Doomsnet
Being stuck tied to a chair is. Well – it's not the worst thing that's happened, on account of how this is Hunter, but that's exactly it. This is Hunter. Hunter , who stabbed him . Crosshair still vividly remembers the blade cutting through his skin. He remembers the blood, the pain, remembers seeing Tech fall. Some things he can never forget.
So, no , getting the honors of getting tied to one of the shuttle's seats on the way back to Kamino after getting captured on Daro is not the kind of reunion Crosshair envisioned with Hunter.
Well, after three separate escape attempts, he probably had this coming, but still . This is Hunter. He's not supposed to hurt them.
"Crosshair, please," he says tiredly, pulling his helmet off. He still looks like him. As him as he did on Ryloth. Y'know. A millisecond before he rammed his knife into Crosshair's side.
"Don't," he hisses, glaring.
Hunter flinches back, somehow managing to look hurt, and that just makes Crosshair even angrier . He should be , but he doesn't get to be , either. Not after what he did to them. "I'm just trying to help," he says.
"Oh, I can see that," Crosshair growls, eyes narrowing, "You've done a very good job showing that, haven't you?"
Crosshair can't tell if Hunter looks more hurt or angry, but he doesn't even care . He'd been hurt before, but now that Hunter's in front of him, all he can feel is rage.
"I told you to stand down on Kamino. You should have listened."
"Because we should have trusted you ?" he snarls, shifting back in his seat. It feels too close, and he feels trapped. Hunter's too close, and Crosshair feels sick. Both with that and the fact that it makes him so uneasy in the first place. This is Hunter . He shouldn't be uncomfortable around him. Hunter's his brother. Their leader. He protects them . That's what he does . It's – all he's ever done until Kamino, when he didn't .
"Why did you stop ?" Hunter sounds slightly desperate. Hurt.
"Maybe the first time you shot at me."
"Crosshair," he says, reaching for him, and Crosshair jerks back from him, slamming into the back of his seat. Hunter's hand drops, hurt flaring across his face. "I was trying to protect you. I can't do that if you don't let me."
He pointedly turns away, glaring straight in front of him, unwilling to look at Hunter. He knows that would get the point off more.
"Are you hurt?" Hunter asks quietly, softer. Familiar. It's a flash of the Hunter who Crosshair knew, who led them and cared for them. He always used to take care of them. Tech might've been the one who treated them if they were hurt, but Hunter was always there, always hovered . It used to drive Crosshair crazy, but now, he's the one who's hurting them.
It sends another sharp stab of pain through his heart, and Crosshair glares at him for it. He doesn't want to deal with Hunter pretending to be nice . "When did you start caring about that?"
"I never stopped."
"Really," Crosshair scoffs, "It felt like it when you stabbed me."
Hunter flinches. He looks like he was slapped.
It feels like Crosshair slapped him. He wishes he could. At least he wouldn't feel so trapped and alone and scared . He's supposed to feel safe here. He shouldn't be scared , but he is . Hunter stabbed him . He could've killed him, but he didn't, though that didn't change how he hurt him .
He wants to cry just thinking about it. They were going to go ground, to disappear, but then Rex asked them to go to Daro, and Echo insisted they go, despite everyone else's protests.
So, yeah. Here they are, and Crosshair didn't make it back to the ship. The Marauder was damaged, and they had to go, despite Tech's protests. He hadn't wanted to leave him. He'd tried to come back, but there were too many fighters on their tail. They couldn't stop long enough for him to get aboard. He had been injured. Minorly. He got thrown out of the vents by an explosion, and for the record, grappling to a mountainside is practically a guarantee to get a dislocated shoulder and a twisted ankle, but well, he's not dead.
They still hurt.
Stumbling around in the forest with some squads of regs and a whole pack of dogs on his tail was a guarantee to get captured.
They're minor injuries, but still injuries.
At least they weren't Hunter's fault this time.
His side is still healing. It was deep , and even with the stitches Omega put into it, it's closing up messily. It was only a couple of weeks ago.
Crosshair has seen the scarring on Tech's chest. He still feels sick. That was Tech . and Hunter shot him .
Crosshair doesn't like thinking about Ryloth. He really, genuinely thought Hunter had been himself enough to be willing to come with them. They'd thrown together a reckless, haphazard plan to get him back, but – it all went downhill from the start. Crosshair's lucky Echo was right there to get him out before Hunter actually killed him.
He still remembers the dull thud as Tech's body hit the ground. He will – can – never stop reliving that moment.
