Chapter 24: Adrift

"There is only hope that we can learn. We can change, right? We can do better. We can't undo what we've already done. We cannot undo the past, because the future continues to come to us."

- Grey's Anatomy

Marriage, there was something strange about that word for Jay. He and Hailey only argued after his request, she was still insisting that they have a relationship, but Jay was completely pissed off by all the lies. After Voight said that the best idea was for them to get married to save Upton's work on intelligence, he left quietly and didn't even talk much to Erin and Charlotte.

His thoughts were on earlier today, it wasn't just Voight who texted, Hailey too, she asked if they could have breakfast together because they needed to talk. At the time he didn't think she and Hank were connected, but now... had Voight already talked to her about this? Or is it because of the Ivory Tower? He really doesn't know and since he wants answers, after the meeting he needs to meet with Hailey.

-I'm a little nervous...-says Erin taking the detective out of her thoughts.

She talked to him a few times, receiving "yes", "no" and "uhmm" in response and sometimes not even that, she understood that he wasn't in the mood to talk, when she asked how the conversation with Hank went he said shoulders and she didn't push further or press him to tell, not even a question if he was okay because she knew that in a way he was, but something in their conversation made him that much more distant. Not that Erin didn't want to know and she was even afraid that Voight had said something about their closeness, but she'd let it go in her time and he was grateful for that. They both understood each other without even exchanging a word, even after 4 years they still remembered those details.

- Don't worry, they all love you, like you said, we're family. - he says reassuringly.

- Yes, but I left without saying a word and now I'm back commanding the unit, I hope they don't get upset.

- They won't, because they will understand the story, understand what you are doing. - Without thinking too much, he takes a hand off the steering wheel and puts it over hers, their eyes meet and both smile at each other.

They knew that everything they felt for each other was stored there, but it was so protected that they both refused to admit it was there and it was just both of them respecting the friendship they had, nothing more.

- Look if it's not my giggling girl...

Charlotte was quiet in the car as she was watching a movie, but as soon as she saw Trudy she smiled kindly at the gray haired woman. Jay kept his thought to himself, but he couldn't help but smile. He was the giggling detective, so he was happy to think that he might have something in common with the 3 year old, even if she wasn't his.

- Hi sergeant... - says the agent while Trudy doesn't even give a clue, she's trying to entertain the girl. - Let's go up to the meeting. - informs laughing and Jay doesn't even try.

- Leave her to me. - Asks and only Jay notices how she said "leave it" as if they needed the authorization of both.

- Hey sunshine, do you want to stay here with Sergeant Platt? -asks the girl's mother, but Charlotte throws herself into her mother's arms hiding her face in her neck like she did earlier and laughs as she looks at Jay and then he feels it's her cue.

- Hmm... princess, what do you think about staying here with Trudy? She is already very old and cannot work properly. - he says knowing that she wouldn't do anything out of respect for Charlotte, but that didn't stop the older woman from staring at him with a killer look and Lindsay laughing at the provocation. - You can be a sergeant for a day, look how cool.

With that, Jay managed to convince the girl, laughing and ignoring when Trudy threatened him silently.

- Lindsay? - Atwater who asks in surprise. - Did something happen to the sergeant? - asks worriedly.

- Hi... - She smiles at everyone before continuing. - He's fine, he's still stubborn, but little by little he's getting better. - Answers the man and leaving everyone a little calmer. - I'm here for the meeting. - account.

- No one from the AI has arrived yet. - Ruzek comments.

- Today it will be just us, before they come here and start explaining things. - Lindsay tells and it intrigues everyone.

Hailey watches the exchange, today she asked Jay for coffee, he declined, said he was busy and now arrives with Lindsay beside her. This makes her a little irritated, but she ignores it, she has something more important on her mind right now. She and Hank were warned that they would be under investigation. The only person who knew absolutely everything was Lindsay and she wasn't too happy about it, so maybe she snitched.

The blonde bristled at the thought. Lindsay's morals have changed, but apparently only when it's not her case or problem. Hailey almost lost her job that she had barely started years ago because of her partner's recklessness and don't get her wrong, Upton had a lot of respect for Erin, the woman didn't hesitate to help and receive her very well at that time , but that fell apart after Lindsay almost lost everything, the team demonstrated that they would stand by Erin even after what she did and as a thank you the former detective left without saying anything.

Looking back Hailey thinks Lindsay hasn't been in a good frame of mind since they started working together and she should have been sidelined back then. Lindsay made a big mistake and she's still here, being graced like she didn't do anything wrong, like she didn't let everyone down all those years ago.

- What happened? - Kevin asks again.

- Marcus's case is being investigated... - finally the eyes of the two women meet.

- They found the body and say Voight is involved. - comments Kim, but no one is surprised.

- Listen, I think the less we know about this, the better. It's not something we have to solve, what we solve is intelligence because...

- He was removed and we are under investigation. - completes Ruzek.

- In fact, they wanted to wipe out the intelligence or put one of them under the command of the unit. - says Halstead and leaves everyone awestruck.

- What will we do? Kim asks.

- I need you to trust me... - she starts, but looks at Jay who gives her a look and smile that encourages her. - If you're okay with that, I'll replace Voight temporarily. - begins, all even more shocked.

- Until Voight gets back? - asks the blond officer.

- Hank won't come back anymore, he wasn't removed, they made a deal with him and I made a deal with them.

- Are you saying that you allied with Ivory Tower and removed Voight from office? - Detective Upton asks her first irritated question.

- No...

- Sorry, but that's what it looks like... - mockery.

