Chris stands at the dock, rejuvenated from last episode's insane debacle with a grin on his face and enthusiasm in his voice. "Last time on Total Drama Island! Our campers were given the ride of their lives when our slasher movie challenge scared the pants off 'em. Owen pushed Izzy selfishly into harm's way, while Eva showed an entirely new side to her personality. Duncan finally confessed his guilt to Gwen about what he did to get Trent booted off the show, and Geoff totally left his best friend for dead for some ice cream. Wild!"

"In the end, it was Gwen who confronted an actual psycho killer who escaped prison and managed to come across this island searching for prey, pulling a surprising stunt when she beat him into submission and saved the lives of everyone on the show, earning a point advantage in the next challenge." After the montage of clips, Chris walks through the bonfire ceremony, seven tables and chairs set up with name cards on each one. "With DJ eliminated in the previous purge challenge, eight contestants have become seven. Wanna see who leaves so the number goes down to six? Then don't pick up that clicker, because you'll only find out if you watch this exciting episode of…

Total!

Drama!

Island!"


The theme song plays over an intro sequence.

The first shot depicts Wawanakwa in full, leading up to a giant cliff and zooming past McLean as he sips a coffee before diving into the water below the cliff.

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine.

You guys are on my mind.

We see Ezekiel under water, watching Geoff and Bridgette with a downtrodden look on his face, both of which are staring longingly into each other's eyes until an eagle picks Geoff up by his shoulders and carries him off. Bridgette tries to reach for him, watching him fly away with concern.

You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see

I wanna be famous.

The eagle drops Geoff down as it soars past the sun. He falls down a few tree branches before landing in DJ's arms, who seconds prior was enjoying nature and the copious animals around him. The animals get violent and attack as soon as their peace is disturbed. DJ and Geoff scream as the former runs with the latter in his arms away from the vicious animals.

Duncan laughs hysterically at the scene, but Courtney glares at him with disapproval, causing him to stop.

I wanna live close to the sun

So pack your bags cause I already won.

Heather is in a canoe with Beth and LeShawna going down the stream. Beth is in the middle, trying to separate the two from dueling. The canoe ends up careening off of the stream and down a waterfall, which makes the teens fall to the water below, passing by Harold as he practices a few fighting poses on a dangerously positioned log overlooking the falls. As he stretches his arms and legs out in a dorky position, Izzy swings in on a vine and knocks into him, bumping directly into an outhouse housing Lindsay, who falls out with her skirt around her ankles.

Everything to prove

Nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

Cause I wanna be famous.

Inside the mess hall kitchen, we see Chef preparing some disgusting green soup with his bare hand dipped into the pot. He looks behind him at a tied up Owen and Noah, both looking petrified of whatever Chef is concoting for them. In the mess hall itself, Eva arm wrestles Tyler, easily beating him and dislocating his arm.

Outside on the beach, Sadie and Katie coo over Justin, who is looking at himself in between two mirrors. He winks at one, his teeth glistening.

Na-na-na-na-na-na

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

We get a good look at the polluted, muggy, teal waters of Wawanakwa, a few seagulls fighting over a cellphone. Katie swims for it, with Sadie watching from the sand anxiously, but the skinny brown clone of her best friend ends up being terrorized by a shark and swims back to shore as fast as she can.

I wanna be, I wanna be

I wanna be famous!

Back on the dock of shame, we see Justin strut to the edge before ripping his shirt off, water from the shark splashing towards Katie drenching his perfectly chiseled muscles. He flexes as the camera goes up and transitions from day to night, then comes back down at the campfire ceremony.

I wanna be, I wanna be

I wanna be famous!

Trent is playing his guitar for Gwen, who is entranced by him. He leans forward, a warm smile on his face. As they inch closer, Cody gets between them and places a hand on both of their shoulders, smiling dorkily. The rest of the cast whistles the chorus of the theme song as the camera zooms out to capture them all sitting around the bonfire. The logo appears above them.

Total Drama Island:

The Creeps Cut

Created by VoiceFromUnderTheCovers and Crimson Candy.


We begin the morning in the girls' cabin. Gwen pulls her shirt over her head to finish dressing, Eva pumps some iron double time, Izzy juggles rubix cubes and Heather comes in after a nice, hot shower, dressed in a pair of blue yoga pants and a red leather jacket, more of Lindsay's clothes.

"Ah.. that was refreshing. Thanks for letting me go last, ladies."

Everyone ignores her, only looking up at her for a second to see who was at the door.

"Um.. hey, girls! I have something important to tell you." She plays up the sweetness in her voice.

Eva scoffs, looking out the window. Gwen tries to look busy, opening up a poem book to read on her bed. "Look, I know lately I've been a real.. Bitch, to be real with you. But I know I messed up now. I'm apologetic. Especially to you, Gwen. I hope you can forgive me despite everything. You know, because girls stick together."

"If girls stick together, how come you and Duncan conspired to get my man and my best friend, who happens to be a girl, eliminated?" Gwen questions, not looking up from her book.

"Uh- h-he told you about that, didn't he..?" Heather recalls, smiling nervously. "Whatever happened in the past is over. Me and Duncan are no longer working together. Izzy, back me up."

Izzy hangs upside down, fixing the cube effortlessly. "Ummm, why? So you can betray me like you did Lindsay? Like my ex boyfriend betrayed me, or my cat when he ran away, or my high school chemistry teacher when she gave me an F for violent conduct?"

"Um.. Eva, back me up?" Heather practically begs.

"You got me eliminated once before. Not buying what you're selling, low life." Eva grumbles back, throwing her dumbbells up in the air before catching one with her teeth, and the other with her elbow pit. Heather cringes at her performance.

"Ugh! Fine, you're all a bunch of freaks anyway." Heather storms off pitifully, leaving the cabin behind.

"Well, that strategy lasted long." Gwen quips.

(Confessional: Eva)

"After my pathetic performance last challenge, I've decided to up my game. Yeah, so scary movies terrify me, and chainsaws make me freeze like ice. So in response, I'll make my muscles like saw blades and my fists like rumbling thunder. No psycho is ever getting the jump on me again." She grunts, punching a hole in the side of the confessional.

