Pizza Cakes
By BellaGrimFox: World's Most Chaotic Creature.
The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everyone was having a great day. Especially someone who was very well known for causing chaos on live television. A man very uniquely named The Noise. On this special day, the yellow gremlin had gotten a lot of work done; leaving a huge mess for Gerome to clean up, pouring soup all over Pepperman's paintings, flipping over every cow at Vigilante's farm, covered Pillar John in piles of banana cream pie, and Snotty…..well he exists.
Thanks to the sun hitting his face, the gleeful grin he wore gleamed bright as he made his way to a place very familiar to him. The skateboard he rode on zips through the city, heading towards the outskirts at blazing speeds. A small pizza restaurant appears in the distance, further encouraging The Noise to continue his journey.
Upon reaching the pizzeria, Noise stops at the entrance and kicks his skateboard forward with enough strength to send it flying. The window of the restaurant shatters instantly upon impact with the flying plank, sending shards of glass onto the floor inside.
"Hey!"
An older man with an almost high pitched Italian voice was heard, bringing an ecstatic grin to Noise's face. Knowing that his favorite person was inside, he jumps through the newly made hole in the window and lands in with a spin and a pose, one that screams annoying confidence.
"Surprise, Italian man!" He hops forward and lands on the counter. "I told you I'd make time for you."
"Unfortunately….." A portly, middle-aged Italian chef stood on the other side of the countertop, his low growl of a voice matched his current mood upon seeing the shorter yellow man standing there with a punchable grin. "What kind of hell am-a I in for today?"
"Awh, don't be that way," Noise sits down on the edge kicking his feet in the air playfully, "You know I like to make pranks on this day extra special!"
"Yeah-a, yeah-a, before you do tat-" Peppino walks off to the kitchen, leaving a very curious gremlin alone for a few seconds. "I need-a bit of help-a with something."
Noise steps down behind the counter once he sees the round chef return with something in his hand. A white bottle fresh from the fridge containing a liquid of equal color. The sight of it instantly brought up memories of the time he pranked Peppino with a bottle of 'not milk.'
"Gustavo decided to take the day off-a and I don't want to accidentally poison myself-a," Pep says while holding the bottle up to the smaller man. "You just need to take-a one sip and see if it has-a spoiled-a."
Noise stared at the Italian's always nervous expression with wide confused eyes, raising an eyebrow at the task he was just offered. A few seconds of silence later, it clicks, his lips forming a smug smile. "Ahhhh, you want to get back at me for that 'not milk' prank." He lets out a gleeful laugh and wiggles his finger side to side. "I'm sure that would've been a great prank, Italian man."
The laughter continued, bringing a feeling of disappointment to Peppino, frowning with exhausted looking eyes. "Oh…I get it-"
SWIPE
The swift hand of the Noise steals the milk bottle out of his hand, surprising Peppino with a startled yelp that almost made him fall backwards.
"But I ain't someone who turns down free food," Noise remarks, downing the bottle in one swig.
GLONCH
The results?
"Heh-" Noise shrugs, raising the glass bottle high above him, "-It is just milk."
Peppino lets out a dark chuckle that contradicts his calm smile and eyes. "And a bit of Xanax."
"Wha-"
And so, The Noise's world fades away into darkness.
When it did eventually come back, the world had become a whole lot darker. In fact, it was too dark to tell where The Noise was now, not that his blurred vision made it any easier to see. He shakes his head fast enough to refocus, slowly adjusting to the unfamiliar darkness.
"Ughh…..My head," He groaned softly, leaning back in what felt like a small wooden chair. Noise then noticed something above where he was sitting. A small lightbulb hovering-
FLASH
The bright light sends him back to confusion, forcing Noise to snap his head down to-
THUD
"Ow!" Noise felt the front of his head hit something solid and flat, hissing from the sudden pain.
"You might want to be standing up instead," The voice speaks, coming from behind his seat.
Noise's body froze in place, turning his head around to see-
"Peppino?!"
His surprised shout brought a grin to the Italian's face as he looked directly down at the small yellow man. His head blocked out the lamp's light, creating a dark shadow over Noise.
"About time you used my real name," Peppino chuckled calmly, strolling over to the other end of the table. Noise saw him disappear into the dark half of the room, leaving him wondering exactly what he had done to him.
Thanks to the now shining lamp above him, Noise finally sees the chair he was in and the wood table he hit himself on due to how tall it was compared to his height. He stands up on his chair, allowing him to see the rest of the table, including his now handcuffed hands which were attached to his end of the table.
