Majo Kon-ki The Marriage of Tanya the Witch
(The marriage chronicles of a witch)
Arc 5 - Order of the Phoenix – part 3
April, Unified Year 1973, Rerugen's orphanage in Berun, the capital of the Federal Republic
"He rests with God." In solemn reverence, the chancellor closed Erich von Rerugen's eyes.
"Sob! What are we to do without him?"
"We carry on his legacy by supporting as many children in need as we can."
"Y-yeah… like he used to say, help them today so tomorrow they-"
""… won't turn into little monsters! Hahahaha!""
Tanya couldn't help a pang of jealousy watching the two laughing and moving on from their grief.
"You alright?" Peverell asked, noticing her gloominess.
"I thought… he had abandoned me. I was supposed to find some twisted satisfaction in watching him die…"
"You don't need to feel bad, you freed him of his last regret." He placed a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder.
"A purified soul, coupled with his numerous good deeds, ensures he'll earn much happiness in his next life."
This drew a slight smile from her lips.
"I know it might be a big request, but could you take me to see my subordinates as well?"
"Sorry, I only have enough energy left for one last trip…"
"Oh, what a shame…"
"It's not. As I mentioned, I can do this one final time…" He waved his hand and they went somewhere else.
"… we just need to go to the most optimal location."
Tanya was puzzled as they reappeared in the Demidovich house, apparently a few minutes after the movie ended. Currently, Grantz and the commie Tatiana are watching TV while enjoying tea.
"Why bring me back here-"
'… on the anniversary of Tanya Degurechaff's death, this documentary shall reveal all about her closest acquaintances…'
"Ah?" She shouldn't be surprised that a movie enthusiast would come up with such an answer.
In any case, she and Peverell took their seats near the unsuspecting duo for another session.
'… it all started on an occasion the commander enjoyed my pasta…' In an old footage, Neumann explained what motivated him to start his own restaurant.
"His pasta was still the best on the menu!" Grantz said, recalling the many occasions he went there before Neumann's passing.
"… a pity his grandson didn't inherit his knack for cooking!"
'… I thought I had destroyed enough…' Another old record showed Koenig talking about his following days as an architect.
"One of my warmonger men working to create something? What a shock!" Despite her sarcastic words, she was proud.
Next, it was Grantz's turn to mention his days as an artistic photographer.
'… photos were all I had from Visha and the commander to remember…'
"Besides, I wanted to capture people being happy, I was tired of gruesome scenes…" Present day Grantz added.
"Aff! Will he ever stop whining about Arene?!" With no further complaints arising from either the past or present lieutenant, the documentary continued, highlighting each member of her Salamander Kampfgruppe, concluding with Weiss.
'… that year, Matheus Johan Weiss, an adept police officer, quickly rose to the rank of commissioner following the apprehension of the leader of a group planning a coup…'
Tanya smirked, realizing the reason a second world war didn't happen was that this world's version of a 'certain fascist' never got the chance to rise to power.
'The lunatic had the gall to say that Tanya Von Degurechaff was the proof that people with blue eyes and blond hair were our superiors!' On the screen, an old Weiss shook his head.
'What an outrage! The commander's belief in meritocracy was as strong as her faith and love for the fatherland…'
Tanya was hit by a sense of arrogant satisfaction, convinced she was the primary reason the new Republic Federation avoided further wars.
"Hehehe! Now, that's definitely a solid justification for having statues built in my honor!" Lost in her delight she almost missed the next segment.
'… were you two resentful for your forced retirement following the reform of the army?'
'No, not forced, I felt I had done enough for the fatherland and it was the moment to rest and enjoy my grandchildren!' An elderly Kurt von Rudersdorf declared, smiling.
'It was as Kurt said, our only regret was our failure in ending the war sooner and… the tragic destiny of that poor child!' It was comforting to hear the sorrow in the voice of Hans von Zettour.
Next, began the part about Rerugen and all his social work for children welfare. Having met the man himself, she didn't need to pay attention.
"Thank you, Peverell."
"You are welcome. Have you found your closure?"
"Definitely!" Despite her failure to exact revenge on the Russy Federation, she took solace in the knowledge that she was valued by her colleagues, irrespective of their ranks. In addition, she found herself unexpectedly relieved to learn how her men had lived fulfilling lives until their passing.
"And on top of it all, I am extremely pleased to discover that PIG didn't touch me! The unicorns were right!" She was finally at peace with the world.
'… new footage. An exclusive declaration which may give some clarification about Rerugen and Tanya's relationship!' Tanya glanced at the TV as the reporter turned to the same woman she had seen present during the general's passing.
'Is it true what you said? Mr Rerugen was terrified of Tanya?!'
"Ah! That is right! I didn't clear this up!" Her attention was drawn back to the documentary.
'Grandpa used to say that we should be wary of a child so deeply committed to her country to the point she would be willing to destroy and kill for it…'
"Is that his reason? Instead of a prodigy, he thought I was a psychopath?!" It seemed the answer was simpler than she first thought.
"I was a soldier, what the heck did he expect me to do?! I am kinda disappointed on-"
'… by what I saw during his last breaths, I think it was all an excuse to hide his true feelings for her!'
"… huh?"
'Poor grandpa, imagine his conflict! In love with a little girl! He had to convince himself she was evil so he wouldn't succumb to his passions!'
"KYAAAHHHH! SEE?! HE DID LOVE HER!" Again, Tatiana Demidovich erupted at the suggestion that her shipping was correct.
""It was true?!"" Grantz and Tanya exclaimed together.
"D-does this mean…in every meeting, all those gifts he gave me were noton orders but because he… l-liked me?" Tanya couldn't help blushing at the possibility.
"Oh! I can hardly wait for the next Tanya movie!" At Tatiana's words, Peverell turned a full glare at her.
"Do you see what sort of disasters messing with time can bring?!"
"W-what?! I did ask if there was any problem talking with Rerugen!"
