If you thought I was serious with the last author's note… lmaooooo get prank'd

Amber looks at the sun – don't do that, by the way.

"We've still got 3 or 4 hours of light to burn. That should be enough, right Sucrose?"

"Y-Yes… more than enough."

I've been taken to some woods not too far from the city. If they wanted to murderize me, this would be a good spot.

*pop*

A whole desk with lab stuff materializes in front of the furry-adjacent scientist.

"How."

"S-Spacial compression… easy enough with alchemy."

Amber grins.

"It's quite impressive to outsiders Sucrose, I've told you a million times already!"

"A-actually, you've told me four times, t-this one included…"

What a nerd!

"Whatever. So, what are you two planning?"

"I'm going to prepare concentrated Anemo fluid. S-Since you're here…. Maybe Pyro as well?"

"You're gonna splash him with it?" Amber then looks at me like I'm a bug. "I think the effects of that are already well documented…"

"He's gonna drink it…"

"I'm gonna drink it! I already drank the uh... normal one? Maybe if its charged something cool will happen."

"Ah, I see. Terrible idea, just so you know. Who do I blame if you turn into a hilichurl or something?"

"Me, I had the idea. I sacrifice myself in the name of knowledge! What's an hilichurl, by the way?"

I have to know.

"Little black primitives. Really ugly too! Thankfully they all wear masks. They usually gather around fireplaces and huts in the wild, doing their... weird little songs and dances. Well, sometimes they get pretty big, but you'll mostly see the smaller ones around."

Racism.

"Sometimes they get a bit too frisky and start harassing the wandering merchants. They attack on sight, so we've taken to a kill on sight policy on the creatures if they get too close to town."

Sucrose enthusiastically nods at Amber's words. That's concerning.

"I…"

"You?" keep going…

"I sometimes go and help the Knights control them! To c-c-c-collect their bones, and other materials! T-They're rather c-cute and useful!"

Wow.

"That explains the rumors."

"W-What rumors?!"

"Andrew!"

Amber punches my arm. Ouch!

"W-w-w-what rumors?!"

Oh no, she… didn't know.

"I've heard from K-" Amber pinches my butt. Hey, hands off! "Someone told me that you and the hilichurls had... something… going on. Among other things. Regarding pets, and old men. All incredibly explicit in nature."

She makes a cute noise of some sort and turns away from me, fiddling about in her improv outdoors laboratory.

"I'm… sorry. I didn't believe any of it if that helps."

"..."

"She'll get over it. Do learn to shut up though."

"Got it."

The bunny girl shakes her head, utterly unconvinced. She then approaches the sulking C12H22O11 (I still remember a little chemistry from high school!)

"Sucrose, do you need me to do something?"

"…"

"Sucrose?"

"Apply Pyro to one of those test tubes, please."

Her red gem lights up and the liquid in the tube boils.

"Done! Anything… else?"

"…"

Amber awkwardly laughs and then turns to me…

"Let's talk."

"Here?"

"No."

Ok. We move further away from the alchemist.

"You are an imbecile and a pervert."

"Yup."

"At least you're honest… Eula-"

"She already did what she had to do. I will apologize to you as I did to her. I am sorry – I wasn't thinking clearly at the time."

No, I was thinking very clearly at the time. I just assumed it wouldn't be nearly as big of a deal as it turned out to be. Naive!

"Good, thank you. Hopefully we can get on better terms now!"

Oh wow, she's… very bubbly, all things considered. Why's she throwing me a smile, of all things?

Hard to imagine that weirdo Eula together with this one... maybe opposites do attract.

"Yes… hopefully."

"You don't sound all that eager about it…"

"You people are all… crazy. I don't know how much I can take before I'm put into the ward."

I'm already insane, I'm just messing with her.

"That sounds like a you problem!"

"I guess."

"Soooo… what's your story?"

Of course she wants to know. Nosy little things, all of them. I'm tired of lying, by the way.

"Crashed my car on the way to work, got hurt real bad and before I realized I was in the mountains in another world. No, I don't know how. No, I don't know why. And I honestly couldn't give a shit at this point. *sigh* God knows I miss Cammy…"

Her face turns really, really sad. Please, don't! You'll make me feel bad!

"Was Cammy… someone special?"

No way… HAHAHA! I point and laugh at the idiot bunny! In my mind, of course.

"Cammy was my car… uh… carriage. Self moving. Engine and all that…"

"I… I see. Did you leave family behind, or...?"

"I'm better off without it, believe me."

She hums and practices a friendly looking expression. Then she twirls around a bit and strikes a pose.

"Welcome to Mondstadt, strange yet respectable Traveler!"

Wow.

"Eula's quite lucky. You're pretty cute."

"...!"

She blushes.

