Mercifully, this recap is hosted by Chris, standing at the dock of shame with his hosteous grin. "Last time on Total Drama Island! Yours truly was off hosting a swanky awards show, so Master Chief Hatchet took over, and did quite the lazy job, dropping our final four off in the middle of the woods in nothing but their jammies.
On their trip, the legendary Slender-Man hunted them, and failed to kill them, finding Owen's snack stash more enticing than their souls. Heather seduced Duncan into losing the challenge after Owen went for a pile of sticky buns over the win. In the end, instead of a traditional vote, Chef got to choose who goes home. He chose Duncan, ending a feud some may call iconic!"
Chris smashes his palms together, smirking at the camera. "I bet today's final three challenge will be the most fun yet. Don't believe me? Then I triple dog dare YOU to watch tonight's most thrilling and exciting episode of…
Total!
Drama!
Island!"
The theme song plays over an intro sequence.
The first shot depicts Wawanakwa in full, leading up to a giant cliff and zooming past McLean as he sips a coffee before diving into the water below the cliff.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine.
You guys are on my mind.
We see Ezekiel under water, watching Geoff and Bridgette with a downtrodden look on his face, both of which are staring longingly into each other's eyes until an eagle picks Geoff up by his shoulders and carries him off. Bridgette tries to reach for him, watching him fly away with concern.
You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous.
The eagle drops Geoff down as it soars past the sun. He falls down a few tree branches before landing in DJ's arms, who seconds prior was enjoying nature and the copious animals around him. The animals get violent and attack as soon as their peace is disturbed. DJ and Geoff scream as the former runs with the latter in his arms away from the vicious animals.
Duncan laughs hysterically at the scene, but Courtney glares at him with disapproval, causing him to stop.
I wanna live close to the sun
So pack your bags cause I already won.
Heather is in a canoe with Beth and LeShawna going down the stream. Beth is in the middle, trying to separate the two from dueling. The canoe ends up careening off of the stream and down a waterfall, which makes the teens fall to the water below, passing by Harold as he practices a few fighting poses on a dangerously positioned log overlooking the falls. As he stretches his arms and legs out in a dorky position, Izzy swings in on a vine and knocks into him, bumping directly into an outhouse housing Lindsay, who falls out with her skirt around her ankles.
Everything to prove
Nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Cause I wanna be famous.
Inside the mess hall kitchen, we see Chef preparing some disgusting green soup with his bare hand dipped into the pot. He looks behind him at a tied up Owen and Noah, both looking petrified of whatever Chef is concoting for them. In the mess hall itself, Eva arm wrestles Tyler, easily beating him and dislocating his arm.
Outside on the beach, Sadie and Katie coo over Justin, who is looking at himself in between two mirrors. He winks at one, his teeth glistening.
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
We get a good look at the polluted, muggy, teal waters of Wawanakwa, a few seagulls fighting over a cellphone. Katie swims for it, with Sadie watching from the sand anxiously, but the skinny brown clone of her best friend ends up being terrorized by a shark and swims back to shore as fast as she can.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
Back on the dock of shame, we see Justin strut to the edge before ripping his shirt off, water from the shark splashing towards Katie drenching his perfectly chiseled muscles. He flexes as the camera goes up and transitions from day to night, then comes back down at the campfire ceremony.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
Trent is playing his guitar for Gwen, who is entranced by him. He leans forward, a warm smile on his face. As they inch closer, Cody gets between them and places a hand on both of their shoulders, smiling dorkily. The rest of the cast whistles the chorus of the theme song as the camera zooms out to capture them all sitting around the bonfire. The logo appears above them.
Total Drama Island:
The Creeps Cut
Created by VoiceFromUnderTheCovers and Crimson Candy.
Knock, knock, knock.
Heather stands outside the guys' cabin, hands on her hips. A few seconds pass and she glimpses down at her phone to check the time impatiently. Owen opens the door in his undies, yawning with a big stretch of his arms that reveals his musty, hairy pits and stretch marks hiding just under his belly. Heather recoils.
"Oh, good morning, Heather! What's up?" Owen chirps.
Heather's look of disgust is wiped off as she clears her throat and enters nice mode. "Owen! I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"Oh yeah, but I needed it. I was stuck in this dream where I was eating cake through a straw, and at the center? Fudge! Hehehe!" Owen giggles.
Heather swallows. "That's… great! Sorry to snap you out of it, but I was hoping that I could talk to you. Is that okay, big guy?"
"Of course. What did you wanna say?" Owen steps out of the way of the door.
Heather closes the door behind her and grins. "Do you remember when you were in a rut with Izzy, and I helped you get her back?"
"Yeah, of course, how could I forget?" He happily states.
"And look at us now, in the final three. We've come so far as an alliance." Heather sweet talks, Owen raises his brow.
"An alliance..? Erm, well, I dunno if I'd call us that.."
Heather feigns disappointment. "Really? Are you saying you don't like me, Owen? I'm hurt."
"No, no, no! I-I mean, um.. Well, I was in an alliance with Duncan, Geoff and DJ, but I guess now that they're gone it's okay to say. We never really were in an alliance is what I mean. Before them, I was partnered up with Cody and Noah."
"Noah…" Heather sighs. "You know, I feel so bad that we were enemies."
"You do? That's so sweet of you to say. I'm sure he feels the same way." Owen replies, feeling
"And I'm sure he'd want you to help me get to the final two to bury the hatchet." Heather smirks.
"Oh, uh…" Owen looks around the cabin awkwardly.
"What? You don't think you owe me after Izzy? After helping you shake Duncan?" Heather raises her brow intimidatingly.
"I liked Duncan.." He presses his index fingers together nervously.
"He was always mean about you behind your back, you know. calling you fatty ginormous and lard whale. I tried to call him out on it, but he's just so aggressive that I got too scared." She folds her arms matter-of-factly.
Owen, skeptical, presses his knuckles against his hips. "Uh-huh.. Is that why you stripped him and made him run around in the woods naked?"
Heather goes wide eyed, brushing her left arm as she thinks up a response. "Um.. that was all strategy! Owen, buddy, where's the trust?" She chuckles nervously.
"Ah, Heather.. All I can think about is how you treated Lindsay. You pulled on her hair and made her fall like twenty times." Owen hesitantly replies.
"That- well, she was betraying the alliance!" Heather yells.
"And Beth? I'm pretty sure you just yelled at her a lot until she snapped." He adds. Heather grabs his chest with both hands and glares daggers into his eyes, standing on her tippy toes to stand at his height, her heels stepping on his toes. "O-ow..!"
