Disclaimer: All songs and known work is the property of the artists and producers who made them. I just am thankfully granted to play with them. All the songs listed are by amazing singers and performers whose music moved me enough to write this story. So all respect for them and their hard work.

A/N: This story is written as a song fic. The songs help the subcontext of the story and are required to at least play in the background for each chapter. The very first chapter is written out as you listen to the song. I personally have to stop at each set of lyrics and read what is being said. You will understand once you get there. The rest of the chapters can either be listened to as the lyrics show up (which is listed all at once) or you can just set it to repeat in the background. I personally listen to it with the lyrics as each song was specifically picked for the chapter it appears in and specifically at the spot it appears. Thank you for stopping in and as always, happy reading.

So I know it's been a while since I last posted a story and my health has tanked since my last update. I appreciate all the support and requests I have gotten from my readers on my other stories. The comments always brighten my day and I am still getting new fans which also makes me smile. You all have not been forgotten. I just haven't been able to write much. So a brief update on me and my health for those who care. If you don't, you may skip the rest of this author's note and move on to the story.

So I have been diagnosed with Post concussion syndrome from having over 40+ concussions in the last 25 years. February 8, 2022 I fell out of my bed and lost my memories. The only things I could remember was my personal medical information. I didn't even remember how to read or type. So I have come a long way and I started this last year. It is complete as of right now, but I may choose to write more in it later. Or just do a sequel. As I have been struggling with my other ones, feel free to follow this story, and all my other ones, for updates on what's next for them. I am doing better now but I still struggle everyday with processing my thoughts and everything that I receive into my brain every day. Thank you for your patience. Happy reading!

Sheldon was sitting at his computer in his office at work. It had been a pretty normal day as days went. He worked on his current project and even made some progress. It was Wednesday and as such he was looking forward to his new comics that were waiting for him at Stewart's shop. Last week's editions to his collection left him with... well as Penny would put it, a sour taste in his mouth. His beloved comics had for once failed him on his weekly satisfaction of something new to distract and restart his mental thoughts. They had ended on a horrible written concoction called a cliffhanger. Now he was plagued by this unsettling feeling that only his new comics will help him settle this unfortunate setback. Lunch had been normal with the boys and even slightly pleasant. Neither Leslie nor Kripke had bothered them with their presence.

Sheldon got a bing on his computer but he decided to ignore it until he finished his current thought pattern. He was working on a possible new connection to the monopoles he had investigated in the disaster trip in the Arctic. He was close to figuring out where his equipment, calculations, and equations had failed. The problem was that he was growing increasingly frustrated as his computer kept beeping to remind him of his email he had still yet to check. This impending feeling of doom was steadily increasing but he couldn't understand why. There were no issues with his equations now and yet the feeling won't go away. He checked and rechecked everything. Growing increasingly impatient with each passing minute.

Finally he growled, stormed over to his computer and opened the email so the infuriating beeping would stop. He was about to reply with a scathing comment about interrupting his work day when the contents in the email actually registered to him through all the equations. He took a deep breath and reread the email. The growing sense of impending doom grew at a very rapid pace.

Dear Sheldon,

I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I don't care about you. I love you with everything I am and with every cell in my body. And I know you love me as well even if you don't want to or can't tell me. You know me and know I will always be here for you if you ever need me. You know where I am and how to find me. I will miss you with every breath I take and I want you to know I am not leaving you exactly. I am heading home because I can't stay here anymore. It just hurts way too much to be able to stay. I know you may not understand, so I included a link to a video to help you understand. This is me signing to you. But I want you to think about your life and everyone in it. I want you to think… about what everyone means to you and how you feel about them. I just want you to take your beautiful mind and focus all that considerable mind power on this. I love you. That will never change. Please promise me you will take care of yourself, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. I will never be able to forgive myself if something happens to you. Oh and Sheldon? You will prove String Theory. You will win the Nobel Prize. I believe in you, Sheldon.

Sheldon had to read the contents of the email several times before he finally understood what he was seeing. His hands shook as he looked at the address that sent the email. Oddly it was Raj's email. "That can't be right," he thought to himself. He next checked the subject of the email. I was asked to send this to you. "Okay now that makes sense. But by who?" Sheldon muttered out loud.

Sheldon checked the details and computer codes of the email trying to determine who could have possibly sent the email to Raj. All it showed was a direct email from Raj to Sheldon. So he must have hand typed everything from the original email and got the link for the song from his own account or files. Sheldon's bad feeling grew to the point he was almost panicking. He tried calling Raj first. No answer. He left a voicemail, an email, and a text message asking Raj to call him immediately and tell him who asked him to send the email. He called Leonard next and again he got a voicemail, and all other types of communication came up empty. Howard, Bernedette, even Stewart were all the same. So he called his mother. Her quick response of "Hello Shelly, listen to the song" was all he got before she hung up just as quickly.

