Home is Not a Place
After her latest return from the States, Paris didn't feel the same for Rachel. Better yet, she didn't feel the same.
Her phone calls became longer and more frequent: she just needed to know how Jill's doctors' appointments were going, what little Sophie's newest milestones were and even all about the latest recipes Monica was testing at the restaurant.
Though time had passed and the distance itself was technically still the same, she never felt closer to New York.
Looking around Rachel could hardly contain the giddiness growing inside of her. On the outside, she looked professional as ever: calm, collected and so chic on the outfit she had so carefully curated for this occasion. On the inside, she was like a kid in a candy store.
Paris. Fashion. Week.
What a dream.
Last year she had been somewhat involved in this project at Louis Vuitton, and even just living in Paris during the event made her feel like a part of it. But this year she had been given a major role in the team and stood proudly watching their runway show successfully wrap up. It had been such a long week of hard work, on top of so many months of planning, which were paying off big time.
She glanced over beside her to look at Mark, who had flown in a few days ago. Though he also appeared collected, she could tell by the spark in his eyes that he too was overwhelmed with emotions. She thought back to their days assisting Joana at Bloomingdale's, those long nights solving little "crisis" that felt so distant and so silly now. She thought about how he'd been the one to offer her that job, and now this one too. And, sure, maybe she had him to thank for that, but she also knew she stood on her own two feet after being put in those positions.
He'd given her the opportunities, but she rose to the challenges all on her own.
His eyes met hers and he smiled.
"Great show, Rachel."
"Great show." She agreed.
The next day, at Rachel's request, both Caro and Mark joined her for lunch. Caroline placed her order first and then Mark watched with amazement as Rachel followed in an impressive French.
"Wow, sorry to be the asshole American who can't speak the language, but can I get the salmon with the spring salad, please?"
"Oui, monsieur."
The waiter collected their menus and left.
"Wow." Mark repeated. "I always knew you were the right pick for the position, Rachel, but I didn't know you would fit in so well in the country too. Don't get me wrong, I've always known you were strong, but I know this is no easy task. The six months I spent here a few years ago were, well, challenging to say the least. But you, you seem so at home."
Rachel smiled weakly. She's always been good at keeping up appearances.
"Come on now." She waved it off.
"Yes, Rachel, he's right. I've seen my share of Americans get crushed by this city and culture, especially in our industry. They come here with big dreams – and big egos – and very often it does not end well for them."
"Why do I feel like this is an off-hand attack on me?" Mark only half-joked, but Caro ignored him.
"But as I was telling Mark the other day, I'm quite impressed with your journey here with us."
Rachel bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath.
"Thank you both. I have really loved the past couple of years and all the experiences I've had here. You two have been so important in my journey, as Caro put it, and I just really wanted to acknowledge that first."
Mark furrowed his brows, wondering where this was going.
"OK."
Caroline nodded once, ever so elegant.
"So, the reason I asked for this lunch today is uh… Well, I have been thinking about it and I would like to be considered for a relocation to New York, if a relevant position opens in that office."
Mark's lips parted in surprise, but Caro's expression didn't change. She nodded again after absorbing the news.
"I can't say we are not going to miss you, Rachel, but I understand."
Rachel sighed softly in relief and gave Caro a wide, true smile – and she could swear she saw the hint of one on her boss' face in return.
"Like I said, this has been an amazing opportunity, one for which I'll always be thankful." She looked over at Mark. "But even though I may seem like I'm at home, no, this is not home. And I'm starting to really, really miss home."
Mark nodded slowly.
"I'll keep an eye out for you."
"Thank you." She mouthed to him.
Rachel left the restaurant feeling relieved and looked down at her cellphone on her right hand. She so badly wanted to call Ross and tell him the news, but until she had everything figured out, she thought it was best not to. She didn't believe anything would change her mind at this point, but you never know what might happen and it was best not to toy with his feelings right now. She would tell him in person, after giving it some more time so she could process everything herself.
But, still, she really wanted to talk to him, so she couldn't control herself and dialed his number anyway. After a few rings, he picked up.
