"The pain ripples through every fiber of my being as my body slams into the wall and lands with a horrible thump onto the wooden shelf they use as a bed. Varrish stares at me, his pale eyes filled with so much rage I can't believe they aren't burning right through me.
"Enough Varrish!" I hear Nolon cry through the small window in the doorway.
Varrish had called him down, what feels like hours ago but hadn't let him into the chamber. Nolon had been standing outside, listening, and watching for gods knows how long. Only one of my eyes will open fully, the other is a useless, swollen lump hanging off of my face. I can't even feel which bones are broken, which are intact. There's only pain. Across every inch of my body there's pain. I've screamed, yelled, cursed, but I haven't broken. I haven't spoken a word since this nightmare started and I don't plan on speaking any time soon. I can feel blood trickle down my brow and drip onto my chest, but I make no attempt to staunch the bleeding. I don't care. I would rather bleed out at this point than spend another minute with Varrish.
Varrish's chest is moving irregularly like he's barely containing his anger at this point if he's had any control over it to this point. He breathes out a sigh that turns into an almost maniacal laugh. "Fine Nolon, you win. We need another fresh start anyway"
Sweat beads his brow as he walks past me to the door to let Nolon in.
"Good as new Nolon" he says as he makes his way to what I can only assume are stairs. I let my eyelids fall closed and listen as Nolon's light footsteps cross the threshold and make their way towards where I lay. I can feel the wild angle that my arm is twisted at and know that I'm laying in a small pool of my own blood. Varrish broke my ribs hours ago and breathing has felt like a tortured chore since.
Nolon places a hand against my neck, feeling for a pulse, I guess.
"Oh Violet", he whispers. He sounds so different than I've ever heard him, almost… desperate. "Violet please. Please just tell us why, or at least who helped you. Whatever it is Violet, it isn't worth this. We can help you if you just tell us what you were doing in that library". Nolon's fingers reach for my dislocated shoulder, and I use my last ounce of energy to throw my head back towards his face. I make contact with a satisfying crunch of his nose against my skull, and I let my head fall unceremoniously against the wooden bench before utter and complete darkness takes over my mind.
Drip, drip drip. I don't open my eyes. It's the sound I've woken up to after every healing session, after every night, after every visit from Varrish. Time has no meaning in this chamber, and I can't bring myself to open my eyes and see that chair in the middle of the room, surrounded by my blood, the walls, splattered with it, the trail of blood that leads from the chair to this bed.
"Violet". I hear a quiet, uncertain voice beside me. "You're still here", I croak through my dry, cracked lips. I'd started seeing Liam in a pain-induced hallucination on what I think was the second day. He knows exactly what to say and exactly when to say it to make me feel human again, to give me even the smallest amount of hope. I let my eyes open and I'm staring into Liam's eyes.
I don't know what's different about today, but it feels… off. Something about today feels wrong and I can sense it in Liam. A single tear trickles down my cheek and I reach out for him. I place my hand on his shoulder, and it feels so damned real. I let myself fall into this false reality completely. I let myself believe that this is really Liam, he's here with me, keeping me sane through all of these days and nights with Varrish. Liam places his hand on top of mine, where it sits on his shoulder and lets his mouth turn in a half smile. "You did it Violet, another night. I am so proud of you". I feel another tear escape. "Liam, I can't do this any longer" I whimper. It feels so cold surrounded by these stone walls and as my strength depletes, it's like the air has less and less oxygen making each and every breath labored and painful. Despite Nolon's attempts at healing me, the continuous and repetitive damage by Varrish is making it nearly impossible for the sessions to have any lasting impact on my body. I haven't been 100% since… gods I don't even know when.
I can hear faint voices as they approach, their footfalls echoing off the stone.
"It's been 4 nights and 5 days, if she were going to tell us anything she would have", I hear Nolon's familiar worried tone.
"And if she wants it to end any time soon then she will answer my questions. Do you forget that this small indiscretion has put the entire continent at risk?" Varrish's voice cuts through the darkness like a knife.
"Liam", I whimper.
"Your body may be broken, but your mind is yours Violet, you can do this. You are stronger than you think". The way he looks at me, his eyes so sincere and so determined, I let my heart flutter for a second with hope before the door is kicked in.
Nolon walks in first, his gaze downcast, avoiding my eyes at all costs. Varrish has stayed outside, supplying Nora with some excuse to tell Emetterio and Devera for my absence the last 4 days of classes. Nolon shuffles forward quickly, his boots sending pebbles skittering across the stone. "Violet please", he begs. "Please Violet, I can't stop him, I can't dissuade him, you need to tell him why you needed that journal. Or at least tell him who helped you. Violet" he whines. I let my eyes lift to his and see pure, raw desperation in them. He's wrapped my numb hands in his and is squeezing so hard it hurts.
Before another word passes his lips, Varrish strides in. He's not wearing flight leathers, he's in a simple tunic and trousers. Something about the way he's dressed, how's he's walking, everything feels… off. My pulse jumps into my throat, and I know something isn't right.
"Out Nolon", Varrish orders from across the room. This time Nolon meets my gaze and doesn't let his eyes drop for a second.
"Violet please". He says loudly enough this time that Varrish hears.
