Standing on the dock as usual, Chris opens up the episode.

"Last time on Total Drama Island: Our competitors became hunted, some way more than others. Some became hunters, looking at you Heather and Noah. Owen's game was way off, but he was blindsided worse when he found out Noah founded their friendship off complete bull. Cody made a new friend, who quickly beat the crap out of him, resulting in his medical evacuation from the island. Harold was finally able to wow his team into having full confidence in him when he took home the gold and won the Killer Bass immunity, but did Duncan seem resentful? I think most resentful might be the Gophers - who are sitting at two losses in a row. Yiiikes."

The montage of last episode's clips ends. "Will the Gophers be able to turn their losing streak back on the Bass? How on earth did Noah get so lucky? And what's in store for newfound lovers Gwen and Trent? Find out all this and more on the newest exciting episode of…

Total.

Drama.

Island!"


The theme song plays over an intro sequence.

The first shot depicts Wawanakwa in full, leading up to a giant cliff and zooming past McLean as he sips a coffee before diving into the water below the cliff.

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine.

You guys are on my mind.

We see Ezekiel under water, watching Geoff and Bridgette with a downtrodden look on his face, both of which are staring longingly into each other's eyes until an eagle picks Geoff up by his shoulders and carries him off. Bridgette tries to reach for him, watching him fly away with concern.

You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see

I wanna be famous.

The eagle drops Geoff down as it soars past the sun. He falls down a few tree branches before landing in DJ's arms, who seconds prior was enjoying nature and the copious animals around him. The animals get violent and attack as soon as their peace is disturbed. DJ and Geoff scream as the former runs with the latter in his arms away from the vicious animals.

Duncan laughs hysterically at the scene, but Courtney glares at him with disapproval, causing him to stop.

I wanna live close to the sun

So pack your bags cause I already won.

Heather is in a canoe with Beth and LeShawna going down the stream. Beth is in the middle, trying to separate the two from dueling. The canoe ends up careening off of the stream and down a waterfall, which makes the teens fall to the water below, passing by Harold as he practices a few fighting poses on a dangerously positioned log overlooking the falls. As he stretches his arms and legs out in a dorky position, Izzy swings in on a vine and knocks into him, bumping directly into an outhouse housing Lindsay, who falls out with her skirt around her ankles.

Everything to prove

Nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

Cause I wanna be famous.

Inside the mess hall kitchen, we see Chef preparing some disgusting green soup with his bare hand dipped into the pot. He looks behind him at a tied up Owen and Noah, both looking petrified of whatever Chef is concoting for them. In the mess hall itself, Eva arm wrestles Tyler, easily beating him and dislocating his arm.

Outside on the beach, Sadie and Katie coo over Justin, who is looking at himself in between two mirrors. He winks at one, his teeth glistening.

Na-na-na-na-na-na

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

We get a good look at the polluted, muggy, teal waters of Wawanakwa, a few seagulls fighting over a cellphone. Katie swims for it, with Sadie watching from the sand anxiously, but the skinny brown clone of her best friend ends up being terrorized by a shark and swims back to shore as fast as she can.

I wanna be, I wanna be

I wanna be famous!

Back on the dock of shame, we see Justin strut to the edge before ripping his shirt off, water from the shark splashing towards Katie drenching his perfectly chiseled muscles. He flexes as the camera goes up and transitions from day to night, then comes back down at the campfire ceremony.

I wanna be, I wanna be

I wanna be famous!

Trent is playing his guitar for Gwen, who is entranced by him. He leans forward, a warm smile on his face. As they inch closer, Cody gets between them and places a hand on both of their shoulders, smiling dorkily. The rest of the cast whistles the chorus of the theme song as the camera zooms out to capture them all sitting around the bonfire. The logo appears above them.

Total Drama Island:

The Creeps Cut

Created by VoiceFromUnderTheCovers and Crimson Candy.


Pretty, near perfect tan hands turn the valve of a shower on, followed by two more. The sound of water hitting the tile floor fills the room, as well as the mist of steam that coated the mirrors by the sinks. Lindsay opens the door to the girls' bathroom, spotting LeShawna and Heather right on time. She waves to them.

"Thanks again, girl." LeShawna greets with a shoulder tap, heading inside. Heather stops at the door, smiling strangely enough.

"What's got you in such a good mood, Heather?"

"You, silly! Not only are you starting the showers without being asked for once, but your manipulation of Cody last episode practically gave us a win on a golden platter."

"I… Thank you."

(Confessional: Lindsay)

"I just want to repeat for everyone back home who thinks I'm some kind of strykopast: I never intended for Cody to get hurt! Nobody deserves to get mauled the way he did, not even for barbecue chips."

(Confessional end)

Heather walks past Lindsay, her head held high. "You're welcome."

Lindsay follows shortly after. About twenty minutes later, the other campers show up, and as usual Courtney, Gwen, Sadie and Bridgette have to wait their turns. Gwen steps in place impatiently, her arms folded with the hardest glare in her eyes. Courtney rolls her eyes before knocking on the door. "Come on, people, this is ridiculous!"

"I know, right? It's a camp bathroom, not a beauty salon."

The door to the guy's bathroom opens. Trent steps out, his hair still damp but the rest of his body engulfed by ripped, black jeans and a leather coat overlaying a sleeveless band shirt. Gwen can't help but stare, her scowl at her situation turning slowly into a smile. He smiles back, approaching her. "Good morning, babe. Sleep good?"

"Like crap. But thanks for asking, babe." She pecks him on the lips. Bridgette and Sadie let out an 'aww'.

"So, you two are going steady now?" Bridgette asks.

"That's soooo good for you! You two are adorbs!" Sadie chirps. Courtney seems mildly uncomfortable.

"Thanks, Sadie." Trent grins, wrapping an arm around Gwen. "Hey, wasn't there a line this exact length when I went in?"

"Ugh, yeah, get this, Heather is in there again with LeShawna and Lindsay hogging the bathroom."

"We all need to shower. Yesterday, Chef kicked us out of our cabin for termite fumigation. We didn't even know they were there." Bridgette adds.

"Yeah, that was wild, I saw. I think the Bass boys had the same problem."

"But the showers were also under maintenance, so here we are, itchy, uncomfy and totally out of patience!" Sadie says. Suddenly the door opens, revealing the queen bee herself. Heather looks at the girls' frustrated expressions and immediately reads her next move.

"Finally." Courtney states, hands on her hips.

"Ah.. there's nothing that can beat that hot shower in the morning. I feel like a woman reborn. Sadie, you look like you could use a refresher. Wanna step in and feel your skin glow?"

Stunned, Sadie points at herself in disbelief. "Me? Really?"

Courtney goes wide eyed, completely over the moon. "What?! We got here way before her!"

"Yeah, step aside, Heathen. It's our turn." Gwen insults, trying to walk past Heather only for Bridgette to grab her wrist to restrain her.

"Guys.. chill. She offered it to Sadie, and if Sadie wants to take it-"

"Deal!" Sadie skips jollily forward, hugging Heather. The other girls, aside from Bridgette, glare at her.

"Sweet! It's the one in the far right with all the privacy, so please do enjoy." Heather says, rubbing the girls back.

"Thank you sooo much, Heather! Oh my gosh, are you gonna do your make-up too?" She let's go of the hug.

Heather pats her head. "Sure will. You wanna chat?"

Sadie smiles ear to ear. "Totes! Bye, ladies!" She waves the other girls goodbye, running into the bathroom at full speed.

(Confessional: Heather)

"Why Sadie, you may be asking. Well, I have a good feeling that merge is only a few episodes away, and when that happens, I'm gonna want someone from the other team to be able to back me up. Courtney hates me, Bridgette's too smart, so that just leaves Sadie. She's like a more codependent Beth."

(Confessional end)

"And what about the rest of us who still need to shower before today's challenge gives us another insect infection?" Gwen questions.

"You'll have to wait for LeShawna and Lindsay." She squeezes Gwen's cheek. "Sorry, girls, the early bird gets the worm! You understand." Heather closes the door on them after letting go. Gwen rubs her cheek.

"Ugh! She's such a bitch!"

Bridgette gasps. "Gwen! We do not call each other that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's degrading to her gender - to your gender! Girls shouldn't fight, we should be united as one."

"Sure, whatever you say, hippie."

"Okay, that was uncalled for." Courtney says, standing between them.

Trent puts a hand on Gwen's shoulder, playing mediator. "Ladies, relax. No need to kick up a fuss over some spilled milk, okay?"

Bridgette closes her eyes and sighs. "I'm gonna go find another place to shower. The negativity around here is killing me." She walks away, pissing Gwen off even more.

(Confessional: Gwen)

"Bridgette needs to get off her high horse and smell the roses sometime. The roses smell like bear poop and mold."

(Confessional: Courtney)

"I could have calmed Bridgette down myself, but I don't need to. That girl has better control over her emotions than even some politicians do. If she wants to talk about it, we will."

(Confessional: Trent)

"Back in freshman year, I remember this one dorky guy, Leo. He was a quiet kid, but polite, sweet when you got to know him according to this girl Brianna. Well, they were going out, right, but Brianna ended up cheating on him with this jock named Steve. Leo was pissed. They shared a gym class together, and that's where Leo striked. I mean literally, he stabbed the dude's balls open with a pencil. We still can't look at him below the waist without him crying. Anyway, pranks in the shower are always the easiest and most effective. I think I have a solution to Gwen's problem."

(Confessional end)

"Look, you're not mad at Bridgette, right?" Trent asks Gwen, a hand on her shoulder.

