It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune is a bit like an egg.
This is a separate vignette that does not follow from what happened in Chapter 1. You may assume that everything went as per canon up to Chapter V.
PRIDE AND PLAINSPEAKING - THE LEAST LIKELY TO HATCH
"You began the evening well, Charlotte," said Mrs. Bennet, with civil self-command, to Miss Lucas. "You were Mr. Bingley's first choice."
"Yes but only because I was the first woman that my father introduced to him. He had little alternative if he wanted to be polite. But I heard him praising Jane as the prettiest lady at the assembly."
"Upon my word! Well, that was very decided, indeed—that does seem as if—but, however, it may all come to nothing, you know."
"He is very agreeable," Jane said. "But it is very early in the acquaintance and the less said about it the better I think."
"Yes," Elizabeth said. "His sisters look down upon us all and if they hear a single word that sounds like we are plotting to capture him for his money they will pack him in a box and send him to a safe house far away from here, and then it really will all come to nothing."
"Oh, you think they can be scared off so easily?" Mrs. Bennet asked.
"What I think is that Mr. Bingley's sisters are looking for any excuse to get away from Hertfordshire, as they would like to move in far loftier spheres," Charlotte said.
"Mama, do you remember Mr. Thomas? Everyone was saying that he meant to propose to Miss Long soon, and what a great match it would be for her, since he was so wealthy, and then he just left. I think he was scared off by the gossip," Jane said.
"Remember that Mr. Bingley is our neighbour," said Mary. "So we shall not covet his house, his fields, or his servants."
"Or his ass," said Lydia.
"Well," said Mrs. Bennet primly. "Not unless he married you."
"He has a very nice house," said Kitty. "Can we covet it just a little on Tuesdays?"
"I mean it," said Jane. "No one is to say a word about his income, or his house in town. Not a single whisper about who
the mistress of Netherfield is going to be, or what a handsome couple we would make, or how marrying him could help our family."
"Right. Should they think that Jane is a fortune hunter that her family is trying to promote they will run away faster than you can say five thousand per year," Elizabeth said.
"Oh!" Mrs. Bennet said. "But surely it will not hurt to be friendly. Jane, if you like him he needs to know."
"I would not like to be too forward," Jane said.
"We could drop hints," Mrs. Bennet said. "I already told him how kind you are, and how you are the prettiest girl in Hertfordshire."
"Look, Mama, we know that you mean well," Elizabeth said. "But sometimes you think you are helping, by advertising our charms to gentlemen, and it actually harms our chances. Telling him how wonderful Jane is does nothing but make you look desperate and embarrass Jane."
"Embarrass Jane!" Mrs. Bennet exclaimed. "How so?"
"Mr. Bingley has two adequate eyes in his face and can see Jane for himself," said Elizabeth. "Whether he thinks her desirable or not, knowing that her mother considers her a beauty would not change his opinion. The only thing that excessive praise will accomplish is to make it seem like Jane is being foisted upon him."
"What do you think?" Mrs. Bennet asked Miss Lucas.
"Well," she said. "I think you both have a point. It will not help Jane's cause if the Bingleys assume her to be after his money. So even if there is a financial interest in marrying well, and there always is, none of you should say it out loud. And no one should look like a pushy matchmaker. Any obvious ploys to manoeuvre them together are just that, obvious ploys that he will easily see through."
"If it is just a thin sort of inclination it may scare him off altogether," Elizabeth said. "Nobody likes to be manipulated."
"Oh! Very well," Mrs. Bennet said. "Not a word about his fortune, or about Jane's beauty."
"He already knows that he is rich, and he knows that Jane is pretty," Elizabeth said. "He does not need to be told."
"Right," Mrs. Bennet said. "We may have reason to feel hopeful but we will do so privately."
"Exactly," Charlotte said.
"But you said we were both right," Mrs. Bennet asked.
"Well, I agree that if Jane likes him she should let him know," Charlotte said. "No one else should do any magic tricks to promote the match or to force them to spend time together. But Jane needs to do something to seek him out or show that his addresses are welcome."
"I would not wish to be labelled a flirt," Jane said.
"Of course you should not do anything improper, vulgar, or dangerous," Miss Lucas said. "I doubt that you would know how. But you cannot act like a cold, reserved ice queen statue either."
"Am I an ice queen?" Jane asked, taken aback.
"In all due respect, you are a very lovely, kind, and wonderful ice queen, made of frozen marble." Charlotte said. "Gentlemen tend to think that you are beautiful, sweet, and utterly unapproachable. Most of them feel like you must be quite out of their league, because you never give them any encouragement."
