a/n: Thank you for being so patient with me!
There were infinitesimal options of where the conversation could go, and for a moment he saw Tsukuyo taken back. Surprised was a more accurate name for it, but at this point in time, it was far better than that look of despair that she had given him a few nights ago.
"I want to address your feelings properly," he began. "I haven't... gotten a chance, to do it right."
"It's fine," Tsukuyo replied, although her eyes were still bewildered. "It wasn't the answer I wanted, but - "
"No. I need to explain myself... more." Somehow Gintoki was finding it immensely complicated to communicate something so simple. It was his fault in the first place. He had long cultivated the habit of obscuring the truth so often that now he was finding himself at a loss when needing to speak truthfully and honestly.
Tsukuyo paused, and then tucked her kiseru in her sleeve, her eyebrows furrowed together. "Gintoki, this probably ain't the right time or place for it."
His stomach clenched, uncomfortable with her tone of voice. "I still have to do it, or I'll feel guilty about it. It's not right for a man to ignore his intuition."
"The daimyo is a busy man," the courtesan said firmly, and her back straightened. It was a look he was familiar with, when she was pushed around one too many times. "He took time out of his schedule to take me here, and so did I. We'll have ta talk after the performance, Gintoki."
"Fine. Where should we meet, then?"
A part of him was telling him that it was Game Over, but another part of him was pushing through that instinct for him to run and hide. Either way, he felt as if he standing in someone's shadows. It was a deeply uncomfortable feeling.
"The room we met last time should be empty," Tsukuyo said, rather cautiously. "I s'pose I could ask the owner if I could stay there for a bit."
He nodded, fist clenched in his pockets. He didn't like the way things were progressing; if he had his way, he would have dragged her out of the building. But the situation was beyond his control. The ball was clearly in her court, even if she wasn't aware of it.
"Right, I'll have to go back now," she said curtly. There was a seemingly empty expression in her eyes, as if she was purposefully hiding her feelings. "I'll see you soon, Gintoki."
He stood in his spot as she turned away from him, not daring to move until she disappeared behind closed doors, and then after that, he walked - as fast he could, to escape his feelings. Most of them involved his wish to throw himself into a river, to forget he'd ever been the cause of her distress.
-x-
It took him an hour or so to arrive at the tea house, of which the owner had recognized his face at the receptionist's desk. She stood up to greet him.
"Savior of Yoshiwara, welcome. Did Tsukuyo-sama make a reservation here tonight? I don't think she's here yet, but if you're already present, I'll send you up ahead of her - "
"No, I can wait here." The title made him deeply uncomfortable, knowing that his reputation preceded him. If they had known what he'd said to her a while ago, they'd kick him out. And they'd have every right to. Self-loathing filled every part of him.
"I insist on it; Tsukuyo-sama would find it rude on my behalf if she knew you were waiting here. Would you like a drink to be sent up to your room, sir?"
Unfortunately, his pressing need for an alcoholic beverage had bypassed his desire to be polite. "Yes."
"Right this way, danna," she said, making him feel more like a seedy client going to a brothel to meet a prostitute than... whatever he was planning to do.
What was he planning to do? He never had plans. He never planned for the future, but the thought of not knowing what came next loomed dark upon him.
He followed her up five flights of stairs - there were no lifts here, as the building was far more traditional than most. By the time he'd gotten to the top, he was feeling slightly dizzy, but the room was the same as the one he'd been in a few nights ago.
A lacquered tray had already been sitting between two cushions; the facilities were clearly well-accustomed to the needs of their customers.
"Enjoy your stay, sir," the hostess said, giving Gintoki a short bow before leaving him alone with his thoughts.
Idly, he wondered if Tsukuyo would forget about their aforementioned plans. Sure, maybe she thought the play was boring... but what if the guy had other plans for the night?
That thought caused him to pour himself a drink.
One bottle of sake later, the door slid open again, and he was mildly shocked to see Tsukuyo standing in the door. Her hands held a silken drawstring pouch that matched her kimono, and she slipped off her shoes at the entrance before entering. She hadn't changed out of her formal clothes, he noticed.
"My apologies for bein' late," Tsukuyo murmured. "Thankfully, Fujiwara-san's driver was able to drop me off at Yoshiwara's entrance, so I hope ya didn't wait too long."
