Chapter Nineteen

Vala sensed his presence before he got anywhere near her, but she was too distracted to care.

She certainly didn't stop him from sweeping her hair away from her face or from him pressing his chest against her back to help support her. If any, she appreciated the small amount of comfort, no matter how hard it would be for her once she sent him away.

Daniel's hand appeared in her sightline and in between his fingers was a white square. Her breath caught when she recognized what it was and closed her eyes in defeat when she realized he probably knew what it was for. "This will help with that," he kept her voice low and controlled but she knew when it was natural and forced for him – and he was forcing himself.

Vala ignored his offer. "I was going to tell you," she matched his tone.

"When?" She didn't like him when he was like this. It was too…eerie.

She shrugged, but he didn't accept her answer and caught her chin to guide it in his direction. Their eyes met and his stare was intense, so she cracked. "I don't know. A week maybe?"

She saw the anger brew in his eyes. "A week?" his control started to slip. "I had a right to know, Vala, and not a week from now, damn it!"

Seeing as how they were no longer keeping things pleasant, she let her own control lapse. "And I needed time!"

"Time?" he asked incredulously. "To what? Build up that damn armor of yours? I did not spend the better part of three years breaking through that damn armor only for you to try to put it back up, and I'll be damned if I allow that – not after I've finally broken through."

She pushed away from him and rose from the ground. He was quick to follow and caught her when she stumbled. "Easy," he mumbled gently, and his hand went to her face. "You okay? You're pale."

Vala shrugged him off and backed away. "You may have broken through my armor, but I certainly haven't broken through yours, and that's why I waited to tell you," she tried to explain. "I needed to make sure I wouldn't fall apart any further."

She had to protect herself.

Daniel stepped towards her. "And I get that, I do," he said gingerly, "but Vala…it's my baby, too."

She inhaled sharply at the words being spoken. She tried hard not to think on that small detail – well, it was actually anything but small. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it too much and when Emrin caught onto her condition, Vala hadn't let the woman speak the words aloud. Fortunately, she seemed to understand, and simply offered something to help with the morning sickness, which she rapidly accepted. She just hadn't expected Emrin to deliver it to Daniel. That did make things messier than she wanted them to be.

"I know that, Daniel, and that's what makes this even worse." To have a child with a man who couldn't love you the way you wanted or needed was nothing short of torture.

He flinched like she struck him. "I didn't realize bearing my child was such a burden," he tried to make himself sound angry or rude, but all she heard were the undertones of hurt.

Now she felt horrible for multiple reasons, but seeing his pain brought on another wave of nausea and she almost got sick in the bushes again. Daniel's expression instantly went from hurt to concerned and she assumed her face became even paler, especially when he closed the distance between them.

"Where's Gai'la?" he asked as he settled a hand on her cheek.

"Work," she mumbled and silently wondered why he was asking.

Daniel sighed and released her cheek only to grab her hand. "Let's get you inside and see how well Emrin's magic powders work," he held up the paper square again. He didn't give her a chance to respond and began pulling her into the house.

They were familiar with Gai'la and her house and he instantly began to grab what he needed to prepare the crushed plant the planet's alternative medicine woman gave him. She just sat and watched, trying to figure out where to go from here. Damn Emrin. If only she hadn't found Daniel before her. That would have saved her all of this heartache.

Vala wasn't lying when she said she would have told him in a week or so. She really did need time. He may have been right in saying that it was her to build up what he called her 'armor.' But that plan was shot to hell, and she didn't know what to do about it now – and it wasn't like she had adequate time to come up now.

"Drink," he commanded gently and set a cup in front of her.

She grabbed the cup. "Thank you," she murmured before taking a sip.

o0o

Daniel watched her as she took the next few sips before jumping into it. Hopefully it worked as well as Emrin claimed.

Finding out he was going to be a father from a woman he'd only known for a couple of months wasn't ideal nor how he ever imagined it. But he was thankful in a way. He fully believed Vala when she said she would have eventually told him, but he was glad he knew now, before things between them could go even further south. He headed for her the second after Emrin explained how to prepare the powders only to find her outside the small cottage their friend owned, throwing up in the bushes. He didn't think, only reacted.

Now it was time for answers.

Taking a seat across from her, he asked. "Why?" He worked hard to keep tone neutral. The last they needed was for this to turn into a shouting match.

Vala narrowed her eyes at him. "I already told you."

"So you were already planning on leaving me when you ambushed me yesterday?" He internally chastised himself at the slight bite to his words. He came to the conclusion when he found out about the baby and remembered that she pre-packed a bag.

"What?" she said in a horrified tone.

He leaned forward. "You could've told me about the baby before you started with the Spanish Inquisition, so why didn't you?" She bit her lip and looked away. He knew he hit the nail on the head. He recognized guilt when he saw it. "You were," he stated, but there was no malice or anger in his words.

He knew why she had done it, even if she didn't.

"I didn't!" she immediately denied, but then her face became confused. "Well, at least not intentionally. I just…had to know."

Vala Mal Doran has a defense mechanism and she used to deploy it often before they became teammates and eventual friends. He certainly hadn't seen it during their time on Thessa, and he assumed it was dormant, but it had been inadvertently triggered by the pregnancy – he wasn't even sure if she realized it yet. He did though. He recognized it the second he found out she was pregnant and felt slightly stupid for not seeing it sooner.

