Despite the smile plastered upon his face, the Doctor was downright furious.
Though he may have wondered if the world of Harry Potter existed in some alternate universe before, he had never expected in his 903 years of living to have actually winded up there. While it may have been fine on another account, the fact of the matter was that he wasn't all too happy to have been transported there against his will. Not happy at all.
He had been tormented by a pesky poltergeist, imprisoned behind bars in an airy tower atop of Hogwarts, and tried to avoid his untimely death at the hands of the Whomping Willow before winding up back in his own universe thanks to the crack between worlds.
What made him even more irate was that someone had swapped his body with that of a human. A human. A lowly primitive ape.
As he walked down the pristine white hallway with fluorescent lights eerily flickering at interchanging intervals, the Doctor caught sight of the Cyberman standing there, as well as a smartly dressed man in a well-pressed black pinstripe suit. The man had neatly-parted slicked back gray hair and a thin mustache that was trimmed equally as crisp. Although the Doctor had never met him before, simply from the man's orderly appearance he recognized the figure of Barty Crouch Sr. standing before him.
When he heard more metal clanging behind him, as though the entire building were full of Cybermen, the gears in the Doctor's head seemed to be churning. The lone Cyberman he had encountered back in the Shrieking Shack had already hinted towards it, but now the Doctor scowled as his eyes flitted between Mr. Crouch and the Cyberman standing beside him.
As soon as he saw the two together, the Doctor flashed back to a couple years ago when he had found himself in an alternate world; another alternate world where, along with the zeppelins, were teeming with Cybermen and a man attempting to 'upgrade' everyone into one.
"Barty Crouch Sr.—Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation at the Ministry of Magic. Your name wouldn't happen to be John Lumic in my world, would it?" the Doctor asked nonchalantly as he strode up to the older wizard.
"How do you know that?" asked Lumic, a tad put off by the Doctor's knowledge.
"I've met you before. Well, another you. Well, another, another you. One from an alternate world. Well, another alternate world, not the one you're from," the Doctor explained. "What gets me, though, is that you seemed shocked to see me. What? I came here a little sooner than you expected?" he added snidely.
"It's quite extraordinary how similar the two of you look," Lumic's eyes were fixed on the Doctor, though he kept his wand pointed at Barty, keeping him pinned back behind the magical forcefield. "And from a near-extinct alien species…the odds were truly astronomical."
"Yeah, well, that's me—impossible," the Doctor remarked, tugging at his ear. "By the way, I would like to have my body back. Cause, no offense, your son's body is complete rubbish when you don't know any magic at all."
The Doctor added the last part offhandedly, which caused Barty to snap out of his stupor, completely offended.
"Hey! I'm right here you know!" he voiced his indignation, still trapped behind the magical forcefield by the foot of the TARDIS.
"I said no offense," the Doctor countered rudely, not even looking at Barty as he now stood face-to-face with Lumic. "And this isn't a request either. I mean it. You are going to put our bodies back right and shut down this entire Cybermen operation, or I will show you just what I'm capable of."
"And if I don't?" Lumic tested him.
"No second chances," the Doctor warned him coolly. "Why did you do this anyways? You've been alive this entire time. You altered Junior's memories that night in the Forbidden Forest to make him think he turned you into a bone. Why would you do that? How would you benefit from everyone thinking you're dead in your world?"
"Come, Doctor—you think you know more about… how did you put it? My 'own world' more than I do thanks to those precious books?" said Lumic with a small grin. "You really didn't think I would let Voldemort on to the fact that I've found a surefire way to defeat him and his band of dark wizards once and for all, did you? Not when I've finally managed to secure a Time Lord as my second-in-command."
"Only one problem—Time Lords can't be upgraded into Cybermen. I'm incompatible with your plans… Oh! Idiot!"
The Doctor slapped a hand to his forehead as understanding flowed through his mind.
"The only way to get your hands on a Time Lord mind was to humanize it. And why wouldn't you do it? I mean, I don't like to brag, but I do have quite the big brain filled with all sorts of knowledge, me. Oh, that is… that is clever," the Doctor couldn't help but marvel at the ingenious of it all. "The wizarding world won't know what hit them, will they? All to become Minister of Magic, eh?"
"Cornelius Fudge is nothing more than a bumbling fool," Lumic spat.
"Well—" the Doctor and Barty both began with a shrug, seemingly agreeing that Lumic had a point, before turning to look at one another. They each raised a single eyebrow in response to the other's identical actions.