*boom*

Did Sucrose just commit die?

We both rush towards the direction of the sound and…

"It's… It's done. I'm ok!"

Sucrose's thick glasses are caked with dirt, eyebrows singed and smoking.

"D-Don't worry… I just got… distracted. It's n-no big deal."

I approach the lab and take one of the test tubes. The once clear fluid was now bright and colorful. The pale green one will be the first. The red one intimidates me!

"Bottom's up!"

I down the whole thing, to the dismay of the alchemist.

"T-T-T-T-T-THAT'S CONCENTRATED ANEMO ENERGY! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DRINK IT ALL!"

Ah, fuck it. I'm still kicking. Harder than ever before.

"I didn't explode, so you can rule that theory out for now."

Her face turns pale.

"A-A-Amber! Help!"

"Wha-"

Amber rushes over and holds my hand. Tries to!

*squeeze*

Wait…

What!

WHERE ARE YOU GRABBING ME, LITTLE LADY?!

She's got me by the balls – literally.

That's right. I'm flying. No, floating would be the word. Flying implies control. More importantly...

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! P-PERVERT!"

R-R-R-ROLE REVERSAL!

I make sure to scream as loud as I can.

"SHUT UP, IDIOT! I'M TRYING… TO SAVE YOU!"

She quickly readjusts her grip on me.

"SUCROSE HE'S DRAGGING ME UP! I DIDN'T BRING MY GLIDER!"

Hysteria takes over the once peaceful woods. The girls try and dig their feet in the ground in order to not get pulled up with me.

This was a terrible idea. Terrible, but funny.

I wonder how long this will last… Can't I at least control this, somewhat?

Let's try… and focus.

Mhmmmm…

Nope! I quit!

Nowak One will be Mondstadt's first satellite. A beacon of their failure.

"Let me go. I long for the sweet release of death."

"...shut… up!"

Sucrose chooses not to respond. Or can't. She looks like she's struggling to find a proper grip on Amber's slim body.

Oh yeah, I need to tell her! What better moment than now?

"Right Sucrose, buddy! I'll be crashing in your place starting next week!"

"W-WHAT?!"

Surprised, she loses her grip on Amber and… we both rise. She goes after us, jumping around trying to grab us. She manages to reach Amber's foot, bringing us slightly down… and the heeled boot slips right out, hitting Sucrose right between the eyes! Ouchie ouch!

"Ah! My glasses!"

Don't worry, they're still intact! The girl keeps on struggling against her own diminutive stature! Adorable!

If there's any silver lining to this, is that at least we seem to be limited in how high we can go, allowing Sucrose to just about reach the tip of our toes with a properly timed jump.

"Amber, I'm going to try and flips us over. See if you can stretch out an arm for the girl to grab."

She nods. Her grip around me is… deadly. She too realizes that she's the only thing stopping me from going even higher.

"Here goes."

I muster all my strength and manage to somehow turn us around, heads pointed to the ground. If my elemental juice were to turn off... death. This is extra dumb. Amber begins sliding down my body until her belly rests on my face. Little Andrew is liking this, sadly. God, she's crushing me with those fat thighs of hers! Under any other circumstances, I'd pay for this. Not now though.

"S-Sucrose! Now!"

"Hiyah!"

She jumps, and grabs Amber's sleeves.

Yay!

Wait…

"I-I-I'm floating!"

We've gone down substantially, but we're still above ground level. What a conundrum! Our best hope is getting stuck on a tree… At least that way the girls can climb down while the effects of the green floating juice dissipate from my body.

I begin shaking my body like I'm some sort of… vermin. Amber matches my movements, awkwardly, probably realizing what I'm trying to do. I try not to think too hard about the fact her vest is rolling up… no, rolling down? Whatever. What matters is that I'm getting a face-full of girly tummy. And this one's got a six-pack! She's packing HEAT. Right. Knights. Trains a lot. Makes sense. I turn my head to the side, focusing on the target once more, only to be interrupted by two distinct yelps and a thud.

Sucrose got gravity blasted to ground level…

"D-Don't look!"

What?

I look up... down... at her. And… oh. Amber's completely topless, her face red like her missing clothes, looking like she's just about to cry. I'm not enough of a bastard to enjoy the moment, to be honest., so I redirect my attentions to the girlfailure.

"SUCROSE! YOU ALRIGHT?"

"I-I-I'M SORRY!"

Well, I think she's ok at least. Now, for the bunny...

"Amber, you might want to pull yourself back up, uh… or maybe not. You decide."

I wonder how this looks like to an outsider-OW OW OW!

She's… pulling herself back up… of course, she'd need to… apply some strength.

Naturally, I get titties to the face as well. I don't enjoy them for very long, sadly.

"You are… really strong."

