Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the witcher. Those are property of Mr Sapkowski and I using Netflix series canon mixed with the books and my twisted version of the lore.
Warnings : Sex scene (not very graphic but this is an orgy ^^). Dark past and bad coping mechanisms.
Notes :
I took my time to post the second part, because I felt weird. I am never at ease at all with sex driven scenes, reading and writing, so I never go to deep (no pun intended) in the description of the act itself. But know that a good portion of the chapter is about that, mostly what is going through Geralt's mind.
Passiflora - Part 3
Denial
###
The rest of the day was benign for its first leg. Jaskier and he explored the city, while Dainty and Tellico were completing every formal paperwork they needed to legitimate the new citizenship of the Doppler under Chapelle's supervision. In reality, this would take a few weeks but they were all very excited with the new perspectives it opened.
At some point, Jaskier just went on his own and Geralt chose to explore more shady places. For him, a city revealed itself in those places. And Novigrad was no different than the other big cities. Things were a little bit more hidden because the fear of being caught was extreme and it was easy to look away, but the signs were there. There was a rampant drug issue there. At night, he bet the city would have a very gloomy face.
The only nice aspect was the diversity. This was so rare to see other races included and hot harassed, walking like every other human being, people talking to each other with respect. Were there any other places in the Continent where this was a reality ?
On his way, he found a herborist with whom he had a nice conversation. He replenished his supplies to make new potions.
At the end of the day, he went back to his car, put his supplies in the box behind the back seat. He saw Jaskier's bag and harp and smiled. The weird sensation of the morning fight had dissipated already. Everything is fine, he thought, locking their belongings in.
He sat on the platform of his pickup and took his phone. He had some more time to spare. So he looked at the news. The Nilfgaard and Cintra were apparently arming themselves again. Like always, he thought. These were the only two countries where Aretuza's mediation wasn't accepted, had explained Triss to him some day. A war was probably brewing there but this was a long term game with them.
Geralt didn't like human politics in general. Too complicated. Too aggressive. But knowing where the conflicts were about to explode was important for the hunt.
As he was scrolling down the main article about the two powerful states, a picture for a side article caught his attention. This was the portrait of an ageless woman. Dark hair, light brown skin and incredible purple eyes. She had an incredibly intense presence. Somehow she reminded him of his recurring dream. Curious, he clicked on the article and read.
- "Yennefer of Vengerberg, witch counsellor of the Aedirn's throne has been wounded defending the wife of one of the court members and their baby girl. Unfortunately, both have perished. The sorceress declared that this was a setup from the husband. She fought in three different countries as she tried to teleport away from their enemy but she stated that there was a magic tracker on the mother - a jewel, present from her husband. The killer was apparently a monster trainer - something we didn't see since the Dark Age - and has unfortunately escaped. The beast - a Krallagh, after the expertise of a cat witcher - was killed by Vengerberg and found on the side of Mont Gorgon, thanks to the good will of Toussaint's authority who permitted the passage of the inquisitors for the searches. An enquiry has been opened by both the king of Aedirn and Aretuza witches. The counsellor sorceress is known for her strong positions and disagreement with the regent but, for the moment, the evidence is in her favour and her testimony could provoke a renewal of all the court members, with all that it implies for those who are currently in place. Vengerberg is currently resting at Aretuza."
Yennefer of Vengerberg he mouthed. The name was familiar. Maybe Triss had spoken about her. He copied the link and sent it directly in a private message to Vesemir, though. The sensation of déjà vu was strong and the old man may have some unknown connection. He wasn't linked to Aretuza but Triss was a friend of the wolves and was welcomed at their keep. They use to speak together when she came, so maybe he knew more.
- "Do you know this person ?" He asked. The old man was connected and replied soon after he read the message.
- "No, why ?"
- "I have the strange feeling that I know her. I kinda remember her."
- "Flash memory? Dream ?"
- "Dream mostly, I would say."
The old man called him on the spot.
- "Be careful with dreams, Geralt. This could be important." He said instantly.
The old man still had a strong voice, charged with implicit authority. All the wolf witchers of Kaer Morhen were brothers, even Vesemir, but he had this special status in their heart. He was more of the father figure.
