A/N: Hi! Another chapter! Hope you-a enjoy-a (u_o)
Chapter 79: A New Roster
During the past five days, the Smashers were getting used to their brand new home. Most of the Smashers weren't allowed to choose roommates because the place was so big, more new Smashers had to be recruited. Master Hand and Crazy Hand came up with an idea of hosting auditions to become a Smasher in the new Smash Mansion. Many people from Smashville got the news early, assuming they always looked at the Smash News Board.
June 12th
9:20 A.M.
Smashville
In the early morning of Smashville, many Smashvillers were gathering around one pole that showed a large red paper with the word "SMASH" bolded in yellow with the following information on the bottom. From the looks of it, everyone knew it came from the Smash Mansion. Rumors began to spread around about the Smash Mansion being built in an entirely new way. Robin happened to passed by the sign with his hands full of groceries, yet he went back to see it again.
"Do my eyes deceive me? There's going to be a Smash Tournament for new Smashers at the coliseum? Over 20+ open spaces?! Great news! I must tell Chrom and Lucina!"
The news spread like a wildfire in Smashville. Within ten minutes, everybody in town got the news.
"This is great news, right Rosalina?" Daisy walked beside one of her female friends.
Rosalina nodded with a grin. "Of course. I think it'll be fun."
"Ooh! I can't wait!"
"Can I come-?"
"Shut up, Waluigi! You're not invited!" Daisy shouted to the tall, purple, lengthy man.
"Waaa?!"
Sonic showed the flier to his good friend, Cloud, who was busy waiting for breakfast from his childhood friend, Tifa, was preparing."Why work part time at McDonalds when you can work full time just by fighting?"
Cloud was handed the flier from the hedgehog as he took a deep, long look at the information on the bottom. He thought what Sonic said and he thought about his troublesome times at McDonalds.
'Why do I have a bad feeling about this?'
(oOoOoOo)
Coliseum
All of the Smashers were at the coliseum, preparing for this special tournament that may changed their lives, forever. Master Hand and Crazy Hand would be hosting the special event as long as they had a giant rectangular table in front of them with a glass bottle of Coke and a bowl of Cheetos.
Some Smashers decided it would be best to get themselves some food near the entrance of the coliseum before the show started.
"I heard it's first come first serve! And I also heard that any challengers would have to fight us in order to join the roster!" Roy said, holding a large tub of popcorn and a ten liter soda. Since the revival of the Smash Mansion, Roy figured out his pet cat, Whiskers De Pablo, was still alive in the unbreakable pet house with the dog and duck.
"I can't wait, I hope that little boy, Corrin will be there." Marth combed his hair with the help of his royal hand mirror. After setting his comb back into his shirt, he pulled out a small bottle that had the same shade as his skin tone.
Ike watched the prince applying the liquid substances of his cheeks. "What the hell is that?"
Marth stopped the process with his miniature brush in his hand and looked at the mercenary as if he was a crazy person. "Um, Foundation? Haven't you heard of it?"
Ike scoffed at him, regretting to even ask, "Oh, I totally forgot you were a part of the LGBT community."
Marth glared at him. "Do you want me to shove this down your ass?"
"Isn't that was you people do?"
"YOU FUCKING-"
"Wow! You use foundation?!" A peachy voice springed from the three teen's ears. When they turned to the voice, it was Peach with Zelda and Link.
"I see some people coming. It's going to be pretty busy, huh?" Marth said.
"I hope we get more females." Peach said.
"I hope we get less Mario characters." Link rolled his eyes from the thought of it.
"I hope she comes. . ." Ike sighed from the bad memories, but he couldn't remembered himself being in a coma.
"Haha! It's your fault!" Roy laughed, tossing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
"Maybe she will watch this event, but I doubt she'll ever come back to you." Marth commented.
"I hope Cloud comes!" Peach chirped.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA-!" Roy, Link, and Ike couldn't help but burst in laughter.
"I hope we get more witch hunters. . ." Pit sobbed, as Bayonetta gripped tightly onto his wings so he wouldn't fly away.
"Hey, Bayonetta?" Zelda called out to the Umbra Witch.
"What is it?" The tall woman turned to Zelda with an arched eyebrow.
"Aren't you participating in the tournament?" She asked. Marth and Ike shriveled up like a dried raisin.
"That witch as a Smasher?" Ike coughed out.
