Home is Not a Place
Rachel analyzed Lisa's face across the restaurant table, her smile a clear façade to how she knew her friend was truly feeling. Lisa waved her kids one last goodbye and Rachel turned around in time to catch Kingston waving back, his other hand taken by his father. Little Rebecca too raised her tiny hand and attempted a wave, which drew an emotional chuckle from both women.
"Au revoir, Kings!" Emma whispered from Rachel's side before busying her lips with a French fry.
Rachel kissed her daughter's head and reached across the table to cover Lisa's hand with her own.
"They'll be OK." She tried to reassure her.
Lisa's smile finally faded after the door closed behind her kids and her ex-husband.
"I know." She wiped the corner of her eyes and nodded. "Thanks for being here, Rachel."
Rachel nodded back.
"Of course."
Lisa looked at her directly into her eyes and half smiled, even if it was still a strained, pained smile.
"I mean it, Rachel. Most of my other friends are still happily married, or they don't have kids… they don't really understand, you know. But you do."
Rachel half smiled back at her. She felt grateful he could be there for her friend at this painful moment, the first time she would leave both her kids for a full weekend away with their father after the divorce. And Rachel did understand, though she had to admit her situation was not exactly the same. Moments like this reminded her just how lucky she was to be co-parenting with Ross, her best friends to this day, even after everything they have been through.
"We're happy to be here for you. You know you're like our family here, right?"
Lisa smiled truthfully again.
"Don't bloody make me cry even harder now, Rachel!"
Rachel laughed but also teared up with her. In the time that they'd known each other, Lisa had grown to become a true, great friend to Rachel in Europe. Comparable to her friends in New York even, which was really saying something.
"So, what do you say we finish lunch, and you take me around to finally give London a chance?"
Lisa chuckled and nodded again.
"Sounds good."
The past few months had been the best so far in Europe. Since Rachel had stopped pressuring herself into finding a man, she started focusing her energy in what mattered most. It was not like she was swearing off guys altogether, she just knew she wasn't in the right place to let someone in. Until she was, she would dedicate her time to herself, her daughter, and her friends.
They went on small getaways: London, Berlin, Barcelona, Amsterdam, to name a few. In just a few hours she could find herself in a completely different country, experiencing completely different cultures, so she started making the most of it.
And then came the curveball, just a couple of weeks after her trip to London, to let Rachel know she would need to dedicate more of her time to her family as well.
On a seemingly ordinary Tuesday afternoon, Rachel almost jumped out of her chair when her cellphone rang, having been so concentrated on the spreadsheet on her laptop at work. She clutched her chest with one hand and picked it up with the other, catching her mother's name on the screen before she accepted the call.
"Hi mom."
"Darling, are you sitting down?"
Rachel's insides instantly froze. No good news ever followed that question, right?
"What happened? Is it the Gellers?"
"Oh no, no. I actually saw them at the club the other day and we ended up having lunch together, it was really nice."
Rachel smiled warmly but quickly remembered that if it wasn't that, well, then it was still something.
"What is it then?"
"It's you sister Jill. Well, I guess there's no other way to say this: she's pregnant."
Rachel almost audibly gasped.
"I'm sorry, did you say pregnant?"
"Indeed, I did. She came over yesterday all weepy, saying her boyfriend's left her after she broke the news…"
"Oh wow. How's she doing?"
"Well, you know your sister… She gets defensive and aggressive whenever she's scared, so she's locked herself in her room after I said some things she did not like…"
Rachel rolled her eyes. Typical Jill. But then again, having been in her shoes, she knew just how pointless lectures could be at this stage, so she also got that.
"And she's going to keep it?"
"Says she will."
"Has she told daddy yet?"
"So that's the thing, Rachel. She's saying she wants your help doing that. Sweetheart, I know it's not like you're just a few minutes away, but do you think you can fly over soon and give your little sister some guidance and support? I know she's difficult, but she could really use your help right now."
Rachel still felt at a loss, but she couldn't exactly say no to that, could she?
"Uh, yeah, sure. I'll see what I can do."
And so, after pulling a few strings, just a few days later Rachel paced around her mother's living room across from Jill, who was sitting down quietly watching her older sister's movements.
"OK, Jill, honey… How did this happen?"
Jill narrowed her eyes.
"You see, Rachel, when a man a woman-"
"Alright, alright." Rachel cut her. Ask a stupid question… "But how could you let this happen, Jill?"
This time Jill scoffed.
"Really?! I'm getting lectured on this by you?"
Rachel bit her bottom lip and conceded once again.
"Alright." She sat down across from Jill and looked straight into her eyes. "And you're sure you want to keep it?"
