Dogs days are over~ Florence The Machine

"I took you out of the fallen house and went to St Mongo's, we stayed there two days straight to make sure you were alright, but none of the healers had any explanation as to how you survived either. Then I went to Dumbledore, and I argued with him for yet more days on end. First, because he didn't bother making sure you were dead, and then because he insisted that I have to send you to your Aunt"

"And you did," I said bitterly

"I did... I had to... As much as I hated Dumbledore for it back then, he was right, he's always right. It wouldn't have been fair to you. You see, Werewolves are not typically accepted among other people, Dumbledore is already risking a great deal by hiring me, not everyone is James Potter, and most people won't even look at me once they find out, you didn't need to be associated with all of this, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if you had to be shunned away because of it, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if you were ever in danger because of it. So... I let Dumbledore send you to the Durselys"

"Why didn't you—"

"I tried to" he said, it seemed to be crucial to him that I understood this, "I did, I tried to visit and see you, Petunia wouldn't hear of it, I had only met her once before that and she didn't seem to like me very much, she said I could either take you or stay away from all of it... I tried, but eventually, I figured It's best if you grow up away from all this, the world that caused all of that pain, all I could do is wish that you and Harry would grow up as happy as you could ever be without your parents"

We didn't, I thought as I stared at Lupin, I was falling apart, I didn't even know what to think anymore, I wasn't even sure if he was lying about any of it, or if he was at least hiding something, nothing made sense to my blurred brain, I didn't know how to feel or think.

"That's everything... That happened... Do you need to know anything else?" He seemed to be holding himself together as much as I am, which is to say barely. I wanted to know a whole lot of other things, I had a million other questions scattered in my mind like the books around me, they merged and weaved together in my mind, not leaving space for anything else, not leaving space for me to breathe.

So naturally I straightened and said, "No, I don't, thank you" and got up to leave.

"Wait"

I cursed, I was almost at the door, I wanted to get out of here, I was so tired, I didn't want any more information, truth or lies, I didn't care anymore, I couldn't differentiate between them anyway.

"It's past curfew, you'll get in trouble if you go back alone" Said Lupin getting up. I sighed and nodded.

Lupin was right, if I had gone back alone I would've been in Filch's office right now, listening to lectures about how unfair and easy student punishments are these days. The worst thing is, I wasn't sure that was so much worse than walking back with Lupin. I couldn't think properly, all the information I'd learned today was crippling in my mind and I felt too watched to start picking at them, the silence was a little too awkward, but for me, it was better than talking, it seemed like every time he opened his mouth it's another secret that will cause another skyscraper to fall in my mind. But of course that's big talk from someone who broke the silence with a question she knows is going to hurt her even more.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My tongue produced these sounds, I take no claim of them. "When you came to Hogwarts, why didn't you tell me? If you hadn't slipped up just now would you have told me at all?" I dreaded the answer even before I finished the question.

Lupin stayed silent for so long I started doubting if he had heard me, he finally opened his mouth and then closed it, he seemed to be weighing his answer pretty carefully.

"I... I wanted to, I wanted to tell you even before I came to Hogwarts, last year, I debated sending you a letter or even visiting Hogwarts but I never went through with it, I didn't know anything about you and I didn't know how you'll take it. Then when I found out I was coming to Hogwarts I thought it was the perfect opportunity, I was determined to tell you, I planned everything, but then on the train, after the attack, I couldn't bring myself to do it because of all that happened. Later, I tried to tell you multiple times, but I never picked up the courage. I even planned to do it during your detention, but I backed down at the last moment" he looked down at me with a weak bitter smile, "I guess you can say I was just too much of a coward to tell you, I'm glad I slipped up"

I didn't respond and kept staring at the floor as we walked, I don't know if I'm glad though, would I have preferred to keep living in a lie? I wasn't sure. But his mention of the train attack reminded me of another mystery I haven't solved yet. Again, my words beat my better judgment.

"During the Dementor attack, I kept hearing really weird voices, they seemed like they were coming from inside my head, like whispers and wails that I couldn't decipher. One of the voices was yours, I didn't know it was yours till you were trying to calm me down after the Dementor was gone, you kept saying that I'll be okay and that I'm safe now, but the voice in my head kept saying the same, was that... Was it a memory? Like with Harry when he heard mom's voice, is it the same?"