"No, not at all; I walked here by foot," he said, standing up to greet her. "I'd offer you a drink, but I didn't think you'd want one."
She chuckled wryly, right before heading to the cushion and folding half lotus into it, tucking her feet under her robes. He followed suit, mirroring her movements.
"Do you have work tonight?" he asked. "I wouldn't want to impose... "
"No, I took tonight off - my subordinates were thrilled, if ya can believe it... " Her lips quirked up. "Of course, had I known that'd I be goin' on two dates in one night, they might've said I deserved a whole week off," she teased him, making Gintoki flush.
"Tayuu, I - "
Tsukuyo shook her head lightly, making her gold earrings sparkle from side to side. "Gintoki, I know what yer thinkin' to do. You're here to console me, aren't you? It ain't necessary for ya to do so, but if it'll make ya feel better... "
"No, no, you're misunderstanding me." Now Gintoki bit his lip, not knowing where to start. His head was already a convoluted mess, and the alcohol wasn't helping.
Now she looked confused. "Hm? Then what are we really here for?"
"I needed to explain more, like you said. You... caught me off guard, and I needed time to figure out... to figure out what to say. I didn't think you'd ever... well."
"Mm. You never noticed before then?"
To say that he had never noticed her feelings would have been a lie. "It was more like... I didn't want to notice."
Now her eyes turned sad. "Why?"
"I didn't want to complicate things because - " Something got stuck in his throat. There was a silence as he swallowed, and then he cleared his throat. "I have a history of fucking up things. And you're... you're like me, but you... you turned out different."
"Gintoki, I - "
"No, let me finish. I remember the time after you were hanging from a web. I'd been knocked out for a few days but you'd probably been suffering for all of them, alive, and with you being conscious on top of it. And after Jiraia died, you returned to work like nothing horrible had happened to you."
"Gintoki... "
"If I had been in your shoes, I would have spent the next three years drinking aimlessly, pissing my life away - burning bridges, leaving everything behind, trying to forget what I'd been through. I've already done that once, long before I met you. That's why I couldn't understand it. I thought you were so strong and that I couldn't compare at all to you, much less to be by your side."
His fist curled.
"Everyone thinks I'm a savior here, when I've done nothing of the sort. I'm just a normal man, trying to atone for my sins, and if you... if you look at me like that, I can't help but to want to run away. I can't live up to your expectations. I don't want... I don't want you to see that part of me."
Tsukuyo placed a hand over his, and he - in the midst of his alcohol-laced ramblings - let it rest.
"Gintoki, Yoshiwara ain't a place to give anyone expectations. 'Specially when I've seen the worst of what men can do to us women, rich or poor."
"But I'm far from being a good man. I'm more heinous than the very men you throw in prison. I've taken away so many lives - "
"Which is the reason why ya defeated Hosen, ain't it?" she asked him, her voice soft and gentle. "Everyone's - criminals an' saints alike - are capable of redemption. You asked for nothin' from us women of Yoshiwara, even to this day. Maybe some other hero would have asked for a harem, or to hurt an' subjugate others, but... that ain't you. Not one bit. If there's a monster inside of you, you've atoned for him already."
She moved her hand to his heart, feeling his beat quickening under her fingers, and looked at him straight into his eyes.
"I know who you are. I knew a while ago that you couldn't love me back, but that was all right. I'll get over it, and maybe he'll be half the man you are, but ya don't need to lie to me and tell me that my heart ain't in the right place."
Damn her. Always the unintentional martyr, and never a drop of selfishness in her blood - how was it that she always put herself first? He couldn't stand it.
He wanted to ask her so many questions. And at the same time, he hoped she would forget her alternatives.
"What if I don't want you to get over it?" he said, his voice quieter.
"Eh?"
There it was. Here were the unspilled thoughts that he had never allowed himself to express inside his head. Once he had opened himself to such possibilities, he knew he would be taking a gamble once again with his heart. To be so openly vulnerable was tantamount to danger, a far riskier proposition than death itself.
What if you were mine?
As in, eternally, and forever mine until the day I die?
Would you leave me?
Or would you stay?
He had thought to himself more than once that he would have gone to his grave, keeping his love a secret to the very end.
But now he knew with certainty that seeing her next to someone else would have been a slow death all the same.
