The rest of her day was rather uneventful.
Bella went home, cried some more, ate some baked chicken nuggets for lunch, and watched shitty telenovelas she didn't understand but still audibly commented on while waiting on the day to drag into evening and then into nighttime.
A few of her human friends texted her throughout the day, some wishing her a speedy recovery with whatever she was 'sick' with, while others (Mike) lamented that she was lucky to be home instead of at school.
However, when she texted Alice to vent about the shitty way they just took the moving truck and ran away like cowards, the first few paragraphs of texts actually went through. When Bella started apologizing for her words after her anger had faded, however, the number was suddenly disconnected and nothing went through anymore.
Bella screamed loud enough in frustration at that that she made herself hoarse for an hour afterward.
When Charlie got home, he asked her questions about what she did on her 'sick day,' which she answered with a careless shrug of her shoulders before replying with a simple, "Fine." The pair ate the pizza Charlie had picked up before coming home in silence in front of the TV, the evening news being the agreed-on choice before Bella cleaned up the few dishes dinner had accumulated.
"Are you feeling better, kiddo?" Charlie asked from the doorway to the kitchen, the sincerity of the question making Bella shy away internally.
"Yeah," she lied. She let out an awkward laugh as she washed the dishes. "I guess I just needed a break."
Charlie let out a soft, amused bark of laughter. "You're still young, Bells, nothing to be tired about just yet." He popped the tab to his beer and took a sip. "But it can't become too much of a habit. This is your last year before you're an adult-"
"I'm already 18."
"You know what I mean," Charlie said with a roll of his eyes that made Bella snort. "It's just- different- when you're out of school and in college. Trust me."
"Sure, Dad."
Charlie cleared his throat before taking another sip of his beer. "Alright, I'm gonna watch the game. Go- do teenager stuff, or whatever. School tomorrow. Don't stay up too late."
"Alright."
She could hear the sports broadcast her father had switched to from the den while she stared up at the stairs that led to her bedroom. Like any teenager Bella dreaded going to bed because it signified the end of the day, now, however, bedtime meant a possible repeat of the day when she woke up.
Exhaling a sigh through her nose, Bella finished cleaning the dishes, trudged up the stairs, and started her routine for bed.
The minutes blurred even though she tried to keep track of each one as she showered, brushed her teeth, and failed to read a book. Eventually, she just settled on mindlessly browsing the internet on her laptop, and before she knew it, Charlie was tromping up the stairs to go to bed, which was her usual weeknight signal to also try and sleep.
As the moon started to rise high in the cold September sky outside her unlocked window, Bella tucked herself under her covers and just lay there. She stared up at the ceiling, familiar as ever, and willed herself to stay awake even though the emotional exhaustion of the day was urging her to sleep.
She had never been one to overemploy religion. Her parents weren't very devout in what they believed in and allowed Bella to make her own choices in what she believed in, but that night she begged for something to allow her out of this Hell.
"I'm sick of this," she whispered as tears once again started to burn in her eyes.
Why did she have to be the one to have her heart shattered every day? What exactly did she do wrong in this world to deserve this?
She tossed and turned in her bed, trying to figure out the logistics. If she stayed awake all night, surely that meant she beat the system, right? That was her current, only plan for right now, but it was unusually hard to stay awake. Exhaustion seemed to be at the core of her very being, and sleep sounded so wonderful by the time it was almost midnight.
As the clock on her bedside table ticked along, Bella's eyes became heavier and heavier.
Eventually, she fell asleep.
The loud blaring of her alarm startled her awake.
"Fuck!" she hissed out as she sat bolt upright in bed, adrenaline coursing through her. She stumbled out of bed, the covers making the stumbling actually happen as the sheets seemed intent on tangling around her legs and ankles, and she fumbled with her phone as she anxiously read the date.
"God dammit!" she snarled, hand clutching tightly the phone as she read the date.
It was still the 16th.
She had royally fucked up and fallen asleep, and it was still the goddamn 16th.
Bella sank to the floor as misery washed over her. She wanted to cry again. She wanted to throw the phone and have it shatter into a million pieces as she screamed and screamed and screamed some more.
Why did the universe hate her so much?
Why did she have to suffer more than anybody else in the entire world?