He studied me for a second, he seemed to be surprised by the fact that I heard something during the Dementor attack.

"I think it is... I do, I think it's a memory"

"A memory of what?"

"The day I went to Godric's Hollow and took you out of the rubble of the house, you were quiet until I got there, but when I took you out you started to cry... Faint tired sobs... I was terrified it might make your case worse, the best I could do was whisper that you'd be okay and that all the danger was gone now... I kept whispering even after you stopped crying and fell asleep... That's probably the memory you heard"

It is, I felt it in me.

You're safe

You're fine, you're alright

I'm right here

His whispers echoed in my mind, the way they were, the way they echoed during the memory, I didn't know how I didn't notice it before, the way his voice had trembled as he whispered those reassurances. Reassurances that he didn't believe in.

I can suddenly see him... Standing in the ruins of a fallen house, holding a little baby, I could hear his heart break more and more with every faint sob that came out of my mouth, I could feel the desperation in his voice as he was telling me, alongside with himself, that it was over, that it's going to be okay, even if neither of us believed it.

Suddenly I wasn't mad anymore, the parade of anger inside of me had subsided, replaced by grief, dark heavy grief, for both myself and Lupin.

We were almost at the portrait, I stared up at him and finally, by a miracle, I managed the faintest of smiles.

The next day I was so dazed I couldn't focus through all my morning classes, not until Ginny cornered me at lunch did I start putting everything into perspective as I told her what happened (leaving out the part about Lupin being a Werewolf).

"How do you feel about all of it?" Asked Ginny after she listened to me patiently.

"I don't know," I said truthfully, "It's like all of those news and surprises at once and I don't know what to feel anymore... What do you think about it?"

She pondered my question for a second, "I think you should be happy"

"Happy?!" That might be the only word I don't feel right now.

"Listen, Emma, don't get me wrong but I think you always see the worst in situations, it's like you're always looking for reasons to hold yourself down, and I'm not saying that any of the things you're dealing with is easy, I know how hard it is and I think you're so strong for facing them, but maybe everything would be less hard if you don't always insist on facing them alone"

I felt attacked but I didn't understand how exactly, "What do you mean?"

"It's just, that you're always carrying all your burden alone, it's like every time I have to beg you to open up even though you know it'll make you feel better, you didn't even bother telling Harry about any of this. It scares you that maybe you won't have to be alone now. Remember when you came back during the holidays, you told me you wished you had a trusted adult that you could just talk to, well you have that now. He might have lied and he might be late, but he's there, I mean look at Harry, his Godfather is Sirius Black, how do you think that's like? You should be glad"

Ginny had just voiced something that I had struggling to put into words ever since last night, as much as the revelation had confused me and ruined the few facts I was still sure of, it had given me a weird hope. Like someone lit a candle in the depth of a dark cave inside me, I didn't want to let myself hope or get attached to any ideas. But since last night, I only had one thought in my mind.

He came back for me, everyone dismissed it, everyone thought I was dead, he didn't, he went back, even if just for a dead body, he went back, if it hadn't been for him I would've been dead. he didn't give up on me like everyone else. For that, I was grateful, it was sad that I am, but I am nonetheless, I'm grateful he came back then and grateful he's here right now, even if he was late both times.

"You might be right," I said in a haze.

"I'm always right," said Ginny matter-of-factly.

Things were still just a little awkward during Defence classes, it took me almost two weeks till I picked up the courage to wait after the lesson and tell Lupin my original concern about Diaz.

"I do believe he's smart, I won't be surprised if he figures it out, but why do you think he would tell"

"I know he would, he always thinks like that" and proceeded to tell him what happened in Hogsmead.

"That's is concerning, but wait, what were you doing so late at Hogsmeade?"

I told him about the dinner at the walkers and the train ride back, I don't know what got into me, I wasn't even thinking before I spilt everything that happened, talking just felt easy all of a sudden, I stopped myself from telling him about the to-do-list at the last moment, I wasn't ready to share that just yet.

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that is, Emma, why didn't you notify Professor Macgonegall or me or anyone, they would've sent the carriages"

"I don't know I didn't think about it"

"Didn't think about it?! What if instead of Diaz you met Sirius Black, you know, how dangerous he is and I know you know he's after Harry, he had been sighted in Hogsmeade, and attacked Hogwarts, what were you thinking?!"

