After I'd stood there, in Adam's hug, for several minutes, I stopped crying, and was merely sniffling. Adam set me back from him a bit, and reached
into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief.
He began to pat at my face with it, gently. "It's clean," he said, as he did that.
"It's so humiliating," I said, looking up into his face as he patted mine.
Adam didn't answer that. He just finished drying my face, and then handed me the handkerchief. "Blow you nose," he told me.
I blew my nose, and then we stood there for a couple of moments. I watched him, feeling a little awkward now. I'd felt so much better
while he was hugging me.
"I can't face it," I said.
"Can't face what?"
"Going to school the whole day-all the kids knowing that I got kicked out-" I began.
I saw his face tighten a bit. "That shouldn't be your first concern, Harlie."
"I know it shouldn't be," I said. "But-I can't help it." I sounded like a whiny baby and I knew it. I also knew that Adam, kind as he was, would
only have tolerance for a short time with me whining.
"Well, it's something that you're going to have to face," Adam said.
I knew that, already.
"Can you just hug me again?" I asked, sort of plaintively.
"How come?"
"Because I feel better when you do that. And-we don't have to talk about it during a hug."
"Harlie." He said my name in a tone that suggested he was close to that tolerance level that I was thinking about. He pulled me closer again,
and gave me another hug.
"You don't have to beg me for a hug. Not ever," he said, resting his chin on the top of my head. "That doesn't mean I don't have to
talk to you about all of this, though. You have to face it, and move on."
"I don't know how," I said, and felt all weepy again, my face buried in his chest.
"Alright, Harlie," Adam said, obviously done with any pep talk for the time being, and rubbing my back. "Let's go in and get washed up. Hannah said we were going to eat earlier tonight."
"I don't feel like eating."
"Well, you know the answer to that," Adam said, and gave me a final pat on the back. "Come on."
We started walking towards the house together.
"I don't want the whole family talking to me about everything," I groused.
"Nobody's going to bombard you," he said.
I doubted that he was right about that but I didn't say so.
Once inside the house, I headed for the stairs.
"Wash up and come back down," Adam told me. I knew he was wise to the fact that I wanted to go to my room and brood and sulk. And possibly
cry.
I said only, "Uh huh," in reply, and trudged up the stairs.
I went into my bedroom and closed the door firmly behind me. I flopped down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. There was a patched area
from a leak a few years ago, so I stared at that mostly. It seemed like hardly any time at all that there was a knock on my door. When I didn't answer,
there was a second one. "Harlie? You awake?"
I thought about not answering, and letting him think I was really asleep. Maybe he'd go away and leave me alone. No. He wouldn't.
I said yes, and the door opened and Adam stepped in, only half-way.
"Supper's on," he told me.
"I'm not hungry."
Instead of answering that, Adam stepped in further, and gestured with his right hand, in a motion to get me up and going.
I sat up, swinging my legs off the side of my bed. "I feel like I'll puke if I eat," I said.
Adam has no doubt heard it all, about not wanting to do something, with the number of kids that he's raised. So, he didn't blink an eye
at my grand statement.
"I think you can manage something," he said. "We don't want your blood sugar crashing." He motioned again. "Come on."
I sighed, and stood up, and Adam and I went down the stairs together. At the doorway from the living room to the kitchen, Adam put a hand
on my back, and said, very low, "Everybody in that room loves you. Nobody's going to try to make you feel any worse than you do already."
Everybody was already sitting down at their chairs, except for Brian, who was pouring ice tea into glasses at the table.
I sort of skulked in, and went to sit in my chair. Hannah greeted me with a smile, and food began being passed around the table.
"Hey," Guthrie said, giving me a nudge in my side. "You missed the excitement. There was a fight after fifth hour in the parking lot."
I didn't really care, but I roused myself to say, "Really?"
"Yeah. It was Joe Stoker, and that new kid-the one in 10th-what's his name?"
"I think his name is Dean," I said.
"Yeah, Dean, that's it. They were goin' at it real good until Coach pulled them apart," Guthrie said.
"What was the fight about?" Hannah asked.
Guthrie sort of smirked. "A girl."
"Of course. What else?" Brian said, and Clare said, "Hey!" to him in a reproving tone.
"As old as time itself," Adam added, and Hannah looked down the table at him, sort of smiling.
"I think Dean's fixin' to go thru the entire female population of the whole high school," Guthrie went on, reaching for a piece of bread.
"Where's he from?" Crane asked Guthrie.
The conversation for the next few minutes focused on Dean and the fight.
"They need to wait till they're away from school for that nonsense," Adam said.
Guthrie started asking Adam and Brian then if they'd ever been in a fight at school. I listened with half an ear. Ordinarily I would have
liked to hear Brian talk about his high school escapades, but my mind was full of my own stuff.
I was glad I wasn't on dishwashing duty. I did check the list on the refrigerator to make sure of it, and then I went to do my
diabetes shot. I had no intention of coming back down the rest of the evening.
Hannah paused beside me, her hands full of plates. "It's early, isn't it?" she asked me, quietly.
I shrugged. "I'm going to bed early."
"That's probably good," Hannah said, and I could tell by her tone and the expression on her face that she was concerned and wanting
to show me that.
"What about homework?" Adam asked me, helping to clear the table and bring the dishes over to the sink.
"I didn't bring it," I said, finishing my shot, and beginning to put my supplies away.
"Didn't bring it," Adam repeated, sounding a little puzzled.
I could feel Crane watching. And listening. But he didn't say anything, or tell Adam that he'd already been thru all this with me.
"Why didn't you?" Adam asked me, then, pausing beside where I was standing.
There was only Hannah and Crane and Adam and I left in the kitchen now.
"I left in a hurry," I said. I looked up and they were all three watching me.
"That's not going to help things," Adam said, simiilar to what Crane had said to me earlier. "It's only going to get you further behind."
"I know," I said. I did not care at that moment about any homework, past or present. I guess I sounded that way, too, because
Adam said, sounding stern, "You bring everything you need to home tomorrow. Hear me?"
Ah. Where was the sweet, gentle brother who had comforted me earlier when I'd gotten home?
"I hear," I said, and started towards the back stairs, and to my escape.
"I'll run in with Guthrie or Brian to get Harlie's truck," I heard Crane saying.
I heard Adam answering, but I didn't hear what he said.
I took a hot shower, and put on my most comfortable pair of pajamas. I didn't bother with brushing my teeth. The shower had felt good. At
this point, I was only interested in things that made me feel instantly better. Brushing my teeth didn't fall into that category.
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