(Confessional end)

Heather walks toward the guys cabin, all three guys outside just hanging out, sipping cans of soda whilst talking amongst each other. Geoff raises his can.

"To DJ. He will be missed." The party dude pours out his drink.

"Right on." Duncan adds, spilling his soda in solidarity. Owen does the same, but suckles down the stream that falls to not waste a drop. Heather locks eyes onto this, an idea coming to her head.

(Confessional: Heather)

"I used to have Owen eating out of the palm of my hand. Literally. But ever since the merge started and Duncan became all buddy buddy with him and Geoff, he's hardly listened to me. I have a hunch that today's challenge is going to be a vote, so I'll need all the help I can get."

(Confessional end)

"Heyyy guys! So sorry about DJ yesterday! He was a friend to me as much as he was to you." Heather greets, a plastic smile on her face.

"He was? He never mentioned you, like ever." Geoff asks, confused. Heather giggles awkwardly, opening her mouth to speak before…

"No he wasn't, you hardly knew him." Duncan corrects, furrowing his brow at her. Heather twitches, but makes sure to keep her cool.

"So, because I know you miss him so much, and because we both know you could use the extra ally with Gwen, Eva and Izzy being such fierce physical opponents, why don't I become your new fourth?"

"Well, no offense, but this is the guys all-" Duncan holds Owen's mouth shut.

"What Owen is trying to say is that we don't trust you, and we don't like you, so get lost." The delinquent speaks for him, taking his hand off with a glare at the big guy.

"Actually, what I was gonna say is-" Duncan and Geoff give him side eye glances. "Oh! Oh yeah, hehe! Yeah, sorry Heather, that's- that's what I meant. Yeah." Owen twiddles his thumbs, looking down at his hands.

"Dang, Owen, that's harsh, dude." Geoff replies sarcastically.

"But I didn't really-"

Chris arrives out of nowhere on his ATV, drifting right next to Heather and interrupting Owen. He pulls out his megaphone. "Good morning, campers! Breakfast is served in the mess hall." The girls exit their cabin to see what's up.

"Ow! You're right next to my ear!" Heather squeaks, covering her ears in pain.

Chris speaks into the megaphone some more. "Sorry! Had to alert the girls of my presence! Just like at the club."

Gwen smirks. "Hey, Chris, care to explain today's challenge?" Heather's eyes go wide before she hides her ears behind her palms again.

"After brekky, dude! Don't let me forget about you and Duncan's advantages today either." Chris yells over the speaker. Gwen nods.

"I'll try not to!" She flashes a thumbs up, the host man driving away.

(Confessional: Heather)

"I'm in no position to make promises to myself right now. Getting rid of Gwen would be great, but also really difficult. Right now, Duncan, Izzy and Eva might just be my biggest problems. I'll have to deal with them before I can cut off Gwen. Let's face it, in a jury vote, Gwen's a lot less popular than either of those lunatics. She's just boring and dry, after all. Hoping my gorgeous fanbase can pull through for me. Am I right, Beth and Sadie? Huh? Oh.." She lays her head in her hands.

(Confessional end)


Owen seems to be the only contestant actually enjoying today's breakfast offering of paste in a bowl. The others gag or look sickened at the meal. Eva swallows, trying to pull her spoon up for some sort of protein, but the paste is so thick and sticky that it has a grip on the spoon stronger than Eva. She looks disturbed. Owen vocally enjoys it, moaning with each bite.

Chris stands before them all, his hands clasped together. Chef watches from behind the counter, enjoying the torturous meal. "Campers, there are only seven of you left on Total Drama Island. After tonight's dramatic bonfire ceremony, six will remain. The jury vote is coming up soon, so look alive!" The host announces.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"What are my chances of winning? I'd say pretty high considering anyone who doesn't vote for me is a dead man! You hear that, previously eliminated contestants? If you don't vote for me, I'll find you!"

(Confessional: Geoff)

"I am so stoked! The final seven, and I'm going all the way dudes! Woohoo! I think I have a good shot at winning. Heck, I won student council president twice and I didn't even make a speech!"

(Confessional end)

"So, what's our challenge for today? I'm down for anything at this point." Eva states confidently, pumping iron instead of eating her disgrossting meal.

Chris smiles fondly. "Glad you asked, Eva. Today's challenge takes a beloved game show from the 60s, one of the most underrated decades of our time-"

"You mean your time." Duncan teases. Gwen and Owen chuckle, while Chris glares.

"I was actually born in the 80s, grew up in the greatest decades your generation won't stop pretending they're nostalgic for." He snootily replies.

"Fair enough." Gwen shrugs.

"...Anyway. More will be explained after breakfast. Meet me at the bonfire ceremony in ten." Chris walks out of the mess hall, leaving the teens to basically wait ten minutes before they could leave. Duncan wasn't having that.

"Screw this." The delinquent stands up and walks out.

"Yeah, this slop sucks." Geoff agrees, following behind him.

Chef growls, walking away from the counter before he loses his temper anymore. "Stupid kids.. Damn probation.."

Gwen and Eva follow behind them, but as Izzy gets up to leave too, Owen grabs her wrist, revealing an orchard of orange Lilies. "Crazy flowers for a wild and crazy girl?"

"Haha.. oh yeah? The kind of girl you leave behind to get murdered in the woods by a maniac with a chainsaw and a hook?" She pulls out of his grip, walking away grumpily. Owen pouts, sitting on one knee sadly. Heather stands up, her time to shine upon her. She picks her bowl of goop up and sits down on the bench next to Owen's defeated form.

"I'm sorry, big guy. It sucks being seen as the bad guy, even when you try to reform, doesn't it?" She says, feigning empathy.

"I panicked back in the woods. It was the wrong thing to do, but I never wanted Izzy to get hurt.." Owen whimpers.

"Of course not, big guy! Nobody thinks that. Not even Izzy." Heather rubs his back comfortingly.

"Really..?" He peaks up at her.