"I am. She doesn't understand what the hell she's even saying half the time, and the other half she's so ignorant she can't even-"

Trent puts a finger to her blue lips. "Gwen, honey, no. You're not mad at Bridgette. Who are you mad at most right now?"

"Heather." She doesn't skip a beat. Trent smiles.

"Right. Now, Heather started this. How is she going to end it?"

Gwen looks confused, calming down a bit. "I.. have no idea."

"She won't. From now on, you have complete control over the situation. Why don't you strike her where she's most vulnerable, most at peace?"

"In the shower? I'm not going to assault her just because I'm pissed. I know my boundaries."

"No, no assaulting necessary. I'm talking about swapping pipes." Trent answers.

Gwen scoffs, looking away. "Tch, like anybody knows how to do that. Do you know how to do that?"

"Well.. no. But think about how terrifying it would be if she was showering, and one second it's clean, hot water and the next it's cold, sludgy sewage?"

Gwen can't help but smirk at the image of Heather being calm, peaceful and happy before getting buried and dirtied by waste. "It is a nice thought. Hypothetically, how would we do it?"

"I know how." Courtney says, breaking her silence. Gwen and Trent look back at her, both surprised. "What? I was a CIT. I did every job. Every job. Even the plumbing when the lazy, good-for-nothing plumber fell asleep on the very john he was supposed to be fixing."

"Are you, Courtney the CIT Princess, telling me that you want in on this? You're like the most uptight person on the island." Gwen asks in surprise.

"I am not uptight. Besides, I want warm showers back, too." Courtney objects.

"Alright, Courtney! Let's do it." Gwen enthuses, pleasantly surprised, raising her hand for a high five, which both Courtney and Trent take.

In the girls' bathroom, all three showers go off, whilst Heather does her make-up.

"Oh my gosh, who else is in here?" Sadie asks from the last stall.

"Hey, girl, welcome to the greatest shower experience you'll ever get on this sucky island." LeShawna greets.

"Hiii, Sadie!" Lindsay exclaims.

"Lindsay and LeShawna! Hi gals! This is the greatest water I've ever felt hit my skin!"

"Mine too! Especially after, like, four weeks or something of cold, grimey sewer water." Lindsay replies.

Heather smirks, adding flicks of mascara to her eye. "So, Sadie, got any juicy Bass gossip to share with us? You know, just between us girls."

Sadie doesn't hesitate. "Oooh, yasss! Okay, so you know-"

(Confessional: Heather)

"It's almost boring how easy it is to manipulate these 'wannabe' types. Beth was desperate for any kind of attention, and Sadie too. When merge hits, I'll have twice the size of my original alliance and nobody but Gwen, and maybe Courtney rooting against me. If they even make it that far."

(Confessional end)


In the boys' bathroom, Geoff shaves his face in the mirror while DJ finishes giving Bunny a bath in the sink. Noah and Owen step out of the shower at the same time, both acknowledging each other with an awkward bit of eye contact before taking separate paths to the changing quarters. Duncan combs the last of his mohawk, playing with his knife in his free hand. The blade jumps around his fingers, elegantly avoiding scraping his skin as it dances around his palm and knuckles, somehow ending up in his clenched fist by the end of his routine. Geoff and DJ watch in amazement.

"Woah.." They say in unison before giving Duncan a quiet round of applause. He smirks proudly.

"Nothing doing, boys."

"Where'd you learn how to spin blade like that, bro?" Geoff asks.

"The same place I learned everything I know." Duncan answers.

"Prison?" Guesses DJ.

"No, the police department." He corrects.

"What's the difference?" Geoff asks.

The guys laugh just as Harold leaves the changing stall, dressed in his usual burger shirt and vomit green pants.

"Hey, what's so funny?" The dork asks.

"Heyy, H-man. You wanna see something cool?" Geoff says.

(Confessional: Harold)

"This is so refreshing! I actually feel like one of the guys. Maybe my luck is finally turning around." Harold grins happily.

(Confessional end)

Duncan does another knife trick, this time tossing it up into the air before pinching the blade with the base of his fingers in a way that leaves the sharp side untouching his skin. Then, he bites the handle and throws it up into the air, lowering his tongue so his tongue piercing catches the knife and hangs it. The boys gasp, clapping once more.

"Ain't that cool, man?" Geoff asks.

"Sure. Can I try something?" Harold asks with a smile.

"Knock yourself out, dorkus. But if you end up breaking my knife, I'll be using it to disembowel you and your skid maker."

Harold rolls his eyes, taking the blade from the criminal. "So graphic, yet without the tact of typical slasher gore."

"Like you'd know anything about that. Just get on with it." Duncan replies.

"Watch, my illustrious audience, as I perform the ultimate trick of escapist trickery!" Harold flings the knife into the air, causing it to spin around. Meanwhile, his free hand is placed on the sink counter, all of his fingers spread out. Once his right hand catches the blade, he stabs the space between his fingers, reminiscent of a game of five finger filet. On the fourth strike, when all the guys (sans Noah and Owen) are looking quite impressed, the blade suddenly bends in a way it's not supposed to. Their faces collapse.

"Uh oh." Harold turns to see Duncan pull back his fist, punching him square in the cheek. Harold falls to the other side of the bathroom, sliding down the wall as Duncan kicks him in the stomach with his knee, continuing to wail on his face with the fury of a chimpanzee, hatred in his wild eyes. Geoff and DJ plead with him to stop. Shirtless Noah and Owen peek out of the stalls in shock. Eventually, when blood is pouring down Harold's nose and lips, DJ and Geoff drag Duncan off of him in a full nelson, his body heaving.

"You piece of fucking garbage! That was my knife!" Duncan barks loudly, kicking his legs aggressively. Harold covers his face whilst looking at his attacker with fear, his body shivering.

"Dude! That is not cool! Look at him!" DJ yells.

"Let me at him, DJ! He broke my fucking knife!" Duncan struggles, though not blinded enough by rage to attack his friends.

Geoff holds him back. "Dude, we can get you another one, it doesn't have to be this way-"

"No. You. Can't!" The ex-con finally shrugs them both off, glaring daggers at Harold's feeble body.

"Okay, okay, my bad! It must be valuable to you, chyeah?" Geoff questions cautiously. DJ gets down to Harold's level after collecting some paper towels and alcohol and starts cleaning his face.

"Yeah.. It is. Which is why HE needs to pay!" Duncan points a finger right at him, his eyes widening.

"He's suffered enough!" DJ shouts back.

"No, he hasn't." The criminal hisses.

Harold speaks up. "I'm sorry! I-I didn't know it was so weak!"

Duncan tries to lunge at him, but this time Owen and Geoff hold him back.

"Easy there, tiger!" Owen says nervously. Duncan gives up, exhaling deeply.

"Let's uh, wash up those hands, okay?" Geoff turns on the sink, guiding his friend's hands to the running water.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"If Harold thinks I'm gonna let my knife go unfixed for the next six weeks, he's got another knuckle sandwich to get hungry for. He's either fixing my knife, or ending his time here with one shoved down his throat."

(Confessional: Noah)

"And I thought Heather was mean and nasty. Yikes. I feel bad for that guy's parents."

"What was that, pipsqueak?! You want some too?!"

The confessional door opens, and Noah screams in a high pitched, girlish voice.

(Confessional end)


Bridgette places a bag of toiletries down on the grass. She finds herself deep in the woods near a running waterfall, the same one from the intro of the show. Making sure to block off the steam with a broken log so she doesn't get swept away, the blonde goes au natural and strips bare naked, grabbing a bar of soap and a towel to hang on a tree branch before stepping into the flowing spring. She sighs, rubbing herself down in a moment of peace.

As she closes her eyes, her hair cascading down not dissimilar to the waterfall on top of her, she finds herself drifting into daydreams, where she sees a blurry outline with a cowboy hat. The outline slowly fills in with more and more detail - finely sculpted muscles, flowing blonde hair, a chiseled, sharp chin and beautiful ocean eyes, all kept together with only a leaf covering his unmentionables.

HOOOOOOOOONK!

Bridgette falls down into the water. "Ow!'

"Contestannnts! Get yo butt's down to the mess hall for breakfast before I smoke you out and drag you here!" Chef commands. Bridgette rolls her eyes.

(Confessional: Bridgette)

"In school, girls always start drama around me, or involving me, and I hate it. I never participate or say anything anymore after the incident where Cindy Lu threw a hotdog at my face for defending this other girl. My friends always help me out and deal with bullies like that, but here my friends are a part of drama, too. I like them, but It can be a lot of toxicity to deal with at once. The only ones free from all that stuff are Geoff and DJ. At least they're sweet."

(Confessional end)


In the mess hall, Chef is finishing a disparaging looking egg salad pot, setting it down on his counter, then plopping it in several bowls for the disgusted contestants to eat. A line forms to pick up the slop, and we cut to everyone sitting down.

Noah is the last of his team to arrive at the table, holding a bowl with a depressed look on his face. At the table, Owen has a free spot next to him, however he can tell by the fact that Heather is leaning over the table that she's saying something to the team. Gwen and Trent aren't listening, opting to make out on each other's laps instead.

"...So take anything he says with a huge grain of salt." Heather whispers.

"But salt is tasty. I dunno.. I feel like maybe we should-"

Heather shushes Owen just as she notices Noah listening in. "We'll talk later. Noah, care to sit?"

"Whatever." He sits down next to Owen, on his right. Sticking a spoon into the pasty concoction. Owen seems to be wolfing it down, sweat beading down his forehead and temples. A joke hatches in Noah's brain.

"What do you think this salad is really made of? Chef's 'special' cheese?"

Silence. Noah looks down, dejected, while Owen resists the urge to laugh, biting his bottom lip.