How utterly teenager of me, she thought sourly as she sat crouched on her bedroom floor. No wonder Edward doesn't want me. I'm still so… so… human, and just a kid compared to him.
She let the phone clatter to the floor. A childish attempt at throwing it without actually causing damage to the device. She huddled on the floor a little longer as she wallowed in her bitter feelings before heaving out a large sigh, scooping up her phone, and beginning the daunting task of readying herself for school.
As she was brushing her teeth, she thought about trying to fake being ill. Charlie went with it yesterday, why not today as well? She wouldn't use the 'losing my mind' angle, of course, but a tummy ache or something benign enough she could fake without much question.
But she wanted to figure out why this was happening, and the only connection she might have was Edward and possibly his family. It seemed upsettingly inevitable that Edward would break up with her today, so did she just again try and talk with Carlisle about what was going on?
She had to be fast if she did. Edward had shown up quickly yesterday when she tried talking with Carlisle and Alice. She had to get them on her side fast if she was to try and find some way to break out of this Sisyphean curse she had found herself somehow trapped in.
Bella bent in half to spit out the toothpaste in the sink before rinsing with mouthwash as well.
She needed a plan.
She needed to make a list.
Time flew by in a blur of bodies as she made her way to school and sat in her first period. She hadn't even stopped to tell Edward good morning as she rushed to class.
She tapped the end of her pen against her cheek as she hunched over her notebook, whatever lesson going on at the front of the class was completely ignored as she started making her list.
Break out of time loop
How?
Stay in a relationship with Edward?
Talk to the Cullens
?
Die (final plan if nothing works)
Amazing list. 10/10.
She only had three solid options right now: somehow find a way to stay with someone utterly disgusted with her and her human-ness, talk to his family who might also dislike her at this point, or kill herself.
Bella placed the end of the pen hard against her lower lip until she could feel the tip indenting her skin. She inhaled slowly as she sat back in her chair and lazily gazed up at the front of the class. She had no idea what was going on, and, apparently, she'd been here half an hour by now.
At least my grades can't get worse in this time thing, she thought as she ripped the page out of her notebook and threw it away.
She needed to get somebody on her side somehow.
Alice was her best friend and obvious choice outside of Edward as her go-to for Cullen situations. She had behaved uncharacteristically timidly yesterday, but she chalked it up to Edward making the whole family move because of her.
Her heart sank as the day dragged on. She tried her best to avoid Edward as she went from class to class, but at lunch, he dutifully sat beside her like a good boyfriend and pretended to eat as he tried to pry any conversation out of her.
"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked, voice low and intimate and just for her in that loud space. "You've been quiet today."
"Just thinking about some things." She then paused at her lame attempt at eating disguised as shoving her salad around in its bowl. "Actually, am I usually quiet?"
She hadn't really ever thought about it before. She and Edward usually just… got each other. They didn't often have long conversations about things unless you counted the time she was being hunted for sport by a deranged human-drinking vampire and his clan, and even then she didn't do much talking, just being talked at by Edward.
They mostly talked while at school or in their meadow. Nothing big, nothing solid about the future; and even when at the Cullen house their conversations were usually tapered to make allowances of privacy for sharp vampiric hearing.
Edward pursed his lips together as he silently mulled over her question.
Bella resumed picking at her lunch while waiting for his response.
"It's not that you're quiet per se, but you don't waste energy on inane questions or pointless conversation. I like that about you, Bella. You don't talk in circles like most women do, and the discussions we have are actually full of thoughts that I love to hear from you."
His crooked smile which usually melted her heart didn't have as much impact on her today. If anything, seeing it made her… sad.
She knew what was inevitably coming.
"Oh, okay," was all she managed to get out right as the bell rang to signify the end of the lunch period.
Edward, ever the gentleman, gathered her tray and leftovers to dispose of while Bella slung her backpack over her shoulder to resume the final few classes for the day. As usual, after he was done he grabbed her hand and walked her to her next class.
As they walked down the hall, the silence and awkwardness between them seemed tangible. Edward's hand felt colder and harder than ever against her palm, and she mentally wished he would just let her go and go on to his own class. It would give her more time to think of a plan.
It would at least give her time to mourn the future ending of their relationship for the day.
