Life is made of moments, and perhaps this is a universal truth that we all need to accept. Whether we like it or not, whether we want it or not, everything comes to an end eventually. And even those moments we've been waiting for all our lives, they too shall pass. You see, endings are inevitable. The leaves fall, you close the book, you say goodbye. We move on, even if it causes pain, even if it tears us apart and we think we'll never get over it. But we do, because that's part of growing up, learning to stand firm even in the face of life's adversities. And growing up, after all, hurts. And if someone says otherwise, they're lying.
But if everything comes to an end, why do we still bother trying? Experimenting? Existing? It's simple, because we need to feel alive. The human nature seeks the sensation of a fast-beating heart and blood rushing through our veins. That brief moment when time seems to stand still and we hold our breath. We keep on living because while moments happen, they are worth experiencing. Life, despite being ephemeral, is also an endless source of opportunities, beauty, and meaning.
However, even understanding all this, we are never truly ready when moments come to an end. How to deal with the feeling of absence? With pain? With loss? Sometimes, all we can do is allow ourselves to feel. And heavens, how that can be the most traumatizing experience of our lives. And believe me, Tony understood this very well. Because now he was right there, sitting on his bed on yet another cold and dark night, staring at the black suit hanging over the armchair, reflecting almost obtusely against the light. His feet in contact with the floor, tapping frantically, was an attempt to stay connected to reality. Every fiber of his being succumbs to the morbidity of feeling.
Morbid. A short word echoing in his mind, a term that now seemed so fitting to describe his own emotional condition. An adjective denoting a tendency towards morbidity, towards the lugubrious, towards the somber. It was as if sadness became a permanent shadow, looming over him at all times. The derivative of this sensation, morbidity, seeped into his everyday life, making every action a struggle against inner despair. And despite trying to find some light at the end of the tunnel, Tony found himself sinking deeper into melancholy, lost in a labyrinth of emotions that seemed to have no way out.
"It's your fault!", Sasha shouted at him, her eyes red and stained with tears, filled with hatred and resentment. "You killed her and you know it! You killed her and still had the courage to come to the funeral", she ranted indignantly. The raven-haired man even thought about defending himself, maybe denying it, but how could he? Because she was right, after all. He just had to close his eyes to relive every agonizing second. Once again, he found himself in that dark and distorted warehouse, where every shadow seemed to hide some indescribable terror. The air was heavy and suffocating, as if the very space were trying to swallow him.
In the center of the macabre room, Tony saw Pepper fighting for her life. She was connected to various wires and tubes, being tortured. Her body was weak and contorted with pain, while machines around emitted frightening noises. The man could feel the guilt weighing on his shoulders, an unbearable burden that kept him in place. Desperate to help, the raven-haired man ran towards his beloved, but with every step he took, it felt like he was sinking into a swamp because the end was clear. He screamed for help, but his words were muffled by the sound of his own sobs of anguish.
As Tony approached, he saw Pepper's eyes fixed on him, filled with so much fear and accusation. She reached out her hand, pleading for help, but he felt powerless, unable to save her. He had disregarded the gravity of the situation, had not taken seriously the threats that had filled his life in recent weeks. It took too long for him to notice her disappearance and even longer to find her. He couldn't save her because he didn't even try to protect her.
And then, in a terrible and anguishing moment, the redhead died before his eyes, right in his arms, her life slowly slipping away as her lungs exhaled the last breath. Tony's cry of despair echoed through the darkness, mixing with the sound of howls of pain and despair that filled the environment around him. He loved her, more than anything, she was the one he couldn't live without, and now, she was no longer there.
"I'm so sorry.", was all the man could manage to say. And he truly meant it.
"That's not enough, that won't bring her back.", Sasha replied. And knowing that it was the purest truth, that he had to deal with a world where Virginia Potts no longer existed, was too cruel.
"I..."
"You should have let her go when Norman Osborn showed up and kidnapped her.", the woman interrupted him. "You should have been a man and let her go. You should have done something! You could have done something, you could have kept her alive!", she spat the words at him. "All this for what? For ego? Because you wanted her by your side no matter what?"