(Confessional: Owen)

"I shouldn't be talking to Noah right now. He played me like a fiddle, and ate me up like a piece of delicious pizza.. But I really, really want to. I feel so horrible for ignoring him, but shouldn't I stand my ground until I'm fully comfortable? Ugh, conflict resolution is hard!"

(Confessional end)

Lindsay instead replies. "You know what the recipe for this disgusting gunk is? Can you, like, get Chef a better one?"

Noah sighs, resting his chin on his hand. Across the mess hall, Heather notices Sadie waving at her with a hushed giggle and waves back innocently. Noah turns back to see who she's waving at and looks back at Heather with annoyance. "What can I say, Noah, it's good to have friends in unlikely places." She winks at him. That's when Chris walks in with that classic sadistic undertone of a smile.

"Goooooood morning, campers. I can practically smell the tension in the air today. Duncan, you got a call from your parole officer, dude. It'll only take a second."

Rolling his eyes, Duncan wordlessly stands up and walks outside, taking Chris' phone much to the confusion of the Bass girls. DJ notices their confusion and whispers, "He went to town on Harold over here 'cause he broke his knife."

"Seriously? I thought you fell down some stairs." Courtney says.

"You actually bought that? It's a classic cry for help, gosh!" Harold barks, rolling his eyes.

Courtney resists the urge to punch him herself. "Well excuse me for listening to you. How bad was it?"

"He nearly broke my glasses. I'm lucky he went for my lips and nose, mostly."

Bridgette puts a hand over her mouth. "That's terrible, Harold!"

"Dude, if you want him to stop being so aggro at you, you might wanna fix his knife. He told me that's the only way he'd go easy on you." Geoff warns.

"No way. That guy is a total asshole. In fact, if we lose this challenge, I vote to eliminate him! Courtney, he flirts with you constantly and it's totally uncomfortable for you." Harold starts.

"Not totally~" Sadie whispers, only to be met with Courtney's foot kicking her in the knee. "Ow!"

Courtney sighs. "Yes, but-"

"And DJ, you agree that he's way out of line. Geoff, Bridgette, you're way better at leading challenges than he is."

Geoff looks around uncomfortably. "Uh, thanks, Harold, but-"

The boyscout turns to his chubby friend. "And Sadie, you're terrified of him!"

Sadie hugs herself. "I.. I guess that's true."

"None of us have anything to gain from keeping him around. So we won't. All in favor?" Harold puts his hand in the middle of the table.

Everyone remains silent as Duncan walks back into the mess hall. Saved by the bell. He sits down next to Harold and glares daggers at him. The other contestants look anywhere but at him. "So.. dork boy. I'm gonna give you a proposition. I can't lay the smack down on you.. In public. If my knife isn't fixed by the end of the day, you'll be experiencing every time in your pathetic dork life that you've been wedgied, noogied, titty twistered and charlie horse'd. Understand?"

Chris clears his throat before Harold can object. "Is everyone done with breakfast?"

"Most of us don't even wanna start." LeShawna quips. Chef growls from the kitchen before mumbling under his breath and walking away.

"Good! In that case, follow me to the beach."


On the beach, Chris stands in front of the two teams. "Every morning, a truck rides up to deliver Chef the ingredients for his meals."

"What is it, a pesticide van?" Noah sarcastically mocks.

The truck pulls up from the water, driven by a dolphin wearing a hat. Noah and Heather look at one another with an expression of shock.

"For your challenge, you'll be cooking a three course meal for mwah. Each team will have an appetizer, main course and dessert, and each will be judged by me from a point scale of 1-10. Whichever team has the most points by the end of the day, wins!"

Sadie raises her hand. "Excuse me, Chris, will there be any rewards for winning this challenge?"

"Good question, Sadie. The winning team will be given a huge reward: full access to my jacuzzi suite for the next three days, which includes access to my hot tub, mini fridge and dance floor!" The crowd roars with cheer. Chris folds his arms and smirks confidently. "I know, I'm too generous."

(Confessional: Trent)

"Okay, I know we've been on a bit of a losing streak here, and I'm partially to blame for last episode, but a jacuzzi? A dance floor? Dude, I bet Chris has beer too! Me and Gwen need that reward."

(Confessional: Harold)

"Universe, you've given me a chance. Thank you."

(Confessional: Geoff)

"Partaaayyyy! WOOOO!"

(Confessional end)

The back of the truck opens to reveal a near limitless supply of ingredients. Dairy, meat, candy, flour, spices, fruit, vegetables, pasta, butter, grease in a bucket, you name it. The contestants shuffle into the back and sort through everything. Behind them, Chris continues. "You have until dinner time at 5:00, which gives you just about five hours. Good luck!" Hopping on an ATV nearby, Chris rides out of there.

Heather shoots her hand up. "I call head chef! All in favor?"

"As long as we all get to pitch in ideas, sure." LeShawna replies.

"I second that!" Lindsay speaks up.

"Ugh. Fine." Noah mutters, folding his arms outside of the truck.

"It's not like you have much say in the direction we go in. You basically got voted out last time." LeShawna comments, picking up a can of pineapples.

(Confessional: Noah)

"I may be a ghost on the team now, but I plan on surviving much longer than anyone else here..! Oh, who am I kidding?"

(Confessional end)

"Let's just grab as much as we can and head back to the kitchen." Heather states, picking up a box of wine.

"No theme in mind?" Gwen asks.

"I'll think of something. We all will." Heather smiles, watching as her teammates follow her orders blindly, including Noah who has no choice. The Gophers leave with large boxes in their arms, heading towards the mess hall. Just as Heather passes Courtney, she speaks to her. "Oh, and Courtney, before I go, you should know that dating a delinquent probably isn't the best look for your future." She winks, nudging her on the shoulder before passing her by. Courtney gasps.

"Dating a what?! Mind your own business!"

"Just looking out for a girl in trouble!" She disappears, tailgating the rest of her team. Courtney shakes in frustration, walking up towards Sadie with hell in her fists. She points a jagged finger into her back.

"You!"

Sadie squeaks, turning around. "Oh, hi Courtney! What's got you so upset?"

"If you tell that treacherous, shower hogging bitch anything else about me or the team, especially if it's false information, I will personally boot you off the show. Got it?"

"Oh, um.. Sorry. It's just that, it's such juicy gossip, the drama between you and D-"

"Zip it! Just zip it." She walks away, leaving Sadie dumbfounded.

(Confessional: Sadie)

Looking sad, Sadie looks down at her phone. "If Katie were here, I wouldn't have to find friends on other teams to gossip with. And if Courtney were nicer, maybe I wouldn't have to gossip with other girls. I miss you, Katie..!" She waves at the camera.

(Confessional end)

Duncan watches as Courtney walks off the truck furiously to let off some steam, smiling. DJ and Geoff catch him, smirking.

"Duncan, dude. I know that look." Geoff says.

Duncan immediately stops. "What look?"

"You know, dude. The look of a guy head over heels." DJ adds.

"For who, Courtney? Psht.."

The guys give him a suggestive look. He rolls his eyes.

"Okay, you got me. She's hot, I wanna bang her, what can I say?"

"It's a whole lot deeper than that, dude." DJ muses, picking up a tin of paprika to inspect it.

"Chyeah, you look at her the same way I look at Bridgette."

Wanting to change the subject, Duncan does. "Speaking of you and Bridgette, you two make out yet?"

Geoff shrugs/ "Nah.. I mean, I've had summer flings before. You guys know how it is."

The two look at DJ. "Well, I understand."

"But.. I really like Bridge. She gets me, and I get her. She's not the fling kind of girl, you know? She's like.. Awesome. In a way I'd wanna stay with for a while, you know?"

"Yes, Geoff, we know." Duncan says with a nod.

"It's just kinda hard, 'cause I haven't been in a real relationship like.. Ever." Geoff reveals.

"Never?" DJ questions.

"Nah. Haven't you heard that song from the Beach Boys?" The surfer dude asks.

"No, I'm not 70." Duncan replies dryly.

"Hey, guys, look!" Harold yells, holding up a circular piece of dough. It wobbles between his hands.

"Oh wow, dough. So impressive." Duncan sarcastically insults.

"No, not just dough. Pizza dough! We could make some wicked pie's for Chris' dinner." Harold replies.

"I dunno, Harold, sure you won't bend the dough the wrong way?" The criminal continues his mockery.

"It was a simple mistake, gosh! Just get another knife." Harold barks back with a scowl of his brows.

Duncan furrows his eyebrows and balls his hands into fists again. Geoff and DJ remain on top of him in case he freaks out. "I. Can't. Get another one like that one."

Geoff gets between them. "An Italian theme could rock regardless."

"We're not doing anything this little turd suggests." Duncan hisses, folding his arms as he turns his back on the ginger. Harold snaps.

"Fuck you, Duncan. The only reason people even listen to you is because they're afraid of you."

There's a silence after the Bass gasp. At that moment, Harold was the boldest person on the island.

"This is getting out of hand.." Bridgette says, backing up uncomfortably.

Courtney walks back in to check out the commotion, asking Bridgette what's going on.

Duncan scoffs, turning to look at Harold and his shocked teammates. "I have friends. I mean- who needs friends?"

"It's a lonely life without them." Harold spits.

Geoff stands in the middle of them. "Look, look, let's relax, guys! We'll go with a killer Italian theme, alright? Instead of pizza, we'll go with spaghetti and meatballs. And uh.. Antipasto. Okay?"

Duncan just walks away. Harold nods. "I can agree with that."

"I think we found our head chef." DJ adds, fist bumping Geoff. Bridgette smiles at him, appreciating his mediation skills. The team grabs some boxes and heads out.