"His actions with the dementor last night was telling enough," Lumic continued, ignoring the both of them. "Fudge is willing to deny Lord Voldemort's rise in order to lull the wizarding world into a false sense of security. But these Cybermen—they will do the trick in not only defeating Voldemort and his Death Eaters, but toppling the corrupt Ministry. They will instill trust that I will be the rightful Minister of Magic."
"That's the issue, though. These Cybermen cannot be trusted!" the Doctor argued. "I don't know how long you've been in contact with them, but they will eventually turn against you and then you'll be dealing with a bigger problem than ol' Voldy in your world. And upgrading me into one of them is not going to help your cause, either."
"Let's test that out then, shall we?" Lumic suggested with a leer.
Just as he snapped his fingers and the Cyberman went to grab the Doctor, the whirs of the sonic screwdriver could be heard and there was a loud bang. The magical forcefield enveloping Barty wavered, freeing him as he jumped to his feet.
"You shall surrender or you will be deleted," the Cyberman declared in the same monotone voice.
"Sorry, must dash!" the Doctor said, ducking away, as the Cyberman made a move to restrain him.
"Seize them! Hurry! Before they escape!" Lumic shouted at the two Cybermen as he pointed his wand between the two men. But with another whir of the sonic, the metallic beings staggered back and tripped him up. Taking advantage of Lumic's momentary distraction, the Doctor and Barty didn't hesitate to round the corner, running away as fast as their legs could carry them.
"Wait a minute! You're not escaping to the TARDIS?" the Doctor asked his counterpart. He truly believed that Junior would try to escape there more than anything.
"Like I can even get near the bloody thing without it shocking me every time?" Barty snapped.
They continued running down the hallways, hearing not only the metallic footfalls of the Cybermen right on their heels, but a sudden banging coming from a door up ahead. As they dashed past it, the Doctor halted upon hearing a familiar, shrill female voice shouting a string of profanities directed at a certain wizard. The Doctor turned to Barty curiously.
"What'd you stop for? We have to—Oh," Barty said, swiftly backing away from the door.
"Is that Donna in there?" the Doctor demanded to know.
"Well—" Barty began with a drawl, and the Doctor shot him an unamused look as he went over to the door. "No... wait! Doctor, don't—"
Too late, for as soon as the Doctor unlocked the door, there was a flash of red hair and a hand grasped the front of his shirt, pulling him inside the girl's bathroom. The Doctor was taken aback by the look of unadulterated fury that crossed the face of his ginger companion. He barely had time to react when a wicked slap burned across his face, causing him to twist around and stumble back in pain against the paper towel dispenser.
"OW! What was that for!?" he asked, nonplussed. It definitely was not the greeting he was expecting out of Donna. He wondered what he had done to deserve that slap, which was so intense that it caused the Doctor to work some feeling back into his sore jaw. Well, maybe there was something he had done to deserve it in the past, but not anything to his recent memory that he could recall.
"You! You no good, dirty rotten... wannabe Houdini!" Donna fumed.
'Ah… that explains it,' the Doctor thought. He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and said, "Oi! You've got the wrong man!"
"Yeah, right. Do you really think a change of clothes is going to fool me—Aaahh!" Donna screamed once Barty entered the bathroom, bolting the door behind him.
"Quiet down, will you? There are Cybermen out there!" Barty hissed at Donna, covering his ears from her loud scream.
Donna's jaw went slack, eyes flicking from one identical man to the other.
"There's… t-there's two of you!" Donna finally squeaked after some time, pointing from the Doctor to Barty. "Is this some sort of Martian magician trick?"
"For the last time, I'm not a Martian," both men complained in exasperation. They looked at one another before the Doctor cleared his throat.
"Donna—it's me. I'm the Doctor. I swear," he told her pleadingly.
"Doctor?" Donna said. "Wait—how do I know it really is you and not just some sort of trick Houdini's pulled on me again?"
"Again with the 'Houdini,'" Barty sighed in annoyance.
"Donna! Please!" the Doctor begged. "Remember when we first met? It was the day of your wedding and you appeared in the TARDIS out of the blue. You were filled to the brim with huon particles, remember? You were like a battleground for those pesky little particles all thanks to the Racnoss. But we took care of her alright, now didn't we? You even managed to save me from making a big mistake in the process."
"Doctor?"
"Oh! Or how about when we met for the second time with the Adipose. Who can forget pieces of living fat waving down at us?"
"Doctor?"
"Or how about when we met Agatha Christie just a week ago? Oh, she was wonderful! The 1920s were absolutely brilliant. Perhaps we should go there again, maybe to America this time? Meet Charlie Chaplin? Oh! How's about Laurel and Hardy? That sound alright to you? I loved The Music Box, granted that was made in the 1930s… still, you can't go wrong with Laurel and Hardy—"
"Spaceman, will you shut up already?"
