Writer's Note
That's So Raven belongs to Disney
Raven and Chelsea have cow horns and cow udders instead of cow hooves and cow snouts.
Raven: Chels, who am I? The Queen of...(indicates the hearts on outfit)
Chelsea: Flannel?
Raven: Hearts, Chels! The Queen of Hearts!
Chelsea: OK, but Rae, but if I don't get it, no one will! (pause) Oh, Rae, let's find me a costume now.
(Raven takes off the towel around her head to reveal she has two cow ears in place of her normal ears.)
Raven: Ok.
Chelsea: Rae, what are you wearing? Are those cow ears? (Raven rolls her eyes to see what Chelsea is referring to) That is so like you, holding out on the good costume!
Raven: What? (Raven runs over to the mirror and screams when she sees her reflection and start screaming.) Arghhh! I have cow ears!! I have cow ears!! How did I get cow ears!!
(But Chelsea is laughing, unaware that it is no costume.)
Chelsea: (hits Raven playfully) Stop it!
Raven: It's not a costume, Chels!
Chelsea: Oh, come on Rae, like I couldn't pull those ears off.
(As Chelsea tugs at the ears, she pulls Raven from one end of the room to the other. Raven screams.)
Chelsea: Oh, Rae, they moved, your cow ears moved!
(Raven feels at her ears, and they move around wavily.)
Chelsea: Whoa, how did you do that?
Raven: I didn't do it Chels! (runs to mirrror, screams) They're moving by themselves! Arghh! OK, Oh my goodness, we have to calm down.
Chelsea: Yes, yes, you're right.
Raven: We have to sit down, and think about it.
Chelsea: Good idea. (the two sit on Raven's bed) Ouch!
Raven: What?
Chelsea: Gosh, you're sitting on my tail.
Raven: Sorry about that. (realize) Argh!!!
(Raven and Chelsea sees that Chelsea has a cow tail)
(Raven and Chelsea are standing in front of Raven's mirror.)
Raven: Man, why couldn't I just get, like...a zit, like everyone else?
Chelsea: Hello, I have a zit and a tail!
(Chelsea walks away a little and takes off the towel wrapped around her head, only to reveal that she too has cow ears.)
Raven: (sheepishly) Yeah, Chelsea, I wouldn't worry about that zit.
Chelsea: (runs over to mirror and screeches) Argh, Rae, I'm scared !
Raven: I know, me too...but do you know what I'm really afraid of?
Chelsea: That you have a tail too?
Raven: You know me oh too well...
(Raven feels around for her tail - and finds it...she and Chelsea ad-limb their worries before Eddie is heard calling out for them.)
Eddie: (V/O calling from downstairs) Rae, are you up there!!
Raven: It's Eddie.
Chelsea: Well, w...what are we going to do, we can't let him see us like this.
Raven: Yeah, that's right...(calls) ...Eddie, we'll be right down!
Chelsea: Yeah!
Eddie: (V/O) Alright, just move your tails!
(Raven and Chelsea share an ironic glare. Going downstairs in the kitchen - Eddie, in his wizard costume, is stirring around at the cauldron left on the bench. He takes a spoonful.)
Eddie: Oh, that's nasty, that tastes like feet. Disgusting. (takes another sip of it) ...Yep, that's definitely feet.
(By now Raven and Chelsea are standing by the kitchen counter, their "cow" parts covered.)
Raven: Hey, Eddie, how's it going?
Chelsea: Yeah, man, how goes it?
Eddie: So I heard you guys got invited to Alana's party and I thought that maybe we could all go over together.
Raven: (she and Chelsea laughing; Chelsea ad-limbing) Oh, that is hilarious...ha, ha, ha...NO.
Eddie: You two are acting weirder than usual.
Chelsea: Oh, well, it's not because we've changed or anything, in any way...every, every part of us is exactly as weird as it has always been.
(Eddie turns away, and Raven's tail starts bouncing up and wagging it at Chelsea's face.)
Chelsea: Oh, Rae, Rae, your tail!
(Eddie looks up, in time to see the tail hidden.)
Raven: Look, Eddie...it's last minute, man, and we really gotta' get our costumes together, so...buh-bye! (ushers Eddie to the door; Eddie sees the spell book on the bench)
Eddie: Oh, wait, Rae, this book would go really good with my sorcerer's costume.
Raven: Oh, well, it's yours, take it, just mOOOOve...
(They all look around at each other as Raven is starting to moo like a cow because her becomes extremely low pitched.)
Eddie: Did you just moo?
Raven: Me, moo? NoOOOO...(covers her mouth and coughs)
Eddie: Oh, whatever, I'll see ya'll there.
(He exits. Raven and Chelsea watch him leave then run in a panic around the kitchen.)
Raven: Oh, Chelsea, we really gotta' fix something, we did something horrible with that spell!
Chelsea: I know. Maybe we put in the wrong ingredients.
Raven: Well check it out, girl, before I moo again!
