Our favorite useless Goddess gets sent to early 20th-century Earth to fight the rise of … atheism. And maybe even promote freedom, love, and acceptance.
Author's Note:
If it isn't obvious, I dislike all forms of political and religious extremism, including but not limited to Nationalist Socialists, Communists, Religious extremists, Militant atheists, etc etc.
The historical context will be explained in the notes below.
There will be a lot of terms either in German or not used frequently today; those will be explained in the notes below. I'll also try my best to avoid anachronistic language unless Aqua brings it up or uses it.
Keep in mind, even Aqua and the other people in the story (including the publications) are generally imperfect narrators; read between the lines to see which is fact and which is propaganda/delusions/ignorance.
I didn't major in history or languages, so there will be some inaccuracies. Feel free to point them out, but this is a slightly AU earth from our own, so some inconsistencies will stay to make the story work, and in other cases, Aqua just changes history.
Updates will be a little slow since it's hard to write from Aqua's or her Archpriest's POV. I also have to study history while writing this.
Chapter 1: A Goddess' Blessing upon the post-war World
A Goddess descends upon the Earth
Goddess Division, Heaven
Aqua
"The Axis Church can get things done. And because you can get things done, even if it doesn't go well, it's not your fault!"
Ughhh. Why do we even have these grand meetings in the first place? All the goddesses do is gossip at each other and make fun of the gods.
I want to go back to my room and watch a few more rom-coms while drinking from some of the barrels of wine Jesus left behind for me before he went on vacation with Buddha in one of my Japans.
It's supposed to be a *hush-hush* thing, which is why he bribed me with a large supply of wine made from my holy water.
It solidified my status as an Elite Goddess; our collaborative holy wine made from my holy water and converted to wine by Him was a great hit.
I was faintly paying attention to the discussion from the Chief Goddess.
"The Gods are dealing with World XXXXXX and their rising atheism by… oh my."
My assistants were gossiping too loudly for me to hear the rest; I trusted Eris to take down any important notes for me anyway.
"The assigned god got too annoyed at a Salaryman and sent him to another world as a little girl to turn people to god again." I was barely able to hear over the noise.
"Being X, what a stupid name." A minor goddess gossiped behind me.
"Even Aqua could think of a smarter way to deal with Atheism than sending an atheist to preach the gospel." Was that Athena? That arrogant idiot kept making fun of my intelligence.
She's even more annoyed ever since I convinced the poor guy to choose my weaves over Athena's.
Poor Paris has been stuck in the footsteps of Mount Olympus ever since he died, cursed to be the perpetual judge of the Greek goddesses' disputes by Zeus.
I heard my name called out by the Chief Goddess.
I didn't want to be shouted at again for not paying attention, so I snapped to attention and said.
"Hai! Yes, Chief Goddess!" I enthusiastically shouted. The vain old crone wants loud support all the time. I didn't know what she was talking about, but who cares? Her wrath would be a lot worse if she knew I wasn't listening.
"Perfect, we have a volunteer. Aqua will be assigned to Earth XXXXX to fight the rise of godless atheism. She will get a commission bonus for each soul she converts and a rule-free wish if she hits the quota." The chief goddess announced to the crowd.
Athena was smirking at me like a true jerk. Why was Eris looking so shocked?
A commission bonus and a rule-free wish? I can make myself an Elder-Goddess and have even more underlings!
After all, what can go wrong? My holy presence should be enough to make people grovel at their feet. A few weeks of being worshipped on that Earth, and I can come back and enjoy everything else here. I can even get more subordinates to do all my work for me.
All I need is a suitable minion to spread the gospel for me. Maybe I can even promise them a promotion like I did for Eris in the wonderful world ages ago.
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November 1918, Pasewalk, Germany
A Gefreiter fell victim to mustard gas at the battle of Ypres in October 1918.
He was currently recuperating when he saw the most beautiful woman in the world appear in front of him. Her beauty was beyond the most beautiful women found in paintings; she was a walking work of art.
She had a glamor that surpassed humans; you could even say she was… heavenly.
She had strange blue hair, but it was long and silky beyond compare, especially with the water and soap shortages over the last few years.
She looked rather young, a schönes Mädchen; she could easily pass as someone ten years younger than my age, a teenager whose childhood must have been dashed by the brutality of war.