At this point, we're already standing err... floating, normally. As if we were on the floor, just... not.

*squeeze*

The first time a half-naked woman ever embraces me. And it's happening mid-air in some random woods. And the woman in question is also crying, embarrassed and afraid. And only hugging me to try and hide her body.

*Achoo*

WHAT! NO!

She's… unloading her snot on my clothes!

"I'm… sorry. I don't know how long this is gonna take."

My member twitches, poking her exposed belly. I know she felt that. It's small, but not that small...

"And sorry about that as well. Can't really help it…"

"You're… the worst."

"Yeah..."

My hands are doing that god awful hover you see in celebrity photos sometimes. It's... tiring my arms... I've been trying not to touch her more than necessary.

"Can I like... hug you? Or just, rest my arms, somehow? Getting kinda sore."

"Hug."

What a disaster. I must've spent nearly an hour just floating with poor Amber attached to me and my unruly, elementally charged peener. She could've released herself earlier, but she refused, talking about a Knight's honor or duty. Medieval hogwash, basically, especially considering she broke down crying.

The wind died down midway through, so we couldn't move towards any tree in the end. Then we came crashing down all of a sudden. That snapped Amber out of her funk and she managed to land us not too badly. No injuries other than some bruises and cuts for me. And back pain, but nothing's broken.

Sucrose was unharmed... Amber fell on top of me, and I somewhat cushioned the fall. That's good!

Speaking of the girls, Sucrose can be surprisingly vicious when she's ranting about lab safety. Not a single stutter from her as she gave me a (deserved) dressing-down. We're halting practical experiments until I move in with her. And yes, she's letting it happen. Fuck knows I wouldn't, if I were in her place.

No, Jean is not aware of the fiasco. Amber decided not to snitch. Speaking of, I like her! She seems… relatively well adjusted. We made up on the way back.

And where am I now, you ask?

In the Knight's Headquarters. Alchemy room... Not in the barracks, like I was supposed to be at this time of night.

Albedo called for me. He wants to talk to me about…

The titty cat doctor.

"Why would I care about her? The less I hear, the better."

"She dropped the charges."

GOOD.

"Thank. You! I love you, man."

"Right. What I'm about to do is in violation of multiple rules in the Favonius code of conduct. Treat it as a personal request, not an official one."

Oh god…

"Are you aware of Nitta's past?"

"No. Should I?"

"Perhaps not, but I will tell you regardless."

...

Oh god.

Jesus fuck.

What in the SHIT.

Eula's family is…

"Can you chemically castrate Eula's whole bloodline or something?"

"Yes, but I'm not at liberty to do so."

Holy shit, he actually thought about it at some point...

"What does this have to do with me though? I can at least forgive her now, I guess..."

"An outside perspective might be key to cracking this case."

"I'm definitely the wrong person for this…"

"I didn't ask you to solve the case, only to speculate."

Speculate I will.

Think.

Nitta… Springvale… I've only talked to… two people.

Not much to work through!

"Uh… the carriage driver did it?"

Albedo narrows his eyes.

"Explain."

"He's the only other person I talked to in Springvale…"

I shrug and continue.

"And he also told me on the ride here that he was a little enamored with the girl… And that I wasn't the only one lusting after her."

"Were you?"

"I mean… have you looked at her?"

"I have, yes."

"I uh… I did take some very intentional glances at her, from certain angles and at certain parts. Look, knowing what she's gone through is making me feel uncomfortable about it now…"

"I see. Thank you. Is Sucrose treating you well?"

Wow, very smooth. NOT.

"You should be asking it the other way around; answer is no. I'll likely kill her from stress. I messed up today's experiment. And what's the big idea? Playing matchmaker?"

"What did you do?"

"I drank a whole tube of uh… anemo? Is that… yeah. Anemo fluid, thing. Concentrated."

"Idiotic. What happened?"

"I floated."

He smiles.

"You cannot control the elemental flow. You likely never will, but its not impossible. No chances of getting a Vision as a shortcut either, considering you're not of this world. Celestia will not recognize you, not like that, at least. And no, not matchmaking. If it happens, it happens, and I will congratulate you both."

He's totally trying to set me up with Sugar!

Wait… did I tell him my story? I'm forgetting… eh, whatever. Might as well assume everyone knows!

"What's Celestia? Heaven?"

"No. Ask Lisa. She is better equipped to… talk about these matters."

Hmm…

"Better equipped, but not more knowledgeable. Albedo, Chief Alchemist… you're full of secrets."

I'm bullshitting to see where it takes me.

"And I'd advise you not to pry too deeply."

It takes me down the wrong route! Abort! Abort! Only a bad end awaits me here.

"I won't, I won't. That all?"

"Yes, that's all. Have a good night, Andrew."

"Same to you, sir."