"Well, we can convince her you have nothing but love for her in your heart and that you never meant to put her life in danger.. But first, I need a little favor."

"Oh, uh, I dunno, Heather. Duncan told Geoff and I that our alliance is supposed to be exclusive."

"Alliance?" Heather's eyes go wide open.

(Confessional: Owen)

He facepalms himself. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

(Confessional end)

"P-please don't tell Duncan! I wasn't supposed to have said anything!" Owen begs, hugging Heather's legs.

"Owen! Buddy, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." She rubs his head, even if her face betrays her actions.

"Oh.. cool!" He smiles nervously, looking around to see if the guys or anyone else can hear them. "Um.. so what's the favor that you wanted?"

"In exchange for helping me win today's challenge by any means necessary, I will personally coach you on how to land any girl you desire." Heather proposes.

"Ooh, that's like a cheat code for social situations! That would be awesome!" Owen exclaims.

"But you obviously can't let Duncan or Geoff know. Keep yourself zipped and keep cool." She puts her hand on his shoulder.

"Cool, cool, right! I can be cool!" He nods. She's unsure, but decides she has no choice.

"Perfect. If it's a vote, convince your little alliance to go for Eva or Gwen. I'm sure by the end of today, you'll be a lady killer and one step closer to the final two."

"Alright! This deal sounds awesome!" He stands up.

"Perfect. I'll tell you all about what I know about girls as soon as the challenge is over. Speaking of, we should probably get going." She stands up, too.

"Oh, are you gonna finish your paste?" Owen asks ravenously.

"It's all yours, buddy." Heather pushes the bowl of mush towards Owen, who sits down on the bench to wolf down the mediocre meal. She cringes, disgusted as she walks away.

(Confessional: Heather)

"So, Duncan's got his own little guy's alliance.. Why am I not surprised?"

(Confessional: Owen)

"I know going behind the guys' backs is awful! But I really need Izzy back. We still haven't even done the deed yet, and come on, if I'm losing my purity to anyone, I want it to be with her. Er.. that sounded wrong. Anyway, I really like her!"

(Confessional: Owen)

"You know what else? I'm in the final seven! I just realized that! Can you imagine me? Winning? Haha! That would be awesome. Everyone else here totally deserves it more than me though. Aside from maybe Eva.. She's kinda scary. I'm not afraid of her though!"

"Owen! Hurry it up in there!" Eva shouts, knocking on the door. Owen shrieks..

"Just about doooone…"

(Confessional end)

At the bonfire, Chris, wearing a blue tuxedo, stands behind his podium as the contestants walk into the area before him. "Welcome to the third purge challenge of the season, campers!"

Heather is shocked. "Another one?"

(Confessional: Heather)

"Dammit! My plan! Ugh. Fine then, change of plans. Time to win immunity."

(Confessional: Gwen)

"I don't know. I guess I have a chance. Let's put it this way: if I didn't think I could win, do you really think I would be in this dump? Putting up with the revolting food, giant bugs and cameras in your face all day is one thing. But Heather? Only a hundred-thousand dollars could make me live with her."

(Confessional: Heather)

"I assume I'm the favored to win. I mean, look who's left: A criminal, weird goth girl, a human trash compactor, a complete rageaholic, a psycho hose beast and Geoff. And the only reason he's still around is because he's a 'nice guy'. Whoop-dee-doo! This is a competition, not high school. And I'm here to win. That being said.. If I win, I will personally share the cash prize with anyone who voted for me! See? I can be selfless."

(Confessional end)

"That's right! And it may or may not be the last! Hehe. So, play your best, don't rely too much on your friends, but keep them in your thoughts. Because today's challenge is all about what you know about them." Chris sways his hand toward the chairs. "Contestants, please take a seat. It's time to play.. Geoffardy!" Everyone sits down in the seats marked with their names.

"Uh, isn't it called Jeopardy, Chris?" Owen asks.

"Shh! You want me to get sued? This is a legally distinct, ulterior version parodying esteemed game show Jeopardy. A tribute, or mockery or whatever. For free use purposes." Chris explains.

"It's the only thing 'free use' on the island." Gwen insults, looking at Heather with a grin. Heather gasps.

"You cocky bitch! Chris, explain the rules of the game!" Heather shouts.

"Hold on, ladies! Where's the fire? I figured I'd explain why the game is called Geoffardy first." The host says.

"It kinda sounds like my name, haha." Geoff laughs.

"That's because I decided to dedicate this challenge not only to incredible idol of mine Alex Trabeck, but also the beloved icon of the game and current fan favorite, Geoff!" Chris states, motioning towards the party dude.

"I'm the fan favorite?! Me?!" Geoff exclaims, excitement in his eyes.

Chris walks towards Geoff's seat, the other contestants looking at him knowingly. "Sure are, bro. We took a poll on the TDI website, and you came up first as most favored to win."

"Not that I care at all.. But where did I end up on that list?" Eva asks.

Chris smirks. "Dead last. Hehe, looks like throwing tantrums isn't the greatest way to win favor with the fans."

(Confessional: Eva)

"I will destroy all of you! Do you hear me?!"

(Confessional: Geoff)

"I cannot BELIEVE it! You dudes rock!"

(Confessional end)

"What about me?" Duncan asks.

"Third to last, next to Gwen. You guys are too moody and 'doomur..' or something. Our second and third fan favorites are Owen and Heather."

"Heather?! Seriously?" Gwen questions.

"Ha! My fanbase knows a girlboss when they see one." Heather crosses her arms, smirking.

"You're not a girl boss though! You're a psycho on a power trip." Gwen yells.

"Can't you see that that's what people want from reality TV? Come on, Gwen." Chris says. Gwen slumps in her seat.

"Ugh.. I know."

(Confessional: Heather)

"So Geoff is the most favored contestant to win? Interesting.. Very interesting. Looks like I know who to get booted this time."

(Confessional: Duncan)

"Seriously? Geoff? ..Eh. I get it."