"Besides, I fail to see how this can be a disaster…"
"And I warned you to exercise extreme caution! Who knows when we will have another Tanya/Visha movie?! If ever!"
"I find out my superior officer was a closeted lolicon and this is what worries him?!"
"… my debut as a director!" Tanya heard Tatiana inform Grantz of this news.
"Oh! Congratulations!"
"And my dream is to, someday, direct an improved remake of 'Tanya, Little Angel of Peace'!"
"Ugh! Not another porn version of my life!"
"And part of it would be that my daughter would interpret Tanya!"
"… eh?"
"I hope this old man will live long enough to see you launch it! Would it be too different from the original?"
"It will be exclusively Tanya/Rerugen and with a lot more ROMANTIC scenes!"
"I-in other words, more nudity and sex!" Plus herself as the main character.
"See what I meant?!" Peverell awakened her from her vision of hell.
"Okay! I get it! I screwed up and if I stay, I will fully pay the price!"
"Have you decided to stay here? If so, you could personally convince your mother that Visha is your true love!"
"I am not turning into a porn actress!"
"I told you they are erotic scenes at most! Besides, new laws about children in movies are being revised right now."
"What?"
"The same as in our own world, the cinema industry here is about to forbid the display of 'mature' scenes featuring children."
"This changes everything!" Truth be told, Tanya had no desire to return to her home world. Apart from enduring the hellish days with the Lovegoods, she feared what the love-stricken Harry might do to her once he finds out Luna's little sister is his fiancee…
"Brrr!" The simple thought of Harry pursuing her while she was in a younger body sends shivers down her spine.
"Besides, even if Harry doesn't turn into a lolicon, there is the disturbing prospect of that perverted dark lord wanting to impregnate me!"
"Just to make sure, Tatiana and Pandora are my only available mothers?"
"Yes, or… you could become an agent for the superior beings. I would love a partner to help on the job and go watch movies with."
"!" She shook her head strongly. No way she would become a servant of someone similar to Being X.
"Then, Tatiana it is!" However, she would still be trapped in a communist land…
"Hey, technically, I overthrew fascism before it began, why not do the same with communism?"
"Hehehe! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Following her sinister laugh, a flood of plans to eradicate socialism inundated her mind. Starting with her exposing a 'lost footage' of Tanya Degurechaff's true wish.
"I will see The Russy Federation burning from a privileged angle and by my own hands!" She would never find a nobler cause to live for.
"…!" Her boss appeared intimidated, taking a step back.
"Peverell, I have decided to stay- huh?" Suddenly, Tanya felt a hard tug at her body.
"What is- AHH!" The pull became more forceful, and she found herself several meters from her original position.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?!"
"I see!" Peverell nodded knowingly at her.
"There was a chance this could happen. But it was so minimal that I disregarded it completely."
"Care to tell me what- AHHHH!" The pull became constant and she saw herself coming through the floor.
"Tanya Degurechaff! You may have created many troubles for me, you surely messed up the timeline spectacularly…!"
"What are you-"
"… regardless, you concluded your mission. In the name of Death and on my own, I am grateful!"
"Can't you- GYAHHHHH!" She was in free fall.
"Fare thee well! May you have a long and prosperous-" She couldn't hear Peverell, falling a long way down…
"Hmmm…" Tanya's eyes fluttered open gradually. She couldn't recollect when she lost consciousness, only that she had been falling for what felt like an eternity.
"Huh?" Something, or rather someone, was obstructing her view and keeping her pinned down.
"Harry?" She identified Harry Potter as the one looming over her, so near that all she could see were his closed eyes.
"Mmmphhh?!" She tried to talk but found he was also obstructing her mouth.
"He was kissing me while I slept?!" Her initial surprise was being replaced by anger. She struggled to push him away.
"Miss Degurechaff? Are you awake?!" She could barely register Dumbledore, being so pissed off.
"I ask you to listen to me, there is a reason for Harry to be-"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU PERVERT?!" With all the strength she could muster, she managed to shove him away.
"No! The ritual is not finished!" She saw Dumbledore rushing to her alarmed.
"What do you… mean… by… ritual-" A second time, she fell into darkness.
"…"
"… hope…"
"… what… she…"
"… back… us…"
From afar, she saw a faint light and heard voices.
"… hey… waken…"
"Hmmm…?"
"… stirring! She is waking up!"
"… what?" With great struggle, she gained enough strength to open her eyes.
"Tanya!"
"You woke up!"
"I am so glad!"
"WHOA!" She hardly had a moment to sit before she was embraced by Hermione, Luna, and Ginny.
"Girls?! Why-"
"Sob! We thought you would never wake up!"
"We almost lost you!"
"Please, don't leave us again!"
"What are you people talking about?!"
"Miss… Degurechaff…" From a seat on a corner, Dumbledore referred to her, sounding very tired.
"How much… do you remember?"
"Me? I was-" It all returned to her: saving Harry's life, destroying the hallows, meeting Peverell, and…
"Everything, ugh!" … losing forever her original body.
"Clarify something for me. We did not interrupt you as you were on the verge of returning home, did we?"
Tanya shook her head.
"The patch was in front of me but at the last minute-"
'This is called an aggressive takeover!'
"Argh! Damn that BITCH!"
"I-I… really don't want to talk about it!" It would be too embarrassing to say aloud how all her plans, her strategies, and her humiliations accounted only for HALF of her to go home.
"Hihihi! Tanya, we can guess the motive!"
"You wouldn't go to Japan after your romantic promise!"
"… I am a little hurt that you chose to stay because of Harry and not all of us!"
Tanya sighed hard wondering if she would ever get rid of the sight of girls with dreamy looks babbling about her love-lovey relationship with Harry.
"Girls, my reasons are- wait a sec! Do you all know the truth about me?" And by truth, she meant that eighty-percent-made-up story she told Dumbledore.
