Majo Kon-ki
The Marriage of Tanya the Witch
(The marriage chronicles of a witch)
Teaser chapter
August, AD 1995, a small church on the outskirts of Hastings.
The large doors of the small church burst open with a loud bang, announcing the entrance of the petite bride. She held a bouquet of red roses and wore a long, fluffy white dress that covered her entire body except for her shoulders and a low-cut neckline, but since the girl had a 'modest' cleavage, it wasn't of particular notice.
Now, what was eye-catching was the lengthy, dense veil, obscuring her features to such an extent that one had to speculate whether she was indeed the intended bride underneath.
The girl, by her part, dearly wished it wasn't herself under the veil and despite the bridal march beginning to play, she didn't budge. The bride seemed unsure whether to stay in place or turn back.
"How did this charade come to be?! Despite all my meticulous planning, I'm ending up in the complete opposite direction from the one I intended!" She had thought about it before, and the answer was always the same: things don't always go as planned. And here, one misunderstanding piled onto another until she was entirely submerged by them.
"Would you give me the honor?" Her hesitation was broken when her favorite teacher, Professor Snape, offered his arm.
"Humpf! For someone who supposedly holds so much affection for me and absolutely despises my fiance, you soundvery eager to help with this ceremony!" Still, the man held the honor of being her first and most trustworthy ally, perhaps, she should give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Who knows? Maybe it's not too late to ask him to help me."
"…!" However, no sound came out of her open mouth.
"Did I lose my voice?!" As if she didn't have enough problems…
With a heavy sigh, she took the offered arm, and they proceeded to walk down the aisle together.
"Am I really taking this path? As a matter of fact, do I have any choice in the matter?!"
"… Waahhh!"
"… pretty dress!"
"… fits her figure so well."
"Eh…?Taking into account that I am not marrying one of her sons like she wished, Molly Weasley did a superb job in rounding up a decent number of guests…" Initially, she had assumed the sisters from her orphanage would be the sole attendants. Nonetheless, judging by the strong magic emanating from the mana signatures around her, she assumed some of her schoolmates and teachers were present.
"In any case, I should have accepted to marry in Hogwarts." There, with the many dangers the school had, the ceremony would be postponed indefinitely.
"Aff…another failed plan." She had convinced her fiance's good-for-nothing guardian that she had selected this location because of a promise she made to the mother superior to marry in the orphanage where she was raised. In truth, she was simply trying to stall for time.
'A magical church where God grants everlasting happiness!' Supposedly, no couple married there ever ended up divorcing, making it incredibly difficult to secure a reservation.
"And before the date arrived, I wouldbe long home… back to my job, my true life…" Then, a small error of judgment or rather, a set of little mistakes and it was all over.
"Grr! And my last, most disastrous blunder was me trying to save my 'dear-husband-to-be'!" Only to find out later that she had actually made things worse.
"… fake?"
"Hm?"
"… she is hiding?"
As she passed, murmurs filled the air. She had expected people to be happy to see her back on her feet, instead, there was a distinct sense of uneasiness all around.
"And somehow, I don't think this is because of Voldemort."
"… they are forcing her, I am telling you!" This last whisper had her raise an eyebrow.
"So funny for someone to think I am being forced…" Looking as, for some reason, everyone always thought of her as madly in love with her fiance.
"Unfortunately, this awful idea came from me!"
'I-I-I LOVE YOU! Please make me the happiest person in the world by living with me the rest of our lives!'
"Ugh! It's quite astonishing the utter nonsense that can spill from a mouth fueled by desperation!" While she was busy contemplating these thoughts, Snape came to a stop and she realized they were in front of the altar.
"Wasn't it a little too quick- Ah…" She saw her betrothed (or at least, his silhouette): Harry Potter.
She had deliberately avoided glancing in his direction when entering the church. With the veil obscuring her vision, she wouldn't be able to see him anyway. But, mostly, because she clung to a last sliver of hope…
"Was it too much to ask that he had run away?!"
"Hello, Ta- Mrs Potter!" He came closer and offered his hand.
"The heck with all this confidence?!" She was expecting him to be a mess of nerves, considering that he seemed to be always worried about something. Instead, she could sense all the happiness emanating from him.
"You sure you don't want me to call it off?" Snape whispered at her side. Harry apparently heard this as he directed a nasty glare at the professor.
"Why didn't you propose this before?!" She shared the boy's anger. Despite her admiration for the man at her side, his timing was irksome.
"Better, yet! Couldn't you have done something drastic? Maybe kidnap me?!" Feeling that there was no use having thoughts she couldn't voice, she let out another heavy sigh and exchanged arms.