(Confessional end)

"Anyway.. Before we get anymore sidetracked, allow me to explain the rules of this legally distinct game." Chris starts, Chef pushing a cart with pieces of blue paper tacked onto a corkboard. "There are seven categories for seven contestants. Each category represents one of you, and to win the game you must answer trivia questions about your fellow castmates. There are five difficulties for each contestant, one being the easiest and rewarding one points for guessing right, and five being the hardest, most personal trivia about you we could scrounge up, which is worth five points." Everyone looks disturbed, except Izzy.

(Confessional: Izzy)

"I have nothing to hide. That's probably why I won't be voted out in the jury vote! Do I have a chance of winning? Um, duh! Look at me! I'm wicked stylin, I get along with everyone, plus I know everybody's secrets! I'm a total apex predator."

(Confessional end)

"Can we answer questions about ourselves?" Geoff asks.

"Nope, this challenge is all about how well you know your fellow castmates. To answer a question, instead of buzzers like the show we're parodying, I'll be deciding turn order by most favored to win, to least favored. That's Geoff, Owen, Heather, Izzy, Duncan, Gwen and last but certainly not least, Eva."

"Outcasts stick together, eh?" Eva whispers, bumping Gwen's shoulder.

"Sure. If you need help, ask me. I know my fair share of Owen, Heather and Duncan." Gwen whispers back. Eva smiles.

"What decides who loses?" Heather asks.

"You lose if you have the least amount of points by the time the board is clear. Most points wins the whole shabang and a small reward."

"Tell us what we get if we win! Tell us what we get if we win!" Izzy exclaims, bouncing on her chair wildly.

"For your reward, you'll be treated to a feast of all your favorite foods. You may share your reward with a friend, but that's optional!" Chris explains.

"Oh man.. Don't tease me like that, Chris! I don't work well when I'm hungry!" Owen yelps.

"Alright, any more questions?" Nobody raises their hands. Instead, Heather tugs at Owen's arm.

"Hey, when I need your help, I'll stomp on your foot. We need to stay in the game, okay? Or else I can't help you with Izzy." Heather whispers in his ear.

"Oh, right! Okay!" Owen nods, giving her a thumbs up.

Duncan glares at them, shaking his head.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"Alright, so either Heather's threatening Owen into working with her, she's begging for help like a total desperado or he's gullible enough to help her regardless of intent. Either way, someone's gonna need to knock some sense into him once this is over."

(Confessional end)

"Alright, let's begin Geoffardy! Geoff, you're up first." Chris says.

Geoff scratches his sharp chin. "Uh.. I pick Owen #4."

Chef pulls open an envelope, putting his reading glasses on. "Ahem. How much does Owen weigh?"

"Oh come on, that's what you lead with?" Owen complains.

Chris acts innocent. "I didn't pick the questions." He drops the act when Owen looks at him suspiciously. "Well, okay, yes I did."

Geoff scratches the back of his head. "Uh… I think you told me one time. It's 190, right?"

"Wrong! 298 was the correct answer." Chef corrects.

Gwen: 3, Duncan: 2, Geoff: 0.

"You really believed 190?" Duncan asks.

"Uh, I'm not really good with numbers. Besides, that's what Owen told me." Geoff says, everyone looking at the big, softly giggling boy.

"Haha.. w-what can I say, it's been a while since I could see the numbers on my scale."

"That's pretty big, I guess.." Izzy trails off, rolling her eyes with her hand under her chin. Heather leans into Owen's ear and whispers to him. He nods.

"Uh, Chris, maybe we could give the others an example of just how big I really am?" Owen questions.

"What are you talking ab-" Owen rips his shirt off completely, exposing his flabby belly, hairy armpits, colossal man boobs and happy trail leading up from his trousers. Chris and Chef exchange an uncomfortable look, while the other contestants look completely weirded out. Izzy bites her bottom lip, folding her arms to look away.

"See? What did I tell you?" Heather whispers.

"Um.. okay. That was, something. Owen, you gonna pick a difficulty or should I boot you now for freaking everyone out?" Chris asks.

"No, no, it's cool! Um.. I pick Izzy #4!"

"Only 4? Ha! I'm so not impressed." Izzy feigns.

Chef pulls out the next card. "What is Izzy's IQ?"

"Oh gosh, what's an IQ again?"

"Seriously?"

"Well, Chris, they are pretty outdated. IQ tests are inherently sexist and racist, and haven't been used by professionals in years."

"Okay, Ms. bleeding heart. Owen, you gonna give a guess, or what?" Chris impatiently asks.

"...Um… One hundred.. One hundred and eighty eight?"

Chef's jaw drops, the answer before him. "Wow. That's correct." Owen jumps out of his seat, cheering. Everyone else is also shocked.

Owen: 4, Geoff 0.

"What? How did you know that?"

"Two eight's side by side looks like pretzels, a-and I know how much you like pretzels." Owen answers, twiddling his thumbs.

Izzy looks dreamily at him before shaking her head in denial. "...You're good. But not good enough!"

"You're getting to her." Heather whispers. Owen smiles ear to ear.

"Heather, you're up."

Heather drums her nails against the table. "Hm.. Gimme Gwen #2"

(Confessional: Gwen)

"I'm not sure if I should be afraid or relieved. Either she'll get this totally wrong or she knows way too much about me."

(Confessional end)

"Who did Gwen pop her cherry for?" Chef reads suggestively.

Gwen gasps. "THAT'S one of my questions?!"

"Oh, too easy. Trent." Heather answers, cockily smirking.

"That's an easy two points for Heather, putting her in second place." Chris announces.

Owen: 4, Gwen: 3, Duncan: 2, Heather: 2, Geoff: 0.

"Ooh, I wonder if Heather's questions are as personal! Chris, I pick Heather #3!" Izzy states. Heather gasps, a hand over her mouth.

(Confessional: Heather)

"How much do the producers know about me? How did they get the info they know? Who do I need to hunt down when the show's over?"

(Confessional end)

"True or false: Heather's hair is made up of extensions?" Chef questions.

Heather looks outraged. "What?! That's-"

"Ah, ah, ah.. Izzy, your answer?" Chris asks.

