Plot: Death Eater meetings naturally only consist of plotting the most evil of crimes, right? RIGHT?!

"My lord," Severus bowed respectfully as he entered the room, walking forward calmly and collectedly as he took a seat to Voldemort's right, looking around at the table full of death eaters.

"Ah, Severus, nice of you to finally join us," Voldemort said in a silky voice as he looked at all the gathered death eaters in front of him. "Greetings my friends and family, now that we are all here, we can discuss how to proceed with our plans."

"We should kill the Potter brat!" Bellatrix piped up.

"Only I shall kill him," Voldemort declared. "I must be the one to do it, there will be no more doubts about who is the superior wizard."

"Obviously, you are superior," Draco quickly cut in. "After all, Harry Potter's just a filthy half-blood after all. And we all know that half-bloods are stupid and weak, like dumb kittens."

"Yes, of course," Voldemort said lightly while Snape tensed ever so slightly.

"I mean, could you imagine being a half-blood?" Draco chortled. "I'd rather die, wouldn't you? Couldn't live with the embarrassment,"

"Of course," Voldemort repeated somewhat slowly. "Now, I..."

"I mean, they're even more pathetic than mudbloods," Draco snorted amusedly.

"Alright, alright, I get it, I..."

"Probably not good at anything," Draco continued on. "Only slightly better than my house elves."

"I'm a half-blood, you dunderhead!" Snape snapped at Draco whilst Voldemort resisted the urge to add a 'me too, dumbass' into the conversation.

"Yeah, but you're a death eater so it cancels out," Draco said with all the logic of your average young death eater.

"Moving on," Voldemort said while Snape glared at Draco. "We shall start with taking out Dumbledore. Now, I've long since suspected that Dumbledore 'played for the other team' as they say."

"Played for the other team?" Lucius repeated confusedly.

"Yeah, probably like him," Voldemort added whilst gesturing to Draco who was now staring at his reflection in a spoon.

"What do you mean by 'play for the other team'?" Rookwood asked.

"You know...like...if he was in a quidditch team...he'd want the beaters bat..." Voldemort said, looking around and seeing nobody quite understood what he meant. "You know? Maybe he'd want to play with someone's quaffles? Someone's big and round quaffles."

"Dumbledore likes quidditch?" Peter Pettigrew guessed and Voldemort instinctively hit him with a cruciatus curse before continuing.

"No," Voldemort shook his head. "I mean like...his favourite place in the world is probably the Isle of 'Man', you know?"

"I've never been there," Bellatrix frowned.

"Look," Voldemort sighed deeply. "Have you all ever thought about how the guy is hundreds of years old and he's never once been reported to have a girlfriend or wife?"

"How could he land one with all those fancy robes he wears?" Fenrir Greyback snorted.

"Oh for Merlin's sake," Voldemort groaned before deciding to put it in a way that they couldn't not understand. "He's a fucking Chudley Canon's fan!"

"OH!" The death eaters all gasped at once, realisation hitting them, everyone and their mother knew what it meant to be a Chudley Canon fan (with the exception of Ron Weasley, Hermione had tried to tell him once). Narcissa took a moment to look at Draco, perhaps wondering what he would like in their quidditch gear.

"Yeah, anyway, I think we need to find proof that Dumbledore's been 'out and about' as they say to ruin the old cod's reputation," Voldemort decided.

"My lord," Snape spoke up, slowly and hesitantly. "Dumbledore has been...'out and about'...for some time now."

"Openly?"

"Yes, everyone knows that he's been out."

"Really?!"

"Yes."

"Do people know that he's been 'about'?"

"About what?" A death asked.

"That life?" Bellatrix guessed.

"Shut it," Voldemort snapped before turning back to Snape. "So, people know he's out?"

"If he was any more out then he'd be off the bloody planet," Snape stated bluntly.

"And to clarify, they know that 'he's been about'?"

"Grindelwald, three different people caught for theft, Madam Umbridge's muggle uncle, a reporter from the Daily Planet, Fudge's step-son, four people that had been sent to Azkaban and a necromancer or two," Snape listed off. "Those are just the ones that I know about. He seemingly likes 'bad boys'."

"So..." Voldemort took a moment to shiver off that last comment, wondering if he counted as one. "What you're saying is that..."

"People already know, nobody cares," Snape told him.

"Makes sense," Pettigrew squirmed as he managed to pull himself off the floor. "No straight man stays near a babe like McGonagall and doesn't try something," He said, licking his lips.

"Typical," Voldemort snorted while sending another cruciatus to Peter. "So, we must come up with another plan then,"

"I got it," Bellatrix suddenly said. "I know what to do, I will bring Potter over to our side."

"How do you plan to do that?" Snape blinked.

"He's a male and I'm a goth girl, it's easy enough," Bellatrix shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?!" Her husband blurted out.

"Nah, he's main character material as well, story logic indicates that he's going to be pretty hung," She stated matter-of-factly.

"You're married!"

"To whom?"

"Whom? You're married to me!" He yelled.

"Oh yeah," She blinked as if she just remembered that. "Suppose I'll have to kill you then," She decided.

"Wait, whaaa...?!" A killing curse cut him off before Bellatrix turned to Narcissa.

"I got to have a grieving period before I can make my move," She shrugged. "Do you mind tagging in for a while?"

"What?!" Blurted out Lucius, causing Draco to finally look up from his reflection.

"Not going to lie, that could work," Voldemort hummed thoughtfully.

Harry woke up with a gasp as his mental connection to Voldemort suddenly cut off, leaving him back in the Gryffindor common room. Thankfully, the other Gryffindors hadn't been woken up. He took a moment to calm down and think about what he had just seen. It was an odd experience, watching death eater meetings. Seeing Draco being a dumbass wasn't the most surprising thing in the world, seeing a death eater die and Pettigrew get tortured was a pretty good thing and then there was that bit at the end with Bellatrix and Narcissa.

"Not going to lie, that could work," He hummed.