plenty to read. Mae forgot how much she missed reading recreationally. She loves all of her granddad's old horror stories, and then college almost ruined reading for her. She almost loses herself in a familiar novel before she's called back for her appointment.
Mae steps into the hall to meet a young mouse woman in a green sweater. Her fur is dyed blonde atop her head and she's twirling a pen in one hand. "Wonderful to see you here, Mae. I hope you aren't too nervous about this, certainly no need to be."
"O-Oh, um… actually, Miss Carver, I've kinda been through so many things that're so much worse that this just feels kinda 'meh'. Especially since you're apparently good at this and my last psychologist was a bullshit-peddling cult member."
Miss Carver stops twirling her pen and almost freezes for a moment. "… Ok, I'm going to have to ask for details on that one later."
Mae chuckles and grins. "One hell of a story. And if you need proof, I can pull up the public police report on my phone for ya."
"I'll gladly check that out." She opens the door to her office halfway down the hall and ushers Mae in. Mae settles herself into the couch and sinks pretty deep into it. She snuggles in and sighs in relief as Miss Carver takes her seat and clicks her pen. "So, what specifically brought you here, Mae? Your entry paperwork says you're looking to confirm a diagnosis."
Mae sighs and nods as she tilts her head back and stares at the ceiling. "Yeah, that's part one. I uh… I basically spent several years having no clue what's wrong with me because of the hack I just mentioned. Then… then the whole cult mess back home in Possum Springs happened and it kinda drew me and my few friends closer together, and Bae helped me look into things and find some answers."
"Hmm…" She taps her pen on her notepad. "Possum Springs… actually, I thought I heard something about cult activity uncovered there on the news."
"Yeah, that did just go public this morning." Mae huffs. "Dr. Hank was one of their top members. So was the mayor. And the surviving head of the Applebaum family that owned the mines. Hell… my friend Bea's dad was one of them. Now she owns his shop and I work for her. We… kinda both agree it's an improvement, since her creepiest employee was one of them too. Now they're all dead in that mineshaft that collapsed."
She sets her pen down. "You speak as if you knew of this long before news came out about it."
Mae flinches. "Y-yeah, um… long story. I kinda saw them take someone at Harfest. My life was falling apart, so… I just ran straight down that rabbit hole and lost myself in the mystery. Me and my three best friends were all down there that night, trying to get answers, and…" She bites her lip. ".. It's already in the police reports, but they're keeping our involvement quiet. The cave-in was an accident. Self-defense, when one of them decided they didn't want to let us go, despite Applebaum saying to do so. Not like anyone would believe us. Not before they all went missing and the FBI got involved. So we fought him off, but, the struggle caused the elevator to collapse."
Miss Carver stares in shock, but slowly sets the notepad aside. "That… sounds like quite the ordeal. I'm surprised you're not here to discuss the trauma of it all."
"Oh, that's definitely something we'll be doing later, but surprisingly, I felt better afterwards." Mae chuckles halfheartedly. "I'd been really struggling with my life at the time, partly because of this disorder I'm here to look into. On the way out of those tunnels, I realized something really important, and it kinda changed everything for me."
Miss Carver smiles softly. "And what was that epiphany, then?"
"Epiphany!" Mae snaps her fingers. "Thank you, I always forget that word. Anyway, yeah, I kinda realized… Life just hurts. But that's not exactly a bad thing. Living hurts because you lose, but… If it hurts to lose something, it means whatever it was that you lost really meant something. You had something worthwhile to begin with. As long you can always find more that'll mean something to lose, then your life still means something."
"That's…" She pauses. "… A very roundabout way to turn pessimism into optimism. Intriguing."
"Yeah, my brain is weird. And speaking of weird, this... disorder I've got. I know I have it, I've had… episodes. I just need to be sure I'm right and get something done about it."
"Of course." She sits back and picks her notepad back up. "Well, what do these episodes entail?"