His voice lowered to a desperate whisper, his hands slightly shaking. It was too late to retract his words at this point. "Don't go back to him. Stay with me. Be mine until you get sick of me. I want to be yours, and yours alone."
The emotion from her eyes welled up into tears once she realized the implication of what he said. "Gintoki... "
His hand closed over hers, and he wondered if she could feel his heartbeat thrumming underneath his skin. It felt entirely too small to contain every emotion he'd ever felt about her. He'd chosen to jump off the metaphorical cliff. Every second that passed by felt like he was in free-fall.
"Don't make me beg, Tayuu. If I have to kill another man to get you back, I'll do it. Even if he's a good man, even if I go to prison - "
"No, stop that," Tsukuyo said, and quickly wiped her tears away. "Don't do that." She stifled a laugh. "I - this - " He'd rendered her speechless again. Her voice, too, dropped into a whisper. "This is all I ever wanted," she murmured. "I just - I didn't expect you to - "
He silenced her by leaning forward, capturing her lips, making her weak in the process. There was a moment - a terrifying one - where she was frozen, not knowing how to react.
Too late, he realized it was her first kiss. He wondered if he was doing it wrong, until she melted into him, her shoulders visibly relaxing as she leaned into him.
Her fingertips reached his face once they separated, cool to the touch as they traced all of his features. She slowly outlined his eyebrows, traced his lips, and stared at him dazedly. "This is real, isn't it? You're not under any incense, are you... ?"
"No, it was all burned away," he said quietly, meeting her eyes. There was something profound about this, to understand that she'd been just as insecure as he was about this - all of it. "You saw to it, so that nobody would get the wrong idea ever again."
"Yes, I did," she agreed. Her thumbs tenderly stroked his cheek, before moving her palms down to cup his chin. "Can... can I kiss you again?" she asked shyly, a faint shade of pink appearing on her cheeks.
"You can do anything you like, Tayuu," Gintoki answered.
Both of their hands were shaking slightly, terrified of ruining the moment somehow. She rested her hands on his shoulders now, closer than ever to him.
This time their kiss lingered, as if they had not met one another for years. Maybe it was true in a way; both of them had repressed their true selves for so long that when given the freedom to express themselves honestly, they were loathe to separate from each other.
For the first time in his life, Gintoki had thoroughly fallen in love.
There had been countless women in his past - most of them nameless, and their faces long forgotten to him as he had stopped such encounters before the war had ended. It was only now, far past his youth, that he finally understood what it was like to recognize a kindred spirit so alike to him that he could not bear to be apart from her.
He deepened the kiss, leaning into her. Now his hands were wrapped around her waist, wanting more.
Tsukuyo was the first one to break apart, panting. She'd ran out of breath.
It put some brakes on the situation. He was somewhat aware of her inexperience, but in the midst of things, it had been quickly forgotten in lieu of new revelations, new discoveries. Now that they were somewhat back to reality - somewhat, as his hands were still around her waist - he knew boundaries had to be put in place, if he wanted to do things properly.
"We should probably stop kissing," he said, leaning his forehead against hers. "Even if I don't want to."
"Why?"
"Because if we don't, I'll want to do things that you're not ready for," he admitted. "And I have no intention of pushing you away again."
Comprehension quickly dawned on her, right before her lips curled into a playful smile. "The last time I offered, I remembered you turning me down," she teased him.
"Damn you, woman! You know this isn't the same thing."
"No it's not, but... " She was still holding him close, a miracle in itself. "But what if... what if... "
"There isn't any 'ifs' or 'buts' about this, Tsukki. Sex isn't a plaything to me, and I don't want to rush into things too quickly."
"But what if... " She swallowed. "What if... to go to sleep... I was thinkin' about you. And how your h-hands would feel... " She broke it off, apparently too embarrassed to continue.
Well. Damn it, that was hot.
This was a considerably different version of Tsukuyo from the person he originally expected. And furthermore, she had no right to be that sexy for someone that inexperienced!
Still, he drew on his last remaining shreds of common sense. "You're still gonna German Suplex me when the time comes. I'd rather take it slow."
It was coward's excuse, but he was comfortable enough to raise the issue with her before he inevitably was hurled into the walls of this very room.
He readied himself for the usual kunai, but to his surprise, his lover looked abashed.
