A/N-Thank you for the feedback and I loved the emotional reviews. I think this chapter will help us get inside of Anakin's perspective a bit.

Chapter 13

Love is the hardest emotion to rid of. It binds us to the entire galaxy- to the force- to our friends and family. And those that we love unexpectedly. When there is a loss of a love, there is a gaping wide hole in our hearts- and nothing can fill that void- it scars over and mends but is never fully healed. This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker.

The rest of the week had passed by at its normal pace- work, pickup Tsbain, spend time with her, and then put her to bed and do it all over again. It is a comfortable routine Anakin has found over the past three years and a cycle that has left him fulfilled in such a sense but a complete void within that gaping hole where Sabe' had been. That hole had mended and scarred over with time and patience and he had shunned all emotions or thoughts of ever feeling that way again.

That was until his Angel graced his life. She had been lighting up his world for weeks now and had made a part of him hopeful of something akin to love fluttering to life between them. That was until he saw that they were a different places in life; she needed most of her life to devote to her planet and a new career. He- well his comfortable cycle and routine with his daughter. The galaxy didn't need the Hero without Fear anymore and Anakin had let go of that life- of that devotion. He let it all go because it was time to put his daughter first.

He and Sabe' hadn't put each other first when it came to their marriage. The citizens of the galaxy came first, when it meant date nights, overnight trips, even their brief honeymoon had been cut short due to the war beginning to escalate and they needed every abled Jedi within the sector. Their marriage had been one of sacrifices and of rainchecks all because neither of them wanted to bend when it came to their careers- or their futures. Neither felt they should be so selfish to think of each other first- the galaxy always won. In a way though it had set back their marriage and caused them to grow apart and grow without the other.

Sabe' had grown within her experience as a Senator and he as a Jedi Knight, but none of it was together. Anakin knew now even though they had tried to make their marriage work, if they hadn't had the imminent death of one of the other, they probably would have had a failed marriage. It wouldn't have been quick- it would have drone on, and over time. Over the time of Tsbain growing up and they growing apart because of duty and excuses or missing dinners or plans with their daughter. In his heart he knew they would have grown further apart and eventually given up on their marriage. He had loved her deeply, but now he is a single father with a mended void.

He has caused another void within his own beating heart. He had felt it the moment he had chosen to give up the idea of a relationship other than a friendship with his Angel. The ache wasn't dull, it hurt like seven sith hells with their fire burning at his flesh every single minute he replayed their conversation in his mind.

It was the right thing to do. She has so much to give to the galaxy and shouldn't be tied down to someone who has a child and other responsibilities.

At least that is the mantra he has used the last three days without her. He knows she will need space and time apart and she'll come to understand his reasonings. But deep down that young selfish part of him wants to give in, get on his knees, and beg for her forgiveness. To beg her to not listen to his idiot mature self and to work on their relationship so that they aren't doomed to failure. That what they have is real.

Force knows he knows it's real. He hasn't felt such an easy connection with someone- rather a romantic connection with someone ever. It hadn't been easy with Sabe'. He had cared about her from the time he met her when he was nine and she was 14. They had met again when he was 19 and she 24. He had been obsessed with her- even in his dreams but what 19-year-old male wouldn't? She had been a Senator, young and beautiful an compassionate- all things he had loved about Sabe'. But they hadn't gotten along all the time and a lot of times she chastised him for acting immature or rather his age. She had been right of course, and he knew that now being older but he had resented the disputes deep down.

With Padme' the connection was different. From the moment he had met her, he felt pulled like a string tying them together. It felt easy to talk with her- even about Sabe'. It didn't feel like a chore to talk with her about the future or their interests. She even understood his regrets and grief from the war. That part of him he hadn't even shared with Sabe' because she couldn't understand it. She didn't know what it was like to be on the front lines in a job that you could either live or die each day. She may have worried about him, but she didn't put herself in danger like Padme' had. Padme' knew what it was like to wonder if you would live or die the next day- to lose comrades and friends and to shove everyone you love away because they don't understand your pain- and they don't understand why you don't want to talk about it. He had pictured a life with her- even seen visions of them together- with Tsbain and two more children. Two children that because of him may not ever live because he has chosen to diverge paths with her. He hadn't admitted the day he told her they could only be friends that he was falling for her because he wanted to shield himself from the heartbreak.

And yet here he is three days passed with that gaping hole in his chest. Knowing he screwed up. The whisky slides down from his shot glass as he sits on his barstool. He sits drinking alone- brooding over his choices in life. He licks his lips and tastes the sweet honey of the fine whisky. He sighs and eyes the chrono clock. It's half past 10 and Tsbain had gone to bed over an hour ago. Everything had been fine that day until Tsbain had asked to see Padme' this weekend. She had said she missed her.

That was when Anakin knew he'd need a few drinks before bed. He is on his second shot when his comm. link begins to buzz. His eyes dance to his comm. link hoping its Ashoka or Obi-wan. He needs a friend to talk to- to listen to his screw ups once again and to tell him how to fix this. He doesn't know how to fix this.

Yet when his eyes land on the name crossing his screen, his brow is crossed in confusion. It buzzes for the third time and he tries to still the pounding in his chest.

Padme'

Her name glides across his mind and over his lips as he chooses to answer her. He waits for her to begin and she clears his throat.

" Hi? I hope its not too late," She says softly.

A grin passes over his lips hearing her voice. He had missed hearing her speak- it didn't matter if its only been three days.

" No- it's fine. I'm still up," He murmurs, trying to keep the eagerness of her call out of his voice.

" Okay," She sighs and chuckles a bit. " How's Tsbain?"

He smiles and suggests, " Good- she's been asking about you."