"Ahahaha! Oh my gosh, if that's true that is hilarious!" Izzy snorts, continuing to giggle. "Okay, okay, I choose false."

"Huh? That's correct."

Owen: 4, Gwen: 3, Izzy: 3, Duncan: 2, Heather: 2, Geoff: 0.

"Yeah, why would it be true? My hair is natural and beautiful, like a waterfall." Heather says.

"How did you know, Izzy? I would have gone for true." Gwen asks, curious.

"Oh, I studied you all while I was gone! Heather said in the Brunch of Disgustingness challenge that her mom always does her hair and make-up, but Heather has never been shown on camera doing anything with bonding agents or glue or whatever! So obviously it really is natural."

"Wow. That's not creepy at all." Heather says, folding her arms as chills run up them.

"I just pay attention! I had to since you were always hounding me and Lindsay!" Izzy exclaims.

"Wait, but how did you watch the episodes while you were on the island?" Duncan asks.

"Uh.. internet?" Izzy shrugs. Eva scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"Can we hurry this up?"

"Yes, we may. Duncan, you're up."

"Hm.. I'm gonna need a big point jump if I wanna get that smokin' hot reward. Gimme Geoff #5."

"Aww, you really think you know me that well, dude?" Geoff smiles like a puppy dog at his friend.

Duncan looks away. "Uh, sure. Whatever."

"For five points.. In 2nd grade, Geoff cried on what holiday?"

"What? Who told you that? Evan? Ms. Phillips?" Tears well in Geoff's eyes before he hides his face under his hat. "Ugh, I can't, man!" Owen pouts, putting an arm over his friend's shoulders.

Duncan is startled by Geoff's response. Then he thinks back to a few nights ago. He sighs. "Is it.. Was it Mother's day?"

"Correctamundo! How sad. Sorry, dude, that one was kinda low hanging fruit. Blame your smokin' hot teacher for that one." Chris states.

Duncan: 7, Owen: 4, Gwen: 3, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Geoff: 0.

Geoff takes his hat off of his eyes, looking up at Chris with a wipe of his tears. "I guess you're right. She was pretty hot."

"Gwen. Take your pick."

"As long as I have more than 2 points, I should be fine. I'll play it safe. Duncan #3."

Chef smirks. "What was Duncan's gooiest, sweetest deed on the island?"

Duncan blushes. "Really? We're going there?"

Gwen grins. "Oh I know. Courtney made sure we all knew that night you two made off with all those desserts. When Geoff and Bridgette got DJ's bunny killed, Duncan found a new one to replace him so DJ wouldn't be sad."

"Aww.." Izzy and Owen coo. Duncan is floored. Heather, Chris and Chef laugh.

"S-she told you that?" The criminal stammers.

"We saw it on TV." Eva states. Geoff laughs awkwardly, still guilty about the whole thing.

"Uh, Eva saw it on TV!" Izzy deflects.

"Yeah. Whatever." Eva replies.

"That is correct. I would have also taken the answer of 'the time he saved DJ's first bunny instead of killing him when he finally got his hands on him.'"

Duncan: 7, Gwen: 6, Owen: 4, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Geoff: 0.

"Oh yeah, Courtney did say something about that! You're not as bad as you seem, D-man."

"Shut it! I'm.. I'm just cool with animals. Alright?"

"Sure.. Hehe!" Owen says.

"Alright, let's see.. I'll take Gwen #1." Eva says.

(Confessional: Eva)

"People really aren't my strong suit. I was bullied mercilessly in school by the preppy chicks, until I fed them their own panties for breakfast. That showed them. Even still, they decide to provoke me. They record it and post it online and laugh just before I smash their phones over their skulls. I need to work on my anger issues.."

(Confessional end)

"Gwen's greatest talent is..?" Chef asks.

"Easy, art. Sketching to be specific. She's pretty good." Eva states, smiling at Gwen. She smiles back.

"That's correct! 1 point Eva. Geoff, buddy, might wanna aim high for this one." Chris replies.

Duncan: 7, Gwen: 6, Owen: 4, Izzy: 3, Gwen: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0.

"Alright.. Let's do Duncan, #4!" Geoff exclaims.

"What did Duncan go to juvie for?" Chef asks.

Duncan glares at Geoff. "Uh… I don't uh.. I don't think I should say."

"You could be eliminated otherwise. Never understood that whole friends over money thing, to be honest. But hey, it's your funeral, dude."

"...W-wait! I know." Everyone looks at him, anticipating something really bad. "It was spray painting." Geoff lowers his head.

"Wrong! He had to clean up his graffiti for that crime. He didn't spend a second behind bars. But, in the interest of drama, I'll keep the real answer a secret."

"Oh, come on!" Geoff groans. Duncan rolls his eyes.

Duncan: 7, Gwen: 6, Owen: 4, Izzy: 3, Gwen: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0.

"What's with the personal questions, dude? How about 'what's on Duncan's shirt?' 'What's Duncan's favorite midnight snack?' 'What's the name of Duncan's pet spider?'"

"Those questions are boring. These are entertaining! Speaking of which.. Owen! You're next." Chris demands.

"Izzy #2!"

"Who did Izzy make out with last episode?" Chef asks.

Owen can't help but giggle, pointing at himself.

"Correct!" Chris proclaims. Izzy blushes, fanning herself.

Duncan: 7, Gwen: 6, Owen: 6, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0.

"S-so not wet right now! Nuh-uh! Dryer than the Sahara down there!" Izzy denies, shaking her head while crossing her legs.

"Aww, you can't fool this nose, Iz! Come on, say you like me!" Owen states, leaning over Heather to reach her. Heather looks disgusted, smacking Owen across the face.

"Eugh! Heather, quick, before they start shagging here and now." Chris gags.

Heather stands up, tapping her chin. "Owen #4."

Chef clears his throat. "Who does Owen fear most on the island?"

Eva, Duncan, Heather and Gwen all look at the big guy. In his childish mind, they all wear horns, devil wings and wield pitchforks, cackling evilly. Izzy and Geoff, on the other hand, look like angels, with big wings, halo's and blushy cheeks. He shivers.