He sat down after pacing for over an hour while trying to get ahold of someone and finally clicked on the link. As his office filled with music he did as the email asked and thought about his life, friends, and family. Years of pain, humiliation, sorrow, worry, and fear passed before his eyes. Yes there was some happiness but it was small compared to the rest. Childhood flew into highschool and college. Graduate school, doctorates, Germany, second doctorates, and moving to Pasadena all moved through quickly. The pain of being alone. Of not being understood. Having no friends. Colleagues using him to help their own careers. The fawning over him for his brain and how it can help them yet ignoring the person it's attached to. The lack of respect from those who can't use him. It all played like a movie in his brain. He had to restart the song again having not heard the lyrics the first time.

Sheldon felt tears form and fall as the lyrics of the song hit him like a ton of bricks. The throaty voice filled the room with its melancholy tone. He knew this song but never really thought about what the words meant. What the message the singer was trying to convey.

" When the rain is blowing in your face.

And the whole world is on your case.

I could offer you a warm embrace.

To make you feel my love. "

Sheldon's mind suddenly stopped swirling with memories. It settled on an image of Penny when he saw her the first time. Her beautiful expressive eyes. Her long straight blonde hair. Her short shorts showcasing her beautiful long legs. The nervousness she tried to hide. The pain behind those eyes. Her smile and her voice were overly cheerful. That first hug she gave him.

"When the evening shadows and the stars appear.

And there is no one to dry your tears.

I could hold you for a million years.

To make you feel my love."

Memories continued to play in response to the song. Soft kitty, vapor rub, soup with stars, and kind attentiveness. Kind, compassionate, green eyes that showed deep emotions. A soft gentle smile. All mixed up and out of order but all were of Penny.

"I know you haven't made up your mind yet.

But I would never do you wrong."

Arctic trip with the boys. Life altering pain. Deep seated betrayal. The guys' death plots. Savatage. Humiliation. Penny's sorrow filled voice. Hot tears shed for his pain.

"I've known it from the moment that we met.

No doubt in my mind where you belong."

Whiteboards. Penny's awestruck admiration. Beautiful mind genius guy. Teaching Penny physics. Hearing and seeing her interest. Friendship without a contract. Trust.

"I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue.

I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

To make you feel my love."

Instrumental interlude

Saturnalia gifts. Leonard Nemoy Napkin. Leaving work because he needed her. Stealing wifi, food, and his milk for her coffee. Not knocking, freeloading, no food in her fridge. Double shifts just to pay rent. Patience with him. Driving him without being obligated to. Unconditional support. Sheldor the Conqueror, Queen Penelope. Playing age of conan. Asking for help.

"The storms are raging on the rolling sea.

And on the highway of regret.

Through wind of change are throwing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet."

Arguing. Ruined laundry night. Touching his food. Passion. Defiance. Not willing to buckle under. Challenging him. Pushing him to be better. Afraid to want more. Pushing her away.

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you.

To make you feel my love."

Errands. Illness. Company. Compassion. Standing up to him and for him. Non-judgmentalness. Adjusting her lifestyle to fit in his routines. Understanding why he needs them. Not asking him to change. Always there even when others aren't. New experiences. New memories. Love in her eyes. Pain from his comments. Drinking more. Calling on him to be her hero. Showing complete trust.

"To make you feel my love."

Her smile. Her passion. Her loving eyes. Her compassion. Her presence. Her drinking more. Being around less. Her pain. Her loneliness. Her pulling away.

His mind swirled for what felt like hours. He began the song again as he really paid attention to those memories of Penny. How much she tried to show him when her words failed. How much he noticed but ignored. How much pain she was in but tried to hide. Her spot was always next to him and how at peace he felt. His emptiness when she wasn't there. Her growing distance. Her watery smile just last night. Her hesitancy to say something important. The tears in her eyes.

Over and over his mind played the images and emotions they invoked as the song repeated on a loop. His anxiety grew as the tears fell harder and in more abundance. His laptop lost power just as the last of the notes played once again. He imagined what his life would be like if she married Leonard. What life without Penny would be like. If she was no longer his friend. His heart broke at the thought. As the music notes finally died off, and silence reigned in his office again, Sheldon couldn't deny it anymore.

"Penny!" he gasped out loud as his brain accepted what his heart has known since day one. He knew this was a message from Penny. He didn't know how but for once he did not question it. He couldn't let her leave without knowing how he felt. Not without telling her what she means to him. He grabbed his satchel and he raced out of his office and straight to the bus stop. He didn't know where he would find her. He had not one clue as to where she would be. But for the first time in his life, he let his heart lead him instead of his mind. He wrote as he rode the bus to where she was. He didn't notice he wasn't strapped in. He didn't notice the germs, the passengers, or even where he was going. He just poured his heart out into the video he worked on sending her.