- "I have some insomnia with a recurring dream implying a woman." He explained, right away. "She looks like this Yennefer of Vengerberg I sent you. Even though I never saw her face, or I simply can't remember. She is a sorceress of Aretuza, maybe Triss would have spoken about her." He tried.
- "The name is familiar to me but I don't know her."
- "Ok." For Geralt, the conversation was over but Vesemir didn't seem to have the same opinion.
- "I know you don't believe much in this kind of thing but dreams are powerful presages and Destiny might speak to you through them. An easy way to spot them are the animal totems."
Geralt flinched. There was a crow before he usually saw her in his dreams. But she was not the first. He had dreams about Jaskier too linked to the wolf - himself.
- "She may be an important person to you, or maybe she is a step towards something else." Continued the old man. "The problem with Destiny is that we can never know until we are in front of what it wants us to accomplish. If you find a good lead, you have to follow it. Destiny cannot be avoided and should not."
- "Hmmm…"
- "Well, I tell you the things as I see it. No need to grump over me if that doesn't suit you, son." There was no anger or aggression in his voice but he was clearly not appreciating his reaction.
Vesemir was an ancient man, older than anyone he knew on this Continent, and he was quite savvy, but Geralt wasn't a believer by nature, and he could approve his mentor's conclusion. Every cult, every superstition had no anchor on him. He liked the simplicity of Melitele's cult, which provided respect for nature. But he didn't believe in it either, even after being taught sign magic by Nenneke for years in the temple. Destiny impregnated the cult of Militele too, like almost every other belief. But there was something that bothered him profoundly about it. He hated the idea that something else was guiding his feet in a direction he will never be able to control. Maybe that was because he was forced to be a witcher and he wanted to choose his path.
- "Vesemir, you said you don't know her, this was all I needed to know."
He heard his name called from afar. That was Jaskier, coming back from his excursion.
- "Is that your human I hear ?" Asked Vesemir. The old man still had a very good hearing.
- "His name is Jaskier."
- "I know you don't like much me giving you advice on that, but humans can't be friends with us."
- "I know the history of our people, Vesemir…"
- "I am not even talking about the purges, son. You are keeping a pet with you, with this boy. This is not good for you and for him." That was offensive. The conversation was taking a very unpleasant turn. "Human life span is ridiculous and they are so fragile. He could die from anything. If you get attached, losing him could hurt you more than you think. There is a reason why we stay with ourselves most of the time."
Vesemir was always a bit hard when it came to humans and trust. Geralt was beginning to regret having asked things suddenly. His mentor wasn't all that negative often, he must have caught him on a bad day. He needed to be patient.
- "I am aware." He sighed. "That's why I take care he doesn't come too close to me during my hunts. He understands that and he has learned quite quickly. And I am sure that you are very pleased by the free advertisement you have since I am the famous White Wolf of his songs. Did we lack money or missions for the past five years ?"
- "So you are using him ?"
- "No. But I am telling you that it is not as bad as you think."
- "You sound like a young and wild dog, not an eighty years old man, son."
Geralt chuckled this time. To his tone, Vesemir had switched gears for something less offensive. Jaskier approached and crossed his arms on the ledge of the platform. He titled his head.
- "Is this the old man ?" The witcher nodded. "Give him my greetings."
- "Hmmmm…" Came the reply in his ear.
- "He heard you. He is delighted and salutes you back." Said Geralt with a smile.
- "Oh… shut up, Doggo." This was affectionate even if imperative.
- "I'll call you later, Vesemir. I had an interesting hunt today, involving Dopplers."
- "Dopplers ? What ?..."
- "See you !"
Geralt cut short and laughed with Jaskier. This was perfectly impertinent and he certainly would have some remarks on his behaviour later but this was the payment for what he said about his friend. Maybe Vesemir was right on certain things but this friendship, as weird as it was, was his and if it should end then that was his problem, not his mentor's.
- "He still hates me, then." The young man said.
- "More or less."
- "I wish someday I can meet your family and maybe be accepted as a friend of witchers."
- "You are already the friend of one, this is a great step. Be happy with what you have."
- "Hmmmm…"
- "So where have you been ?"