Any attempt to pull his hands free was met with disappointment as the chain attached to the handcuffs was too short, forcing them to stay on the table. He wasn't even able to break them apart or slip them out, a trick that he usually did for his escape stunts.
Just as the Noise was about to bite the chain- "Keep your teeth, Noise," Peppino interrupted.
Two wide oval eyes appear in the void covered room in front of him. "You'll be needing them for our special….feast." With that, loud but distant footsteps created a slow, rhythmic sound.
Noise watched on with narrow eyes, his brows furrowed and his hands turned into tight fists. Whatever Peppino was planning, he clearly didn't wanna stick around to find out.
He begins yanking on the chains aggressively, stretching them out the further he pulls. And yet despite his efforts, they were still trapped in the metal handcuffs. It seems like Noise's struggle would never end, at least until…
A soft, yet familiar Italian song filled the room, sounding like it came from an old record player. The lyrics sang words of romance and beauty.
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore, when the world seems to shine like you had to much wine, that's amore,"
What should've provided Noise comfort and calm only further added to his doubts about the situation he was put in. Glancing back at the handcuffs, he let out a huff of defeat and rested them down on the table, tapping his fingers on the wood to pass the time.
The voice of Peppino hummed quietly with the song while his footsteps returned, slowly becoming louder. Stepping out of the shadows, the Italian man brings out what looks like a circular metal pan with something warm on it.
Despite being in the light, Noise couldn't exactly make out what the hell Peppino was wearing. That question would have to wait for now, at least until he figured out what was going on.
Peppino places the pan down in the middle of the table, his relaxed eyes finally opening to gaze at the first course.
A multi-layered pizza topped with cheese, peppers, mushrooms, tomato sauce, and sausage. The steam from the just baked pie reached Noise's nose, the scent….smells like rotten produce.
Noise winces, glaring at the pizza while hiding his nose in his hand. "You lookin' proud for someone who made a bad slice," Noise remarked. His eyes suddenly widened, shifting his sight towards Peppino.
"Ohhhh wait I get it," He points at Peppino with a cocky grin, "This whole 'serial killer' setup is just a way to get back at me today."
Noise laughs in his seat, unaware of the growing frown on Peppino's face. "That's so good, even I didn't think of that!" His cackling continued, drowning out the romantic music playing in the background.
Peppino slowly glances back at the fresh pizza cake, silently staring in thought. Then, an idea sparked, one that brought a calm grin to his face. "You know, considering what day it is-" His finger nudges the side of the pan, letting it slide across the table to Noise's trapped hands- "humor me."
The request brought a child-like grin to Noise's face. "Well, in the spirit of the holidays, why not," He shrugs, ready to claw his hands into the pizza cake. For once, it seemed like he was ready to put aside his pure hatred for that food for a good laugh.
His eyes shift down hungrily, only for them to widen at the sight of something gruesome.
Along with the regular ingredients rested a cut off portion of a face, more specifically, that of a pepper toon. There was also an eye socket where a bright blue eye should've been.
Then again, maybe this is part of the joke. This could just be a fake pepper. Right?
"Eheh…," Noise nervously chuckled, a shaky grin forming on his face. "Hey Pep, you know where Phill has been today?" Some of his words shook, attempting to hide his building fear.
Peppino's only response to this was a dark chuckle. "Oh, don't worry about him-" He walks away, returning to the dark side of the room once more- "he and everybody else has eaten well."
"Heh, by everyone you mean…." Noise looks ahead into the void, watching the Italian's eyes staring back at him.
"Oh yes. I mean everybody"
Three claps from Peppino's hands finally revealed the rest of the table, along with the entire room itself. The only words that escaped Noise's usually loud mouth was a soft, "Oh, god no….."
The walls around him were decorated with splattered cheeseslimes, all of which kept their now dead eyes. Just above his seat there were two skull mounts, one the left being the head of a Swedish Monkey and the right a Flying Anchovy mounted to look like an animatronic singing fish. Underneath those mounts, the words "Pizza Time Never Ends'' were painted in red. The tablecloth was made up of bright green goblin hides, stitched haphazardly together with small stains of dried blood.