Chelsea: (at the cauldron; Raven pacing) Oh, OK...we were at the cauldron, wishing for a bunch of stuff...and urgh...and um...oh no.
(Chelsea takes from the cauldron her 'cow' badge from earlier which is now dripping slime.)
Chelsea: Funny story. This...must have fallen in when we were making our wishes. (laughs)
Raven: (coldly) We wished we were cows? Why couldn't you have been wearing a Halle Berry button?
Chelsea: Oh, I know, maybe if we check the book we can find a spell to undo the spell .
Raven: A spell check!
(They run over to the counter only to find that Eddie has taken the book.)
Chelsea: Oh, no, no, no...Eddie has taken the book. We are definitely dOOOOmed. (Now Chelsea is mooing like a cow because her becomes extremely low pitched too)
Raven: No, we're not doomed now, Chelsea, alright...we just 'gotta, go to Alana's party and get the book back.
Chelsea: OK, hello, Rae, we cannot walk into a roomful of people looking like cows!
Raven: We can on Halloween!
Chelsea: TrOOOee...
(At the Chill Grill - Alana's party. The restaurant is full of dancing teens, with loud music in the background. Raven and Chelsea pop their heads in, which are now guised like cows, and blend in by dancing. When they look at each other and realize their heads have small set of cow horns which they both point at each other and scream. They lean in to touch each other's horns)
Raven: Look at our horns, Chels!
Chelsea: Rae, just relax. Cow have horns on their heads.
Raven: Whatever! This is getting worse. We just have to find Eddie and get that spell.
Chelsea: Yeah, you're right.
(They both go in opposite directions. Chelsea had a sign of behaving like a cow by eating a straw hat of a boy wearing a farmer costume.)
Raven: Hey, Chels--
(Raven looks over and sees that Chelsea is crunching at a boy's straw hat.)
Raven: Chels! (drags Chelsea away from the boy) Listen to me. You are not a cow. You are a human being!
Chelsea: Yeah, yeah, I know Rae, but that was some good hat.
Raven: Listen, let's just get some refreshments while we wait for Eddie.
(Raven had her refreshments suddenly, she feels more hungry and more thirsty to eat and drink and didn't realize that she now have four stomachs until now and she feels her belly growing a pink udder with pink teats that nearly coveres her whole stomach.)
Raven: I feel heavier than before! I have four stomachs! I'm four times hungry and four times thirsty! And I have an udder! Chelsea!
(Raven looks over and sees that Chelsea is bobbing at the punch, drinking like a cow. Chelsea looks up with her soaked face.)
Chelsea: Oh, sorry Rae, just needed something to wash down that hat. (Chelsea licks her face with her new cow tongue. Raven is chewing something before doesn't realize she was chewing cud like a cow until Chelsea asks a question.) Where did you get that gum?
Raven: (disgusted she was chewing cud) It's not gum. It's cud!
Chelsea/Raven: Ewghh!! MOOOOO
(They see Eddie going over to a table.)
Chelsea: Oh, Eddie, Eddie, we need that book!
Raven: (Chelsea is looking through the book) Hurry up and find that spell, hurry up!
Chelsea: (Chelsea has her pink udder with pink teats that nearly coveres her whole stomach) OK, hold on Rae, I four times hungry and thirsty, and I've an udder on my belly. I can't find the right the spell with four empty stomachs.
Eddie: Hold on, let me guess, you two are cows. That's slick!
Raven: It's trOOOe...we really are cows!
Eddie: Man, get out of here.
Raven: (pushes Eddie out of the way) Did you find it? (Chelsea has been eating it as failed to fight her new natural instincts.)
Chelsea: Yes...and it was gOOOd.
(As the party goes on an purple aura magical stops the time and then a lady with a purple witch cape made her appearance.)
Raven: Now what?
LeAnn: Calm down, Raven. I will explain everything. But first, I must take you and Chelsea to my home.
Chelsea: Really?
LeAnn: Yes.
(LeAnn use her witch magic teleport her, Raven and Chelsea to her dairy farm and ice cream shop next door to each other.)
LeAnn: Feeling like you need to be milked? Don't worry about it I'll help. Because I know how to milk cows before. I am the owner of Dairy Witch the restaurant that serves ice cream, milkshakes, malts, ice sundaes and any frozen desserts. I will make sure you both are milked.
Chelsea: You know me and Rea are half cows, right?
LeAnn: Yes I do because I'm half coOOOOOOw tOOOOOO.(mooing controllable instinct for LeAnn while tilting her head up and hold out.)
Raven: What!?
LeAnn: That's right. I'm half human half coOOOOOOw. I'm happened to born on the countryside in my family.
(LeAnn reveal she wears witch outfit containing large pink and blue spot that looks like Holstein patterns and she cow ears, a long cow tail, cow horns and her pink udder.)
Chelsea: Wow so you are really a cow.
LeAnn: (chewing cud) Yes and I happen to run dairy farm, restaurant and ice cream shop. My employees sound like they country accents, because they're born and raised in rural areas. Well, their bodies and behaviors are a little more cow like and their mannerisms resembling livestock. But they don't have udders.So they need the milk from me. (Proudly moos)
Raven: That's freaky!!!