"Hiii."
She didn't care for his tone very much.
"Hey, what happened? Is everything OK?"
She heard him chuckle softly on the other side.
"You got that from a hi?" He asked and she smiled. He really did not realize how transparent he could be sometimes, did he?
"You could have trademarked that hi by now, Ross." She joked. If he was making light of this, then it couldn't be anything too serious, right?
"I guess that's what I get for being so damn unlucky all the time."
"So, what happened?"
He sighed on the other side.
"Yeah, no, it's fine. It's just that Dana's dumped me."
"Oh?" Rachel stopped on her tracks because that was the last thing she was expecting to hear, especially phrased like that.
"Can't blame her. I haven't exactly been a great boyfriend, with everything that's been going on in my life."
"Hey, come on now."
"It's fine, Rachel. Listen, I actually wanted to talk to you about my next visit. I'm going to be busy this month with some stuff at the university, but I was thinking about coming over after that, when things settle down a bit more around here. Does that work for you?"
Rachel smiled. A month seemed like a good amount of time for them to digest both her decision to go back to New York and his recent break up.
"That sounds perfect."
Three weeks after her conversation with Caro and Mark about New York, not another word had been uttered about this matter in the office yet. On one hand Rachel knew she had to be patient, but on the other she was starting to worry about the timing of things. Her missing NY was something she could more or less manage, but there were other pressing matters that would simply not wait, like Judy and Jack's progressing conditions and her nephew's approaching due date.
Besides, the fact that this now felt so out of her control was unbearably unnerving, she needed to act.
Plan B. Yes, that's exactly what she needed: a plan B.
Rachel racked her brain for possible options. Should she consider touching base with Ralph Lauren to see how things were going there? They had after all offered for her to come back, along with a substantial pay increase too.
But the thought of returning to her old workplace didn't exactly excite her, so she decided it was best not. That could be Plan C.
Then she remembered that ill-fated interview she had with Gucci, the one which caused her dismissal from Ralph Lauren. God, she'd been so excited for that. Back then she hadn't had much time to dwell on it, since the Louis Vuitton offer came so quickly after, but now that she thought about it, it just felt extremely unfair that she hadn't had a fair shot at it. Their choice not to hire her had not been based on her and her abilities, but on the terrible circumstances in which she simply didn't have a chance.
Would it be too inappropriate to reach out to that headhunter now and explain herself?
Figuring she couldn't possibly make things any worse, she decided she could try. At least now she had 2 years of experience at Louis Vuitton Paris under her belt to elevate her resume.
She glanced at her phone though and remembered she had lost all her data the last time she got a new device, earlier that year. Rachel wasn't exactly tech savvy and having to do the process by herself had been extremely frustrating and ultimately a failure. She wouldn't find any NY number there other than her friends and family's, which she had gone through the trouble of painstakingly saving manually again, one by one.
But then she got another idea. Inside her junk drawer, she was glad to find her old Nokia still in there, alongside the charger. She plugged it in right away and turned it on.
PLEASE INSERT SIM CARD.
Rachel sighed. She was waiting for a call from Jill on her current phone so she couldn't afford to spare that one. But going through her drawer again, on the very bottom she found her old NY SIM card, and prayed this would work.
"Yes!" She celebrated quietly when she was granted access to the old device.
She was able to find the guy's contact number quickly – he had called her a couple of times and they exchanged a few texts confirming details of their lunch – and after the details were written down on a piece of paper, Rachel couldn't help but get sucked into going through more of her phone, scrolling through old texts from her friends and seeing some call logs. Boy, it all felt like a lifetime ago, even if it's been just over two years now.
In the middle of her little trip down memory lane, she also found something she wasn't expecting: a voicemail that's never been opened, one that in fact she'd never even seen before.
It came from Phoebe's phone, the night she left New York.
Huh.
Rachel hit play and glued the phone to her ear:
"-voicemail, here." She was whispering, apparently to someone else. "Come on!" She then heard a high-pitched shriek which sounded suspiciously like Ross, followed by sounds of a car braking and a couple of aggressive honks.
