Jeha's Perspective
Yurgir's neck was too thick for Jeha's blade to cut through. It was like taking a swing at a tree trunk, all it could do was scar the surface as it barely sunk in. Wyll was the experienced monster hunter, he tugged Yurgir's horns toward himself, forcing the unconscious body to budge and the head to crane upward to further expose the neck. Jeha raised her sword, distancing the space between her hands on the grip so she could have more control. She brought the sword down with all the might she could muster after the arduous battle. Instead of a clean slice the blade chopped down enough to snap some of the bones, but not pierce through the skin nearly deep enough. Some blood spewed out, spraying directly on Jeha's face.
"Tas'ki! A pathetic attempt, we are wasting time." Lae'zel hissed.
Jeha wiped the blood away from her eyes with her forearm, groaning internally at Lae'zel's words, though she knew she was right. Wyll offered her a rag which she gratefully accepted, wiping away enough blood so she could visibly continue.
"I think I'm too weak to do this… maybe we should just deliver him like this to Raphael. He's still alive somehow." Jeha panted, exhaustion weighing heavy behind her eyelids.
The thought of attempting to cut again, this time slicing a little further so the head to fully detach as she sawed through bones and tendons made her stomach feel queasy.
"I think Raphael might prefer him alive, if not we can finish this at camp." Wyll suggested.
She glanced over her shoulder at Astarion, who was observing from afar, watching the perimeter for any more Merregon Legionnaire. She gestured to him, pointing at Yurgir's bleeding and unconscious body. Despite how drained she was, she smiled wildly at him, a bit crazed from the adrenaline of battle and the hint of bloodlust from the defeat of an enemy. Astarion only returned her wide smile with a small one before he broke eye contact with her, glancing back to where he was watching.
Jeha deflated, expecting him to be thrilled with their achievement. This is what Raphael had wanted, his old enemy defeated so he could fulfil his end of the bargain, so Astarion can finally learn about the Infernal Pact carved into his back.
Astarion had been distant and irate lately, the two of them estranged as Jeha fought within herself what the two of them could possibly be to each other. She did her best to mask her hurt, disguising her mood shift as the four of them returned to camp with Yurgir.
Currently she felt like whatever she did wasn't enough.
Back at camp, Jeha left Yurgir beside the campfire, and immediately went to a secluded region to undress from her bloodied armor, dodging questions, and comments from her companions. With a pail of water and some rags, she started to clean off her armor before she washed her own body. Water was scarce in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, at least until they returned to the Last Light Inn, so she did her best not to be wasteful.
"My, my, look at you, so preoccupied in your own narrow-mindedness you didn't realize I was already at your camp."
Jeha jumped up, whirling around to see Raphael standing behind her in his human form, his eyes downcast as he disinterestedly inspected his nails. Only in her underwear, she covered her exposed breasts with her arms.
"Raphael, why would you-" She shrieked shrilly at him.
"Now, now, calm down, I am merely here to congratulate your success and keep my end of the bargain, not to steal a glimpse of your bosom." He scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. "As ample as they may be, I am not interested," he added, a cunning grin spreading on his face.
Heat radiated from Jeha's cheeks; she wanted nothing more than to Dimension Door herself away from here. He barked a laugh, clearly entertained by her reaction to his playful torment.
"You tieflings are such amusing creatures, we're nearly close enough to be kin and yet you're completely engrossed and tied to humans and their concepts of shame." Raphael continued to gibe. "Defeating Yurgir was no easy feat, and yet you completed the task with such conviction. Very impressive."
"I didn't do it for you, I did it for Astarion." She clipped.
"Ah. So quick to decide where your loyalties lie, or perhaps you're just easily prone to seduction."
Jeha glared at him, unsure of what else to do. Astarion rounded the corner, his eyes widening at the sight of the two of them conversing, but then focused his attention on Raphael.
"We delivered the devil. Now I want what I'm owed – we had a deal." Astarion interrupted.
"Indeed, we did. I discovered all there is to know about those scars of yours – it's a rather grim tale, even for my tastes." Raphael chuckled, placing a hand on his chest in feigned dismay.
"Just tell us, please." Jeha interjected, her patience with his presence growing thin.