She wore a strange-looking dress, one that looked more festive and quite indecent, with a strange purple scarf floating over her like an ethereal floss.
Her aqua-blue eyes stared at the man and started speaking.
"Adolf Hitler, welcome to the afterlife. Unfortunately, you've died. It might've been short, but your life's now over."
The man jolted out of his bed, scowling when he felt the pain.
"Just kidding, you're alive. Your eyes looked so dead that I needed to jolt them back to life once more. You have a special purpose, and I need your full attention."
The blue-haired woman went closer to the bewildered man, raised her hand, and shouted. "Heal!" (Although to his currently overwhelmed senses, it sounded more like "Heil!" than "Heilen!").
All the accumulated aches and pains from the last few years, the wracking cough, the aching leg, even the small scratches from war.
It was all gone.
"A-are you an angel sent from above?" The rejuvenated-looking man said he felt taller and fitter than he ever was; all the deprivations he experienced during his life of poverty in Vienna were also erased by a simple shout of…
"What? No, I'm no lowly angel! I'm an Elite Goddess! Aqua, the Goddess of Water." The Goddess, now identified as Aqua, proudly declared to him.
"And I chose you to be my messenger, to teach the world of the glory and power of Aqua, and to spread the good name of the Axis Cult around the world!"
"What are you talking about? Why me? I don't even believe in the corrupt system that is organized religion. As much as I owe you for whatever you did as undeniable proof of Divine Providence, why should I care?" Despite the wonder and euphoria Adolf had over Aqua's healing, his long-seated problems with organized religion emerged when Aqua talked about her cult.
"While I agree that some religions can get corrupt, that's just because their deities are too lazy to manage them. Not me! I always make sure my archpriest or archpriestess in my world hears my instructions every time I give them." Aqua also gave a loud hmphh sound
Adolf was about to voice further dissent until Aqua said the right words.
"You are special. My mission is to prevent atheists and their supporters from taking over this planet, and I told the Council of Goddesses to find someone who is as smart, charming, and artistic as I am. Someone who can rile up a crowd and convince millions to follow them to the ends of the world." Aqua pulled out some gorgeous sculptures and paintings out of thin air.
The artist in Adolf was mesmerized at the sight.
"The goddesses told me you were destined for unbelievable things, and I see that spark inside you. All you need to do is to sign this document and pledge your heart and soul to me, the Goddess Aqua, and together, we can change the world!" A halo was glowing around Aqua; her divine aura filled Adolf's sight.
Aqua foolishly took Athena's words to heart about choosing Adolf as her future Archpriest but nobody expected this to happen in heaven.
"B-but this sheet is in English?" Adolf pointed out; Aqua shook her head and mumbled something about incompetent assistants.
Aqua decided to ask Adolf's questions instead and filled out the form herself, only stopping to get his signature.
A glowing light sealed the deal, and the bamboozled Hitler slowly got back to his senses.
His life changed at a single stroke of a pen.
Untold millions would be affected by this shift.
(image found in Betaorionisff on IG upon request)
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"What in God's name is this?" The priest shouted at the conspicuous pair.
The priest interrupted Adolf's return to sanity.
"God? Which God are you talking about?" Aqua casually asked, ignoring the rising anger of the priest.
"What do you mean which God? Of course, it would be the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit! Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?" The priest shouted in the thankfully nearly empty hall. For some reason or another, there were no more patients assigned to this ward aside from Gefreiter Hitler.
"Oh, Jesus? He's a great friend of mine; we usually talk about art and architecture and exchange notes. We even have a hit collaboration whenever he turns my holy water into the finest divine wines. He said he'd try to diversify his line after he finishes his vacation with Buddha in Japan." Aqua proudly proclaimed as the priest stood slackjawed at her unbelievable story.
Adolf had a small feeling in his heart that despite how unbelievable that tale sounded, it was likely true. It was a side effect of signing the Axis cult contract.
"Do you even hear yourself? You make yourself sound like a peer to God, and you even make baseless claims that make light of his Holiness. What would he even do with that pagan oriental idol?"
"Pagan idol? Hey! That sounds mean! Take it back." Aqua told the priest.
"I have no time to listen to delusions of addled hysterical women. I only came here to announce that Germany has surrendered. The war is over. I'm going to leave now and talk to less delusional people." The priest leaves the room.