"Phoebe!" She heard Ross' distinct voice this time, followed by their friends' sigh.
"Sorry! OK, Rachel, we really need to talk to you. If you hear this before your plane takes off, please give us a call, OK?"
Beep.
Rachel lowered the phone and furrowed her brows. What the hell was that about?
The following Saturday, Ross arrived in Paris for a weeklong stay. To say Rachel had spent the last few days since her discovery dissecting Phoebe's voice mail would be the understatement of the year. Though many scenarios formed in her mind, one of those possibilities of course stood out in her mind, and it both excited and saddened her at the same time, with the same intensity.
The minute Ross hopped off the cab in front of her house, her eyes were laser focused on him, as if searching for anything that would give her any clues. But, of course, even though that night had been on the forefront of her mind for the past few days, for him it had happened so long ago now – and so much has happened since.
If anything, what she saw today in his eyes had nothing to do with that night, and everything to do with his more recent struggles.
And though he looked tired, his eyes still softened when they landed on her and their daughter.
"Hey Rach."
"Hey..."
"Hey sweetie."
He knelt to hug Emma first. The little girl smiled and walked into her father's arms.
"Hi daddy."
When they embraced, Rachel took the liberty to squeeze him a little harder and let her mind wander a little farther.
He let her go and turned to their daughter still on his arms, kissing her cheek and smiling widely at her.
"What do you wanna do today, Emma? I just had three expressos on the plane to wake myself up. I need to run three marathons to wear them off now. Care to join me?"
Emma giggled.
"Daddy, you're silly!"
Half an hour later, they were at a nearby park with Lisa and her kids.
"Rachel, you're staring."
"What?"
Lisa chuckled and motioned her head towards Ross at the playground with the kids. Rachel realized what she meant and couldn't exactly fight her on that, so instead decided to go ahead and finally break the news to her friend.
"Honey, I have to talk to you about something."
"Sure, what it is?"
"Oh God… I uh, I had a talk with Caro recently and I told her I want to be transferred to New York. I'm also in contact with a headhunter just in case no positions come up in our office there, I want to have options." She said simply and watched her friend's face for her reaction.
Lisa's expression remained the same for a few seconds, until she picked up Rachel's hand and smiled truthfully.
"Go get him."
Rachel smiled weakly. Lisa knew exactly where this was going.
"You know it's not just that though, right?"
"I know. There's your family and your friends, it's your home." Lisa stated and Rachel nodded. "But there's him too. And you deserve this."
Rachel teared up. Her friend didn't have to say too many words to convey so much.
"Thank you." She said as she embraced her. "I'm going to miss you so much."
"Me too."
After a few tearful seconds, they broke their hug.
"Have you talked to him yet?" Lisa asked.
Rachel turned her gaze to Ross.
"No, not yet."
"Maybe it's time you two finally sit down and have an honest conversation."
Rachel chuckled.
"That's never been our strongest suit, you know."
"Something tells me a lot has changed since the last time you tried it. Maybe this time will be different."
Rachel nodded and tried to recall when the last time was that they tried talking about them seriously. She remembered her goodbye party and how she'd decided to skip his goodbye completely because she could not handle having that conversation. And when she'd been confronted by him, how she completely blew up because how dare he misread her so completely.
"You know, for the past week, I've been replaying my last 24h in New York in my head nonstop."
Lisa looked curious.
"Why is that?"
Rachel took a deep breath before starting. It was a long story.
"On my goodbye party, the night before I left, I pulled all our friends aside, one by one, to give them individual goodbyes. We were so close for ten years, so it was nice to have this special moment with each one of them. Well, all except him. I didn't have the guts to say goodbye to him like that, so I didn't. I just, I couldn't. And so, he rightfully got angry and confronted me. But then I got angry because he made it seem like I hadn't done it because he didn't mean as much to me as the others when it was actually the exact opposite." Rachel took a deep breath. "But after some yelling, he uh, he kissed me…" She paused for reaction when Lisa widened her eyes. "And then we slept together."