"You OWE me, Owen. All of the food I've smuggled for you, all the times I tried to help you out of a jam, the time I saved your weirdo little relationship, and now carrying you to the final three? It's time I got something out of this investment you selfish little butterball! If you don't help me, I'll know where your loyalties lie, and when I win, you won't see a dime." She let's go, pushing him onto his back on the floor before opening the door. She turns back as he cradles his skull. "Oh, and Owen?"
"W-what?"
"If you think Gwen is any more trustworthy, just think about how she was just as eager to get her hands dirty and leave you and Duncan for dead."
SLAM!
Heather sighs shakily, hands turning to fists as she marches back to her cabin. She opens the door and heads inside, the creaky wooden door barely closing all the way due to the abuse it's suffered throughout the season. Gwen lounges on her bed, sketching a pile of cash next to a little stick figure of herself.
"Judging by your heaving, you didn't get what you wanted, did you?" Gwen questions.
"Mind your own business, weird goth girl." Heather says with a roll of her eyes.
"Insult me all you want. You're not getting loyalty from Owen with the stick. You gotta use the carrot." Gwen says, coloring.
"I think Trent might have said the same thing while I was riding his dick better than you ever could. Funny!" Heather grins.
Gwen smirks, laughing, which turns into a full on chuckle as she points at Heather, her cheeks red and fuming despite her laughter. Heather glares back at her, keeping her cool. "Oh my god, I am going to ENJOY today!" She wipes a tear from her eye, grinning ear to ear.
"Why? Because you finally get to go home?" Heather asks.
Gwen stands up, inches away from Heather. "Nope. Because today, you are going down ."
"Whatever you say, loser."
"No, not this time. If it's a vote, Owen wants you gone and you're gone. And if it's a purge challenge, I'll make sure that you get sent home personally."
"We'll see about that. Owen knows who he should be loyal to, otherwise he wouldn't be so scared of me." Heather shrugs uncaringly.
"Fear isn't a good motivator." Gwen states firmly.
"Save your breath for the challenge, gothy." Heather shoves her shoulder past Gwen as she walks toward the wardrobe for some deodorant. As she's applying and Gwen is heading for the door…
Krrreeeeee!
The dreaded loudspeaker caws, launching a seagull sleeping inside of it onto the ground, where it hacks up a worm. Both girls cover their ears briefly.
"Good morning, campers! Congrats on making it to the semi finals! Today, we're rewarding you with honest to goodness pancakes, made with fresh ingredients relatively close to their expiration date!"
We see Chef flipping stacks of flapjacks, one so high that it hits the ceiling of the disgusting, moldy and stained kitchen. He grumbles, walking off to grab a shovel, which he uses to scrape the pancake off and back onto a tray with the rest of them.
"Please, report to the mess hall for a decent meal before your semi-final challenge!" Chris exclaims.
(Confessional: Gwen)
She continues sketching, casually crossing her legs as she lays on the closed toilet seat. "So I actually made it to the final three. Just goes to show how far a bad attitude can get you."
(Confessional: Heather)
She applies her lip gloss, once Lindsay's. "Whatever, I knew I'd make it to the end. Big shocker. I just can't believe the weird goth girl and Owen made it. Easy pickings!"
(Confessional: Owen)
"The day started off so good! And then it got really terrifying, but it's like my mom always said, if you wait long enough, and are a good enough boy, great things will come to you… LIKE PANCAKES!"
(Confessional end)
Now in the mess hall, the final three line up for their all-you-can-eat extravaganza. Owen, last in line, chants "We're getting pancakes, we're getting pancakes!" While Heather's tray gets assaulted by the flapjacks. She scowls, leaving the bar to see if these are any good. Gwen gets plated next. As Chef is loading up her plate, she looks toward Owen.
"Owen, you seem happy."
"Of course I am! Hehe, pancakes are being served here! This day rules!"
"Glad to see you're okay. I heard what Heather said to you earlier today. Get better soon, buddy." She looks back at her stack as Owen's face becomes conflicted again. The top pancake has dust, a band-aid and a strand of orange hair on it. Gwen gags and offers Owen's her plate. "Here, hopefully this will cheer you up."
"For real? You'd give me your special all-you-can-eat pancakes.." He sniffles. "For free?" Heather gasps, watching as Gwen puts a hand on Owen's shoulder as he let's himself whimper for her.
"Yeah, man, it's all good. You'd do the same for me. And besides, the muffins are about the only thing I trust in this place, since they come prepackaged and all." She grabs a muffin by the next table, much to Chef's annoyance, giving Heather a sly smirk as she sits on the table opposite of her. Owen cheers up and eagerly wolfs down Gwen's pancakes before prepping his own tray, food still falling out of his maw.
"You heard the host-man dude, all-you-can-eat! Tee me up!"
Chef growls, throwing the entire supply of expired pancakes into Owen's face. He opens his mouth and squeals as they fall onto his face, pecs and down his throat.
(Confessional: Owen)
"Oh man, Chef's such a sweetheart! If I win the hundred thousand, I'm totally gonna get a lifetime's supply of pancakes, so that every morning I can wake up and have… pancakes! Eeh!"
(Confessional: Gwen)
"If I win the money, I'm going to use it to burn Wawanakwa to the ground, file a lawsuit against Chris with an army of lawyers for wrongful endangerment, and turn this dump into a sick graveyard."
(Confessional: Heather)
" When I win the money, I think I'll be dumping my parents' place for a mansion, first and foremost. Then I'll start up my own reality show. I've been thinking ' The World According To Heather' has a nice ring to it."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Yeah, the money would be sweet.. But you know what would be sweeter? Making sure Heather loses."
(Confessional: Heather)
"They might as well just give me the check now. I thought before my competition was slim pickings, but my god, look at these two! At least Duncan, Eva, DJ and Izzy were formidable opponents. Gwen? The only challenge she won was the horror movie challenge, and that's only because of her little fetish for psycho stalkers and gorey guts. Owen? His brain might as well be a pancake."
(Confessional: Owen)
"Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!"
(Confessional: Heather)
"Seriously, unless the semi final is a rehash of the disgusting eating challenge, I think I've got this in the bag."
(Confessional: Owen)
"Pancakes, pancakes, haha!"
(Confessional: Gwen)
"You know, between my relationship with Trent throwing me off my game and Heather constantly making jokes about us.. I've kinda softened up on Trent. He cheated on me. I shouldn't just forgive that 'cause I miss him." She realizes what she said. " Missed . I meant missed him."
(Confessional: Owen)
"But you know.. All the pancakes in the world wouldn't be worth it without someone to share them. That's why, I'll save plenty for when Gavin gets older, so me and him can chow down with Johnny and everyone can enjoy pancakes! WOOOOOHOOOO!"
(Confessional end)
In front of the tattered blinds that guarded the No Pain No Game challenge all the way back in episode 17 on the dock opposite of the Dock of Shame, Chris stands before the final three, all of them sitting down at the chairs and tables from the Geoffardy challenge. A thousand studio lights shine down on the group, or at least what seems like that many.