"Don't worry, it's not your fault that things didn't work out. Blame society!" Aqua told the visibly disheartened Hitler.
"Y-you're right. It's their fault that we lost the war. The cowardly Kaiser, the corrupt junkers, all they did was let us common men die!" Hitler angrily raged at society.
"Yes, of course. And the godless communists, their lack of faith destroys societies; look at what they did to Russia! Convert people to the Axis cult and you would see your blessings increase." Aqua looked at Hitler conspiratorially.
"In fact, I can even give you a small commission for your converts; after all, you are my first follower here," Aqua said as she looked into the Gefreiter's eyes.
Adolf paused for a few minutes, eyes glazed and expression turning serious. He was having an epiphany.
While that happened, Aqua was drawing random doodles around the hospital room.
"Yes, I found my new purpose in life; we would tear down this corrupt, godless Germany and turn it into a powerful empire led by you, Goddess Aqua!" Hitler said with (deranged) fervor, he would've had a breakdown and a different insane vision in other universes, but with Aqua by his side, his pent-up rage, frustration, and anger have shifted significantly.
"Hail Aqua!" Hitler stood at attention, saluting his newfound Goddess.
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December 28, 1918, Hofbräuhaus near Feldherrnhalle, Munich, People's State of Bavaria.
Ever since he was discharged from the army hospital, it has been a difficult month for the Gefreiter-turned-Archpriest and his Goddess Aqua.
Not only was he denied veteran's pay due to Bavaria supposedly seceding from Germany, but nobody took him seriously because of his companion.
While he knew and witnessed the divine power of Lady Aqua, the common swine and idiots around him didn't know what true power and art were.
Aqua, with the assistance of Adolf, managed to earn a decent sum of money for a postwar German by repainting and repairing damaged houses around Munich and the occasional desperate person who tried the Axis Cult brand of healing miracles.
It allowed them to rent a modest, three-bedroom apartment near the city center, a strategic place to recruit followers and preach the gospel.
"Adolf, Adolf!" Aqua shouted, dressed in what most people would consider scandalous and impractical for winter clothing. "Let's go to the beer hall! I bet we can recruit people there."
"But Lady Aqua, I don't drink alcohol, and also, how could we recruit loyal followers in a beer hall?" He asked in return.
"Tsk tsk, have I ever led you astray?" Aqua replied.
Hitler tried to hide his thoughts. Technically, the reason why he wasn't taken seriously around Munich was because of Aqua's disruptive presence around the city. At the same time, she opened his mind not just to better art beyond what he dreamed of but a divine destiny.
"Hey! Stop thinking mean thoughts again." Aqua bonked Adolf in the head and pulled him to a large beer hall.
"Now go! Preach the gospel of the Axis Cult while I connect with my inner spirituality." Aqua pushed her Archpriest to the stage.
Adolf decided to try his luck on the empty stage.
The air hangs thick with the scent of stale beer and disbelief. The crowd, a mix of weary veterans and wary civilians, strains to understand the spectacle before them. Hitler, his usual fiery intensity replaced by an almost manic zeal, stands at a makeshift podium.
"Meine Freunde!" he booms, his voice echoing in the cavernous hall. We stand at a crossroads! The old world lies broken. The Kaiser, misguided by faithless idiots and cowardly atheists, sold our nation to the evil conquerors." The crowd looked at him, judging his next move.
"But from the ashes, a new dawn rises! We are the Axis Order, and our goddess, Aqua, offers not vengeance but love! We shall rebuild Germany."
The word "love" hangs heavy in the air, a stark contrast to the calls for retribution that frequently filled these halls. A smattering of confused applause ripples through the audience. Other people were jeering at the announcement of a random deity, and even more, were angry that someone was promoting peace towards the foreigners who destroyed Germany.
"Hey! Aren't you the nutjob with that drunken blue-haired whore? The one who wears skirts so short that you could almost see her underwear… Except, she doesn't seem to wear any!" A large man at the head of a long table jeered at him.
"Give him a break; he and his woman may be eccentric, but he healed my brother's injured legs. Whatever they're doing, it's better than the useless platitudes the priests at the cathedral give us." A blonde-haired man said from another table.
"Besides, they can fix and restore houses so quickly and at such a low price." Someone else from the man's table spoke up.