"Well. . . I never thought about it. . ." Bayonetta grinned. "But, who will be willing to fight me?"
No one commented on her question. The thought of fighting her was pretty much a trip to the underworld.
"Welcome, NEW SMASHER!" Everyone surrounded Bayonetta with warm hugs and handshakes. She was indeed the first new Smasher. Bayonetta eyed each and every one of them with a smirk.
"That was easy."
(oOoOoOo)
The who coliseum was filled up with many Smashvillers, visitors, reporters, etc. It was now to start the Smash Tournament.
A long line of wannabe Smashers were in the middle of the coliseum, standing on the far walls with their swords, guns, fist, magic, whatever. All of them were hoping, praying to be a new Smasher in those 20+ spots. After the welcome speech from Master Hand and Crazy Hand, along with the SSBB anthem, they immediately began the Smash Tournament.
With a little boy.
Holding an axe.
Red triangle nose that made people think he was part of the Illuminati.
And for some strange reason, the little boy in the number 1 shirt kept looking to his left. Everyone in the crowd were confused. The way he held his axe and the way he kept smiling wasn't good news.
"Great, we're gonna have weirdos and retards in this mansion. . ." Kirby shook his head.
"PLEASE STATE YOUR NAME AND OCCUPATION." Master Hand said.
The boy stood silent.
"Why isn't he talking?" Luigi said.
"This is getting awkward. . ." Miru said.
Master Hand and Crazy Hand glanced at each other before continuing.
"UM. . . ANYWAYS! YOU'LL BE GIVEN A RANDOM OPPONENT FROM THE RANDOMNATOR." Master Hand said. Everyone in the coliseum looked up at the transparent screen, floating in the middle with the Super Smash Bros Brawl roster. A red glowing box outlined the chosen player as it went all over the place. The red glowing box finally landed on Ness.
"AND YOUR OPPONENT IS NESS!" Crazy Hand said.
"Ness you better win or I'll rip your head off!" Kirby yelled across the coliseum to where he was sitting. Surprisingly, Ness heard what he said and sweat dropped.
"Ahkay." Ness jumped from his seat and floated gently in the middle where the boy with the axe was standing.
"READY? FIGHT!" Master Hand ringed the bell, and the crowd roared for Ness to win.
Ness formed a fireball with his hands, inspired from Dragon Ball Z.
"PK FI-"
"WINNER!" Master Hand ranged the bell once more. Nobody in the crowd knew what happened, for it was too fast. The next thing everybody knew Ness was knocked out with cuts all over his body. The paramedics hurried over to Ness and grabbed the boy's body.
"He's running a high fever! Hurry!" They shouted.
"Ness!" Lucas cried out.
"What the heck just happened?" Marth sipped on his soda.
"Well this better be the first and last child coming in Smash. . ." Ike murmured.
(oOoOoOo)
"STATE YOUR NAME, OCCUPATION. . ."
"Lady Palutena, Goddess of Light!" The tall, goddess flipped her long, green hair while holding a large staff in the other hand. Her other arm had a large blue shield, and many of the guys in the crowd were caught stuck in her beauty.
"Go Lady Palutena! You can do it!" Pit cheered.
Palutena did her research well on the Smashers before coming here and she knew the perfect opponent to pick on. Before Master Hand could turn on the Randomnator, the goddess requested to pick her opponent. The audience were quite taken back from her request; it was interesting for someone to do such a thing. Everyone in the coliseum settled themselves down to hear her voice of the chosen Smasher.
Ike slowly began to raise his hand, but Marth and Roy tugged his arm down.
"We need more women like her!" Marth whispered angrily to her.
"But I'm giving her a head start." Ike said.
"A head start in the afterlife!" Roy said.
"Pick me Lady Palutena! I'll forfeit the match!" Pit screamed, flapping his angelic wings aggressively.
"No need for that, little Pit." Palutena raised her hand and pointed her finger to the Smasher next to Pit. "I want to fight Link."
"Link?!" Pit turned his head to the elf, who was eating a Fiber One bar.
"Finally, a match." Link grinned.
"Good luck!" Toon Link said.
Pit didn't want Link to murder Palutena."Nooooo! He's merciless! All he ever does is aggressive yelling!" Pit cried. "Please forfeit the match, Link!"