The Gophers arrive at the kitchen first, with Heather coming in at the tail end. "Okay, before I throw out my orders, does anybody have any suggestions for courses?" Heather questions.

LeShawna raises her hand enthusiastically. "Ooh, girl, for sure! I can make an orange pound cake that would knock the socks off the devil!"

"Good call, LeShawna. Sounds delicious." Trent says.

"Oh my gosh, that sounds killer!" Heather adds.

Noah grins, stepping into the conversation. "Hey, I know we're all agreeing on this here, but when I was a kid, my mom and I would bake upside down pineapple cake. I'm no professional, but I'm pretty sure it's the best on the planet."

There's a pause between the girls (and Trent) before LeShawna speaks up. "Um.. I'm allergic to pineapple."

Heather is on the offensive. "Yeah, Noah. I'm sure you knew that from eavesdropping on our girl talks, you degenerate. Why don't you take supplier duty and go get us some sodas?"

"I- I didn't know!" Noah stammers.

"Mhm. Sure, whatever you say." LeShawna says with a shake of her head.

Noah turns to Owen. "Owen, please, you have to believe me!"

Owen looks at the faces of his teammates before looking down at the desperate Noah. "Well.. I don't think you're capable of being that horrible. You're not evil."

"Tell that to Sadie and Katie." Heather passively mutters.

"Heather.." Noah growls.

"Go on, you're on supply run duty." Heather shoos him away. "Go get us some spicy sauces and more fancy cups. I'm thinking of the appetizer, we go for flaming drinks."

"Ooh, just like in those groovy tiki bars!" Lindsay exclaims.

"Exactly. I guess."

Noah looks dejected at Owen, who also seems apologetic as he watches his smarmy friend walk back to the truck. He opens his mouth to speak again, holding the crate of oranges LeShawna needs. "Oh come on, guys! I'm sure he could make a slammin' desse- woah!" Slipping on a puddle of grease by the stove's during his speech, Owen slips and breaks the crate, sitting on the oranges and crushing them instantly. Everyone looks at him with shock. Heather resists the urge to shout and runs up to comfort him.

"Oh god, Owen, are you okay?"

"Uh.. I'm uh.. Sorry.." He mutters in response.

"Aww, it's okay big guy. Why don't you go get some more oranges from the truck while we get started on dinner plans?" She rubs his shoulder until he stands up.

"Yes, ma'am." Ashamed of himself, Owen walks back outside, in the same direction as Noah.

Heather stands back up and faces her team. "Right. In the meantime, let's assign jobs before the Bass get here: Lindsay and Trent, I want you two handling the drinks. LeShawna, Gwen, take care of dessert. I'll be handling dinner, which I have already thought of."

"What is it?" Trent asks.

"Only my favorite food: spare ribs coated in slick, sweet barbecue sauce." Heather answers proudly.

"Woah, that sounds pretty good." The punk guitarist compliments.

"If Chris leaves any left, I'll be sure you get some leftovers." She smiles big and wide.

"You don't need any help with that? You'll be fine on your own?" LeShawna questions.

"For sure. Don't worry. Just get the preparations ready for your delicious dessert, alright? Let's get moving, people!" Heather orders sweetly, bending down to pull the dead pig in a box she grabbed. As the teams disperse, Gwen grabs LeShawna's wrist and whispers into her ear.

"Watch out for her brown nosing. She's trouble." Then she let's go, leaving LeShawna concerned.

(Confessional: LeShawna)

"Look, I like Gwen, but Heather has been real good to me these last few weeks. I don't wanna betray homegirl.. But I shouldn't have to, right? Anyway, there is something about Heather that has been worrying me. She's a little.. Too nice. I don't like that. Then again, it's a nice change of pace from what I'm used to from the popular girls at my school."

(Confessional end)

The Bass finally enter through the same door the Gophers came in, coming in from the back of the mess hall and into the kitchen. Duncan lags behind his team, glaring daggers behind Harold's back.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"I won't lie, I haven't been that pissed since juvenile hall, and that was like three weeks ago. That knife? It.. doesn't matter. I just need to teach the nerdling a lesson, and get my blade back while doing it."

(Confessional end)

Geoff stands in the middle of his team on the left side of the kitchen. "Alright, so we've got like, three courses and six people. So, everybody partner up!"

DJ raises his hand. "I know how to make pasta sauce!"

"I know how to boil pasta." Bridgette adds, the two high fiving.

"Me and Sadie can rock the antipasto. I'm like a black belt when it comes to cutting cheese." Harold volunteers, being met by the laughter of his peers immediately. "What?!"

Even Sadie laughs, causing further confusion from Harold as he quiets down frustratedly. Duncan, standing next to Courtney, smirks at her. "Well, princess, guess that leaves you and me on dessert details."

Everyone on the Bass' eyes meet Courtney's. "Oh no, no way!"

"Come on, Courtney. For the team." Geoff says, himself and DJ fluttering their eyelashes like cartoon fairies before she rolls her eyes.

"Fine. But get my outfit dirty, and I'll ruin that choker of yours."

"Oh, I'd like to see you try." Duncan winks.

(Confessional: Courtney)

"He's totally unmotivated. And he never washed his hands. He's so obnoxious," The footage is fast forwarded from here, about five more minutes of confessional tape being used for Courtney's madly defensive tirade against Duncan. "...And don't even get me started on his hair."

(Confessional end)

Barely able to hold his luggage, Noah returns with crates of alcohol.

(Confessional: Noah)

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss Geek Squad. I feel even more exposed than the time my squad in Unreal Alliance got picked off one by one by some elitist hacker dipshit who used to be in our team before he became a complete jackass. I didn't, of course. Hopefully it'll be the same way here."

(Confessional end)

Noah sets the alcohol down on the table. Heather snootily raises her nose as she works on carving her bird. "You finally did something useful, I'm impressed."

"Don't patronize me, Heathen." Noah spits.

"See, your name IS Heathen!" Lindsay says, pointing at Heather.

"Shut it, Lindsay. Hehe." The innocent act swings back as soon as possible. "Trent, Linds, why don't you start with the drinks? Don't forget: a dash of hot sauce, and a flick of pepper may just bring these drinks up from an 8 to a 10."

Trent shrugs, pouring a glass of vodka in one wine glass while Lindsay pours some white wine in another. When both glasses are filled up, they copy Heather's instructions, except Lindsay adds a dash more than necessary. Heather doesn't notice, as she's busy preheating the oven. She and Courtney exchange a look - then Courtney exchanges a smirk with Gwen. Heather, confused, looks between the two before getting back to work.

(Confessional: Heather)

"That was weird. You don't think.. No. No way."

(Confessional: Gwen)

"I cannot wait for tonight. I just wish LeShawna wasn't so heavily involved with this bitch. She's a seriously good person, and I feel like she might get caught in the crossfire. Lindsay will barely notice."

(Confessional end)

Trent takes his lighter out and lights the drinks, a burst of orange igniting the circumference of the glass. Lindsay lets out an "Oooh."

"Alright, nice. That's one dish down. Anyone up for a taste test?" Trent holds up a pair of straws. Gwen happily strolls over and takes one, slipping it into the wine while Trent puts his in the vodka. They both sip, recoil at the wild taste and nod in approval.

"Good going, babe." Gwen compliments, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Thanks, honey." Trent responds, kissing her forehead. Heather rolls her eyes.


Two Hours Remaining…

Owen runs out of the truck of food with a crate of oranges, panting like a marathon runner as he takes a shortcut between the cabins to get there, accidentally falling into a pitfall on his way. He holds onto the orange crate with the power of the jaws of life, trying to get himself unstuck. "Ah!- C-come on now, body, don't fail me now..!"

As he yanks himself out, a pop is heard before a termite locks eyes with Owen. He goes wide eyed as several more crawl out and all over his body, each one tickling his skin and hiding under his clothes. He jumps up in horror as he's bitten over and over, running back into the kitchen.

"Get them off of me!" He screams, tripping over the kitchen floor on his way in. The orange crate launches out of his hands. Trent shoves Gwen into LeShawna's arms before the crate slams into his forehead, knocking him out. Luckily, all the oranges stay inside the crate, which is unbroken. Both teams surround Trent.

Gwen gets down on her knees and throws the crate off of him, shaking him. "Trent? Trent?! Are you okay?!"

"Ah, man… that's uh.. A concussion I think." He passes out. Gwen looks back to see Chef running in with a stretcher, her face scrunched in worry. Chef picks the guy up and wheels him away without a word. Then he comes back, dousing Owen in extinguisher fluid to kill the termites as he scratches his body over and over, shuddering on the floor with Noah coming to his side.

"If any of you dumbasses die in my kitchen, have the common decency to make sure it's not because of a fire. And if you leave a mess, clean it up. Or else.." Chef grows, leaving for real this time.

(Confessional: Heather)

"Okay! Things are going perfect, aside from Owen's termite infection and Trent's concussion, which means he's out of the challenge. But still, this win is totally ours!" She facepalms.

(Confessional end)

Duncan comes back into the kitchen after mysteriously disappearing whilst Courtney filmed her extremely long confessional. Holding a bucket full of mystery meat, he gives Harold a wedgie before filling his pants with the strange beef and pork combo.

"AH! Gross!" Harold immediately grabs at his butt. To his shock, Sadie and even Bridgette are laughing at him behind their hands. He turns a light pink.

"Aw, bummer. Better go change, dude. Come on, Duncan, be a team player." Geoff nudges him in the shoulder with his elbow, holding back a laugh.

"Sorry, Geoff, I got butter fingers." Duncan says, grinning.

(Confessional: Geoff)

"Look, I'm not saying Duncan's completely in the right. But Harold kinda has it coming. Dude shouldn't have broken another dude's knife."