Lisa grabbed Rachel's arm.
"You slept together just before you moved here?"
Rachel nodded and gave her friend a little pained smile.
"I couldn't stay the night obviously because of Emma, but he came to see us first thing the next day. Once we were alone, he kissed me good morning, just like a small but intimate kiss. But this was not really something we would do after a one-night thing, you know? We talked briefly about what had happened the night before and how wonderful it had been… Not just the sex, it was more than that. The whole experience was just…" She trailed off. There were still no words to do it justice. "And then I very clearly remember saying to him that it had been the perfect way to say goodbye."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Rachel bit her lip before going on. "And then… Flashforward to present day… I was going through my old phone the other day and I found a voicemail from the night the I left, one that I hadn't seen or heard before."
"Oh?" Lisa was pulled in again.
"I can't- I don't know exactly what to make of it, but it seems like he and one of our friends were trying to get hold of me, after I'd already left to the airport."
Lisa widened her eyes again.
"Why?"
Rachel raised her shoulders slightly.
"I don't know. They never brought it up, but it sounded important."
"Do you think…" Lisa started carefully. "Do you think they were… maybe… trying to stop you? That he was going to ask you to stay?"
The fact that this was Lisa's first assumption comforted Rachel.
"I don't know? Maybe?"
Lisa thought about it and decided to ask:
"Would you have stayed if he had?"
"Yes." Rachel answered after pondering about it for only a couple of seconds.
"Wow." Her friend reacted.
Rachel nodded, knowing this was big.
"I've always wanted him to do something like this, you know? To come out and confess what he was feeling for me. Before we got together, I told him once that he never seized the day, because he liked me for a long time and he never voiced his feelings, I had to learn about it from another friend of ours. And now I find out that maybe he was finally going to do it? But maybe he just missed the moment and then… Well, things happened. And to think of all that could have happened in these past two years. I mean… I know I'm lucky I had this. It was great and I enjoyed the whole experience as much as I could. But…" Rachel paused, knowing this was the biggest truth of all. "My heart longs for New York, you know? And for him."
Lisa smiled and nodded.
"Well, selfishly, I'm glad you came. But I'm also happy that you're now giving yourself another chance at this."
Rachel nodded back.
"I just hope it's not too late."
Lisa chuckled lightheartedly.
"OK, I'm going to play along and pretend I don't notice the way that man looks at you, Rachel Green." Rachel chuckled and warmed up inside. Sometimes it was the people on the outside who saw it better than they ever could. "But, right now, it seems like he has a lot on his plate. So maybe you can be the one to be honest and confess your feelings, loud and clear?"
Rachel nodded.
"Maybe I can."
They spent the rest of their day together focusing on Emma, while Rachel ran possible lines and scenarios in her head. This talk would have to wait until their daughter was worn out and down for the night, which allowed her time to think and enjoy these last few hours before the moment of truth. She was very aware of the fact that, if they were in fact finally going to be loud and clear about their feelings, this would make or break them for good, there would be no more wondering "what ifs".
After little Emma was tucked in, Ross and Rachel sat together on the couch in her living room and shared a bottle of wine. First came the usual catch-up talk: his father's last scans, an attempt at a lighthearted take on his mother's latest mix up, Monica and Chandler's suburban life, Phoebe and her family, Joey's newest roles in L.A., Rachel's family and how their dynamic was evolving now that Jill was going to be a mom…
"Can you believe how much has changed over the past couple of years? I mean, Jill with a baby?" Ross mused.
"I know." Rachel agreed. "But it just goes to show that change can be good too."
Ross looked at Rachel and she caught a glimpse of sorrow in his eyes. What the hell was she saying? The changes all around him the past few years have mostly been for the worse – his parents, being one of the few left in the city, his daughter thousands of miles away and now dumped again.
"Sure." He sort of agreed nonetheless.
"I mean, for Jill." She clarified. "I know motherhood won't be easy, but I think it will be good for her. I already see a lot of change in her."
Ross nodded again.
