Chapter 3 - Shall I?

I stood outside my tutor room, nervously combing my fingers through my hair. I was currently in school, I hadn't seen any of my friends this morning and I was waiting for the bell to ring to signal that it was time for everyone to arrive and go into the room. I knew that the bell was going to ring at some point and I sort of wanted it to because I wanted to see my friends, but on the other hand, I didn't want it to ring because for someone like me, listening to that sound made me feel that my ears were bleeding and because of the fact that I also didn't want to see my friends.

Why? Because I was anxious about approaching them and I had the feeling that they were all going to either be angry with me for not telling them about I'm A Koopa sooner, or they were going to act like they had no faith in me. Actually, I thought that that last reason was pretty selfish because the least they could do was pretend to be amazed and happy for me.

I sighed heavily and put my head in my hands. "Ohhh…" I muttered to myself.

I couldn't believe this. Throughout my whole time at this school, I have always had countless things to be anxious about such as sudden eruptions of loud noise, embarrassing myself in the corridors by accidentally dropping my books and stationery, being barged out of the way by older kids, locker doors slamming into my face, and tons of other things. Now, I had yet another thing to be anxious about in this darned place, and it was associated with the only thing I liked about school. Friends.

Oh, I felt so nervous and worked up that I felt like I could pick up a cushion, plant it onto my face and scream. It was such a shame that I didn't have the power to turn invisible whenever I wanted to, which was now, but I decided that this had to be done. Stop it! I thought. Stop being a pussy, suck it up and tell them! However, a few seconds later, I completely disregarded my own thoughts because the bell rang and it was so loud that I couldn't help but cry out. I put my hands over my ears and took deep breaths in and out, trying to prevent my tinnitus and causing a massive headache.

Sadly, this happened to me on a daily basis and I would often find myself massaging my temples and clutching my head until way into the morning due to the brief but vicious pain I would face every morning. I can't actually remember one school day since Year Seven where I haven't got a headache, but what made me happy was the thought of me having quiet and peaceful mornings in the jungle and it would be like that for three weeks. No more being woken up by an annoying alarm clock, no more deafening bells controlling me, no more screaming and fighting in the corridors and no more gum aches from when I would always clench my teeth together because I was anxious in lessons.

Instead, I would wake up to the wind blowing in my face, the sweet scent of flowers and the pleasing sound of Australian birds singing their morning songs. Aside from all the hunger and the fatigue after all the trials, this experience would potentially be one of the best decisions I would ever make and it would change me, whether my friends wanted me to or not.

Speaking of my friends, I heard their voices even from the top of the flight of stairs, but then again, I had been alone the whole time so it was much easier for me to decipher them. After taking a few deep breaths, I saw Larry, Jesse and Jordan walking up the stairs chatting and laughing, but they smiled upon seeing me.

"Hey, Lud." Larry said. "You alright?"

I smiled weakly and nodded.

"Are you sure?" he asked, then he got closer to me and whispered, "Did your Hyperacusis get triggered from that bell?"

"Yeah." I sighed and put a hand to my head since it was still throbbing quite a bit. "I really wish we could have another way of knowing when lessons start and end instead of that." I half closed my eyes and scowled up at the bell hanging up near the ceiling. Jesse and Jordan must've been able to hear what was going on because they both came over to me and Larry.

"Would you like some of my water to help the pain go?" Jesse asked, holding up his drinks bottle.

At that moment, I felt like my head was more or less going to explode, but at the same time, I felt so sick to the stomach with nerves that even if I drank a bit of water, I would chuck up all over the floor. I swallowed a retch before replying, "Um, no thanks, I'll be alright."

Just then, our tutor, Miss Pine, walked out of the door of the staff room, which was directly opposite our tutor room and she opened the door for us all.

"Morning, lovelies!" she said with the smile that she sported every morning. "Come on in!"

The teacher's kind voice made me smile a bit too because starting my days off on a positive note was everything I wanted and everything I needed. I walked into the room with my friends and sat down in my seat without speaking, as I so often did, partly because I was normally still a bit groggy and tired from waking up too early in the morning to get ready for school and partly because…well, I didn't really see the point. Miss Pine took our register and then she let us talk amongst ourselves.

At this point, I sort of wanted to talk, but I also didn't because my brain would keep on giving me signals to tell my friends about what happened on Friday night and then it would lead to me doubting myself about it all, I would keep my mouth shut about it and then the whole situation would turn into a massive ballache. Instead, I just stared ahead into space and told myself, you're fine, you're fine.

"Ludwig?" said a voice.

I was instantly jolted out of my thoughts, I turned my head and Larry was looking at me with a hint of concern.

"Are you good?" he asked. "Normally you're more talkative than this."

Bloody Hells Bells, he was right, but sometimes, that would depend on my mood. I began to perspire as I desperately tried to think of an excuse. "That's because it's a Monday!" I exclaimed, proud of myself that my brain had managed to cooperate whilst the stressful feeling was nibbling away at my heart. "No one's energetic on a Monday."

Larry raised an eyebrow. "You seemed to have made a mistake because it looked like you had a burst of energy just then."

For some totally abnormal reason, I felt giggles gurgling up in my throat. "You're so annoying!" I said, chuckling, and then I started laughing maniacally. "Y-You really are!"