Jill was silent for a few seconds, but then nodded her head affirmatively.
"I am."
Rachel hated that she felt the need to ask the next question, but she couldn't not.
"Honey, you know this is not going to bring the father of your baby back though, right?"
"Of course, you would know. After all, it didn't work for you, did it?" Jill snapped.
Rachel stood up immediately.
"OK, good luck telling daddy all by yourself."
"No, Rachel, please!" Jill pleaded. "I'm sorry. I'm just… I'm scared."
Rachel softened up. Maybe she wasn't being fair to her sister either after all. She sat back down and sighed.
"I'm sorry for implying that's the only reason you would want to keep this child. I just want to make sure you understand just how hard this Is going to be, Jill."
Jill nodded.
"I know."
"I mean, I don't regret having Emma for a second, she's the single greatest thing in my life and I would die for her. But still, even with Ross' help, this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, Jill, and it's forever. This is going to change everything, honey."
Jill nodded again.
"I know. I do want this though, Rachel."
Rachel half smiled and then reached over to grab her sister's hand.
"OK. Then we'll make it work."
Jill smiled back.
"And you'll go with me to tell daddy?"
Rachel nodded again.
"I'll give him a call and we can do it in the next few days while I'm here."
"Thank you, Rachel." Jill said quietly.
A few moments later they joined their mom, Amy, and Emma in the kitchen. The sight before her both alarmed and moved Rachel: Emma sitting on the counter, lips slightly parted while Amy applied a coat of bright pink lipstick on them. Sandra Green watched them with excitement and a digital camera in hand.
Though she was guilty of doing the same in the past, Rachel didn't exactly like the idea of someone else putting make up on her toddler, but she held her tongue. Truthfully, she was happy they were getting along, since it was so rare for them to have moments together this. So, she was just going to let it all slide. Besides, it was simply a beautiful scene: all five Green ladies gathered under the same roof to solve a crisis that deep down was a good thing.
She knew that after the initial shock, this baby was actually going to be a blessing: Rachel's very first real nephew or niece and another cousin for little Emma.
"Don't tell me you're in trouble too." Rachel teased Amy, who reacted with a scoff.
"Oh please. How stupid do you have to be to get pregnant these days?"
Rachel shot her a look.
"Excuse me?"
"I said what I said."
Rachel rolled her eyes but decided not to take it personally. Admittedly, if she didn't have actual experience in the matter, she knew she might have said (or at the very least thought) something along those lines herself.
The next morning, Rachel knocked at the door at Monica and Chandler's, where Ross would be meeting her to pick up Emma for some father-daughter time. But not before the pair spent some quality time with Aunt Monica, the twins, Aunt Phoebe little Sophie for their first official play date. Since she was in New York, she figured she might as well enjoy her time there to also see her friends, who were also very much family to them - both literally and not.
Monica opened the door with Erica on her arms, both wearing wide smiles and matching dresses.
"Oh wow. I guessed we missed the memo on the dress code." Rachel teased and Monica laughed.
"Erica insisted, even though it's 50 degrees outside." Monica explained. "I hope you guys have layers to peel off, it's quite toasty in here."
Rachel chuckled.
"We'll be alright. Hi honey."
They finally hugged and Erica giggled.
"Aunt Wachel!" She said in her cute baby voice, taking Rachel by surprise.
"Why yes." She chuckled emotionally this time. "It's aunt Rachel, sweetie." She looked down at Emma, who was watching everything while hugging her mother's legs with one arm. "And you remember your cousin Emma, right?"
"Emma!" Erica repeated and giggled again, making the adults laugh and Emma smile.
"OK, come in, guys, I'm freezing already."
Monica led them to the family room, where Phoebe already sat on a big mat playing trucks with Jack while Sophie napped on a playpen in the corner. Rachel's smile widened even more seeing her friend again, who she hadn't been able to see on her last visit because she was out of town for a family thing on Mike's side.
"Oh honey." Rachel choked up when she noticed the baby. "She's getting so big!"
The three friends spent the next hour having an absolute blast, reconnecting, and watching their kids do the same. This was the first time Monica and Rachel got to watch their kids truly playing together, the age difference between them seemingly no longer a big issue now.
At the exact time Ross told her he'd be stopping by, there was a knock at door.
"Oh, that must be Ross." Monica commented, rising to her feet to go get the door.
Rachel turned to Emma to see if that had captured her attention, and sure enough the little girl was watching the direction her aunt had taken closely.
"Where's daddy's little girl?" Came his voice from the corridor.
Erica and Jack perked up the minute he walked in, and both ran to their uncle with arms open wide.