"You know that I once made a vow back then to give up my womanhood. Because o' that, I had never allowed myself ta see myself as a sexual being, or ta even entertain the idea of being involved in such things... especially when it came to you."
Now Tsukuyo was growing more solemn. "But - I realized, to deny that part of me, to deny that you make me feel this way... it's a weakness of its own, isn't it? Whenever you touched me... in those places... I didn't know how to react."
"No, that just makes you human," he said, desperately hoping she'd get the hint. "Most women don't like being groped. You were right to retaliate in the first place."
Never mind that they had been accidents - well, most of them, anyway. He still could remember calculating the risk-cost ratio of groping her ass one time - it'd been worth it.
Tsukuyo chuckled. "Maybe it was the right thing ta do at the time, but now... Now I know it was because I wanted it more than I was willin' to admit. It wasn't you, really."
She put both of her hands now on his, her presence more gentle than he could ever thought a goddess of death could have ever been. He could smell her sweet perfume, mingled with the scent of her tobacco. Her essence was both intoxicating and comforting to him, a frightening combination that undoubtedly belonged to her and hers alone.
"Gintoki, if I asked you to make me a woman tonight, would you do it?"
He was already starting to fold, even though every part of his head was telling him it was a No Good, Very Bad Idea. If this sort of thing happened to him ten years ago, he wouldn't have given his inhibitions a second thought. But thirty years' worth of baggage were starting to weigh heavily on his psyche, more so now than ever before.
"Oi, oi... You're being incredibly unreasonable."
Her mouth quirked upwards. "Unreasonable how?"
"I don't even know if you understand half of what you're saying. You're giving me your virtue on a platter to a state-sanctioned criminal. You're asking me to corrupt you because you think it's the natural course of things."
"I live in Yoshiwara, of course it's natural," she said pointedly. "And there are far worse criminals who've stayed here, and done worse things before ya came."
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh, so ya think I'll suddenly be a different person once I lose my purity to you?" Her eyebrow arched.
"Yes... and no," he conceded. "What I mean is... once that step is taken, you can't quite go back." Gintoki looked away now, reticent to disappoint her.
"But I don't want ta wait any longer," she countered, forcing him to look at her once again. "Haven't I waited long enough? Those two years, where I didn't know where ya were, or where you were goin'... All I could think of was how happy I'd be if I could be by your side once more. And when the war happened, and I could save you once more, that's when I knew... that I would do anythin'... and everything... for you. And only you."
The words sunk into him, and for a moment he had nothing profound to say back to her. There was immense gratitude, juxtaposed next to his own unworthiness - and yet, a stronger emotion emerged from it all.
Triumph.
Here was a woman who paid as little respect to social norms as he did, had only truly respected perhaps one man in her life, and cared of nothing except to serve others, just like him. To be able to win her over... and to know that she looked at him - really saw him as a person, and not some potential for something else...
He lifted her hand to kiss it, knowing what words he had in mind for her would be woefully inadequate as a response. His touch was intentionally light; he wanted so badly to be gentle with her, understanding how strong she had to be for so many years, especially on her own.
"Fine, my courtesan of death. But if we're really going to do this, I have a few rules that you need to follow."
Her eyes softened.
"First, at any time when you feel uncomfortable, or something feels wrong, or you want to stop - tell me. Even if it kills me, even if you're afraid of giving me blue balls, you should treat me like an animal. By your words, not mine - it's true that I am an animal with two legs, and a brute, and an utter asshole from the day we first met. So with that in mind, you will always have the right to refuse, even if this was your idea. I won't ask you any questions - or say I told you so, even if I really want to."
"Noted," she said, though there was a dimple in her cheek.
"Secondly, you'll have to show me where you want to be touched. I want to know what you've been thinking about when you're alone. I'd like to say that I'm an all-knowing god in the bedroom, but truthfully, it's been a very long time for me. Every person is different and likes different things, and so, I want to do things properly. I won't know what you'll like unless you take initiative for your own pleasure, too."
Her cheeks were bright pink, but she nodded resolutely all the same. "Th-the same to you," she said, and he couldn't help but to feel slightly endeared by her stammering.
"And thirdly... don't think too hard about it."