"That is exactly why I hate those nutjobs! We honest, hardworking carpenters and painters don't pray to the Devil to build houses ten times faster. Look at the "so-called Lady" Aqua over there."
Behind Hitler, draped across a table decorated with outlandish finery, sits Aqua. The goddess herself is a picture of disarray. Her once pristine robes are stained with spilled beer, and her hair hangs in a sticky, beer-soaked mess. She punctuates Hitler's speech with hiccups and drunken pronouncements:
"Love everyone! Free healing for all believers tonight!"
A hush falls over the crowd. Aqua, with a dramatic flourish, waves her hand over a man clutching a wounded arm and a heavily bruised face.
"Heal!"
The man gasps as a warm light envelops him, followed by a sigh of relief. The wound visibly heals.
"T-thank you… b-but… why?" The man asked.
"You blue-haired idiot! Why did you heal that Schwuchtel? We caught him going to that deviant's "sexology" lectures; all that deviant Hirschfeld teaches is Sodomy! If a man stays too close to him, that man would start being attracted to other men too. It's just as contagious as the Bolshevik Disease!" A burly man and his three companions approached Aqua.
Aqua surprised the crowd by hugging the gay man. While she was drunk, she spoke with a powerful voice.
"Thou shalt love big men. Thou shalt love small men. Whether you're a shotacon or a NEET or love a big black mmpphh." Hitler briefly clamped her mouth, but Aqua bit his hand and continued. "With the exception of devils, as long as there is love and doesn't break the law, everything will be forgiven in my order." Aqua proclaimed to the disgusted crowd.
The man she hugged was teary-eyed and asked.
"Your order? You don't care if I love men? I don't understand half the things you talked about, but other people call me a devil. How could you be so accepting? I know Herr Hirschfeld has convinced feminists to work with us Homosexuals, but those women have never been as accepting as you are. I really appreciate what you did for me tonight. My name is Karl Giese." Karl introduced himself to Aqua but was rudely interrupted by Adolf.
"Run! Let's get out of here now!" Hitler shouted as Aqua and Karl ran away from the riot in the beer hall.
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Dec 30, 1918
Münchner Neueste Nachrichten (MNN)
Self-proclaimed Axis Cult incites Beerhall riots.
A scene of bewildering chaos unfolded at the venerable Hofbräuhaus last night as a peculiar religious sect wreaked havoc within its walls. At the heart of the mayhem was a drunken and scandalously dressed blue-haired woman named Aqua, self-proclaimed 'Goddess,' and her ranting supporter, the self-proclaimed "Archpriest" Adolf Hitler.
Witnesses report the bizarre incident began when Aqua audaciously proclaimed her twisted dogma of "accepting all forms of love." This scandalous declaration, a blatant assault on morality, was echoed by the fervent cries of Hitler, whom authorities know well as a relentless agitator. This came right after patrons of the bar were graciously escorting a known sodomite out of the bar, only to be interrupted by this drunken, corrupt girl.
Predictably, this offensive display sparked outrage amongst decent patrons. Uproar ensued, with many voicing their disgust at such indecency. Order quickly deteriorated, leading to a shocking brawl within the historic tavern.
Police intervened to quell the disturbance, with several participants facing charges. Investigations into this peculiar cult, the so-called 'Axis Cult,' and its apparent ties to the firebrand Hitler are now underway.
Editorial Comment: This appalling incident reveals a disturbing trend: the rise of extremist groups masquerading as religious organizations. Pious citizens of Munich must not tolerate those who seek to undermine our traditions and incite unrest. The authorities must take swift action to root out these dangerous elements.
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The Axis Cult Accepts all love… as long as they are not undead or demons…. Or Godless communists.
1919 Dachau, Munich, People's State of Bavaria:
"It's society's fault that things don't work out!" | "If you want to rule, you have to first believe in yourself."
Hitler and Aqua initially had a difficult time after leaving the beer hall. They were arrested several times for disturbing the peace with their ham-fisted preaching, but since people generally found them more amusing than destructive, they weren't treated so roughly. Besides, there were far more dangerous groups running around Bavaria over the last few months.
It also helped that Aqua unofficially healed a lot of people while she was officially credited with magnificent works of art.
Adolf was a fiery apprentice, whether it was in terms of religion or art. His loud speeches in Dachau constantly entertain large crowds.
