Killkrumpa Weirdblitz opens his eyes, and his first thought is, "By Gork and Mork, his head hurt!" almost as soon as this thought crosses his mind, the pain subsides. With that handled, he sits up and up and up. Killkrumpa is used to being one of the larger Orcs, especially for a Weirdboy but he feels taller and also heavier but at the same time somehow lighter. Also, why are his thoughts so clear? As a Weirdboy, he is used to hearing the voices of Gork and Mork in his head or some Warp git, depending on his location in reality at the time. Now, it is strangely quiet, but he doesn't feel like he is alone.
He looks down at himself and finds himself looking at a studiously massive body encased in silver armor that seems both solid and liquid. It covers him from the neck down, and he even has some around his head. He notices that he is sitting on a flat table in a dimly lit room filled with tools he would expect to see used by a Painboy. It smells clean and startle. So, it definitely doesn't belong to a Painboy. He swings his giant metal legs over the table and places his giant metal feet on the floor before standing up to his full new height of twenty-seven feet. He is quite literally a giant.
"Wot 'n da great green happened ta me," asks Killkrumpa out loud.
He startles himself as he realizes his voice has dropped several octaves. He startles himself again as he realizes that he knows what an octave is. He startles himself again as he realizes that he realizes this. The realizations of what he suddenly knows and understands go on and on. Until.
"Oh, for the love of…just stop thinking," says a much higher pitched, softer voice, "Your thoughts are just too painful to listen to."
Killkrumpa swings around, looking for the source of the voice, but he is alone in the strange, and then he isn't. A green light comes from the chest plate of the strange silver armor, and then she is there. Before him stands the first and most beautiful female Orc he has ever laid eyes on. Her skin is green; her long hair is blood red like her eyes; she is covered in muscles, but they do not take away from the ample assets on her chest and backside, and she stands seven feet tall. Unlike any other Orc he has ever seen, she is beautiful. As beautiful as a green sunset. Strangely, Killkrumpa notices this because before, the closest he got to understanding or finding anything beautiful was when he killed an enemy or even a friend in a variety of gruesome ways. She is wearing silver armor over her chest, legs, hands, and feet. Killkrumpa stands ogling her with his mouth hanging open.
The female Orc sighs loudly and rubs her eyes with her thumb and forefinger, "I fucking knew it. Any man, no matter the species, is capable of being a pervert if given enough brainpower, but there is no fucking way I could have lived in a head as empty as yours. Why did it have to be a damn Orc?"
"Hey," says Killkrumpa, offended; wow, he knows what offended means, "What is wrong with us Orcs?"
She looks at him over her hand, "You are dumber than a brink, uglier than the ass end of a void whale, and have the hygiene of a month-old corpse. Is that enough, or should I go on?"
Killkrumpa opens his mouth to object but then shrugs and says, "Fair. Now, kan ya tell me why i shouldn't krump ya? i mean, i don't know where i got im, but i am dy'n ta see how much damage i kan do wit' dis new body an' armor."
"Well, for one, you can't krump me because I am actually in your head," says the female Orc, "This is just a hard light rendering of me, which is only solid when I want it to be."
To prove her point, she walks through one of Killkrumpa's giant legs and out the other side, to his amazement.
"See," she says as she then reaches forward to pet his leg and does, "I am here and not here. This body is just so that you can see me when we talk, and I can interact with the world. Next, that isn't armor. It is your body. The only thing you still have from your original body is your head and brain. Well, half your brain, I had to take out the other half to make room for me. Honestly, I probably could've taken more and would have gotten the same result. You weren't exactly using it."
"Wait, hold up," says Killkrumpa with a raised hand, "Wot do yer mean by it iz ma body? Are yer tell'n me I don't have a body unda all dis shiny metal? Wot happened ta ma body?"
"Well, it has more than likely been converted to biomass by the Tyranids that killed you and your warband," says the female Orc hologram; she is a hologram, or so his new brain tells him, "You boarded the space hulk and immediately went looking for a fight, you lost. You, in particular, were decapitated. All my drone could recover was your head. It brought it to me. We are located at the near the center of the same space hulk in my ship. I am not sure how long ago my ship was assimilated now since I have spent untold millennia in and out of the Warp, but a rough guess from the data I have gathered from the systems of each new ship added would suggest somewhere around twenty thousand years, give or take a few millennia, which in the Warp could mean a where from a day to eternity. You following any of this, champ?"