"So…" Mae hunches over. "It started six years ago. I had been playing this dating sim game, I'd gotten really into it, and all of the sudden something… sorta snapped in me. All the characters were just… pixels. They didn't mean anything anymore. I look up, and my own room doesn't make any sense. Even the tree outside my window, something I grew up with, was just shapes." She huffs. "It didn't happen for long that time. It was longer the next day. I had a big softball game, and I was up to bat. All of the sudden, everything broke into shapes again. I was… terrified. Looking back, I think what set me off was this circle getting a lot bigger really quickly. I know now that was the ball, but at the time, it was just a sudden change. Shapes that made no sense suddenly making less sense. It set me off, and I kinda went feral. When I started making sense of things again, everyone was pulling me off of the pitcher, Andy Cullen, and… there was blood all over the bat. And his face." She shudders. "He needed a lot of surgery after that. I haven't seen or spoken to him or his family since. Restraining order. My parents paid a lot to cover it up. Was supposed to be my college fund. Then they took out loans to send me to college anyway, and… I had more episodes there. A lot of them." She sighs deeply. "Shut myself into my dorm room and guzzled cough syrup to knock myself out because I was terrified I'd hurt somebody else." By the time she's done, she's hunched over with her ears down and arms around herself. "… I dropped out and came home. Wasted all that money my parents took loans out for. Not actually addressing this problem wasted six potential years of progress and almost ruined my life. All that fucking quack told me was I had anger issues to repress and handed me a journal." She snorts. "It took an incident with a cult and my best friend Bea helping me look into it to find I actually had derealization disorder."
Miss Carver nods and finishes writing something. "Well… after your symptom descriptions and mentioning the cough syrup and multiple episodes, I think your self-diagnosis is quite accurate. Derealization is a rather rare condition with specific symptoms, and only a few treatment options. Thankfully, it's quite easy to treat as well. I can prescribe you some antipsychotics, but we'll need to be careful, as some prescriptions can actually induce episodes instead of preventing them. If that happens, then you'll need to report it to me immediately so we can change prescriptions." She quickly writes down a prescription and hands it over. "Make sure anyone you're frequently in contact with knows this might be an issue so they can help you to counteract any potential episodes. Medicating a disorder of this type can be very trial-and-error and take weeks or even months to narrow down an effective treatment."
Mae sighs and shakes it off. "Well, it's something. Thanks, doc."
"Oh, no need to call me that. Too formal. Now, you said we'd cover the cult mess later, but I don't think we have enough time to go over that yet. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?"
Mae bites her lip and slowly crosses her arms. "… Do you… know if there's any way to figure out if a friend has… any interest in girls without asking them and being obvious?"
Miss Carver smirks and sets her pen down. "I'm guessing she's not the type that's open enough to gauge interest by presenting pictures of other girls and getting her opinion."
"She's the most sarcastic and deadpan person I know, but… she's passionate." Mae slowly smiles. "She's determined, her kindness shines through in the strangest actions, always hiding how much she really cares until the most critical moments, and… she's beautiful in so many weird ways."
Miss Carver chuckles. "So you fell for a very close friend who's very difficult to read, and although that's part of why you love her, that's also why it's so terrifying to approach the matter."
"Y-Yeah, basically."
"Well, that is a conundrum, and sadly, not one with a simple answer. As a psychologist, I've been trained in various methods of manipulation to get someone onto specific topics and lines of thought, but it's not exactly something I think you can pull off without getting caught, nor is it exactly ethical when it's not your job. I'd say your best route is just heartfelt honesty. It seems to be much more your style. You're a very frank and direct person, and if she's really your best friend, and especially if she has the potential to love you, she'll appreciate that. Do it your own way, and that will have the most impact."
Mae sighs shakily and nods. "Ok, going with the song I wrote, then."
"A song?" She raises an eyebrow and leans in. "Ok, this I have to hear about. You have much of a musical history?"