He has no idea where Hunter's taking him or why . He doesn't know if he's going to kill him or hurt him or – but Crosshair's not going to wait and find out. He's not going to just let it happen . He is not going to let Hunter hurt them.
Hunter approaches him again somewhere into the hyperspace time. "Crosshair," he says quietly, and he studiously ignores him, though Hunter keeps talking, anyhow. "Listen to me. You can come back. I... have orders to bring you in. We can be together again. We won't have to fight each other anymore."
He glances fleetingly at Hunter to glare.
" Crosshair ." He sounds placating. There's a distinct hurt note there, which just makes him angrier. "I don't want to hurt you again."
"I got that feeling before," Crosshair mutters.
Hunter's sigh makes him sound either way too old, or exceedingly dramatic. "You were trying to kill me. What was I supposed to do?"
"Maybe not stab the people you're supposed to be protecting ," Crosshair snarls, "Don't talk to me about how you want us back . You don't get that . Not after what you did ."
Hunter draws back. Crosshair thinks he's going to say something.
He doesn't.
Hunter wordlessly takes his comm and sits down across from him, pulling his helmet back on. He doesn't say anything else.
**w**
Kamino's being decommissioned, apparently. Hunter doesn't say much about it or anything.
That's good for Crosshair, though.
He knows it's probably stupid, but he doesn't care. He tackles him without warning, ripping his blaster away, and kicks him.
He hits the floor decidedly unceremoniously, and Crosshair ducks into a roll when the two annoying squad members – his replacements and he hates them and that, and Hunter for going along with it – fire at him.
Crosshair takes them both out with a single, conveniently placed blaster shot reflecting off the wall.
He turns his blaster on Hunter, who's rolling to his feet, and raises his hands in what Crosshair can't tell is supposed to be surrender or placation. "Crosshair, wait ," he orders, and he sounds scared. That's the first time Crosshair's heard it on him, but he ignores it. He's not going to just stand here and let Hunter stab him again.
Crosshair flips the setting to stun and fires. This time, Hunter doesn't even try to move. His body falls, and Crosshair stands there for a moment, staring at him numbly. Hunter looks so different in his dark armor, but he's – he's still him , and Crosshair can't just walk away. He's not going to do that.
He won't do the same thing to Hunter that he did to them. No matter what he's done to them the fact still remains that they need him . Desperately.
And – and they're on Kamino. There are medbays here, and if Crosshair's brothers really get here fast enough, then they should have time to get Hunter's chip out and get out before being seen. He doesn't want to leave Hunter here, not knowing he could come back, and they'd still be in danger of Hunter hurting them .
He doesn't have the strength to walk away, and to be fair, it's not as though Crosshair even has anywhere he could go right now.
Finding an available medbay isn't too hard, though sneaking there while carrying Hunter is a whole lot harder. Either way, he manages to get him inside and onto the medtable without anything going downhill, and considering how things have been ever since they first left Kamino, Crosshair thinks that's a major plus. Definitely better than – than what he's been able to pull off for a while.
The supplies here are... gone, which is weird, so he doesn't have a way of keeping Hunter sedated. He can't keep stunning him, either, because that's risky . This is Hunter – he's sensitive to electricity. That could hurt him badly, and – and Crosshair doesn't want to do that, either.
Still, even free , Crosshair can't help the uncomfortable nerves crawling up and down his spine. Simply put, he's – he's terrified .
Crosshair feels sick about having to restrain him. It won't hurt him, but he won't take risks of Hunter getting away. He will not entrust Hunter with his life again. Not yet.
It feels wrong. He feels sick with himself, but at least... no one will be hurt this way. Crosshair's been restrained on those things before – it's never pleasant to get stuck there, but well – Hunter was no better to him. There are going to be people coming, and he needs to be careful.
He has no idea if their comms are being monitored, but his brothers and the kid must be worried sick about him, so Crosshair comms them the moment he's secure.
There's a chorus of Crosshair's from the other end, and Wrecker sounds a little overly shaky. Is he crying? "You okay?" he asks.
"I'm fine," Crosshair promises, "But you'll have to hurry. Hunter'll be up soon, and they'll notice we're missing."
"Are you hurt?" Tech inquires. He's worried, and that he feels the need to ask that makes him feel even worse.
"No. I'm fine. He didn't hurt me." Yet.
"Just – hang on," Omega requests, her worry audible, "We'll be there."
Yeah, he's counting on it, or this plan will go downhill really fast.