"I'll try not to," she promised, although he could already see the subtle tension already taking place in her shoulder, ever so slightly. Ah, virgins. There was a certain sort of bravado to them, he thought fondly. They tended to complicate something inherently simple - a dance between two people, an ordinary ritual which could signal anything from love or lust or duty.
Slowly, he reached out for her, and kissed her for the third time. He pressed her close to his chest, marveling at how small she was against him, and how well she fit in the crook of his arms.
Had she always been this light? He remember vaguely once, three days when she had gone missing, the relief that had coursed through him once she had collapsed into his arms. She had been alive. Terribly, terribly hurt - but alive, and strong, and beautiful.
"Hold me," he whispered, and she wrapped his arms around her back. He understood it meant that she was allowing him to lead her, and to give herself to him.
It didn't negate the fact that he'd started drinking on an empty stomach before she insisted on sleeping with him. His nerves felt sluggish, his movements awkward. It had really been a colossal bundle of mistakes that he'd made today that'd be hard to reverse, but now that they were really locked into this, he wasn't a quitter.
When they landed on the futon in an ungraceful heap, she couldn't help but laugh. "This is the guy who took down Hosen, huh?"
"Shut up," he muttered. Still, she was beautiful like this, even fully clothed underneath him. Her hair gleamed golden against the soft warmth of the paper lanterns.
"I'm not used to this," he said softly, as he gently tugged the hairpins from her head; he figured it'd be more comfortable for her for what they were going to do next. "You're making me nervous, y'know. Even if you're a cherry girl."
"Maybe you're not that far off from being a born-again cherry boy," she teased him.
"I definitely feel like one," he admitted. He hadn't realized how starved he was for someone's touch. It wasn't merely physical or emotional; it was a mixture of both.
She pulled him closer into another long kiss, less awkward this time. The little experience she had gained had made her more attuned to the right angles, and after they broke apart, she planted another soft, gentler kiss on his lips, like a signature. It was a small reminder that she was here next to him, accepting him as he was, even if she was unfamiliar to intimacy compared to him.
Her gaze was clear and untroubled when she leaned back. "Just be gentle with me. That's all I'm asking for, Gintoki."
"I will," he promised.
Lightly peppering her with kisses, he slowly let his lips touch where he was permitted to go. He nipped at the corner of her mouth before trailing down to her jawline; he then took his lips down to her magnificent neck, making her whimper as she clung onto him.
He hadn't expected that she would respond to him physically like this. She'd never seemed inclined or interested.
His fingers slowly untied the knot of her kimono, as he continued to make her shiver in delight.
The material of her kimono was light - made of fine silk, and as he slowly slid the robe off her shoulders, he took a moment to admire her body. Though her alabaster skin was lightly marked from scars of former battles, her muscles were sinewy. Toned. The only thing soft about her were her boobs, which were big for her frame, and his hands itched to caress them. To mark them as his own, because she was made for him and him only.
She looked at him and slowly unhooked her bra from underneath him, watching him hitch his throat as he drank in the sight of her bare chest.
"How is it?" she asked softly, her voice betraying a slight self-consciousness.
"Perfect," he answered. Other words were insufficiently appropriate for the occasion. "You're perfect, Tayuu."
He let her do the same to him as she took off his clothes, waiting for her to make the first move. It was enough for him, all of this. If she wanted to chicken out now, he would still be content, knowing he was the first to see her naked like this.
Then her lips trembled, and all his noble convictions flew out the window. "Touch me, Gintoki."
That first brush of their bare bodies was like an electric shock, the two of them pressing into each other as their lips met in a desperate kiss. His hands roamed all over, reaching everywhere he'd wanted to touch. Her hips. Chest. Neck. His fingers lightly stroked her nipples, causing her to keen softly. He wanted to consume all of her, to please her. To make her desperately hungry for him, like the way he was for her.
His fingers slipped past her panties and gently stroking her slick folds. Fuck. He hadn't expected that.
"You're so wet," he murmured.
"Mmm." She slid her panties off, bit her lip and then pushed into his fingers, her arousal clear. He slowly taunted her entrance, circling and playing with her lips before he slid first one finger, then another inside her, stretching her out carefully. His fingers curled as he gradually pumped them in and out of her slick flesh.
"Ah… more… faster…" she gasped. His fingers swirled around her clit as he stroked her inner walls.