"Yesterday, Professor Dumbledore showed us that… awful memory of yours!" Seeing Hermione and the other girls turn away their gazes, Tanya was almost hopeful they would declare their intentions to cut all ties with her.
"""TANYA!""" Without warning the three girls enveloped her in another bone-crushing hug.
"Couldn't they be wary of me for a few hours at least?!"
"Sob! Colin was right! Harry did cure you with his love!"
"I knew you were being forced! My friend is not a warmonger!"
"On this she is right…"
"Ron on the other hand puked his bowels out!" Ginny declared giggling.
"Ginny, that was uncalled for!" Hermione berated her.
"Tanya, Ron is as glad as the rest of us to see you alright, right, Ron?"
"Oh yeah! You can bet I'm chuffed to bits to see her!" This overly enthusiastic answer made Tanya notice the presence of the red-haired boy.
"Is there something in my face? What's with thestupid- no, the lecherous gaze?" Glancing down, Tanya saw she was completely naked, with a thin sheet hardly concealing anything.
"!" Resisting the urge to scream in anger, she focused instead on covering herself up.
"""RON!""" The girls, on the other hand, unleashed their fury at him.
"How could you take advantage of the situation?!"
"Mind your manners! Or I am telling Mum!"
"Blimey, you are right! Where are my manners?" Grinning, the boy bowed to Tanya.
"Thanks for the show!"
"Grr! How dare you…!" The smirk dropped from his face seeing Hermione pulling her wand.
"H-hey! It was a joke, no harm done!"
"Honestly! Peeking at an engaged girl! If you want to see someone naked, why not ask me- I-I mean… apologize to Tanya!"
"Why do I have to apologize, I didn't do anything!"
And they started their usual bickering…
"Was it just me, or did Hermione seem a bit jealous?!" Ginny asked, agape.
"Seriously? Can't you see she's totally into Ron?" Luna stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.
"I had my suspicions… since when?"
"Always, I reckon."
Tanya facepalmed herself at this revelation.
"There was never a chance she would get together with Harry…"
"You reckoned Hermione fancied me?!"
"Don't even ask about it! It was one of my biggest- Harry?!" Taking a glance behind her, she saw Harry lovingly staring back.
"How long have you been there?!"
"The whole time. Sorry, I was so fascinated watching you…! Oh, Tanya!" Once more, she was engulfed in a tight embrace.
"I missed you so much! I love you! I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE ALRIGHT!"
"Yup, I can see how happy he is by how 'something' is poking my-" She blinked not truly believing the sight: she was sitting on his lap, while he was as naked as her under the blanket.
"EEEEKKKK!" Flushed bright red, Tanya attempted to push Harry away.
"Tanya! Stop!" Immediately, the girls and Ron banded together to restrain her.
"You are kidding?! Give me a good reason to not-"
"If you separate from Harry you may die!"
"What?!"
"Miss Degurechaff! I beg you to hear me out…" Quickly, yet calmly, Dumbledore described the events after her death, starting with Harry using his enhanced mana to preserve her body for nearly two months.
"Peverel did tell me he was struggling with the magic I had left him." Though, she didn't expect such a fortunate benefit.
"Having said that, we were merely postponing the inevitable, or rather, there was nothing which could be done for someone who had… departed from this world." The headmaster said in a mourning tone.
"Luckily, I 'stumbled' upon a clue revealing the path I needed to pursue: an ancient ritual of bonding." Essentially, this ritual enabled two individuals to share their life energy through the foundation of an established relationship.
"In other words, if I wasn't engaged to Harry, I would be on my merry way to fight socialism! Dammit!"
"It was still a monumental task to reconstruct all the required steps…!" In the end, Dumbledore filled the gaps using what he saw Tanya do to bring Harry back, and her own theories about mana from her essay.
"Was that the reason for the kiss?" Dumbledore nodded his head.
"Basically, you tried to recreate half my 'mystical organ' by returning what I had given to Harry… Shit! And I interrupted halfway through?!"
"Actually, I was only starting…" Harry mentioned, giving her a comforting hug.
"I have an incomplete mystical organ, how am I alive- GEH! B-be careful with THAT!" She warned, sensing SOMETHING poking her again.
"Honestly, I doubted your ability to recover. You fell into a new coma and remained in this condition for nearly a week." The headmaster further explained how they tried to restart the ritual from zero but there was no change in her state.
"This is the reason I revealed the truth to your friends and permitted their presence here: to bid their farewells." Dumbledore tried to offer the consolation of Tanya not truly being dead, she merely had returned to her original life. However, the girls, exactly as Harry, couldn't let her go. In the end, it was an idea of the bright Hermione that to strengthen their link, they should be as close as possible.
"Are you saying that I will have to remain GLUED to Harry for my entire life?! And with both of us NAKED?!"
"Frankly, I don't know. This ritual is more of a legend and the requirements about what is considered a bond were hard to guess." He shook his head.
"My greatest hope is that by advancing your relationship, thus reinforcing your link, you may regain a semblance of normalcy."
"B-by advancing our relationship, you mean… marriage?!"
"Fortunately, you woke up right in time for the date of the ceremony at your church."
"Why the hell didn't I sleep for another week?!"
"I will call for Molly and Sirius. They expressed their wish to organize the wedding should you wake up." As Tanya saw the old professor getting up, she felt the urge to call for him…
"Professor, don't!" She was beaten by Harry of all people.
"Sorry, there won't be a marriage!"
""""""WHAT?!"""""" Everyone, Tanya included, was surprised to hear this coming from the boy so in love with her.
"Because of me, you've been on the verge of death for four years! I can't bear to see you like this for the rest of your life!"
"Did he just realize it?!"
There was a clamor all around them, with the girls pleading with him to reconsider. For her part, Tanya saw this as the perfect opportunity to finally bring an end to their misconceived relationship.
"Harry, I implore you to reconsider…" Dumbledore tried to intercede.
"… your engagement is the sole factor holding Miss Degurechaff alive!"
"Ha?"