- "I visited an art museum. Did you know that having a beard was like a magic charm ? I went almost incognito. That was delightful. I saw…"
That was an easy diversion to get the bard into a good mood. Geralt let him speak about all the marvellous things he saw there. He didn't care much about the subject. He usually let him speak until he stopped by himself. On this occasion, he was happy that it took a long time before it happened that way. It almost reseted his mindset, and so he joined the evening party, confidant and open minded. Which was rare for him.
###
Dainty had booked a table in a nice restaurant and they had a great time. The high priest shaped himself into Vespula - one of Jaskier's most serious conquests from Ban Glean who was enjoying the free unions as much as him - that he copied from his memories. There was very little chance that she would be known and noticed here.
Everything was back to normal for Geralt and he was enjoying the moment too. He rarely had a good time in public social situations. But the restaurant offered small spaces and they were just between themselves. Dainty and Tellico were quite fun people and having a happy Jaskier near him was all he needed to feel good.
- "So Dainty ! Do you remember the Passiflora?" Suddenly said the young man, leaning a bit on the table and watching the gnome with a smirk.
- "Oh that ! Sure." The little man laughed. "This is the after you had in mind then ?"
- "He always has only one idea in mind." Joked Geralt.
- "You shut up. I am negotiating fun." Said Jaskier pointing at him. "I need fun."
The witcher smiled. Yeah things never changed. But to his surprise, the young man convinced everyone to go to that famous brothel. The gnome and Dopplers accepted and he made Dainty pay on the top of that, as payment for the resolution of his affair.
###
Going to this kind of place with Jaskier wasn't uncommon but this time Geralt accepted the invitation to go to the brothel as a challenge to himself. To prove that Tellico had just messed around with him during the fight, deducing things from his own experience, not the reality of what a witcher was. And indirectly to prove to Vesemir that his human was a bro, as much as any witcher of the pack. He needed to have the confirmation that there was nothing more that what he already knew.
They all entered the famous place without trouble. This was the most class brothel Geralt had seen. Maybe the fact that everything was under the aegis of the Eternal Flame forced the owner to respect many laws. They ordered a proper orgy partie in a suit room. This was Dainty's choice. Geralt laughed, Jaskier was right, that little man did love special events.
It was a big room, with no bed, just mattresses and decorations. This had a nice cozy atmosphere and everything was clean. Several prostitutes, mostly women, came quickly after they settled. Jaskier asked for an additional man. He had his own pleasures to satisfy. They commanded food and alcohol, even after the abundant dinner they had. The extra dose of alcohol did the trick. Soon everyone was speaking loud, laughing a lot and feeling in the mood.
Geralt couldn't feel the sweet numbness of the mind because his mutant body was metabolizing the alcohol too fast but the sugar rush that followed was having a tiny effect and he was a bit loose, like everyone else.
Soon, Jaskier took two of the prostitutes with him in a corner, separated from the rest of the room by some almost transparent colourful curtains. He took the male with him. And that was almost the signal that started the fest. Tellico joined him and it didn't last long before he was out of his clothes - real clothes that Dainty gave to him - in a flesh amalgamation with the three others. Chapelle in the shape of Vespula was with the real Dainty who was visibly happy. The witcher was surprised by his inventive mind and his flexibility.
As he used to, Geralt simply undressed calmly and sat at the edge of the mattresses waiting for someone to make the first step. He knew how fast groups would mix and change as soon as the others would be lost in their own pleasure. He preferred to stay away and have his own pace. Soon a woman came to him and guided him. This was always how it began. The prostitute that initiated the thing for him was a beautiful soft brown skin lady with dark hair. Strangely her kind of beauty reminded him of his recurring dream but that got lost rapidly in the foggy sensation of building up pleasure. The arousal of the others made the magic and he let the tension grow in his body.
As always, he knew that this was just a mirroring response of his body to the others' chemical reaction of their sexual pulsions. This was good and he liked it but it was all that it was. A triggered reptilian behaviour.