After a minute or so, her back arched and she humped his fingers, her escalating moans encouraging him to apply pressure. He complied, stroking the sensitive nub while his fingers fucked his lover, absently rubbing his dick against her thigh. Her eyes were squeezed closed, pussy clamping on his curled digits. "Ah, ah, yes…"
It was his cue to speed up, fingers circling and stroking and pressing; he was amazed as her liquid arousal slid all over his hand. She whimpered and pressed hard against his fingers as the pleasure washed over her, her sex pulsing around his two fingers rammed as deep inside her as he could.
"Oh fuck, mmm," she moaned. Her body jerked in his arms, jaw dropping around a pitching cry as she pushed back hard into Gintoki's hand. When she stopped gripping the sheets, he stroked her gently a few more times and withdrew.
Oh my god, she can actually squirt. What the hell. That's never happened to me before...
He wondered if that former sexual repression she'd held on for so long was the reason why she was sensitive to his touch. Or was it the years of waiting for him? Of fantasizing of what it was like to sleep with someone she'd pined for? Whatever it was, he was immensely grateful for his stroke of luck. Most women were rarely in tune with their sexuality when they were with him, judging from the few times he'd been with the prostitutes who had serviced him in the past.
He found himself hard as hell. A willing participant to her desire as she pulled him back on top of her, ready to rock his world.
She really is woman of Yoshiwara...
"Condom," Tsukuyo mumbled in between kisses, pulling him closer by the hips and swallowing his gasp as the motion slid their hips together. Her hand reached out to pass him one as she fumbled under the pillow; it was agonizing for the two of them to wait as he tore through the condom wrapper, slipping the prophylactic over his cock.
Even though he didn't like the feel of latex over his skin, he was glad for it; it would stop him from coming too quickly. He couldn't take any chances. He groaned and rubbed his shaft on her, bathing his cock in her slick folds. "Oh fuck, that feels good," he breathed. Her arousal from her previous orgasm had made her so wet.
"Mm-hm," Tsukuyo agreed, rolling her hips slightly to glide her pussy lips up and down his velvety heat.
The tip of his cock pressed at her entrance. He felt the anticipation building up as his body vibrated with the need to be inside her, already imagining his cock plunging into her depths, stroking her insides like the way he had been stroking her opening.
"Ready?" he asked her, and she nodded.
He swallowed, right before he pushed.
That bulbous tip gently parted her lips and, with barely any resistance, began to slide into her.
After an inch in, he started to feel her body tensing. Instead of going any further, he willingly retreated from her entrance, choosing to swirl the silky tip of his cock along her slick folds. He glided between her lips to her clit and back again, building up her anticipation. Tsukuyo moaned as he held himself there at the tip, lust rolling over both of them, waiting for something to give.
"Gintoki, please... put it back in... "
He didn't hesitate, shifting as he oh-so-slowly dragged his cock back to her entrance, gently forcing her lips to swallow that round tip again, savoring every moment. She felt so amazingly tight around him as he slid in and out of her, warming her up for her first time. Eventually, he was able to fill her up completely, causing him to groan as they slotted against each other, fitting perfectly against their bodies.
He started thrusting long and slow, panting into her hair. Over time, she met his rolling hips in equal measure, taking more of his cock with every delicious pump, his shaft driving increasing pleasure through her body.
They were a moaning puddle of incoherent lust, thoughts scattered by the pleasure flooding their systems. All he could focus on was the feeling of his cock sliding into wet heat, slowly retreating all the way before impaling her over and over, again and again, and again.
"Harder," she gasped, and that was when everything changed.
Gintoki couldn't hold back anymore. He was thrusting into her, short little pumps, grinding the base of his cock against her opening.
"Oh fuck, you're so tight and hot, I can't—oh fuck, I can't stop, you feel too good." He shuddered, frantically taking his pleasure in her freshly broken-in pussy.
She moaned in response, lifting her bottom higher to meet his thrusts more deeply. He surged and bottomed out as his pelvis hit her clit, his cock filling her completely. Pleasure rolled through her body. God, he felt good. The warmth of his chest, the strength of his arms encasing her shoulders, the beautiful heat where their bodies joined — he wanted more, just a little more pressure.