The entire table was somehow even worse. The 'feast' Peppino mentioned was just as gruesome as the main course. A platter with spicy chicken wings circling around a cooked Bandito Chicken, though it was easy to notice that the bones sticking out of the wings were from a human hand. Pan-crisped italian sausages and peppers drizzled in spices and garlic, made up of sliced Weenies from the Peppibot Factory and chopped Pencers from Ancient Cheese. Diced limbs and bodies of Potato Farmers, Eggplantmobiles, and Peasantos were the main ingredients in an italian styled salad, drizzled in ranch of course. And for the last dish, suckling Hamkuff with a honeycrisp apple in its mouth.
Noise's wide eyes of horror slowly moved side to side, noticing a tied up Mr. Stick sitting left of the table and a worried but equally trapped Gustavo sitting to the right.
Stick's usually bright orange suit was damaged with tears and blood stains, his matching fedora missing which revealed purple bruises on his head, and his hands were trapped under the rope that held his body in the chair he was sitting in. Narrow, tense eyes hid behind his fractured glasses, glaring silently back with a grimace.
The damages done to Gustavo were only present in his apron and chef's hat, and barely a bruise could be seen on his body. Thanks to his smaller, gnome-like size, his legs and hands were the only things tied to his chair. As he looked back at Noise, his eyes softened, resembling an almost mournful sorrow.
Noise returned his attention back to Peppino who was standing at the other end of the table with a wide manic grin and a brand new outfit. His black shirt was replaced by a cloaked amalgamation, quilted from the skins of almost every enemy he fought in the tower. Some stitched sections still had faces and limbs attached, one of which Noise swore had belonged to Vigilante. On his back were two wings, one made from a Flying Anchovy and the other from a Pepperoni Goblin Bat. Two horn-like tails were also seen, most likely belonging to a Bad Rat.
"Impressed," Peppino asked, taking a step back to allow the Noise a better view of his macabre attire. "I apologize if the decorations are a bit lacking," He walks over to the record player and removes the needle, placing the room back into silence, "Sometimes you have to work with what you have."
Noise's silence finally broke, only able to utter a single question to the insane Italian.
"You've lost your mind….."
Peppino snaps his head back instantly. "But I found something even better!" A wicked laugh bounces around the room, making the already disturbing atmosphere even worse.
Mr. Stick silently scowled, clenching his bound fists. Gustavo could only watch with worry and growing fear. As for Noise, his already sick stomach grew even more uneasy, his cuffed hands trembling on the table.
After thirty seconds of laughter, Peppino finishes with a calm sigh. "But, we can't start off this feast without the appetizers." He strolls away from the record player and sinks once more into the darkness, leaving the three alone for god knows how long.
Feeling like this is the only safe time to talk, Noise leans forward and rests his chin on his hand, glancing back and forth at Stick and Gustavo. "Stick, Gus," his voice quivered, attempting to keep it at a whisper. "What the hell is going on?! This has to be a bad joke right?!"
No response came from either of them. Just silence as they stared back at him. Noise's other hand grips the table, his gloved nails clawing slowly at the wood.
"Guys," his voice grows softer, removing his chin from his hand and standing straight up.
Peppino returns from the darkness, pushing a small cart towards the table. On it were three plates, each one covered by a dome lid made of shining silver. From the bottom of each cover, steam slowly rises, heat and smells merging together.
His breath blows against the steam cloud, pushing it away from the cart. Most of it lands on Noise, allowing the scents to hit his nostrils. Two different kinds of meat, and seafood.
Peppino stops the cart behind Gustavo, his finger hovering over each lid as if to choose which one to serve. Noise was the only one willing to observe Peppino, feeling a sense of morbid curiosity. If he was able to make those horrid meals before, who knows what could be underneath those domes?
The suspense ends with Peppino picking up the left plate, placing it down in front of a tense Stick.
"Your taste in food is as rich as your piggy bank," Peppino spoke with a wide grin, baring his teeth. "At least the one you stole from me.
"So I made you-" His hand grips the lid handle and lifts it up, revealing the dish in a small cloud of steam- "Shrimp Thug Cocktail."
Five cooked Shrimp Thugs rested on the edges of a martini glass filled with cocktail sauce and garnished with a lemon resting on the sauce and a toothpick sword with two dead Olive Troopers stabbed though.
Stick's body cringes, his frown turns into an uncomfortable snarl. How was he expected to eat this? It didn't help that Peppino was currently staring at him with a calm, unsettling smile.
"And don't waste a single bite. That's lost money right there." Peppino turns back to the cart and retrieves the right plate, placing it in front of Gustavo while standing behind his chair.