"Campers! Welcome to the semi finals. The producers ran out of insane ways to torture you, soooo they asked your previously eliminated contemporaries for ideas." Gwen looks freaked out, while Heather and Owen look between each other. "Turns out they had a lot! They provided us with the sickest, most twisted, and insane dares imaginable, in TDI's version of…"
The blind is pulled back to reveal Chef in a sexy lavender dress.. And a wheel, similar to the one used in No Pain, No Game! A giant bottle replaces the wooden arrow. "Spin the bottle! The contestants we asked for help were…
Izzy, Trent, Cody, Juuustin, Noah, LeShawwnaa, Lindsay, Beth, Tylerrr, Harooold, DJ, Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan, Courtney, Evaaaa, Katie and Sadie, and! The homeschooled, misogynistic redneck himself: Ezekiel!" The previously eliminated contestants' pictures are pasted around the wheel.
"Put 'em all together and we've got a high stakes game of… I Triple Dog Dare You!" Chris points at the camera enthusiastically, while Chef does jazz hands in the background.
Heather rolls her eyes, arms crossed. Signature at this point. "What is this, grade five? Why don't we just do seven minutes of heaven in a tacky basement closet?"
Owen chuckles. "Yeeeahaha! Good call, let's do it!" Heather smacks him across the face. "Ow!"
Chris continues, having Chef spin the bottle. "Each of you will take turns spinning the bottle. The camper your bottle lands on will determine the dare you perform." The bottle lands on Cody, causing Gwen and Heather to recoil and Owen to clap. "Do the dare and you will earn a freebie, which can be used to skip a dare you find undesirable." Chef carts out fifty or more bottles of soda, all different flavors to represent the freebies. "Alternatively, you may pass the dare on to another player, but be careful, you only get three chances to do so. After that, it's do or die."
"So how do we win immunity? Is it a point based thing?" Heather asks.
"Oh, no. There is no immunity here. This is a purge challenge." Chris announces, earning a gasp from Owen and Heather.
"So then how do you lose?" Gwen asks quickly.
Chris chuckles evilly. "Refusal to do any dare will result in elimination, and the challenge will swiftly end. That's right, it's sudden death, kiddies! And just to remind you of what you're losing by refusing a dare…"
A boatload of money drops from the ceiling, green pieces of envy colored monetary gain, fame and riches filling the eyes of the final three.
Gwen and Heather, both sitting on either side of Owen, glare at one another. "It."
"Is."
"On! AHaha!" Owen pumps his fist. Both girls fold their arms with determination.
"Okay! Who's ready to humiliate themselves first?" Chris asks, standing next to the crossdressing Chef. Heather immediately looks away defiantly, while Owen looks between both girls, and Gwen rolls her eyes.
"Oh, what the heck, let's get this over with." Gwen steps up, both of her contemporaries watching her step up to bat and spin the wheel.
(Confessional: Chris)
"In the Brunch of Disgustingness episode, Chef and I had a bet going where whoever would blow chunks first at the disgustingness of the challenge would owe the other a hundred bucks. Neither of us won though, since we both threw up, so we've doubled the bet: two-hundred for whoever manages NOT to puke."
(Confessional end)
The wheel eventually stops after a few seconds of spinning on Trent. "Great, I wonder what he'll get me into this time." Gwen sarcastically laments.
Chris pulls out a cue card. "Drink a fruit punch mix out of the outhouse toilet."
A music stinger plays in shock and horror as an intern slowly opens the non confessional outhouse, a wave of nauseating smells hitting her until she passes out. Gwen goes wide eyed. Owen giggles bashfully.
"Sorry.. Those pancakes gave me a bit of trouble on the way out…"
"I pass my dare to Owen. No question." Gwen replies, gagging.
"Are you sure? You only get three passes. You don't wanna save that for an even grosser dare down the line?" Chris smirks, leaning forward.
"There can't be anything grosser than that." Gwen states.
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Sure, I could have passed it onto Heather.. But even I have my limits on vengeance. Now, I do, anyway.."
(Confessional end)
"Uh… So does that mean I have to drink out of the bathroom?" Owen asks, raising his hand shyly.
"Well, yes. Either that or walk the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers and leave the hundred thousand bucks behind forever." Chris taunts.
Owen stands up, taking a deep breath. "I'm going in!" He struts toward the outhouse, with Chris and Chef in tow.
"Ugh, disgusting." Heather says. Gwen sits back down in her seat. "Pro tip, forcing Owen to do a disgusting dare early on is a terrible idea if you plan on teaming up with him. Watch and learn."
"Whatever. Like he'd team with you after your explosive tantrum this morning." Gwen blows hair out of her eyes.
The intern who passed out slowly recovers as she hears Owen approaching. She offers the mammoth a tray of pink straws and he selects one. Then she grabs a bucket of Kool-Aid and dumps it into the fecal and urine clogged hole that is the outhouse. Owen takes a deep breath, plugs his mouth with the straw and goes down on the toilet, drinking it up.
Chris and Chef gasp in horror while the Latina intern faints once more, both of their hands finding their mouths as they swallow some bile in the backs of their throats. "Aw, dude.. That is DISGUSTING! I nearly threw up!"
Chef squints at Chris.
" Nearly. " He states.
Chef nods. Owen passes the challenge and we cut back to the wheel. Owen, wiping… unmentionable liquids from his mouth walks up to the wheel next. Heather takes the opportunity. "Owen, I'm so sorry that Gwen put you through that! We should totally pass this next dare onto her, what do you say?"
Owen ignores her, spinning the wheel as he licks his lips. "Mm… Cherry Kool-Aid…"
"OWEN!" Heather belts.
"WAH!" Owen yelps.
Tick, tick, tick… tick!
The bottle lands on Cody. Gwen smirks at Heather's failed attempt at an alliance as Chris reads the next cue card. "Flash your chest at the camera! Woah, risky."
"Are you kidding? That's it?" Owen shrugs, lifting his shirt up at the camera. Chef whistles, Owen's man boobs sagging with sweat built underneath them as he shows them off with a nervous smile.
"That boy could be a model, man!" Chef howls.
"Ehh… Sure, dude. Sure. Owen wins a freebie!" Chris announces. Chef throws him a soda as he pulls his shirt back down.
"Yes! Soda! Wooohooo!" He opens the bottle, allowing for the fizz to shoot down his throat.
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Cody, you are lucky you've done me more harm than good and that Owen isn't as much of a perv as you. Otherwise, I'd be kicking you where the sun doesn't shine."
(Confessional end)
As Owen joins his castmates at their seats, Gwen turns to Owen. "You're a real gentleman, you know that?" She squeezes his cheek affectionately.
