February 2023

Rose saw Dimitri's car in the parking lot and walked toward it. She looked through the window and saw Dimitri sitting behind the wheel, fast asleep. She rapped on the window, and he opened his eyes, startled.

"Are you all right?" she asked as he emerged from the car.

Dimitri nodded. "I just have a hard time staying awake sometimes. I can't sleep at night, you know. Because of my congestive heart failure, I keep having to get up and pee all night."

She took his hand and they strolled toward the restaurant. A few minutes later, they were sitting across from each other, enjoying an Asian buffet.

"No matter what happens to me, I hope you'll always remember this special Valentine's dinner we're having," said Dimitri as he took a bite of sweet and sour chicken.

"What do you mean?" asked Rose, feeling an ice cold finger at the base of her spine.

"I don't think I have much time left," said Dimitri. "Besides congestive heart failure, I also have sleep apnea. Sometimes I stop breathing when I'm asleep." He lowered his voice. "Another thing is that when my second marriage was falling apart, I developed a serious drinking problem. I got really depressed, too, and even tried to kill myself a couple of times."

"Oh my God!" Shocked, Rose slammed her drink down a little too hard, and some of it splashed out. "Didn't you get counseling?"

Dimitri nodded. "I did, and it helped some. My drinking's mostly under control now, but I still get really down sometimes."

Rose blew on her egg drop soup. "You mean you still want to kill yourself?"

"Sometimes."

"But you have all those kids and grandkids," Rose pointed out.

"Sometimes I feel like none of them really care about me."

"Well, I really care about you," said Rose.

"I know." Dimitri wiped his mouth with a napkin. "It's hard living with everything I have to live with."

"You mean your physical problems?"

"Yeah. That, mostly. Also, my relationship with my kids isn't that great. I mostly missed Jessica's childhood. After the divorce, Gina and her new husband moved to California. And I only see Adam four times a year - Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and his birthday."

"I'm sorry." Rose didn't know what else to say.

"It's all right," said Dimitri.

It occurred to Rose that she'd never told him about the two babies she'd lost.

Several weeks later, Rose got a message on Facebook from a woman named Sally.

"You don't know me, but I work with Dimitri," Sally wrote. "He talks about you all the time, so I know who you are. I'm worried about him. He seemed really down at work today. I'm afraid he might try to kill himself again."

"I'll try to reach him," Rose messaged back.

For the rest of that evening, she texted to Dimitri on both Facebook and her phone, but got no response. She called him and left a message, but he never called back. At nine thirty, she finally received another message from Sally.

"He's fine. Jessica's with him."

He could have let me know himself, Rose thought crossly.

The following weekend, Dimitri messaged Rose on Facebook that he was checking himself into the hospital. She rushed to meet him in the emergency room.

"I can't lie down because my back hurts so much," he told her. "All I can do is sit here on the side of the bed."

"Can't they give you something for the pain?" asked Rose.

"It doesn't help."

Eventually, a nurse arrived with a wheelchair to transport Dimitri to his room, and Rose went home.

The following Monday morning, Dimitri called Rose and told her and told her he needed a ride to work from the hospital. Right away, she drove to the hospital, picked him up, and took him to the office where he worked,

She didn't hear from him at all for the rest of that week. On Friday morning, she sent Sally a message on Facebook.

"Dimitri was fired," Sally wrote back. "I'm worried about him, too. Please let me know if you find anything out."

Rose drove to Dimitri's apartment. She walked in to find him lying on his back in bed, staring at the ceiling.

"I heard you were let go," she said.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," said Rose. "Are you gonna look for something else?"

"I'll start looking for another job on Monday."

Rose sat beside him on the bed. One of his streaming services was on. It was a movie she didn't recognize. "What's this?"

"Saving Private Ryan." Dimitri still lay on his back. He didn't sit up to look Rose in the eyes. Rose shifted so she could see his face.

"Have you thought about seeing if you can go back to your job part time?"

"I've thought about it."

After an awkward half hour or so, Rose returned home.

She came back to his apartment Saturday morning to spend most of the day with him, as was their usual routine, and things seemed almost normal again.

The following Monday, she returned to find him still lying flat on his back, holding a huge bottle of vodka this time.

"I thought you were going to look for a job today."

"Maybe later." From the way his voice was slurred, she could tell he'd drunk a lot.

"Did you even eat breakfast this morning?" she asked.

"No."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember."

"Did you eat anything yesterday?"

"No."

"Do you even have any food?"

"Not much."

"I'll bring you some tomorrow."