A lesson in humility
Jim rose an eyebrow when he heard his door buzzing. Staring at his PADD, he ordered :
-Enter.
The door opened, letting in Dr Noel's thin and familiar profile. The captain sat up straighter, before welcoming her kindly with his hand.
-Doctor. What can I do for you ?
-Captain. The young woman stopped in front of his desk. It's late.. I hope I'm not bothering you.
-Not at all. You're a welcome break, he said, before showing his increasing stack of PADD, annoyed. I swear, they seem to reprodure on their own. I turn my head, and suddenly three new ones just appeared.
Helen laughed.
-The hell of paperwork. Every officer and doctor's nightmare.
-A necessary work, but one, I admit, I do not find very enjoyable. The captain sat straigher, before crossing his hands, staring at her. You do not visit me to talk about paperwork. What can I do for you, doctor ?
She hesitated for a second, before finally daring to speak, with her characteristic boldness.
-I read your report about the mission on Tantalus. And I couldn't stop noticing … for lack of a better word … things missing.
Jim rose an eyebrow, but didn't answer, staring at her silently. Helen let out a frustrated sound.
-Captain. We both know very well you willingly concealed facts.
-And what would they we, Doctor Noel ? her hierarchic superior shot back, his eyes set on her.
The young woman tensed a bit more, her fists tightening behind her back. She pursed her lips, before averting her gaze, her face turning somber when she turned back toward him.
-My absolute lack of professionnalism when we first met in the transporter room, then with Doctor Adams. Jim didn't answer, and she blew again, obviously frustrated. Captain. I don't understand. Why hiding it ?
-Why indicating it ? he countered.
Helen stared at him, shocked.
-I don't … Because .. Her voice died down. I don't deserve ...
-I disagree.
-Captain ?
She looked lost, now, her eyes set on him as she stared at him, searching for answers. A psychiatrist, as always, trying to examine her patient to understand him better. Jim grabbed the PADD he just put down on his desk : he pushed on a button, turning it on again, before scrolling down the screen.
A new clic, and a mission report appeared. Jim scrolled down to the part he was interested in, before begining to read aloud :
« Faced with a very dangerous situation, as much for her as Captain Kirk, Doctor Noel showed great composure, and the capacities for initiative and coping skills up to the standards expected for an officer. Her reactivity ensured the force field protecting the planet was turned off, allowing Commander Spock and a security team to beam down. »
He rose an eyebrow, staring at her :
-Are you disputing those facts ?
-No. She shook her head, cheeks red. But it's not the point.
-But it is, doctor. His eyes softened, before he added : I wouldn't be here today, if it wasn't for you. His eyes turned troubled for a moment, as the terrible memories from Adam's cursed machine came back to haunt him, before he shook his head. Consider this my way to thank you.
-Captain, the young woman whispered.
She began to extend her hand, before stopping, her cheeks turning crimson as she gulped. Jim stared at her, his face tired.
-I think we both received a lesson in humility today, Doctor Noel. I won't hold against you your …. Infuriating behaviour, if I'm sure it won't happen again.
Helen nodded, staring down at the desk.
-It won't happen again, captain. Thank you, she whispered finally.
He could have – should have – reported her terrible behaviour when they met, then in front of Doctor Adams. It would have been expected, even asked for. Nobody would have challenged his report, especially since Commander Spock was there when they talked, and would have logically testified his way.
And if his word had not been enough, then the cameras and the soundtrack would have been easily provided by security, proving his accusations of Helen's unwanted flirting toward her superior officer were true.
Little to say, her career would have been over.
Jim decided to spare her, and she would be grateful forever.
The captain shook his head, his voice tense when he answered :
-No. Thank you. A moment of silence. Was there anything else, doctor ?
It was Helen's turn to shook her head.
-No.. Just this.
Jim shook his hand, indicating she was dismissed.
-Then, good night doctor.
-Good night, captain.
Already, he was grabbing a new PADD, promess of a night shortened by hours of reading. Helen looked at him for a moment, before finally turning away, guilt mixing with worry and a new form of respect.
How could Kirk behave so calmly despite the hell he went through on Tantatus was beyond her.
Maybe, she was starting to see first-hand, what the true nature of the captain, was actually made of.
As for her, guilt, she knew, would stay with her for a very long time.
If she had been professionnal, if she didn't let Adams charming her, if she listened to her superior officer …
If, if …
It was with her mind filled with questions she left the room, Tantalus' memory mixing with the one of the highly professional man she just talked to.
So, so far from the happy and charming personnality, she met on Christmas.
Like Mister Spock would have said himself : fascinating.