"I hold the belief that the mere contemplation of leaving her could potentially sever your link!"
"GAH?! Really?!"
"Perhaps, a mere heated argument could signify her ultimate demise!"
"How can this be?! My situation took a turn for the worse!" Tanya figured that should Harry Potter ever find out about her lack of feelings for him, she would die.
"On the other hand, would it be so bad?" She could go back to Peverell and ask to reincarnate in the other world.
"No! Our dealings are over, so it isn't certain he will be waiting for me! What if it is Being X who appears?!"
"Tanya said she needs a 'magic organ'. Can't I give her mine?" While she wondered what to do, Harry made this absurd suggestion.
"Absolutely not! Similar to vital organs, its absence would result in your death!"
"Can we trade those? Tanya would have her life back, and I would be the one at risk! It's the least I can do, knowing she ended up this way because of me!"
"Hm? Maybe an exchange could work. And Harry wouldn't die, after all, only Voldemort-"
'… this had a grave consequence: since Voldemort already killed him, anyone can kill that boy now.'
She gasped, recalling the prophecy no longer protected him.
"My boy, understand such procedure was never-"
"NOOOO!" Tanya screamed suddenly.
"I still need him to kill the pervert Voldemort!"
"Tanya?!"
"I won't let you risk your life!"
"But Tanya, if you don't take my magic organ, we'd have to get married!"
"Fine by me! Let's get married!"
"I told you, I can't put you in more danger!"
"Listen boy, I can decide for myself what is best for me! And I am telling you I want to get married!"
"Can't believe I am gonna say this… there are loads of other boys who fancy you-"
"IT HAS TO BE YOU! I-I-I LOVE YOU! Please make me the happiest person in the world by living with me the rest of our lives!"
There was silence following her explosion.
"… wait! What the fuck am I saying?!?" Once her logical faculties returned, she understood she didn't need to beg for marriage; instead, she should aim to merely keep the engagement intact.
"Err, Harry, what I meant to say is-"
"Oh, Tanya! How can I say no when you ask like this!" As he held her close, the air was filled with the sound of emotional sobs from those around them.
The confirmation of the marriage apparently strengthened the connection, as Tanya no longer needed to be nude and was permitted to sit a little farther from Harry.
"I am afraid I can't stay for the ceremony…" Dumbledore excused himself, alleging he would be occupied with important affairs.
"Girl! I am so glad you are fine!" Sirius turned up afterward to see with his own eyes that she was back with the living. He didn't stay long as he returned only to inform he would get in touch with her orphanage to confirm the church reservation.
'LITTLE TANYA! WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS MY JOY…!' And Molly Weasley also sent her regards.
'WORRY NOT AS WE ARE WORKING FOR THE PREPARATIONS…!'
"Sorry about the howler, mum just wanted to make sure you knew how happy she is knowing you're okay."
"Well, if she was a little happier, I would be deaf."
"No, really, you have no idea how bad it was! Me and Luna would end up crying almost all day along…"
And they went for hours explaining how everyone was sad at her temporary departure.
"… Lavender and Parvarti in particular would send a new owl almost daily!"
"Speaking of owls, did the wizards of the other world use them?" Ron burst in eagerly.
"No, they had the same devices muggles used in the first half of the century."
"Oh! And what about wands?!" It was evident he'd been itching to ask this for a while.
"No, we used the computation- magical orbs in conjunction with firearms." Tanya was most glad to oblige, as the girl's talk was boring her to no end.
"Brooms? You never flew on those, that means no one else has either?"
"Well, the mages of some nations used flying devices similar to brooms…"
"And the paintings?!"
"…!" Unfortunately, Ron had more questions than she anticipated, and he wasn't shy in asking them.
It went this way for a while. And as soon as she was becoming annoyed enough, he changed to questions about her unique experience as a reincarnated.
"… babyhood is the most tedious period of one's life! This is definitely why we usually don't remember!" Having the memories of being a toddler twice, Tanya could say with certainty.
"Not to mention the mental torment at being nursed and having your diaper changed!"
"Taking those days into account, perhaps it is best that I am back." With Tatiana, before she could put down the commies, she would have to grow all over a FOURTH time.
"WOW! So this is why you are so good at everything!" The red-headed boy exaggeratedly exclaimed.
"Has he finally run out of questions?"
"Tanya, you are kind of a cheater!" Hermione muttered, frustration lacing her tone.
"I mean, how could I possibly match in classes your adult wisdom?!"
"If it offers any comfort, you're brighter than I was at your age."
"Really?!" Actually, no. But seeing the girl beaming, Tanya chose to not voice these thoughts.
"Blimey! Even I could be first in class!"
"In your case, maybe after ten lives!" Ron didn't hear his sister's sarcastic comment, being so lost in his own world.
"Darn! Wish you didn't turn Peeves into pieces! I could ask him to do the same with me!"
"Believe me, you don't want to mess with poltergeists- are you listening?!"
"I could be born into a rich family! It doesn't need to be royalty like Tanya's…"
"I am getting tired of repeating this: I AM NOT A PRINCESS! All my parents were commoners!"
"… then again, being a prince would have its own advantages…"
"He is definitely not listening!"
"Hm… since you were originally from Japan, you can't accept your 'new' ancestors?" Harry posed this question.
"Correction: no one is listening!"
"Come on fellas! Tanya doesn't fancy being called a princess…" Initially, Luna's unusual common sense delighted her, until she remembered the girl likely still believed Tanya to be the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
"… now, you should call her: Tanya, Goddess of the Eleventh Hour! Or Eleventh Goddess for short…" Following the weird statement, she pulled dozens of editions of the Quibbler.
"'The legendary Master of Death is the Eleventh Goddess'?!" All magazines had similar headlines.
"The heck?!"
"Sorry, Daddy in all his excitement ended up making a huge fuss." Luna whispered to her.