"Unk Wossss!"
Ross hugged them both, but his eyes remained fixated on his daughter. Rachel noticed when he urged her to join the group hug by gesturing with his hands, and how Emma readily complied, a big smile on her face when her father squeezed them all.
"Hi sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head when he finally let them all go. "Oh, I love you so, so much."
"Daddy, I'm playing with Erica."
"Oh yeah?"
"She's my cousin." The little girl stated matter-of-factly, like that was news to him. They all laughed.
"Yeah, she is. So is Jack, you know?"
The babies giggled and Emma nodded.
"I know."
Ross' eyes left the kids to meet Rachel's and for the first time she noticed just how tired he looked. God, she hoped he was OK.
"Hey." He said with a truthful smile nonetheless, so she smiled widely back.
"Hey Ross."
They hugged.
"So, how's Jill? Have you guys talked to your father yet?"
"We're having lunch with him later. Jill is OK, but she woke up a bit nauseous, so she didn't come. I wanted her to be around some younger kids to get a better idea what she's getting herself into. Emma is so good right now; I'm getting the feeling she might be under the impression that this is going to be a lot easier than it actually will be."
Ross chuckled.
"Yeah, Emma makes it seem effortless like that." He beamed with pride.
"Hey, so, how's Dana?" Rachel asked out of politeness.
She knew Dana sometimes joined them when Rachel left Emma with her father and, though it could deep down upset her a little sometimes, she also sincerely wanted them to have a good relationship with each other. But the mere mention of her name brought back the cloud over Ross' head, which had disappeared momentarily while they were gushing over their daughter.
"She's good. She's away this weekend actually, on a wedding in Arizona."
Then it very quickly dawned on Rachel: the tone on Ross' voice when she told him about their last-minute trip to New York, it wasn't just surprise. He was supposed to be in this weekend getaway with his girlfriend, wasn't he? He probably already had plane tickets, a hotel room, and all kinds of romantic plans with her – all thrown out the window because of course he would cancel anything to squeeze in a few extra days with his little girl.
Rachel could only imagine Dana's reaction to the news.
"Oh." Rachel pondered briefly how to properly react, but her tone pretty much gave away what she was thinking. She and Ross shared a look. "Ross, I'm sorry I-"
"Hey, don't be sorry. She comes before anything." He said simply, motioning to Emma, back at playing with her cousins and aunts, giving the pair some privacy.
Rachel nodded because she couldn't argue with that.
"Yeah, OK."
"Anyway. I'm taking her to spend the day with mom and dad in Long Island, so we'll be close to your mom's. I'll call you if anything comes up."
Rachel nodded again, but for Ross' sake she hoped it wouldn't once again come to that.
"Sounds good."
Lunch with their father wasn't great, but Rachel could tell her being there helped. Though Jill was notably the least responsible of the Green sisters, the fact Rachel had gone through this herself weighted a bit on Jill's favor – if it could happen to Leonard's favorite, it could happen to anyone. And, just like Emma, in the end they knew this new baby was going to be another gift to their family.
Rachel was driving them home in Jill's Mercedes when her phone rang, and she quickly glanced at it to consider whether to pick up. Her heart sank when she saw Ross' name on the screen. She really thought this would be the time Emma wouldn't give him any trouble, she had been looking so at ease since their arrival.
"Hey Ross. Everything OK?"
"Yeah, Emma's doing great, but uh, something else happened actually. God, I hate to do this Rachel, but are you around?" The anguish on his voice made her heart begin to beat faster.
"I am. What is it?"
"Everything's fine but I need to take dad to the ER, and I need someone to stay here with mom and Emma."
"What happened to your dad?" Her tone rose a bit higher.
"It's not a big deal, he cut himself making paper hearts for Emma and because of his blood thinning medication he just will not stop bleeding. I'm afraid he's going to need some stitches."
"Oh my God." Rachel reacted, before looking around and thinking quickly. "Jill, honey, can you drive yourself home? I need to go to the Gellers' right now."
"Yeah. Is everything OK?"
The gentle concern in Jill's tone touched Rachel. Maybe motherhood was already having some effect on her.
"Yeah, it'll be alright. Ross, I'll be right there, OK?"
"Thanks Rach. I'm sorry, I just didn't want to alarm Monica, it would take her longer to get here and-"
"Hey, I'm happy to help, Ross." She cut him. "I'll be there in five minutes, OK?"
She heard him sigh in relief.
"Thank you."
When he opened the door for her, she was relieved to see the expression on his face was a lot more collected than she was expecting. Even better, she could hear laughter coming from the living room.