"As you wish. Brace yourself, Astarion – we're about to unveil your destiny: Carved into that ivory skin of yours is one part of an infernal contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles and your former master, Cazador Szarr. In full, the contract states that Cazador will be granted knowledge of an infernal ritual so vile it has never been performed." Raphel's face distorted with the last bit of information delivered at the thought of the ritual.
"The right of profane Ascension," he continued, "it promises to be a marvelous ceremony. Very elaborate, incredibly ancient, and entirely diabolical. If he completes the rite, he will become a new kind of beging – the Vampire Ascendant. All the strengths of his vampiric form will be amplified, and alongside them he will enjoy the luxuries of the living."
Raphael turned his attention to Jeha to toy with her further. "The arousals and appetites of man will return to him, and unlike Astarion, he will not need a parasite to protect him from the sun."
Jeha scowled at him as he returned his attention to Astarion.
"But the ritual has its price, as all worthwhile things do. Lord Cazador will need to sacrifice a number of souls, including all of his vampiric spawn, if he is to ascend. Imagine how he felt, then, when one of those precious spawn simply disappeared into thin air. The only missing ingredient is Astarion. You are the final piece he requires to complete the ritual – your scars bind you to it. Your soul will set off a very wave of death, bringing Cazador his twisted life." He sighed, almost blissfully.
"And that my tragic and toothsome friend, is that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have business elsewhere." He snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash of smoke and light without further explanation.
Now that the devil was gone Jeha dropped her guard, lowering her arms to her sides as she exchanged a glance with Astarion. He hummed in thought, bringing his hand to his chin as he thought over everything Raphael had explained. She was perplexed by his reaction to such staggering information.
"After all that, all you can say is 'hmm?' All I know is Cazador is a monster that needs to be destroyed," Jeha stated firmly.
"I was contemplating, it's a lot to take in." Astarion retorted. "What do you think I should do?" He questioned, his tone softening at the realization of how harsh he sounded.
"Why ask me?" Jeha mumbled.
Astarion's eyebrows rose in surprise by her tone. She wasn't one to be snippy or irritable. With a huff she squatted back onto the ground where her armor lay and continued to rinse it with the rags, ignoring the feeling of being exposed before him as much as it made her heart hammer in her chest.
Jeha sighed, giving him her answer at last: "We can't let Cazador complete the ritual, he could unleash terrible horrors."
"The end of my life among them, just when I was starting to enjoy it. He'll never leave me alone. I didn't think he would when I was just one more wretched toy for him to play with. But if I'm the key to this power he craves, he'll hunt me to the ends of Faerûn." Astarion leaned in, adding emphasis. "I need to take the fight to him," he lowered his gaze, "and I need you to help me."
Jeha peered up toward him, his eyes were practically pleading. It seemed that he wanted to say something else, but he held his tongue, waiting for her answer. She knew she couldn't refuse him, she didn't want to say no, she wanted to free him from Cazador more than she wanted to get out of the Shadow-Cursed Lands.
"Of course I'll help you, you shouldn't doubt me at this point." Jeha rose from her position holding her armor."Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish doing this so I can get some sleep. I suggest you do the same, the Gauntlet of Shar is going to be tedious and Shadowheart needs us at our best."
Astarion's perspective
Astarion thanked her after contemplating his words carefully. Jeha wasn't acting like herself, and her dismissal of him proved extremely out of character. Puzzled and a bit wounded, he retreated toward his tent, obeying her wishes to be left alone.
Something stirred within him, a sentiment that he had thought had died with him in his old life. His sluggish heart would flutter with admiration whenever he looked upon her; whenever he stood by her side, he couldn't help but steal glimpses in her direction.
It concerned him how natural this felt; he did everything in his willpower to bury the feelings, but all his attempts had failed miserably.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be; this isn't how he had planned or predicted that these events would play out. She shouldn't be consuming his thoughts this much, he shouldn't be relying on her beyond the needs of the unity of their group to the extent that he had, he shouldn't have to physically distance himself because he could feel himself getting too attached. He realized now that his actions of secluding himself had inevitably hurt Jeha somehow, which he felt a bit guilty for. Her interest in him was one he couldn't see being beyond lust, he wanted to inquire more than anything if there was the possibility of something more, but his own self doubt held him back.
His longing to speak to her made his spirit restless, still debating as he laid his head down on his bedroll an hour later. Her bedroll was close to his, he silently watched her as she slept, her chest rising and falling, one of her hands curled up by her head, her other draped across her stomach.