"Hell no! I won't go easy on anyone!" Link pulled out his sword and shield and jumped to the middle of the battle coliseum. The crowd roared with excitement, for it was a opposite gender battle.
"READY? FIGHT!" Master Hand rang the bell.
"LADY PALUTENA! DON'T DIEEEeEEeEEeEEeEEEeeeeEeEE!" Pit cried.
The goddess grinned wider when Link started dashing toward her with his sword sharp and shield ready in his hand. "I think you're underestimating me, Pit. Watch this!" Palutena hovered her body above the ground and vanished into thin air. Link went into a complete stop, not knowing where she was.
"She disappeared." Link murmured, searching the empty battlefield. He looked left, right, but he never looked up at the sky.
"Oh God. . ." Marth looked up at the sky that grew darker and darker and darker by the minute. Everyone had their eyes glued to the sky, for a giant deadly substance grew bigger and bigger below the little elf.
"What the-" Link was cut off when he whole body drew in quickly to the black hole.
"Is this even fair. . .?" Pit's left eye twitched in fear.
"Whoa! I didn't know we were watching Black Panther!" Kirby slurped his soda, feeling extremely happy.
"How does that-" Ike exclaimed, pointing up to the black hole, "-had to to with Black Panther?!"
"Because it's black!"
"You little racis-!" Before Ike could bitch at him again, a beaming pink laser shot from the black hole and struck Link directly in the stomach, giving him fatal damages to the adonamen and possibly everywhere.
"WINNER!"
"Yaay! Lady Palutena is in!" Pit wrapped his arms around the nearest person sitting beside him.
"Let go." Dark Pit growled.
(oOoOoOo)
Many more battles came slowly, but most were unsuccessful to receive a spot in the Smash roster. The next contestants involved three people which sparked an interest for Marth.
"Oh. . . it's them. . ." Marth grabbed a handful of popcorn from Roy's bucket and picked one buttery piece at a time. Ike glanced at over at Marth's popcorn in the palm of his hands and checked over to Roy's popcorn bucket.
"Gimme some." Ike reached across Marth and then yanked Roy's popcorn bowl right from his small hands in which Roy reacted quickly.
"Hey! That's mine!" Roy tried to reach for his popcorn back, but it only made things worse for Roy when Ike shoved his face back to his seat.
"Buy your own." Ike wrapped one tight arm to his popcorn bucket and fed off from it.
"You stole my shit!" Roy snapped.
"It's not stealing, it's called borrowing."
"No, it's not!"
"Hey," Marth instantly silence their bickering with a finger to Ike and Roy's neck. "Shut up? Robin, Lucina, and Chrom are in, I want to watch."
"They are?" They both said, relaxing themselves to their seats.
Marth leaned out from his chair and squinted his eyes to see Lucina with a odd looking sword. "Lucina told me that Robin can get a bit. . . tense. . . when he's serious."
"STATE YOUR NAME, OCCUPATION." Master Hand repeated.
"Lucina! Girl from the future!" Lucina raised her hand.
"People call me all sorts of names, but I prefer to be called P.I.M.P Master 101- -I mean Robin." The chess player roughly cleared his throat. "I'm a tactician. . . . much rather not state my other job. . ."
"My name is Chrom, and I'm a shepherd that keeps watch over sheep." Chrom raised a familiar blade that looked like Lucina's.
"WILL YOU ALL LIKE TO DO 3 VS 3? OR 3 VS 1?" Master Hand gave the choice to them to decide.
Lucina and Chrom turned their heads to Robin in which he responded quickly. "We'll take 3 vs 1."
"Aren't they being over the bit cocky?" Ike crossed his arms, feeling a tiny bit of anticipation.
"Like Lucina said," Marth ate another piece of buttery popcorn. "Robin gets serious when it comes to fighting."
"AND YOUR OPPONENT WILL BE CAPTAIN FALCON!" Master Hand announced.
A rumble of cheers and woos came crashing, as the speedy, race car driver jumped into the middle of the coliseum. Robin gave a quick observation at his built in figure before creating a small, circular huddle.
"Ok, here's the plan: Captain Falcon is quicker than diaherra, so we must be cautious at all times when fighting such a fast character."
"Right!" Lucina and Chrom said.
Robin pulled out a large white sheet of paper with three icons that resembled, Chrom, Lucina, and himself. He then pulled out a pencil and laid it flat on the sandy ground.