(Confessional end)

"Don't worry, man, I'll cover for you." Geoff assures when he notices DJ's disapproving gaze.

"Whatever." Harold says, shoving Duncan as he walks out the door.

"Fix my fucking knife, and we won't have another meat related incident, dork!" He shouts. Courtney walks in just as Harold walks out.

"Okay, what did I miss this time?"

"We're just getting started." The delinquent answers carelessly.

"Only now? Ugh, I guess it's for the best. Get the rolling pin ready." Courtney orders. Duncan follows them.

On the other side of the kitchen, LeShawna smells the air as her dessert bakes, the smell intoxicating. Or was that the alcohol? Meanwhile, Gwen looks out the window worriedly. LeShawna puts a hand on her shoulder. "You can go see him if you need to."

Heather overhears this and takes her head out of the oven, closing the door so her ribs could cook. "Um, no she can't."

Gwen and LeShawna turn to face her, with Noah listening in the background and Owen prepping the barbecue sauce for the ribs at the counter, a simple microwave job. "Why not?" LeShawna asks.

"Because we need all hands on deck here. Trent will be fine. We might have to face another elimination if we lose here. We're already down a player."

(Confessional: LeShawna)

"You see, when she said all that about preventing Gwen from seeing her injured boyfriend.. That's when I had my suspicions."

(Confessional end)

Noah stands up from his chair. "Then let me help with the dessert. I told you, I know desserts. It was uh.. The only thing my mom showed me how to do."

"You'd take over for me?" Gwen asks cautiously.

"Sure. I'm going stir crazy anyway." Noah nods.

"Gee.. thanks, Noah. Are you alright with that, LeShawna?" Gwen asks.

"As long as string bean follows everything up to my word, we're good." LeShawna answers.

"Yeah, I can do that." The bookworm confirms.

Gwen leaves the kitchen in a hurry, while Noah takes a stand next to LeShawna. Heather hides her frustration by squeezing Lindsay's long hair. "Um, Heather, you're kind of pulling my- hair!"

(Confessional: Owen)

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm really proud of Noah! That was a great play! On the other hand, I think people are kinda mad at me.. So sorry, Trent! You know I didn't mean it! It's just that Heather kind of scares me.." He whispers.

(Confessional end)


Harold searches through his wardrobe in the guys' side of the Bass cabin, throwing shirt after shirt over his shoulder in search of some new pants. He's dressed in only his red underwear. "Shirt, shirt, shirt…" He pulls out his cowboy PJ's. "What the..? This is all I have left? Ugh, Duncan! Fine, whatever." He closes his wardrobe and slips it on, putting his shoes on before running out the door.

Bridgette chops up some tomatoes on a cutting board, wearing a white apron she found in the pantry as she does so. Her technique is superb.

(Confessional: Bridgette)

"Back at the beach, my friends usually have me do the cooking because I'm so good at making tasty, accessible food. You'd be surprised how much vegan or vegetarian stuff tastes like crap in the wrong hands."

(Confessional end)

DJ stands next to her, mixing something in a bowl. Bridgette is too distracted to even question the smell of mayonnaise coming from said bowl, watching Geoff as he looks over with a tilt of his hat and a stretch of his arms. Sadie works next to him, finishing up the antipasto thanks to him. Geoff walks by, whistling merrily. He gives Bridgette a suave look, which she returns with a smile. DJ pours his concoction into a bigger bowl in front of them as well as the peppers he was dicing before whispering, "I think he digs you."

"Yeah? Maybe. He is kinda cute." Bridgette responds.

Geoff, leans against a support beam casually, grinning at the two. DJ senses love in the air and walks over to Geoff, swinging his arm around his friend's shoulders, gesturing for him to make a move and gently pushing him into her work station. She continues chopping tomatoes.

"Hey." He greets.

"Hey!" She greets back.

She continues chopping. Geoff smiles."You know, you look good when you're cooking dinner."

"Thank you." She replies.

"Kinda like my friend Evan's really hot mom."

She drops the knife. "Excuse me?"

DJ jumps back in, his voice squeaking. "Geoff! Buddy! Why don't you go get some more tomatoes?"

"Right, will do! Later, Bridge." He tilts his hat up again, shooting finger guns at her before walking mindlessly towards another box of fruits. Bridgette shakes her head.

"See, he's cute but he's always saying weirdly misogynistic stuff. You think it's internalized?"

DJ sighs. "Look, Geoff's my friend, but even he hasn't been super open about his past with me. I think he's just.. New to this."

"A guy that handsome?" She asks, shocked.

DJ chuckles. "You gotta start somewhere."

"I guess.. Would you talk to him about it? Maybe tell him to stop saying stuff like that?" The blonde requests.

"Soon as we got down time, for sure."

"Thanks, DJ."

"No prob." He smiles.

(Confessional: DJ)

"Just because I'm covering for my boy doesn't mean I support him supporting Duncan's bullying. I do think Harold kinda has it coming too.. I mean, what if Duncan's Momma got him that knife? You never know what's going on in someone's personal life. I think he just needs a big hug."

(Confessional end)

Duncan pushes the rolling pin somewhat aggressively over the dough. Courtney watches critically. "Careful your big paws don't mess up the pastry."

"Careful your uptight butt doesn't curdle the custard."

"Oh, hahaha." She mocks, rolling her eyes in the direction of… Harold's bulge. "AH!" He had just walked in from the dining hall.

Harold stands there awkwardly, the gross bulge in his horsey pajama bottoms shown off to his entire team. "I have nothing else to wear because SOMEBODY has it out for me!"

Chris peaks over the fence door leading to the kitchen, noticing the gross sight immediately. He cringes before clearing his throat. "Two hours and counting, guys."


Final hour.

On the other side of the kitchen, LeShawna and Noah take the orange pound cake out of the oven, the former wearing oven mitts as she lays it out on the counter. Noah covers it in tinfoil.

LeShawna takes a smell of the finished product. "Ah, just like auntie used to make. Good call to take it out around now."

"Thanks. Really." He genuinely smiles back.

Harold packs the antipasto into a presentable little culmination on a black plate. Though his skill in setting up the meal to look fancy is kick-ass, his jammies stink like sweat and musk. As he tries to vent to Sadie, she has to plug her nose.

"It's just, doesn't anybody remember Eva? Everybody voted her out for being aggressive, why can't we do the same to Duncan?"

"I see.. Yeah, you make a point.."

"Right? I'm just so sick of being pushed around by society. Sometimes I wish I was a cowboy. I'd be so cool, riding on my trusty steed Applejack as we soar through Equestria on a journey to stop the evil Van Dam gang. I'd be an honorable cowboy, like the great Arthur Morgan-"

Sadie coughs. "Harold! Your pants smell really bad.."

Harold stops what he's doing, overhearing the laughter between Duncan and Geoff. DJ smacks both of them upside the head. "Go fix what you're doing! It ain't right. Otherwise, no more wingmanning for either of you."

"Alright, alright, chill DJ." Geoff whispers/

"DJ's right." Duncan says, walking up to Harold.

"He is?" Harold and Geoff say in unison, surprised.

Duncan places a condescending hand on Harold's shoulder. "If you go into the cabin, you'll find a clean pair of pants and underwear waiting for you."

Harold leaves, speed walking out the door. When he reaches the guys' cabin, he spots his classic green pants and a pair of Spider-Man underwear lying on his bed. "Finally.." With a smile on his face, he slips the clothes on after ditching his PJ's. Back at the kitchen, Duncan and Geoff laugh hysterically, much to DJ and Courtney's confusion. They hold hot sauce in their hands whilst holding on to each other.

Szzzzz…..

Harold looks down at the intense burning feeling over his genitals and ass.

"MY BISCUITS ARE BURNING!"

Jumping up and down, he sprints into the dock lake, diving in as the smoke from his pants emits from the water. "Ah… Idiots!"


Harold returns, wearing nothing but the tightest, smallest pair of Batman undies you've ever seen. His team gasps.

"Nice undies." Duncan mocks, clapping alongside Geoff as he walks towards his station. Even DJ was snickering at this point. The only one who didn't seem to find it funny was Courtney.

"This is all I've got left.. So if you sickos want to see me buck naked? Hit me with your best shot." Harold states.

"I wouldn't have to do any of this if you just fixed my knife like I told you to." Duncan replies.

Harold glares at him. "I told you, I'm not scared of you! I won't do it." He folds his arms, closing his eyes.

"Well, I tried." The delinquent shrugs, while his dessert partner fills out the pastries by herself.

Geoff grabs a plate of sandwiches. "Hey, guys, check it out! I made some sandwiches, we can totally chow down while we work."

"Aw, sweet, I'm seriously starving." Harold grabs a sandwich out of Geoff's hand as he offers it, biting into it pretty much instantly. Duncan looks at Geoff with a smirk, the surfer grinning back. Harold's expression quickly turns to one of disgust. "This tastes like sweat and lotion.. It's probably the worst sandwich ever." He takes a look inside, swallowing when he sees his underwear in between cheese and deli meat. "Gross!" The sandwich drops to the floor, his entire team laughing.

"We'll return all of your shorts and panties when you admit your guilt, dude." Geoff says, taking a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs created by his friend and crush before turning towards the door. Harold looks down in shame.

(Confessional: DJ)

"That was not funny!.. Not.. one.. Pfft- Ha-!"

(Confessional end)

Geoff continues. "Alright, DJ, Bridge, help me set up? You too, Sadie. Harold.. Er.. best if you go take a shower, man."

"Screw you all! You're all a bunch of idiots!" He storms off, leaving the mess hall entirely, flashing Chris his bare buttcheeks as he walks towards the cabins. McLean gags before looking at the camera.