"Well it was basically a freebie for a freebie, how could I not?" Owen says.
"Well, you could have forced it onto me or Heather. So thanks for not doing that." She bumps his arm with her elbow.
"...Oh yeah I could have. Heh.. Uh, don't mention it." Owen gives a thumbs up, somewhat uncomfortable. Gwen gives one back as Heather spins the bottle.
It lands on… Duncan.
Chris reads, "Lick Owen's armpit!"
Heather gasps. Gwen goes wide eyed. Owen cringes, slowly raising his arm. A fly buzzes out of the forest inside of there, blonde tufts of fur clinging underneath his rank pit. Heather gags, looking down at the freebie cart and decides to bite the bullet. She swallows as Owen stands up and meets her in the middle. He takes his shirt off once again, dropping his Canadian leaf shirt on the floor before once again spreading his armpit out.
Heather hesitates, mentally preparing herself as everyone looks on in awe. Owen cuts in. "You can imagine that you're licking an ice-cream cone."
"Shut up, Owen!" Heather snaps.
"Minus the BO."
"I'm warning you!" She gives his most unsanitary upper body part a hesitant, dreadful glance before finally sticking her tongue out and swiftly dragging it across the salty, wet, slick and stale tasting crevice.
"...Oh and the pit hair."
"Blegh!" Heather gets so disgusted that she falls on her back and convulses in pure horror. Owen, Chris and Chef look down at her nervously.
"Oh gosh, is she gonna be okay?!" Owen asks.
"I'll help her out, don't worry.." Chef gets down on his knees, brings himself toward her lips and as she screams out in terror he performs mouth to mouth on her. Owen and Chris hug each other for dear life, seemingly just as traumatized.
A few moments after that horrifying experience, Heather looks dazed and glazed over as Chef hands her a freebie. Owen whispers to her, "Sorry, Heather.. But at least you have a freebie now, eh? Eh?"
"Going to kill you.. Use one hundred thousand dollars… to kill you…"
"Huh? I didn't catch that." Owen leans in closer. Heather shoves him away, shaking her head back to reality.
Gwen spins the bottle, smirking as she watches Heather glare. Owen recovers just in time for the bottle to stop at…
"Bridgette. Her dare is.. Perform a split as fast as you can. Chef?"
Chef pulls out a stopwatch and clicks the activation button. Gwen looks down at her giant black boots, then toward a snarky Heather.
"Hah, might as well give up now. I took ballet, you sit in your room all day." Heather insults. Gwen sighs, jumps, stretches her legs, and gasps as the pain of hitting her crotch against the floor forces her to bite down on her lip and roll her eyes to the back of her head. Chris, Chef and Owen cringe, while Heather laughs behind her hand. "I stand corrected.. You, however…"
Chris shakes his head. "Gwen, you good?"
"Y-yeah, Chris.. Peachy." Gwen croaks.
"Okay, she's good to continue." Chris helps her up to her unsteady feet as Chef hands her a freebie. "Gwen wins the freebie!"
(Confessional: Gwen)
"I'd like to take a second to thank Heather for inspiring me to show her who's boss."
(Confessional end)
Owen steps up next, eagerly spinning the wheel. This time it lands on Geoff.
"Two halves make a whole, eh?" Chris quips, taking out Geoff's cue card. "Give a bear a purple nurple."
"A purple nurple? What's that?" Owen asks.
We cut to Owen creeping inside of the cave from Seek and Do Not Destroy, where his bear key was hidden. He tip toes toward the same sleeping bear, kneels down and reaches out to grab its chest. The bear blinks awake as soon as Owen's hands grab fur. It growls, but terrified enough already, Owen twists its nipples, earning a firm backhanded slap that thunder shocks him right out the cave, landing him straight on his side with a scratched up, bleeding cheek.
"Awww… s-so that's how you do a purple nurple.."
Shortly after, Owen returns to the challenge and sits down, Chef handing him his second freebie. "And Owen makes the competition even steamier! Two freebies, nice bruh." Chris announces triumphantly. Owen pumps his fist with a yes!
Heather stands up, but stops to hack up one of Owen's blonde hairs. She slowly takes it out of her mouth before rubbing it off on Owen's arm. He winces before she walks toward the wheel and spins the bottle. It lands on Justin.
(Confessional: Heather)
"It's a miracle they even remembered to put that out of touch nobody on the board! Luckily, his dare was spicy enough for some good old fashioned revenge."
(Confessional end)
"Chew your own toenail.. Slowly." Chris states. Heather turns around, facing her competitors. She points one dominating finger as her long, raven locks flow.
"Gwen. I pass to Gwen."
Gwen swallows nervously, limping to stand before slowly walking toward Chris and Chef. She passes Heather, who bumps shoulders with her purposely, passive aggressively insulting her with "Don't choke on it, honey." Gwen glares at her before Chef pulls up a cutesy pink chair for Gwen to sit on. She sits down, lifts her right leg up and pushes her boot off of her foot. Then off comes the nylon, slowly sliding off of rough pale skin. She raises a blandly plain foot up as Chef's gloved hand reaches down to use a clipper to cut off her nail, landing it safely on a pretty princess plate. He then stands up, offers her the plate and she takes the toenail in between two fingers before forcing herself to take it in her mouth.
She chews, causing Chef to back away and for Heather and Owen to gasp with disgust. Heather manages to grin through her disgust, noticing Gwen's chewing speed. "Ah-ah-ah! He said chew it slowly. "
Gwen stops chewing, furrowing her brows before giving Chris a look. Chris shrugs. She chews. Slowly. And even swallows. "There. Satisfied?" Gwen puts her nylon and boot back on as fast as she can.
"Very. I'm just thinking about Trent watching this, and I gotta say, I don't think he'll be eager to lock lips with you anytime soon." Gwen walks back to her seat, sitting down as she replies.
"You're one to talk, pit breath." Owen giggles while Heather scoffs, looking away like a spoiled brat. The big man watches as Gwen stands up and spins the bottle. It lands on…
"Tyler! Haha, cool! No, seriously. Drop a tray inside of your undies and let 'em melt!" Chris reads.
Gwen shrugs with a snort. "That's it? I can handle that."
Chef comes out with the tray of ice in question, which is actually a bucket filled with coin-like cubes. Gwen swallows, holding her skirt open before Chef looks away and dumps the bucket. Frost escapes her crotch as she bites her lip and hugs her abdomen, the freezing sensation gnawing at her most intimate section like a beaver bites through trees. After an entire minute of this, Gwen eventually drops to her knees and lets a single tear of pain out as water soaks through her skirt.
"Oh… my god." She gasps, slowly standing back up to retrieve another freebie. A victorious fan-fare plays. Owen plays with his two empty bottles as if they were airplanes while Heather gets into his ear.