When they stopped just a few feet from Bella's classroom door, Edward released her hand. And just like any other day, he leaned down and brushed a chaste kiss against her lips. Bella stood still as he pulled away, not even trying to chase after his mouth like she usually would.
He wasn't smiling when he pulled away.
"I'll see you after school, Bella." Almost as if it were an afterthought he added, "I love you."
"See ya later," Bella said, throat tight as she rushed into the room to avoid the spill of tears that threatened to well out of her eyes.
She stumbled as she walked down the middle aisle, the embarrassment having successfully chased away the sadness that had only moments prior filled up her entire emotional capacity. Heat bloomed in her cheeks as her chair squeaked as she quickly sat down at her desk. She looked at the empty seat next to her.
Alice was usually next to her in this class.
Unfortunately, today was an Alice-less day.
Was Alice packing still right now? Or was she already halfway across the country?
As the bell rang to signify anyone wandering the halls now was tardy, the teacher immediately started to drone on about something probably important in some aspect, but not today. Bella pulled out her notebook and began making her list again.
Break out of time loop
How?
Stay with Edward.
If it works:
Happy Bella :)
Hopefully happy Edward?
Hopefully happy Cullens?
They're my family. I love them. I want to stay with them.
If it bombs:
Sad Bella :(
Future kinda sucks tbh.
No point in anything, because the world is now intrinsically changed from what I once knew and nothing can ever bring back that ignorance that might have once been bliss.
Constant fear of rogue vampires.
Talk to Edward's family and try to get them on my side and help change his mind about leaving me behind.
Best options for who to talk to:
Carlisle
Dad.
Most likely to get Edward to change his mind.
Esme
Mom.
Second most likely to get Edward to change his mind.
Alice
She can bring more facts and logic into the conversation about the time bullshit with her future visions.
Might be able to find a way out of the whole thing actually.
?
I don't know who else is at the house still. They always leave before I can talk to more than one or two of them.
?
This list seemed much more efficient than its previous iteration. Bella was happier with this one, and it had a clearer first option on who to go for: Alice.
Yesterday, the tiny scrap of a vampire seemed stunned to be told Bella was experiencing the same day over and over. She had said that because the future was always shifting, never tangible, it should be impossible for Bella to be experiencing this.
Alice was the one she needed to talk to tomorrow, it was likely far too late now as school was almost over and when she stopped by the Cullen household the other(same) day, everyone was already packed and gone.
If Bella spoke with Alice before she had a chance to run, she might be able to get something going.
Satisfied with this course of action, Bella ripped the page out of her notebook and shredded it into neat little strips. She couldn't chance a hapless human stumbling on this and bringing it up to an adult.
The bell rang as soon as she was finished cleaning up her makeshift shredder mess.
School was over.
Time to get her heart broken again.
As Bella followed the stream of adolescents out of the building, she was unsurprised to see Edward leaning against her truck when she reached the parking lot. He was truly picturesque as he leaned against her beat up old truck while dressed in his designer clothes, with his beautiful disheveled hair, and his perfectly unfazed expression.
Her heart rattled weakly in her ribcage as she stood at the top of the steps leading out of the building.
Run away. Avoid this. Hide.
Her instincts told her to just turn around and walk back inside, but Edward had already spotted her and was offering Bella a weak grin as he moved to stand straight and wait patiently for her human speed to bring her to him.
Gathering her courage, Bella tightened the single-handed grip she had on her backpack and walked over to her for-now-boyfriend. Her blood was rushing through her ears by the time she stopped to stand in front of him and her breathing was quick and shallow.
"Edward," she managed to squeak out.
The both of them cringed at how forced and high-pitched his name came out sounding.
"Are you okay?" Edward was quick to ask, sliding the bag off Bella's shoulder and gently placing it on the passenger seat to her truck. "Are you not feeling well?"
Shew was chewing on her lip hard enough that it threatened to break skin, and she could see by the slowly growing darkness in Edward's eyes he was able to pick up on the heady rush of her blood, the unsteady rhythm of her heart, and the anxiety coursing through her as she gnawed on her lower lip and fidgeted with her hands.
"Do you love me?" Bella asked softly. It sounded almost inaudible to her ears, but she knew Edward would have no problem hearing her.