Tony wanted to scream, to say that he was already feeling guilty enough to hear those things. That if he could, he would change the past. That he would have given his own life in exchange for Pepper's. He wanted to ask her to stop, but he had killed the woman's daughter in front of him. She had every right to say whatever she wanted. He deserved to hear every word spoken, no matter how agonizing it was. And once again, the man realized that he ignored all the signs that their relationship was too dangerous for her.
It had only been a few short months since the Stark Expo, since Tony and Pepper had started their relationship and Norman Osborn appeared in their lives like a sinister shadow. Iron Man's alter ego barely knew who he was at the time, only considered him a powerful tycoon in the business world, but soon found out that Norman was much more than that.
Osborn learned about the couple's secret romance and didn't hesitate to use it against Tony. He kidnapped Pepper as she was heading to the company on a normal Wednesday morning, forcing the raven-haired man to give up the secrets of his most precious creations. The man found himself cornered, but the worst was yet to come. Norman began to torture the redhead, sending videos of her suffering for Tony to watch. Every image, every scream of pain, cut him like a sharp knife. He felt powerless, unable to protect the woman he loved.
But of course, he couldn't give up, and he would be crazy if he did. Although always one step behind Osborn, the raven-haiman knew he had to find a way to save Pepper. With Jarvis' help and his unwavering determination, he finally managed to locate the hideout where his girlfriend was being held. It was a race against time, every second seemed to last an eternity. However, by some miracle, Tony arrived in time to rescue Pepper before it was too late.
"Why didn't you let her go? Why?", Sasha, by that point too drained to shout, murmured as she was supported by Kate, one of her daughter's best friends. "Were all the dangers you put her through after that not bad omens enough for you? Was it really worth it?"
And Iron Man's alter ego had the answer on the tip of his tongue. No. It wasn't worth it because it was much better to be around the redhead when she was just his assistant, even if he harbored feelings for her, than to not have her around anymore. It was better when she turned down his advances than now, when she was no longer there to wake him up in the middle of the night asking him to take her to paradise once again. It was better when he only heard her screams and complaints about another missed commitment from Stark Industries than never being able to hear her voice again... So yes, he didn't need to think to know that it hadn't been worth it. No matter how much he loved her, no matter how addicted he was to her scent and kisses, to her hands roaming his body as they got lost in the bed sheets, nothing, ever, would make a life without Virginia Potts worth it. The world didn't deserve to witness a tragedy of that magnitude.
"You should have died. Not her!", Sasha said one last time before leaving him alone in front of the coffin where an unrecognizable Pepper, cold and lifeless, lay.
Tony approached cautiously, the oxygen unable to circulate through his lungs, tears burning down his cheeks as a huge knot formed in his throat. It was her, the love of his life, lying there dead, without any chance of a new day. As he touched her, he immediately recoiled, frightened by the coldness of her skin, so different from her characteristic warmth. The crying intensified, evolving into a feeling of despair, anger, fear, and incomprehension. Anxiety took over his body immediately, causing him to lose all control of his movements, his senses fading, darkness swallowing him.
Then, in a startle, he sat on the bed, his heart beating as fast as it had moments before, in his nightmare. A nightmare, in the end, that's all it had been. But it was just one among the many others that had recurred over those months and the countless ones over the weeks that had passed. He was plunging into a deep abyss that he didn't know how to get out of, and no one around him knew how to help. Shortly after, when new threats arose and Pepper was indeed put in the spotlight, only to hit him and make him surrender, how could he not believe that his torments were premonitions? How much was it worth not to retreat? Should he risk it?
Tony Stark loved Virginia Potts. That was a fact, undeniable and irrefutable. It was like the greatest certainty in the world, something that transcended all doubts and uncertainties of life. From the moment he met her, Tony knew that Pepper was special, much more than just a talented and dedicated assistant. She was his confidante, his partner, his anchor in the midst of storms. But was that enough? Was it worth risking her life for all that love?
Once, he was told that true love wasn't just about joy and happiness, but also about sacrifice and courage. And for the first time, he understood those words in their complexity.