"Here's to my only, true, friend in this world," Peppino's hand reaches over Gus's shoulder and pulls off the dome, revealing-
"A Stupid Rat." Two small stupid rats were roasted on a plate sized stick, their backs covered in seasoning and spices. "Rotisserie style."
Gustavo sinks his head into his shoulders, glancing away with his head down. Even though it wasn't his friend Brick on that stick, seeing those poor animals be cooked alive was very heartbreaking to him.
"Hmph, guess I should've made it a stew," Peppino muttered, turning around and looking back with disappointment. He takes the last plate available, lowering it in front of a fearful Noise.
"You know," He stares with a calm smirk, his fingers balancing on top of the lid handle, "Your girlfriend was a really big help with these meals."
A sudden gasp comes from Noise.
"Noisette," He whispered, staring down at the dome in front of him.
"You want to know how I thanked her?" Peppino's hand grips the handle firmly, never breaking eye contact with Noise.
"No…." Noise muttered softly, his breath becoming quicker.
"I made her a snack."
Noise's body trembles, frozen in place while his breathing grows louder. That bastard couldn't have done….oh god what if he did?
Peppino's smirk grew wider, switching his attention back and forth from Noise's expression to the lid which he slowly cracked open, allowing a small release of steam.
Then….
"NO!"
Noise snaps his head away from the now revealed plate, keeping his eyes shut from whatever horror was in front of him.
"Hehehe…."
Peppino….laughs? This laughter becomes louder, sounding like it was genuinely funny. Noise slowly reveals his eyes, looking back at him with terrified confusion.
He glances down at the plate, realizing what was in front of him now. Rather than a morbid meal, it was a rather normal looking burger with a bunny shaped bun, coated in pink sauce and topped with a small whipped cream mountain. The burger itself was made up of two patties; a pink one topped with sliced yellow cheese and red, thinner covered with swiss chard. Resting on the bottom bun was two red tomato slices, sticking out in a way that almost resembled feet.
"C'mon! You really think I would be that crazy," Peppino cackles, slamming his fist against the desk. The action brought visible discomfort to a watching Stick and Gustavo, simultaneously glancing at each other with concern.
Noise blinks twice, letting a soft chuckle escape his mouth. Another one came out, forming a crooked smile. His chuckles slowly change into a laughing fit, grinning alongside Peppino.
"Oh man! You really got me that time!" Noise smacks his hand on his head despite being handcuffed.
While he laughed, Peppino's own laughter calmed down, grinning softly at Noise.
Noise ended his laughing fit by taking the burger in his hand, leaning his back against the chair he stood in. "I knew you had a sense of humor! A kinda twisted one maybe, but it's pretty damn funny!"
"Well, I hope you enjoy it," Peppino replies calmly.
Noise takes a single bite, hearing a soft crunch in his mouth.
"Noisette did put her heart into it after all."
With wide eyes, Noise slowly pulls the burger away, feeling a strange liquid in his teeth. He stares down at the bite he took, seeing deep red juices drip from the meat. The thick feeling in his mouth made him realize exactly what he ate.
Peppino chuckles softly, hearing the sounds of vomiting coming from Noise.
Noise lifts his head from under the table, wiping his mouth on his costume sleeve. Despite expelling the burger, the red refused to leave his teeth. Gasping for breath, Noise snaps his head to Peppino with eyes of pure horror.
"YOU BASTARD," He shouts, finally broken with rage and confusion. "Why are you doing this to me?!"
A frown suddenly appears on Peppino's face. "Why?" He walks to the right side of Noise's chair. "Why ask a question you already know the answer to?"
Noise's eyes followed Peppino, his horrified expression looking up at him. "Those were just pranks. You really didn't think I actually wanted to-"
"Of course you did!" Peppino's sudden slam on the desk startled Stick and Gustavo while also making Noise duck down in his chair. "Your antics have been responsible for making my life miserable. All of my work and talent ruined by your horrible jokes!
Peppino takes a deep breath, changing his voice to a calm tone. "But, today that changes. Today, I will create the best pizza this town has ever seen." He reaches into the inside of his cloak, pulling what looked to be a chainsaw pizza cutter from his back. "All I need is your help."
Noise couldn't form any response to the scene in front of him. It was official to him. Peppino had snapped and was gonna use his body for pizza ingredients.
Peppino looks down and the weapon in his hands and starts trying to turn it on, pulling on the handle to start the engine.