"So in the first turn, Chrom will move one space, and Lucina will stay directly behind Chrom. I myself, won't move on that turn, that way we can lure Captain Falcon with a 2 vs 1 battle. Then on the second turn Lucina will buff Chrom with Rally Attack-"
"Robin," Lucina interrupted the tactiton. "It's not turned based. This is real life."
Robin let out a confident chuckle, as he crumbled the large sheet of paper into a tiny ball. "Woman, do you want me to go all Grima on you?!" Robin snapped immediately, jabbing the pencil on Lucina's chest.
". . ."
"I think the fuck not!" Robin got up and shoved his pencil back into his sleeve and let out a harsh breath. Lucina and Chrom too got up, only now waiting for orders.
"So, Chrom. . ." Robin started. "You should attack first. With your slow speed and high defense, he'll never make it. And Lucina, you bring out those sneak attacks. He probably has no magic defense, so I'll get my magic all fired up by reading difficult words. Sounds like a plan?"
"Ok!" Lucina nodded.
"Roger that! It's a good thing we can count on you! Haha!" Chrom said.
While fighting Captain Falcon. . .
"Robin! Where's the vulnerary?! Father is dying!" Lucina shouted to Robin while trying to defend herself in a sword-vs-fist battle against Captain Falcon. Robin's strategy left Chrom half-dead in the corner with bruises all over his body.
Or was it last night's meal?
"Lamb chops. . ." Robin shook his head to himself.
"Lucina forgot the lamb sauce. . ." Chrom let out a dying breath.
"Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick maths!" Captain Falcon repeated over and over again with every swift punch and kick.
"This isn't looking too good. . ." Marth bit his nail nervously, "Captain Falcon isn't doing such a good job knocking them out in one blow. . ."
Ike choked on his drink. "Wait, you want them to lose?"
"Tell me, Ike, is that a good thing or a bad thing to have them in the mansion 24/7?"
Ike didn't seem to find it a problem, as he gave Marth a silent answer.
Lucina's sword suddenly went flying into the air as the crowd gasped with wide eyes. Marth excitedly stood up from his seat and shouted, "END HER!"
"Robin!" Lucina cried for help. Robin knew Lucina was very much useless without a sword and he had to take matters into his own hands.
He pulled out a yellow book, as he stretched forth his hand to Captain Falcon. "Lucina, duck!" He shot Thoron from his book and a straight beam went zooming toward Captain Falcon and Lucina, as long she didn't-
"Goose!" Lucina got up from her position and stood straight up, right when the magic was coming both at her and Captain Falcon.
"Goddammit, Lucina!"
A terrifying scream sent Captain Falcon and Lucina flying off the ground, slamming against the walls of the coliseum. Everyone gasped loudly, feeling sympathy from the dangerous impact.
Master Hand and Crazy Hand glanced at each other before announcing Robin the winner.
(oOoOoOo)
From more Pokemon, to manly fighters, spots were filling up slowly and steadily. It was near the end of the last few spots with one more contestant that every Smasher was familiar with.
"STATE NAME, OCCUPATION!"
"My name is Corrin, and I'm. . ." Knowing he was from two families, he didn't know which name to give credit to. He had to be careful because he gave out invitations for both of his families to watch.
The audience watched impatiently, as they stared him down for a clear answer.
"Oh my, I didn't know he has stage fright." Zelda said.
"Who knew?" Link said.
"He look's real stupid right now." Roy snickered.
"What's the point when he's not going to make it in the roster?" Ike rolled his eyes.
"Remember you said the same shit to Cloud when you got your ass beat? Now that was funny." Marth looked at the mercenary with a smirk. Ike was reminded when he got beat to a pulp from another fellow mercenary.
"He's just lucky he grew up as a terrorist." Ike crossed his arms. "Also, don't forget your ass loss to that British boi."
"His accent was so thick, I swear I thought he was casting a spell on me!" Marth didn't want to be reminded.
"I. . . I'm a proud prince. . .?" Corrin finally came to a conclusion with his occupation, but the audience wasn't satisfied with just "I'm a prince".
"WHERE ARE YOU FROM?" Crazy Hand said, now feeling a bit more curious.
"I live in my own castle. . ." Corrin decided to go with that.