"Wahh…!" He stood there, wearing a stupid expression, apparently content with just touching her.
"It's almost nostalgic. Wasn't this obsession with holding hands how it all began?" Subsequently, she accidentally accepted to date him, which led to kissing and… some OTHER stuff.
"I-I always managed to avoid the 'main event', saying I was keeping myself for after the wedding!" Obviously, tonight she would have no excuse to avoid the CONSUMMATION.
For an instant, she truly considered that he listened to her thoughts as a small blush emerged on his face.
"WHAT DID THIS BOY EVEN SEE IN ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?"
"Shall we begin?" The priest asked.
"Ah? Of course!" Without losing enthusiasm, the boy guided her to their designated positions. At this point, she noticed Ron and Hermione nearby, a few steps behind Harry and herself. As the hymn paused, the priest commenced the service.
"We… are… here… today… to celebrate-"
"Hold your horses!" Ron Weasley's dramatic shout startled every person there except the bride, who saw it as a golden opportunity.
"Nice save Ron! Always knew that you couldn't be a complete- wait! Why is he doing this?" For him to stop his best friend's wedding, he had to have a strong motivation.
"Argh! He is not gonna go 'stalker' on me, is he?!" It would be another of her mistakes coming back to bite her in the ass.
"Come on! Two instances where we shared afew kisses doesn't turn him into my charming prince!" Also, he declared he was going to give up, meaning one less annoying boy was pursuing her.
"Harry, check her out! What do you think?!" Contrary to her fears Ron had something entirely different in his mind.
"Me? I think this is the most wonderful bride ever! And I am the luckiest bloke in the world!"
""…"" Both she and Ron had nonplussed looks.
"No! Don't you reckon it's kind of suspicious? That huge thing?!" He pointed to the veil on her face.
"Wha-" Suddenly, it all made sense. The tense atmosphere from before was people suspicious that she had traded places with another person.
"Why does everyone expect me to run away again?! I had my reasons for that one occasion!"
"Ron Weasley! Stop making a fool of yourself!" A furious Hermione tried to step in.
"Hermione, you know her best of all! When would she agree to wear such a dress in the first place, huh?! She hates all that girly stuff!"
"And I still do! And this blinding blusher veil wasyourdear mother's idea! Something about tradition, abouthiding myself until the moment was right!"
"And why isn't she saying anything?! Kneazle got your tongue?"
"I'm so nervous I can't speak, you insensitive numbskull!"
"Besides, you said she was trying to find excuses to delay the ceremony!"
"Ron! I swear I am going to hit you later!" Despite her threat, she turned to the bride with an apologetic expression.
"Please, I said it without meaning to! Don't tell her- I mean you- I mean…!" She covered her mouth too late. It was obvious that she shared Ron's supposition.
"Hermione Granger, you are a disappointment on so many levels!" Beginning with the fact that the bushy-haired girl never became Harry's girlfriend as she had wished.
"Instead, she schemed to bringus together- hum? Thinking back, isn't itin fact all Hermione's fault that I am here?!" At least, she could trace the start of their romantic relationship back to a certain day Hermione came asking for help.
"Hey, Ron! Stop trying to spoil our wedding!" Harry let go of her hands, apparently quite pissed at his friend.
"Didn't you learn with all the absurd ideas you had before? You once had the gall to suggest she was a man under polyjuice potion!"
"Not so absurd actually, no one else ever came so close to finding the truth about me."
"Y-you bloody ingrate! I should let you marry another girl! Perhaps this stranger is less of a devil!" She flinched, as Ron suddenly grabbed her shoulders.
"You don't need to cover for the princess anymore!" Being called by the title she detested was bad enough, and then he had to invade her personal space, attempting to peek at her face under the veil. She struggled to find a good reason not to murder him on the spot.
"She probably threatened one of her nun friends to take her place-" Ron's eyes widened as he was greeted by a pair of blue that he knew all too well, accompanied by a more familiar and intimidating glare.
"Can you hear me, Ron Weasley? In the future, should you even think of touching me, I will turn you into mincemeat!!" Ron was not a Legilimens, but she knew he could see the image of his mutilated body in his mind as well.
"!" Stunned by fear, he slowly retreated to his place behind Harry, his expression neutral, likely trying to pretend the whole incident didn't happen. A whole minute went by and despite all eyes being on him, no one uttered a sound. Eventually, it was an annoyed Harry who broke the silence.
"Ron, care to clear my bride's good name?" He demanded, tapping his foot impatiently.
"Y-yeah, it's h-her…" He grunted aloud.