Basically, this new story continues the tale published two years ago. It follows the journey of the frail princess who, weary of relying solely on her wizard knight, sets out to find the Deathly Hallows to combat the increasing evil. Becoming the Master of Death, she ascends to godhood precisely at her knight/fiance's eleventh hour (hence her title). It concludes by telling how she entered a deep slumber to regain her powers.
"Argh! Princess, Master of Death and Eleventh Goddess!" And once Luna tells her father how she woke, people will surely add 'sleeping beauty' to the list.
"Daddy's magazine is flying off the shelves! And the best part is how your identity as the Crumple-Horned Snorkack remains completely safe!"
"Alright! Today is the day I kill Luna!"
However, as she was on the verge of strangling the younger girl, Ron couldn't resist asking another one of his annoying questions.
"Hey, Tanya! I was thinking, being the Eleventh Goddess-"
"I AM NOT A GODDESS!"
"Fine! While you had, err, superpowers, why didn't you kill you-know-who?"
"Don't be ridiculous! Because I… I-" Tanya went full thoughts for a minute.
"… why didn't I?!" The girl grabbed her head in distress, realizing that in all her despair to bring back Harry, the only one capable of killing Voldemort, she forgot how she was above any law of nature and prophecies.
"There was no need to save Harry! I could have done the deed myself!" Everyone watched as she began to bang her head on the floor.
"'Adult wisdom', Hermione said?! I am beginning to think I am just plain stupid!"
"Ron! Stop annoying Tanya! You've upset her!"
"How come? I didn't mention anything about the Prophet!" It seemed he had mentioned a taboo word, the girls shot him fierce glares and unceremoniously kicked him out of the room.
"Hold on, I want to hear what the Daily Prophet has been saying about me."
This brought about an uncomfortable silence among the girls.
"Come on, out with it! What has Rita Skeeter been babbling about?"
"Err, Skeeter? Definitely nothing!" Hermione said, sounding earnest.
"And what about Voldemort?" This question originated from Harry.
"I was so busy with Tanya's condition that I didn't ask Sirius or Professor Dumbledore."
"""!""" Their discomfort appeared to skyrocket.
"L-l-let's hold this talk for another day!"
"Right! You two deserve some peace of mind for a while longer!"
"We should discuss happier topics!"
Tanya was about to press questioning when suddenly, a tiny owl barged in, almost breaking the door. It swooped down and dropped a box in the center of their group.
"Piggy? AH! You brought it!" Now, it was Tanya's turn to be nervous, having an ominous sensation about the contents of the box.
"Look Tanya! Mum sent your WEDDING DRESS!"
"I knew it!" She was thrown into more hours of a nightmarish experience.
"… I think we are done!" Hermione declared.
"…" The three girls were silent for a moment and then…
"""KYAHHH! TANYA IS SO CUTE!""" They all wailed in joy.
"… you remember how much I hate dresses, don't you?"
"Don't be so grumpy! This is no mere dress, it is your WEDDING DRESS! Oh! I wish I had a camera!"
"Don't worry, Daddy called a professional to take pictures of the wedding!"
"Hey! Let me see too!" A blindfolded Harry asked.
"""NO!"""
"Why not? Me and Tanya have done plenty of, you know, 'stuff'! I've seen her naked lots of-"
"HARRY POTTER! Don't you ever dare to talk about your intimacy with a lady!"
"Yeah! A true gentleman never talks about it!"
"If mum caught wind of this, she'd have a fit! Remember how old-fashioned she is!"
"My point is that you don't need to cover my eyes while Tanya is changing. Have you forgotten how we were a few hours ago?"
"This is different! It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding!"
"And you two already went through your share of misfortune!"
"So we aren't taking any chances!"
Watching the girls berating her future husband made Tanya aware of how precarious her situation was. She tried every excuse imaginable to delay the ceremony: suggesting how no one could attend on short notice, arguing that she and Harry deserved a stag party, and even resorting to claiming she was having her period… none of them worked. They were all dismissed with a single sentence: 'If you don't marry soon, you may die again'.
"Ugh! Come on brain! Think of something, anything!" She was confident she would discover a safe solution for both herself and Harry, but she required time.
"Err, is it secure to hold a ceremony? You didn't tell me what has been going on lately. I mean, with Voldemort on the loose."
"Don't insist, Tanya! We agreed to leave all the bad stuff for another day!" Hermione was unwavering.
"Damn…"
"So, are you finished? I am tired of standing, and this thing weighs a ton!" Tanya asked impatiently.
"Hmmm…" Hermione stared at her, in deep thought.
"Upon closer inspection, I can't shake the feeling that something's missing…"
"True." Ginny nodded her head.
"She needs an accessory, maybe a necklace…"
"If you need a necklace, I have one with me." Harry pulled the object from his pocket, Luna swiftly snatched it to place around Tanya's neck.
"Yes! Now it's perfect!" Hermione merrily informed. With Ginny and Luna giving their thumbs up.
"What have you- GEH?!" Through a mirror, Tanya saw they had put the computation orb Harry's son had given her.
"I have to remind myself this isn't the type 95…"
"How come you had this thing with you?!" She questioned her blindfolded fiance.
"Professor McGonagall sent your trunk back home. I was organizing your clothes and found it."
"It is so pretty! And offers a nice contrast to your dress." As the girls admired the item, she felt fortunate no one inquired about its origin.
"Not that I would tell anyway, how I got it after almost killing Harry and Ginny's-" A thought hit her.
"Harry and Ginny will have a son!" This indicates that the two will end up together, making her prediction temporary.
"Unless he and Malfoy's boy accidentally did something to erase their future!" Recalling Peverell's warnings, she wondered if maybe they made a catastrophic change, resulting in Tanya being the one to give birth to Harry's children.
"I-Ireally need to think of something-" Her line of thought was interrupted as her room's door slammed open.
"TANYA!"
"Eh? Professor Snape?!" As fast as lightning, he pulled her into a hug.
"Heavens! You are really alright!"
She was shocked as the older man began to weep.