LeAnn: I'm okay with it.
Chelsea: Okay. Hey where are the bulls?
LeAnn: The bulls are at the bull ranch. You girls know milk are in the udders, right?
Chelsea: I learned that in class.
LeAnn: Well, I think we need to make milk. Let me show you my jewelry I'm wearing.
(LeAnn had her cowbell necklace and cowbell earrings.)
LeAnn: You're now going be embracing your inner cow behavior. Even you're half humans half cows.
Raven: You expect us to be cows forever?
LeAnn: Yes. You're now cows mentally. I have something to tell you about my cowbell jewelry I'm wearing.
Chelsea: They look beautiful.
LeAnn: Thank you. But not just beautiful their magical.
(LeAnn cowbell necklace and cowbell earrings glow blue aura to make Raven get on fours against her will which Chelsea gets on fours on her own.)
Raven: What are you doing?
LeAnn: Raven, my cowbell jewelry have magical powers and helps me help gain access to my powers to allows me to cast spells. I think Raven needs to be milked right now. Staff, come here please.
(Dairy Witch staff are female employees who are also half girls half cows.)
Dairy Witch Employees: Yes, you powerful bovine?
LeAnn: Milk Raven and Chelsea.
Raven: What did you say!?
Dairy Witch Employees: LeAnn is our boss and our superior in the business. And we will do what she says When she says milk you both, we will do it.
Raven: You milk us? Fat chance in that.
LeAnn: Raven, my staff just need to squeeze your teats and harvest your milk. I must warn you through that your minds will go blank from being milked.
Chelsea: Okay. My udder is full of milk and I need to empty it.
LeAnn: I'm glad you understand, Chelsea. My staff are on it. Mine is full of milk too. Staff, can you lead us to the chairs so we can make milk?
Fairy Witch Employees: Yes, ma'am.
(Raven, Chelsea and LeAnn are on the chairs thinking milk in order to be milked.)
Raven: (Grossed out) I can't believe I have milk!
Chelsea: Rea, chill. It's a first time to be milked.
LeAnn: I'm glad my milk is harvested. (Joyfully moo) We need to get busy becoming livestock.
(LeAnn uses her cowbell necklace and cowbell earrings to even transform her Raven and Chelsea into full cows in order completing the county fair. Raven, Chelsea and LeAnn's hands and feets morphed into hooves, their noses morphed into cow snouts Raven's snout is black and Chelsea's snout is pink, their stomachs had grown to an enormous size and their udders had grown big, they were covered with a coat of fur. They turns the front half of their bodies to view the back right and sees that Raven and Chelsea has white fur containing large black spots all over their large stomachs, LeAnn has purple fur containing large pink spots all over her large stomach.)
LeAnn: Okay, you two, we're Holstein cows, the most popular breed of dairy cattle which have white fur with black spots while I'm purple fur with pink spots. We got to complete the county fair to win.
Raven: (sarcastically) Great. Now we're all cows.
LeAnn: You be back to half cows soOOOOOOn after we won blue ribbons, okay?
(Three dairy bovines won the county fair with blue ribbons)
LeAnn: I have to turn you two back into half cows.
(LeAnn uses her magical cowbell jewelry to change Raven and Chelsea back to half humans half cows)
LeAnn: Just like I promise. By the way I happened to use my magic to stop the time at the party while you two weren't looking.
(At the front, Muffy is speaking into the microphone.)
Muffy: People, may I have your attention please. (they keep dancing and Loca steals the microphone from Muffy)
Loca: Yo, cut the noise!
(The music stops and the people stop dancing.)
Loca: (sweetly) Thank you.
(Raven opens her mouth and tilts her head upward and moos again only the loudest moo, Raven's mooing habit don't just extend to words that rhyme. She'll occasionally just moo out of nowhere like a cow would. Muffy takes back the microphone.)
Muffy: OK. It's time for the results of the costume contest. So, before we announce who won first place, which we all know will be Alana...(Alana turns to reveal her costume)...just for giggles...let's see who came in second. (opens envelope and is horrified) Alana?
(There is a gasp from the audience, and Alana runs to the front.)
Alana: What! Impossible! This is my party, I always win! (speaks Spanish)
Muffy: Alana is super-angry...in Spanish.
Alana: Well, if I'm second...then who's first? ...Raven and Chelsea?
(Everyone has eyes on Raven and Chelsea who are now half humans half cows. The crowd applauds. Loca, Alana and Muffy look depressed. Raven and Chelsea have accepted to be human cow hybrids.)
Raven: Well, we didn't turn into full cows, but we got our wish anyway... Thanks to LeAnn.
Chelsea: Yep, all eyes are on us...
Raven: We might as well milk it. And I mean our own dairy milk.
(Raven and Chelsea are happy that they won the contest and enjoying their victory while doing the victory moos.)
Here's the parodies I haveThe Dairy Witch parodying The Dairy Queen.