"Yeah, being a parent changes you."
Rachel nodded back and was reminded then she needed to thread very carefully. Ross had been through so much, the last thing she wanted was to make things worse.
So, she decided to assess his state of mind first, she didn't want to spring too much on him if he was still too vulnerable.
She put a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze.
"How are you, Ross?"
"I'm fine."
Rachel shook her head. Not that damn word again.
"Hey, come on. Talk to me."
Ross pursed his lips and then took a deep breath.
"I mean, am I bummed about the way things ended with Dana? Sure. Was I surprised? Not at all."
"What happened?" Rachel asked gently, though she figured she more or less already knew the answer.
"You know… Baggage. This was now what she signed up for. Heck, it is not what anybody signs up for."
"That's not true, Ross. When you're with somebody, you sign up for everything. For better or for worse, right?"
"It's not that simple, Rachel. It's not like we were married. No, I didn't marry this one." He added in a lousy attempt to lighten up the mood, but both only managed a sad smile in response. "Besides, it's not just the stuff with my parents, it's everything. I mean, who uses up all their vacation time to fly off to Paris - not with her, but to see their ex-girlfriend and their daughter? Basically all my free time is spent with my family. If I'm not here, I'm with Ben or with my parents or Monica and the twins and there's just not enough room left for much else, you know? I don't blame her. There's not enough time left for me either. I let myself go and…" He looked away and trailed off, while Rachel's heart broke again a little.
She would be lying if she said she hadn't noticed the changes in his body. His biceps were not as defined as they once were, she couldn't make the outline of his chest when he wore a light shirt anymore. Of course he didn't have as much time to take care of himself and hit the gym like before, and she knew that in their late 30s time just wasn't very forgiving. All their daily choices had a greater impact in their physical appearances now.
But none of that mattered. He had always been so much more than that to her.
She reached out for his hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Hey, you're a wonderful, wonderful man, Ross. You're so much more than what you're going through right now and if she couldn't see that then it's her loss." She said and noticed how he nodded without looking at her, the words probably not sinking in. "I'm not just saying that, Ross."
He finally looked at her. After a few seconds, he gave her a half smile and nodded.
"Thanks, Rach. Honestly, it's fine. I'm OK. I guess it's a good thing we didn't even have the chance to evolve whatever this thing was. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would when it ended. In a way, it was a relief. One less thing to worry about right now, you know?"
"If she wasn't there to give, only to ask…"
Ross shook his head.
"She had her own needs, and they weren't being met. I can't blame her for wanting more."
Rachel couldn't help but smile. She had to admit she loved that side of him, who defended and still wished his exes well. She knew he had always been like this, he's never spoken ill even of Carol, who had hurt him so deeply in the past. And this is exactly what allowed them, Ross and Rachel, to remain close after all they've been through, so they had the opportunity to try this again and again – and now hopefully one more time.
"Anyway, enough about me. How about you, Rach? How are you?"
Her insides froze, this was her cue.
"Good." She took a deep breath. "Very good, actually. And there's something I really need to talk to you about."
Ross looked intrigued.
"OK."
He looked deep into her eyes, and she used the wonderful feeling it stirred in her to fuel her courage. Here we go…
"Well, I-"
But in true Ross and Rachel fashion, they got interrupted when his cellphone rang. He glanced at it and sighed.
"Sorry, I need to take this, it's the university. Today's the deadline to post this thing online and I left my TA in charge. It should be quick."
"Alright."
She watched as he picked up his phone and retreated to the balcony, his tone friendly.
She looked at the coffee table in front of her and realized her wine glass was still half full – the bottle they had opened on the other hand thoroughly empty, as was Ross' glass. She figured she could use some alcohol induced confidence and drank the remains of her share and then decided to use the bathroom and freshen up before the talk, especially since Ross was still going on and on about the university portal and login passwords.
She hadn't changed since their outing this afternoon, so she was still wearing an oversized sweater with a pair of nice khaki trousers. Her style had changed since coming to Paris, now favoring comfort but never compromising style. The light make-up she'd applied earlier had mostly faded by now, but looking at her reflection she didn't feel the need to touch up. She simply ran a hand through her dirty blonde hair and sighed at her own reflection.