"Are the Bass' entrees better than their staff's dress code? I sure hope so."


In the Gophers' side of the kitchen…

"Is it lunchtime yet?" Owen asks tiredly, leering over the barbecue sauce he made like a starving hyena.

"No, Owen. We're almost done here." Heather impatiently responds.

"But I'm so hungry.." He whines.

"Just a few more minutes, big guy. Then you can chow down." LeShawna replies.

Bzzzzt!

"There it is." Heather takes the roast out of the oven, quickly applying the sauce on top. The smell is incredible, everyone in the room catching a good whiff of it.

"Mm.. Barbecue.." Lindsay and Owen mumble in unison.

"Mm-mm, that looks amazing!" LeShawna compliments.

"Thank you, LeShawna. Would you and Lindsay mind helping me set Chris' table?" Heather asks, beginning to walk into the mess hall.

"Sure. Noah, Owen, guard the food." LeShawna orders, walking out with Lindsay.

Heather peers back into the kitchen. "Um.. Noah, you should come with us. Just in case."

"What, and leave Owen all alone? With the food?" Noah questions.

"I don't know what you'll do to it and blame on me. Or him. Just come on and help decorate. Bring the drinks in if that makes you feel better." Heather explains.

"I can be trusted with the ribs. It's not like I'm some bottomless black hole!" Owen defends himself.

"Yeah, can't you trust your supposed best friend?" Heather questions.

Noah looks down and sighs. "I.. guess. Owen, I have your word."

"Yeah, I swear!"

Noah and Heather walk out of the kitchen. Owen watches the ribs intently.

"Okay.. looking good, guys. Oh, man that smells good..! …What's that Mr. Ribs? You feel a little lopsided?" He looks around, noticing most of the Bass are gone aside from Duncan and Courtney. He scoops one big hand into the right side of the ribs and picks one clean off, devouring it. "Holy mackerel.. That's amazing. Oh, now this side looks a little fat..~"

Duncan squirts custard into the pastries' openings, filling them out somewhat sloppily. Leaning over his shoulder is the CIT herself.

"You are such a slob. They all have to have the same amount of custard!" She scrutinizes.

"Oh, relax, they're fine. You know, you'd be a lot more fun without that pole up your butt." Duncan replies casually.

"What?! I'm like the most easy going person I know!" She yells in defense.

"Oh yeah, you're totally laid back." He squirts the custard into her face. She gasps, furrowing her brows as she wipes the custard off and throws the entire bowl of the stuff into Duncan's face. The sight of yellow, gooey liquid trailing down his face and ridiculous mohawk makes her giggle. She takes a bit of it off his chin and licks her finger before taking the tray of cannoli's and heading into the dining hall.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"Man, that girl creases me. I dig that in a chick."

(Confessional: Courtney)

"Duncan and me? Yeah right. As if. There's no way. Please. When pigs fly."

From outside, LeShawna yells: "Yo, are you still rambling on the potty or can someone else have a turn?!"

Courtney thinks about it. "Like I said, never gonna happen."

(Confessional end)


In the dining hall, Chris sits at a specially dressed table with a bib around his neck, a gopher plushie on the left of him, and a bass plushie on the right. Geoff lights some candles on the bass side. "Your meal is coming right up, bro- I mean, sir." He smiles dopily.

On the other side, Heather decides to start with presentation, placing down her flaming drinks in front of him. "This is our appetizer, flaming wine and vodka with a spicy, fiery aftertaste. Enjoy."

"Bold, brass, a little risque for your age, but who am I to judge?" Chris picks up the wine first and takes a sip. "Mm.. not bad. A little scratchy. Kind of.. Puffy. It's certainly spicy."

"Dammit, Lindsay." Heather mutters.

"I think I put in an extra dash of salt." Lindsay ponders.

"She means pepper. Nevermind! Try the vodka." Heather orders.

"Ehh.." Chris does as told, sipping the alcohol. He shrugs. "You know what? I've had worse. Seven points. I'm more of a fruity alcohol guy, but it's okay."

(Confessional: Lindsay)

"I always thought the fruity drinks were for feminine people. Oooh.."

(Confessional end)

"Say, where'd you learn to mix drinks anyway?"

"You'd be surprised." Heather winks, moving the drinks out of the way. Sadie steps up next. "Good luck, sweetie~!" She tells the plump girl. Sadie smiles enthusiastically, placing down the antipasto.

"Enjoy this yummers antipasto, sir!" Sadie says.

Chris curls his eyebrow up, scooping a few pieces of meat and veggies into his mouth. A few suspenseful bites and a swallow later, he smiles. "Your antipasto passed the test-o! Eight points!"

8-7

"Pass the pasta, please." Chris rhymes. Geoff places the spaghetti in front of him, standing next to Bridgette and DJ. He scoops the spaghetti into his maw and chews, moaning with how good it is. "On a scale from one to ten? Fifteen!"

DJ and Bridgette fist bump, with Geoff wrapping his arms around their necks excitedly.

23-7

(Confessional: Heather)

She twitches. "Fif..teen..?"

(Confessional end)

"How the hell is THAT fair?!"

"Hey, it's my show, my tastebuds, my rules. They get fifteen points. If your dinner can get any better than that.."

"Of course it can! I present to you, the greatest ribs you've ever tasted." LeShawna announces confidently, gesturing to the kitchen door. Nothing comes out. Lindsay and Noah hold up majestic leaves fit for a king's dinner for presentation purposes. Noah drops his.

"Oh God no." He runs into the kitchen, the fence door slamming open. The walls are covered in barbecue sauce. The floor is caked in sweat and meat. Then, he sees him.. Owen. Covered head to toe in ribs and skin, looking manic as he stares down at himself. "Owen, I had your word!"

LeShawna and Heather walk in. They're horrified. "No you did NOT just eat the entire plate of ribs!"

"They were kinda dry, I was just taste testing! And then.. Well.."

"Oh, Owen.."

"You killed us!"

"It's not all doom and gloom yet! There's still a tiny piece left!"

"Go present that plate of bones before I clobber you!"

Heather shoves out the door with the plate of.. 'Ribs'. He tries to look gentlemanly as he places it down in front of Chris. Chris looks confused, and a little insulted.

"Mhm.. yeah this looks like, it's uh.. Been eaten."

"Not all of it. There's still a bit left on the side there." It's such a small piece of skin that the cameraman has to zoom in to see it. "Yeah, see right there. That one." Chris pulls it off with a bit of trouble before throwing it in his mouth, chewing on it with an indifferent swallow.

"Yeah, even if this was full, two points. It's dry as hell."

"I never said I was a great Chef.. hehe." Heather mutters bashfully as her team stares at her. "B-but it's not like Owen was much help!"

23-9

" True that." LeShawna grumbles, heading back into the kitchen to protect her orange pound cake. "At least you didn't wolf this down."

"I'm so sorry! I was just so hungry. N-Noah warned you guys!"

"That's true. And who put me out here so I wouldn't 'sabotage the food'?"

"Enough! Normally your tension would enthrall me, make me happy. Right now, though, it's annoying. So zip it so I can eat some good food. Bass, show me your dessert."

Courtney gingerly places the plate of cannoli's in front of the host, worriedly watching as he picks one up. Duncan notices her nervous posture and places a hand on her shoulder, feeling the same way. She looks back at him, smiling. He smiles back. Chris chews on the sweet, shrugging. "Eh.. six."

They look a little disappointed in themselves.

29-9

"But, that doesn't matter much. The Bass still lead with a whopping twenty-nine to nine. How will the Gophers' last meal stand up to the challenge?"

LeShawna places down her pound cake. "I give you, orange pound cake, with an orange Crush on the side. The can is also placed down next to the cake.

"I'm not gonna lie, this looks like a winner." He cuts a piece of the cake before scarfing it down. He opens the can while he chews and takes a sip to wash it down. "Mm.. yeah, that's some good stuff. Ten points!"

"Ten? Not like, say.. Fifteen, or twenty?" LeShawna pleads.

"What can I say, I love Italian food. The Killer Bass win today's challenge, and as promised, get to spend the next three days using my personal suite."

The Killer Bass cheer and whoop, all hugging and jumping in the air, minus Harold of course who is noticeably absent. Duncan excitedly hugs Courtney, holding her in the air. She lets out a loud 'whoop!' before realizing people are watching. "Okay, put me down! Put me down!" Her second warning a lot more aggressive. He does so, nervously smiling.

"I'll go tell Harold." DJ volunteers, leaving the kitchen. Chris turns to the Gophers, who all glare at Owen.

"As for you guys? You've got someone to boot off."


Trent slowly opens his eyes, his hand warmer than usual. A pale, blue haired figure snaps her head in his direction, eyes wide. "Trent? It's me, Gwen. Are you okay?"

"Ah.. Hey, baby. What happened?" He notices the medical stuff around him and the tent itself above him and realizes what's happening.

She hugs him, her ear against his heartbeat. "Owen accidentally threw a crate of oranges at your head. You had a concussion and then passed out. I'm not gonna lie.. It kinda scared the hell out of me."

"Ah, I'm sorry, girl." He wraps his arm around her back, rubbing it gently.

She looks into his eyes. "Don't apologize! It's not your fault."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just sorry for worrying you." He smiles warmly.

Gwen smiles at him before suddenly bursting into tears.

"Hey, what's wrong? I'm okay." He uses his free hand to pet her hair.

Gwen shakes her head, sniffling. "I.. I don't normally feel this way, Trent. It's fucking surreal. I haven't felt this way about anyone in my hellhole town, or-or any of my friends back home, or anybody! I have no idea how any of this works, and I'm so confused."