"I would not like to incite gossip."
"I dare say your family might help, by not gossiping about you." Charlotte looked at Mrs. Bennet. "Wouldn't it be nice if no one crowed, hinted, boasted or waxed triumphant about Jane and her handsome suitor and the great match she may or may not be about to make?"
"Well," said Mrs. Bennet. "One would certainly not like to count one's chickens before they hatch."
"I do not see why," Mary said. "In my opinion it is much easier to count eggs than chickens, as they run around less."
"Indeed," Jane said. "So there currently is one egg, and we have no idea if he will ever hatch."
"There are two eggs," Charlotte said. "No doubt Mr. Darcy is the least likely to hatch but you must admit that he is an extremely eligible egg."
"Mr. Bingley definitely has his sunny side up but no one would accuse Mr. Darcy of being over easy," Mrs. Bennet said.
"He does not seem easily cracked," said Kitty.
"I think he is more of a deviled egg," Lydia said. "To call Lizzy merely tolerable!"
"I beg you will not put it into Lizzy's head to be vexed by his ill-treatment, for he is such a disagreeable man that it would be quite a misfortune to be liked by him. Mrs. Long told me last night that he sat close to her for half an hour without once opening his lips."
"And which of us has not?" said Kitty.
"Kitty!" Mrs. Bennet said.
"Unfortunately we all know that Mrs. Long may easily talk to herself for an hour, and rarely requires a response," Charlotte said.
"I certainly saw Mr. Darcy speaking to her," Jane said.
"Ay, because she asked him at last how he liked Netherfield, and he could not help answering her; but she said he seemed very angry at being spoke to," Mrs. Bennet said.
"Miss Bingley told me," said Jane, "that he never speaks much unless among his intimate acquaintance. With them he is remarkably agreeable."
"Her point being that we are not worth the effort of being agreeable," said Elizabeth.
"I do not believe a word of it, my dear. If he had been so very agreeable, he would have talked to Mrs. Long," Mrs. Bennet said.
"Mrs. Long is hardly an intimate acquaintance of his," Charlotte said.
"Everybody says that he is eat up with pride, and I dare say he had heard somehow that Mrs. Long does not keep a carriage, and had to come to the ball in a hack chaise."
"No, I could not imagine Mr. Darcy to have any interest in how Mrs. Long travels," Elizabeth said. "I shall eat my bonnet if he has any idea what kind of conveyances a single soul here keeps."
"I do not mind his not talking to Mrs. Long," said Charlotte, "but I wish he had danced with Eliza."
"Another time, Lizzy," said her mother, "I would not dance with him, if I were you."
"I believe, ma'am, I may safely promise you never to dance with him."
"Do not be a fool, Eliza. He is tall, handsome and has ten thousand per annum," Charlotte said. "If he asked I would dance with him, and a lot more besides."
"He may be rich as a nabob but it does not make him a good man," Elizabeth said.
"It does not make him a bad man either," Charlotte said. "He made one unfortunate comment - are you going to hate him forever for it?"
"Mr. Darcy is Mr. Bingley's special friend," Jane said. "Will you please try to get along? We should attempt to get to know him and be friendly. Holding grudges and offending his friend will not endear our family to Mr. Bingley. "
"But Mr. Darcy is so proud," Mrs. Bennet lamented.
"His pride," said Charlotte, "does not offend me so much as pride often does, because there is an excuse for it. One cannot wonder that so very fine a young man, with family, fortune, everything in his favour, should think highly of himself. If I may so express it, he has a right to be proud."
"That is very true," replied Elizabeth, "and I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine."
"He was certainly very rude but I dare say it had nothing to do with you and your worthiness, Eliza," Charlotte said. "Mr. Bingley was pestering him to dance with strangers and he did not wish to dance with any of them."
"I hate it when that happens," Mary said.
"How unfortunate then that he accidentally wandered into a ball," Elizabeth said. "What ill luck to detest dancing so much and to be forced to attend an assembly where dancing is the order of the day."
"They must have other kinds of balls in town and he was unaware of our country manners," Kitty said.
"I think it was his famous last words," Charlotte said. "By some divine justice he will end up absolutely obsessed with Eliza, and she, in turn, will not find him tolerable enough to tempt her."
"They say he owns half of Derbyshire," Mrs. Bennet said. "Maybe you should try to get to know him after all."
"Oh Mama!" Elizabeth said. "Please stop hatchmaking."