Especially now that Hunter's waking up. The way he snaps from semi-conscious to fully conscious in a millisecond is familiar – they all do it, but it's still irritating. They don't have time . Crosshair needs to stay on watch until his brothers finally get here. He and Hunter's disappearance, no doubt, has already been noticed, and probably, there are already people out looking.
Even more irritating is the way Hunter manages to glance around the room, fully taking in all his surroundings in a second. Crosshair knows that look. He's trying to find a way out, and that makes him almost irrationally angry.
"Crosshair, what..." Hunter's voice is quiet, wary, but still there. His expression is tense.
"We're getting your chip out. If they make it here before we're found."
Crosshair can't read his expression, and he gives up trying to. It matters, but he just... can't deal with it right now. After everything Hunter's done to them, he has no idea how he's ever going to be comfortable around him again. It might not have been his fault, but – but still . Wrecker had tried to kill them when his chip activated, but he never actually hurt anyone.
Hunter, though...
"I know you think what you're doing is right," Hunter says, "But did you ever stop to ask what happens if that just makes it worse? It could kill me."
It's the first time Crosshair realizes he's afraid. Hunter doesn't get scared of things, but he is now. "It's for the best," Crosshair retaliates. It hurts him to say this, but it's the truth, and he can't lie about it. Hunter nearly killed them. He hurt them, and Crosshair can't forget that.
"You don't know that!" he snaps back.
"Wrecker was fine when we got his out," Crosshair argues, "So was I. And –" He can't think about Tech without remembering seeing him fall. He's – he's fine , but he doesn't think he can have a conversation with Hunter about that right now. The shot had barely missed his heart. "And the others," he settles on.
"That doesn't mean I will be. Crosshair." The calm is maddening . Infuriating. It's too gentle, too familiar, and he loathes that. He doesn't want to think about how much he misses Hunter – his Hunter – right now. Not when he's facing one who so obviously isn't him . "Could you really live with it if you made that kind of mistake?"
"Any more than you could?" Crosshair snips back.
His expression shifts from wary to angry in a millisecond, though he can't help wondering if he's just – hiding. Crosshair doesn't want to believe Hunter is himself enough to regret what he did. He thought that before, and look where that took him. "I'm not responsible for the choices you made when you weren't following me."
"And you never thought to ask if you gave us those choices, did you ?"
He falls silent, and it just makes Crosshair feel even worse. He hates himself for seeing Hunter as an enemy, for having to hurt him, for how it even feels like he is. Because he is , even if he doesn't want to believe that. He knows it. Can see it.
"Don't do this," Hunter says finally, and he sounds nearly desperate. This isn't an order. It's a plea, and something inside him shatters.
But still. There's only one way that this can go which is safe for anybody. It doesn't matter if Hunter doesn't like it.
"You don't get a say in this."
Hunter clenches his jaw, turning away.
Crosshair still sees it as tears pool in his eyes, and whatever animosity he was feeling minutes before melts away. "Hunter?" he asks softly, worriedly, because this is not normal and Hunter never cries. If he is, there's something wrong , and there is definitely something wrong right now, but he hasn't shown any sort of emotional – anything since he left . Or maybe it's just that he was too afraid to look for it.
He looks down the hall again, and still nothing. And yes, it's stupidly risky, but Hunter's crying , and Crosshair needs to help . Somehow.
He steps away from his post at the door and moves to Hunter's side. He's pointedly trying to avoid his gaze. Crosshair climbs onto the edge of the table, reaching out and laying his hand on Hunter's chestplate. He doesn't want to ask what's wrong, because it feels stupid , but he really doesn't know .
"Hunter," he says softly, "What's... wrong?"
He doesn't say anything, and Crosshair doesn't ask him to, either. He just waits, even if the wait is decidedly uncomfortable, and feels like it lasts a full eternity.
"If... I'm not here, then... what am I?"
"...What?"
He's breathing shakily, and Crosshair sort of wants to hug him, but that's presently impossible, considering their positions. And he's not going to risk letting Hunter go. He's not... going to make that mistake again. "I – I'm sorry," he rasps shakily, "I didn't – I know I hurt you. It doesn't – doesn't matter if I die here."
Crosshair freezes, staring at him. He feels numb. Doesn't know what to say.
"I – I know it'll hurt you. But it doesn't really matter, does it?" He looks so vulnerable, and it makes Crosshair feel sick. This is Hunter. "I – I know you're right. About the chips. I know this isn't me, but I don't have anything else."
"You have us," Crosshair offers finally, awkwardly, raising his other hand to Hunter's shoulder. It feels weird to be intimate with him now, but he doesn't care.