He closed his eyes, sighing heavily. "What in the hells is wrong with you?" He whispered harshly to himself.
Astarion knew he couldn't conceal this much longer; he was going to have to confess to her soon. He needed to get this burden off his shoulders before it hindered anything else.
Two days later
They had successfully scouted Moonrise Towers without the cultists becoming suspicious of their true intentions.
The Absolute worshippers were even more demented than he expected, especially this dreadful alchemist drow who had tried to persuade himself and Jeha into having him bite her. Despite losing out on a special potion that could aid them in the upcoming battle with Ketheric Thorm, Jeha had swiftly and fiercely defended him and honored his consent against the drow.
The action made Astarion's heart stir, something that was recently becoming a nuisance that he couldn't keep ignoring.
Bruised and battered, they had managed to return with the tiefling prisoners and the Ironhand Gnomes. Everything had been going smoothly before they stumbled upon the prison. Jeha's insatiable curiosity had consumed her better judgment. One of the walls of the tower was coated in some strange, fleshy webbing. Rustling noises echoed from behind the obstruction; there was something big behind these walls. Astarion watched her investigate by reaching her arm inside – he had no idea why she made such dim decisions sometimes. Predictably, she was violently pulled inside. Even with Halsin and Gale's assistance, the three of them could not pull her out without all getting sucked in themselves. The action had injured her arm, dislocating her shoulder from the socket. The discovery that the Absolute was what lived under the surface of the towers, and the discovery of one of the entrances to the prison had been helpful information, but the cost had been more than he would have liked to see Jeha give.
Now back at the crowded inn, Jeha sat on one of the benches as she gingerly favored her arm. Jaheira pressed against Jeha's back, stabilizing her as Halsin kneeled before her, placing his hands on her wrist and forearm as he prepared to reset it.
Astarion watched from a few paces back, observing how worn she looked. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she took deep breaths, speaking inaudibly to Halsin. She was trying and failing to keep her expression neutral.
Halsin moved in a quick motion that Astarion could hardly see from his angle, but he heard the audible pop followed by a sharp yelp from Jeha. She gritted her teeth, clenching her free hand as she groaned in pain. She leaned into Halsin for support, her head fully resting in the crook of his neck.
Jaheira cast a healing spell on her, patting her back as she sternly coaxed her to sit up.
Astarion couldn't help but envy them, they displayed and gave affection so easily. Watching her writhe in pain, her face straining in discomfort, made him feel terrible, but he wouldn't have been able to bring himself to physically comfort her no matter how much he wanted to. He debated whether he should approach her now or wait until they had some privacy later.
Seeing how the other companions swarmed around her, he decided to wait.
Jeha's perspective
The hot stones placed in the tub had long begun to lose their heat, but Jeha was unwilling to depart from the water just yet. Scoping out Moonrise Towers had given her a lot to consider, Ketheric Thorm was going to be a worthy opponent – one many had deemed impossible to defeat.
But yesterday Dame Aylin was spared and freed, and Balthazar was slain, and Shadowheart turned her back against Shar.
Memories of the battle washed over her like the bath water that engulfed her. She had channeled her ki and struck him at the center of his chest, propelling him off the platform to freefall to his death. The necromancer's shocked expression as he stared up in desperation at Jeha, his yellowed eyes locking onto hers. He was fearful, already dead but afraid for it to become permanent.
It felt exhilarating to beat such a strong opponent in battle, she could still feel small bursts from the rush of adrenaline she had gotten in that moment. Jittery, her mouth dry and tasting metallic, her muscles loosened – combat had made her feel good these past few days, better than she's felt in weeks.
Jeha wished for a moment that she had done the same to that dreadful winch Araj at Moonrise Towers today, but they would be returning soon to stop the cultists before taking on Thorm. As demented as it sounded, she knew she would relish particularly in the drow's slaughter. How she had treated Astarion enraged her, enough to where she was surprised by her own restraint.
I should've broken her jaw, she thought bitterly.
The tense thoughts made her shoulder throb in a dull pain. Jeha took a deep breath, centering herself and channeling her ki. She needed to focus on the upcoming few days, but more importantly she needed to focus on resting. She removed herself from the tub, drying herself off as she slipped on a thin, white nightgown she borrowed from Isobel.