"Hey, Owen, how about this: you give one of those bottles to me and I'll help you shake Gwen."
Owen raises a brow. "Uh, Gwen? She's a formidable foe, but she's also really laid back. I don't see a reason to do that, especially because earlier.. You were really mean to me, Heather."
Heather rolls her eyes. "Oh my gosh, you betrayed me, hello!" She yells. Gwen sits down next to Owen and shakes her head.
"Carrot, not stick. How about you watch and learn, Heathen. Owen,"
"Yeah?"
"I'll order you twelve party size pizza boxes, toppings of your choice, if I win the hundred thousand, IF you give me one of your freebies." Gwen holds up a singular finger.
Owen looks between both girls, conflicted. Sweat rolls down his head before he stands up suddenly. "OH! Is it my turn already? Hehe.." He awkwardly walks toward the wheel, both girls watching him leave. Heather laughs.
"Great class, teach. Maybe next time you can teach a subject you're good at: bad fashion sense and unpopularity."
"Bite me." She says with a roll of her eyes. Owen spins the bottle, and it lands on…
"Beth." Chris briefly looks down at the cue card. "Rechew a wad of Harold's gum. The same wad he's been chewing since he got eliminated in episode fourteen."
"Oh my god! Gross!" Heather yelps.
Gwen twitches. "Ugh! Why wouldn't he just chew another piece?" Chef comes out with the jar containing a soggy, sad piece of gray (previously red) chewing gum. He opens the lid before grabbing the gum with pliers and holding it out for Owen to take. He grabs the pliers.
"Now, hold on, maybe there's something special about this one, if he's been saving it. Maybe it got him through a hard time. Let me see here." He tosses the gum into his mouth and starts chewing it without a second thought. Chris goes wide eyed, while Chef gags.
"Dude, that's chewed gum. Harold's chewed gum!" Chris says, barely holding it together. Gwen and Heather wince with every heavy chew. It sounds like a putty monster is fighting to destroy Owen's teeth.
Owen moans. "Mm… Full body, a delicate fruity aroma, with a hint of citrus – hahaha! Robust, yet, balanced. Ooh! Summery! Oohohoh! And a crunchy center." He rubs his stomach, looking unnaturally content before he decides to blow a paint-textured, pale bubble before everyone's eyes. It splatters all over his face, shirt and chin. Chef pukes on the spot, hurling into the now empty bucket of ice. Chris clears his throat, taken aback but managing to swallow any bile lingering back of his throat. Chef throws him two hundred dollar bills as he collapses over his bucket to throw up harder.
(Confessional: Chris)
He vomits into the toilet, gasping. "Is there NOTHING these sickos won't do?!"
(Confessional end)
"Owen, once again, ever triumphant, w-wins another freebie! We'll be right back…" The show cuts to commercials as Chris tosses Owen another freebie and bends down to rub Chef's back.
As an intern wipes down Owen's messy shirt and face, Chris looks at the camera. "Welcome back to the semi finals, where our final three is competing in a challenge I like to call 'I Triple Dog Dare You!' Heather, you're up next."
The raven haired girl stands up, fists balled to her sides as she heads for the wheel. With a mighty spin, the bottle eventually lands on Ezekiel.
(Confessional: Heather)
"Whatever the next dare was going to be, I had to take it. I couldn't just let those nerdlings get an advantage on me! And besides, I had already licked Owen's armpit!"
(Confessional end)
Heather, on her hands and knees, watches in terror as a shirtless Owen has grape jelly spoon fed into his puffy belly button. Gwen snickers behind her hand.
"Wow, two for two's gotta suck." Gwen says. Heather doesn't have the strength or wit to fight back. Chef pours in the last of the jelly, earning a giggle from Owen.
"Ooh, that tickles!"
"SHUT UP OWEN!" Heather yells.
"Yeah… Gwen's right – twice in a row's gotta hurt."
"I mean it!"
"Especially since I never wash in there."
"Hagh!"
"You know, Gwen was telling me earlier that there's this thing called karma, and how it always comes back to bring good fortune onto good people, and bad fortune onto bad ones. And since you've been so unlucky… eh, it's probably just a load of baloney."
Heather squeezes her eyes shut and lowers herself closer to his filled up navel. Finally, she buries her tongue into the hole and slurps the jelly as fast as she can. Afterward, she stands up with a stumble, her face covered in grapes. Owen chuckles. "That really tickled! Oh hey, you're not convulsing in horror this time!"
Heather projectile vomits off of the dock and into the water, while Chef watches with disgust and preps her next freebie. Chris slowly blinks. "...Wow. That was just cruel. Heather wins a freebie."
She stumbles all the way back to her chair before collapsing on the table. Gwen shakes her head with a cocky grin. "Guess I'm not such a bad teacher after all. I taught Owen the ins and outs of karma, after all."
"Don't say ins and outs…" Heather groans, holding her stomach nauseously.
"Owen, you're up!" Chris announces. Owen spins the wheel after putting his shirt back on, landing on LeShawna. "Eat dog food."
Owen turns to the other two. "Man, sorry guys! I keep getting all the good ones."
"You think eating.. Dog food.. is good?" Heather asks, a twinge of fear in her voice.
Owen shrugs. "Well, my weiner dog Twinkie loves this stuff! I wanna see what all the fuss is about." Chef brings out a red bowl of dry dog food, mixed with wet dog food, a brown concoction that looks as if it was made in someone's backyard.
"He named his dog Twinkie? Actually, I shouldn't be surprised." Gwen says with a slight roll of her eyes.
From here, a montage begins of the various dares the other contestants could dish out. Heather goes next and gets Harold, who's dare is to dunk her head under water for a full minute, which she dares Owen to do instead, and he passes. Gwen gets a dare from Sadie and Katie, where Chef fills her mouth with hard boiled eggs before she starts slowly chewing them, earning her a freebie. Owen spins the wheel and juggles three freebies in his hand before the bottle lands on Izzy. In a matter of seconds he's electrocuted by electric eels, giggling at the sensation.
Heather has to fight a crocodile, Gwen has to cover her face in mustard and then have Owen lick it off, Heather has to drink Chef's kitchen grease from a glass, Gwen has to chew down on a popsicle stick for five seconds. She nearly gets eliminated during that one.
A graphic of soda bottles spilling over Owen plays overlaid him doing several more degrading challenges, including eating raw meat, chewing the head off of a stuffed bear, washing the kitchen floors with his toothbrush, and milking a cow and then drinking the milk from a rusty bucket. Gwen and Heather's shocked, grossed out expressions tell all.
The montage ends with Owen, Gwen and Heather sitting next to each other. Owen has a sea of empty soda bottles on his table, a collection of maybe thirty gathered by his pudgy arms. Heather has one, and Gwen has a total of zero left.
