a/n: i've been working through this story in my head for the better part of a year and finally decided to actually write it down. this first chapter is a prologue which actually takes place after the main story takes place chronologically, but a few chapters will be time jumps that pick up where the prologue leaves off. hopefully the execution is less confusing than the explanation. anyway, i suppose i should also include a broad content warning that this story does have a major character death and lots of sad parts. but the ending is...hopeful, so at least there's that. :) as usual, anything you recognize is not mine, except for mistakes. all feedback is greatly appreciated!
"Kate", Rick whispers from the doorway of their darkened room. It's the middle of the day, but you wouldn't know it by the way she's closed the blinds and overlapped the black curtains to trap as much sunlight as possible. She hears her husband call her name once again, but she ignores it and pretends to be asleep.
When Kate doesn't stir from bed, Rick sighs but enters the room and closes the door behind him to keep it dark. He slides out of his shoes and slithers into bed next to his wife. He lays there in silence for a while, watching as Kate inhales and exhales beneath the comforter, frozen in place otherwise.
"I, uh, I'm gonna make a sandwich for lunch. You want something?" He eventually asks. But his question falls into a void, so he gets out of bed and walks to the kitchen, leaving Kate alone in her cave.
When she hears the door click, she exhales sharply, gasping as if she'd been holding her breath. The shroud of darkness hides her tears, but it does little to silence her sobs, so she works hard to stay quiet. She knows if he hears, he'll just come back to her. But that's not what she wants. She doesn't want him to be sucked into her black hole, to take away any joy he has left. She wants him to make his sandwich while she crawls her way back to the light.
"It's been almost two weeks, Lanie," Rick sighs into his phone. "She hasn't left the bedroom since we got home. She barely eats...hasn't...showered..."
"You're doing the right thing, Rick," Lanie assures him. "Just keep giving her space and she'll come back to you soon."
"How soon, though? I don't know how much longer I can...take this. I mean, we're both going through the same thing, but it's like she...it's like she's giving up."
"I know it feels like it," Lanie says. "I know it feels like a long time for her to be like this, but it's only been two weeks. Grief doesn't have a recovery timeframe, so just keep doing what you're doing."
"Alright. Thanks, Lanie," Rick sighs. "I know you're right, it's just, like I said, I don't know how long I can take this."
"I know, baby," Lanie says. "But you'll both get through this together."
"Kate,"
Rick whispers into the abyss for what feels like the millionth time. Just like each time before, he's met with silence, a statue with her back turned away from the door.
"Kate, stop ignoring me," he says. "I have tried giving you space. I've given you space. I let you stay in bed all day and all night. I am doing my best to keep it together but I can't take being flat out ignored by you when I'm being nothing but kind and accommodating. I am hurting too and I have no idea if I am going to lose you too and that makes everything hurt even more. It's just cruel...to...to ignore your husband like this."
After getting that off his chest, he slams the bedroom door and a few moments later, the front door as he storms out of the loft.
"No, dad, you can't stay here. You need to go home," Alexis says. She hates turning him away but she knows that tough love is what he needs, what they both need, if they're going to get through this. "Kate loves you and you love Kate and you will get through this."
"But, Pumpkin, it's been weeks of...nothing. I can't take it anymore. Yes, I love Kate, but there's only so much I can take. The loft, it's so...glum. All the time. With no escape," Rick says.
"Then stay at the Four Seasons for a night or two. Get away from the loft. Get some space. But you don't give up. You never give up, especially when it comes to Kate. And she isn't giving up either, dad. Remember that. What you two went through, it's...it's terrible...unimaginable. She just needs...more time."
"You're right, Alexis," Rick sighs. "As usual."
"I know," Alexis smiles.
"Love you, Pumpkin," Rick says. He plants a kiss on his daughter's head as he shuffles out of the PI office. He glances back at his red-headed daughter and finds himself wondering, like he often did, how she grew up so damn fast. She would have been such an amazing...never mind that, now.
Rick arrives back home a few hours after storming off. It's the same as it was when he'd left, which wasn't surprising, but still, he'd hoped.