He was still angry at the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna, but he was beyond proud of his Goddess' art skills.
She even started the trend of unsettling realism in the post-war landscape. Expressionism and abstract concepts failed to grasp the pain and suffering felt during the war, and more than a handful of artists went to their countryside manor in Dachau.
The mayor of Munich gave them the Dachau Palace after Aqua quietly healed thousands of victims of the Spanish flu. Minister President Eisner also supported the initiative after Aqua secretly resurrected him after an assassin killed him several months back. However, only the highest echelons suspect that Aqua merely healed him back from the brink of death.
Aqua quietly healed these people in the sense that she was asked not to force them to sign the Axis cult recruitment sheet before receiving her miracles.
Aqua was surprisingly amenable to that as long as those receiving them worshipped Jesus, to whom she owed a favor or two.
The mayor and the city elite were relatively tolerant of Aqua's antics despite the fiercely religious region around them because of the blatant miracles Aqua was doing around the city.
From injured veterans and war victims being whole again to the Spanish Flu victims suddenly recovering, Mayor Eduard Schmid offered Aqua and her apprentice the currently abandoned Dachau Palace for four reasons.
First, he wanted to keep Aqua and Hitler away from the masses in Bavaria, who were adding religious turmoil to the already turbulent atmosphere in the city. The communist and freikorps' attempts to take over Bavaria have left scars all over the community.
Second, hundreds of people kept flocking to the rented house Aqua and Hitler lived in, which was causing a security nightmare for his police. Particularly since there have been multiple attempts to attack the Axis Cult, however, her private army of flamboyant followers thwarted most efforts, while Aqua and her Arch Priest, Adolf, seemed impervious to attacks.
Third, Aqua was also a fantastic artist and architect. A condition for Aqua to keep the abandoned palace was to restore it to its former glory or more. As well as maintaining the grounds around it, if she fails to reach an acceptable standard in three years, it will revert back to the Bavarian government.
The mayor just wanted someone to renovate the palace for free; after all, how could two people restore such a massive palace when they barely had any Papier marks on them?
The last part was because of a very unpopular yet growing movement that has decided to follow Aqua.
The Warmer Bruders and the Transvestit, as well as all the other followers of the growing movement from Magnus Hirschfeld. Hirschfeld moved his institute for Sexual Science from Berlin to a former weapons factory in Dachau that went out of business shortly after the Great War.
There was a rise of Homosexuals and whatever other queers that flocked towards the Axis cult after Aqua loudly proclaimed that as long as they didn't love dead or demonic people (whatever that meant to the confused population), all love was okay under the eyes of the Axis cult.
She even caused a riot in Munich after officiating a gay wedding, which was considered null and void by the city. There were calls for her arrest, but it was ignored as Aqua's utility in healing people overrode Paragraph 175 and its enforcement. However, growing demand by the conservative Catholic leadership still led to Aqua's unofficial exile to Dachau.
The HoSo or the Homosexuelle Abteilung wore vibrant Aqua-colored uniforms. The HoSo wore tailored aqua-colored suits with a flash of silver at their neck and had a black armband with a golden Axis Cult logo superimposed on a red circular background. Their clothes weren't flamboyant, but the color, the cut, and the way they carried themselves spoke of the fanaticism their community had for Aqua.
While the Axis cultists weren't all gay or homosexual, the early inclusion of Hirschfeld and Ernst Röhm to the ranks of the cult made their movement a lot more prominent, especially after another one of Aqua's miracles.
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April 7, 1919, Aqua's Palace (formerly Dachau Palace), Munich, People's State of Bavaria
"Isn't that what I call a Transvestit? But if Lady Aqua wills it, all men who dress up as women but don't want to become women shall henceforth be called Traps." - Magnus Hirschfeld.
Aqua
"Goddess Aqua, I know you could do great miracles; I beg you, please let my dream come true." A man wearing a skirt and wig knelt in front of me.
"Lady Aqua, I would like you to meet Dora, a man with a woman's heart. He believes that he is a woman and has even attempted to cut off his own testicles a couple of times. I rescued Dora from destitution and jail time since a man wearing women's clothing is also a crime in Berlin." Magnus told me.
Ooooh, people in heaven had a new term for that, something like… transgender? Still, I can easily fix this problem if it gets me more fanatic, I mean, loyal followers.