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be that comfortable talking. He was right though, it hadn't occurred to me that I had any other choices at the time.

"I wasn't, I'm sorry," I said guiltily and we fell into an awkward silence again.

"I don't get why you two don't value your life that much", said Lupin exasperated.

"I'm sorry, are you suggesting that I'm as stupid as that weird scar kid with bad eyesight?! Because I have proof that I'm not"

Lupin couldn't help but grin, "just be careful, please"

"I will be," I said genuinely, "do you have any idea how Black does that though? Like how he got in and out of Hogwarts or how he got out of Azkaban in the first place?"

Lupin seemed to pale a little, he didn't respond for a while, I figured the question had occupied a great part of his mind like it did mine,

"I don't know," he said finally.

A lie

I was getting good at noticing those now, I didn't know what he was lying about, does he have some vivid idea about how Black escaped? I didn't know if he did but I'm sure if he had any information he would tell Dumbledore, wouldn't he?

All second years were required to choose extra subjects, I was very indecisive about them, I didn't know what to do, but I knew what not to do, which was take all the subjects and use a time turner to go to all. Although I have to admit Hermione was doing just a little better now that she dropped Deviation and was on good terms with Ron and Harry again.

Given that I'm never in the mood to have someone predict my death, I hadn't considered deviation as an option, Percy kept saying that I should choose whatever I want to pursue as a career, which drove me crazy because I have no idea what I want to do for a job. Sarah and Ginny were struggling with their choices too.

Lastly, Ginny, being her father's daughter, chose muggle studies as a first choice, and then she and Sarah picked care of magical creatures simply because it was Hagrid teaching it. I couldn't argue with that logic so I picked care of magical creatures too. Later, under Hermione's influence, I picked ancient runes and Arithmancy, they were pretty much the harder subjects, so not a lot of students picked them. But of course, as expected, I found out that Diaz is taking both of them alongside, muggle studies. Yes, you've read that right, Mateo Diaz was taking muggle studies, and no one had any idea why.

I begged both Ginny and Sarah for days to try and take either subject so I wouldn't be alone, Ginny refused to take more than two subjects so her timetable wasn't too crowded and she could hopefully try out for quidditch one day. Sarah on the other hand was still not sure about her second subject so she finally caved and took ancient runes with me.

A few days later, I was sitting in the charms classroom after I had successfully shrunk my enlarged candle, except it wasn't so successful because Diaz had done it before me. To avoid the undermining smirks he kept shooting me, I took out a piece of parchment and started trying the various revealing charms I've looked up for the millionth time.

I wrote C.W. with my normal ink, dried it with a quick spell then took out the green ink Sarah had got me for Christmas and painted over it.

I kept practising all the revealing or erasing spells I'd looked up. I cast one spell, sometimes the ink disappears and I paint it again, and sometimes it doesn't. It was all pretty useless because it didn't matter if it worked here or not, it never works on the list, I've tried every single spell I've found on it and nothing works. I just keep doing that with the hope that maybe I'm casting one of them the wrong way.

"No, no, Miss Taylor, that's not the right wand movement," said Professor Flitwick in his squeaky voice as he approached

"It's the one in the book," said Sarah showing him her textbook.

"That's the engorgement charm's wand movement, Miss Potter, why don't you show her how you did yours"

I sighed, "Of course, Professor" I said and tried one more desperate spell on the parchment and then put it aside to help Sarah.

"What spell are you trying to cast?" Asked Professor Flitwick.

"I... It's not in the syllabus, I'm just trying something"

"What is it? I can help you"

I hesitated for a second, but he actually can help, I don't have to tell him what I'm using it for.

"You know the erasing spell, the one that goes vim extermina?" I asked while doing the spell, the green ink disappeared showing the faint blue C.W. "Well, is there any kind of ink or sticking charm that's resistant to this spell?"

"There are a few sticking charms that are, but they're not resistant to the Revealing charm" he painted over it again and said a silent incantation "Aparecium" The ink disappeared again.

"I tried that"

"Tried it on What?" Asked Flitwick confused.

"Erm... Nothing... I mean, is there any other way something could resist that spell?"