"OK, CORNBREAD, WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE LYING, BUT WE'LL CONTINUE. SINCE YOU MAY BE THE LAST NEW CHARACTER IN THE ROSTER, I'LL LET YOU CHOOSE YOUR OPPONENT."
"MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!" Marth stood up from their chairs and waved his hands high up in the air, as the prince caused lots of attention.
"Um. . . I don't think I have a choice then." Corrin pointed to Marth.
"Yes!" Marth jumped from his seat to the ground, landing blissfully and elegantly, making some girls scream.
"READY? FIGHT!" Master Hand said.
Marth was half way through pulling his sword from his sheath till he felt a strange vibe coming from the coliseum, but he didn't know exactly where. As if he was being spied on.
Corrin felt the same way, but only this time, he knew who was capable of pulling these "pranks".
Everyone in the coliseum were wondering why the two opponents weren't moving an inch. Most of the Smashers didn't know what was going on, as they could only watch with their eyes open.
Ike placed a pair of lenses gently balancing on his nose. "I'll have to see with my eyes open."
"Ike, stop being extra." Zelda said.
"Bruh," Roy said, "This is clearly some Naruto Shippuden live action!"
Cloud, who was sitting with Tifa, felt shivers down his spine. "I knew this bad feeling was going to hit. . ."
"What do you mean, Cloud?" Tifa glanced at the blonde before looking away to Corrin and Marth.
Marth sighed, not wanting to waste anymore time. "Let's just fight-" Marth took a step toward the dragon boy.
"No! Don't!" Corrin cried out.
But it was too late.
"NOBODY LAYS A SCUM OF A FINGER ON CORRIN!" A demonic voice echoed throughout the coliseum. Everyone thought this was a prank at first from SSBB, but it turn out for worse when glowing blue arrows came lightning fast for Marth's back.
"What the-?!" Marth was rained down with magic arrows, causing a large booming noise that echoed deeply like a thunder cloud.
"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDEIEIDEIEDEIDIEDIEDInohriansucmDIEEDIEDIEEDIEDIDEIDIEDIDEIDEIDnorhrianscumDIEDIDEIDEIDEIDIED!" The voice roared out, shooting rapid fire. Everyone started screaming, panicking to the point of leaving the coliseum. More arrows were raining all over than just the middle where Corrin stood with a terrified look.
"Omg an active shooter!"
"RUNN!"
"Nononononono!"
"AHH! FUCK DIS SHIT!"
"Moommmy!"
"Hurry children!"
"I dropped my spicy burritos!" Kirby cried. When he looked up at the blue sky, all he could see was an arrow directly charging at him.
"RIP, Marth!" Roy laughed, as he made a run for it. .
Ike could only shake his head for his blue haired friend. "You'll be missed. . ."
"I'm not. . . dead yet. . ." Marth could hear the sympathy vibes from his so called, friends, as he struggled to get up from the sudden impact of the arrows.
"It's not like we're doing anything wrong. I don't understand. . ." Camila pouted innocently, holding onto Elise's hand tightly.
"Bye, Big Brother!" Elise waved at the middle with Corrin still in a shock.
"Let's just leave. . . It seems that the Hoshidians can't get a fucking priest to exorcise that demon of a child." Xander said.
Leo rolled his eyes. "Ugh. . . what a psycho."
Sakura pointed to his insane brother that was hiding in a thick tree. "Should we stop him. . .?"
"It's best if we don't Sakura-chan." Ryoma shook his head.
"I agree." Hinoka nodded. "I swear, if he hurts Corrin, I'm cutting his di-"
"Big Sister, Hinoka!" Sakura interrupted.
"Diet! I'll cut his diet!"
Corrin's Yato slipped from his fingers, letting it hit the sandy ground, as he dropped to his knees.
"Why. . ." Corrin murmured. "Why can't I have a normal family? Why?"
Many arrows kept targeting innocent pedestrians, as the fled frantically for their lives. In the end, the attacker wanted to attack his enemies from the other side of the coliseum.
Master Hand and Crazy Hand agreed to end the tournament with the destruction of the coliseum.
"NO MORE SMASHERS?" Master Hand looked at Crazy Hand when the left the coliseum safety.
"NO MORE SMASHERS." Crazy Hand said. They shook their hands to seal the deal. And so in the end, many Smashers were recruited into the roster.
A/N: Thanks for reading! /(n_n)/ Till next time!