Chris shakes his head, a bout of nausea coming on. "Woof! Okay, that was hard to watch. Did you guys see that greasy piece roll down his-"
"We don't need the play-by-play!" Heather cuts in.
"Aw, what? It was cool!" Owen snickers before blowing on the tops of the bottles, playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Gwen watches him, dazed, exhausted, miserable. Heather slams her head against the desk in frustration.
"This is the worst challenge yet, McLean." Gwen mutters.
"Better… than staring… at you two all day… Ugh." Heather whimpers, holding her stomach. Gwen and Owen both look down at her, somewhat offended.
"But it's still not over! Which is kinda concerning, because there's only like, ten dares left and Owen has twenty-five freebies!" Chris replies.
Both girls groan. Gwen slowly looks up at Owen, playing Stuck in A Barnyard with his armpit. Heather is down for the count. She yanks his shirt collar forward. "If you help me take down Heather, I'll split my winnings with you. I don't care if I win or lose anymore, as long as that chick goes down."
Owen scratches his chin, looking at the defeated Heather. "But what if you don't win? A-and besides, that's not exactly fair to Heather."
Gwen looks around, shrugging. "Dude, think about it! Heather always berates you whenever she can, she purposely fucked with my relationship with Trent and yours with Noah! Noah warned you constantly about her. Don't you believe your best friend?"
"I guess you have a point… But me and her, w-we're kinda friends! She helped me out with Izzy, and she gives me food. She's nicer to me than most people are outside of the game."
"Why do you think that is?"
Owen stays quiet.
"Lindsay and Beth, dude. That's all I have to say. And hey, if that's not enough for you, I can just swing for a box of donuts after this is all over. I just don't want her to win, and I'll do anything to make that happen." Gwen folds her arms, determination in her eyes. Owen bites his bottom lip, looking between Heather and Gwen as sweat beads down his head.
(Confessional: Owen)
"Noah, buddy.. I should have trusted you. You kicked yourself out of the game just so I could have a fighting chance, and I almost threw it away because I thought Heather was my friend too. I'd look past all the mean stuff she did to Gwen, LeShawna, you and Lindsay just because she was nice to me… I'm sorry, buddy. It's time for me to make things right! And for you too, Cody. Geek Squad all the way home!"
(Confessional end)
"Okay… Deal!" Owen, fierce as ever, and Gwen seal the deal with a hand shake. "Hey, Chris! I'd like to give away half my freebies." He nudges Gwen's shoulder as the goth grins.
Heather's eyes shoot open. "WHAT?"
"To whom?" Chris asks, purposely drawing out the words.
"To Gwen!" Owen's words strike like thunder. Heather's spine tingles. Gwen gives her a sly wave.
"Go right ahead, my man." Chris says.
Owen karate chops half the freebies, giving Gwen fifteen of his twenty five. "How is that fair?! Now they're just going to team up on me - I'll be taking dares forever!"
Gwen leans over her table with a devilish grin directed towards the former queen bee. "Awww, is Heather regretting using the stick instead of the carrot?~ I promised myself this morning that I'd be the one to take you down, and I intend to make good on that."
Heather watches her lean back in her seat comfortably with fury in her eyes. "You're NOT taking away my money from me. I worked my ass off for it!"
"Your money? It's my money until somebody wins. Speaking of which… Gwen, I believe it's your turn." Chris replies, sinisterly winking at Heather's furious face. Her anger drops when she nervously swallows, both Gwen and Owen fist bumping before the former stands up and walks toward the spin-the-bottle.
Gwen turns the wheel, and…
"Courtney. Her dare is… drink a blended puree of Chef's mystery meat!"
Gwen turns to her competition. "Eenie, meenie, miney, Heather."
Chef offers up a blender full of processed, junky, stringy brown fluids. Heather, mortified, has no choice but to take the blender and chug its contents. She gags, completing the dare. Another montage begins, this time a ruthless barrage of dares that all land on poor Heather.
She's forced to snap her phone in half by Beth, wring a chicken's neck by Tyler, slap herself repeatedly by Duncan, all while every time Gwen and Owen go, they have their freebies primed and ready. A bruised up Heather is forced to eat a full, live cockroach by LeShawna. Eva dares her to kiss Chef's sock puppet, the stink clouds still fluttering off of it. She uses a freebie to reject eating Owen's toe ham from Izzy, all while Owen's incessant, childish giggling fills and echoes in her ears. The chuckling ends when the wheel stops on Lindsay, with Gwen watching as Chris reads out her dare…
"Hah.. finally I catch a break. There is no way Lindsay can think of anything bad." Heather says, her clothes a mess of vomit stains and her face exhaustion ridden. Chris chuckles.
"You're not gonna like this.
Have your HEAD SHAVED by Chef!"
"HUH…?!" For once in her life, Heather's shriek is as quiet as a mouse's. Gwen and Owen smile wide, high fiving.
"Lindsay rules!" The goth exclaims. Heather's bug eyes watch as Chef carts out a barber's chair, wielding an electric razor with his apron sprawled over his dress. He clicks the on button, gesturing for her to get into the chair.
Heather clasps her hands together, getting on her knees before Gwen. "Please, Gwen, please don't push it on me-"
"Uh-uh. Begging for the loser goth girl to save you? The mighty, the powerful, the sexy Heather? You're way above that. She can do my dare, Chris." Gwen smugly replies. Heather swallows, looking at Owen.
"Owen…? Buddy? Take it for me…?" She forces a fake smile. "Be your best friend…?"
He raises his nose to her, crossing his arms. "You're a liar, a bully and worst of all you're mean. I see no reason to be on your side anymore."
"I… I…" She slugs her arms, pupils dilating. She knows what she has to do.
"Well then, Heather.. It seems you have a choice to make. Do you take the dare, or the walk of shame?" Chris questions, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Heather slowly stands up, each step she takes toward the chair a dreadful bout, one foot over the other. Finally, she sits down as Owen and Gwen watch like it's a comedy movie they can simply escape to. Her arms defend her chest, her bottom lip chewed into hard enough to crack, and her eyes bigger than ever before. As Chef's hand slowly gets closer and closer to her perfect, long, beautiful, well conditioned and downright waterfall length hair, her eyes move from the razor to the canoe full of money, hands twitching.
Bzzzzzzzz…
She leans back into her chair, her knee jerking. One heeled foot kicks the razor out of Chef's hand, launching it into the air. All eyes follow it as it crescendos in the sun's beam, then falls back down to attack.
"NOOOOOOO!"
Heather falls out of the seat, the razor shaving into her scalp and stopping only once it hits the dock below her. Chef pulls the plug frantically. The air is silent. Heather stands up, frozen. Almost all of her hair is gone. Strands of tough, black fur stay on her head, some tufts of leftover hair that won't grow in the same way as it used to. But the rest is completely shaved.