"My Goddess, please reconsider; while you have taught me to tolerate all forms of love, how are you going to change the natural order of things?" My Archpriest, Adolf, said as he looked at me with weary eyes.
"But Adi-kun, how would I be the best goddess for my willing followers if I can't help their dreams come true? Besides, this blessing needs constant faith in myself in order to keep it in effect," I told the group as I gestured for one of my assistants to help me. "Get me my art kit!"
"Watch and learn, Adi-kun!" I liked the way Japanese people called each other out, even though these Germans never got why I attached a "kun" or "chan" at the end of their names.
Adolf stood beside me, watching as I painted the Axis Cult logo on Dora's forehead. I also drew the (Mars symbol), (Venus symbol), and a (combined Mars and Venus symbols with an arrow) above the Axis Cult logo. The Mars Symbol and the combined Symbol currently glow on Dora's head.
"Dora, if you pray to me five times a day, you will retain a female form. Your faith hath made thee into a woman. Welcome, sister." I hugged Dora as she happily checked herself. The Venus symbol and the combined Symbol are now glowing on Dora's forehead.
"I'm a real girl now! Thank you, thank you so much, dear Goddess Aqua!" Dora said as her smaller form pranced around the main hall of my palace.
Magnus introduced me to a dozen more followers who also wanted to turn into a girl, three girls who wanted to turn into boys, and even one person who wanted both organs.
I repeated the ritual for all of them, and I basked in the amazement of the people around me.
"See! No more icky snip-snip surgery or acting up like a Toransu." I displayed this to everyone around me.
"What's a Toransu, your holiness?" Magnus asked me.
"Oh, Toransu is what I call guys who look like girls or dress up as girls, and then when the guy they seduce goes after them, they pounce like a Trap and turn those straight men into gays! Trap, yeah, that's what you'd call it." Of course, these people wouldn't know what a trap is from my manga and anime stash. They owe me for enlightening them.
"Isn't that what I call a Transvestit? But if Lady Aqua wills it, all men who dress up as women but don't want to become women shall henceforth be called Traps." Hirschfeld declared.
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Aqua's Exploits are starting to make ripples
Regional News around Germany
June 12, 1919
Münchner Neueste Nachrichten (MNN)
"Aqua" Mocks God's Creation with Perverse Transformation Rituals
Gustav Ritter von Kahr, head of Freikorps
Aqua of the Axis cult claims to convert transwomen into "real women." The Axis cult continues to stir mayhem from their Dachau headquarters as Aqua claims to have methods that convert men who think they are women into real women.
The perverse and godless communists that run the People's State of Bavaria are the reason why this state is cursed.
Endless poverty and lines of people begging for work or even for food. Hundreds of people lay in hospitals due to the Bolshevik, Spanish, or French Flu.
And now we shall be cursed even further when that insane artist with a toothbrush mustache preaches "free love for all." What does he think he's doing? No wonder that strange girl with her isn't pregnant.
The so-called "Archpriest" Hitler was already accused of only having one testicle, which was why he couldn't get his woman pregnant. However, I believe that Hitler is also gay!
If the true Germans shall not rise up against this abomination, our country shall shrink further into the depths of history, to be forgotten as a footnote.
Munich, June 14th, 1919
Augsburger Postzeitung
Cardinal Denounces Blasphemy at Dachau
His Eminence, Cardinal Michael von Faulhaber, Archbishop of Munich and Freising, has issued a stern condemnation of the so-called "Axis Cult" and their outlandish leader, "Aqua." The Cardinal decries their claims of transforming men into women as vile heresy, an affront to God, and an assault on the sanctity of His creation. This is already on top of the crude and shameful attitude this woman shows by freely talking about sexual activities, which a proper woman has no place to do.
The Cardinal also accuses the so-called "Archpriest" Adolf Hitler of Sodomy and preying on young boys with promises of beer and food in exchange for unspeakable sexual acts. Hitler's collaboration with the Hirschfeld School of Sodomy and Satanism (which the Cardinal named Hirschfeld's Institut für Sexualwissenschaft) is a stain upon society. The Archpriest is known for his fiery speeches and bold art. While his speeches cause riots on the streets, his brightly clad HoSo (Homosexuelle Abteilung) keeps fights at a minimum, as men avoid touching the Hoso to avoid the transmissible disease of Homosexuality.
