I fluttered my eyes open, a sudden surge of pain went through my head, I immediately raised my arm up and clutched my forehead, ugh, My headache is becoming worse everyday, I whispered to myself,

I sighed, as I slowly tried to shift my head to my right, I looked up at the clock on the wall, it was 5:36 am, it's still very early, so I have a chance to pee before my sisters get to steal the bathroom.

I got up steadily and stretched, my arms still ached from a restless night, I yawned as I stared at the ceiling, "Another miserable day" I said softly as I got out of the bed,

I started to care less and less each day, I wanted to be isolated from everyone. I wanted to feel alone, even if I didn't want to, I didn't want to talk to anyone, to my friends and even my family. And I'm pretty sure they noticed, their worry glances towards me makes my stomach turn.

Now, It's not like I hated them, No, it's quite the opposite, I love them dearly, but my heart feels very heavy and my stomach twists whenever I try to interact to someone- anyone actually, and I don't understand why, it's like the more you do things the more heavy it feels, and the more heavy it feels, the more it hurts. And whenever it hurts It just feels very numb.

I hated that feeling, I wanted to just make it stop, but life isn't as easy as that, y'know?

I walked to the door, my eyes fighting to stay open as I reached the door knob, I twisted it slowly, a sound came out the door as I tried to open it quietly, I walked past through my sister's bedrooms, staring at it as I walked by, I wish I had a bedroom that is not a closet, I thought to myself sadly

Although it was kinda nice to have your own room and have the privacy to yourself, even if that privacy can be invaded sometimes.

But it would've been nicer if I had a real room, not just a closet, with a broken lock.

I finally reached the bathroom door, I opened it and went inside, After I did my business, I washed my hands and looked at the mirror,

My eyes were baggy, and my face were all droopy, I sighed as I splashed the water onto my face, wiping it with a clean towel, I put the towel back after I was done wiping my face, and got out the bathroom.

I didn't want to be locked in the room and be hungry like last time, but I also don't want to eat breakfast with my family- not like they care anyways.

so I decided to go downstairs, my footsteps were light as a feather, as my body didn't gain much weight these past few months, I reached the bottom, and I went into the kitchen, I made myself a sandwich, that way I won't be as hungry, although I lost my appetite to eat, I still had to be fed, wouldn't want to die from starvation. Even if I wanted to

I went back up and got to my room, and locked the door, well- I more on, moved the bed to the door, so no one would budge in, and to be honest, it worked perfectly, no one was able to budge in, no matter how much they pleaded.

I sat on the floor, looking at the bandages on my arms, my headache still present but not as painful as when I woke up, I glided my left hand to my right arm, feeling the pain underneath, my family found it weird that I have bandages around my arm, and they had asked many times how I got it, like they're worried about me, it was confusing.

but usually I'll make up an excuse for it. And sometimes I have to act on that excuse to make it seem legit, and they believed it. Well- except for Lisa, she has been suspecting me for awhile now, I hope she won't find out about this.

Even if she is very smart, she's still a child in heart. I don't want her to see and find out what I did.

I pulled of the bandages off to reveal my arm, which is full of scars. Some of them are deep, some, light scratches, the scars made me feel... proud? It made me happy, the pain just makes the heavy feeling disappear, and I like that.

the deep one's are the ones I am the most proud of, knowing that it'll be stuck in my arms, forever reminding me of how much a useless person I am. My body needs to be punished. For being useless and for the small mistakes I have made,

It's small in their eyes, but in mine, it's a huge deal.

I sighed as I stared at my arms with a light smile, my thoughts are just- all over as usual, also I should probably start using some long sleeves, or maybe a hoodie, so I would stop using this damn bandages,

My eyes wandered around my room and eventually it looked right at the clock, it was 6:55 am, huh, I guess it took me a lot of time to think, oh well, it's not like someone is here to knock on the door-

Knock, knock

"Lincoln?"

I hurriedly put on back he bandages, I know that wasn't healthy but I had too, even though they're probably not going to come in anyways,

"Yeah, what is it Mom?" I asked softly but enough for her to hear,

I can hear her sighing through the door, great, what did I do now?

"Lincoln, are you ok? You've been locked up in that room- for what? A couple of months?"

I rolled my eyes, they've been asking me that for days, plus- it isn't even a bad thing, I just wanted to be alone for once.

"I know, you only wanted some alone time, but you need to come out once in a while, here, I'll let you go to the mall-"

"Ugh"

As if this conversation weren't bad enough, now I'm forced to go to the mall.