"Well.. that's how you know."

"K-know what?"

"That this is true love." She smiles through her tears, and he lifts her up into his lap, cuddling her on top of him whilst they kiss.

(Confessional: Gwen)

"When Trent said those words, I felt fireworks. That was the moment I knew we weren't rushing this. I love him."

(Confessional end)

LeShawna walks in on their little make-out session and recoils, covering her eyes. "Damn, sorry, y'all!"

Gwen takes her lips off him and wipes her ruined make-up off her face, along with the tears before turning around. "Shit, we didn't know anyone was here."

"Nobody was. Am I interrupting something?" LeShawna asks.

"No, no, it's cool. Come in." Trent answers.

LeShawna walks toward them with a plate of pound cake. "I managed to grab a slice of cake for you. Nice to see you're okay, and in high spirits." She hands it off to Trent.

"Hey, I didn't get mauled by a bear or anything. Just a simple little mistake." Trent replies, taking a bite. "Oh damn, that's incredible."

"Glad you think so! Chris certainly agreed." She smiles knowingly.

Gwen takes a bite off the corner. "So, we won the challenge?"

"Uh.. no. Owen ate all the ribs Heather made, and even then they weren't good."

Trent looks disappointed. "That stinks. I really wanted to take you up there, Gwen. It would have been awesome."

"You need your rest." Gwen assures, squeezing his hand.

"There were still two more days in it before the next challenge. Hey, maybe it'll become a regular reward." Trent replies.

"Maybe." Gwen smiles.

"Think you can make today's elimination ceremony? We're thinking of voting off Owen." LeShawna says.

"Ah, man, I really like the guy." Trent says.

"He gave you a concussion and screwed up everything for us. I'll vote with you, LeShawna." Gwen agrees.

"Thanks, girl." LeShawna replies with a smile.

"Hey, wait, what about Noah? None of us like him." Trent suggests.

"That might be true, but in my opinion, voting for Noah is a waste of a vote at this point. He's weak, has no social presence and no friends. By the next time we vote, we can just kick him off, and by the time the teams merge, he'll never get immunity." LeShawna explains.

"Just.. saying goodbye to Owen sucks. He's really the life of the party." Trent sadly speaks.

"I love the dude, he's funny as hell. But unfortunately, he cost us one too many challenges." The proud woman replies.

"I get it. We'll vote with you, no worries." Trent responds.

"Mm, LeShawna, this cake is amazing." Gwen moans, scooping bits of the baked goods into her mouth like candy.

"I've been told." She proudly claims. "See y'all in thirty." She walks out of the room, her friends telling her goodbye. As she leaves the tent, Heather steps around the corner and pulls her behind a tree, startling her. "Heather?! What the fuck? You don't wanna pull that on a girl who grew up in the ghetto!"

"Sorry. I just overheard your little conversation with the others, and let me say.. It's a bad idea." Heather whispers.

"Say what? You were eavesdropping?" She furrows her eyebrows.

"Not exactly! Just.. hear me out. Owen is a valuable player, a wildcard if you will, and extremely sociable. Not to mention easy, Having him in our alliance would be crucial to survival, especially when the teams merge."

"Yeah, but he made us lose, and right now nobody wants him around except for maybe Noah and Trent." LeShawna lowers her voice to a whisper.

"Exactly. If the boys see Owen liking us, they might be inclined to do so as well. It's basic psychology."

"Look, Heather, I know we're tight and all, and I seriously like you. But this feels sketchy."

"We've already lost three times in a row! If Noah makes us lose again-"

"But it wasn't Noah, and your decision to get him out of the kitchen cost us."

"I know.. But who knows what he would have done? I was just looking out for us. Please, reconsider your vote."

"I.. I'll think about it."

Heather hugs her, but LeShawna doesn't reciprocate. "Thank you."

(Confessional: LeShawna)

"And that really rubbed me wrong. Who does that? You think you know a person."

(Confessional end)


At the elimination ceremony, Chris stands in front of seven contestants with seven marshmallows on his plate. Owen and Noah specifically look incredibly worried.

(Confessional: Heather)

"Tonight's choice was obvious."

(Confessional: Gwen)

"This is for voting me out at the last ceremony. Oh, and for Trent too."

(Confessional: Noah)

"Honestly, I'm not sure what to think anymore. But Owen still won't talk to me. I think I have a way to fix this. I can't believe how, though."

(Confessional: Lindsay)

"Okay, you can't tell anyone.. But I'm voting Omar. I still feel really bad about Cory, and I think that he'd want Nora in over him. Sorry.. Please don't tell Heather!"

(Confessional end)

"Gophers, nice to see you again." Chris greets. "You've all cast your votes and made your decisions. The camper-"

"-Who does not receive a marshmallow must walk down the dock of shame, board the boat of losers and leave, and cannot come back ever. Can't we just get this over with?" Gwen questions impatiently. Chris glares.

"Fine, spoil the tension, why don't you. Trent, LeShawna, Gwen, Lindsay. You're safe." All of them stand up to collect their marshmallows, standing behind Chris. Heather sits behind Owen and Noah, unworried. "Heather. Come on up." She hums as she strolls up to the host, taking and eating the marshmallow off his plate, grinning devilishly at Noah. He sighs, looking down at his shoes. The shoes he bought with the embezzled funds of the student council. He's even wearing his school's uniform as if he's still the top dog there, when he's far from home. He looks up at Owen, frowning.

"Owen, Noah.. This is the final marshmallow of the evening. And it goes to…"

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"Noah." A marshmallow flies towards the bookworm, and he catches it, looking up at a stunned Owen.

"No!" Heather exclaims, seemingly devastated.

"What? Aw, man. Guys, I'm so sorry! I never meant to screw up so badly!"

"We forgive you, Omar!" Lindsay exclaims sadly.

"Sorry, Owen." LeShawna says.

"Yeah. Good luck, dude." Trent says.

Owen frowns, looking up at them all. "But.. I.. I just wanna.. I need to say-"

"Stop." Noah stands up. The contestants watch in shock as Noah walks up to Owen and holds his hands. "Owen.. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to apologize for mistakes that are my own fault. I was the one who screwed you over, made you anxious today."

Owen doesn't say a word, his eyes tearing up as Noah puts the marshmallow in his hand.

Gasp!

"Wow." Gwen mutters.

"You'd.. You'd sacrifice $100,000 dollars for me?" Owen questions, his voice breaking.

"I-"

Squeeze!

"I love you, Noah!" Owen cries, hugging him in the tightest bear hug yet. Noah squeaks like a chew toy.

"You're alright, string bean." LeShawna says, smiling.. Owen puts Noah down, smiling as he wipes his tears.

"Oh I'll still be expecting a small cut of the money. And your number." Noah holds his hand out, a cocky smirk on his face.

Owen throws a piece of paper with his number on it into his hand. "I was saving this for the last week. I forgive you, buddy!"

Chris stands between them, placing a hand on their shoulders. "Noah, the dock of shame awaits, bro."

Noah smiles, letting out a sigh of relief as he walks away onto the dock, picking up his luggage at the end of it. Chef drives up, allowing him to jump in. He waves Owen goodbye, who waves him goodbye as well.

Heather sighs in a different kind of relief, smiling. "Well, if you'll all excuse me, those warm showers are calling. Goodnight!" She whistles, walking away merrily.

"She really likes her warm showers." Lindsay tells her team innocently.

"Oh, I know she does. Think I'll take one, too." Gwen begins walking off, winking at Trent as she pulls out her phone and calls a certain Latina.


At Chris' suite, Harold dances to his heart's content in the middle of the dance floor, showing off to Sadie his mad skills in interpretive dance, who does some Blickblock dances. Geoff, DJ and Bridgette take to the jacuzzi, relaxing whilst sharing a drink of lemonade, and Duncan walks up to Harold with his own special drink. The room is loud with a professional DJ playing some classic douchebag club music.

"Hey, dorkus. Change your mind about the knife?" Duncan inquiries.

"I already told you, there's no way I'm fixing that thing. It's low quality! It looks like the seller was ripping you off. Just buy another knife and leave me the hell alone!" Harold barks.

"You know what, you make a good point. Here, I brought you a drink." He holds up a red dixie cup of brown, bubbling liquid.

"What is it? Diarrhea cola?"

"It's a fucking Pepsi, dweeb. I saw you drinking it one time and decided you might like it. Maybe being nice is what gets you to help me, instead of freaking you out all the time."

"...That's a pretty good idea. Okay, I am pretty thirsty from all these mad dance moves."

"Bottoms up." Duncan hands him the dixie cup, which Harold greedily slurps down. He lets out a satisfied exhale and hands him back the cup. "See? Nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, that's pretty good. I'll think about saving that travesty of a knife." Harold replies.

"Oh, you will. Goodnight, Harold." Duncan walks away, snickering under his breath. He sees Courtney in the corner on her phone, pacing back and forth with a devious smile on her face and becomes interested. He strolls up to her like a pimp, holding his hand out for her. "May I have this dance, princess?"

Courtney pries her phone off her ear. "This song isn't even slow, and I don't dance how modern teens like to dance."

"Shame considering how sexy you are." Duncan flirts, taking a step closer.

Courtney blushes, but shakes her head when she notices Sadie spying again. She diverts her attention back to Harold's dancing when she notices the CIT glaring.

"I have to go." She says into the phone and to Duncan, hanging up the call. She starts walking away.

"There are bedrooms here, you know." He follows her.

"I just need some air." She can't help the smile that pulls on her lips.

He stops, smirking. "You are so uptight."

She turns to look at him, unable to resist the smirk on her face. "Oh, am I? Quite the opposite, if you ask Gwen."