He walks into the bedroom, and instead of gently calling out for his wife like he'd been for the last few weeks, he just turns the light on and walks in. Kate twitches a bit, but doesn't stir from her place on the bed.
"I'm staying at a hotel for a little while," he tells her. He pulls out a small suitcase and starts killing it with clothes. "I don't know when I will be back."
He grabs a few things from the bathroom to finish packing, zips up the suit case and rolls toward the bedroom door.
"Goodbye, Kate," he says, flipping the light switch off. "I love you."
Kate listens to his suitcase roll out the door and the door shut behind him. She's alone, maybe for good this time. Oh god, she finally broke him. She didn't mean to. But the thought of getting out of bed, even to chase after him, still hurts too much. So she stays there, silent, frozen.
He slept horribly, even worse than he does at home. Every second he spent away from her, he still couldn't stop thinking about Kate. Alexis was right, what they're going through is terrible, unimaginable; but what Kate was putting him through now was pretty awful, too. He knew she wasn't trying to hurt him, but that was little consolation right now. The one relief he did get from staying at the Four Seasons, was the ability to actually let himself feel all of his feelings. He'd been holding back a lot, trying to stay strong for Kate, for whatever reason. But as he stepped into the hot shower, the tears started to fall uncontrollably, aggressively.
"Damn it," he whispers at first, then he yells it. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"
When he finally stepped out of the steam filled bathroom of his hotel room, he knew exactly what he needed to do.
"Kate," Rick says sternly, staring into the same dark room he'd left the night before. "Kate, it's time to get up."
His wife was unmoved by his tone. She remained cemented to the bed, her back to him in the entryway. He stood there, waiting, hoping for a...miracle? That's what it felt like at this point. After a few minutes, though, the weeks of patience he'd shown her fly out of the window.
"Okay, that's it!" He exclaims. He bangs on the bedroom light, pulls open the curtains and marches over to Kate's side of the bed. "I can't do this anymore! I can't watch you do nothing anymore!" He throws the covers off of his wife and for the first time in weeks, she looks at him. Really, truly looks at him.
"Get up!" He exclaims, grabbing Kate's pillow from under her to try to get her to sit up.
"Wh—no!" Kate protests. "Stop."
They pause for a moment and catch each other's gaze. It's the first time Kate had spoken in weeks. It's the first time Rick's heard her voice in weeks. Then he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder.
"Rick! What are–put me down!" Kate yells, her legs flailing, trying to break out of his tight grasp.
He flips on the light switch in the bathroom and pulls open the shower door.
"Rick!"
He turns the water on and walks in to the shower with his wife.
"What are you–Rick! What are you doing!?" Kate exclaims, now soaking wet pinned against the shower wall.
"Stop fighting it, Kate," Rick says. She continues to try to wrestle away from him for a few more seconds, but eventually starts to relax. Then, the tears start flowing, like an raging flood. They stand there, sobbing, as the shower rain crashes down on them.
"What are you doing?" She asks again more calmly, after she gets a grasp on her emotions. It felt like they'd been standing there for hours, but it was really only a minute or two, tops.
"You haven't showered in over two weeks," Rick tells her, chuckling a little bit.
"This is your way of telling me I stink?" Kate laughs.
"Well, it's...working, is it not?" Rick laughs harder.
They stand there under the shower stream, fully clothed, and soaking wet.
"Could you...help me get my clothes off?" Kate asks softly.
"Of course," Rick says.
"Can you...stay?" she asks once she's stripped naked.
"Of course," he nods.
Once he's naked too, she runs her fingers through his hair and pulls his forehead to hers.
"Thank you for not giving up on me, Castle," she whispers.
He grabs on to her waist and pulls them even closer together, "of course."
a/n: so, as you can already tell, this is going to be quite the emotional rollercoaster for our favorite couple. i'll be posting chapter 1 shortly after this, and i'd greatly appreciate your thoughts and feedback. as a reminder, chapter 1 takes us back in time from this cathartic shower scene. thanks, y'all, and enjoy!