"Oh! I thought I lost you forever… that I… for a second- Ah!" Realizing the room's other occupants, he immediately recomposed himself.
"Ahem! Y-you are- Is that a wedding dress?!"
"That is it!!" Undoubtedly, he would strongly object to her marrying his most detested student.
"Professor, have you heard the news?" She graciously spun around, displaying the dress she was wearing.
"Me and Harry are getting married in a few hours!"
"You are WHAT?!" Cold fury exuded from him, mingling with the loud noise of his teeth grinding.
"Potter…!" He turned a full glare to Harry.
"Y-yes, sir?" She imagined the pressure was so great, that the boy could sense it under the blindfold.
"Hehehe! So long as he doesn't kill him, anything goes!" Though she would need to make sure the boy doesn't end up a cripple.
"… thank you for saving Tanya's life!"
"""""Eh?!""""" They were all equally flabbergasted.
"I'm relieved you didn't follow my advice and laid her body to rest!"
"… come on!"
"While others, myself included, abandoned hope, you didn't cease fighting for her!"
"Rip one arm! Maybe even a leg, so I can claim he can't stand at the altar!"
"This must be the reason a bright girl such as Tanya loves you so dearly…"
"Do something, ANYTHING!"
"Well, no one can be completely useless!"
"Is hurling insults all you're capable of?"
"And yet, I cannot deny an intense compulsion to do everything in my power to separate her from you!"
"THEN DO IT!"
"Still… I would never go against her wishes!"
"I should have seen this coming…" She almost felt happy knowing that above his hatred for Harry, his fondness towards her held a higher place.
"Nevertheless, be warned that should you ever hurt Tanya's feelings, YOU ARE DEAD!" The message seemed to have hit home, evident in Harry's audible, nervous swallow.
"By the way, Dumbledore isn't here? There are many things we must discuss!"
"Is it about Voldemort?" With a nod from Professor Snape, she recognized another opportunity.
"As he updates me, I will use any little possible threat as a leeway to postpone the ceremony!"
"You see, the dark lord-"
"Professor!" Again, Tanya was unlucky. Hermione and Ginny, like all other Hogwarts students, were too intimidated to dare to call out the potions professor.
"We were commenting on how we shouldn't spoil their happiness!" Regrettably, Luna, with her unconventional common sense, was a completely different story.
"The troubles can wait, at least, after their honeymoon!"
"You stupid girl- Honeymoon?!" The word echoed in her head.
"I-isn't that when couples CONSUMMATE their marriage?!" A shiver came down her spine.
"You are absolutely right, Lovegood. My apologies, Tanya."
"GAH!My last hope is the chance ofdeath eaters attacking during the ceremony-"
"Let me just give this piece of news: the Dark Lord and his followers are more concerned with keeping a low profile. They won't bother you or anyone else for a while."
There was a collective sense of relief among the present (except for one).
"Thank you, professor, I was actually a little worried about that!" Hermione exclaimed joyfully.
"What wonderful news, don't you think so, Tanya?!"
"… fantastic!"
Tanya stood before the doors of the small chapel within the orphanage grounds where she had spent her third childhood. The place, often regarded as a tourist hotspot, held a unique reputation: no couple married within its walls had ever faced a divorce.
"This place brings back only bad memories for me…" Going from the times the nuns forced her to attend mass to her last day there when Harry passionately kissed her.
"And today, I will have the final, worst memory of all!"
"You alright, Tanya?" Hermione asked, sensing her tension.
"Of course, I am not alright! I am about to get married to a guy!" It was a struggle to hold the bouquet with her hands trembling uncontrollably.
"T-Tanya, you are not thinking of running away, are you?" Ginny's question caused Tanya to raise an eyebrow.
"Have you forgotten? I will drop dead if I distance myself further from Harry!" In truth, these few meter's distance stretched their link too thin, she could barely register any 'life mana' being sent to her.
"It's just that some brides get cold feet…"
"… and you did run away before." Luna completed.
"Girls, must I remind you I am actually an adult? I am not some kid to back off my responsibilities… that is a privilege of my 'little boy' groom!" At least, she hoped for Harry, being a kid, to be so nervous he would run away.
"Tanya, you are not ashamed of yourself, are you?" The last comment had Hermione frowning.
"I mean, with you being almost double Harry's age…"
"SHE IS CALLING ME A SHOTACON?!" This insult had her on the verge of jumping at the girl.
"Grr! I literally can't spare the strength to be angry with you! So, don't piss me off!" She was being honest, with so little energy, she couldn't engage in any other action besides staying alive.
"W-well… we will go inside!"
"See you later!"
"Bye, Tanya! And please, don't run away, okay?"
Quickly, the three girls went inside the chapel.
"Good! I gained a few more minutes to come up with a way to get out of this mess-"
"Little Tanya."
"Mother?" Tanya was caught off guard as the woman who raised her, the mother superior, suddenly appeared behind her.
"… I am concerned." It was understandable. First, they reserve the church for two young kids to marry, then cancel due to Tanya's 'illness'. And next, rush to announce the marriage again.
"This old woman is sharp! She had to be suspicious of all the secrets I kept from her."
"I am not going to beat around the bush, are you pregnant?" Tanya nearly stumbled at the unexpected question.
"What?! No!"
"Is this marriage of your own volition?"
"… yes." Regrettably, it was the truth.
"The sad, worst possible outcome of four years of planning!"
The old woman relaxed her features, sensing Tanya wasn't lying.
"Well, I already knew young Mr Potter was sincere- Sniffle!" Tears welled up in the eyes of the old woman.
"Oh, Tanya! I am so relieved! You grew as a lonely child so adamant in never having any friends and now, our little church barely has space for all the people who came to see you!"
"D-don't exaggerate! Few people could attend this last-minute call!"
"My point! If it wasn't for the short notice, we would need a bigger church!"
"'Sharp' my ass! This old woman is clearly going senile!"