Stepping outside she noticed Ross was finally off the phone. He was leaning on the balcony railing just watching the view – and what a view that was for her.
An unexpected warmness overtook her. As ready as she was to be vulnerable and finally bare her feelings to him, she wasn't expecting just how right this moment would feel.
This apartment, in this night, with this man. It was finally a home.
She smiled and slowly walked outside to join him, fighting the strong urge to throw her arms around him and kiss him right there. So many words needed to be said first, she knew that now.
Still, best she could manage to restrain herself was to come far enough that only their arms were touching. They stood side by side in silence for a few seconds.
"It's so beautiful here." He said, his voice soft.
"Mhm." She agreed.
Her eyes then left the view to inspect him. From his faint stubble to his beautiful long lashes and his full lips. Yes, it was all so beautiful.
He noticed he was being watched and looked at her.
He smiled – a friendly smile, nothing really romantic about it – and she smiled back.
"I don't think I ever told you this before, but Paris really suits you, Rach." He said, much to her surprise. "You look great."
And though his tone wasn't particularly seductive either, her heart swooned anyway.
Their smiles reached their eyes and there it was again: the pull. One she simply could not deny, or resist, anymore.
Yeah, they needed to talk. But damn, he'd just made that nearly impossible now.
Before she could lean in and kiss him herself, however, his lips were already on hers.
And the second they met, it was magic. Like it never really felt with anyone else, when it was always just fine. But this was more than fine. This was butterflies, fireworks, all the clichés Rachel could think of – and everything she had been missing for the past two years.
She opened her mouth and kissed him back hungrily, arms quickly wrapping around his neck, fingers running through his scalp.
But as quickly as it started, it was over. He stepped away from her and hastily ran a hand over his face.
"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
Rachel opened her eyes and parted her lips, still moist from his.
"No, it's fine. Ross-"
"We can't keep doing this Rachel."
It took her an extra second to understand what he meant, his arm subtly gesticulating towards the empty bottle of wine inside the apartment. She would have been mad, except his tone was not accusative, instead it was the sound of utter defeat.
Was he drunk? Is this all this was for him? A stupid drunken rebound thing because he was heartbroken?
Her own heart sank.
But with resolution, she realized she could – and should – speak for herself and her own state of mind. She was determined to lay it all out, after all.
"It's not like that, Ross. Not for me, anyway."
He still would not meet her eyes, so she reached out to touch his forearm.
"We need to talk." She said softly. "There's so much we need to talk about."
He finally looked at her, but then shook his head.
"It doesn't matter, Rachel. I'm leaving in just a few days and it's going to break me all over again." He paused and she could tell he was debating whether to say more, and she wanted to give him the space to speak too. Ultimately, he decided to go on. "When you left, you said what happened between us that last night was the perfect goodbye. But the truth is it just made what was already a difficult situation a thousand times harder for me. So, let's not make matters worse again."
Rachel's heart pounded madly in her chest.
He did care.
"Last week I found an old voicemail in my old cellphone, Ross. From the night I left. What happened?"
The surprised look on his face spoke louder than any words she thought she would ever get out of him.
"Wh-what did we say?"
"It doesn't matter. What were you trying to tell me?" She pushed, but he just looked away. "Talk to me, Ross."
She saw a tear roll down his face and it was only when a sob escaped her that she realized she was crying too.
The intensity of it made him look back at her.
"I was going to ask you to stay." He confessed.
"What?" She asks out of shock – not of the content of the confession, but because she couldn't believe he'd admitted it.
"I was selfish, and I wasn't thinking." He looked down, visibly ashamed. "I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't apologize, Ross." She said firmly. "I would have stayed, you know?"
Ross inhaled sharply, as if stabbed on his chest.
"Please don't say that, Rachel. Let's just forget it, OK? It's a good thing we missed you, this was for the best."
"Says who, Ross?" Her tone rose a bit higher, she just couldn't help it.
