WARNING: strong language, racist/homophobic/transphobic slurs & terminology, sexism, violence, homophobia, transphobia, classism, ableist, antisemitism, depictions of torture

This is a small group of things that will feature in this story, and it will be uncomfortable to read.

I do not agree with these viewpoints, and I do not condone them. I try to provide an accurate portrayal of the political & social environment of the world in the story. Also, since this is a deconstruction, expect some historically accurate & politically correct groups to exist.

If you want to read a relatively cleaner version (without the slurs), go to Deviantart. My account is Necroma666, and the story is titled the same.

You have long been an empty shell. Just as I have.

"Piece of advice, Penny" his hand slid out of his jacket. She flinched. "Don't look too closely," he flicked open his cigarette case and offered her a stick.

"And try not to stare."

Theft. It is an especially sweet vice,

more elegant than vandalism and more complex than simple robbery.

There was a card on his table

He picked it up and flipped it over.

Trying something new. What do you think?

XOXO Penny

A beautiful blend of secrets and crime and mischief and fear.

In some dark part of her mind, perhaps she already knew what the note said. Her shaking hands reached out and grasped it tightly, crinkling the cream-coloured paper. Her heart twisted all the same.

Why am I this way? Who can know?

"Major Steed," she smiled, tilting her chin up. "Back for another round?"

That made him pause. "Oh, I don't go for that anymore."

Who is the slave and who's the master?

"What I like about you," he smiled that oily smile.
"Is your complete noiselessness."

"A rare quality in a woman."

Do divine eyes fall upon me any longer, or have they given up?

"Miss Moneypenny," Adam called out.

No response. Panic clutched his throat.

"Miss Moneypenny!"

Run and speak not.

Hide and run not.

"Kicking us out, already?" Skinner chuckled bitterly. "A moment ago it was all sherry and giggles."

She giggled, smothering it with her fingertips.

When you've found me, punish me.

When you've punished me, kill me.

Save me.

She pulled the window up, put one leg out, then turned back. Her baleful grin made him freeze.

"You want to know the best part?"

Stealing is my greatest carnal pleasure,

a pleasure for which I will risk my life.

Authors's Note

I am going to be completely upfront and unabashedly honest with you:

This is shameless wish fulfillment fanfiction I got from reading the original Lupin III manga and LXG: Black Dossier.

Then I watched the legendary series, The Woman Called Fujiko Mine, and I decided to write this.

Feel free to comment and critique my work. If you have questions, please comment and I'll do my best to respond each and every one of you.

For the work itself, I'm going to be mixing a bit from all of the fandoms.

For example:

For The Avengers, I decided to bring back the season 1 and 2 noir style since it better suits the tone of the story. This means the version of Steed you meet might not be the most familiar or popular one.

For the LXG element, I took the parts that Moore introduced (e.i.: Night Industries producing brainwashing devices), expanded them and took them to their logical extreme.

Also, since this is effectively a dark parody of LXG and The Woman Called Fujiko Mine, expect a meta-narrative in here.