"And besides finding a good, honest and, well, WEALTHY husband, you held onto your promise to marry here! This place, where God personally blesses every single union!"
"Don't bring Being X into this!" She wished she could say.
"I'm heading in. Please don't delay, father isn't a patient man."
"Okay."
The mother superior was about to enter when she turned, glaring in suspicion at Tanya.
"By the way, you aren't planning to run away, are you?"
"Of course not!"
"Right…" She was still eyeing Tanya as she went inside the chapel.
"O-on the other hand… it wouldn't be a bad idea to retreat for the- ah!" Before she could make up her mind, Mrs Weasley came outside.
"Tanya, dear! Good thing I caught you on time!" She took out a few dozen fabrics and put them all over her blond head.
"I had forgotten to send your veil!"
"You mean veils! And isn't this too much?!" With so many blocking her face, all she could see was white.
"My dear sweet! You must pay attention to tradition, a modest and pure bride must keep her beauty hidden until the right moment!"
"Eh?! Mrs Weasley, how will I-"
"I will see you inside! And delay as much as you want! A bride must always be late!" The older woman hurried back into the chapel, and Tanya could have sworn she heard a whispered plea of 'please don't run away' escape her lips before she disappeared.
"I really can't- OUCH!" Trying to walk, she hit a wall.
"Bah! No choice…" She concentrated mana on her eyes to watch a little better.
"Where is the- Ah, crap!" It wasn't a wall she had run into, but the doors of the chapel, which swung open accidentally. She had no choice except to go through with it…
"Oh, well, l-let's get this over with! After all, it's not a b-big deal!" Maybe if she thinks very hard, she will start believing it.
Hermione was practically bubbling with joy; a few days earlier, she had been steeling herself for the sorrow of a funeral.
"And now, here I am, celebrating the union of my two dearest friends!" Surveying the crowded chapel, her heart swelled with satisfaction.
"Mrs. Weasley and Sirius are absolutely incredible! Pulling all of this together on short notice is nothing less than a miracle!"
Still, it wasn't flawless. Firstly, there was no time for proper attire; most guests arrived in their everyday clothes, and the groom himself had to make do with his Hogwarts uniform, the most formal option they could muster in less than twenty-four hours for the wedding.
"It was already hard to find Tanya a dress." Once more, it was Mrs. Weasley who deserved all the credit.
The second disappointment came with the news that Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid wouldn't be able to attend. Hermione reasoned the headmaster was occupied with recent events, and as for their half-giant friend, his whereabouts had been a mystery since the end of the school term.
"That said, every seat was taken!" Hermione's excitement surged as she scanned the faces around her.
In the front rows sat Sirius, Remus Lupin, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, and Luna (sulking because Hermione got the maid of honor spot) with her parents; Professors McGonagall and Snape were also there.
Behind them were Harry's Quidditch team: Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Fred and George, and Oliver Wood; Charlie and Bill Weasley with Fleur Delacour clinging to him, along with her little sister.
"Whose idea was it to invite that snob?!" Hermione muttered under her breath.
On the next row were Neville, Seamus, and Dean; her dorm mates Parvati, Lavender, and…
"What's her name again?" Hermione frowned in embarrassment for not remembering despite sharing a room for four years with her.
"I can't even remember if she is a muggle-born or- Ah!" She pondered whether anyone had reminded her classmates this was supposed to be a magic-free zone. Especially considering the final rows were occupied by Muggles: nuns from Tanya's orphanage, an elderly lady, a chubby boy around Hermione's age, and a slightly familiar couple.
"His relatives came?!" She stole a glance at Harry, who was completely oblivious, a broad smile fixed on his face as he eagerly watched the entrance. Twice, he was on the verge of bursting with anticipation as the doors swung open, only to reveal Mrs. Weasley and the Mother Superior.
Discreetly, she made her way over to Ron.
"Ron!" She whispered.
"Do you recognize those two, on the last row-"
"Tanya is not coming, is she?" He broke in, speaking in a whisper too.
"W-what are you talking about? A bride has to be late!" She couldn't deny that a part of her had been anxious about this.
"Other brides don't just up and vanish over nothing, do they?"
"You call a basilisk nothing?!"
"If I was a bad-ass witch warrior from another world, yeah, it would be a walk in the park."
"Uh…" She found herself unable to form a response.
"For such a powerful witch, she surely gets afraid of some minor- wait!" Then, another thought came to her.
"Tanya needs to be around Harry! What if this short distance proved too much for her?!" Hermione was overcome with apprehension, imagining her friend collapsed alone outside. She was about to excuse herself to check when the doors burst open.
""Huh?"" Both, rather than feeling relieved, gazed in wonder at the latest addition to Tanya's wedding attire: a blusher veil with so many layers it obscured whoever was underneath it.
"Bloody hell! She asked someone else to take her place!" Ron wasn't alone with this assumption, judging by the murmurs which began to spread among the guests.
"W-well, she was kinda nervous and it seemed she was trying to find excuses to postpone the wedding…"
"Oh, Tanya! Tell me you didn't do this to Harry! He will be crushed!" Once more, she sneaked a glance at the groom, finding him none the wiser, wearing a broader grin and bouncing slightly with each step the 'bride' took.
"That… SCARLET GIRL! Do you reckon she ran away with another bloke?!" Hermione felt this comment was crossing a line. But before she could defend her friend, the father behind them cleared his throat, signaling to the girl to return to her position.
"No, no, no! Definitely no! Harry wanted to cancel the wedding, it was she who ultimately convinced him!" Her logical brain did a splendid job arranging a defense… until she saw Professor Snape calmly guiding the bride.
"… he would be the right choice for an accomplice!" Her mind said to her this turn.
A few seconds later, they were standing in front of Harry, and Ron was shooting Hermione unmistakable glares, silently insisting she should do something. Naturally, the girl responded with a firm shake of her head.
"Tanya will be furious if she hears it was me who exposed her double!" No, it was for the best to pretend nothing was wrong.