As I carried on laughing, Larry stared at me, his eyes widening. At this point, Jesse and Jordan were staring at me too and they all looked like they didn't know whether to laugh or scream. Larry shook his head and blinked before giving the remark, "Look, man, there is definitely something wrong. You're acting so weird, it's actually kind of creepy."

Jordan sniffed. "Yeah, just a little bit."

"No…" I said after I had recovered from my inhalation of laughing gas. "I'm honestly fine, don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?" Larry asked. "Because it looks like you've experienced three different emotions throughout the last minute."

"No, I-I'm totally fine." I repeated. "Nothing's wrong with me."

"Um…okay then…"

Actually, I now felt quite embarrassed that I had cracked up laughing in that way because I was doing that to try and prove that I was honestly fine and nothing was bothering me, but instead, I had accidentally exaggerated. I sighed and groaned inside my head, cringed, then facepalmed. Oh my gosh, what the hell was this thought doing to me? It was bugging me so much that it was driving me crazy. Literally! It was like I was being cursed, so I knew I had to tell my friends sooner or later, but the problem was that I just needed to pick the right time.

Not waiting outside a classroom for a lesson or in a lesson. Maybe at break time or lunchtime because I had all the time I needed. Yeah, lunchtime it was then, since it was longer than break time.

I glanced down at my timetable and sighed deeply inside my head. Ugh, geography. I was absolutely dreading this lesson because it always felt like I was being strapped up to a wall and somebody was dragging a knife slowly through the side of my face. The only thing I liked about geography was that I sat next to Larry, but my only fear was that I would act up around him again and he would become more and more suspicious.

The bell clanged for the start of the lesson. As luck would have it, the bell was actually inside the classroom, but I wasn't so lucky at the end of the lesson. The teacher let us in and we all sat down in our seats. For the first twenty minutes, I thought that this was going very smoothly, but when the teacher asked a student a question about Australia, I began to tense up and it reminded me of tutor time that morning and about Friday night.

Not long after that, some textbooks were given out to all of us and we had to work through them, but after the thing that the teacher had just said, it was very, very difficult for me to sit still and concentrate. Whilst I was writing down all the answers in my book, my left hand kept on shaking and every time I stopped writing and lifted it off the page, sweat marks were left behind. The same thing happened when I turned the pages of the textbook as well, which was something I hoped that Larry wouldn't notice, but guess what he said to me next?

"Lud, are you sure you're alright? You're physically shaking."

Oh, I could no longer carry this feeling around with me like it was a ton of sand. I had to say it, but now just wasn't the right time. I swallowed a lump. "Um…there is something bothering me."

Larry blinked and put a hand on my shoulder. "What is it?"

"I…don't want to tell you, but at the same time, it'll make me feel a lot better."

"What do you mean 'you don't want to tell me'? I tell you everything."

"I know…" I sighed. "Look, I'll tell all of you at lunch, but just be warned; you probably won't like what I have to say."

"Why? What is it?"

I raised an eyebrow and scowled, looking at him as if to say, "Did you not just hear me?"

Larry shrunk back and put up his hands. "Okay, okay, sorry. I can wait until lunch." and like that, the lesson absolutely flew by.

After I had purchased my food from the canteen, I felt pretty ashamed of myself because I had wasted lots of valuable money on food and I was so afraid of my friends' reactions to me telling them about I'm A Koopa that I felt like I couldn't stomach it. I cringed and my heart sank slightly when I saw them all sitting near the back of the canteen where we normally sat for lunch.

"So, Larry said that you were going to tell us something." Jesse said. "And apparently, we won't like it. What is it?"

I sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day and I sat down in the empty seat at the end of the table. "Um…so basically…" I found it difficult to form coherent sentences and I had to take a moment to find my tongue.

"It's alright, Ludwig." Jordan reassured me. "Take your time."

I nodded and tried to begin again. "Basically, I got an unexpected phone call on Friday night and a TV presenter asked me a question and I said yes to it."

My friends all nodded and gestured for me to carry on. "So, you know the show, I'm A Koopa…Get Me Out Of Here?"

"Yeah?" they all replied.

"Um…you probably won't like this, but…I'm going on it this year. Next week even."

I winced and bit my lip in apprehension, expecting a full on blown up reaction, but strangely, Jesse and Jordan just looked at each other in bafflement. However, I was startled out of my emotions when Larry suddenly burst into helpless laughter.

"Oh, my god!" he exclaimed, drying his eyes on the sleeve of his blazer. "Wow, wow, wow, good one, Lud!"

I stared at him, incredulous. "No, you heard correctly. I'm going to Australia next week and I'll be gone for nearly a month."

As soon as I said this, I wished I hadn't because Larry's smile turned upside down. For a moment, it looked like he was staring at me, but soon it came to me that he was staring over my shoulder.

"Larry…" I said as he took deep breaths, almost as if he was going to cry.

Before I could say more, he walked round me and strode off out the door of the canteen. I stood up from my seat and rushed towards the door.

"Larry, listen, this was totally unexpected! It wasn't my fault!" I called as my voice cracked with emotion. "Please!"

Larry didn't turn back.