Owen and Gwen gawk, before they both erupt into a fit of snorting giggles. Gwen can't help but burst into laughter, the sound of her joy the bane of Heather's existence. Chris and Chef join in the laughter, with Chris wiping a line of anxious sweat off of his brow.
"Woo! I thought you had killed yourself there, Heather. Tough break. Looks like you're out."
"What?! Out? What do you mean 'out'?! He SHAVED my HEAD!" She grabs Chris by the shirt collar, insanity in her pupils. Chef shakes his head.
"First of all, no I didn't, the razor did. Secondly, you refused the dare, sister. So… you're out!" Chef replies, shouting, the loud words echoing in her head.
"Huh, so Heather survived this long through lies, underhanded tactics and scheming, only to get schemed and underhandedly taken out by LINDSAY. It's too perfect not to be karma." Gwen states with a shake of her head and a grin on her blue lips.
"No… No… NO!"
Heather's scream causes birds to fly away in the horizon, her anguished cries summarizing her defeat from the competition.
(Confessional: Owen)
"Okay, that was kinda messed up… but so was backstabbing LeShawna, pulling Lindsay's hair, bullying Beth, yelling at me repeatedly, stripping Duncan in the middle of the woods, leaving us for dead against the Slender-Man, and getting Cody mauled by a bear. Not to mention what she did to Noah and I's friendship! You ask me, she's had this coming."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Do I feel bad about what happened to Heather? Let me ask you this: Did she fuck my boyfriend, insult me every chance she got, take out my best friend on the island, ignore me when our lives were at stake twice, get the nicest guy in the competition eliminated AND his best friend, and unapologetically make my life a living hell for eight weeks? That's your answer."
(Confessional end)
As the sun eclipses orange skies and the moon grows bigger in the distance, Heather carries her bags to the Boat of Losers, a normally dressed Chef waiting for her in the driver's seat. Chris, Gwen and Owen wait at the end of the dock as she fumes toward the Boat of Losers.
"Bye, Heather! Sorry for tossing you under the bus, but you would do the same to me." Owen says, waving her goodbye. She punches him in the stomach effortlessly, causing him to gasp in pain.
"After everything you've done to me, I don't think I have anything left to say to you. You know, aside from a little bit of advice."
"Shove it up your ass, gothy." Heather insults.
"Try shaving your whole head. All those rough patches? They're gonna make growing in something presentable really hard." Gwen cheekily replies.
"Fuck. You."
"And thank you for the show!" Gwen shoots finger guns at her, stepping back as Heather comes face to face with Chris.
"And you!"
"Me? What did I do?" Chris sarcastically chirps, loving every second of this.
"This is a travesty! Courtney's elimination, Lindsay's? NOTHING compared to this! I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got!" Heather yells in his face.
"Trust me, whatever army of lawyers you're going to amass, you don't have the funds. Courtney does. Seriously, chick's killing me."
"You'll be hearing from them regardless! I will have my compensation for what you did to my hair!" Heather shouts.
"Again, that was you, girl! Had you accepted the dare, you'd still be bald, but at least you'd be in the game." Chef yells out of the window. "Now come on, the boat needs a refill."
"Great. Now I get to go home and see my parents! I'm sure they'll be too busy partying and having a great time to care about this!" Heather chokes up, pointing at the disaster on her scalp as she steps onto the boat and sits down in the passenger seat. "Just drive, you cheapskate, rusty cook!"
Chef rolls his eyes and takes off, while Chris looks at the final two. "And then there were two!" Owen recovers, wrapping Gwen in a one armed hug while she smiles his way. "Tune in next time for the finale of the season, where one of these two washed up, chewed up and abused sixteen year olds will compete for the prize of one hundred thousand dollars!"
Chris faces the camera. "Who's gonna win it? And who's gonna fall? Find out on the thrilling conclusion of…
Total!
Drama!
Island!"
Gwen and Owen's cheers echo throughout the island along with the hum of the boat's engine as it rockets off. They're cut off by Heather screaming at them.
"YOU WANT DRAMA?! I'LL GIVE YOU DRAMA! YOU'LL BE PENNILESS! JOBLESS! I'LL DRAG YOUR NAME THROUGH THE MUD ON EVERY BLOCK FROM HERE TO CAPE BRETON!"
Mid credits
Heather is on fire the entire boat ride. Chef stays quiet, occasionally glancing through the rearview mirror to cackle at her hair, or lack thereof, between pursed lips.
"What?! What's funny?! You're bald too!" Heather barks.
"You ain't bald! Haha.. you're a mess!" Chef can't help himself, bursting out into a cacophony of ear grating chuckles. Heather crosses her arms and grits her teeth.
"Just get me home already!"
"Oh, you ain't going home."
Heather blinks. "Excuse me?"
"You're going to the resort, Playa Des Losers, with all the other nobodies who got kicked off this show." Chef answers.
"...I have to see them again?" Heather's voice is slow and.. scared?
"That's right! And you gotta do an interview for the blog. You know, promotional stuff."
She swallows. "Are you kidding me…?"
"Do I look like someone with the capacity to make a joke?" Chef raises his brow, stopping the boat at the dock.
"Oh my god…" She puts her hands over her face, taking a deep breath in.
Walking through the hallways at Sharpe Middle School was a regular anxiety for Heather Vandervelde, the richest, smartest girl in school. Her pale, greasy skin clashed with her red dotted pimples and bun hair. She wore jean jackets and green jeans on this particular day, but never showed too much skin. Her shoes, sneakers, and the only accessories on her were some cute cherry themed earrings.
Her parents were planning on bringing her out to dinner tonight due to the incredible test scores she had received, and her big brother had a soccer game she wanted to attend tomorrow. Band practice was after school, and she played the tuba.
"Hey, Heather, Lamar says he wants to go out with you."
A lie. Bait. Sarcasm that spewed venom in her direction as fits of giggling erupted from behind her. She kept walking, ignoring the blonde, white douchebag following her.
"Did you hear me?"
She speeds up. He gives up, calling her a "Fatty!" As she hobbles her way toward her next class.
A few weeks later, Heather was sitting in the bathroom on her knees, looking into the depths of a public toilet in between the walls of a stall, crudely drawn appendages and hearts drawn by her sides. She shoved a hand into her mouth and yakked up the contents of her weight, her double chin smaller than usual. Bags circulated under her eyes. She wore a beanie and a green hoodie with sweatpants and the same sneakers.
Giggling can be heard outside of the walls. She froze, unable to move.
"Nice shoes, you fat, ugly cow! Your mother pick 'em out for you?" More laughter, taunting, scathing, brutalizing her confidence. Four months passed.