"Oh, yeah. Before I left for college, the band was me, Angus, Gregg, and…" She pauses. "… Casey." She sighs. "He… was one of the cult's victims. Got that right from their mouths that night. Gregg almost shot them with his crossbow." She shakes it off. "N-Now, we have Bea on keyboard and Selmers on drums. I play bass, but I do some pretty good backup vocals, and I'm getting better. I wrote a couple songs for the band already, but we kinda all pitch in. Now we're trying to make a career of it and get a gig just down the road from here."
"In the empty subway station? Hmm." She sits back. "Good venue, been to a few parties there."
"You already know Jackie, don't you?"
"Oooh yes." She huffs. "Very familiar with Jackie. By your tone, I'm guessing you've had a run-in with her more judgemental side."
"Ugh, you're damn right about that. And now Bea's working on making her our manager, so I've really gotta change her mind."
"Mae…" Miss Carver leans forward. "You're here. You're working to improve yourself and the quality of your life. Anyone who doesn't see that is blind and certainly not worth your time."
.
.
Mae sits in the passenger's seat one the way back into Possum Springs, fidgeting and typing away on her phone, letting Bea know how well the appointment went. But, she also sent another few texts before this, directed at Gregg. It was time to finally do something they should have a while ago.
"Kitten… are you sure you wanna do this tonight?" Stan peeks over to her for just a moment, just as Mae finishes typing.
"Yeah, dad. I need to see them. They… need to know what we found out. I know Aunt Molly didn't. She left it to us, and I don't wanna keep them in the dark any longer." Mae peeks out the window as a familiar home far in the back of Possum Springs comes into view, bordering the woods. "This has to happen, dad."
After a few moments, he nods and slows to a stop, right beside Gregg on his bike. He pulls his helmet off and sets it down, nodding for Mae to follow. "You sure you're ready for this, Mae?"
She nods as she hops out of the car. "Yeah. As ready as I can be…" She peeks back. "Thanks, dad. I'll see you back home for dinner, ok?"
"Of course, kitten." Stan smiles softly. "I'm proud of you, ya know. More so now than ever. Doing everything you've done lately takes a lot of strength."
Mae chuckles and kicks at the snow bordering the path to the tattered home, paint chipping and peeling off the walls. "Yeah… and there's more to come soon, I'm sure. Get going, dad. I'll see you back at home soon." Stan nods and rolls his window up, making a U-turn and heading home. Mae's left beside Gregg, staring down the path to that old and battered door. "Well… let's do this."
Gregg nods and follows her to the door, leaving his bike chained to the mailbox. "So did your first psyche visit go well? They declare ya crazy, or what?"
Mae rolls her eyes. "Well, I'm getting antipsychotics, so kinda. She's pretty nice, though."
"Well, that's somethin. Hope it makes a big difference for ya."
"Eeeh just a quick warning, the meds might make it worse at first. Never know how I'll react 'til I take em for a bit."
"Well that fuckin sucks." They finally reach the door and knock, Gregg shoving his hands deep into his hoodie pockets and Mae just getting a bit stiff over how tense this is going to be.
What feels like an eternity of silence passes before the door is opened by a slouched, somber orange tabby woman who forces on a gentle smile at the sight of such familiar young faces. Her eyes are red and tired, but the welcoming aura about her melts the tension between the instantly. "Mae, Gregg… it's been far too long."
"H-Hey, aunt Debbie." Mae smiles softly. "M-Mind if we come in for a bit? We uh… wanted to talk about Casey, actually… we have a few things we should tell you, and questions for a pretty big plan we've got."
.
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A.N.: Ah, ya feel that? Pure catharsis. Mae's making a lot of progress here, and things are ramping up pretty quickly to you guys seeing that song. Next update, actually! I've written a couple others for this two, and have concepts for two others. Come from a musically-inclined family, so I guess that combined with my writing talents makes me pretty good with lyrics.
Anyway, fav, review, subscribe, pass this around, check out my other two fics, and my youtube channel if ya can! Starting Metroid Dread on there this Friday!