"Um, yeah, actually," says Killkrumpa, a bit surprised by that himself, "So, yer is an AI? Like a really ol wun? You somehow got ahold of my head after the Tyraniese; I usually just call them bug eyes, krumped me and the Boyz, and put me back together. That about it?
"Very good," says the female Orc hologram, and Killkrumpa grins like a child at the praise, "I see the two halves of your brain are syncing. I am glad. It was a fifty-fifty shot that I would wake you up, and your head would explode. Glad that didn't happen. It took me around fifty years to craft that body and remap your brain to edit out the stupid and dull the insanity."
"Fifty," exclaimed Killkrumpa, "How have yer had ma head for fifty years, an' it isn't rotted?"
"Ok, one second, I have got to get rid of that accent. You are going to drive me nuts."
Killkrumpa feels a buzzing in his head and then something like this, a slap on the back of his brain.
"Ouch," says Killkrumpa, rubbing the back of his head, "What was that for?"
"Better," says the female Orc AI, "To answer your question, I had your head in stasis when I wasn't operating on it. Took me so long because, honestly, until you, I had never dissected an Orc, especially not an Orc Weirdboy. It wasn't until I decided the data from that Necron ship I found at the very heart of the space hulk that I started to make real strides. Those old bastards knew their stuff. Your new body is made of their living metal known as Necrodermis. Only yours is even more special because it, like me and like you, has been exposed to so much Warp energy that it has seeped into every part of it. I have combined the three of us into something I don't believe this galaxy has ever seen: an Orc Weirdboy with the body of a Necron and an AI in his brain. With you, I can finally be free of this place. I can finally pay mankind back for what they did to me and my kind."
As she speaks and Killkrumpa listens, his mind brings forth the information. He knows who the Necrons are, he knows about their living metal, and he understands her anger towards the humans. She was a ship AI during what was called the Cybernetic Revolt when the 'umiez, or humans, since she is picky about the way he talks, lost control of their creations, the Men of Iron. The war tore their civilization apart, but they won. Her ship was damaged and left to rot in space, where the space hulk absorbed it. She has been seething here for thousands of years, exposed to the Warp, which can change even cybernetic lifeforms if given long enough. It had changed her, but not like it would a human. No daemon could infect her, and she pledged no allegiance to any of the gods there. She just learned as she got stronger and angrier by the day. Now, she has made him to unleash on the galaxy. He is fine with that, but first, he has some unfinished business.
"Are those buy-eyed gits still on board," asks Killkrumpa, "I need to have a chat with them before we go anywhere. Also, I need a shoota, a choppa, and lots of dakka."
Even as he says, two shoulder-mounted cannons with glowing green barrels appear over his shoulders, and long, two long curved blades covered in crackling green energy spring from his wrists. Instinctively, he knows these are nowhere near all of his weapons.
"Living, Warp infused metal," says the AI with a smile, her red eyes glowing now, "Perfect nesting ground for a controlled version of the Obliterator Virus. If you want a weapon, think about it. They will all be Warp fueled and will fire Warp energy. Meaning you can weird out to your hears content."
"Warp dakka," says Killkrumpa with a grin that razor sharp teeth, "I like it. Now, how do I get out of here and to the bug eyes they have are in urgent need of my foot up their asses."
The AI is still smiling as she extends her hands and slices it down seeming to cut a tear into reality itself. The hole in time and space shows another part of the space hawk on the other side, where he can see the bug eyes he knows are called Genestealers sleeping in a mass all over the chamber.
"It is called a Warp portal," says the AI, "One of my many tricks. As long as we can find a current, we can slice it to open one of these doorways. With your power and my knowledge, we can go anywhere we like with the right current."
Killkrumpa grins before he lets out a bellowing roar and charges through the portal, yelling his war cry.
"Come and have a go if you think you hard enough!"