A collective sigh of relief echoed from almost all the guests, followed by a few laughs as the tension lessened, confirming that Ron wasn't alone in his suspicions. The bride, though, didn't join in this mood; she trembled with irritation.
"Bunch of morons! Do all of you think I amthat stupid?!" She felt genuinely offended.
"For starters, there is that damn ritual! And second, I can't go back home, meaning I have to make the best of the life I have here!" In other words, it wouldn't be good for her image to leave the famous Harry Potter at the altar. No one in the magical world would give a job to the one who scorned the legendary boy who lived.
"Regardless of people thinking I am some sort of royalty, I barely have any money to sustain myself!"
"May I continue?" Unaware of her plights, the priest asked, his expression devoid of amusement.
"Yes! Please!" Harry answered, regaining his former enthusiasm and taking her hands again.
The elderly priest cleared his throat and restarted very slowly.
"We… are… here… today…"
"YES!" She couldn't believe the sudden turn of luck. With the old man's sluggish pace delaying the service, she could analyze, rationally and carefully, which factors to use as the perfect excuse.
"Perhaps, it may take HOURS before-"
"I DO!" Unexpectedly, Harry announced for all to hear.
"A-already?!" The bride was further taken aback as he quickly slipped a wedding band onto her finger.
"Wha-" Meanwhile, the priest was left agape.
"Listen, young man! A ceremony has to follow the proper steps! You can't jump to the end!" She didn't fail to see the irony that the only person to share any of her indignation was the one performing the wedding.
"Sorry, father! It's just that after almost losing my beloved, I want to start our life together as soon as possible!"
"Stupid boy! You can't expect an elderly priest to ignore traditions because of your impatience!"
"Fine…" She almost fell over seeing the old man waving his hands in a signal of surrender.
"WHAT?! Don't you have any sense of professionalism, you old geezer- EEKKK!!" She panicked as the priest turned to her, clearly intending to pose that dreadful question.
"H-hang on a moment!" And like this, she was completely defeated, with no new plan to save her neck.
"What about you…"
"W-w-we were supposed to have a longand boring service and then,something would happen!" Maybe, contrary to what Professor Snape said, one or two death eaters would appear.
"… what do you say..."
"A-another datewould be set a-and it would alwaysbe delayed!"
"… Miss Tanya Degurechaff?"
All eyes turned to Tanya, waiting for her answer.
"How…?"
However, in her mind, a different question echoed incessantly.
"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!"
AN: This marks my very first attempt at writing fanfiction, a desire I've harbored for nearly 20 years.
The inspiration for this story came from a Youjo Senki doujin where Tanya plans to marry Erich von Rerugen as an excuse to retire and seek a peaceful life away from danger. However, in that story, she appears indifferent to the idea of marrying a man, which I found implausible given her character. To me, Tanya would be deeply unsettled by the concept, especially considering its implications, such as the expectation of sex. As I pondered how she might realistically react, these musings evolved into the story you're reading.
Now, you might be wondering why this is a Harry Potter crossover. Well, I initially set out to find a Harry/Luna romance story, but the ones I stumbled upon were mostly harem stories. So, I decided to incorporate Tanya instead… perhaps out of a desire to see him with a blonde, I guess!
I must admit that I've gained a newfound respect for writers. It took me no less than six hours to pen this piece, and several days to refine the initial draft. My hat's off to the writers who craft amazing stories and see them through to completion.
That being said, I'm unsure if this story will resonate with anyone. While I have the narrative mapped out in my mind, translating it onto paper has proven challenging. If it doesn't find a warm reception, I'll likely keep it as a one-shot. However, if it garners sufficient interest, I'm willing to continue, though I'll need assistance, at least from a beta reader.
This story will primarily fall under the humor genre but expect elements of drama and adventure as well. I must issue a WARNING: there will be moments this story will go very dark, including at least one reference to rape and potentially a scene thereof. Originally, I had no intention of including such themes, but they proved necessary to address certain plot issues. If these topics are distressing to you, I advise against reading further.
As for the romantic aspect, it's uncertain if this story can be classified as such. While Harry will harbor feelings for Tanya, she (being the sociopath she is) will not reciprocate any love.
If you're interested in beta reading this story, here are the requirements:
- Proficiency in British English (as I lack it)
- Familiarity with the Harry Potter universe (primarily the books; I'm not too concerned about the movies)
- Knowledge of the Youjo Senki universe (including the anime, manga, and preferably the novels)
Feel free to send me a PM if you're up for the task.
Lastly, I apologize if I've inadvertently violated any rules of this site. As a newcomer, I'm still finding my way around, so please do give me a heads-up if I've made a mistake.
An2: this was revised on April/2024