Padme's chuckle crosses the line and his heart pangs once more.

Your such an idiot. Why would you give up this angel?

" Tell her I will try to see her soon. Eirate had me working until nine tonight so I- uh just got home." Padme' suggests, making note of how exhausted she sounds.

" Are you enjoying your new position?" He asks, trying to keep their conversation light and one of not sorrow and regret.

" Mostly- it's a lot to learn. I'm sure it will get easier after a few weeks. I- actually called to give you an update. Palo sent me a list of who he wants to invite and the list of possible desserts and entrees. He would like one of us or both of us to double-check the guest list within a week's time and the menu as well." Padme' adds, sounding more businesslike and more like she had at the beginning of their friendship.

Anakin swallows- hearing that tone with her meant she hadn't called just to say hello. His heart sinks desiring her to want to call just to chat with him. He yearns to have the easiness in their conversations; the eagerness to share with one another their events at work and what Tsbain had done while she was away from home. He yearned for more and had gone and thrown it away for what? For these meager conversations over the fundraiser?

She needs time and space. She'll come to see their friendship is important to him and her. It won't always be like this.

" Anakin?"

Her quiet voice comes over the silence of his thoughts. He blinks and says, " Yes, I can look them over the weekend and part of next week if needed. I know you are busy this weekend-"

He pauses unsure of how to continue other than offer his help whenever he can.

" That is very kind of you. I can double-check them once you're finished. Just give me a call and I'll look them over as well." She says simply.

There is no easiness within the silence of the pause. He knows one of them will have to say goodbye first. He waits for her to say farewell- waiting for his heart to shatter once more with their distance. He waits, takes a sip of his whisky waiting for the goodbye. He swallows down the ache in his heart and doesn't know what to say. It's too late to apologize for being a jackass. He is at a loss for his words and he sips another bit of his whisky. The silence is deafening.

" I'm sorry for not thinking of you and Tsbain," Her voice cuts across the silence.

He blinks and listens to her apologizing for their conversation days earlier. He doesn't know what to say to that. It had stung that she hadn't thought of how this would affect their relationship and the hours she'd put in over the past two days proved it even more. But he knows it was unfair of him to get angry over something so simple as a thought such as including a conversation with him about her future career. It isn't like they had been in a relationship for years- not even months. They had decided only a week before to try and see where this all went.

" Angel- an apology isn't necessary. It was wrong of me to assume you thought of us when deciding on your new position. I'm sorry for being rude and snapping at you. But I am serious about keeping you in our lives if that is what you want." He apologizes into his com. Link.

He hears a sigh cross her lips. There is a pause and her tone returns to that of the vulnerable one she had used the other day. " Of course, I want to be part of your lives- but I need space Anakin. I need to clear my head and be sure we can make this friendship work outside of our business partnership."

He listens as his heart droops to the floor. He knows he's royally screwed things up but there slight glimmer of hope within her statement makes him hope that with time they can try to be around each other- to have a friendship that includes cheerful visits with Tsbain at the park or anywhere she wants to go with them. He doesn't say the words he wants to say- he won't because it's too late for that now. Instead, he replies, " I know take all the time you need."

" Goodnight Anakin," She finally says.

"Goodnight Angel," He whispers back and the dead sound of the line makes him down his second drink.

Padme' hears the clicking of the other line and the tears come- brimming as they had for the last three nights. She had made it through each day because her day was busy and fulfilling, but in the dark of night, the silence made her dwell on her heartbreak. She sits placed at her kitchen countertop with a glass of red Nabooian wine. She had poured herself one knowing she needed the courage to call him, just to tell him of Palo's direct instructions.

Palo had been almost jubialee upon ringing her this afternoon during her dinner break. He had determined the guest list based on the most elite of Nabooian society- mainly those whose pockets are thickly lined with credits. Moreover, he had set a date for the gala to be in four weeks time as his gallery is fully booked for the beginning of the fall season and he would be changing over some of his artwork at that point. This put a crunch onto any free time Padme' would have in the coming weeks and she knew she couldn't complete everything by herself.

Her wine glass was half empty before she had called Anakin. Her heart aching as her mind has time to ponder on what she could have said to him- or what she yearns to tell him. She takes another sip of her wine and allows the tears to fall down her cheeks.

He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't even deserve your friendship.

Her words echo in her mind. Her brain is correct. He doesn't deserve her in his life, yet she knows she can't just walk away from him completely- nor Tsbain. The little girl who asked about her- who yearns to spend time with her friend Padme'. Padme' also knows it would hurt like hell to sever their ties forever.

" Gods, I'm a mess," She sniffles out onto her wine glass.

She hears the patter of soft ballet shoes entering the kitchen, hastily wipes her tears away, and notices it's her mother. Her mother notices her choice of wine and sighs. She perches herself onto a stool next to her and wraps her arm around her youngest.

" Work will only work to hide your heartbreak for so long," She murmurs, pouring herself a glass of wine as well.

Padme' nods silently, sipping the fruity wine, and peering over at her mother. They sit in silence and her mother just is there to comfort her. They sit peering out one another for a while, until her mother yawns and pats her back.

" Maybe you should cancel with Palo tomorrow, I think he would understand if you are feeling under the weather."

Padme bites her lip and murmurs, " I agree I'm in no condition to be wooed by anyone right now."

Her mother rubs her shoulder and replies, " Goodnight my dear."

" Goodnight mother," She whispers back almost like a child.

Her mother kisses her forehead and leaves her alone to her thoughts once more. Once more she won't sleep- once more she'll replay her words and his in her mind- wishing she could alter her words and tell him the truth- but it's too late. He made the choice for both of them.

To Be Continued