"Gwen?" That blindsides him.

She gets close and whispers. "No time. Sorry, Duncan. Goodnight." She pinches his ear hard before walking into the elevator at the end of the dance hall and departing. He watches her go, electricity filling his body.

"Holy shit." He mutters.

At the jacuzzi, Bridgette steps out. "I'm gonna use the bathroom!" She shouts over the music. Geoff and DJ throw up a thumbs up. She gives DJ a knowing look and he nods, Geoff not noticing as he takes a swig of his lemonade.

"Aw man, pink is the best flavor!" Geoff enthuses.

"You know it's just a color swap, right? Classic is where it's at." DJ replies.

"The color makes all the difference."

"Does the gender?"

Geoff looks confused. "Huh? I didn't know lemons could have genders."

DJ chuckles. "Sorry, bad segway. Look, I talked to Bridgette."

"Uh-huh, and?"

"She thinks you're cute."

"Aw, no way! Seriously?" He ecstatically asks.

DJ nods. "Seriously. But, there's a problem."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Those sexist comments you keep making are seriously scaring her off."

Geoff raises a brow. "Sexiest? But she is sexy. I only compliment her when she looks good and I know she's okay with it."

DJ puts a hand on his shoulder. "No, dude, sex-ist. As in, misogynistic."

"Oh. You mean like, the tent thing?"

"Or the hot mom thing. She doesn't appreciate it. She thinks you're a little ignorant."

"Aw, dude, nah, never! What should I do?"

"Just be mindful of what you say. Make sure to respect her as more than just a woman, but as a person too."

"Of course. Anything else?"

"Don't compare women to other women, unless they're a celebrity that all women collectively find beautiful."

"Uh.. like Cher?"

"Right on. I knew you were a fast learner." They fist bump.

"My dad taught me how to surf at age five. I learned in no time." Geoff confidently replies.

"You got this, brother." DJ clinks their glasses together.


Outside of the communal washroom, Gwen waits on Courtney with a bucket of Chef's mystery meat, tapping her foot. The shower water suddenly becomes more muffled once Heather steps in. "Thank my lucky stars she takes so long to undress.. She probably touches herself to her own image." She mutters.

Courtney arrives at last with a toolbox. "There you are." Gwen whispers.

"Sorry, am I late?" Courtney asks.

"Right on time." Gwen replies.

"Here, just give me a few minutes. I'll tell you when to pour that shlock in." Courtney gets down on her knees, inspecting the exposed pipes behind the washroom.

"Good thing Chef isn't here. I did not want to be another Cody." Gwen says, shaking the bucket of meat.

"Hopefully the meat doesn't attract bears." Courtney replies.

"Yeah.. would be funny if it did, though." The goth jokes.

"Ha! That's true." Courtney configures the pipes, utilizing a wrench and some pliers to pry the exposed pipe off circulation with the correct plumbing. After a few minutes of stressing this, the water cuts off. Heather looks around, her body suddenly thrust from warm and calm to normal.

"Um.. what the hell? Stupid plumbing, stupid show.." She talks to herself inside, messing with the valve, turning it down and up again.

"Now!" Courtney whispers. Gwen turns the bucket upside down against the pipe, a barrage of sweaty, cold, runny meat trailing down the pipes and minced by the shower to squirt bullets of meat down onto the bare Heather.

"AHHHHH! EW, EW, EW! What the fuck is this?! It smells like barf! Oh, god! Get me out, out, out!" She turns the shower off after her hair, face and body is covered in the stuff, running out of the stall to wash her face. Gwen and Courtney chuckle, high fiving like earlier to the sweet sounds of a problem solved.

"Go, I'll finish this off." Gwen orders.

"I can't stay?" Courtney questions.

"It's better this way. Trust me. You don't want her to know you were here." Gwen explains.

"...I guess not. Good luck." Courtney runs off, looking behind her shoulder as Gwen runs around the corner of the washroom. A sense of disappointment plagues her.

The goth runs up to the door, not looking inside, but instead putting her back to the door before yelling, "I'll set it back to normal if you promise to stop hogging the shower!"

"Okay! Okay, whatever, just set it back!" Heather screams.

"I'll try~" Gwen giggles, walking slowly back to set it to normal with a whistle.


Hours later, in the dead of night, Duncan slides envelope's in the doors of the Gopher girls' cabin, as well as in the rooms of Bridgette, Sadie and Courtney. He shakes Geoff awake and proposes an idea we can't hear before we cut to the duo grabbing hold of a dead asleep Harold and throwing him onto a canoe, stripping him bare before kicking him out into the lake. He floats aimlessly for an hour while Duncan and Geoff watch. The sun comes up, the girls find the envelopes to see Harold in his natural habitat by the lake, and by the morning Harold awakens to see the sun beating down on him and the air breezy over his body.

He quickly stands up, looking around dazed and confused. From behind him, he hears a chorus of girlish laughter. "Good morning, Harold." The girls say in unison, giggling at his unmentionables when he turns around. He gasps, covering his tiny sausage with his hands.

"Ladies, look away! The shrinkage of the cold air is making my schlong appear much tinier than it really is!"

"Yeah, right!" Courtney says, an eruptive laughter coming from every last one of them. Meanwhile, Duncan and Geoff row in a separate canoe from a few meters away, making eye contact with him.

"What about now, Harold?" Duncan questions.

"Okay! I'm sorry!" Harold yells.

"Sorry for what, dude?" Geoff calls teasingly.

"I'm sorry for breaking your knife, Duncan!" The dork cries.

"And?"

"And for insulting it and you! I'll fix it! Please just give me some clothes!"

"What the heck, I believe him." Geoff tosses him a sealed bag of clothes, which Harold eagerly catches.

"Pleasure doing business with ya!" Duncan yells, both of them exploding with laughter.

Chris stands on the dock, sharing a drink with the plushies of the Bass and Gophers. "Ah.. nothing beats a pina colada. Even the name is exotic. Was today's episode gross enough for you? Maybe a little too sappy? Well tune in for next week's episode to see something a lot more brutal! Until next time, kiddies."


Mid Credits:

Noah steps off the Boat of Losers, taking it all in. The giant tower of a penthouse, the large swimming pool, and the tiki bar that reminded him of the challenge he had lost. Chef appears behind him. "Okay, let's take you to-"

"Hey, Noah! Welcome back!" Izzy jumps in front of him, scaring him into Chef's arms.

"Izzy! I-I thought you were in jail?" Noah questions before being thrown back onto his feet by Chef.

"You wish! Welcome to Playa Des Losers, hombre!" She exclaims. The other losers appear, including Cody in his wheelchair. At least his mouth is unmuffled now.

"Gotta say, Noah, I'm proud of you." Cody says.

"Cody, you're looking better." Noah greets.

"Yeah, and I get fanmail up the ass! Getting injured on TV rules."

"Yeah, that was really cool, eh! Real noble." Ezekiel adds to Cody's earlier statement.

"Like you'd know anything about nobility." Eva replies, rolling her eyes.

"At least somebody else on this island believed me over Heather. Thanks for that." Beth says.

"Don't mention it. She's a real snake in the grass as you've all probably seen." Noah replies.

"Yeah, she called my Lindsay stupid! I won't forgive her for that." Tyler barks.

"Alright, alright, enough chatter. Sit down, Noah." Chef orders. Noah does so, waving his fellow losers off. The cook sits across from him.

"What's this about?"

"Interview for your Total Drama Island Biography." Chef explains, taking out his notepad.

"Throw the questions at me, then, Chef."

"What is your full name?"

"Noah."

"I said full."

"Like I'm giving anyone my last name. That'll bite me in the ass later."

Chef shrugs. "Fine. Noah. What's your likes and dislikes?"

"Likes.. Alright. I like video games, computers, hacking, books on psychology, anything but romance novels, really. I like a good detective series. I like school, funnily enough. I like roleplaying if the circle is good."

"Roleplaying? That's freaky." Chef says.

Noah sighs. "Another uncultured swine. Those are the kinds of people I dislike. I'm not a fan of modern music, I prefer jazz. I hate guns, I hate jocks, I hate this stupid show. But at least I met some decent people through it."

"Awww.." Beth and Katie sound off.

"He's talking about me. And who wouldn't be thankful?" Justin corrects, doing some sexy poses.

"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." Noah replies.

"Next question: Favorite food?"

"I'm a big fan of lobster. It's elitist crap, but it's good elitist crap. Seafood in general is pretty good."

"Dream job?"

"Hopefully I never have to work. I'm hoping to marry into success. If I have to, I'd like to be an author."

"Ooh, feature me!" Izzy hollers, jumping on his shoulders. She quickly jumps off and into the pool.

"Describe your home life."

"Well, to tell you the truth, I mainly raised myself. My mom and dad work, my mom's a doctor and my dad is an IT guy. We're loaded, but that's not why I joined the show. I wanted more people to know about me. People love buying books from celebrities. I'm student council president at school, and I used to be the head of the debate team."

"Interesting. Last question: What are your plans for the money?"

"I have no idea. Maybe I'd buy a car or something? My own place? Even more online currency? Who knows."

"Well, thank you, Noah. You weren't as painful to interview as most." Chef says, shaking his hand.

"Gee, thanks, asshole." Eva bitterly mutters.

"See y'all next episode. Hehe.." Chef walks away, towards the dock.

Katie runs up to him, tapping his shoulder. "Oh, Chef, could you-"

He turns. "Shut up and go to sleep, yuppie." Then he walks off to the boat. Katie looks down at her phone, hovering over her text messages. She presses on Sadie's face, hovering over the send button.

I miss you, too. 3

Sent!


Credits continue.