"Hey." She said and hugged him. "How are you?"
"Better. We were able to bandage dad's hand quite nicely, but I still think we should get it looked at."
"Of course."
"I didn't want to call Monica because she's going to get really worried, and it would take her longer to get here." He explained again.
"It's OK, Ross." She reassured him.
"Mm, you don't really need to do much, I just didn't want to leave mom and Emma by themselves. I mean, mom's OK, I'm sure she wouldn't by any means endanger herself or Emma, but…" Ross trailed off and Rachel nodded. She picked up his hand and gave it a squeeze.
"I'll keep them company. It'll be OK."
He looked at her silently for a few seconds with gratitude in his eyes before going on.
"I should warn you, her memory's really taken a turn for the worse lately. Mostly recent memory, so she might get easily confused."
Rachel nodded again, beginning to brace herself. But it was going to be OK, this was the least she could do for him, she thought.
"Alright."
They heard laughter again, so they walked together towards the living room and stopped by the doorway to admire Emma on the floor with both her grandparents. Ross chuckled when Jack held up a stuffed lion and roared for Emma, who giggled and reached out to grab the toy. Rachel turned her gaze from the beautiful scene to watch Ross and the true smile lighting up his face.
This wonderful man was out here taking care of everyone, but Rachel wondered if he was also being cared for the way he deserved. She hoped he was, and that he got to smile this truthfully when she and Emma were not around.
Once Ross and Jack were gone, Rachel sat with Judy on the family room while Emma entertained herself with a sheet of paper and some crayons near them on the floor.
"My mom said she ran into you guys at the club the other day and you guys had lunch together." Rachel tried to engage.
"Oh."
The look on Judy's face, however, clearly showed she did not recall these events but did not want to acknowledge that fact.
Damn it, why did she have to say that? Desperate to change the subject, Rachel grabbed the paper hearts chain near Emma's foot.
"So, I guess these are the culprits of tonight's misfortunes?" She asked. Again, Judy blinked at her expressionless, like she had no clue what she was talking about.
"I'm sorry, dear?"
Rachel bit her lip.
"Nothing."
In all her times interacting with Judy since her diagnosis, Rachel had barely even been able to tell any difference in her behavior. But tonight, wow. She was truly taken aback by how her disease had progressed. No wonder Ross looked more worried and worn out every time she saw him. She was lost in her thoughts when Emma rushed over to her.
"Maman, look. It's me and Nana and Pawpaw." The little girl explained, handing her a piece of paper with 3 separate blobs in different colors. Rachel smiled.
"Oh, great job, honey. It's beautiful." She kissed her cheek affectionately. "You wanna show it to grandma?"
"Look Nanna!"
Rachel's smile grew when she noticed the amusement in Judy's face.
"Would you look at that."
"This is you," Emma pointed her little index finger to the first shape "this is Pawpaw" the second "and this is Emma!" the last.
Judy looked down at the paper, then up at Emma and Rachel. She appeared to be genuinely touched.
"Oh, Emma. That's beautiful. Can we keep this and hang it on our fridge?" She asked and Emma nodded eagerly. "Thank you, sweetheart."
She hugged the little girl, who hugged her back with a huge smile on her face. Rachel warmed up inside knowing that this moment, simple as it was, was meaningful not just for Judy, but for her daughter as well. And the way things were going, who knew how many more of these they would still get?
Emma giggled when they parted and ran back to her mother.
"Maman, can I get some more lemonade?" She asked, pointing to the side table where a clear plastic cup with pink dinosaurs all around it sat next to a pitcher still half full.
"Of course, sweetie."
Rachel took the liberty to refill the cup and gave it back to the toddler. Emma waited for her to sit back down and took her place between her legs. Rachel smiled and kissed the top of her head, as the little girl happily sipped on her drink laying back affectionately against her mother.
"I always knew you'd make a wonderful mother to my grandchildren, Rachel." Judy's said, capturing her attention back.
Rachel looked at her and smiled, trying hard to not get teary eyed.
"Thank you, Judy." She said earnestly and then cleared her throat. "Grandchild though. Let's not get carried away here." She added in an attempt of some humor, which had the opposite effect as Judy's smile faded.
"You two don't think about having more?"
Rachel parted her lips in surprise but didn't know how to respond. Oh my God, she thought they were together, didn't she?
"I… I mean-" She struggled with her words but was cut by Emma tipping her cup too abruptly and spilling lemonade all over herself, Rachel's clothes and the couch under them. "Oh my God!"