The fact that he could fully think about that while the prostitute was trying to find his pleasure centres was a proof in itself for him. There was nothing there. And that idea pleased him. After a moment, he let his logical explanations to the side and tried to get into the moment. A second lady had joined the first who was now on top of him. The other one was kissing and caressing him where and when the first one couldn't. The sensation was good and he was beginning to let himself go. He could hear near him several unions already reaching some climax. He opened his eyes briefly and saw in his peripheral vision the silhouette of Jaskier moving rhythmically in the arms of others against the wall; he couldn't tell who was who. He knew what he was doing though. He saw this many times before. And he felt the surge as his friend was reaching a pike.
The next thing he knew was his body response. But this was different. It was stronger. He surprised himself when an almost animalistic instinct kicked in. He was suddenly responding to every stimulus, pressing, biting softly, kissing, caressing, enjoying the sensation of the flesh under his fingers. He liked this new state but this was very unsettling for him at the same time. He was not in control and he was not perfectly aware of his surroundings while being totally in sync with everyone in the room. A third person joined and what they did overloaded his senses.
That was how the unthinkable happened…
When he opened his eyes again, Jaskier was kissing him. In every other situation he would have pushed his friend away but the same electric surge he experienced in the warehouse took over his senses. In the back of his mind he remembered what Tellico told him and the unknown feeling bloomed onto something else. His memory just flashed moments they shared together. Pure happiness. So many smiles and laughs. Discussions in the back of the car, under the stars. The scent of flowers and the voice of his little sunshine. This light into his inner darkness. So many good feelings… His mind didn't quite accept the word love but his whole being did.
Geralt never felt better in his life but when he was with Jaskier, but now he desired more. The pull, the attraction, was kinda irresistible. He kissed back, almost pulling himself out of the dark skin prostitute to get him whole. And this became rapidly a mess. He was responding to that woman's actions just because in his mind he was not with her but with him. But, totally lost in an ocean of pleasure, like in never experienced before, he didn't care. His witcher senses literally overloaded. And with this, he reached the first real little death of his life.
He fell back on the mattress, enjoying the last drop of this new sensation, shivering as the echoes of pleasure were hitting on his body. Jaskier fell with him.
Breathing hard, he slowly regained some control and awareness. His friend was on the top of him in a weird position. They didn't joined but he was in the same state he was. He was shaking and sweating, slowly resuming kissing him in the neck, ready to get him to another step. He could feel his heart beating strong in his own chest. The prostitute was over both of them, clutching his friend's side and continued to kiss both of them while they were recovering. And the third was on the side looking at the other groups, visibly confused. Geralt turned his head and, behind the curtains, he clearly saw two Jaskier making love with each with passion, oblivious to what just happened. The other prostitutes had migrated to Dainty.
For him this was a hard return to reality. He pushed the third Jaksier out of him. The lady gasped and slid to the side. In front of them, this Jaskier shifted into Vespula who was now looking back at him strangely. Geralt had the reflex to axii both prostitutes before their foggy mind realized clearly what just happened. He laid the woman down next to him properly on the mattress and after a guilty look from the Doppler, they took care of the second one, guiding her toward Dainty and his many pleasures.
- "I am sorry… I don't know what happened…" Whispered Chapelle as Vespula, before rushing out of the room.
Watching him run away, this was kinda weird to know that this Doppler was emulating one of the most feared man of faith to the North of Novigrad. This was a strange creature dancing with the personalities of their double.
Looking back at Jaskier so into himself made Geralt very uncomfortable. One of them was obviously Tellico but still... The alcohol and his quick axiis were what was saving this mess. He hoped that the Doppler would eventually turn back into a gnome before the others prostitues noticed what was going on.
Somehow there was a positive side of this : he never made love with his friend and technically this was with the prostitute he had sex with, but his mind went on a totally different direction. Yet this couldn't be true. Witchers don't love. What was that ?
He was disturbed. He felt sick. He could feel Jaskier aroused state right now and this was making everything worse for him. So he got up and quitted the mess of flesh and pleasure forming around Dainty who was now the epicentre of attention. He needed fresh air. He went on the balcony.
That was a closed space with plants and colourful fabrics. This was just an extension of the room outside, separated from the inside and the outside by screens.