" I hurt you . I can't pretend I didn't. I can't..."
" Can't what ?" Crosshair asks desperately, because he needs to know what's going through his brother's head right now.
"I can't come back."
"Don't say that!" he hisses, hand tightening. Hunter twitches and Crosshair reaches for his hand instead, squeezing it tightly. Tries not to think about how this is the same one he stabbed him with. "We need you, Hunter."
" I stabbed you!" Hunter hisses, "Tech –" his voice breaks over the name, and Crosshair squeezes his hand tighter.
"Is fine," he finishes, and Hunter's eyes snap up to his.
"He... is?" he whispers, voice raw.
"It missed his heart," Crosshair says, almost without meaning to. "He made it. He's fine."
Hunter squeezes his hand back, some of the tension draining out of him, letting out a sigh of relief Crosshair didn't know he was holding. "I – I wasn't sure if..."
"We're not that easy to get rid of. I'm taking you home."
"I don't know if that's the best idea."
Crosshair looks down at him again. It feels like the first time their eyes meet. Hunter's are still wet. It hurts to see him like this. "Haven't been following your orders for a while now," Crosshair says dryly, "Won't start now."
"I don't want to hurt you again."
"You won't." He leans down on impulse, kissing Hunter's forehead. He smiles faintly, and it's the first time Crosshair's seen that on him. He misses it .
"I couldn't stop it before."
"I know you." He knows Hunter would never want to hurt them on his own. He's always taken care of them, protected them, and that – it wouldn't just change, even if he's struggling to accept where and what they are now.
"I don't," Hunter argues, "I... don't know what I am anymore."
"You're still our brother." He doesn't need more than that.
His comm beeps, and Crosshair straightens to answer it. "Status?" Tech queries, his voice slightly staticky and distorted.
"He's awake," Crosshair answers, "And very grumpy."
"Grumpy?" Hunter squawks, " Me ?"
"Yes," Crosshair tells him loftily, turning back to his comm, "You better get here fast. I don't know how long we have."
"We're nearly there," Omega promises, though she still manages to sound scared.
Crosshair looks down at Hunter again, who lightly squeezes his hand, though he doesn't speak again.
Right now, they just have to wait.
After a few minutes, he returns to door babysitting duty, once he's certain Hunter's temporarily fine.
The others finally arrive not long later, and Wrecker instantly scoops him into a crushing hug. "You okay?" he asks worriedly, pulling back.
"I'm fine," he grumbles. They have a medical droid with them now, which is weird, but he doesn't think of it. "About Hunter..."
"AZI should be able to help," Omega volunteers.
"I'm on it," Tech replies, moving past them to Hunter. There's a pause as they look at each other, and Omega steps forward to hug Crosshair, too. He awkwardly pats her head. She'd been there when he fell. It must've been terrifying.
But Tech's here, and – and he'll fix this. He'll know what to do.
**w**
The Empire destroys Kamino while they're still on it. Hunter knew it was coming, but he thought they'd make it off first. They didn't, though.
At least they make it off uninjured. That's more than he expected.
It's not until they make it to the Marauder that reality comes crashing back down on him again. Hunter hurt them . He shot Tech. He stabbed Crosshair. He stabbed him , and he can't stop remembering it.
He still remembers Crosshair's gasp as the blade ran into his side. He remembers... remembers how angry Crosshair had been when Tech was shot.
It still hurts.
He still thinks he deserves that.
Hunter follows the rest of his brothers aboard, sitting on one of the seats in the back. He – he doesn't feel like he belongs here anymore. They were fine without him. They didn't need him . He doesn't feel like he has a place here.
( He wished he was right that there was a chance he wouldn't make it. Wishes – he'd wanted – but he's still alive, and he has to somehow... find a way to deal with it. Dying is easy, but Hunter never gets easy. )
He hurt them. He hurt them, he –
How is he supposed to deal with this? He doesn't know what to do . There's a twisting, aching, gnawing emptiness in Hunter's heart now, and he can't focus on anything else. He can't – can't do this .
His mind is supposed to be his now, but the crushing depression is even heavier.
It doesn't feel like he belongs here. Or anywhere . That's what he was trying to tell Crosshair about. If he's not with the Empire, then... he has nothing. He doesn't – doesn't want to be with the Empire. He never really has, but he thought he was protecting them, that it was safer , and... it wasn't something Hunter ever had the mental space to think about.