Torn jeans, a thin waist and thick hips adorne her body. Her previously 'ugly' body helped immensely in filling out her boobs, giving this skinny hottie more in the front and in the back. Now guys were lining up for her, her style and weight only mismatched by her acne.
She sat at a table with a few other kids. One dorky girl slid her cheese fries toward Heather. She squinted at them, then at the girl.
"Want my cheese fries, Heath?" The girl asked, her braces causing a lisp. Heather's hand moved toward the fries instinctively, all while a trio of girls in tube tops and yoga pants pass by, their flawless skin and big, green eyes watching Heather and connecting the dots with her zits. They stop behind the girl and smirk.
"Go on, what are you gawking at, pizza face? You like that grease crap, don't you?" A girl with brown curls and big red lips insulted. Heather looked down sadly at the gooey, salty snack. The braces clad girl holds a supportive hand out.
"Ignore them."
"Hey, Tiffany, leave her alone." Tiffany's boyfriend pleaded, yanking her arm.
"Eugh! What, you're actually defending this slut?" She shouts back, looking her boyfriend in the eyes.
"Um, yes? And she's not a slut. She actually seems pretty chill. If she works on her pimples, she'll be like, perfect."
Perfect.
Her friends were holding her back from making her perfect?
Her parents always called her perfect. Her siblings seemed to love her. What changed? Is this how you change?
Heather glares at her friend across the table and dumps the cheese fries out.
"What are you doing?" Her friend asks.
"Are you stupid? I'm trying to get rid of my acne, not make it worse!" Heather yells, loud enough so everyone can hear.
The girl jumps at her volume. "Oh, I didn't know. You never told me about-"
Heather puts a hand over her lip. "Ah, ah, ah, ah! Save it, brace face."
"Ooooh, shit." The popular kids ooh in unison. The girl looked stunned.
"What…? Heather, I-"
"You're not my friend. You want me to be ugly so I'll keep hanging out with you. People like you? You're the worst kind of scum around!" Heather feigns crocodile tears, crying into her hands before running away towards the hallway. For the next year, the girl was bullied, pushed around and verbally abused until she moved away without a word toward Heather. That was the beginning of the end.
The worst part? Everyone still hated her. No matter what she did. Guys would fuck her and say they loved her, then blank her for days. Girls would hang out with her, then call her a whore behind her back. An endless, vicious cycle of hate stampeded through her life and turned it into a mess she couldn't recover from.
Heather shakes her head, small, sneaky laughter coming from every corner. She opens her eyes and sees everyone around her. Eva, Noah, Justin, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, Tyler, Trent, LeShawna, Duncan… all of them just laughing behind their hands. She throws her arms over her head and fumes as she sits down on a bench across from Chef.
"Hiiii, Heather!" Beth greets, waving at her from the pool. Everyone lets their laughter be known. Everyone except Harold.
"Aw, man, I thought I was stunning and brave! You're on another level, Heather!" Justin mocks.
"Yeah, nice patch cut, Heathen !" LeShawna hoots, falling into the water on her back from a laugh attack. The laughter reverbs through her skull as she blushes and hides her face.
"Whatever.. Just go over the dumb quiz." Heather groans.
"Not a quiz, a questionnaire." Chef corrects. More laughter from behind Chef.
"Oh come on, guys, she's not THAT ugly!" Katie defends.
"Yeah, we still like you, Heather!" Sadie adds.
"Shove it, nerds." Heather spits, not believing them.
Sadie gasps. Katie defensively hugs her. "You really ARE mean!"
Heather rolls her eyes. Chef clicks his pen. "Name?"
"Heather."
"And last name." Chef states.
"Ugh. Vandervelde."
Noah laughs condescendingly. "Excellent."
Heather twitches. Before she can say anything, Harold stands up. "Come on, guys, hasn't she been through enough? She got her head shaved on international TV."
"Yeah, but dude, she got YOUR girlfriend kicked off the show." Tyler replies.
"Ex girlfriend, unfortunately… And besides, she was nice to me." Harold hangs his head low.
"I don't need you to defend me." Heather states.
"Quite the contrary. I just feel obligated to, as a fellow strategist." Harold replies with a grin.
"Eh, whatever. I got better things to do anyway." Duncan says with a shrug, taking Courtney's hand. The two head toward the hotel.
"Yeah, maybe Harold's right." Bridgette says with a shrug at Geoff. DJ shrugs along with her and they all walk away.
"Far from it…" LeShawna whispers, walking away from the dweeb. He shrugs, giving Heather a smile as he waltzes to the resort as well. Heather looks away from him. Lindsay, Beth and Tyler approach her.
"Heather.. I hope you grow and improve from this." Lindsay says matter-of-factly.
"And I hope that you learn to lock your door, blondie."
Lindsay swallows. Beth and Tyler help her walk toward the hotel. Heather buries her head in her arms.
"Likes and dislikes?" Chef's grumbly voice asks.
"What?" Heather raises her head.
"...What do you like? In this world. And dislike."
"That's such a dumb, broad question that I'm not going to answer it. I don't have the strength."
"That's a first. Uh.. Favorite food?"
Heather sighs. "What do I have to lose? I already lost my hair. Cheese fries."
"Okay.. good choice. What is your dream job?"
"I wanted to be famous. To be influential, successful and popular.. But that's never gonna happen. Is it?" She depressingly says. Chef sighs.
"...Look, Heather.. You got it, girl. You got the attitude, you got the clicks. You're one of the most popular contestants on the show. And between you and me, you made it."
"...Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"...Wow. Um… Okay. Thanks, I guess."
"Don't thank me, girl. Thank yourself. YOU got yourself here. Nobody else did. Now, are you a good person? No way, no how! But, you're a successful one. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Understand, soldier?" Chef looks her dead in the eye. She looks down.
"But I lost…"
He tilts her chin up. "So did I."
Heather instinctively pushes what would be her hair back, her hand pressed against her temple. "Thank you. I guess I'd wanna be a talk show host of some kind."
Chef nods. "That's the spirit. What is your home life like?"
"Can we not get into that right now? My brother hates me, my sister sucks, my parents abhor me, and I detest them. I have no friends, and I'm unpopular. But hey, my grades are perfect."
"And what would you have done with the money had you won?"
"Easy. Move out of my parents place immediately, get a place in the heart of the city, start up my show, The World According To Heather, and blow my money on whatever I want. Simple."
"I can see why Chris picked you now. It ain't just because he's got a rich white girl kink. He saw your raw potential as a go-getter, just like himself."
"Well, he got one. And now I'm chopped liver. Can I have the key to my room now?" Heather stands up, hands out.
Chef drops the keys in her hands. "Good luck, girl. Tomorrow is the finale, so pick a maggot you hate less and pick them quick."
"Oh, that's easy…" She grins ear to ear, the evil returning to her face.
Credits resume.