"..Hm. Is it.. Duncan?" Heather asks cautiously.

"Wrong. It's Eva." Chef corrects.

Duncan: 7, Gwen: 6, Owen: 6, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0.

"Why? I've never done anything to you." Eva asks, slightly offended.

"So far..!" Owen yelps.

(Confessional: Eva)

"Yeah, it's time to work on my anger. When the nicest guy on camp finds you scary, it's time to work on yourself. From now on, no more punching people."

An intern opens the confessional door. Eva socks him in the face, and he falls to the ground, clutching his face in pain. "Dude, knock!"

(Confessional end)

"Damn!" Heather curses, sitting back down with a pout. She looks at Owen. "Next time, tell me the answer."

"Yes, ma'am!" Owen whispers back, saluting her.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"First Owen's talking to Heather, now Geoff is telling my secrets? Can't trust anyone in this dump anymore. And Courtney? You and I are gonna talk when I get back to your place. I mean.. When I have service. Ugh."

(Confessional end)

Izzy's up next. "Gimme Eva next, #4"

"Hmph. Shoot. I have no secrets."

"Eva is questioning her sexuality, true or false?" Chef asks. Eva's eyes go wide, looking between Gwen and Izzy.

"T-that's ridiculous! I like men."

"Oh, yes she is." Izzy enthuses.

"Well, technically, we have no proof. So it's false. But her reaction is pretty telling." Chris says, a smirk on his face.

Duncan: 7, Gwen: 6, Owen: 6, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0.

"Ah, trick question!" Izzy swats the air with a smile. She winks obnoxiously at Eva, who simply scoffs and looks at Gwen.

"Don't listen to her. I only want chicks. I mean dudes. I'm into shy guys." Eva curses under her breath.

"Uh, yeah, no problem, dude." Gwen replies.

"Duncan?"

Duncan points up at Gwen's. "Gimme Gwen #5. I'm hoping to score double gold."

"The holy grail of Gwen trivia: Behind Trent, who does Gwen find most physically attractive on the island?"

Gwen looks startled. "Aha.. um.. How can you determine that?"

"We're always watching you, your behavior, your eyes and your body language. If Duncan's smart, he can figure it out." Chris replies. Duncan scratches his soul patch, squinting between the contestants left.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"To my knowledge, Gwen's straight. So that eliminates half the answers right off the bat. Couldn't be that weirdo Ezekiel, or that shrimp Cody, and probably not Tyler, Geoff or DJ either since jocks aren't her type. Nobody but Izzy finds Owen sexy, and then that leaves me, Noah, Justin and Harold. Harold and Noah are dweebs, so I didn't think it was them, but then there's Justin, and that pretty boy's got everyone around his finger, including herself. Sure, Gwen's checked me out a few times, who wouldn't? But…"

(Confessional end)

"Justin."

"Correct. That guy's got everyone thinking about him. Duncan's on a roll." Chris replies.

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 6, Owen: 6, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0

"I don't mean to be a conformist or anything, but can you blame me? His eyes are like deep, blue oceans.."

"I know, right..?" Owen agrees, both of them sighing dreamily together. Izzy grits her teeth, growling.

(Confessional: Izzy)

"Jealous? Who's jealous, I'm not jealous! Haha!" Twitch, twitch!

(Confessional end)

"Gwen, you're up to bat." Chris states.

"I like my odds with Heather. Let's try difficulty #4."

"What is Heather's greatest fear?"

"Sumo wrestlers. We all saw how she handled that."

"That's a difficulty number 4 question?! Puhlease!" Heather rolls her eyes.

"Well, it is deeply personal. Is it because your uncle became one when he left the family forever, leaving you alone at Christmas while your parents partied hardy at a friend's house, and your siblings locked you in a closet?" Chris asks rhetorically. Heather looks traumatized, rocking back and forth.

"Jesus.." Eva mumbles.

"Yeah, that was maybe too far. Anyway, Gwen you've got second place!" Chris announces.

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 10, Owen: 6, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 1, Geoff: 0.

Eva's up. "Izzy #1."

"Where was Izzy between her elimination and now?" Chef quizzes.

"Oh, perfect. She was at the Playa Des Losers resort where we all go when we get eliminated." Eva states, confident with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Wait, what?" Geoff questions, everyone else just as confused.

"Correct!" Chris declares.

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 10, Owen: 6, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 2, Geoff: 0.

"Eva! You said you wouldn't tell!" Izzy blurts, pulling at her hair, but not hard enough to do any damage to herself.

"I'm bad with people. That includes secrets. I'm not going home today. Sorry, Izzy." Eva gives her the cold shoulder.

"Ugh, you do suck with people! Yes, yes, I lied about being in the woods." Izzy explains.

"Was the RCMP thing a lie too?" Heather asks.

"Oh no, that was real. But Chris paid off my criminal charges so I could eventually return, so I had to at least pretend that I was stalking the woods!" Izzy answers.

"Wait, what's the Playa Des Losers?" Duncan asks.

"Not important until you're eliminated, that's what. Geoff, come on, man, redeem yourself." Chris says.

"Okay.. this one's for DJ! Gimme Duncan #5!" Geoff yells.

"Another Duncan? Okay.." Chef starts. "Why does Duncan dye his putrid mohawk green?"

"I'll show you putrid, Hatchet!" Duncan threatens, shaking his fist threateningly. Chef chuckles, not taking him seriously.

"Oh crap, I know this one for sure! So when Duncan was a niblet, he had this brother who helped him find an outlet for his anger. His brother had green hair back then, and he inspired Duncan so much that he ended up dying his hair just to be closer to his bro." Heather and Heather are shocked.

"That.. is really cute." Gwen says.

"Yeah. Like, uncharacteristically adorable." Heather adds.

"Shut up and give Geoff his five points." Duncan jabs a finger at McLean.

"Whatever you say, little bro." Chris taunts. "Geoff is now above Heather, Izzy and Eva."

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 10, Owen: 6, Geoff: 5, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 2.

"Yeahya!" Geoff cheers.

Owen picks his. "Izzy #3!"