She had an actual bed to sleep in tonight and a private room. Little things currently that she had looked forward to the most. As she undid her covers, soft knocking came from her room's door. She sighed in irritation, wanting nothing more than to ignore whoever was trying to stop her from sleeping. The exhaustion was starting to feel like a physical weight pressing down on her skin and bones, her shoulder ached and her body screamed in protest as she hurriedly made her way toward the door.
"What-" she snipped, before she could tell who it was.
Astarion withdrew his hand, surprised by her abrupt answer. All her irritably fled from her body at the sight of him, astonished that he'd even gone out of his way to seek her out. Her mind scrambled, trying to find the words to break the pregnant silence between them.
"Astarion, how can I help you?"
"Do you have a moment? I think we need to talk." He said, his tone cautious.
His statement made her feel anxious, her stomach churning at the thought of something being wrong. He looked saddened before her, compelling her mind to jump to the immediate worst-case scenario. Jeha opened the door further so he could enter without uttering a word, retreating further inward, waving him to follow her inside, faking a smile as he entered and closed the door behind him.
She watched him skulk inside, his eyes wandering around the room as if he was deep in thought.
"Are you all right?" She questioned.
"Oh yes, I'm fine," he replied quickly, "I just… feel awful." He sighed, taking a step closer to her, gesturing with his hands as if he was about to continue.
He peered into her eyes, steadying himself as she waited, her heart pounding in her throat.
"Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan – seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you'd never turn on me." He admitted, gesturing wildly with his hands as he chuckled humorlessly, the words rushing out quickly. "It was easy – instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in."
His brows furrowed, matching her own as she couldn't hold back her reaction to his words. 'Manipulate' and 'plan' rung out to her, making her chest hurt and her insides twist painfully.
"All you had to do was fall for it. And all I had to do was not fall for you…" He added, his voice trailing off attempting to smile but it failed. "Which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart." His voice was thick with emotion.
Jeha stilled, the world fading around her.
"You… you're incredible. You deserve something real; I want us to be something real." Astarion admitted.
Jeha's heart somersaulted, this time not because of anxiety but because of the magnitude of his confession. Despite her joy of requited feelings, she felt a pang of dejection stir within.
"Those nights we spent together; did they mean anything to you?" Jeha asked, her voice hushed and sad.
"Of course they did, that's the problem! Well, part of the problem." He immediately responded. "Being close to someone, any kind of intimacy, was something I performed to lure people back for him. Even though I know things between us are different, being with someone still feels… tainted. Still brings up those feelings of disgust and loathing." He struggled to get the last few words out, his voice choking up slightly. "I don't know how else to be with someone, no matter how much I'd like to."
Tears prickled in the corner of Jeha's eyes as she did her best to blink them away. She was too overcome with emotion and fatigue to keep holding back; her heart swelled with his touching confession but also broke with how hurt and damaged he was. She wiped her tears away hastily with her fingertips, seeing his forlorn expression through the bleariness.
"I care about you, Astarion, deeply. I have for a long time." She admitted, a melancholy but honest smile spreading on her face.
"Really?" He uttered back, surprised.
Jeha embraced him, pulling him into a gentle hug as she buried her face in his shoulder. She felt him eventually return her hug, his arms wrapping around her as his head nestled beside hers.
She wanted to remain like this forever, but the two of them drew back from each other.
"You're full of surprises, aren't you?" He mused.
Jeha could only smile at him.
"Honestly, I have no idea what we're doing, or what comes next. But I know that this…" Astarion began, pausing to offer his hand to hers.
She took it as he took a step closer, fully engulfing her hand with his other one. He peered into her eyes with such longing that she felt herself swoon.
"This is nice…" he concluded, keeping her hand clasped.
"Can I kiss you?" She practically blurted out, immediately clapping her free hand over her mouth in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, that was..."
"Of course you can," Astarion agreed, unable to hide his slight amusement from her clumsy words.
The two of them leaned into each other, his hand finding the side of her face as her arms gently held his sides. This kiss was different then that first night they had spent together at camp. It felt deeper, his lips pressed into hers more enthusiastically than before, his lips parting slightly. Jeha allowed herself to melt into the kiss fully, the world fading away around her.
For just a moment she forgot about all the troubles that surrounded them.
More notes about this fic can be found on my Tumblr (cchickki) and in depth author's notes on the ao3 version I originally published.