The Doctor's rambling was cut short as Donna enveloped him in a friendly hug. She held onto him tight, he noted, but he returned the gesture nevertheless.
"Doctor, I've missed you! Things are completely barmy around here," said Donna once she finally pulled away from the Doctor. "What happened to you, by the way? Why are you all hurt? You look exactly the same… oh this is freaky, I thought Barty would at least look a little different! And why do you only have one sock on?"
The Doctor looked down at his feet—one sock-clad, the other bare—upon the tiled floor and smiled wryly. "It's a long story involving a vicious killer tree and the world of Harry Potter."
"Harry Potter? You mean Wizard Boy wasn't joking? It's real? All of it? He really is that crazed snake tongue man from the fourth film?" asked Donna in disbelief.
"Hey! I do not have a snake tongue!" Barty complained indignantly, which caused Donna to properly notice his presence.
The Doctor watched as Donna swept past him and marched towards the wizard, her fists clenched. Barty immediately recognized his mistake in speaking up and gave a weak smile in an attempt to placate her.
"Hey, Donna… Ouch! Hey! Stop that—OW!"
"You—arse! You idiotic—magician of an—arse!" Donna shouted, punctuating every word with a punch wherever she could land one. "I'll show—you! Disappearing trick? Great, big—gob? I'll—show—you—ya—flippin'—git!"
"Donna! Stop that! That's my body you're hurting!" the Doctor said. He pulled his fiery ginger companion away from Barty, who was shielding himself with his arms over his head as he backed away towards the sinks. "Blimey! What did you do to her, Crouch?"
"He locked me in a bathroom!" Donna yelled.
"Yes, I've guessed as much," the Doctor said calmly before turning to face Barty. "But why?"
"He locked me in a bathroom," Donna repeated, still fuming as she stared daggers at Barty. "So I wouldn't interfere when he went on like a complete idiot to face the Cybermen without any of his powers! All because he thinks that Lumic bloke is his father!"
"You risked my body!?" the Doctor asked, completely aghast, joining in on Donna's fury. "You pig-headed prat of a wizard! What if you regenerated?"
"Evidently I didn't," Barty pointed out as he straightened up, grasping the edge of a sink. "Besides, didn't I prove to you earlier that Lumic wouldn't let those Cybermen harm me?"
"Well, I certainly missed that, having been locked inside a bathroom!" Donna shouted.
The Doctor let go of Donna as he strode up to face Barty himself. There was a fierce burning behind his eyes as they stood inches apart, yet his voice, scarily enough, remained cool.
"I saw everything back in that hallway. You wanted to prove a point, and you did. But the fact remains if your father hadn't come in time, then that Cyberman you aggravated wouldn't have hesitated to kill you."
"They can't harm me. It's in their programming," Barty argued, but the Doctor gave him a dark look.
"Sure they may let you pass by unharmed at first, but I know better. I've faced these things more times than I count. Cybermen are unpredictable. They are dangerous and will eventually turn on your father and his orders. You have to be more alert."
"I had a plan!" Barty asserted.
"What was it? Risk getting yourself hurt like a complete idiot?" the Doctor snapped.
"It was going fine until you came along! I knew what I was doing. I was getting answers!" Barty said.
"You know, for a man who preached about constant vigilance for an entire year, you sure didn't think twice about running out there like a fool," the Doctor said. "Then again, what else would I expect from an idiotically insane Death Eater?"
"Don't you dare talk to me that way!" Barty lashed out, heat rising in his face.
"Oh, I will," the Doctor said coolly, an apathetic look crossing his face. "You think you're so clever, then start acting like it."
"You know, you Time Lords are an irritatingly pompous bunch. No wonder you're the only one left, there wasn't enough ego to go around," Barty retorted.
"Better Time Lord than human," the Doctor said sourly. "Being a lowly ape with one heart? It's disgusting."
"Is that what you still think of us as?" Donna entered the conversation, arms crossed over her chest. "I thought you were over that nonsense, Mr. Lord of Time."
'Good going, Doctor. You've just insulted your best mate,' he mentally berated himself, realizing his mistake amid his anger. "I didn't mean it like that, Donna," the Doctor quickly told her. "It's just… I'm not used to the volatile emotions in this body. I swear."
"At least I, unlike you, have magic. You should consider yourself lucky on that front," Barty pointed out haughtily.
"At least I, unlike you, aren't a pure-blooded prat," the Doctor sneered, allowing his anger to get the best of him as he pushed Barty a tad aggressively, causing him to stumble back against the line of sinks. Barty pushed the Doctor back furiously, and the Time Lord grabbed him by the lapels.
