He was gone.
Jay, her partner, her husband, her rock. He was gone. To Bolivia, of all places. It wasn't like he was off in another District in Chicago or even another city in the state.
Bolivia. Southern hemisphere. What time zone is Bolivia? wondered Hailey. She sat in her car in the parking deck at O'Hare and tried, rather unsuccessfully, to process how her well-ordered life had been upended in a few short hours.
This didn't even begin to compare to the weeks Hailey was loaned to the FBI in New York. They may have been almost 800 miles apart, yet she and Jay managed to stay in touch. Phone calls and texts zinged back and forth multiple times a day. First thing in the morning before fully waking up and last thing at night before crawling into bed.
They weren't married then. In fact, they were still trying to figure out exactly what they meant to each other. But things were different now. Hailey glanced at the black band on her left hand. Much different.
Now for eight long months she would have to drive herself to work. She hated Chicago traffic; who didn't? But with Jay behind the wheel, she could close her eyes and zone out for a little bit before entering the District or rolling up on a crime scene.
For eight long months she would be partnered with someone else, probably the new kid, Torres. She liked him. She could see the potential in him, the eagerness to do well, the eagerness to please Voight. She wondered if Jay was like that when he joined Intelligence. She would bet money he was. She hoped Torres would not become jaded and confused like Jay.
No doubt, she would take over the bulk of his training in Jay's absence. She could handle that. She was a professional. The rest of the team would look to her for guidance and leadership. Voight, too. He had already mentioned wanting to run some things by her in the morning. She would adjust her attitude, grit her teeth and get through it.
For eight long months she would go to sleep alone. That would be the absolute worst part of this whole unbelievable mess. No Jay to wrap his arms around her and pull her securely against his chest. No Jay to let her talk out her fears and concerns about cases. No Jay to whisper that they would get through it together.
Thank goodness Voight told her to go home after dropping Jay at the airport. She was in no frame of mind to concentrate on a case. She did not want to see the bewildered looks on the team's faces. It was a shock not just for her, but for everyone who knew and worked with Jay.
She did not want to hear their sympathetic murmurs. They meant well, of course. But they couldn't really understand the level of her anguish. But she knew they would be there for her in the coming weeks and months.
She stared unseeing through the windshield. She did not see the harried businessmen clutching briefcases as they hustled toward the check-in counter. She did not see the parents herding excited kids in to pick up grandma and grandpa.
In her mind, she only saw Jay, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder, walking away from her. From them. She wanted to scream or punch something. But she did neither. She sat in stunned agony as the tears began to roll down her cheeks. She made no effort to brush them away as her hands continued to grip the steering wheel.
Why, Jay? Why did you have to go now? We're just starting our life together. We could have figured out something. What about everything we've already been through? What's one more secret?
The questions, the worries, the doubts. There was no end to them. Jay, I'll always have your back. Come back to me.
Only when the sky began to darken and streetlights come on did Hailey snap out of her morbid thoughts. Glancing at her watch, she realized she'd been sitting there almost 90 minutes. Finally, she wiped the back of her hand across her cheeks and started the engine.
Hailey dropped her keys and the mail on the kitchen island. She looked around the empty apartment. How am I going to do this for what, 240 days, more or less? She sighed heavily. I'm not hungry so I should just go to bed.
When she turned on the bedroom light, the first thing she saw was Jay's tee shirt thrown across the foot of the bed. That was very uncharacteristic of her neatnik husband.
Did he forget to throw it in the hamper? She picked it up and held it to her nose. Maybe he left it for me.
She undressed quickly and pulled the shirt over her head. She turned off the light, climbed into bed and hugged Jay's pillow. Thank you for this, Jay.