He looked at her and sighed.
"Says who?! Look at all of the shit that has been happening on my side, Rachel. And then look at you here, thriving over this side of the world. This is how it should have always been."
Rachel shook her head. There's her effing ability to seem perfectly happy and content on all occasions again. She put a hand on his cheek and turned his face so she would look at her again.
"Ross, I'm moving back to New York."
He looked surprised and for a split second she could swear there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. But with a single blink it was gone.
"But you can't."
"What? Why?"
"You can't walk away from this, Rachel. Every time I see you since you moved here, you're just, you're so…" He took a few seconds to find the right word. "You're radiant. You can't give that up."
"Ross…" She started, but he cut her.
"I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't thought about moving here myself, after you left." Her eyes widened in surprise to know this was something he'd considered. "But then my parents and-and Ben..."
Rachel touched her chest and breathed in. There would be time to unpack that later.
"I understand that. But Ross… I want to go back. For me. For Emma. I've already talked to my boss and everything, a whole month ago. I was just waiting to tell you in person. I'm not all that happy here. The reason I may seem radiant whenever you see me, it has nothing to do with Paris." She paused for a few seconds and looked straight into his eyes. "It's you."
He grimaced and brought a hand to his face, fingers pressing hard on his pulsating temples.
"You don't need my mess in your life, Rachel."
She removed his hand from his face, and they looked at each other.
"Ross, I may not need it, but I want it. I want to be there for you. I want to be with you." He remained silent, but his eyes were welcoming, so she went on. "Over the past couple of years, every time I see you I just… I feel…" She sighed, trying to think of the best way to put her feelings into word. "I feel home."
He finally cracked a small smile, and she smiled back at him. It was possibly the corniest thing she'd ever said to anyone in her life – but also the truest.
Yet he still looked reluctant, because he felt like he couldn't just let her give it all up.
"Rach…"
"This has been an amazing experience, I'm not going to deny that. Truly amazing. I'm really proud of myself and what I've been able to accomplish here. I got to have everything only to realize that it's not what I want for the rest of my life. I want the chaos that is New York city. I want my best friends, my family. I want you, Ross. Your love and everything that comes with it, good and bad."
Ross watched her for a few seconds before leaning in and kissing her deeply.
Fireworks.
Rachel relaxed into his embrace and kissed him back. After they broke, they hugged tight, swaying slowly in each other's arms.
"I love you, Rachel." He whispered into her hair, and she smiled impossibly wide, tightening her grip around him even more. She hadn't heard those words from him in so long and hearing them again felt even more powerful than the first time – or any other that followed. She burrowed her face in the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent.
"I love you, Ross." She whispered back.
She felt a little chuckle from him more than she heard it, like he too was being hit by the intensity of this moment.
"Does this mean you're willing to give this another try?" She asked sweetly.
He chuckled more audibly this time and broke their hug to look at her. He was smiling adorably, in a way that never failed to melt her heart.
"I'm willing." He answered with a nod.
She grabbed his face and kissed him again.
It would be a long road ahead, she knew that. But, for now, this was all the assurance she needed to know they were both finally home.
Phew. This was long. And it took forever, I know. I wrote and rewrote this last part so many times. Initially this "scene" was going to be very different, but it just didn't feel right. I also "blame" FANiston143 for setting the bar so high with "Home". Wow, what a story. It so good it makes me look at this and think it's total crap. But I wanted to give this closure, so crap is what you get, lol. All jokes aside, I just love the fact that there are other R&R writers out there. Not many, but the few that we have are just so amazing, they make up for the quantity with the quality of their words.
Anyway. Do I know what happens in Paris fashion week? Nope. So, I avoided as many details as I could. Also let's not overanalyze how Rachel was able to hear that voice mail. This was like 2004-2006 stuff and I have no idea how the technology for this works/worked. Just go with it.
There will be an Epilogue now and then that is it. Story ended up being longer than I first intended, but at least it didn't get out of control. Let me know what you thought of this chapter and hopefully see you soon!