"Ugh." Izzy scoffs.

"Hey, buddy, don't give her so much attention after this one. She'll be begging for it after you ignore her for a while." Heather whispers into Owen's ear.

"Oh! Okay." Owen nods.

"True or false.. Izzy could beat me in a fight?" Chef questions, disgusted with the question he didn't write. Chris shrugs.

"Oh, I-"

Chris puts his hand over Izzy's mouth. "Shush! Owen, go ahead, man."

"Obviously she could! What kind of question is that?!" Owen shrieks. Izzy smiles.

"See?"

"As much as Chef hates to admit, she's got the moves. Correct, Owen." Chris states.

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 10, Owen: 9, Geoff: 5, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 2.

Owen gives Izzy romantic eyes, catching her ogling him. She shakes her head and closes her eyes, punching her cranium.

"Heather?"

"I'm dead last, so.. Owen #5."

"Ooh.. What is Owen's greatest sexual fantasy?" Chef asks, a loud stinger erupting in as much disgust as the contestants.

"Uh.. what?" Gwen questions.

Heather slowly looks up at Owen, stomping his foot lightly. He grins like an idiot, miming a scene of him scooping something with one hand, while the other forms a circle, his tongue licking the inside while his hips thrust forward. Heather is still puzzled.

"Uh… A rimjob threeway?" Heather unsurely answers.

"What the hell is a rimjob?" Eva asks.

"It's when you throw your legs behind your head and let someone lick your ass." Izzy answers without skipping a beat. Eva frowns at her.

(Confessional: Duncan)

"No matter how unhelpful he's being, Owen's definitely helping Heather out. I might have to drop him next challenge.. Can I though? It'd be like putting down the family elephant."

(Confessional end)

"Wrong! The correct answer is-"

"I don't think anyone wants to know." Gwen interrupts.

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 10, Owen: 9, Geoff: 5, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 2.

Izzy is close to bursting. She can't take it anymore. She throws her hands up. "I do! I do!"

"Aww, Izzy! You're- I-I mean, whatever." He mimics Duncan, folding his arms and closing his eyes. Heather smirks as Izzy's face falters.

"O-Owen!? Look, I forgive you, please, please tell me your greatest sexual fantasy!" Izzy clasps her hands together, begging like a dog.

"It's a trick, keep ignoring her." Heather whispers into his ear. He nods.

"Owweeeeen!" Izzy cries, reaching out in vain.

"Izzy, you're next. Pick a number, please."

But instead of responding, Izzy continues begging for Owen. "I'll do it with you, I'll do ANYTHING with you! God, I'm broken like a faucet over here!"

"Ew.." Eva growls.

"Izzy! You're up." Chris calls. Izzy looks toward the host, heavily breathing.

"U-uh, Owen #2!" Izzy yelps.

"Who is Owen's little buddy?" Chef asks.

"Me! I'm his little buddy!" She points at herself, her eyes bugging out. Owen opens his eyes to look at her, feeling bad.. And horny.

"Wrong. It's Noah. Come on, that was an easy one." Chris patronizes.

Duncan: 12, Gwen: 10, Owen: 9, Geoff: 5, Izzy: 3, Heather: 2, Eva: 2.

"UUuuuuugghhh, I can't take it anymore!" She yelps, running toward the confessional. Everyone looks between each other.

"Did.. did she just quit the challenge?!" Chris questions, frustration in his voice.

"I think she went to.. Rub one out." Chef whispers.

"Ugh! Seriously? On MY time? That's it, Izzy officially forfeits." Chris states.

"W-what?! You can't do that, she'll get eliminated." Owen panics, breaking his silence.

"Thank god it's over. Does that mean I win the reward?" Duncan asks.

"Hold on, Chris, fat boy makes a good point. I'll go down and check." Chef says.

"Ugh, fine. If she IS though, she's outta here. If it's just explosive diarrhea, I'll let her continue." Chef nods in understanding before walking towards the outhouse. Owen bites his fingernails, while Heather holds back her greatest triumphant laugh.

"Oh no, I might have gotten Izzy eliminated!" He yelps.

"You didn't do anything. That girl is simply crazy. But hey, she's also crazy for you. That's what we wanted, right?"

"I… I guess."

"When the game is over, you can finally fulfill your.. Strange fantasies. I'm sure she'll take you back if you ask her at the Boat of Losers."

"Pretty cool you got a girl to go that wild for ya, dude. You scored for sure." Geoff compliments, nudging Owen.

"I did..? Haha! I guess I did! Aw man, I hope she isn't mad at me once she climaxes.."


The sounds of moaning, an intense slapping sound and guttural screams that can only be produced by someone with a libido the size of China erupt from the outhouse. Chef's eyes go wide. He knocks on the door.

"Yo, Izzy.. you uh, taking a crap in there?"

"OH, OWEN! Stuff me with ice cream and slurp it all out with your giant tongue!~ I want it in my belly button! Get my fucking belly button pregnant!"

Chef's face goes pale. He slowly backs away.


It's dusk at the Dock of Shame. Izzy, with a satisfied look on her face and her luggage in her hands, looks back at her ex castmates and host. Chef waits for her in the Boat of Losers.

"Well, we all gotta go sometime, am I right?" She says, smiling.

Owen reaches out, a few feet in front of her. "Wait, Izzy! Before you go.. Could I maybe be your boyfriend? Or at least have your number?"

She squints at him. "You shoved me into a killer's chainsaw, made me lose out on $100,000 and made me go into a hypersexual frenzy on international TV and you think I'll just GIVE you my number?! Nuh-uh, big boy! You want me? Come find me!" She throws a smoke bomb down at her feet, forcing the contestants around her to cough and wheeze.

"But I don't know where you live!" Owen yells between coughing fits. Once the smoke clears, Izzy and the Boat of Losers are completely gone. Owen lowers his head sadly.

"How can I go on without her?! She was gonna take my purity!" Owen cries, dropping to his knees.

"Dude, she's at that Playa thing! You can totally find her when the show is over, or if you get eliminated." Geoff reassures.