Seeing him do this, Noise leans his head down to his cuffed hands, allowing him to reach into his mask.
With one last yank of the handle, the pizzasaw engine comes to life, the blade spinning with intensity. "Finally," Peppino chuckles darkly, turning his eyes back to the now empty chair.
"Huh?!" Peppino darts around, noticing the now broken handcuffs scattered on the table. "Where did he-"
WHAM
A red baseball bat knocks him in the cheek, making Peppino topple to the ground and drop his weapon. Standing in front of him was a pissed off Noise holding said bat in his hands.
"Don't stay there! Just run," Sticks shouts with intense anger.
Noise didn't have any time to retort back because Peppino was already getting up, his hand reaching over to search for his pizzasaw.
Noise puts away his bat and looks around frantically, spotting the way out.
"A door," He exclaims, quickly running over just as Peppino's hand grip the pizzasaw.
Noise leaps onto the door and grips the doorknob, twisting and pulling on it without any progress. Each attempt to move it resulted in a faint click.
The roaring of the pizzasaw returns, bringing intense fear to Noise. He turns his head around to see an insane Peppino with a manic grin.
"Pizza time never ends! Noise!"
Noise leaps off the door just as the pizza cutter rips a hole into the door, running off into one of the corners of the room. His hand quickly disappears into his hat, searching desperately for something to get him out of this chaos.
"Don't bother searching," Peppino growls, aiming his weapon back to Noise. "I took care of most of your toys."
Noise brings out his bat again, taking a step back away from the Italian.
"I get that you're angry," Noise's voice stumbled with hesitation, "but can we please just talk about this instead?"
"What do you think," Peppino replies, charging forward as The Noise leaps over him.
With another swing, he hits Peppino directly in the back-
CRACK
Which sadly creates a short lived victory as the bat pretty much breaks from the impact.
This time however, when Peppino dropped the pizzacutter, the engine died out, rendering it unusable as smoke came out from the handle.
Peppino groans from the impact, rubbing his back before slowly turning back to a cowering Noise, backing away slowly into the wall behind him.
"I was gonna make it quick, albeit messy," Peppino starts walking forward to the Noise, his shadow looming over the small yellow man, "but I'll make sure you regret everything you've done to me."
Noise stares up at Peppino, curling up against the wall and holding his hands up in front of him. "Ok, ok I'm sorry! I get it now! None of the pranks I did was any fun, but this isn't funny either!"
"Exactly!"
A cheery sounding voice broke the horror, causing Noise to open his damp eyes. To his shock, everyone Peppino claimed he killed was surrounding him, looking at Noise with a smug smile. Even Gustavo and Stick were in the crowd smiling. Standing in front of a smug Peppino was Noisette, perfectly fine and giggling.
"April Fools," the pink lady cheers, letting everyone else chuckle at Noise's dumbfounded expression.
"I….I….I…what?!" Noise could only stare on in confusion and building anger.
"We planned the whole thing together," Peppino explains, crossing his arms while glancing down at Noise.
"I crafted the display food," Pepperman holds up the plastic suckling pig, taking out the apple and squeezing it, crushing the clay.
"The only actual food you ate was the veggie burger, cooked by yours truly," Vigilante did a small bow, tipping his hat.
"And I did all the costumes," Noisette says, holding up Peppino's robe while Gustavo and Mr Stick rub off the bruises and blood.
Noise looked at everyone, unable to form any response to everything he was told. All of it was fake, but the consequences felt so real to him. The only thing he could honestly say was "I hate everything you told me."
Noise looks down in defeat, sounding more softer. "But I think I get it now…..you still gonna beat me up now, Pep?"
"I think making you undo all of your pranks today is karmatic enough. Unless you count whatever the hell I just did," Peppino shrugs, holding his hand out to Noise.
Slowly, Noise grips back, pulling himself up from the ground. "Congrats still for out-pranking the prankster."
"Don't get funny," Peppino warns.
Noisette walks forward and pulls Noise to her, giving him a comforting kiss on his cheek. "I'll help him, you guys just clean up."
Everyone else starts to leave the basement while Pepperman, Vigilante, Gus, and Stick stay around to clean up the area.
As Noise and Noisette left alongside the rest, only one thing stayed in Noise's mind.
Even though it was a prank, would Peppino really lose his mind? Would there be a day where he finally had enough?
It was only a matter of time and fucking around.
Oh well, at least Peppino got to make his Pizzacake.