She flinched as Edward grabbed her hand and held it in his cold dead ones.
Edward immediately released her, pulling away so quickly one would think he was burned.
"I do love you, Bella," he answered.
Bella stared into his eyes.
"But?" she asked.
Edward sighed and ran a hand through russet hair. It was unbelievably sexy of him whenever he usually did that, but now the action just made her stomach hurt.
"We shouldn't do this here. Come to the meadow with me?"
Bella nodded jerkily and followed after Edward like a lost puppy.
At least in their meadow she wouldn't get lost when he inevitably ditched her.
The time spent getting there was drenched in silence. Silence so thick one could cut it with a knife. Bella had only held knives made to cook before. She idly made a note to ask Charlie to sharpen the knives they had in their kitchen as she felt the first tickling tendrils of long grass against her legs as she entered the very edges of their meadow.
There was an indent in the grass where she and Edward usually would lay, staring at one another with lovey-dovey eyes as time passed in companionable silence.
Fuck, I gotta sharpen those knives, Bella thought as she went to lay in the indent shaped like her own body. But does it even matter if tomorrow isn't going to come?
Bella closed her eyes as she felt Edward lay beside her. She screwed her eyes shut and clenched her hands into fists at her side as she waited.
"Say it," she demanded after several breathspans. "Just get it over with. I just- I want to go home."
I want to see your sister and plan on how I'm going to keep you. Let me go. Let me have another day with you.
"You mean the world to me, Bella," Edward's voice said beside her. "Please know this: I love you."
Bella's eyelids almost hurt from how tightly she was squeezing them shut.
The deep richness usually gave her gooseflesh whenever he would speak in low tones in her ears, but now his voice just made her skin itch and crawl.
"But?"
"But I don't think this relationship is healthy for either of us."
"Because I'm a human." She wrenched open her eyes, unsurprised to feel tears slipping down her cheeks as she moved to sit up and glare at her soon-to-be-ex.
"No, we're just too different," Edward was quick to explain.
"Again: because I'm human," Bella challenged. "So make me something better. I don't want a normal human life. I want a life with you. Forever. Forever-forever."
Bella shifted, moved closer to Edward and placed her hands on his chest.
"No. I won't do that to you."
"Because you're scared!" Bella shouted as she stood up and began to pace in a small circle.
"I don't want you being one of us," Edward said calmly. "That's not a life you deserve."
He was always so calm that sometimes it infuriated her. Like he was an adult talking to an inputent child.
Well, she was an adult, dammit! And she deserved to be treated like one, not like a kid who needed to be coddled and told right from wrong. She could make her own choices now.
"I don't deserve it, but I want it," she said through gritted teeth. "Just like I deserve to know why you're really doing this. I'm not stupid. Stop trying to pull wool over my eyes, Edward. I know this is about my party and the fact I almost died."
Edward's eyes were coal black now and he moved to stand in front of her. His predator gaze followed her every move as she alternated between pacing and glaring at him.
"I would never let that happen," he said roughly. "And I'm going to make sure it never happens again."
"By running away? Abandoning me?" Bella shouted, arms thrown above her head in an angry manner before they flopped hard against her sides as she quickly lowered them. "I know about vampires now, Edward. What am I supposed to do about that? I can never go back to a life before you, and, truthfully, I don't want to."
"Too bad," Edward said coolly. "You don't have a say in this. I'm doing this for you, Bella. Please, try and see my reasoning behind this. I'm making sure nothing ever happens to you again by staying away and letting you get a husband, start a family-"
"I don't want that!" she said, choking on the end through her tears.
Bella wasn't an angry crier, but the past same day really seemed to be doing something to change that.
The tears that poured down her cheeks burned.
Bella crouched on the ground, arms wrapped tight around her knees as she buried her face into her thighs.
"Edward, I don't want that…"
"I'm sorry."
The wind blew, soft grasses brushed against her skin, and Bella knew she was alone.
Bella sobbed pitifully until it got closer to dusk. By the time a soft pink started to tint the sky, her tears had dried and she was just shivering on the ground.
Picking herself up, she stumbled her way through the forest and back to her truck.
As she turned the key and the ancient engine rumbled to life Bella tried to think of the one bright spark that could turn all this around.
Alice.