"Oh yeah.. Cool." He grins, his innocence returned.

"Duncan, dude." Chris starts, recovering from the bomb as he clears his throat. "Your feast is ready. A banquet of bacon double cheeseburgers, fatty french fries, a strawberry milkshake or two and pumpkin pie. Want anyone to join you?"

Geoff and Owen look at their delinquent alliance leader with puppy dog eyes. Duncan turns away from them. Geoff lowers his head and sighs, while Owen wails. Heather makes kissy and winky faces at him, while Gwen and Eva seem to not care so much. He approaches the duo, passing Heather.

"You two buzzkills wanna split a few double bacon cheeseburgers?" Duncan asks them.

"Ugh, whatever." Heather walks away, completely uninterested now.

"Are you serious? Why us?" Eva questions.

"Because neither of you care, and the rest of these clowns can't be trusted." Duncan answers, jabbing his finger at the two behind him.

"Dude.. is this about the whole mohawk thing?" Geoff asks behind him.

"Your time is coming, Mr. Popular Vote." Duncan growls, pointing at the blonde with vigor. Geoff pouts, walking away.

"Wait, can't I just have one fry? One shake? One burger?" Owen pleads. Duncan shakes his head.

"I'm down. Just know that there's no expectation of an alliance from this." Gwen says.

"There isn't. I need a break from strategy." Duncan replies, ignoring Owen.

"Then by all means."

"Your food is set up at the bonfire." Chris tells them as the three walk away. Owen falls to Duncan's feet, clinging to his ankles.

"Pleeeease, Duncan! I don't know what I did wrong!"

"Talking to Heather. Without my knowledge. About strategy! Look, we can still be friends dude, but you need to learn not to go behind my back." Duncan explains, struggling to leave his grip.

"I'm so sorry, please let me come with you!"

"No, Owen! Just eat the slop Chef made and quit whining." Duncan kicks Owen's hands off of his ankle, walking away with the girls. Gwen and Eva don't say anything, mainly because they can empathize with his betrayal.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Gwen says, taunting Duncan. He rolls his eyes.

"I said sorry, didn't I?" Duncan says.

"So did he." Eva points out. Duncan looks back at Owen, watching him cry before rolling his eyes and biting the bullet.

"Owen, come on."

Owen wipes his eyes. "W-what, really?"

"Yes. Promise me you won't work with Heather again and I'll let you eat SOME food." He says between about a thousand eye rolls.

A smile returns to his face as he stands up. "Oh yes! Yes, yes! Thank you so much, buddy!" Owen squeezes Duncan in a huge bear hug, cracking his bones.

"You-you're welcome…"

(Confessional: Owen)

"I wasn't only upset about the food! I hurt Duncan's trust in me, too. And Izzy had just left the island forever. Today was hard!" He sips on a milkshake. "Mm.. but from now on, what Duncan says goes! Still.. Heather did help me get Izzy back. Why can't I just help both of them?"

(Confessional: Geoff)

"I made a mistake today. Had I kept my mouth shut, I would have been dead last. But Izzy left the game anyway! I didn't need to answer any questions, much less about my bro. At least I still have my fans! Cheer for me dudes!"

(Confessional: Duncan)

"Owen betrayed me. Geoff betrayed me. So why do I forgive one and not the other? Who's to say I do? I need the numbers Owen can provide me with to fight Heather and Geoff. That jury vote is coming up soon, and if I know anything, I'm an unpopular choice to win. Maybe Courtney, DJ and Bridgette vouch for me, maybe. But that's it. Otherwise I'm toast. Popular dude's gotta go."

(Confessional end)

Chris stands by the feasting contestants, getting ready to sign off. "And seven has become six! Will Geoff and Owen be able to win back Duncan's trust? What will Heather do now that nobody likes her? And what devious challenge do I have planned for these weirdos next? Find out all this and more next time on…

Total!

Drama!

Island!"


Mid credits

Izzy reappears in the middle of the Playa, interrupting a massive party. Justin stops mid limbo, with Katie and Sadie holding the stick and Beth drooling over him like a mutt. Courtney and Bridgette, laying on lawn chairs in bathing suits, stop their chatter to look at Izzy. Chef turns off the stereo blasting music that belongs to DJ, and Trent, Ezekiel and LeShawna stop dancing when that happens.

"Hey guys! I'm back! Did you miss me?"

Crickets.

"I missed you, Izzy!" Lindsay hugs her from behind, squeezing her slim stomach.

"Aww, thanks Lindsay!" Izzy smiles, caressing her arm.

"Alright, come on, I need to interview you since I didn't get to last time." Chef states, grabbing Izzy's arm and dragging her away.

"Buh-bye everyone!" Izzy waves.

"What a freak.." Courtney whispers. The party resumes as if nothing happened. Chef sits Izzy down behind the resort at a bench, sitting down across from her like he has for everyone else.

"First question. Full name?" Chef asks.

"You know I'm not stupid enough to give that out! But if you wanna reach me, it's IzzyCrown "

"Likes and dislikes?"

"I like that butterball back there who got me sent home. I also like acting, reading, studying how to make explosives and psychotherapy!"

"...Uh, right."

"And I really really dislike traitors. You know, people who just backstab ya, those people are the worst scum on the planet!"

"Not me though, right?"

"Why, ya scared?"

He glares. "Never. Favorite food?"

Izzy cackles and doesn't stop laughing.

"Nevermind. Dream job?"

She laughs harder.

"Dammit, woman, shut up! You're making me nervous."

"Okay, okay, I wanna be an actress! You got me." Izzy states. "I have a wide range, like wide! I can do impressions, character voices, and I can pretend to be whatever I need to be at any time. Comes in handy!"

"Uh-huh. Last question: What would you have done with the money had you won?" Chef quizzes.

"Oh, Cheffy! You're missing the bigger picture. I didn't join the show to win money! I did it to get something even more valuable." Izzy smirks.

"Oh? What's that?"

She looks around before leaning in. "Cut the camera."

Chef looks at the camera worriedly.. Then his face becomes more serious and he turns it off.

Krrrrr….


Credits continue.