He was still naked and the cold air of the night on his sweaty skin finished to get him fully back on himself. Several minutes later, he heard the door open. Jaskier came out and leaned near him. Geralt looked at him. His friend was naked too and for a brief moment he found himself attracted. But this was like an echo of the whole experience before. Nothing more. He hated himself for feeling that way, even that little.
- "Are you a Doppler or the real one ?" He asked dryly.
- "The real one." Jaskier answered softly. "Are you ok ?"
- "Yeah. Almost."
- "Seeing that Chapelle and you weren't there anymore, I worried. Where is Chapelle ? What happened ?"
- "It morphed into you while I was making love with a lady and I didn't notice until it was too late… He seemed quite confused too and went away."
Jaskier frowned.
- "The Dopplers are reacting instinctively if I understood your explanations correctly. They didn't know that we never do those kinds of things together."
- "Well technically they should. But they trespassed a forbidden line there."
- "Maybe this was not that clear a limit ?"
This triggered Geralt more than anything.
- "What do you mean ? They were reading our deep desires then ? I don't have those Jaskier. My limits are very clear." The young man looked away. "Oh so that was your fantasy then. Your sick mind playing games ? You are deranged." Jaskier flinched.
- "I don't know. I was having sex with myself so yeah maybe I had sick fantasies in mind. But don't push everything on me. We were on an orgy, Geralt. This could be anyone."
- "Really ? And from whom I am the muse ?"
- "This is not the same..." He seemed pained now.
- "You love me. How could this be different ?"
Jaskier sighed. This was testing some patience limits from him too.
- "Listen. I always have respected your boundaries, didn't I ?" Geralt didn't answer. "In five years, I flirted with you just at the beginning. You told me you weren't interested and I was good with it. I told you I loved you and I wouldn't try anything. Did I try something ?" No answer again. "We went to brothels before, if I was that sick in my head I would have tried already. Yes, I love you Geralt, I won't deny it but that fantasy, belonging to my brain or not, is just that. A fantasy. The problem was that the Doppler materialized it. This is not their fault either. This is an accident."
- "You really don't know if it was you or not ?"
- "Well, in the state I was in I don't remember much except pleasure, you know." Jaskier smiled shyly this time. Geralt calmed down a bit.
- "Yeah I understand that for the first time."
- "Ohh so you did…" The young man leaned forward, searching for his look with a little smile.
Geralt didn't like that and responded accordingly.
- "Yeah I did. This was nice but I don't want this, especially with you." He said dryly. "This is twisted and sick. That's the last time we do this together, you hear me ?" Jaskier nodded, serious again. "And we will never talk about this. Is that clear ?" The young man nodded again but he could tell this was a polite way to not hurt him. "I am out. I will sleep in the car. Have fun tonight if you want but try to keep everyone's fantasies away. I had to axii two of the prostitutes to prevent them from freaking out. Remember. The Eternal Flame is a deadly cult for heresies here. Don't be one. Fantasy or not, this deviant thing could cost you your life and the one of your new morphing friends."
Even if there was suddenly a clear hurt in his eyes and he was losing an internal battle, Jaskier didn't try to stop him. Geralt moved back into the room, the others were still in a group and Tellico was back to his former shape now. He went directly to the showers and tried to wash away the whole experience. It didn't work, obviously. So he dressed rapidly and left the brothel.
He walked all the way down to the park near where he left his car this morning. Novigrad was seemingly tranquil at night - if we didn't pay attention to the shadows and the whispers - and the Eternal Fire in the many altars in the street were giving the whole city a new aspect. He didn't like it. This was angry, aggressive, even menacing somehow. He got to his car but didn't want to get in. He didn't fear for his life. Noone sane would try to get to a witcher. Even those who whispered in the dark. He jumped on the platform. For a moment he tried to look at the stars, but the lights of the city were too bright.
He removed his cowboy hat and put it on his face. His mind didn't calm down, much to his chagrin. He was questioning himself on his feelings. Was it love ? Maybe. But he couldn't integrate that information yet. He didn't want it to be Jaskier… His friendship with the young man was more important. He needed this to never change. The boundaries had been clearly stated for years. This had to continue that way.