"Oi! Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumbo! Knock it off!" Donna shouted. "In case you've both forgotten, we are in the middle of a Cybermen operation!"
But the Doctor didn't hear Donna or the metallic footfalls of the Cybermen marching to a halt right outside the bathroom door. There was a funny ringing in his ears, and he breathed heavily, chest heaving up and down. He was sick and tired of this silly argument. Sick and tired of being human…
BANG!
Before either of them knew it, Barty suddenly flew backwards, crashing against the line of sinks. A couple of them came loose from the wall, and their rusted pipes blasted out water, flooding the floor. The Doctor stumbled back and sat down hard on the bathroom tiles. There was a burning smell, and he gulped, turning over his hands.
'Did I just do what I think I did?' the Doctor thought warily. And though he would have fought to deny it, he knew that, somehow, he had just performed another bout of accidental magic.
"You hit me with the Stinging Hex!" Barty shouted, completely livid as he pushed himself back to his feet. He was dripping from head to toe with the water that was still gushing from the broken sinks. There were singe marks on his blue jacket, where no doubt a sizable welt was forming underneath his collarbone.
"Aw, my blue jacket," the Doctor muttered dejectedly as he eyed the scorch marks on the lapel. "I loved that jacket..."
"You selfish git," Barty said. He strode over to the Doctor when Donna stood between them, separating them both.
"You idiots! Don't you hear the flippin' Cybermen outside the door?" Donna berated them. Right on cue, something banged against the bathroom door.
Blaming his lack of awareness more on his human form than anything else, the Doctor cursed inwardly. He thought quickly and whirled around, pulling Donna inside one of the toilet stalls.
"What do you think you're doing? Just because you're human now, don't you get any ruddy ideas, Spaceman. You're still a skinny streak of nothing… Magician nothing!" Donna said, appalled by his actions.
"Again, I'm right here," Barty said, arms spread wide in indignation.
"Really, Donna?" the Doctor rolled his eyes. He dug out the Invisibility Cloak from his coat pocket and tossed it over her. "Stay here. They won't be able to see you. And don't make a sound," he warned her seriously. He closed the stall shut before the invisible Donna could argue with him.
And right on time, too, for the door burst open, flying off its hinges as a couple of Cybermen marched inside the flooded bathroom. The Doctor and Barty had nowhere to run, pinned against the door to the stalls. The two Cybermen stepped forward, each one swiftly grabbing Barty and the Doctor, restraining their arms behind their backs.
"Let go of me!" Barty growled, fighting against the Cyberman squeezing his arms.
"Quite the hiding place," Lumic commented snidely as he stepped through the door and up to his captives.
"It definitely wasn't my idea for a hiding spot," Barty said, glaring at the Doctor.
"Sod off, Crouch," the Doctor retorted hotly next to him. The Death Eater was really testing his patience.
"The time for your upgrade is imminent, Doctor. And as for you, boy," Lumic addressed Barty, pointing his wand at his throat. "You better get used to having the body of a Time Lord, because you are going to use it for the rest of your life."
"You turned me into a freak!" Barty said, his voice shaking.
"Oi! I'm right here, you know!" the Doctor said, highly offended as he, too, fought against the Cyberman's hold upon him.
"First the Imperius Curse, now this? Why don't you just let one of those precious Cybermen of yours delete me already if you despise me so much?" Barty challenged. He stared defiantly at his father as the wand pressed further against his Adam's apple.
Lumic regarded his son for a moment. His thin mustache quivered slightly before he lowered his wand. A split second later, the Doctor was caught off guard as Lumic shouted, "Stupefy!" and a jet of red light struck Barty in the abdomen; the wizard slumped into the Cyberman's arms, unconscious.
"Why did you do that to him?" the Doctor demanded to know.
"That should keep him subdued for the time being," Lumic said with indifference.
"He's your son," the Doctor said, still in disbelief over what he had just seen.
All Lumic did was turn his back to the two of them as he commanded his Cybermen, "Take them up to the holding cells. Keep them guarded there until the lab is prepared for the proper examinations and upgrades."
The Cyberman restraining the Doctor pushed him forward, squeezing his arms to the point of numbness. The Doctor fought against the metallic humanoid being, struggling to squirm free, but it was to no avail, especially with the other Cybermen standing close by ready to strike.
'Stupid human body!' he huffed in frustration, feeling greatly disturbed as he was forced to follow behind his unconscious body, which was being carried over the shoulder of the other Cyberman as it marched forward down the long hallway to the holding cell.