"I will act the moment Harry lifts the veil, I will pretend that 'Tanya' is unwell and take her outside." And later, they could speak with the real bride and arrange for a more private ceremony on another day.
"We… are… here… today… to celebrate-"
"Hold your horses!" Unfortunately, there was no way to share her plan with Ron.
"Ron Weasley! Stop making a fool of yourself!" She tried to help the moron…
"… you said that she was nervous! Trying to find excuses to postpone the ceremony!" … and ended up compromising herself as well.
By now, even Harry was visibly angry, and on the front row, she could see Mrs. Weasley standing, clearly fuming as well.
"Hmm? Wasn't Mrs Wealey holding a bundle earlier- Oh, no!" All the pieces fell into place in her mind.
"She probably threatened one of her nun friends to take her place- !" Ron turned his gaze to her, white as a sheet. Unfortunately, she had no time to warn him.
"Y-yeah, it's h-her…" His meek whisper brought a wave of relief and laughter. Hermione refrained from joining in, noticing the bride trembling, most likely from anger.
"With luck, this will make her forget about me and Ron." She thought no more dramas would play out, however…
"What about you, what do you say, Miss Tanya Degurechaff…?"
"…" Tanya still wasn't uttering a single sound.
"Anything wrong, young lady?" The priest asked the visibly freaked out Tanya.
"To hell with that ritual, to hell with getting a job, to hell with defeating Voldemort, TO HELL WITH EVERYTHING! I AM OUT HERE!" She rushed away from Harry and the priest, opting to flee, just as everyone had expected she would.
"Tanya! Where are you- watch out!" With the veil obscuring her vision, it led her to bump into someone.
"How come I am keeping this thing on my face?!" She quickly took it off… to her immediate regret.
"Miss Degurechaff, are you okay?" Asked LORIA, right in front of her.
"HARRY!" Instinctively, she sought protection in Harry's arms, her panic restoring her voice.
"What is wrong?! You are shaking!"
"I-it's not him, it can't be him!" With the little rationality her scared mind could muster, she concluded it was the Russian photographer of Witch Weekly, as he was very similar to Loria.
'… daddy called a professional to take pictures of the wedding!' Her memory of Luna saying was further evidence, still, she couldn't calm down.
"You are so pale! Are you running low on mana?"
"Nothing happened! Then why?!" It seems she was mistaken to believe she would get over her trauma after finding out the truth.
"Harry…!" She heard Hermione speaking softly, intended only for their ears.
"Can't you see Tanya is suffering from 'pre-wedding jitters'?"
"You mean she has cold feet? Why?"
"Honestly, are you that dense? Do I have to explain every single detail about her for you?!"
"Huh?!"
"Harry, Tanya is not a girl, counting all her lives, she is almost thirty years old!"
"I have never thought of it this way…"
"Earlier, she gave hints that she may be ashamed of marrying a young boy. Most likely, she believes she's taking advantage of you!"
"What?! Tanya, is that true?!"
"The heck are those two talking about?!" She truly wished people would cut her some slack; it was exhausting to be misinterpreted always.
"Know what? I give up!" All her lies, all the deception, and what had she gained? She lost her way home and was about to be tied up to someone she didn't love.
"Alright, I may be risking my life but I am coming clean."
"Harry, I am sorry, as much as it pains me, I will tell you-"
"Tanya! I love you!" Firmly yet gently, he held her, making them have eye contact.
"I don't care if you are older, I want to be with you forever!"
"Care to listen to me?! What I want to say is-"
"It's okay!"
"!" Suddenly, she was paralyzed by a powerful echo in her heart.
"What…?" A peek at his green eyes and she found herself flustering.
"I will take you home…"
"… what… is this…?" It was similar to when he kissed her too much, except now, he was having the same effect with a single look.
"… always together! Frankly, I don't care what our relationship is so long as I don't lose you!"
"… the heck… you are… doing to me…?" It was as if she finally recovered something long lost.
"Tanya is so dear to me! This feeling is stronger than any other I have ever felt!"
It wasn't merely his eyes, his words resonated a powerful emotion within her, they were so nostalgic… so familiar…
"So, will you allow me? To cherish you, to protect you until death do we part?"
"Ahh…!" It was as if her heart was being squeezed.
"… young lady?" She barely heard what people were saying around her, so mesmerized by Harry's eyes.
"Is the answer 'yes' or 'no'?"
"Oh…? Yes…?"
"Hallelujah! I pronounce you husband and wife!"
"Eh?" The spell was broken with these words.
"You may kiss the bride!"
"EHHHH?! What did I- mmpphhh!"
AN: As I promised, with this chapter, I am also uploading a revised version of the first chapter. Since both chapters happen simultaneously, I recommend people to have a new read.
Neumann turned into a chef of a restaurant because I saw him preparing pasta in the Youjo Senki special. Koenig became an architect because I had no idea what to give him, only that I wanted Tanya to comment on how he was creating instead of destroying. I had Grantz become a photographer because of a hentai doujinshi where he takes a picture of Tanya at the beach. And Weiss became a police officer because I wanted someone to arrest that other world's Hitler before he rose to power.
With the ritual, it was meant to link both their lives so they could have some level of normalcy. Unfortunately, Tanya disrupted it at a crucial moment. Because of this, the link is weak, demanding them to stay close so Harry can supply her with the needed amount of mana. However, this situation won't go on like this, the marriage and the CONSUMMATION will stabilize their bond and Tanya will regain some freedom. Still, as she thought, should their status as a couple be officially broken or should Harry realize that Tanya doesn't love him, the link will be automatically broken and she will die.
About Hermione mentioning about a student she couldn't remember the name of, from what I could get from the Harry Potter series, each dormitory has five students of it, in the original story, we never got to know who the two other Gryffindor girl's names are.
Tanya said yes to Harry, because he has the same eye color as Visha, plus his words were almost the same they traded before her death with Mary Sue.
Next chapter: The long (waited) dreaded honeymoon!