This first experience in real sexual attraction had been weird. He was not made to feel those things, to lose control. He couldn't be like Jaskier, even for a little. Falling in love, on the top of that, would change him too much. The easy conclusion imposed itself on his mind. No stimulus. No emotions. No changes. No more sex in the company of his friend would do the trick. Friendship was good. Love was bad. He was almost convincing himself of that, ignoring the real question hidden - why did he want to keep that friendship alive ?
It was said that witchers had no emotion. Of course this was a false statement but they had special setups of the mind they achieved through meditation and a lot of work to become killing machines when need be. Their mutant body was stronger and more resistant but their mental state was the real trick so they could still fight with heavy damages, fatal wounds or confronted to horrors and loss. There was a part they learnt but you had to have predispositions to have a chance to get through the process of becoming a witcher.
Autopersuation was something he was good at. Being abandoned so young had awakened in him that skill. The young him wasn't supposed to be that strong and insensitive from the start, but the trauma made him naturally block things out of his mind, including fear and pain. From his generation he was the first to have mastered the emotionless state. He was the only one after the trial of the herbs to not have cried when he discovered that twenty of his friends had died and saw their lifeless failed mutated bodies. And yet he could feel. He could connect with others strongly. Loosing one of his brothers now would affect him but he would be able to ditch the pain away and forget in last ressort. This was what he was doing now.
He was initiating the erasure. That experience was a mistake that would ultimately be a vague emotionless souvenir. Now this was just a growing gray area. The only problem was that with Jaskier everything was a bit different from all he knew and that affected him somehow more than it should.
But his little mantra worked this time. Soon he found the peace of mind he seeked and he let the fatigue of the day and the weeks before win over him.
His recurring dream came again. But for the first time of his life he didn't wake from it. The mysterious woman had the face of that Yennefer he saw on the picture. She was smiling. She smelt good. Somehow that felt right.
###
Jaskier knocked on the bodywork of the pickup. Geralt was half awake already. His witcher senses were on alert, as he was sleeping outside and he recognised the pace of his friend. He lifted his hat and looked at the young man. He seemed prudent, as if what happened during the night had changed something between them. For his part, his head was clear. He knew what to do and what not to do.
- "You had fun ?" He asked with the raspy voice of the morning.
- "Yeah, kinda... Everyone calmed down a notch after you quitted."
- "You didn't enjoy it, then ?"
- "This is not what I mean. But I cannot enjoy much when I know you don't feel well. And I tried to keep an eye on Tellico, as you told me. So it wasn't the same. Then the party went short."
- "Where did you go then ?"
- "I slept in the park."
- "That was not a good idea."
- "That's not the first time I sleep outside."
- "Novigrad at night is a death trap…"
- "Well, I have seen worse. Try Oxenfurt."
- "Touché."
- "Also, I have not much money left to spare for a hotel room and I thought you wouldn't want me near you… So the park seemed good."
- "Hmmm I see…"
There was a long and awkward silence.
- "You feel ok ?" Jaskier seemed genuinely worried for him.
- "Yeah. I slept astonishingly well." He replied.
And it was the truth. He was almost feeling at peace, right now. Geralt made a sign to invite him to join him. Jaskier jumped on the platform and sat next to him. The witcher sat up in turn.
- "There is still a we, right ?" Jaskier was very nervous.
- "Of course there is still a we. The boundaries are clear." Jaskier nodded. "Let's move on from this. What happened in the Passiflora stays in the Passiflora. I just want to forget this mess and quit this place forever."
He gave him his hand but Jaskier didn't take it right away.
- "I know you don't want to talk about yesterday, and you are clearly demanding a promise there, but there is a little something I want to tell you first."
- "What is it ?"
- "You hurt me badly, saying that I was deranged… sick mind… suggesting I was deviant."
- "I was angry and very not at ease. I am sorry I snapped at you. Don't take this to heart."
- "Thanks, but understand something. I know I have peculiar sexual needs or pleasures, even for a common human being. I know I jump from one bed to another, cheat on many in the process. I am a little shit. But I have always respected the needs and wishes of my partners. They know what they get with me. But even if I have a strong pull toward people, I never trespassed. My needs, my longings and desires are respectful of others, even for the shortest stories. You can attest. Have I been mean to you because you don't feel things like most ?"