Cardinal von Faulhaber warns all faithful Catholics against falling prey to the false promises and deceptive practices of this dangerous cult, which operates from their base in Dachau. He calls upon the authorities to investigate this wretched group and their perverse rituals, which threaten the moral fabric of our society.
"These charlatans seek to undermine the very foundation of our families and communities," the Cardinal declares. "The faithful must resist their wickedness and remain steadfast in the true faith."
The Cardinal's strong words reflect the growing concern among Munich's religious leaders about the disruptive influence of fringe cults and their disregard for traditional values.
Vorwärts
Munich Mayor Walks Tightrope on Dachau "Miracle Worker"
Munich, June 14th, 1919
Mayor Eduard Schmid finds himself in a curious bind regarding the "Axis Cult" headquartered in Dachau. Displays of their leader, "Aqua," possessing unorthodox healing abilities, are known by him and his party, but the public outcry from the city's more traditional elements makes a measured response crucial.
"There's no denying the desperation people are feeling after the war," Mayor Schmid stated. "If these…methods…offered some genuine solace or even recovery, then turning a blind eye to their plight completely wouldn't be right."
The mayor acknowledges the Cardinal's condemnation but emphasizes the need for a nuanced approach.
"However, outlandish claims and public theatrics only serve to inflame tensions," he continued. "We need to investigate these matters discreetly, ensuring public safety and separating fact from fiction."
Some people are already comparing Aqua and her archpriest Hitler to the late Rasputin of the former Russian Empire. Drawing upon unknown sources to heal incurable diseases.
Mayor Schmid highlights his intention to work with local medical professionals to assess any potential medical explanations behind Aqua's supposed healing. He emphasizes the importance of upholding scientific scrutiny while acknowledging the very real suffering many residents are experiencing.
"Munich needs unity, not further division," the mayor concluded. "We'll approach this situation cautiously, with empathy and a commitment to the truth."
Mayor Schmid, however, implores the Archpriest Adolf Hitler to tone down his Homosexual and Transvestite-loving rhetoric and focus on his art, as well as his healing capabilities.
Mayor Schmid faces criticism for his actions, which led to Aqua and the Axis cult taking over the abandoned Dachau Palace, but Minister-President Kurt Eisner defends the Mayor's actions, citing the importance of rewarding civic duty.
Aqua was rumored to have healed Minister President Eisner after an assassination attempt earlier this year.
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(Canon) Omake: Heaven in uproar
"Who had the genius idea of letting Aqua have full reign over that world? There was a reason why we had a ban on Gods and Goddesses visiting that Earth since 1850; remember when that poor man believed he was Jesus' brother just because he had a few drinks too many with Jesus and Buddha in China?" Obatala said as he ironically drank from the rare remaining stock of Jesus and Aqua's Holy wine.
Jesus, Buddha, and now Aqua were all missing, while other Gods and Goddesses have their vacations in one world or another; some worlds are far more difficult to visit, especially with an ongoing ban, like Aqua's current world.
Jesus and Buddha went on an unannounced vacation, only leaving a note behind at Aqua's office under a few cases of wine.
"Who are you to judge people for their drunken actions? You forgot to make your planets because you were too drunk!" Zeus said at the other side of the table.
"Does Aqua even know who she's working with? In many universes, that man becomes one of the most hated people in the 20th century." Kanaloa barked a laugh as he heard of Aqua's choice representative.
"All water gods and goddesses are stupid; all they have in their heads is water!" Obatala drunkenly slurred.
"Take that back, you drunken idiot!"
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In another cafe,
"Why did Aqua Senpai have to accept that stupid job? Being X was already getting mocked for his poor performance in another world, and she was so concerned about beating a minor God that she's wasting a lot of time fighting the inevitable rise of atheism." Eris ranted to her friends.
"Athena played her like a fool; you know Aqua never pays attention to those large meetings. You know what they say about water gods and goddesses." Loki snorted in barely conceived laughter.
"Why are you even friends with Eris when you don't like water at all?" Angelos defended her sister's boss.
"Well, someone needs to teach Eris how to use her inner knack for chaos sometimes. I don't even know how Aqua turned you into lawful chaotic good." Loki laughed as he munched on some chocolates.
"Although, it seems that Aqua herself is causing more chaos than she is solving. What a funny thing to watch." Loki continued.