"Please… oh… mmmh… ah, ah," Tsukuyo gasped. He was holding her down, his firm hands gripping her hips, his body pressing hers into the bed. Her nails clawed into his back.
He could tell that she was so close, almost over the edge.
"Oh, fuck," he groaned, and the tension down the base of his spine grew even tenser. "You're so wet. So hot. Are you going to cum? I want you to cum. Cum for me, Tsukuyo. Cum while I'm fucking you. Cum on my cock."
The pounding between her legs was relentless as his words caused her to grow even slicker. Delicious. Neither of them could resist. His fingers circled her clit, rolling in sync with his rough thrusts. The intense sensations overwhelmed the both of them and she lost the fight, stopped fighting altogether.
Her pussy clamped, legs squeezed, and jolts of pleasure shot through him as her warm inner walls grabbed and pulsed around his cock. She couldn't say anything or make a sound, completely breathless - but he knew she'd came, and the knowledge that she was climaxing with him inside of her made his mind go blank.
White hot pleasure pulsed through Gintoki as he pressed down tight against his lover's chest, moaning into her throat as he filled her with thick ropes of cum inside of the condom. He could feel Tsukuyo clenching around him as he rode out his own release, grinding and jerking his hips as they tumbled through the high together.
Their pants filled the room as the blinding pleasure ebbed away. While their sweat cooled, he could feel one emotion so clearly that it was almost overbearing.
Peace.
He and her, he knew with certainty, loved one another as two people who were husband and wife, and as dear friends who loved one another. It seemed to him that fate had intended them for one another, and they were like two migrating birds, the male and the female, who had been once caught and put into separate cages. As they broke free, he would forgive her for all that she was ashamed of in the past and the present, and knew that she would feel the same for him. He felt that this love of theirs had profoundly changed them both.
He slipped out of her, and took off the used condom, rolling slightly to her side before holding her close to him. She wrapped an arm around his side, not wanting to be apart from him so soon.
"We should shower," Tsukuyo mumbled, as her head rest against his chest.
"Later," he said, making her snort.
They laid there for a few moments, relaxed as they basked in the afterglow of their intercourse. Her eyes flickered to his, half smiling as she started to take in what had happened between the two of them. "That was... " She trailed off, unable to continue.
"Incredible, yeah."
"I'm glad it was you," she confessed. In that rare moment of vulnerabilty, something in his chest throbbed, making his throat seize up. He couldn't say anything to her, and so he chose instead to give her a slow and sweet kiss, content to hear her humming against his lips.
That night they slept soundly, with no nightmares to disturb either of them. So sweetly they had found each other's embrace that nothing, not even the sounds of nightlife below their balcony, could spoil their happiness.
-x-
They sat comfortably in the bathtub - it was larger than most, and the hot water was soothing on their bodies, washing away the sins of last night's activities. The faucet, once it was turned off, left the bathroom steamy and misty. In the morning before they inevitably had to part ways, the silence had been utterly peaceful - or was supposed to be, at any rate. But something in Gintoki's face must have shown otherwise, and one of her eyebrows lifted.
"Why did you say yes to a marriage interview?" he asked her. Their feet were touching each others.
"What did you mean?"
"You know. To that guy... Fujiwara."
His tone, if anything, was trying his best not to be accusatory. After all, his woman had chosen him in the end, but still - there were doubts lurking in his mind. That he wasn't good enough for her, that he couldn't make her happy.
"He was lonely," Tsukuyo said. "I was lonely. I told him from the start how I loved you, but didn't think I'd get anywhere with you. You've got this wall inside of you, Gintoki." Now there was expression of melancholy in her face. "You don't let people get close to you, not even your friends or family. I didn't think I'd ever get to ya in a way that ever mattered. So I wanted to move on, even if I didn't know it was possible."
Her casual confession, said so matter-of-factly, took his breath away. He vowed then and there to never make her feel that way again.
He gripped her hand under the water tightly.
"One day," he said. "I'll tell you everything that's happened to me," he promised. "Everything. And then you won't need to marry anyone else. Because you were made for me. You belong to me. Forever and eternally."
She smiled, and said nothing in response.
It seemed to them that they were within an inch of arriving at a foregone decision, and that a new, beautiful life would begin. And they both realized that the end was still far, far away, and that the hardest, the most complicated part was only just beginning.
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- the end -
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- tbc
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