"Don't do that attitude young man, as I was saying, I'll let you go to the mall, with one of your sisters, I'll let you choose"

I paused for a moment, hmm, only one sister? I guess I'm not really allowed to go alone huh? but hey atleast it's just one, I don't have to deal with 10 of them

Now, at one point, I don't want to go to the mall, and interact with people, but on the other hand, Its the perfect opportunity to buy the hoodie I needed.

I breathed loudly,

"Fine"

My mom seemed to be satisfied with that answer as she finally left me alone. I guess I have to be ready,

Knock knock

"Lincoln, it's me again, have you already thought of who to choose?"

Ah, right,

"I thought of it and I choose Leni"

To be honest, my reasoning on why I chose Leni instead of my other 9 sisters is that she isn't the smartest of the bunch, and if she noticed me buying a hoodie she would question it, but I'll just make an excuse for it and she'll hundred percent believe it, and probably not suspect me of anything.

"Oh, okay dear"

I thought of something, What's with this all of the sudden? Have they come and just ruin my peaceful time? Just for me to go outside?

...

I know they're probably try to get me to go outside or play, or whatever they're planning, just to put me to my old self again, and news flash, that's probably not going happen,

I've changed, unless if they know how to get this heavy feeling of me, then I'll be happy,

Knock knock

"Ok, Leni's ready to go now"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute"

It was silent as the van drove, As the van glided along the road, the only sound was the gentle hum of the engine. Leni sat quietly beside me in the front seat. I gazed out of the window, watching the scene that is the outside.

Breaking the silence, my mom's voice filled the Van, her tone warm. "Soooo, how was school?" she asked

Today was Saturday so I'm guessing Mom's talking about yesterday,

"Oh! It was totes awesome, we had a project where we had to design clothes, so it was a ton of fun"

Mom chuckled at that

"That's good"

She turned to look at me through the small mirror in the car,

"How about you Lincoln?"

"It was, alright"

I said, continuing to look out the window, it is a vague answer, but I didn't care, After that, the van was shrouded with awkwardness

It was like that until we arrived at the mall

"Bye Sweetie! Make sure to keep a close eye of your brother ok?"

She said to Leni

"Ok mom!" Leni said smilingly

I rolled my eyes and started to walk towards the mall as they waved goodbye, the hoodie I borrowed from luna was a bit big, but it was better than wearing some bandages, People would stare at me.

"Lincoln!"

The sudden call startled me, causing me to jump. I turned around to find Leni standing behind me, a wide grin lighting up her face.

"Jeez, Leni, please don't sneak up on me like that," I said with a polite tone despite the surprise.

"Aw, sorry, Lincy," she replied, her expression genuinely apologetic.

I returned her smile. "It's okay. Can we go in?" I suggested, injecting a hint of a fake laughter into my voice to lighten the mood.

"Oh, yes! Let's go!" Leni exclaimed eagerly as she took hold of my arm and guided us both towards the entrance of the mall.

As we stepped inside, the bustling energy of the shopping center enveloped us, a mixture of voices, footsteps, and music filling the air. Leni's excitement was palpable, and I couldn't help but feel tired, but sacrifices has to be made and I need that darn hoodie.

*Enter the shopping montage*

It took a while, but I finally found the hoodie was looking for, I need a lot of it, so I can replace the clothes in my room with the hoodies,

As I stood at the checkout counter, the cashier's gaze bore into me as she scanned the items in my basket. "Is this all?" she asked

"Yes, that's everything," I said, ready to move on. Just as I turned to leave, a sudden collision jolted me, causing me to bump into a stranger nearby.

"Uh- sorry for bumping into you ma'am"

Stupid! I should've been more careful!

"It's okay, dear," the stranger reassured me with a weird smile,

The smile kinda creeps me out.

"Say, aren't you a Loud?" she inquired, her eyes twinkling with recognition.

Surprised by her question, I stammered, "Yeah, I am— wait, how did you know I was a Loud?"

She chuckled softly, her smile growing wider. "Oh, I'm the tutor that your parents were considering hiring," she revealed,

"Oohh, ok- nice meeting you ma'am" I answered with awkward smile, not wanting to continue the conversation

"Nice meeting you too dear"

She said as she waved goodbye to me

That woman gives me a bad feeling, i sighed as I finally reached Leni who- was carrying some bags.

"Let's go?"

"Yeah, I'm already done!"