"Well there's a kind of ink, it was pretty popular in the seventies" said Flitwick thoughtfully, "he pointed his wand silently and a vial of ink flew from his desk, it looked like normal blue ink, nothing special about it. He used it over the paper again and cast the revealing spell. Nothing happened, the word stayed covered stubbornly.

"People would use it all the time to hide texts, but they lost interest in it because it was removed by one simple spell" explained Flitwick, "incendio"

Flames burst out of his wand and caught the ink, weirdly enough, it didn't touch the paper itself, just the part with the ink on it, the flames ate around it, I expected it to make a hole in the paper but it didn't. The flames died down in a few seconds leaving no trace of the ink with a C.W. written as clear as ever.

I sprinted to my dorm after class and took out the to-do list page. I hesitated, if this page burst into fire it would be over, I will never know what was written in it. I prayed that it wouldn't, closed my eyes and cast the spell, with a miracle, the flames only stuck to the ink, the same way they did earlier, I gave a huge sigh of relief as the words started to show. My relief didn't last.

https/pin.it/tyN9uMfAs

Become animagi

I'm a stag because stags are big and cool and brilliant

And booring

And what exactly is so interesting about a big Black dog?

I can... Chase my tale?

I frowned as I read and reread the sentence over and over again, still, its full meaning didn't register in my mind.

Animagi?! Why are there ticks next to it?! There's no way they actually did that, there are no records of it, no one ever said that, nothing that indicates... Black... Black is an Animagus. Is... Is that how he escaped? Is it how he went in and out of Hogwarts? No no, that's madness, there's no way two fifth years just become Animagi, that's insane, even Professor Macgonegall didn't do it until she was seventeen, and that's Professor Macgonegall.

My head was spinning, there's no way it's true, but why would they write it if it wasn't, they never thought someone would read it, did they? And if it's not true why was it painted on? Why was it hidden if it's nothing important? Sirius Black is an Animagus... A Black dog, but if he was able to change all this time and escape, then why hadn't he escaped twelve years ago? If it was that easy.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Just when I felt that, yet another thought sneaked it's into my mind. Does Lupin know? What if he does? Why would he keep it if he did? Wouldn't he at least tell Dumbledore? I asked him if he knew how Black escaped and he said he didn't, I didn't believe him then, but I didn't think he was keeping something that big, it didn't make any sense, but what if he was keeping it on purpose? What if he's somehow involved in Black's escape? No no no, no way, the way he had talked about Black like he had betrayed his trust, the way he talked about my parents, there's no way he's helping him, no way. Please god don't let it be Lupin, not Lupin, not him, I've never trusted someone that much or that fast before, not Lupin.

I sat on my bed, clutching the paper in my hand tightly, almost hoping that it had burned up, I looked out of the window trying to arrange my thoughts, should I tell someone? Maybe if I ask Lupin he'll explain, but then again maybe I can't trust him, maybe I should go straight to Dumbledore, can I trust Dumbledore? If Lupin is helping Black won't he have a reason for it? Maybe I should help him, I felt extremely angry and disgusted at myself upon this thought. What reason could he possibly have to help the man responsible for my parent's death?! no, there's no reason for that, am I so desperate not to lose the faint sense of safety I got from Lupin that I would risk being associated with my parents' murderer? I don't know what to do anymore. Can I trust anyone enough to tell them? Maybe I should tell Macgonegall, she would even be the best person to know about Animagi and if Dementors would be fooled by them.

I needed to stop thinking in my panicking way first, I can't go talk to her like that, I might be overreacting, I have to think clearly first.

As I stared out of the window I almost smiled as I noticed three figures arguing by the front gates, it was almost sunset, and there was no way they'd be allowed to go out right now. But of course, Harry, Ron and Hermione pulled the cloak over themselves and went outside, I hope they're not up to something too dangerous.

As I couldn't see them anymore, my sight trailed off to something else, Crookshanks was napping carelessly under a tree, I hoped my mind was as clear as his. As I thought that he suddenly woke up and stood in concern, he does that sometimes, but this time he looked like he saw something, and he ran ahead. My heart almost stopped from what I saw. Somewhere near the Whomping Willow, next to Crookshanks, about ten meters from where Harry had disappeared was a

Huge. Black. Dog.