- Hailey... - Jay draws attention.

- Listen, I admire your work and everything, but you left before, nobody knows why nobody knows the reason, we just know that we were almost destroyed by your mistake. - She points irritated. - And now, you say that Voight won't come back? Who made a deal with IT? Is this serious? Honestly, it's really hard for me to believe that you quit your job at the FBI just for "family", you must have been offered a job, so it's fine with Voight being removed and you in his place. -she says leaving everyone shocked with her words. She attacked Lindsay without even finishing explaining herself, but unlike what everyone thinks, the FBI agent didn't let her down.

- I didn't ally myself with anyone. Voight knew it was time to stop...

- Yes I know. Hank Voight voluntarily retired.

- No, I asked. - confesses. - It was the best and as I was saying I made an agreement with the Ivory Tower, I will take over and they will put a detective here, we will be investigated, but only the decisions from now on, they will not search the past. - Hailey laughs sarcastically.

- You're lying, I was warned yesterday...

- This is your problem with Voight that I prefer you talk to me in private. - Halstead interrupts.

- I don't think you should keep secrets from us. - says Adam.

- It's not a secret, it's the best for you, for the team, there's nothing you can help, but you can harm yourself. - he explains.

- I'm here temporarily because none of you is a sergeant, they couldn't let detectives or officers without the title of sergeant assume. As I have, I managed to convince them that neither you nor intelligence should be affected and I offered that Jay take the sergeant's exam. - Lindsay explains and breathes relieved when Adam and Kevin smile. Kim looks thoughtful and Hailey looks surprised.

- You're finally going to become a sergeant, we were thinking you'd never take the exam. - Kevin says and pulls Jay into a hug.

- How did you get this? Hailey asks. - You're from the FBI and...

- This matters? - Erin asks.

- Does it matter, who guarantees that we are not being used? That you're not playing Jay at your little game?

- Because she sacrificed herself so that intelligence would not sink. - Jay starts irritated. - Twice...

-Jay ...-Erin calls out when she notices everyone's curious gaze.

- When Erin did what I'm sure in her place we all would have done years ago, if she stayed in intelligence she would take everyone down, moreover, she was threatened, she would not only lose her job, she would lose her badge. She went to NY in an attempt to save herself and intelligence...

- It was consequences of her mistake. -she says irritated.

- It might be, but not anymore. Now she has nothing to do with what's going on, she could have turned her back, but once again she accepted being in IT's crosshairs so we wouldn't pay for other people's mistakes. - Jay looks into Hailey's eyes, so that she understands that she is part of this group of people. - She will stay here just so that we don't pay for the mistakes of others and I think that if you want to ask questions and remove your suspicions, you shouldn't attack, you are completely wrong and attacking for no reason...

- I'm sorry I... - Hailey stares at everyone, her gaze going to Erin and ending with Jay. - I'm sorry... - she can't say more and then leaves.

- What is happening? She has been very strange these days ...-comments Kim, her question is for Jay.

"She's not well, which is no reason to act like this..." He looks at Lindsay. - She's been going through a period of stress, I think I'd better talk to her. - He says and goes after the blonde.

Hailey went down the back and sat in the garage while she cried. Ever since she'd killed Marcus she hadn't felt well, she'd been completely scared, mixed emotions probing through her, she'd been saddened by the way she'd pushed Jay away. He was still beside her, but not like before and seeing Erin getting more attention made her irritable.

- Hailey... - she hears the man calling, but she was having a crying fit and couldn't answer. - Hey... breathe... look at me. - he asks as he approaches. He puts a hand on her shoulder and she looks up at him, they both breathe together until she calms down.

-I'm sorry...-she manages to say when she controls her breathing. - There's a lot going on, I shouldn't have treated Erin that way. -she starts and Jay nods, but interrupts her.

- You have to tell her that. I know you have a lot on her plate right now but she has nothing to do with it and yet she is here to help everyone and help you. - he says and she hears the anger in his voice. Upton noticed Halstead's protectiveness towards Lindsay, she knows that he usually defends everyone and is against injustice, but she feels, maybe it's just a certain jealousy, but she feels that when it comes to his ex partner, he gets more defensive, don't let anyone say anything about her, it's a different kind of protection, it seems...

- I'll talk to her, I promise. -she promises. - But I'm so scared Jay, so tired. I can't sleep well, I think they're going to strip me of intelligence... actually I think they're going to take my badge. Erin was on work and threatened a pedophile, I killed a guy and they don't like Voight and they know we went there, if they would take Lindsay's badge for a lot less they sure as hell won't hesitate to take mine. I know it, I don't know what to do.

- Hey, they won't take your badge, you won't get out of intelligence, I promise.

- You can't promise that Jay. You weren't even wanted, they know you weren't involved, they came to me and to Voight, they have a witness who saw me coming right after Voight and they're going to take you and Erin as a witness. I know she won't lie, she told me that the day she took me out of the house and I'm not going to make you lie and if I go to trial they'll find out there's no way out there's no way I can get away of that. - says crying.

- There is, I'll fix it, there has to be a way out Hailey.

- It has... - She wipes the tears, but some still insist on flowing. - Let's get married, if you marry me you can't testify against me. I know we're not in the best of times right now, but I love you, you love me, and I think once I get rid of this, we'll be fine. I see how you look at Charlotte, we can start our Jay family, we just need to work this out, I know when this passes I'll be fine, we'll be fine. Let's get married, what do you say?

"Fear is the excuse that everyone always gives."

- Grey's Anatomy