They were done dealing with the mess and the crying child by the time Ross and Jack returned – and the issue of new grandchildren had long been forgotten. Emma had taken a shower, changed into her pajamas, and been extensively pampered by grandma, who prepared for her a special early dinner which she was just finishing when her father and grandfather entered the kitchen.
"Hey." Ross greeted them first. "Everything OK?"
Rachel nodded and then turned her gaze to watch Jack affectionately greeting his wife with some sweet words and kiss on her forehead.
"Yeah, everything's great." She said and smiled. "There was a small incident with the lemonade, but it's all been taken care of." She chuckled and motioned to Emma's pajamas. Ross chuckled back, catching her drift.
"Gotcha."
"Everything OK at the hospital?"
"Yeah, just a couple of stitches. Should be alright soon. Thanks again, Rachel."
Rachel simply nodded a response, so happy she could be of some help. She then turned her attention back to Emma and used a napkin to clean her lips. The little girl then put her spoon down and Rachel noticed all the food on her plate was now gone.
"Do you want anything else, sweetheart?"
Emma shook her head and stretched her arms out towards her mother, indicating she wanted to be picked up. Rachel worried this could be a clue she was getting clingy again and would possibly take issue with staying overnight without her, but indulged her for now nonetheless.
"So should I set an extra plate for dinner, Rachel darling?" Judy asked.
Rachel thought about it and smiled.
"If it isn't too much trouble."
Judy scoffed playfully and Ross chuckled.
"Nonsense. You're family, Rachel."
Rachel worried Judy would once again imply she was still romantically involved with her son, but when Jack nodded his head in agreement Rachel knew that statement was true despite the fact that she was not. She fought back emotional tears and nodded, not trusting her voice which was sure to break if she attempted actual words.
And it was a great dinner. Meals at her mother's usually consisted of carefully planned small portions that didn't taste like much – Sandra Green's strict diet plan was always the focus. At the Geller's, on the other hand, eating together was always so much more than just about nutrition and keeping one's body lean. It's one of the reasons why Rachel always favored their home in special occasions like Thanksgiving in the past - the main one of course being the loving family environment she did not have in her own household.
She couldn't help but also contrast this moment to her life in Paris. Yes, it's been great there, especially lately. But her friends in France, as much as they sometimes felt like family, were not. These people were.
The moment felt different too, but oh so familiar.
Ever since her move to Paris, coming to NY always felt strange because they were under such different circumstances now. It unsettled her at first.
Monica and Chandler's was not a lively apartment in the Village anymore, where their careless young selves came and went as they pleased. It was an adult house in the suburbs shared with two kids. She had only been able to visit Central Perk again once, with Phoebe, and it was strange knowing her friends wouldn't be walking through the door at any minute to join them. And it felt so deeply wrong that she hadn't been able to see Joey in so long, because coordinating her visits with his was not as simple as they imagined.
Yet, this was still great. This did not feel like the New York of her past, but it still felt amazing.
Rachel realized then it's not the place, really, and it's not the circumstances. It's the people. And these were her people.
After refusing Rachel's offer to help cleaning up, Judy and Jack cleared the table and started loading up the dishwasher together. Ross watched them.
"They don't want to give up doing the things they can still do." He explained. "I don't fight them. They like doing these things for us, you know?"
"Makes sense." Rachel agreed, thinking how this must be important for them after so many other small responsibilities are slowly being taken away from them.
"So, can I drive you home?" He asked.
Rachel thought about it and looked down at Emma on her arms, still awake, but holding on to her blouse tightly.
"Are you staying the night?"
"Yeah. Might as well stay here all weekend and it's also closer to your mom's. You're leaving on Monday, right?"
Rachel nodded.
"Yeah." She stroked Emma's bangs and noticed how she closed her eyes a little slower, her sleep eminent now but her grip still tight. She looked up at him and noticed his eyes were fixed on their daughter's writs. He knew what that meant too. "Ross, I can stay the night."
There was a glint of joy in his eyes, but he quickly shook his head.
"You don't need to do this, Rachel. Besides, your mom-"
"My mom had all day with us yesterday. She'll be OK."
"But-"
"Hey, Emma needs this. And they need it too." She said the last part quietly, tilting her head towards his parents' direction.
Ross kept his lips parted, but he couldn't find words to argue with that.
"Thank you, Rachel."
Usually in my stories Sandra Green lives in a condo in the city, but for the sake of this story let's say she didn't want to stay there anymore after Rachel left and so she moved back to Long Island. I'm sorry this has taken forever, but life's been busy. Hope people are still interested in this story, which should be wrapping up "soon". Thank you for your patience :)
And I know I mentioned before that I was on Twitter, but I just want to give an update that I am not anymore.