"She's beyond reason Nolon, don't waste your breath. Violet and I have a special afternoon planned. I've gotten her excused from her studies and from what I've heard of Samara, Riorson is occupied with quite a large riot that's stalking their border". My breath hitches in my chest and a sense of panic that I haven't felt before in this room settles in. I've been clinging to the thought that Xaden was on his way to me. I've known, deep in my heart, that no matter what he says or how he acts, he cares about me. The logical choice would be to protect the revolution, the 107 who he's taken responsibility for. But my stupid, illogical heart has always hoped that he would walk through that door at any moment, destroying Varrish and sweeping me out of this hell. Away from the pain, the torture, the abuse. But as I look into the empty foyer, I feel my resolve and my will power slip. I won't tell Varrish anything. I won't risk the lives of those I care for and those that are fighting the rebellion, but I won't fight to keep my own life any longer.
"Out Nolon". Varrish commands again, his voice practically dripping in poison. Nolon squeezes my hands one last time before standing and backing towards the door. I watch as his boots step over the threshold, past the table that holds my daggers, and behind a wall that I imagine leads to a set of stairs. I look over to Liam and am met with such a gentle gaze that I let myself completely lose it. The tears won't stop coming as I hold Liam's beautiful stare. Varrish is against the far wall fussing with some hand restraints that dangle from the stone ceiling above.
"You can do this Violet", he whispers, I swear I can feel his breath against my cheek as he leans forward and says into my ear, "you are so much stronger than you think". I blink my eyes closed to shut off the tears and focus on my breathing. Varrish will not see me cry, I say to myself as I feel Liam's warmth move towards the center of the room. He can't help me during the interrogation, other than shouting words of encouragement, he can't stop Varrish, he can't protect me. No one can protect me. No one should have to, I think to myself.
"Once Varrish seems satisfied with the height of the hand restraints he turns to me, his demeanor completely and terrifyingly calm.
"Now, cadet Sorrengail, shall I give you another chance to tell the truth or shall we spend the afternoon bonding over our shared enthusiasm for your broken bones"?. I lift my head so I meet his eyes and I force a smile. I feel my bottom lip crack straight down the middle and let the blood fill my mouth before saying, "it would be my pleasure".
Hours. It felt like hours that he'd been hitting, slapping, beating me against the stone walls. I have no clue how much time has passed or if it's still the fifth day. He hasn't broken any bones which has almost been frustrating. It feels like he's holding back, waiting for something that I can't figure out. I haven't said a word since he lifted me off of the wooden bed and strapped me to the chair, alternating between the chair and various standing positions throughout the room. I know that it doesn't work, but as I've done every day, I reach out to Tairn. To Adarna. To Xaden. I feel nothing. Just the same, cold, emptiness that I've felt the last 5 days.
Varrish lets out an animalistic cry and shoves me to the ground, letting my head bounce against the stones like a pebble tossed across the river. "FINE!", he yells grabbing a handful of my hair, dragging me to my knees. He lifts one of my arms and hoists it to the arm restraints that he'd been adjusting earlier. Once my left wrist is tightened into the shackle, he lifts my other arm and secures it as well. I feel my feet dangle above the ground and let my head fall heavy between my shoulders.
I. Am. Done.
I look for Liam, but even my hallucination has left me here, to fend for myself. "As you wish Violet. I have given you every opportunity to tell me the truth. Riorson will be here soon so you and I are running out of this special time that we share just the two of us". Varrish steps closer, his lips pressing against the base of my neck so I can feel his breath against my ear. "I am done playing Sorrengail".
I feel him remove his belt against my lower back and shudder as his hands find the buttons of my flight leathers and undo them one slow, painful button at a time. My leathers fall to the floor followed by my dragon scale armor. I'm left in nothing but my training pants and a light tunic that does nothing to stop the cold air from biting at my skin and causing my entire body to vibrate from the chill.
"I believe we have your mother to thank for those decorative marks across Riorson's back", Varrish says whipping his belt through the air just shy of my rib cage, sending a gust of air against my practically bare skin. "Shall I give you matching ones". I can feel the smile that plays along his lips.
I don't answer. I resolve myself to what's going to happen next. I don't care if I die, if I bleed out on these cold, hard stones. I would rather have the last thing I see, be Varrish's smug face as my life slips away than know that I endangered Xaden or risked the entire rebellion. I breath out, close my eyes and brace myself just as the first sting of leather against skin sends stars across my vision.
I am raw. I can feel that my back is completely open, every inch of it torn apart by the leather of Varrish's belt. He's screaming in frustration with every crack of leather across my skin. I don't feel anything anymore, I'm practically reaching for death at this point, anything to make this pain end. "TELL ME!" He screams again, letting the belt fall to the ground.
I hear the door hinges squeak as it opens. The footsteps of multiple people fill the small room and I recognize Nora's voice first.
"My gods", she gasps. I hear my blood splattering against the floor before Varrish's face is in mine, his eyes feral with a rage. "TELL ME"! He screeches again this time grabbing my hips, sending my body spinning so my back is to him again. He doesn't use a belt this time. He punches the raw, bleeding flesh of my back making a sickening squelching sound as his hands makes contact over and over again. I hear the other infantry member, some man I've never met, vomit near the door, and see Nora cover her mouth with her hand and shut her eyes so she can't watch as the blood sprays from my back with each angry fist.
The edges of my vision have started to blur and my breathing is coming in ragged, tortured fits that wrack my entire body.
"We have a problem –" Nora starts before the chamber is filled with the sounds of heavy footsteps, the clanging of metal against metal, and the cries of infantry soldiers as they fall.
"Xaden, I breath out. It's the first thing I've said in hours.