"But why him? Out of all the possible people Aqua could've used to fight atheism, why choose that idiot?" Eris was still very annoyed at her well-meaning but admittedly easily distracted boss.
"Because only an idiot would worship Aqua!" Loki said before he got hit by a stale baguette that Angelos held.
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Author's Notes:
This is Aqua before she met Kazuma, and this plays a part in her character development (or the lack of it without Kazuma around).
Hitler supposedly got a "revelation" while he was recovering from his gas-induced injuries after World War I. The priest who appeared in the scene told him Germany lost, and that's where he got into his rage-induced vision and his temporary blindness; Aqua changed history at this point.
Feldherrnhalle is where the Ball hall Putsch happened IRL. Hofbräuhaus is a legendary (and old) brewery in Munich.
Aqua and Hitler accidentally prolonged the People's State of Bavaria lifespan
Yup, Aqua and Hitler now live in the Dachau Palace, and eventually, enough Germans and people around the world will notice they're not just a bunch of fancy charlatans with "insane morals."
Warmer Bruder translates to "Warm brother," a slang used to describe gay men in the era, while Transvestit is a broad term used to describe trans/queer people that Hirschfeld used during Weimar Germany. Hirschfeld was one of the most prominent LGBTQ+ activists of the era, although he was originally known to exclude effeminate men and prostitutes because it "ruined their image." Feminists and Gays allied early on in Weimar Germany.
Schwuchtel is another derogatory term for a gay man.
The Bolshevik Disease was another term for the Spanish flu, back when some people also assumed the flu came from Communist Russia rather than Spain. It was a matter of which way you leaned politically.
Hirschfeld did a lot of controversial things, too, in his quest to promote gay rights, but it was radical and revolutionary for his time, such as outing gay military officers and lawmakers to force them to approve of gay rights, all the way to his hilarious (in hindsight) stereotype that British men are the group most likely to be homosexual. Read up about the Eulenberg/Von Moltke affair if you want some historical tragic comedy. He tried to stand up for women's rights for abortion (and even just the mere right to talk about sex, which was crude and taboo for women at the time).
Don't expect me to use 21st-century language in dealing with LGBT, Trans issues, and the like; it would be very anachronistic even in a story where Hitler becomes an LGBT activist. Hirschfeld himself didn't even coin transsexuals until the 1920s, which, in this case, gets overridden by the "Toransu" of Aqua. Only Aqua would have any idea of 21st-century language, and she's an unreliable source, as you can see with the Traps.
Paragraph 175 was a provision in the German Criminal code from 1871 to 1994, which criminalized male-to-male sexual activities and put it on the same level as bestiality and pedophilia.
Ironically, Hirschfeld and his LGBT movement are now based in what should've been the Dachau concentration camp.
Germans (and likely many people of the time) thought that Homosexuality was a transmissible disease.
Homosexuelle Abteilung or HoSo is this timelines version of the SA or the Sturmabteilung, Hitler's brownshirts under a Gay Nazi, Ernst Röhm, whose closeness to Hitler led to many rumors that Hitler was secretly gay. He was eventually executed once his usefulness ran out and his liabilities to Hitler outweighed his benefits.
Dora Richter is the first documented Transwoman who underwent a sex-change surgery, cutting off their testicles in 1922. In this case, Aqua did a conditional transformation to allow Dora to be a full Biological female, but under certain conditions. Also, the tattoo isn't gonna come off, and Aqua doesn't think about the future complications of marking transwomen with a blatant Axis cult tattoo on their forehead as part of the ritual to change their gender.
A Toransu is just how "Trap" sounds in Japanese. In English manga/anime fandom, a trap is a character who appears to be female but is revealed to be male.
Keep in mind, the news AND Aqua's perspective are both warped.
Münchner Neueste Nachrichten (MNN) is a conservative news outlet that was established in the mid-19th century. The Freikorps are illegal in Bavaria, but there's no real means for the fragile socialist government to control publications when they barely control the country.
Augsburger Postzeitung is another multiple-century-old conservative publishing house that voices the reaction of the Catholics in the region.
Vörwarts is the national SPD publication, which is still extant in this timeline even though Bavaria is currently "independent."
Excerpts and references from
Konosuba LN 1
A ton of google searches that I'm too tired to reference since I'm not writing a research paper anyway.