Hello! First fanfic (published, at least). Expect a ton of mistakes and weird grammar!

Writing this makes me feel icky. Icky and gross. Consider this author's note a metaphorical Lawachurl foreskin getting peeled back as it readies itself to fuck you in half.

That is to say: you have been warned. Graphic content ahead. Incredible stupidity awaits.

Recording yourself screaming is an effective, but not necessarily nice way to wake up.

Unfortunately for me, I am stupid enough to do just that.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP! WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

And so it is that my best impression of a black metal vocalist forces its way inside my ears, rousing me from a most beautiful dream: submissive catgirls - twins - willing to do anything their handsome, powerful, tall and rich Master wishes (that Master being me, of course). Naturally, extreme depravity ensued. I might have some problems.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP! WAKE THE FUCK UP! WAKE THE FUC-"

"Ughhh…." I groan as I rise from my bed, "ready" for yet another uneventful day at work. I struggle to find my much needed glasses, the grogginess aggravating my ocular deficiencies.

I roll my shoulders and hear them pop and crackle. What bad posture does to a motherfucker. Only 25, but I already have all the back pains of a near-crippled middle aged man. Maybe I should head to the gym? It's been years since I last had any kind of meaningful physical activity - I used to swim back in high-school and it'd probably do me some good.

After a quick shower + jack-off session, I make sure to cook myself the Finest Breakfast: cereal. Yes, I eat like a child. No, I can't really cook anything besides hotdogs, steak and some soup. Yes, I live alone-ish. I've been crashing at grandma's home since I was 17. Why? Well… granny's got the big D – dementia, you stupid fuck – and basically hates everything and everyone that isn't me or my father. I take care of her and make sure she's not skipping out on her medicine. Sometimes "dad" comes to visit (aka, steal money from the old lady and threaten me). Usual meth addict behavior. I honestly hope he'd just OD in some cheap whore's trailer and leave us alone.

What of mom, you ask? Croaked, killed herself 10 years ago after the divorce. I found her hanging in the park next to our old home.

You know, I've seen some messed up stuff when I was younger. I try not to think too much about it, but it's a futile endeavor.

Tragic backstory? Perhaps. But not all is bad for dear old Andrew Nowak here. You see, even though I'm the spawn of methed-out white trash, I always did quite well in school. And I just so happened to have lucked out professionally. I'm no leader or chief of anything yet, but to work in cybersecurity at a relatively large corporation at my age? With my background and relative inexperience? That's nothing short of a goddamned miracle, that's what it is.

After checking on granny, who's awake but not quite, I take my keys and wallet and head off towards Cammy - my beautiful baby-blue Camaro ZL1. Yes, I know how to waste my money properly, thank God I don't have rent to pay.

'One hour until work starts. If the traffic isn't too bad, I might still make it on time.'

I hate being late, and I unfortunately took a bit longer than I'd liked squeezing the man-milk out of my balls.

I'll have to speed a little. What could possibly go wrong?

The rustling of clothes and the sound of a gentle cold breeze are the only things interrupting the stillness of this beautiful late-spring night. One set of soft and gentle footsteps comes, followed by the yelping and giggling of a young woman. Another set of footsteps joins the symphony, these ones slightly heavier. A cork loudly gets ejected from a bottle.

*fill*

*fill*

*clink*

"Beautiful, is it not?" an elegant voice rings clearly through the darkness, met only with a fervent laughter.

"Hmm hmm. Are you talking about the night or yourself?" the younger sounding woman playfully questions her companion.

They refill their glasses and silence reigns yet again. These actions repeat themselves until not one but two bottles lay empty beside the small frosty pond. Their eyes are locked with each other and soon their bodies follow suit. The taller woman bends ever so slightly and cups the other girl's blushing face with surprising force and rams herself inside her. Tongues clash against one another, fighting for dominance. The smaller woman's hands begin running down her lover's body, groping and prodding at her supple, toned flesh.

Of course, such provocations don't come without consequences. The taller of the two breaks the kiss and slaps the other's bottom, coaxing a strange yet lovely sound out of the girl, somewhere between a cry and a moan.

"Eula…" the smaller girl begins moaning. The more she moans, the harder her lover slaps her perky bum. The kissing returns once more, silencing the girl yet again. She feels a cold hand rubbing her where it feels good, an experimental finger or two slipping inside once in a while. In response, she once more begins groping, this time not so gently, at her lover's larger breasts.

Neither of them knows how long they've been at it. They no longer feel the cold water and chilly air, overtaken with lustful heat instead. Legs spread wide open, the taller of the women moans and yells as her friend hungrily slaps and pokes her tongue all over her sensitive bits, fingers thrusting in and out of her hole.

"Amber, keep going~~ Aaah, I'm so close, it's coming, it's coming."

Her loud voice had degenerated into an embarrassed half-whisper at some point, she didn't know when. She also didn't know when or why the roles were suddenly reversed. This always happened, and she was determined to have her revenge over the impropriety of the situation. They clearly needed a talk about their "roles"... again.

"Ahhh~~"

Right as she came all over her sweet Amber, trembling and gushing her love juices all over the petite girl's face, a flashing light caught her attention. They weren't alone. Not anymore.

Amber reeled back at Eula's sudden scream – not of pleasure or anger, but of pure terror and shock. And just as quickly as she had screamed out, she was now conjuring her weapon, light and particles concentrating around her hands. Wondering what could've possibly riled up her lover so much, Amber looks back, beginning to ready her own weapon to find...

A man sitting on the pond's shore with a smug grin unbecoming of his gravely injured state.

What could possibly go wrong with speeding during high-traffic hours? Well, I don't know... maybe getting rammed by a school bus after accidentally running through a red light?

Oops. I managed to rush myself into a lazy anime trope. Reincarnated into another world! Unfortunately, I'll probably die from my injuries before I ever get to test out my (certainly) very awesome powers or fuck a catgirl slave. You know how these stories go just as well as I do.

Why am I narrating? Am I in a story? Fuck you to the author then, Cammy is gone because of you - definitely not on me being reckless. Take care of granny for me, and destroy my computer and all its data. I've got far too many images of anthropomorphized weaponry getting railed by anything with a pulse saved...

Injuries: yes, those. My left side is shot. My arm is... well, not entirely there. It looks like it got stuck in an hydraulic press. Leg is definitely broken. I've got a ton of things sticking to my side - glass, metal, plastic. Luckily I can't feel shit, but I'm guaranteed to fucking keel over as soon as the adrenaline rush wears off. My right side is relatively intact. My phone and glasses survived, somehow.

As much as I'd like to move and get my ass off the freezing floor - seriously, did I have to transmigrate right into a snowy hellscape? - I can do nothing but look around. And then I spot it - them. And Lord above, they're hot as hell. Well, I might be dead, but at least I get to watch two lesbians fuck each other in freezing water.

Absolutely uncaring for the consequences, I decide to play a little prank before I go. I reach for my phone and unlock it - no service, obviously - heading straight to the camera app.

Smile for the camera ladies! I'll be sure to not turn off the flash as I take a compromising picture of your finger-fucking session.

And just as miss Squirtle used Water Gun all over her petite girlfriend's face, I snapped a cute picture of the scene.

*flash*

As her moaning turns into a horrified scream, I can't help but get a smug grin on my face. Karma's a bitch though, the adrenaline is starting to wear off and my vision blurs ever so slightly. I'm starting to get a headache, and feeling... sleepy. Yeah.

I'm done. Goodbye world!