He wants to cry, but there's no time and there's no space and he never – never gets that . Didn't in all that time he was alone. He didn't mean to break down in front of Crosshair, but it felt like it helped. Crosshair hadn't looked at him like he was weak for it, even if Hunter felt like he was. He'd been so scared . Now, he just feels numb. Empty. It'd be a relief if he were able to feel something other than the crushing pressure in his chest.
"Hunter?" Omega asks quietly, and he starts at the sound of her voice. It's so unfamiliar, but... he cares about her still. She's their sister, and that's still something he's having a hard time getting used to. It's weird.
She's also the only one who hasn't hurt him. Who he hasn't hurt. That – makes it easier somehow.
"Yeah?" He looks up at her, though trying to focus on her is hard. He's tempted to ask Tech if he's fully certain nothing went wrong in the surgery, though he doesn't want to. He shouldn't complain if something's just a little bit off. It's – his brooding his normal. He's been doing it non-stop for a long while now.
Her dark eyes are bright, though still wary. She should be. "I wanted to know if you were okay," she says.
"I'm fine," Hunter answers, almost automatically, though in truth, he can't remember the last time someone asked him that . It's been a long time. He's only been away a month, but he doesn't... remember what it's like to be with people.
She hops onto the chair next to him. Well, Hunter really doesn't want to talk right now, but it's pretty clear Omega means to, anyways. "They talked about you all the time," Omega says, "They missed you."
Not what he needs right now. Not – "I know," he answers, sighing. Doesn't have the mental space to think of something more intelligent than that. They missed him , and Hunter hurt them like that, too. He was supposed to be with them. To help them. To – protect them. Not hurt them. But he did, and they're going to have scars from that forever, both physically and mentally.
"You know, what happened wasn't your fault," Omega adds finally, softly.
Yes, it was. It doesn't matter if he had something in his head convincing him hurting his brothers was necessary somehow. That doesn't change how he's their leader, and he's supposed to protect him. that's not something he even knows how to say, and even if he did, he wouldn't tell Omega. He doesn't know her, and she shouldn't have to worry.
"It's not something you can control."
"That's not what it was like," Hunter sighs with a shake of his head. "I could. I wasn't being forced to do anything. I did it because I wanted to."
"You wouldn't do that."
"I did." He could've said the same thing once, but he – he did. That was him. Maybe not him him, but he could've stopped it if he tried. He stopped it when he tried, and if he'd done it earlier, he wouldn't have hurt them. He still could've helped them .
( He doesn't belong here doesn't belong anywhere doesn't have anywhere else to be these are the only people who matter, but he – he can't go. Crosshair said they need him, but he's still a risk, and what if he hurts them again? How is he supposed to pretend to be able to lead them? )
"Hunter?" Wrecker's voice draws his attention, and he looks up, even if he doesn't want to . He's definitely not ready to face Wrecker right now. He's the only one he didn't hurt, but – but still .
"Yeah?"
"I just... wanna let ya know we're glad to have ya back," Wrecker tells him honestly. He still manages to look awkward about it, though, and Hunter would be more concerned if he didn't . This entire situation is awkward. It's hard for him to be back here, too.
"Are you?" Hunter asks quietly – he doesn't mean it antagonistically. It's a genuine question because he doesn't know how he could be.
"We missed you," Wrecker answers, and that means way, way more than it did from Omega because this is Wrecker , and he's the one who grew up with Hunter. He's the one who Hunter hurt, and – and he's the one he knows . Their acceptance is the one he needs.
"I'm sorry," Hunter says, and from there, it sort of just comes tumbling out. "I'm sorry – I know I couldn't stop it, but I still hurt you. All of you. I shouldn't have – it doesn't matter if you were trying to kill me."
"We were trying to get you back," Wrecker tells him sullenly, "On Ryloth."
Hunter had guessed as much already – if Crosshair was really trying to shoot him, he wouldn't have missed. But when they were there, he just... stopped thinking. All he could think of was how they were the enemy. "I'm sorry," he whispers again. He knows it's horribly inadequate, but there's nothing he can do to change it.
He can't take back the fact that he shot Tech. That he thought – he'd been afraid he killed him. For weeks . Hunter had no idea if he survived.
Wrecker stares at him for a moment before stepping up to him and scooping him into a hug. Hunter makes a faint, strangled squeak that he's unreasonably embarrassed by, but he sinks into Wrecker's arms and clings to him.
He wants to cry again, but he can't afford to break down again. His brothers need him to be strong. As they always do .
He's hurt them so much already, and he's been without them so long, he just – nothing makes sense anymore.
They're together, so they should be fine, but it doesn't feel like it .
Wrecker still stubbornly clings to him when he finally breaks and cries.
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