"You needed to know that I was with you because of you, and not for the baby," he stated. "That you were the reason for me staying."

Bingo.

Her facial expression said it all. "Is that so unreasonable?" she whispered. "I needed to know if you would stay for the right reasons."

"I get it," he really did. There was nothing worse than having someone being with you for the wrong reasons. "Vala, I'm sorry."

She frowned at him. "What?"

Daniel leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. "I know I have trouble with saying it, but I thought I had at least shown you how I felt," that was a huge mistake on his part. "I didn't realize until last night that I never actually said those words to you. I guess I relied too much on actions."

"Daniel –"

He couldn't let her go on. He needed to get this out. "You've always been a 'actions speak louder than words' kind of girl. You've told me on multiple occasions your father gave you empty promises and words didn't mean the same – actions always tell the whole story…and I guess unintentionally took advantage of that. For that, I truly am sorry. You deserve more."

Vala let out a watery chuckle that soundless mirthless. "What you say is true," she conceded and bit her lip before continuing, "but with you…I always knew I could trust whatever came out of your mouth. You were the first honest man I met, and you never lied to me. I think that's why I believe what you said to Samantha that day."

He sighed heavily. "Tell me what you need me to say or do to make you believe me and I'll do."

She smiled sadly at him. "It's not that simple."

"For you, maybe," he retorted. God, how had things gotten so screwed up? "I wish I could go back and do things differently," he mumbled.

"And make you say something you're not ready for?"

He met her eyes. "Who said I wasn't ready?" his voice was even and unwavering, clearly communicating his meaning. He'd been ready for a while.

"Daniel –"

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna say it until I know you'll believe me," he cut her off. "But I'm sure as hell will the second you finally do – that's a promise."

She inhaled sharply and looked down at her lap. "I don't know how to respond to that."

"And you don't have to. I know you probably think I'm only saying this because of the baby, but if you're ever gonna believe anything that comes out of my mouth ever again, believe this – I didn't choose you because you were convenient. I chose you because –" he swallowed the words that were the absolute truth but not right for the moment, "because you're Vala Mal Doran. How could I not?"

Vala glanced back up and studied him. "What does that even mean?"

Daniel chuckled. "It means you're the woman who kicked my ass and hijacked my ship. The woman who bound us together with stupid bracelets, who risked her life for the good of the galaxy more than once, the woman who chose everyone else over her own child," he took a risk and leaned forward to grab her hand and his heart lightened when she didn't pull away. "You're the woman who broke through every single defense I had and left me vulnerable and exposed. You may not know this, but when I have nothing protecting me, I lash out – that's what you heard in Sam's lab. She pointed it out and my defenses were already on thin ice and I did what I could to protect myself, but I never wanted you to hear that."

She appeared to be digesting his words, and he held his breath as she did, anticipating her response. "Why are things different here?" she whispered as if she was almost afraid of the answer.

He remembered their argument from yesterday and held back a sigh. "I didn't answer that question yesterday because I honestly don't know if we would've gotten together had we never got stranded," he reiterated his earlier answer. "There were more things I could use to keep us apart at home – subconsciously, I mean. But here? I have no excuse not to love you here, and everything to gain. It's just you and me. No missions that could get you killed. No Goa'uld infested Trust to kidnap you again. No Ex-husbands attempting to steal you away."

Vala raised her eyebrows before they shot down in a frown. "This was about you being afraid to lose me?"

Daniel swallowed hard. "Yeah, what else?" he admitted quietly. "Losing Sha're drove me to the edge but losing you would push me over. I can't do that, Vala – I won't."

Tears filled her eyes, and he grew worried. It hadn't been his goal to upset her.

"I mean that much to you?" she whispered in awe.

Wow. He really was a terrible boyfriend.

He squeezed her hand. "That's something you should've never had to ask. I'm sorry you ever doubted it– that you never knew just how much you mean," he said with his voice full of pain.

He would make sure it never happened again. Once he finally succeeded in making her believe him, he would remind her every chance he got until she was sick of it – even then, he would continue.

Vala took a shaky breath before meeting his eyes. "Tell me," she gently demanded.

He frowned. "What?" Tell her what? He already explained everything…right?

She sighed in exasperation and his brows furrowed further. "Tell me," she emphasized again. "I'll believe you," she added softly after a small pause.

Oh! Daniel smiled as he felt elation spread through him and he grabbed her other hand. "I love you, Vala Mal Doran," he told as earnestly as he could muster. "I think I have from the moment I saw you emerge from the 'gate after we set up that trap for Adria."

She half chuckled, half laughed. "Seriously?"

He smiled and nodded. "But I knew for certain at the weirdest moment," he confessed. She tilted her head at him in a silent question. "It wasn't some grand significant scene. We were just going to some random planet on a routine mission. We had just gotten back from the Odyssey and were spouting off cliché proverbs. You looked at me and said, 'Life is too short,' and just like that…I knew."

Vala smiled. "I remember feeling the same," she told him, and he didn't doubt it.

That moment seemed to have ignited something between the two of them that couldn't be stopped. And here they were, almost nine months later. If only it hadn't taken them that long.

"Come home," he begged softly. "We've already wasted too much time."

"Okay."