- "No." This little speech was making him nervous.
- "You are a special being, Geralt. Very different that all the people I know. I am different too but like the opposite of you in certain ways. And what you said, I felt it like a personal attack. I didn't say a thing yesterday because you clearly were not receptive to hear my defense. And the clash wouldn't have helped. My situation is complicated but... deranged, sick in the head, abnormal, fucked up, were things I heard all my life as Julian. Those who hurt me, justified a part of my punishments because I was a deviant monster."
- "What ?"
- "But what they called this many names to describe my behavior was mostly love. Love is all I ever wished and never got." The young man's gray eyes were slowly filling with tears. "I am not deranged nor sick, Geralt. I just need love, like a basic need of my existence and this takes this form now because I am a fucked up child. I am just living the life I have been denied, in many ways. You may lack those feelings on a daily basis, or experience them differently, but in my case, I simply have too much to give. And I can give now. Experience it all... I wanna know and feel everything that is possible, because I can and I need. So please, never tell me this again. Don't tell me that loving people is bad."
Geralt looked at him and felt his sadness. The wound was profound and in a way so similar to his own. Where he was blocking everything, Jaskier was simply searching to have the most of it and living in the moment not to think about what hurt him. Both solutions were twisted and faulty but valid copying mechanisms to their traumas. Without any help, they did what they could to survive.
Geralt looked at his human friend fondly. Opposites but complementary. The monster and the poet were a strange chiaroscuro, nobody could interpert. A beautiful and unique oxymoron...
He might never know what happened to Julian in the end, but Jaskier was making an effort to get to him, after he accidentally reopened his moral wounds yesterday. And for him that was a lot. He could see the despair in his eyes. If everything had to end this was now. But Geralt couldn't let it go either.
He could almost hear Vesemir warn him again. Don't get attached. You've made a pet of him. But he needed his sunshine has much as Jaskier needed his muse. And right now, even with that fucked up experience, they couldn't be appart.
Geralt launched at his friend and hugged him strongly. He could feel his friend's hand gripping his shirt in an almost desperate move. His heart was beating hard and fast. He could feel it in his own chest. His own heartbeat was slow and steady but he was feeling the same.
- "I promise Jaskier." He whispered in his neck.
- "Thank you, buddy." Came the muffled response.
He smelled his friend's scent, feeling happy that the sunshine was slowly rising again. He had no weird attraction, no weird feeling. Just their strange bond he couldn't get rid of. Geralt was just content to be back to the basics. But there was something growing in the back of his head. The idea that they were piling unsaid truths. Jaskier had just lifted a corner of the dark veil hiding his past but he was keeping everything out of reach.
Himself was hiding a lot of things and asked to forget what was making him uncomfortable now without much of an explanation either. They both tried to ignore too many things from the past and now from their present. This could blast back at their face. But it felt better to ignore it for now. Yeah that felt much better. They separated.
- "Let's find a real monster to hunt." He said. Yeah, a hunt would make them both happy.
- "With pleasure, buddy."
The young man dried his eyes and smiled at him genuinely. He loved the road. He loved the freedom. And he was ready to go anywhere. His growing happiness was contagious. Geralt smiled in turn. They jumped out of the platform and get in the car.
Geralt drove them away from Novigrad. He took the direction of the North. The land emptied soon. They got through the dying bogs and took the less adapted roads to the most reclused villages. He was leading them to still untouched territories where monsters could still live and be a menace to the locals.
At his side, Jaskier had opened the window and eyes closed he was smiling, facing the artificial air flow coming in by the speed. Geralt noticed a discreet rivulet of tears on his cheeks but he wasn't sad. On the back of his mind was fading the words of Tellico :
"You are both deeply tortured children. So much pain from your past in both of you. That's why you are so well together. You need each other to heal. But you are both doing things so wrong…"
How could this be wrong ? This was them.
Spoiler : this was not a Jaskier's fantasy that triggered the Doppler morphing. Well the title of the chapter is explicit enough :D.
I don't have the next story ready so, I don't know when I am gonna post what follows yet.